Paths Diverged/Divulged

by JustSkipIt

Copyright © 2003

Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Guess what, I don’t own W&T, Buffy or the rest of the BtVS crew. Any similarity to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental and fortunate.
Distribution: Littlecrazy80/Romy
The Mystic Muse    /mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Season 6
Author's Notes: Well I think it’s always a good idea to start with the important thanks: Thank you to the love of my life: Rachel. Thank you to Joss Whedon who created these characters and the Buffyverse. Thank you to the fictional characters of Willow & Tara and the wonderful actresses Alyson Hannigan & Amber Benson. Finally thanks to all the Kittens who read and enjoy and comment on these fictions, particularly the moderators and Xita!
Pairing: Willow/Tara

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5

About this story: This fiction is a sequel to W/T Season 3 Y’all. It will make most sense to you if you read that fiction first, if not the entire thing, at least the first part, Wish/Wash, Dopplegangland Too, and the last part. But heck, why wouldn’t you just read the whole story?

While Y’all left off in May of 1999, this Story begins in August of 2002. What has happened since we last left our girls? Well…

For the most part, their history since attending college at Sunnydale U has merged with cannon. Some differences occur for what I hope are obvious reasons:

Season 4: Obviously W&T are already a couple and are already out to their friends. No Oz trauma/drama and no coming out drama. Oz left school in the middle of the year to control his inner wolf after he killed Veruca. But no Oz/Willow trauma, no Something Blue, and obviously no NMR. Instead we have Willow and Buffy sharing a room with Tara down the hall. Willow and Tara continue their magical partnership and loving and passionate relationship, both learning from the other.

Season 5: Dawn arrives and has always been there. Tara and she are very close. Although Tara is not conscious of it, they have a special bond. If you read Y’all you know that Dawn is the reincarnation of Tara’s mother who died when she was a junior in high school. The Family episode never happens! No evil family to come take Tara away. No myth that the Maclay family women are demons! She has a lovely birthday party with lots of presents and cake as anyone would want. Checkpoint happens! Willow and Tara don’t have a fight over magic or boys or anything else; nonetheless, Tara is sitting on the bench waiting for Willow when Glory shows up. The hell-god sucks her brain and shatters her hand. Willow nurses her and Tara accidentally reveals that Dawn is the key. Willow reverses the damage Glory has done to Tara and Buffy leaps into the portal and dies to save the world.

Season 6: Tara and Willow move into the Summers house to raise Dawn. Although everyone has mixed feelings about it, the four Scoobies work together to raise Buffy from the dead. Willow dabbles with the idea of getting the fawn’s blood herself but decides against it. Anya gets the necessary ingredient on the black market. Tara and Willow begin to fight about Willow’s increasing dependence on magic. But she’s not addicted! [because that’s a stupid idea!] She doesn’t erase Tara’s memory. Tara does not leave her. The Scoobies make lots of stupid decisions while fighting the super-geeks. Tara is standing in front of the window when Warren tries to kill Buffy. A stray bullet goes straight through her heart and kills her instantly. Willow can’t bring her back. The doctors at the hospital save Buffy by removing the bullet and she recovers quickly because she has slayer healing. Xander stops Willow from killing either Warren or Rack (see below). Warren is sent to jail for what he did. She didn’t go all "Dark Magic Willow."

Edited to say: Suze pointed out to me that Xander doesn't have to stop Willow from killing Rack because she really never goes that far. She never went all magic addiction so she never meets up with him. Great job Suze!

Why the differences? A few reasons. First, my intention is that her magical partnership with Tara helped her to learn the right and wrong applications of magic (somewhat), that her training by Tara and Tara’s grandmother taught her the connection between nature and power. That she used her power for good, not evil. Second, because her loving relationship with Tara gave her the confidence and love that had been missing from her life. She doesn’t have to attempt to fill that void because she has a strong base of love and belonging. Third, because I don’t personally believe in the addiction philosophy.

So there it is. The setup. We’re moving to Willow & Tara together but it’s going to be dark for a little while first. Enjoy.

One final note Ok, here’s the thing. Timewise this story takes place in season 7. But Willow’s hair is not season 7 hair. It is more like late season 5 hair: think Blood Ties or Triangle.

Part 1

T-A–R–A M-A-C-L-A-Y

T-A–R–A M-A-C-L-A-Y

T-A–R–A M-A-C-L-A-Y

Y-A-L-C-A-M A-R-A-T

T-A–R–A M-A-C-L-A-Y

T-A–R–A M-A-C-L-A-Y

Willow’s index finger traced the letters as if it were moving on its own. Over and over it moved, noticing only the texture of the cold rough stone with the letters forging a path to follow. As she traced the letters, she heard each one in her mind. T-A–R–A M-A-C-L-A-Y. Like a loud speaker in her brain announcing the arrival of the next train at the station, announcing that Tara was arriving at track nine. Sometimes the letters seemed to sing as they passed from one side of her brain to the others. At other times they seemed more like a whisper, a reminder of something that she would never forget anyway.

And always Willow’s mind returned to the motion of tracing the path of the letters on the stone. There were other letters: October 16, 1980 - May 7, 2002, but her fingers never traced those. Only the name, the only name that mattered, the only name that would ever matter.

