Buffy and Spike’s B-I-G Adventure
A Christmas Car Trouble Special
By the Kings of Mercia – NC17
Pairing B&S
Chapter 1
The loud incessant ringing wasn’t going to quit any time soon, so Buffy slipped an arm out of bed and groped for the phone receiver
“Hello, were not available – in fact we don’t live here anymore, you’ve got the wrong num-“
“Buffy, I, that is WE need your help” Angel said
From under the covers, Spike’s muffled voice said,
“Tell him to sod off”
“Spike says to sod off – I concur!”
“Buffy – sacred duty and all that?”
“Hello – why do you think I’m being so anti-slay mode, hmm? – We’ve had enough demon activity around here this week to last us both an entire existence, and-“
“What about Faith, I thought that she patrolled Sunnydale now”
“She’s been injured – that’s why Spike and I have stepped in…we got rid of 9 new nests last night………half of them seemed to be Chinese, from the take-away’s around here – and of course, they ALL just had to be kung-fu experts…Ow, my leg hurts…and my back…”
“Well, how would you like a simple easy job” Angel asked
“There’s a catch baby…put the phone down” Spike encouraged
“No, NO BUFFY DON’T DO THAT, PLEASE!” Angel begged, his voice getting higher and more shrill with each word………
“You talk to him baby, I need to………” Buffy handed the phone to her half-asleep husband, while she slipped out to the bathroom.
“This better be fuckin’ good, you wanker…we’ve had about 10 hours sleep this week, that’s all!”
“Sorry to trouble you, but one of our…how shall I put it, our less salubrious clients has stolen a very important book – The Ars Daemonicus, the book of demons – and has travelled through time with it”
“And? – Geez…well I suggest you go after him then!” Spike suggested helpfully.
“We have, well Wes and Gunn have…Cordelia’s gone back with them this time, but he keeps on giving them the slip – there needs to be more people. He’s a warlock, of the Grand Order type...in fact he’s the grandest of the grand, Hieronymous Racnunculus…AKA Rack, and he’s stolen the Ars Daemonicus – the book that contains all the information on every demon known, how to summon, how to vanquish – and if we don’t get it back, then-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know, all hell will be let loose on earth, blahdy-blah, been there got the tee shirt……………So how about YOU getting up off your fat lardy arse and getting your hands dirty for a change, why phone us?”
“I CAN’T DO IT!”
Buffy slipped back into bed and snuggled up to her hubby. Spike gently kissed her forehead and nestled the phone between them so they could both hear………
“Don’t want to more like, rather sit there, behind your poncey desk, in your poncey office, making poncey decisions!” Buffy had her eyes closed, but she was smiling when Spike said this.
“Spike! That has nothing to do with it!! Angel insisted, his patience wearing thin.
“What then – what’s the problem, you frightened that there isn’t anybody to run Evil Inc while you’re away? Put air-head in charge- I’m sure Harmony couldn’t make a bigger cock-up of things – any more than YOU have anyway!”
“Spike! Now just you listen here! I CAN’T go, because the time line he’s gone back to, the thing is, well if *I* encountered him………see, whatever his dastardly plot is, well, I’d probably be more than inclined to HELP him, not retrieve it…I’d be Angelus”
Buffy’s eyes opened and Spike looked at her
“Go on”
“Look, it’s complicated………Giles’ is coming over from England, he’ll be here this afternoon, Faith should be recovered enough to start patrolling again, Giles said he’d phone Kennedy in Cleveland send a couple of girls over to help her if need be, but we need you and Spike on this, ASAP”
The couple heaved a sigh, Angel continued,
“I’ll email you all the details, you can print them off and read them on the way here”
“Can we get some shut-eye now?” Spike asked
“So you’ll come then?”
“Doesn’t look like we have much bleedin’ option, does it – we need sleep. See you later – unfortunately” Spike passed Buffy the receiver, and she put it down.
“No rest for the wicked”
“Didn’t think that even I’d been THAT wicked…come on, snuggle down”
Just drifting off, the phone rang again, and Buffy answered it, going through the alphabet swearing.
“Buffy! Oh, hey I say! I hear that Oil of Evening Primrose is the stuff…”
“WHAT – Oil of…what for?”
“P-primrose oil – f-for um, PMS?” Giles stuttered
“I haven’t GOT PMS…I’ve got morons that keep phoning me while we’re TRYING to sleep!”
“Sorry…I take it that Angel has phoned you”
“Yes”
“And told you”
“Yes”
“About the Ars Daemonicus”
“Yes”
“How it was stolen”
“Yes”
“And how Wes and Gunn aren’t enough”
“Yes”
“And about how we’ve got to go back to 19th century London to help them”
“Ye – NO – he didn’t mention that bit………tell me more!” Buffy sat up in bed, and Spike groaned.
“Isn’t he going to fax you the details?”
“Well he said something about emailing them so I can print them off and read them on the way to Angel’s place…”
“Ah, good – well I must go, they’ve just called my flight, I’ll see you tonight, make sure you read the notes”
Buffy put the phone down and threw back the covers
“Where are you going now?” Spike asked, just raising his head
“To see if the email has come through yet…19th century London – back to your old haunts and stomping grounds!”
“Oooooh terrific!” Spike groaned again, putting the pillow over his head.
Five minutes later, Buffy bounced back into bed, holding several sheets of paper
“Pet…you know how you get sometimes when you haven’t had enough sleep” Spike asked
“Hmm”
“You know, I mean, your head doesn’t actually turn 360 °, and you don’t spew green bile, but…how you can be akin to the Exorcist girl………”
“What?”
“All I’m saying is, any bad moodiness mode Buffy, please direct at either Angel or Giles, not at me, coz *I* was the one who wanted you to sleep, okay?”
“Point taken – so tell me – 19th century London, what’s it like?”
“Sleep, babe”
“But I’m quite excited now!”
Spike opened his eyes and Buffy blinked, grinned and apologised.
“Okay, I know, sleep, but I doubt if I’ll sleep much, I’m too excited!”
Two minutes later, she was snoring her little head off………
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!