Buffy's back but

beats me how. (This will be part of the series. Buckle up

kiddies, it's going to be a long night in L.A.).

Part 2

"So how did this happen?" Gunn's question snapped Buffy back to the present, the Hyperion hotel/L.A. present. He scratched his ear. "I mean, I get the whole resurrection spell thing..." He paused. "Actually, I don't get the whole resurrection spell thing. Care to explain?"

Buffy wished she could. "It's complicated. Will did it."

Angel's brows drew down over his eyes in a concentrated frown. "Willow brought you back?"

Buffy nodded as Gunn pressed, "If the redhead can do that...Look, death doesn't come with a rewind button. It can't be that easy. If it was, no one would die."

"It wasn't that easy." Buffy sighed and looked away. "I don't have answers. I don't understand it. I wish I did, but I don't."

"So you're saying we should ask the witch."

"I don't think even Willow understands what happened. She said it was like the time she re-souled Angel. Something else took over. Something that wasn't her." Buffy shrugged. "Willow tried to explain but she once tried to explain Chem II, and I didn't understand that either. What I did understand was the only reason the spell worked was because I didn't die in a mortal way."

Angel interrupted. "I thought you fell from a tower."

"I did, but it wasn't the fall that killed me."

Angel's face was unreadable, still and fixed. "Then how did you die?"

Buffy's brows rose. "Don't you know?"

Angel didn't answer so Gunn answered instead. "Your friend, Willow, she just said it was a fight. An apocalypse."

"That's all she said?"

"She was pretty upset. And after that so was--" Gunn glanced at Angel. "It didn't seem like the time for long-winded explanations. Usually dead means dead. Doesn't matter how."

"How?" Angel asked, and still his face was like carved stone.

Buffy searched for a way to explain. "It was an apocalypse. A hellgod named Glory wanted to open the gates of hell. . ."

Because, you know, that's what hellgods did with gates to hell. Familiar story, actually. We did this a few years ago. You remember don't you, Angel?

Shut up, evil voice, Buffy commanded. Just shut up.

It wasn't the same thing.

No, Glory just wanted to go home. Angelus specifically wanted to take the whole world with him.

I *said* shut up! I could live without turning into schizophrenic Buffy, you know.

"How?" Angel asked again.

What did she look like? Exposition woman? Speech making was *so* not her job. Buffy left speeches to Giles or Spike or even Anya, who could pop out with some really strange ones because she had a vast and varied knowledge of all things demony. But Buffy? Explaining things was not listed under the Slayer job description. Beating things up? That she could do.

Besides explaining the Glory mess meant explaining things like The Key and Dawn and memories that weren't real. No wonder Willow had avoided going into specifics. No wonder that even before she had died, Buffy hadn't explained things to Angel. . .even on the night when he had sat with her beside her mother's grave.

Dawn and Angel were two things that didn't go together, mainly because Angelus had terrorized Dawn during his not quite sane and very evil phase. Oh, Buffy knew none of the "Angelus kidnapped Dawn" thing actually happened. Angelus hadn't *really* slipped into her home and dragged her little sister to the mansion on the edge of town. Angel hadn't really left Dawn 'playing dolls' with Drusilla, which anyone who knew Drusilla knew must have been a horrifying experience. Those memories were Monk-manufactured just like the one saying Spike had produced an unharmed but mightily pissed off Dawn as evidence of his desire for a truce with the Slayer.

"See, Slayer, lil' Sis all in one neat, non-bloody package. Now, no staking, right?"

Sometimes Buffy wondered about the way events had actually unfolded--you know, without the whole 'Dawn being inserted' part, but somehow Buffy thought the Monks had kept fairly close to actual events.

Giles had once offered the theory that the Monks hadn't made any memories at all, that they--meaning herself, the Scoobs, and even Dawn--had made their own memories. The monks had simply cast a spell around Dawn so that anyone presented with her had to reconcile Dawn's existence. Real memories shifted to accommodate Dawn...or something like that. Buffy was often a bit vague when it came to magic, but Giles had made his point. Whatever the differences between truth and fiction, the thoughts, feelings, and motivations had remained roughly the same.