Tracing the letters Willow’s mind took a break. She didn’t think of Tara or the pain and anguish and loneliness. She didn’t think about the pile of rocks growing every day on the top of this headstone. She didn’t think about the fact that she sometimes wondered if she should have even agreed to put the stone up so fast. Is it incongruous to place the stones on the grave but put the headstone up so fast? Which traditions to keep and which to discard? Should she have buried Tara here or did she belong with her mother? She had thought of all this, but not today. Not as long as her finger traced the letters. Not as long as she could be with her lover. No thought. No time. No wondering. Just the feel of the stone under her fingertips and the letters echoing in her mind, taking her away from conscious thought as the cemetery faded around her.

"Clothes," Tara smiled as she finished pulling her shirt over her head.

"Better not get used to them," Willow teased back in her vixeny way. She playfully poked her finger into the waistband of her lover’s jeans before pulling her closer. Their hug brought back all the amazing connection of the last few days.

"Xander!" Tara exclaimed her arms still wrapped around the redhead.

"Ok," Willow remarked, "not the reaction I was expecting."

 Tara moved toward the window to look down on Xander and Buffy in the backyard. "Maybe they’re making up…" she suggested. Willow nodded lovingly. She and Tara had been doing a little of their own making up. The fighting about her increasing dependence on magic had intensified for the past few months but the blonde now appeared satisfied that Willow understood that she couldn’t use magic for everything. Their renewed relationship was bearing the fruits of their reconciliation.

Willow watched as Tara turned from the window. As always she was amazed at the love she felt for this woman. In over 3 years, she had never tired of her, would never tire of her. Every time they touched it was electric and felt like coming home. She noticed the dark red spot that appeared on Tara’s blue shirt before hearing either the sound of gunshots or Tara’s confused utterance: "your shirt?"

Willow crossed the space quickly to catch her lover as she plummeted toward the floor of the bedroom. "Tara! Tara!" she cried over and over as she held the blonde’s lifeless body. Within moments it became apparent to her that the life had in fact gone from Tara’s body. She did something she had vowed never to do again, invoking Osiris to bring her lover back.

As tears streamed down her face her power brought the form to their room. His refusal to return her lover to life infuriated the red haired witch who could do nothing but curse him as he departed. Still she held and stroked the body of the woman she loved so deeply crying her name over and over: "Tara! Tara! Baby…"

Knowing that it was too late, she lay on the floor of their bedroom cradling and rocking her lover’s body as it cooled. She was not even aware of Dawn’s entrance hours later as the girl called to her to let go: "Willow? Willow. Willow!...

"Willow!" Dawn shook the redhead’s body as Willow finally realized that she was really hearing the teenager.

"Dawn?" she questioned.

"Willow," Dawn spoke quietly, "you have to come home. It’s almost dark."

"I can’t leave her," Willow answered, her words echoing those she had issued three months earlier to the girl.

"I know," Dawn nodded as she helped the redhead to her feet. "You aren’t leaving her. Just come with me for a little while ok?" As Willow started to walk alongside the teenager Dawn attempted to reassure her: "Buffy will come by tonight ok?"

The two girls began walking slowly through the cemetery toward Revelo drive. As they walked Willow tried to carry on a conversation about Dawn’s day, about school and boys and everything else. But all she could think about was that she should be with Tara. That she couldn’t be without her. It would never work. A Willow without Tara? Nonsensical. She would never make sense of it. Never.

Notes and Thanks: Thanks to DMW for help on the HTML formatting and to Romy and Susan for hosting my work.

Willow lay in the darkness of her room. Not her old room. Not Tara’s room. This was a room Tara had never slept in. Willow slept in Buffy’s old room now and Buffy slept in their room. How could Willow possibly ever sleep in that room again? How could she go in that room again? She hadn’t been in that space since that day. Every time she passed even the doorway she could hear Tara’s last words, "your shirt?" and see the stain appearing on her chest as her body fell toward the floor.

And how could she possibly sleep? She remembered telling Joyce once that she couldn’t sleep without Tara. They were visiting Sunnydale for Christmas break their senior year in high school and had just come out to the entire gang. Joyce asked them not to sleep together and Willow had used her persuasion (and babbling) skill to convince the woman to allow them to sleep in the same bed fully dressed and with the door open. How could she have known at the time that there would come a day in which she was presented with the horror of trying to sleep every night without her love?

And now: so many people were dead. Was it a mistake to come home to Sunnydale? Joyce had died not of supernatural causes but of natural. Buffy died saving the world although her friends brought her back. And now Tara. If we hadn’t come here, she would be fine. She would be alive and we’d be together. I thought choice was so important but it was the wrong choice. She berated herself. How could it ever be ok? The two women had decided together to attend UC Sunnydale so they could hone their magic and help the Scoobies in the fight against evil. Who could know that the biggest threat would come not from some super demon but from an angry, greedy, super nerd?

Unable to sleep Willow returned her mind to its favorite current pastime: obsessing in what if. Just as some people might sit and think about what they would do with a million dollars or unlimited power, Willow lay each night and thought about bringing Tara back. It was an exercise. A mantra almost. Every night a different plan for bringing the blonde witch back to life.

What if she was turned into a vampire? What if I had brought her back by Osiris? What if I raised her as a zombie? What if I raised her as we did Buffy? What if I wished her back? Each night the redhead lay in bed completing her mental exercise. She started with a new fantasy and carried it through from initial thought process to complete execution. What could go wrong? What materials would I need? What are the upsides? (always Tara alive and with me!) What are the downsides? (brain eating, evil and murderous, etc.). Her mind followed these paths until exhausted she finally slept a restless sleep filled with zombies, vampires, and demons.

And each morning she woke to memories of last night’s fantasy and nightmare. The balance of the joy of her fantasy and the terror of her nightmare determined if she acted upon it. And with what success? Osiris refused her call more than one time in the last three months.

