Ok so this is the first thing I've ever submitted here. How long it is depends on whether people like it or not. I haven't decided on the angst level yet... So um please review and let me know if it sucks or not 'k?
It was the same thing every night. I’d go to sleep and have the dream. Different locations, same situations. Every morning I would wake up in a sweat. Why? I’d been having the dream for years with no explanation as to the cause. I turned my head on my pillow and glanced at the clock. Eight a.m.. At least I had gotten a few hours sleep this time. One thing I can always count on Will for, wearing me out so I actually get sleep.
“Morning Buffy.” Oh god he was still here. My eyes traveled over his tousled blonde hair and his sinewy muscled naked body that was still in my bed. He should know the rules by now. Will is so lucky he is a friend, otherwise I would’ve kicked him to the curb hours ago.
“Hey Will. Thought you’d be home by now.” Please just go. I hate when they get clingy and want to cuddle. I let my hazel eyes meet his blue eyes attempting to gauge what was going through his head.
"Thought about it. Then I thought differently.” He placed my hand over his morning erection. He just wants to have another round. Thank God. Sex I can handle, relationship feelings are a different game.
“I think I can squeeze something in before class,“ I smirked and lightly stroked my hand down his shaft to make sure he was at full salute and ready to do his job. I swear I’m going to have to buy stock in Trojan with this guy. I’m not complaining, though. One thing I can say about Will, I’m never left unfulfilled.
Will is the most reliable friend with benefits I have ever had. We’ve been friends for about eight years and I upped his status about eight months ago after he got rid of his psychotic ex-girlfriend. It works well for me, us. All the benefits of having a reliable repeat performer and none of the relationship hassle. We get all the fun and none of the attachments or guilt. I’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop on our happy arrangement. After a time, these arrangements get a bit sticky. The guy will get clingy and want to be serious or he finds a girl he actually wants to date. I’m all for the guys finding a girl they want to have a relationship with. Hell, someone should pretend the fairy tales are real, right? I just hate it when they decide that person is me. Completely ruins the friendship. Will, so far, hasn’t had any such inclinations. I’m really going to hate it when he does, he’s the first guy who has actually known what to do with his tongue. Speaking of that tongue.
“Oh, dear god! What are you doing down there, writing War and Peace?? Fu-uck YES!” I am definitely going to have to keep this boy around for as long as possible. With a last swipe of his tongue, Will rested his perpetually stubble covered chin on my stomach.
“Actually I was writing Hamlet’s soliloquy. I’m surprised you didn’t notice.” He grinned cheekily.
“Yuh-huh. Cute. So funny.” I moved my legs so that he wasn’t trapped between my thighs anymore. He rolled over and let out a sigh. Great, so not a good sign. He probably wants to talk or something now that he’s got me in a jell-o state.
“Same dream again?”
“Any other?” I rolled off the bed and started to get dressed. I was so not in the mood for a round of Will’s special dream analysis.
“And she’s off.” He reached over to his pants, fished out a cigarette and lit it.
“Yea, yea whatever. No time for this today. You owe me another pair of underwear,” I said, holding up my ripped underwear. I don’t know why I bother wearing any when he’s around.
“Told you not to wear them. Just get in the way.” He took a drag off his cigarette and let his other hand rest on his stomach, drawing attention to his neglected member.
“Not everyone can go commando like you. Suppose you want me to take care of that for you?” Two could play at the distraction game. I figured I’d get him off the subject of my dream.
“Be nice,” he smirked stubbing out his cigarette and disposing of it in an empty Diet Coke can.
I sat back down on the bed and let my hand trail his chest, my mouth following the path. He twisted my long blonde hair in his hand, pulling my head up before it reached his cock. He reached over to the economy size box of Trojans and handed me a condom. I rolled it down his shaft and poised myself above him.
“So tell me about it.” He asked as I mounted him.
I must be doing something wrong if he’s still trying to analyze my dream. I ignored his question and clenched my muscles around him. I received a groan for my efforts. Now I was doing something right.
“Tell me.” He panted as he pulled my head down to him and began to plunder my mouth with his tongue. He released my mouth as I continued rising and falling on him.
“Same old.” Thrust. “Ran.” Grind. "Fell." Squeeze. "Trapped." Thrust. “End.” Grind up.
“Not over.” He said as he pulled my t-shirt over my head. At least I hadn’t put on underwear again or that’d be another pair he’d owe me.
He flipped me onto my back and pulled my knees up to his shoulders. Thank god for yoga. When he’s done I’ll just roll over, get dressed, cut out and avoid any more post-coital talk. God, he is good at hitting the right spot. If I didn’t hate the idea of a relationship so much, he would be perfect. He bit down on my shoulder as he came, taking me with him. Like I said, he would be perfect, even leaves marks in easy-to-hide places.