In any event, Dawn was not Angel's biggest fan. She probably placed fourth in the 'who cannot tolerate Angel' contest, somewhere behind Spike, Xander, and Giles (though not necessarily in that order). Maybe fifth if Riley counted.

Anyway, explaining Glory, the Key, the monumentally unsuccessful big 'fraidy runaway, her brain freeze, and the last terrible night was just too much. Buffy couldn't do it so she talked about her swan dive into the portal and a life force drain.

Stripping the Glory saga of its detail (and any mentions of Spike because Buffy was *so* not up to explaining that) made it a very short action feature. Big fight. Big loss. Dead. Crying and self recriminations to follow. Only now the crying was over and here she stood all not dead.

Angel still didn't look happy.

No, that wasn't quite fair. He had looked glad that she was there, it was just there was something else shadowed his face. It was dark and sad and kind of broody.

Angel swallowed and said in a choked, raspy voice, "I'm sorry."

Huh? Then Buffy said it out loud. "Huh?" She felt fuzzy-headed and confused. "What do you have to be sorry about? I'm here."

Angel shook his head. "But I wasn't there. I wasn't there and you needed me."

"What? No. I mean--" What did she mean? Suddenly Buffy thought she had to find the words, the *right* words. "There's nothing you could have done. No way you could have changed things."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. It ended the way it had to. I was the only one who could have closed the portal. It had to be me." Or Dawn, but that would require the whole 'Key' explanation again, and Buffy had deliberately skipped it the first time. At Angel's questioning glance Buffy added lamely, "There was a prophecy. . .sort of."

Angel still looked pained even as he turned away. Why did

he turn away?

"Maybe I could have changed things." His voice was low and deep. "Maybe I was supposed to be there." Angel glanced at Buffy over his shoulder. "I could have done things the others couldn't. Xander, Willow, Giles--they aren't fighters."

"You couldn't have changed things." And you couldn't have done anything Spike didn't do, Buffy thought but didn't say it--not because it wasn't true but because she couldn't say it out loud...not to Angel. Buffy stood at a loss for words wanting to help Angel, to stop Angel from brooding and feeling guilty but not having a clue how to do so.

Gunn stood and crossed the room. "You can't keep doing this to yourself," he told Angel sternly. "She just told you that you couldn't have changed things."

Angel opened his mouth to speak but Gunn stopped him. "No. I've tried saying this before but you weren't listening. Now you're gonna listen. You couldn't be two places at once any more than I could. Remember just before our trip to demonland one of my old crew died."

Angel looked stricken. "Gunn, I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry. That's not the point. For a long time I thought I should have been with the guys when it all down. They asked me to go with them but I chose to go out kicking demon butt with you and English. Now, I don't know how much of a difference I might have made with my old crew, but I'd like to think I made a difference for us."

Gunn faced Buffy. "Now correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't ask for Brood Boy's help, now didjya?"

Buffy hated to meet Angel's eyes. She hated that he felt guilty, and she hated saying, "No. I didn't ask."

"And you don't really think he could have made much difference in the whole hellbitch battle."

All Buffy could do was shake her head. No. Angel couldn't have changed what had happened. *Nothing* could have changed what happened. Death had been her gift.

That seemed to be enough for Angel's friend. "Now see, we can sit here all night wondering what you might have done with blondie," Gunn told Angel. "We'll never know. But obviously she really didn't need you to save the world because this world is still here. And now she's here. If you ask me things turned out okay in the end."

Angel looked frustrated and angry. "That's not the point."

"Isn't it? No offense." Gunn tilted his head toward Buffy. "I'm sure blondie here is a great girl, but I happen to think that Cordy and Fred rate pretty high on the great people scale. Buffy is standing here without any help from you, but Cordy and Fred wouldn't be. Besides--"

When Gunn stood face to face with Buffy he towered over her. He was one big guy. He asked, "You didn't fight alone, did you? You had backup, right?"

Buffy felt Angel's gaze on her. "No, I wasn't alone," she admitted, then with more conviction because she felt Angel needed to hear it to assuage some of his unnecessary guilt. "I wasn't alone, Angel. It wasn't by myself. I had help. I had. . ." Buffy took a deep breath. "Everyone fought with me. It was a team effort."