Zombie Tara came straight for Revelo drive, stopping to attack a passerby in the street. The shouts reached the second floor of the Summers house prompting Buffy to run toward her former friend. Willow shouted before Buffy could reach the creature, tearing the picture in half rather than seeing the slayer destroy Tara’s decaying body.

Vampire Tara? Not an option since she died so quickly.

Wishes? Willow had tried twice now. The first ill-thought-out wish she phrased so poorly, "I wish that Tara wasn’t in front of the window when Warren shot the gun" that it only moved Tara’s location from their bedroom to the backyard where she was visiting with Buffy when she was fatally shot.

Willow thought out her second wish more carefully wishing that "Tara was at school when Warren came to the house." But it seemed that the fates had something in for them as Tara was hit by a car crossing the street when she thought she heard someone calling her name. After that Anya refused to perform any more wishes as she concluded that Willow was not in fact attempting to exact any vengeance. She only wanted Tara back, which didn’t perform vengeance on anyone, certainly not anyone unfaithful. Finally she relented to allow Willow to wish the original death back so she could at least have the reality of holding Tara’s body as she died.

Eventually Willow’s mental review of her desperate actions since Tara’s death had lulled her to sleep, into a sleep filled with dreams of their years together. Of the love they found and nurtured through catastrophes and pain and joy. But each dream ended the same place: with Willow on the floor of their bedroom cradling Tara’s broken and lifeless body as Dawn and Buffy attempted to pull the two witches apart.

Willow woke to the still silence of mid-morning. Glancing at the clock and finding it not on the nightstand but the floor, she realized that she must have hit the snooze button and knocked the clock to the floor. Who cares? There’s nothing I have to do today. No where to be… Her schedule was completely flexible. Nothing to do. Nowhere to be. Only one stop to make and that stop was the same every day. Back to the stone. Back to the cemetery. It was the only place that mattered.

Forty-five minutes later she walked into the cemetery once again. This time she found an unexpected visitor as Buffy sat in front of Tara’s grave. "Hey?" Willow asked.

"Hey," Buffy replied. As Willow leaned forward to place her stones on the gravestone and then kneeled to begin tracing the letters the slayer continued: "Will?" Knowing how Willow could become so entranced she waited for the redhead to look up. "It’s Wednesday."

Willow looked at Buffy in neither surprise nor understanding. "Still comes after Tuesday right?" she questioned her best friend.

Buffy took a deep breath. She was worried about this but everyone agreed that she was doing the right thing. The night before Dawn, Buffy, Anya, and Xander had all met to discuss Willow’s progress. Although Anya refused to disclose much information, claiming demon/wisher confidentiality, all the Scoobies agreed that Willow needed help. "It’s Wednesday, August 7 Willow," Buffy explained. Willow returned her gaze to the headstone without responding so Buffy continued, "you said that you needed three months."

"It’s not long enough," Willow whispered through her tears.

Taking her hand Buffy agreed, "I know it’s not, but you have our help. And you and I will make it through."

"I can’t do it," Willow cried.

"I’ll help you Will." As she held her friend, Buffy whispered, "we’ll stay here a little while and then go start ok?" Finally the redhead nodded. She wanted to be able to do this. To make it through but it was just so hard.

After a long time Willow and Buffy walked back to the house. "Do you want to eat first?" the slayer offered. Willow shook her head refusing the offer. She was completely convinced that any food she might eat would be wasted so why even try? Slowly they walked up the stairs.

At the doorway to Buffy’s new room, the room that had been Tara and Willow’s and before that Joyce’s, Willow stopped and turned her back. Buffy silently moved into the room before emerging with an armful of clothes from the wardrobe. Moving into Dawn’s room she set the clothes on the teenager’s bed. The group had agreed that this would be the easiest way, that if Willow became overwhelmed she could still retreat to her own room with Tara’s belongings in Dawn’s room. Boxes stood ready against the wall.

Willow nodded as the slayer laid the clothes on the bed and began holding up each piece one by one as she waited for a sign from the redhead. Most of the clothes she knew were Tara’s but some she needed to check. Sometimes the wacky wardrobes of the two girls seemed to overlap and the slayer couldn’t keep it straight. Although honestly she couldn’t understand why the blonde witch ever wore those weird skirts and shirts when she looked so good in jeans and boots. Not that I was staring at her ass Buffy quickly thought as soon as she wondered about Tara’s clothing choices. She mollified herself by remembering the look that had frequently crossed Willow’s face as she took in the sight of her lover dressed in riding clothes. And the sounds. Even without slayer hearing, Buffy had heard the two women together enough times to know that Willow appreciated the way her girlfriend looked. Shit Buffy she thought Focus on this! Get your filthy mind off of Willow and Tara’s sex life, or former sex life. The final addendum pretty much returned Buffy to a more pensive frame of mind. She held up another piece of clothing as Willow nodded toward the box that was quickly filling with Tara’s belongings.

The afternoon was like slow torture for Willow. She remembered when Giles had made the comment that Angelus had tortured him for hours and for pleasure. That was what the afternoon was. Not pleasure though: pain. Hours and pain. Each item that Buffy held up made the redhead remember her lover in that outfit. Some of them elicited memories of hundreds of days. Some she allowed Buffy to put in the box while others she reached out for and rubbed to her face, hungry for the scent of her lover. That scent had been fading from her life and her memory. In the days after Tara’s death, she smelled her everywhere. Willow had always reveled in the essence of their lovemaking remaining on her fingers for hours or days afterwards. But it faded so quickly…

And then it started to fade from other things: their bedclothes, stuffed animals, Tara’s clothing. And now, just three months later, she hungrily snorted each piece of clothing to try and drain any last smell from it. To remind her nose and her mind of the scent of her soul mate. Willow’s tears fell throughout the afternoon, never in an overwhelming breakdown but a constant rain until she thought she must be empty.