“Wow,” I said as I pushed him to the other side of the bed and stretched out my legs.
“Yeah.” Will moved his hand by my head and lightly stroked my hair.
“Yeah. Oh damn. The time.” I rolled off the bed, grabbing clothes as I wobbled to the bathroom. I started the shower, figuring it was probably not a great idea to show up in class smelling of eau de just fucked cologne. After I climbed in the shower I heard the door open. Damn, I just became Will’s favorite kind of audience, trapped.
“You’ll never get past it if you don’t confront it, you know.” He started to pee.
“Hope you lifted the seat this time.” I used to get squicked when guys would pee while I was in the room. It was just, weird. It doesn’t even phase me that Will pees in front of me. It does bother me if I get a wet ass because he didn’t lift the seat though.
“You’re avoiding. Why won’t you at least look into it.”
“It’s no big, just a fact. I deal.” I heard him turn on the sink. Was he brushing his teeth? When did he bring a toothbrush?
“You woke up in a panic.” I heard him spit out toothpaste.
“That’s just because my head was near your armpit.” I can’t believe he brought a toothbrush with him. What’s next, a shaving kit?
“Smart ass. Fine I’ll drop it, for now.” I heard him spray shaving cream in his hand, I just had to think it, didn’t I?
“Hey Will?”
“Yea.”
“When did you bring your bathroom stuff to my house?”
“About a month ago.”
“Oh.” I leaned against the shower wall. Shit, shit, shit. This is so not good.
“Why? Do you have a problem with my hygiene?”
“No, you’re just so damn hairless, I forgot that you actually ever shaved.” I covered. Have to think fast, he’s nesting. Damn, damn, damn.
“Yes, I shave. I keep my stuff under the sink by the cleaning products. You know, where you never look.”
“Funny.”
“But true. Don’t worry, it’s just for convenience. Not a big deal pet.”
“I’m ok, not freaking. Far from.” Slow, deep breathes, Buffy, don’t let him hear the panic in your voice.
“Sure. Time to get out of the shower.” He flushed the toilet causing all my hot water to disappear.
“Not funny.” I screamed. I heard him walk out of the bathroom door and close it behind him.
I climbed out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror. He said it’s no big, so no big, right? Right. Not going to make a mountain out of this. Oh, man, is that a zit? It looks like it could be a mountain. No, I’m just going to ignore that he has a toothbrush here. Unlike this zit. No wait, not a zit, it is whisker burn. That should go away soon. I finished my morning ritual and walked out of the bathroom all fresh and pressed. Ok, not pressed, but definitely fresh. He’d gotten dressed while I was in the bathroom. I hope he’s not planning on walking me to class. Oh, nope. My X-Box controller is on the floor. He is going to game, thank God.
“So, movie tonight?”
“What? No, um, I um have a lot of stuff to do tonight.” He caught me off guard. Have to think fast, take evasive tactics.
“Uh-huh, and you’re upset.”
“No, I’m not upset, why would I be upset? I just have stuff, that’s all.”
“And you’re panicking.”
“No, I’m not. Where are my shoes?” I looked around frantically, must get out of this conversation. Oh yea, I am so freaked.
“Right here.” He indicated the foot of the bed where he was sitting.
“Right.” To prove to him how not freaked I was, I sat next to him and began to put on my shoes. He placed his hand on my foot.
“Stop. Breathe. I told you it’s not an issue.”
I glanced up at him and then looked back at his hand on my foot. “I know. It’s just…”
“It’s just I am lazy and don’t feel like getting my things out of the car every time I want to shave or be minty fresh.”
“You’re lazy, and you're an ass.” I looked up and smiled at him.
“Best one around.” He moved his hand from my foot and put his arm around my shoulder. “Besides, I’ll share my body fluids with you but there is no way in hell I’m sharing a toothbrush.”
“Eww much.” I pushed him away and got up. “Ok, I’ve got to jam. Call you later. We’ll meet at Espresso Pump or something.”
“Yea, all right luv.”
“Oh and if you insist on staying here and playing my X-Box, don’t scratch my DVDs and lock the door when you go.”
“Who said anything about X-Box?”
“I’m oblivious but not that oblivious. I can see the controller by your foot.”
“Won’t scratch your precious copy of Dirty Dancing. promise. Have fun at school, dear,” He smirked.
“You’re not funny,” I replied, walking out the door.
He said the toothbrush isn’t a big deal. On some levels he’s right. It’s not. On other levels though, it’s a huge deal. It starts with a toothbrush, then his own shampoo, next think you knw he wants a drawer and some hangers. No, I have to sabotage this thing now. I’ll just do the avoidy thing. I’m good at that. I have to od it now before things get to weird.
