Title: Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails
Author: Gileswench

(notes and disclaimer with part one)

Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara sat at their table to the back of The Bronze.

"Do you think we did the right thing? Sending Giles home with the Buffster?"

"What else were we gonna do, Xand?" Willow asked. "Anyway, he likes her and he trusts her. I think it'll be okay."

"She's done a good job with Dawn," Tara added.

"Yeah, but what does Buffy know about little boys? And how do you think Giles will feel when he gets back to normal and figures out Buffy was the one dressing and undressing him and cleaning up after him when he...y'know...misses."

"Misses?"

"Will, he's six. His aim probably isn't that good yet."

"You mean...oh. With...that part of him. That's gonna really embarrass him."

*********

Buffy fumed as she scrubbed at the bathroom floor.

"I don't get it. You're a guy. You have something to aim with. How the heck did you miss the john completely?"

She glared at Giles where he stood shifting his weight uneasily from one foot to the other. Immediately, her expression softened.

"It's okay, Rupert. I know you didn't mean to. Accidents happen. Look, the floor's clean now, so why don't we clean you? Would you like a nice bubble bath?"

One look at his face made it clear that a bubble bath was not the same sort of bliss to a little boy as it is to a young woman.

"Sorry, guy, but I need to get you clean."

Giles set his feet very firmly where he stood and jutted his little chin defiantly.

"Don't want a bath."

"Tough. You're having one anyway."

He glared up at her.

"You can't make me."

Buffy couldn't resist laughing.

"Yesterday, maybe not, but today I'm almost twice your size. And y'know what? I think I'm loving that."

She picked up her squirming, furious mentor, removed his soiled clothing, and plopped him into the tub. He glared daggers at her, but remained where he was.

"You're mean."

"And you're just as stubborn as a kid as you are as a man. Now, do you want to smell like strawberries or mango?"

*********

"Dawn, stop staring."

"I wasn't," she began. "Okay, I kinda was, but it's funny..."

"Rupert is our guest. We don't look at him like he's a circus freak."

Giles used his fingers to help guide the massive heap of macaroni and cheese he'd scooped onto his fork into his mouth. A large glop fell into his lap with a soggy plop.

"Even if he has the manners of one."

Buffy sighed and wiped up the cheese that had fallen on the edge of the table.

"Look, Dawn, I have Slaying to do tonight. Can you keep an eye on Rupert for a couple hours?"

"Does that mean I get to skip my homework?"

"Not a chance, baby sister. And I want him clean and in bed by eight thirty. Got it?"

"Got it, got it. I hear and obey, already."

"That's what I like to hear. I'll just do a quick sweep and head back early."

*********

After three quiet cemeteries, Buffy decided to quit early and head to The Bronze. If she was lucky, the gang would still be there. When she walked in, Willow waved to her from the back. Buffy waved back, ordered a mocha and headed over to her friends.

"Hey guys," she said. "I have a question. How do some mothers handle it without caffeine?"

"So Giles is keeping you on your toes?" Xander hazarded.

"He's a perpetual motion machine. And he gets into everything. He had an exciting half hour with my makeup case, followed by an exciting half hour at the bathroom sink. He fights dirty, too. He tried to bite me a couple times."

"I never thought Giles would be a biter," Anya mused.

"I can't tell you about grownup Giles, but kid Giles is. And that's not the only thing I found out about him today."

"What else did you find out?" Willow asked, hoping desperately that is was something less embarrassing.

"He is definitely not Jewish."

*********

Ethan smiled and tightened the drawstring on Giles' pajama pants. He knew he was in good trim for a man of fifty. He just wished Ripper had a few more clothes with...some style. Not that he could wear many of them anyway. Giles had always been of a slightly beefier build. But the silk pajamas and the wonderfully comfortable robe were adjustable.