As Dawn entered her room after school Willow looked up to note that the afternoon was nearly gone and so was her Tara. The teenager didn’t speak but moved behind her friend and gathered her in a hug. Willow didn’t think about it: she just allowed her body to rest against Dawn’s comforting hug as she gave in to her emotional exhaustion.

Hours later Willow woke panicked, as she looked around unable to place herself. "Shhhh," Dawn whispered, "you’re in my room with me. Buffy went to patrol. She left dinner. Can you eat?"

Willow nodded as she rose from the bed. "Thanks Dawn," she spoke quietly. Dawn allowed the witch to wash her face before coming down stairs and eating the fried chicken Buffy had left on the counter. Knowing that the redhead was a "breast gal" Dawn served her those pieces and took two legs for herself.

The two ate slowly in silence. Finally Dawn spoke: "Do you want to finish?" Willow swallowed down the lump in her throat and the threat of her food returning as she nodded. The two girls made their way back to Dawn’s room and Dawn followed Buffy’s earlier path retrieving drawers from Tara’s dressing table and bringing them to her room.

The two girls worked in relative silence as Dawn held up each item before placing it in a box. Some items Willow took from the youngster, smelling it or running her hand along the blond hair caught in the comb or barrette. "Hey, what’s this?" Dawn questioned as she pulled an envelope from the bottom of one drawer. She handed the envelope over to the witch who looked at it for moment before placing the item on her lap.

The envelope was sealed with the words "Tara Too" written across it. Willow pressed the item through the paper as she tried to remember the reason for the envelope. Then she remembered.

Tara sank tiredly into Willow’s desk chair as she sighed. "This has b-b-been a strange day," she repeated.

Willow sat down on the bed as she asked, "can you tell me about it?" This was so strange. Here she was in a room with the woman she loved and she felt like she couldn’t even touch her. It was obvious that Tara was largely uncomfortable with the redhead although she had agreed to come in the room and talk to her. That was something at least. In addition to looking at the floor rather than at Willow, she was continually playing with her hair band. She kept taking it off and putting it back on. The redhead recognized it as one that Tara and her mother had made when she was younger. Perhaps Anya had cast some kind of spell on her as they were leaving. No, that couldn’t be. Tara had seemed fine until Willow had gone to the computer lab.

Tara and Willow had accidentally brought their alter-egos from another dimension to their reality. While Willow’s other self was a vampire who stayed in Sunnydale, Tara’s other self was a student like themselves. The morning after returning the confused girl to her own reality Willow had found the hair band on the floor of her room. At first she thought it was Tara’s but her girlfriend had shown that she still had her own band and they concluded that the visiting girl must have dropped it when she and Willow went to Michelle’s room. Unwilling to destroy or discard something that Tara’s mother had made Willow had sealed it in the envelope and forgotten about the item until now. Setting it aside, she indicated to Dawn that she was ready to continue going through the drawers.

Near midnight Dawn pulled the covers over Willow. The redhead mumbled as sleepy and exhausted "thank you" as Dawn returned to her room to wait for Buffy to get home. She knew that the slayer would be happy that she made such good progress. Tomorrow Xander had promised to come early in the morning and take away the boxes before Willow awoke.

Note: Also the circle casting is the one my partner uses. She says she originally got it from a book but can’t remember which one. Might be from Starhawk? Either way, it’s copied from somewhere. (no offense intended oh great author).

As she heard the front door slam shut Dawn realized that she had not heard Buffy come home. Xander called from the bottom of the stairs: "Dawn? Buffy?" Wiping the sleep from her eyes she took in the sight of the young man at the door to her room. "All these to go?" he asked quietly. Xander had realized after calling out to the Summers sisters that he didn’t want to wake Willow. At Dawn’s nod he began carrying the boxes to his car.

Dawn meanwhile got up and went into the bathroom to get ready for her morning. She had to be at school early and turn in a history paper. Leaning against the mirror was an envelope with "Dawn" written across the front. Oh Buffy must have not wanted to wake me she concluded as she carried the envelope back into her room and sat on the bed to open it.

Tears streamed down Dawn’s face as she read and reread the letter. Walking into the room Xander was immediately drawn to the young girl. "What’s wrong Dawnie?" he asked.

Dawnie gulped as she attempted to speak, "W-w-w-w-…" she trailed off. Patiently the carpenter waited for her answer and after a few deep breaths she began again, "Will…." Frustrated she held out the letter for Xander to read himself. As he finished she summarized, "she’s going to kill herself to be with Tara."

Xander took a deep breath as he read the letter again, "she says she’s not."

Dawn looked at the young man with complete exasperation. "Are you really that stupid Xander? What do you think she’s going to do?"

Xander shook his head as he thought about it. "I don’t know but I’m not convinced that my best friend is going to off herself. We have to find her. Come on," he urged the teenager.

Within the hour the Scooby gang was gathered in the living room of the Summers house. Each member of the group had read the note repeatedly. Although they were scared for their friend, each agreed that she didn’t intend to kill herself. Even Dawn had been convinced that the note didn’t hold a suicide message. Nonetheless they agreed that her use of magic in such a state could be just as dangerous. "Anya can you find her?" Buffy finally asked.

