Buffy The Vampire Layer
Directed by Jack Stephen - 1997
Creature Feature -
Cool Quotes -
The Morgue -
Points Of View
The Short: An adult film vaguely based on the original Buffy The
Vampire Slayer movie. California girl Buffy ends up being tricked into
coming to Transylvania and being trained to seduce and kill vampires,
she takes on the evil vampire/lawyer Dracowitz.
The Long: The story opens with a drive by shot of a large ornate
building. The subtitles inform us this is ''Transylvania, polka and
vampire capitol of the world'' (see Reference #1). Switch to inside the building where a
naked blonde woman (Kristy Myst) struggles with a man in a coffin. She calls to Egor for
a stake and he runs off to bring back a tender loin. The narration
starts where the woman introduces herself as Buffy. She says she is supposed
to be on vacation to Pennsylvania, but the guy at the travel agency made
a mistake and now she's doing a polka with a dead guy (see Reference #2). The credits roll.
Inside a house a blonde woman in a sequin bikini (Mila) with a bad accent looks
out the window. It thunders outside frightening her. She sits down and
starts to lay cards on a table, and says she sees two dark strangers
and much evil. A mist slips in the room from outside as two men walk in
from outdoors. One has a gun and mentions it is a lousy night for a holdup.
They ask who the woman is. She says she is Madame Duda the fortune teller, they introduce
themselves as the Gecko brothers. The men insist on money, but she says
she knows nothing about money. One brother pulls his gun out. Switch to
the vampire's lair Egor goes to the coffin and the vampire hands him a
suitcase, which he takes away. At the Madame's house one brothers says she
is telling the truth, he gave the money to a lawyer, but doesn't know where
he is now. He insists the Madame tell him where the lawyer is. The other
brother insists they use the cards to play strip poker, but after pulling
one card, he declares himself the winner, and the Madame curses them.
The first brother tells her he wants to know where Dracowitz is, and
the Madame is startled by the name. She insists that Dracowitz is a
''wampire'' then jumps into the first brother's arms. The three of
them strip to cheap music and the sex begins.
Elsewhere two blonde ladies, Buffy and her friend (Sahara Sands), walk into the office of a travel agency. They ask the man working there (Jack Stephen) is the ever worked in a porno movie. He answers as a helicopter goes by and he jokes about the noise. He introduces himself as Myron. Myron was reading a book about an L.A. divorce attorney who becomes a vampire, the ladies wonder what the difference is. As Myron talks the ladies start to make out on the couch. Myron notices no one is paying attention to him and he leaves. The two women have sex.
Back in Transylvania Egor reports to Dracowitz about his investments, but Dracowitz is angered by his investing in adult CD-ROMs instead of long term CDs. Switch to the Gecko brothers, sitting and talking about how they shouldn't have killed the gypsy woman. One brother discovers a business card and the other calls the number on it, which rings a phone at the coffin. They demand their share of the money. Back at the travel agency the two women try to get tickets to Pennsylvania, but the tickets say Transylvania. Myron says it will be fixed at the airport. The women leave and Myron calls Juarez to say she is on her way. Somewhere in Transylvania two vampire women (Randi Storm is the blonde and Randi Rage is the brunette) dressed in sexy lingerie come inside out of the fog, reporting to Dracowitz that they killed the Gecko brothers. Then Dracowitz and the two lady vampires have sex.
In another room Buffy walks in to find a coffin,
then is startled by a man named Juarez who informs Buffy that
this is about vampires. They are interrupted by a lady vampire, and Juarez
says first he has sex with them, then he buries them (see Goof #1). Juarez and the female vampire have sex (see Goof #2). He then slays the vampire and dumps the body in
Buffy, who was watching from the next room walks back in. Juarez says tonight
it's her turn. Later that night Buffy walks in on Dracowitz and the two
have sex. After they are done she slays him off camera, then Juarez walks
in and says that she did well. She says she had a secret weapon, and throws
him a pair of her panties. He smells them and she says it's garlic, worked
like a charm.
Dracowitz and his three brides are all vampires, immortal undead beings who
live on human blood.
- Dracowitz: ''Touch me and I'll sue, I'm a lawyer.''
Buffy ''Eat me you shyster.''
Dracowitz: ''A most pleasant invitation, I'm a vampire.''
So I guess a vampire does need permission to enter.
- ''Transylvania, polka and vampire capitol of the world.''
Romanian Transylvania is a historic eastern European region. After forming
part of Hungary (11th-16th century), it was an autonomous principality
within the Ottoman Empire (16th-17th century) and then once again became
part of Hungary at the end of the 17th century; later it was incorporated
into Romania (1918-20). The region, whose name first appeared in written
documents in the 12th century, covered a territory bounded by the Carpathian
Mountains on the north and east, the Transylvanian Alps on the south, and
the Bihor Mountains on the west. The neighboring regions of Maramures,
Crisana, and Banat have also, on occasion, been considered part of
Polka is a lively courtship dance of Bohemian folk origin. It is
characterized by three quick steps and a hop and is danced to music in 2/4
time. The couples cover much space as they circle about the dance floor.
Introduced in Paris in about 1843, it became extraordinarily popular in
ballrooms and on the stage, sweeping across Europe and the Americas from
Scandinavia to Latin America and developing many varieties.
- Buffy: ''...Pennsylvania...''
Pennsylvania is a state of the eastern United States. It was admitted as one of the original Thirteen Colonies in 1787. First explored in the early 1600s, the region was settled by Swedes in 1634 and granted by royal charter to William Penn in 1681. The Mason-Dixon Line (surveyed in 1763-1767) established the colony's southern boundary and was extended westward in 1784. Pennsylvania played a crucial role in the American Revolution and in the formation of the new republic. Harrisburg is the capital and Philadelphia the largest city. Population: 11,924,710.
- Kristi Myst has actually done a series of playing the part of Buffy.
These films include Buffy's First Encounter, Beeping Miss Buffy, Buffy's
New Boobs, Buffy's Malibu Adventure, Buffy's Anal Adventure and Buffy Down
- There is a scene cut when the female vampire interrupts Juarez and Buffy,
and during that cut the coffin in the background that was closed is suddenly
open for no reason.
- The female vampire who Juarez has sex with then slays has EXTREME bikini
tan lines. Vampires with sun tans?
- Madame Duda: At her home, shot by the Gecko Brothers (off camera).
- Gecko brother: Killed by two anonymous female vampires (off camera).
- Gecko brother: Killed by two anonymous female vampires (off camera).
- Anonymous female vampire: Near Dracowitz's coffin, slain by Juarez (off camera).
- Dracowitz: In his coffin, slain by Buffy (off camera).
Kristy Myst (Tina Harlow) as Buffy
Sahara Sands (Sarah Sanderson) as Buffy's friend.
Mila (Mila Shegol) as Madam Duda
Randi Storm as Female Vampire #1
Randi Rage as Female Vampire #2
Zasu Knight as Female Vampire #3
Alex Metro (Brendon Joseph Claibourn)
Lancaster Menin -
Jack Stephen as Myron
Points Of View
So why even bother to review this inferior piece of garbage? Because I'm
a Buffy completist and I normally enjoy movie parodies. This was probably
one of the most disappointing parodies of a movie I've seen in a long
time, but it was a parody of one of my favorites, Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
Anyone expecting to see ANY mention of the TV series characters will be
in for a disappointment. This is clearly a parody of the movie with
Kristy Swanson. No Willow, no Angel, no Giles. If you are a Buffy
fanatic you might want to give it a watch, but I wouldn't spend money
to see it.
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