Now all he had to do was wait for the arrival of the no doubt delectable Connie. Her voice over the phone had sounded warm and sensuous. A voice that called for champagne. Luckily, there had actually been an unopened bottle in the fridge. Ethan wondered idly who it had been there for. Never mind. He felt sure Connie was the perfect one to share it with.

*********

When Buffy got home, she knew there was trouble before she'd even set foot on the porch. She could hear high-pitched shrieks from inside. With a quick prayer that nobody had called the cops, she hurried inside.

Giles stood in the middle of the living room howling at the tops of his tiny lungs while Dawn frantically offered him anything and everything she could think of to calm him down. Buffy raced to the hysterical child, scooped him up in her arms and sat him in her lap on the couch.

She rocked Giles and stroked his hair as he cried, burying his face in her shoulder.

"Shhhh, it's okay, Rupert. Nobody's going to hurt you. You're safe."

Buffy continued to murmur comforting nonsense while Giles cried himself out, occasionally gurgling that he wanted his mummy. At last, Giles was too exhausted to cry anymore. Buffy patiently held him as he fell asleep in her lap. Even then, she held onto him and continued to stroke his curly head. At last she turned steely eyes to Dawn.

"What the hell happened here?" she demanded quietly.

"I don't know. I was reading to him and he just went all wiggy on me."

Buffy held out her hand and Dawn brought her the book.

"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone? Why would that freak him?"

"Beats me," Dawn said. "I thought he likes books and he likes magic so maybe he'd like a book about magic. Then when I started reading, he just...freaked."

"What were you reading? What was going on in the story?"

"Well, the Dursley's were being mean to Harry..."

"In English for those of us who are waiting for the movie to hit video."

"Okay, Harry's this little boy and he lives with his really mean relatives, the Dursleys, who make him sleep in the cupboard under the stairs and sometimes they lock him in..."

"Dawn! I told you, he's scared of locked doors. What were you thinking?"

"Anyway, he started screaming he wanted his mommy and where was she and he needed to help her. I told him she wasn't here and he went even more nuts. I never knew Giles could be that loud."

With a withering stare at her sister, Buffy rose.

"I'm taking Giles to bed now. Thanks for traumatizing him for me."

She decided to take Giles to her own room. He was frightened and she didn't want him to wake in the night alone in a strange place. When she was changing his clothes, he stirred slightly. He blinked up at her sadly.

"I want my Mummy," he told her.

"I know the feeling, little guy," she replied. She absently stroked his cheek for a moment. She marveled at how soft it was. On a whim, she bent down and kissed his forehead. "I can't be your Mummy, but I'm here for you. I always will be. Whether you're taking care of me, or I'm taking care of you, that's a promise. Got that?"

He nodded and sniffled.

She smiled and got a tissue. She helped him blow his nose.

"Better?"

He nodded again.

"Good. I'm just going into the bathroom to change my clothes, okay? I'll be right here with you all night."

She picked up her pajamas and headed for the door. A shaky breath from Giles stopped her.

"I'll just be a minute. It's okay, really."

He looked unconvinced. After a moment's deliberation, Buffy went to the shelf and pulled down her beloved stuffed pig.

"Here. This is Mr. Gordo. I was even younger than you when I got him. He's very brave, and he'll protect you and keep you company when I'm not here. Okay?"

Giles clutched the toy to his chest.

"Is he really mine?"

"For as long as you want."

He looked oddly at the pig. Then he reluctantly held it out to Buffy.

"Father wouldn't want me to."

"Is your father here?"

"No."

"Then it'll be our little secret. I promise not to tell if you don't."

Giles smiled broadly and hugged Mr. Gordo again. Buffy smiled back and went into the bathroom.

When she got back, Giles had fallen back to sleep, still holding onto the pig as if for dear life. Buffy pulled back the blankets and crawled in behind Giles. She tucked them both in, kissed his soft little cheek, and wrapped an arm around him protectively.

"Sweet dreams, little guy," she whispered.