Anya closed her eyes as she concentrated on Willow’s image and energy. After a few seconds she opened them to inform the group, "she’s cloaked. I can’t find her."

Buffy started toward the door giving instructions, "ok. Then we split up and find her. Giles you go to the Magic Box and university. Xander and Anya check with the demons and see if anyone has seen her. Dawn and I are going to the high school to look for her. Everyone meet back here by dinner time."

"Uh Buffy?" Anya interjected just as everyone was leaving. "Ok, I know no one appreciates what I have to say any more now that I’m a vengeance demon again than before but … well… if she’s cloaking, you may not be able to see her even if you find her."

"Come again?" Xander prompted his ex-girlfriend.

"Not with you chicken," she shot back. "I said you may not be able to see her even if you find her."

"So she may be like invisible?" Buffy asked.

Anya thought for a moment before answering, "not necessarily invisible. It’s kind of like parallel to you. If she’s cloaking you may walk right up to her or through her and never know she was there. Or never know the building is there or whatever." Anya turned to Giles for help with the explanation.

Giles sighed exasperatedly as he echoed the demon, "I don’t know how to explain it better than Anya has." Thinking of the only advice he could he added, "try to listen closely and not just with your ears." With that the confused and desperate group all set out to look for their friend.

Willow reached the crypt before sunrise. She had the added advantage of never sleeping well. After sleeping only an hour or less she had lain in bed formulating her plan. Then she had waited for Buffy to return home and for the sound of the slayer’s Vagnerian snores echoing throughout the house before quickly packing a bag and slipping quietly out the front door. A quick stop for supplies at the Magic Box and running a few more errands and she still reached Spike’s crypt as the sun was coming up. Knowing how Anya loved her money, she left some in the jar by the cash register with a list of what she had taken. Since no one had seen the bleached vampire in months she figured that his crypt would be as good a place as any for her ritual—unless one of her friends found her there.

She didn’t expect the actual ritual to take long but always liked to check and recheck her preparation. If there was one thing she had learned from Tara… no that was not something she could ever narrow down. But she had learned from the blonde witch to take her magics seriously and prepare for any ritual with an appreciation to nature and all the elements. As soon as she arrived she drew the necessary markings on the floor of the crypt and cloaked herself. Unless she had done something wrong with the magic, her friends would not be able to find her until her concentration and determination broke or she wanted to be found, not even Anya.

Taking a breath as she realized that she now had more time to prepare for the more complicated ritual, she carefully laid out the spell ingredients and implements. From her bag she pulled two Xeroxed pages from two books. She would have liked to take both books with her but needed to travel light on her journey. Carefully following the instructions on the two combined spells and her notes written along the margins of the pages, she placed the chicken feet and colored sand around the crypt. She created a circle just large enough to sit in. Although she needed to fit into the circle, she wanted to have to control as small an area as possible.

After checking, double checking, and triple checking her work she determined that it was as good and thorough as she could make it. If this didn’t work, it never would. She folded the pages and replaced them in her backpack and pulled from it the envelope she had found the day before. Stepping into the circle she created in her mind’s eye a clear image of the Tara she had met only once. The mental image was very easy to create since both Taras looked identical. Carefully she pulled the hair band from the envelope and replaced the envelope in her bag. Holding it in her two hands she stroked the strands of blonde hair stuck in the leather and glistening in the beam of sunlight now splitting the circle as it slashed through the windows of the crypt.

"By the Earth that is her Body.
By the Air that is her Breath.
By the Fire that is her Spirit.
By the Waters of her Womb.
The Circle is cast."

As she completed the words of her casting she felt the air within the circle change. The symbols began to glow as did the border of the circle as it created an incandescent curtain rising from the painted circle to the ceiling of the crypt. As she felt the power rise in and around her, the red haired witch began the incantation for her spell. She stroked the band and the hair and concentrated on her destination as she chanted:

The sea to the river.
The mother to the child.
Nu-Eyrishon. Doh-tehenlo. Diprecht.
Meh-uhn. K’shala. Eyrishon.

With each word the sparkling and glow from the symbols and the air within the column of her circle intensified until she had to close her eyes against the brilliance. When the light was as bright as she felt she could possibly stand it… she waited another five seconds. Just as it felt that the light was about to burn a whole through her eyelids she poured the sand onto both her hands.

As she closed her eyes she was once again presented with a jumble of images: Tara and Michelle walking slowly across the Brenhams campus; Tara riding; Tara and Eliza singing together; Tara sitting in class; the blonde working on an injured animal. Suddenly the light exploded throughout the crypt. And as quickly, it was gone as the crypt was cast into semi-darkness with only the light coming through the dormer windows illuminating the space. Exhausted and very confused from the spell, Willow nonetheless had the wherewithal to uncast the circle before succumbing to her exhaustion.

The redhead woke hours later disoriented. Looking around she was able to locate herself in Spike’s crypt. It appeared to be late afternoon by the angle of the sun coming through the high windows. Glancing around she noted only the backpack she had carried into the circle with her. She took as a good sign that none of the Scoobies had found her while she slept. If she had woken in her bed at the Summers house she would have known that the spell didn’t work. As it was, she didn’t know just what had happened.

Silently she moved directly under the light from the window. She judged that she had approximately 2-3 hours of daylight left in which to look up her friends and find a safe place to spend the night. She took the time to open her backpack and assess the contents. She had packed light bringing only what she felt was absolutely necessary. The small interior zipper pocket contained her identification, various other documents, and a large amount of money in traveler’s checks as well as cash. Before coming to the crypt she had stopped at the bank to withdraw all of her money so she would have a stake in her journey. She certainly expected to need it.