* * * * * *
He called to meet up at The Espresso Pump that night. I told him I was going to be stuck in the library. Ok, not a believable excuse coming from me but it was worth a shot. I avoided him for a few days, then a week. I figured if I just let a little time pass I could get unwigged out about the whole toothbrush thing. Yeah, that’s not how Will works. He’s a confront-things-head-on kind of guy and just won’t let a subject drop.
“Buffy.” Shit, he had me trapped at my front door.
“Will, what are you doing here?” I feigned surprise. I knew he was going to show up sooner or later if I kept avoiding him. I had been hoping for later.
“Just, stop. Drop the act.” Uh-oh, he is pissed. This is what I get for ignoring his phone calls. I’ve fucked it up. I was trying for sabotage and succeed to the next level of fucking it up. Hopefully I can fix some of it before the whole friendship is killed.
“Ok, act dropped. Come in before the neighbors decide to take an interest.” I opened the door and we walked in. He sat down on the sofa while I dropped my backpack by the door and went into the kitchen. If this was going to be a blow out I was going to have a drink or two in me. “You want something to drink?”
“No, yes, no.” He ran his hands through his hair and looked at me. “Yeah, I think maybe I do.”
“O.k.” I made myself a Captain Morgan and Diet Coke and brought him one of his beers from my fridge. I sat down on the sofa next to him, handed him his beer and took a drink from mine. “Say it, get it over with.”
“What the bleedin’ hell are you doing? Why are you playing this game with me that you’ve played with the other guys?”
“Game?”
“I know you. We’ve been friends far too long and I’ve watched you throw guys away like used Kleenex. As soon as things get too much for you, you’re gone. You did this Scott and Riley, now you’re doing it to me.”
“Oh, that game.” Yeah I was going to need more than one drink. He is calling me out. I knew everything had been going too well. He knows me as well, if not better than, myself. I am so screwed.
“Yeah, that one, “ he said. “What are you so scared of? I told you it wasn’t a big deal, of course you saw through that, but still.”
“You know I don’t want a relationship. They are too much work. There is too much involved and at risk.”
“You don’t think our thing is involved or a risk? We’ve been exclusive for eight months. Eight months. I haven’t even thought about another girl since we started.”
“Why do you have to go and complicate things? It was good. Wasn’t it good? Weren’t we happy as we were? Why do you have to bring the whole relationship thing into it? Why can’t we just stay friends? Stay as we are, were.” I got up and began pacing around the back of the sofa. Why did he have to throw a monkey wrench into everything? He knows I don’t deal well with the idea of a relationship. We were friends the last time I was actually in one. He knows what I went through with Angel. He saw how well that didn’t work. Now I’m going to lose my friend because of this bullshit.
“It was good. It just isn’t enough. I’m tired of being your beck and call boy.”
“You’re not my beck and call boy,” I said, looking into my drink.
“Beck and call boy, fuck buddy, call it what you like. I’m not playing the game anymore.” He looked down at his beer bottle and began peeling the label off.
“You knew the rules coming into this. Why are you trying to change them now?” I walked into the kitchen to pour more Captain Morgan into my glass.
“Yeah, I knew them. I thought maybe, being it was us, it would be different.” He got up and met me in the kitchen. He sat his empty beer bottle on the counter and took my hand that was on my glass.
“But it’s not. You can’t change the rules in the middle of the game.” I looked at his hand on mine and then looked into his eyes. “You just can’t, it never works.”
“It could if you wanted it to.” He raised his free hand to my face and caressed my cheek.
“You think this is easy for me?” I turned my face away from him and concentrated on a piece of ice in my glass.
“Just let it happen.” He leaned forward and kissed my eyelids and then my mouth.
“I can’t.” I tore away from him. “Don’t you see that it is just not something I can do?”
“No, you can do it, you just refuse to. You know why you keep having that nightmare of being trapped?”
“I don’t care why I have that nightmare. I just have it.”
“Well, I care. You’re terrified. You are a terrified little girl who is afraid of living her life. So you throw away any possibility for happiness or a relationship. It’s selfish. It’s stupid and it’s selfish and you’re going to end up alone and miserable.”
“Thanks for the insight, doc. You’ve just solved everything. I’m all cured. Guess you can go now.” I sat back on the sofa and pulled my knees up to my chest, refusing to look at him.
“Guess I can.” He walked over to the door. “I hope you find whatever it is you want someday Buffy.” He opened the door and walked out.
I can’t believe he left. My one constant, my brick wall, left me. I released the tears I’d been holding back.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!