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Car Trouble 7 – Viva Las Vegas! By the Kings of Mercia – NC17
Everybody is ‘Vegas bound, for Xander and Anya’s wedding – IF they can all stop arguing long enough to get there that is………………
This is dedicated to: Shippy, Hotliped Jen, Patty, txjmfan, willowmouse, Sarah G, Lola, Mariana, BuffyandSpikeForever Allison, Cordykitten and Seraiza – and all the other lovely ladies who send us nice feedback, we thankyou and this is for all of you (sorry to any we missed out!)
“But you are, I SWEAR!” Buffy said, with her fingers crossed behind her back so the fib didn’t count.
“You expect me to believe, that the whelp wants me for a best man?”
“Um, uh huh!” Buffy nodded her head.
“What planet are you on – or rather, what planet do you think I’m on? I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!” Spike resumed watching the football on TV.
“Look, I’ll bring it and SHOW you, your name is the TOP of the page” Buffy said. Which was true, well, sort of.
Spike’s name was indeed at the top of the page for Xander’s best man, just not top of page one. Or two. Or even three, four or five for that matter.
They all had the names of various guys Xander knew, or knew OF, scrubbed out in different pens when asked and had refused the role of being his best man.
By page five Xander had got to being totally desperate, it read;
Guy at gas station, (one who always wipes my windows)
Paper delivery boy, (don’t know if he’s old enough.)
Avon ladies brother, (but he has v. bad speech impediment and couldn’t do a speech)
Guy who delivers propane gas to building site (check he’s not an illegal immigrant, and speaks English)
Guy at the 7-11 (check he’s not gay, he’s always smiling at me, and I think he’s checked out my ass coz he always walks behind me)
Next-door neighbour’s pool cleaners, brother’s friend (if he hasn’t been sentenced yet)
The doorbell went and Buffy went to answer it.
“Oh hi Will, come on in – what’s up”
Willow came in, with a worried frown on her face.
“Well, do you remember the picture I showed you of the possible bridesmaid dresses Anya wanted for us”
“Oh god, do I, therapy here I come!”
“Well, she might change her mind!”
“Oh thank god! – come on that’s good…isn’t it?” Buffy’s grin faded on the last two words of the sentence.
“The words ‘themed wedding’ cropped up…something about ‘Grease’ – she wants us in those-
Spike’s ears pricked up and her turned and said with a lascivious grin,
“Cor, those tight pants like what Olivia Neutron Bomb wore – whey hey!” He rubbed his hands delightedly.
Both girls just looked at him.
“What – it’ll be good – REALLY good!” Spike couldn’t understand the girl’s reluctance…..
“No, not those, she wants us to wear those sticky-out skirts, and little ankle socks and knitted cardigans…”
“You mean, the ‘look at me, I’m Sandra Dee’ sort of…” Buffy trailed off, as Willow nodded vigorously.
“Shit!” Spike turned and watched the game again, until Buffy poked him in the shoulder.
“So that means YOU’LL have to look like an Elvis reject – ha-ha! – Instead of a Billy Idol reje – Spike, no, sit down, I, oh hell – I, ooooohhhhh - get off me – Spike, put me DOWN!”
Spike swiftly picked her up and ran into the kitchen with her and threatened to dump her in the sink.
“Say you’re sorry!”
“Oh ha-bloody-ha, I mean it, say you’re sorry or else you’ll go arse first into the sink and I’ll turn on the cold tap”
“Try it buster and I’ll – Spike – aaaaahhhhh you DARE!” Spike went a little further into edging her into the sink.
“It!” Spike nudged his shoulder forward and she slipped further towards the drenching…
“Alright, alright – I’m sorry, okay – put me down now!”
He gave both cheeks of her rounded bottom a sound slap and she slid down his body
“You wait, I’ll...Hhhhmmmmmmmmmm” Spike gave her a searing, toe-curling kiss.
“Now, don’t be cheeky again, or else. And you can tell the whelp, I wear my duster, or I won’t be his best man”
Willow came into the kitchen, pulled a stool by the counter and plonked herself down.
“That’s not all. Anya said we’ve got to organise her hen night, she wanted to know where we could get the big guys with unfeasibly large muscles to strip and that”
“What – NO WAY – I FORBID IT!”
“Shut up Spike, you have NO say in this, do go on Will!”
“And of course, if you’re his best man, you have to organise his bachelor party, but Anya said absolutely NO strippers, lap dancers or hookers…”
“What – now steady on, fair’s fair and all that! How come it’s okay for you to - ”
“Shut up Spike!”
“Never mind shut up Spike! If I WAS going to organise something for a bachelor party, it would involve every stripper, lap dancer and - I mean, IF I WAS going to, not that I am.
Which I’m not, coz I don’t want to.
Don’t even want to be best man. Now if you two would kindly keep your cake-holes shut and stop yakking, I MIGHT get to watch the last half of the match in peace!”
Buffy gave him a cold look and Willow just sighed.
When Spike had gone back in the lounge Buffy said,
“Does she realise just how much this is going to cost – I don’t think any of us can afford it!”
Willow shrugged and replied
“I don’t think so – I’ve already spent a month’s allowance on their present, I can’t afford an outfit, train fare and accommodation, plus general expenses of a hen night too! – I’m saving for uni!”
Buffy looked pained. She was broke too.
“It’s no good Will, we’ll just have to talk her out of it…say…say it’s passť”
“Themed weddings, SO last year…let’s tell her…oh hell, what can we tell her?”
Spike came back into the kitchen, opened the fridge and got himself a beer.
“Tell her the truth, none of us can afford it – but we’ll go the night before, have a nice dinner somewhere, have the reception in one of the casino’s – they’ll lay on a bit of a spread I’m sure, good for publicity, then we can all hit one of the night spots for a boogie on down – that way, we can all enjoy it” Spike opened his beer, swigged, burped and went back into the lounge.
Willow looked at Buffy and they both said together,
“Not a bad idea, that!” and they giggled.
“Buffy! You shouldn’t have said anything to him – I’d got it covered.”
“Well almost” Xander looked at his feet.
“Truthfully” Buffy dropped her head to try and look in Xander’s eyes.
“Well, there WAS someone…he was almost certain that his hearing in court would be put back while they waited for psychiatric reports…”
“XANDER! – we’re talking about the happiest day of your life here – you don’t want to be with a psychotic killer!”
“Exactly – that’s why Spike was my very, and I mean VERY last resort!”
“Oh come on, he’s a pussy-cat now – but um, don’t you know, tell him I said that…and you’d better not tell him he was the last resort either”
“Why not, it’s true!”
“He’s got to give a speech about you, don’t forget!”
“Oh no he hasn’t! - All he’s got to do is to hold the ring – I bet he’ll cock that up – oh gods, why on earth did I agree to all this!”
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