The larger pocket contained her computer, a change of clothes, a toothbrush, a few pictures of her friends and Tara, and a few other items she wanted to keep with her. Ensuring that everything in the bag had made the trip successfully if you have made a trip at all her brain reminded her, she replaced the backpack on her back, opened the door and looking to see that no one was watching her, exited the crypt.

Walking through Sunnydale she attempted to assess the town. Did it look different? Was that bus stop always there? Do expressos usually cost $3.15? Was the clock tower working or not working yesterday? It was amazing to her to realize just how little she knew about her town when it became necessary to notice every detail. For the most part, she could not tell if she was home or somewhere else.

It took about 15 minutes walking to reach Revelo drive. As she walked slowly up the sidewalk, she looked at the Summers house. Taking a deep breath she ascended the few stairs to the porch and knocked on the door. After a few minutes she heard a voice with an English accent yelling and the door was roughly pulled open. She fully expected to see Spike hiding under a blanket but instead was greeted by a young man she had never seen before. "You the pizza?" he asked.

Willow opened and closed her mouth as few times as she thought about the question. "Hey there birdie," he addressed her, "are you the pizza delivery?"

Finally Willow found her voice and answered, "no. Not the pizza." She looked over the young man and surreptitiously into the foyer of the house. "Uh, is Buffy here?"

"Buffy?" the young man parroted. Even as he spoke the name sounded ridiculous coming from his mouth.

"Or Dawn?" Willow amended.

"Is this a joke or what?" he asked.

"No," Willow explained. "No joke. My friends Buffy and Dawn used to live here."

Seeing the pizza truck finally pulling up in the driveway he began pulling bills from his pocket. "We’ve been living here four years now. Never heard of a Buffy or Dawn." As he saw the look on her face, a look of surprise, he added, "are you ok sweetie? Do you want to come in and have a bite of pizza?" He held up the box as he made the offer.

Silently Willow shook her head as she turned and went down the stairs. Turning once at the bottom of the steps she looked at the door and the windows. Ok, the spell took me somewhere. Now the question is where and what’s different here? And can I get to Tara from here?

Walking the necessary few blocks she came to her own house next. The sign on the mailbox read "Rosenberg" so at least she knew it was her parents’ home. However, the windows were dark and there were no cars in the driveway. She knew her parents could be at dinner or they could be gone for three months to Brazil or Germany. She found the shortcut to Xander’s house worn bare and slipped under the loose board that she had used thousands of time throughout her childhood. She knocked on the back door but heard only drunken screams from inside the house. Yep, definitely the Harrises she observed. She attempted to look through the windows of the basement to see if Xander might still be there but found them coated with grime and dust.

Noting the decreasing light she walked quickly to the Espresso Pump for a cup of coffee and a sandwich to go. After tucking them in her backpack she moved quickly to the final stop she could make. If this stop was unsuccessful, she would get a motel for the night and ensure that she told the owner she wanted to own it for the night so her room would be a barrier against vampires. She figured she had an hour to find a place to spend the night. Given the toll her casting had taken on her, she didn’t want to have to battle the undead and creatures of the night for a little rest.

Eating as she walked she came down the steps to the courtyard of Giles’ apartment. As she saw the figure sitting at the table in the center of the courtyard she recognized her immediately. "Dawn," she breathed out excitedly as the teenager turned toward her. Willow stopped for a moment to take in the girl’s appearance. Her hair was longer than usual with a few pink and blue strands decorating it near the front. She wore a tight black T-shirt with the name of a rock band lettered across her chest and a black leather band around one wrist. Her jeans had that "professionally torn" look and she wore a heavy black belt. Her makeup was the most shocking part of her appearance and Willow knew that neither Buffy nor Tara would have ever let the teenager out with that appearance. "Yeah," the teenager answered popping her gum.

Willow came down the steps to enter the courtyard and pull out a chair. As she did she let out a deep breath. "Boy am I glad to see you. I mean boy am I glad to see someone. I was really starting to wonder. But now here you are and here I am. And don’t be too worried or anything because there’s a good explanation and I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m here," the redhead babbled as she took off her backpack and laid it on the table.

Dawn leaned back in her chair looking Willow up and down before speaking, "actually I’m wondering who the fuck you are and how you know my name."

Willow smiled as she heard Dawn’s language. "Dawnie," she admonished, "Buffy would wash your mouth out for using language like that."

"Yeah right Buffy," the teenager snorted. "That name’s really inspiring me with fear of mouth washing or whatever."

"Uh Dawnie," Willow started. "Did something happen between you and Buffy?"

Dawn didn’t answer the witch’s question but asked her own: "Can I ask you something?" As Willow nodded she continued: "Did you hit your head or something? Or as Giles would say, ‘did you hit your bloody head or something?’" She giggled as she did the Giles impression, completing it by pretending to remove her glasses and clean them with a handkerchief.

Before Willow could answer she heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see a pair of black leather pants descending, followed by a midriff black tank top, with a black denim jacket. Her initial reaction was lusty as the hot body came down the stairs. However, her next emotion was terror as Faith’s head was clearly and permanently attached to the hot body continuing down the stairs. Quickly Willow stood from her chair to move between the teenager and the dark-haired slayer who was still moving casually down the stairs. The witch addressed the slayer attempting to sound confident while still blocking Dawn from Faith’s view: "Faith!"

"Yeah?" Faith questioned as she moved toward the pair now standing near the table.