Gunn nodded. "See. She had help. But if Cordy hadn't had us, who would she have had? That Groosalug guy?"

Angel glowered and scoffed. "That Groosalug guy? Please. Cordy could do so much better than that. Besides, he wasn't all *that* tough. I beat him didn't I?" Angel glanced at Buffy and cleared his throat. "Uh. . .we don't need to go into any of that right now."

Gunn shrugged. "Fine with me as long as it's through your thick vampire skull that Cordy would have been lost in that place if we hadn't gone after her, and Fred, here, would have been stuck in slavery or dead. Buffy may or may not have needed you. Cordy and Fred definitely *did.*"

There. It was a simple, straight forward and oh so believable argument. Buffy believed it. It sounded and felt. .. right. Things had happened the way they were supposed to have happened. "Your friend is right," Buffy concurred softly.

"Damn straight, I'm right. I know I'm right and if you have any doubt, think about this. Those freaky Powers That Be that send Cordy her visions sent you looking for Fred not to go have some big fight with your ex-girlfriend." Gunn paused. "That didn't come out right."

"I think it came out pretty good," Buffy told him.

Angel's head was bent and he seemed to be thinking.

Buffy approached him. She touched his arm. "It's okay, Angel. I'm okay. The world's okay. And because of you, Cordy and Fred are okay too."

Fred nodded. "I'm definitely okay. I'm home and they still have tacos, and I don't have that thing around my neck that could make my head explode. That's all good."

Buffy smiled. "See. Good stuff."

Angel shook his head. "You're letting me off easy, Buffy. Again."

"No, I'm not. I'm just being realistic and pragmatic and a few other icky things. You did what you had to do. We all do. There's no blame here. There's no reason for you to feel guilty. It's a guilt free zone." And I don't need another guilt ridden vampire running around, Buffy thought. She had enough problems with Spike feeling guilty about what had happened. On the other hand, Buffy was kind of used to Angel feeling guilty about stuff. Spike feeling guilty was just way weird.

Focus, Buffy. Deal with Angel in the here and now. She looked at him hopefully. "Are we okay yet? Please, say we're okay. I want that."

Angel gave a small smile. "If it's what you want."

"Absolutely."

His smile grew and -- wow, it reached all the way to his eyes. "I'm glad you're back, Buffy."

Buffy released the breath she hadn't even known she was holding. "Yeah, me too."

"I'm sure everyone is glad you're back."

Oh, they were. It wasn't exactly an emotion they hid. Big smiles. Big tears. Group hugs. Hey, even Angel had produced a smile. A small one, but it was a smile that for once reached his eyes which was very out of the ordinary. Usually when Buffy looked into Angel's eyes she came away wondering, "What is he thinking?"

Angel had never been Mr. Availability where his private thoughts were concerned. He was the original mystery man, which was wonderfully intriguing except for the fact Buffy wasn't Nancy Drew. Buffy fought evil head on, leaving very little time for mysteries. Plus, she wasn't exactly emotional insight woman. Look at the whole "clueless about Riley" catastrophe.

No, the Buffster was not good at reading people, that was why it was easier when people reacted by...you know, *reacting.* Take her confrontation with Spike a few hours ago. There Spike had stood covered in stinky blue goo as she pronounced him winner of the demon beheading contest.

Spike had blinked and light had filled his eyes. No, seriously, it was like someone had turned on a floodlight inside him. Don't ask her how it was possible. First, Buffy was well aware it wasn't physically possible; and, second, it wasn't some supernatural light so don't go down that path. No, it was more like the energy and emotion that always bubbled inside Spike had exploded into life and radiated from his eyes--but not in a Xander X-Men Cyclops way.

"You're here." Spike's voice had been soft and incredulous. "You're really here. And it's the real you." How Spike had known, Buffy wasn't sure. But he *had* known, and he had laughed, a mad, delighted, full-throated laugh as he jumped on top of a headstone and howled to the night, "Look out kiddies, the Slayer is back where she belongs." Gazing at her with dancing blue eyes he had murmured, "Fanfuckingtastic."