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Author's Name: Sarah Aless
Author's E-mail: give_it_to_me_spikey@yahoo.co.uk
Title: Show Me The Way To Go Home
Disclaimer: They're not mine *big sigh* Joss and Mutant Enemy own
them I'm just having fun......and wishing and definitely not making
any money.
Distribution:www.geocities.com/spikeaholic20, One Good Lay, StS, &
www.vampires-kiss.net .Anyone else.....Put it where you like ;-) but
please tell me where it's going.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: S/B
Feedback: Yes please.....pretty please. Pretty pretty please.
Spoilers: Season 6 - Hell’s Bells
Author's Notes / Summary: First off in this fic Anya and Xander's ‘not-a-wedding’ WAS a wedding – cos I just hated how cruel that episode was to have Anya give her ‘best-friend’ speech and then have her heart ripped out. Anya and Xander don’t really feature in the fic but I wanted to fix that.
The fic is Spike/Buffy and they are both drunk, and we all know how THAT loosens the inhibitions. Mostly written to make myself feel better for the drunken embarrassment I caused myself over the holidays.

The Slayer was good and drunk. Her admission to Spike that it hurt to see him with someone else had been the biggest understatement of her life. She half wished she hadn’t convinced him to stay when he said that he’d leave, but she had made her bed and she would have to lie in it. That thought took her to a dangerous place so she went searching for the wine.

Her emotions had been considerably muddled even before the copious amounts of wine and champagne she had consumed. She was so happy for Anya and Xander that she could burst, yet every time she caught sight of Spike it felt like someone had ripped her heart out and was stomping it into the ground. It being a wedding and all she’d wanted to hang on to the happy feelings so she continued to studiously apply herself to getting as drunk as possible.

By seven in the evening she was buzzing around her friends, decidedly merry and entirely oblivious to the pair of blue eyes hazily watching her from across the room. Spike’s date had long since departed, entirely pissed at the vamps inattention and seeming obsession with watching the small blonde in the radioactive bridesmaid dress. After the girl had left Spike had begun knocking back the whiskey like there was no tomorrow. He was slumped in his chair now, a bottle of whiskey and a glass on the table before him as he watched the ‘happy’ Buffy that he rarely got to see. Spike was conflicted too; she did ‘glow’ but a selfish part of him hated seeing her happy at all without him. ‘Of course’ he snorted to himself taking a swig of his drink ‘mostly the glow is cos of all the bloody wine she’s been drinking. Silly little bint. Didn’t she learn anything from the night I took her to kitten poker?’

Eventually it was time to wave Anya and Xander off. Buffy swayed slightly as she waved, a bright smile lighting up her face. When they’d gone everyone made their way back inside leaving just Buffy, Willow and Tara at the roadside all with soppy grins on their faces. Willow and Tara seemed to be getting on remarkably well and practically skipped back into the building, both oblivious to the extent of Buffy’s intoxication. Dawn was off already canoodling with the horned teenage demon she’d met earlier. Buffy’s smile faded by degrees as she turned to make her way up the three or four steps up to the path to the building.

Sure enough in true ‘drunken bum’ style she caught her foot in the hem of her hideous dress and fell incredibly gracelessly, face-first up the steps.

“Oh…….bugger!” she slurred as she attempted to push herself up, her arms slipping out from under her and refusing to take her weight.

She managed to prop herself up on her elbows and look up at the figure standing over her when she heard a chuckle.

“Glad to hear I had some impact on your life luv.” Spike was slurring a little less than Buffy.

“Wha….wha….whaddyamean?” she managed eventually. She tried to get up again but her feet got hopelessly tangled in the dress “stupid dress” she muttered to Spike’s amusement.

“Last I knew schlayer ‘bugger’ wasn’t a common exp….exp….curse word hereabouts.” Maybe Spike wasn’t as sober as he’d thought; he was still way ahead of Buffy on the sober front though.

“Well, atch’lly….for your infromat’n mister. I learned that from (hiccup) Giles” Buffy was very proud that she’d managed a whole sentence.

“Ssssure ya did Slayer.” he slurred offering her a hand to pull herself up on.

Buffy did her best to give his hand a withering look “I can do it myself” she stated, her actions contradicting her statement in the most annoying way. She wasn’t angry at Spike or anything but she was under the mistaken drunken belief that she didn’t need any help.