Willow began frantically babbling as she noted the slayer advancing. She knew that the slayer was dangerous; after all she had killed both people and demons in her work for the mayor and had almost killed both Giles and Buffy years earlier. "Faith," she stalled, "what are you doing out? I mean what are you doing here? I mean what’s up and what do you need? I’m sure Giles is here somewhere so I wouldn’t try anything." She felt pretty useless that her magic was so tapped out that she couldn’t protect Dawn from Faith.

The dark-haired slayer didn’t stop moving toward Willow although she raised her eyebrow curiously. Willow didn’t see Faith wink at Dawn as she began answering, "kind of a babble-fest when you’re around isn’t it?"

Willow answered nervously, "well yeah, I babble. I do babble. I mean sometimes I babble when I’m nervous or scared or whatever. Not that I’m scared or anything now but ok kind of nervous because I have all these questions like what are you doing here? And what do you want with Dawn?"

Smirking Faith pulled up a chair across the patio and swung her legs up onto the table as she began to speak: "how about I ask you two questions instead of answering yours?" Willow could tell that wasn’t the question she was supposed to answer so she just waited. As she waited she glanced to Dawn to ensure that the teenager wasn’t scared. When Faith had come after Joyce and Dawn after waking from her coma it had really scared the teenager and Willow wanted her to know that she was safe. Apparently she really trusted the red haired witch as she had a very amused smile across her face. After glancing from Willow to Dawn and back Faith asked her questions: "Ok my two questions: who the fuck are you and what are you doing standing by my sister?"

Giggling Dawn answered Faith, "that’s what I said too."

Faith moved closer as she smiled at the younger girl asking, "what did she say?"

As Willow sat heavily into the chair Dawn explained, "something about my mouth and soap."

At that Faith and Dawn both burst out laughing and sat at the table with the stunned redhead. Through her laughter Faith reminisced, "do you remember that time mom tried to wash my mouth out?"

Holding her side Dawn obviously remembered that event: "yeah. I don’t think she knew you could kick that hard or run that fast until then."

"And she was so shocked when she wanted to chase me but you stole her keys and tossed them on the roof," Faith agreed.

"You know what I remember about it the most?" Dawn laughed. Seeing that Faith was laughing too hard to answer she continued, "we learned those two new words from her that day."

With her laughter just starting to fade the slayer agreed, "yeah the ones that started with C. At least we can’t say she never taught us anything."

Finally Willow spoke, "you’re sisters?" Her disbelief was obvious in her tone, starting the other two girls on another laughfest.

"All my life," Dawn finally answered as she blew a playful kiss at her older sibling. Looking at the two older girls she decided to try to get somewhere, "back to the point: who the fuck are you?"

"Wait, let me guess," Faith said, "Dawn called and ordered a delivery from ‘cute redheads are us.’" Turning to her sister she teased the younger girl, "I didn’t think she’d be your type D."

The younger girl sneered back at her sister, "she’s not my type you know that." Appraising the confused witch she decided to join in with Faith’s fun: "definitely looks like your type though F."

"They’re all my type D," Faith shot back.

"I’ve noticed," Dawn answered.

"Hey," Willow finally interjected, "I’m right here."

"Why is that?" Faith asked her rudely.

Willow blew out a deep breath as she glanced around the courtyard noticing the growing darkness. "Does Giles live here? I came to see him but I never made it that far."

Dawn laughed as she answered, "of course he lives here. I was sitting here studying all afternoon."

"You were reading Tiger Beat," Willow contradicted.

"Probably Cosmo," Faith teased her sister.

Standing up and moving toward the door Dawn waved her notebook which clearly had a magazine tucked inside. "Coulda been Penthouse," she teased as she opened the door. "Hi honey, I’m home. What’s for dinner?" she shouted through the apartment.

Willow heard Giles’ voice coming from the apartment as he obviously walked toward the door: "Dawn, I’ve told you not to scream in the house. Is your bloody sister here?" Reaching the doorway he spotted the slayer just before the seeing Willow: "Oh good Faith…" "Vampire!" he shouted as he pointed at Willow.

Faith and Willow looked at each other perplexed before looking back at Giles. "Uh Giles? Sunlight—heard of it?" Faith teased as she indicated that both girls were standing in a beam of sunlight.

Realizing that the watcher obviously didn’t think that his slayer was a vampire Willow leaned over and pressed her arm to the cross hanging around Faith’s neck. "And cross, no burning," she added.

"How? What? How? I don’t understand," the Englishman stammered.

Picking up her backpack and following Faith into the apartment Willow responded, "three very good questions."

After sitting down and accepting a cup of tea from the watcher Willow sat quietly for a few minutes. As she did she realized that she had a huge head start on the man and that she should explain first. He had no inkling that she was coming and no reason to know her, while she knew how she had gotten there; she just didn’t know exactly where there was. Looking across the room she spotted Faith and Dawn thumb-wrestling. "Does Faith need to go patrol?" she asked.

"What? Uh patrol? Patrol for what?" Giles responded completed lost as to how Willow knew that Faith needed to patrol.

As if on cue Faith stood and grabbed her jacket. "So I’m heading out for that walk now. Ok if the kid stays here till I get back? I’ll take her home after ok?" Giles nodded and Faith headed out the door.

In the meanwhile Dawn stood up and waved her notebook at the pair. "I’m going to watch your TV upstairs so you two can discuss research or whatever," she called out from the stairs. Stopping for a minute she addressed Willow, "you look like the big-research type."

Willow sputtered for a minute as Dawn continued up the stairs humming the tune to some idiotic song from a boy band. She was jolted from her thought by Giles’ question, "you are Willow: am I right?"

The redhead looked back toward Giles as she nodded, "yes I’m Willow Rosenberg. But I’m not the same one you know." She continued, "or knew?"

Giles took another sip of the tea as he confirmed her question: "knew. Or knew of. I only had one direct interaction with her and a few very fleeting ones." His features clouded as he remembered. "I’m still not sure why you are here or how," he indicated. Although he clearly remembered the other Willow it was obvious to the redhead that she would have to explain herself.

Taking a deep breath the witch spoke, "I’m sorry to not explain better. I’m from somewhere… somewhere else. In my reality you and I are friends. We work together with Buffy Summers who is the slayer and you are her watcher.

Although his face showed little surprise that Willow knew about slayers and watchers he still interrupted the girl to contradict her, "Buffy Summers isn’t my slayer. She never was." He stopped short of pointing out that Faith was his slayer.

"Maybe that’s what’s different," Willow muttered under her breath.

"What?" Giles asked.

"I said maybe that’s what’s different here," Willow explained. "I’m trying to figure out what changed this world from the one I’m from and maybe that’s it."

Giles nodded as he thought about it. "Perhaps we can figure it out if we discuss the details," he explained. "In the meantime, I assume you want to go back?"

"What? What?" Willow started as the watcher suggested it. Taking a deep breath she explained, "I don’t want to go back. Not right now anyway." As Giles fixed her with a questioning look she explained: "I lost something, someone very important to me there." Her tears starting to fall she continued, "I need to see if she’s here. I know it’s probably stupid. She might not be here or I might not be able to find her or maybe she’s bad like I was or something but I have to look. I have to try."

Giles reached out and touched the witch’s hand as she spoke gently, "I’m sorry for your loss."

Looking back up Willow smiled, "thanks."

"But why did you come here?" He motioned toward his apartment.

"I…I…I," Willow started but couldn’t complete the thought. As she searched for the answer she explained, "I went looking for Buffy but she wasn’t there and I checked my house but no parents and no Xander at his house so I came here. It’s the only other place I have."

Giles nodded his head in understanding as he started to realize just how lost this girl truly was. She had apparently come here intentionally with no understanding of just how this world was different from her own. "Perhaps you can tell me a bit about your friends from your world?" he prompted.

Willow thought about it and agreed: "that’s a good idea I guess. Buffy Summers moved here her sophomore year. You were the high school librarian and her watcher. Xander and I were friends from infancy and started hanging out with her and helping her with slaying. We called it the Scooby gang," she remembered fondly. "Sometimes other friends or dates joined in. For a while I dated a boy named Oz and Xander dated a girl named Cordelia who both helped throughout high school. With some changes in the cast of characters we’ve been fighting one demon or apocalypse after another since then." She realized that her summary was quite short but really didn’t know which points to stress. She couldn’t tell if anyone here was aware of Dawn’s unusual origin and didn’t want to bring it up in case.

Giles listened in fascination. The differences between the world that this girl was describing and his were amazing. Seeing that she waited for an answer her contrasted his story: "that’s quite different. I was still am the librarian at Sunnydale High. But Buffy Summers was never my slayer. Oz helped me fight vampires for years before Faith arrived along with a boy named Larry and a girl named Nancy. All are gone now."

As he swallowed Willow couldn’t tell if the kids were dead or just moved away. She reached out and touched his hand lightly offering the same consolation: "I’m sorry."

Swallowing heavily he decided to continue: "About four years ago Cordelia was attacked outside the bronze. She said something about Buffy, that Buffy should be here." He was silent for a few minutes and Willow waited. At first she thought that he was remembering her fondly but she realized that he didn’t want to say something.

"Please go on Giles," the witch urged.

"She was killed by two vampires. They were brutal and vicious killing machines and lovers," he explained. Willow wondered why this part of the story detail was important but listened patiently. "They had been vampires only two years at the time but had already garnered quite a reputation both individually and as a team." Seeing that she was engrossed in the story he continued, "there names were Xander Harris and Willow Rosenberg."

"Oh Goddess," Willow exclaimed. She looked around fearing that she would be sick but swallowed it down. "I killed Cordelia here?"

Giles nodded seeing how upset the news had made the young woman. "There’s more?" He spoke not sure if she was up to hearing it. The girl did not look good and he doubted that she had had much sleep lately. Willow nodded and waved her hand and Giles continued: "I’ll summarize: I called Buffy’s watcher and we got a visit from her. She and I and a vampire named Angel attacked the plant. It sounds strange but Angel was a good vampire or at least he fought on our side but he had been the Master’s captive for many years. The Master was the head vampire around here."

Willow nodded as she explained, "Angel was Buffy’s boyfriend in our world. She killed the Master our sophomore year."

Again seeing the comparison between realities Giles was thoughtful. "Interesting," he commented. "We stormed the plant. To make a long story short: Xander killed Angel, Buffy killed Xander, the Master killed Buffy, Oz killed you, and I killed the Master."

This time Willow didn’t just think she was going to be sick. She was sick. Grabbing the trash can at the edge of the couch she felt everything she had eaten come back up and continued dry retching for a few minutes. As she did Giles handed her a cold wash cloth which he placed on the back of her neck. "Gross," she heard Dawn call out from upstairs.

Still recovering from the shock of Giles’ news Willow started when she heard a key turn in the lock. Giles patted her knee as he explained, "don’t worry. That’s just my wife getting home from class." "Hello Jenn…," was as far as Giles got before Willow lost consciousness.

Part 4