Spike shrugged and took a seat on a low wall that ran up the side of the steps and continued alongside the path to the building. He lit a cigarette and watched with growing amusement as Buffy attempted to get to her feet. By the time he had finished his cigarette Buffy had given up. After her first few unsuccessful attempts Spike’s laughter had made her decide to just stay put until he finished smoking and went inside.

Stamping out his cigarette Spike moved over to her and held out his hand again.

“Go away Schpike” she said pouting slightly (which Spike found adorable) “told you…can do it m’sself. Jus’ don’ need an audience.” Propping herself up on one elbow she attempted to bat his hand away and of course missed entirely, sending herself sprawling forward.

Spike tutted at her and finally lost patience. Leaning down he grabbed her under the arms and hauled her to her feet.

“Eeep” Buffy squealed at the unexpected motion. Once she was standing she started to protest again “Spike! I told…..” was as far as she got before he cut her off.

“Slayer! You are plastered.” he carefully enunciated every word to hide his own inebriation (which he now realised was practical sobriety next to the state she was in).

“m’not!” she huffed sullenly.

“Oh yeah?” Spike challenged raising an eyebrow. Ever since he had stood her up he’d been steadying her with his arms under her forearms, his hands gripping her elbows. At her denial he let go of her entirely and watched as she managed to actually stop herself falling backwards. She wasn’t so lucky when her centre of gravity overcompensated and she tipped forward. The dress was twisted round her legs, preventing her from taking a step forward and she helplessly flailed her arms as she fell towards Spike. Her fingers latched round his belt and she clung on tight, lifting her head she found that she was face-to-….well, crotch with his cock.

“Ooh,” she laughed drunkenly “haven’ been thisclose to lil’ Spikeykins for a while.”

“Right!” Spike said. Grabbing her arms again he pulled her over to sit on the low wall he’d recently vacated. Once she was seated he worked on untwisting the dress from round her ankles so that she could walk. He was just about to launch into a speech about how she really couldn’t handle her drink, and did she want to be ill like last time? when they were jumped by an opportunistic vampire. Both being more than a little the worse for wear it actually took them a moment to get into gear. After five minutes and a fight so ludicrous it defied description they eventually managed to get a stake into his heart. Neither was sure which one of them had actually struck the fatal blow but the vamp was actually grateful to be dusted to escape the agony of the numerous ‘stake-holes’ now covering his body.

Spike turned to Buffy with a huge grin on his face just in time to see her breathe in a lungful of vampire dust. Her face turned almost as green as her dress and she quickly ducked behind some convenient bushes. Spike’s grin widened as he heard her begin to be violently ill.

“Y’know Slayer,” he smiled “someone as little as you are shouldn’t drink s’much. And you definitely shouldn’t jump around like you just did when you have.”

“Shuddup Spike.” Buffy managed between retches, making Spike chuckle again.

She eventually emerged looking extremely flushed, partly from embarrassment, partly from the ‘violently ill’ part. She was, however a lot steadier on her feet, although still unquestionably drunk. She felt a lot better too, the world was no longer spinning quite so energetically.

“Euuurrgh!” she exclaimed “I need to go home, get out of this dress, and brush my teeth. My mouth tastes disgusting.”

“Attractive luv!” Spike responded sarcastically.

“And again I say shuddup Spike.”

“Well, I better come with you schlayer” Spike asserted “cos, you’re still teetering about a bit and I don’t think you’d make it if matey there has any pals hanging about.”

Buffy thought about arguing but quickly decided she couldn’t be bothered. “Okay,” she reluctantly agreed “but only cos I’m going to go patrolling when I’m less icky-mouthed and you might come in handy.”

“Always handy for you luv” Spike replied.

Buffy looked at him carefully trying to decide if his words were a sexy double entendre, a dig about her calling him convenient once upon a time, or merely an agreement that he’d always be ready to help with the slaying. ‘Oh who cares what he meant,’ Buffy thought ‘let him say what he wants. I’m in perfect control of myself. He won’t get to me with his sexy talk, not like I’m going to be thinking about his arousingly piercing eyes, his washboard abs or his………..damnit, get a grip Buffy!’

In an effort to jump off her current train of thought she began striding purposefully towards her house. Spike fell into step beside her and stayed mercifully quiet until Buffy made a wrong turn. She was having a great deal of trouble stopping herself thinking sexy thoughts about Spike and what with the alcohol and her mind wandering so much she’d unconsciously started walking towards the nearest cemetery. She was stopped by Spike catching her arm and even through her haze she felt the electricity that always shot through her at his touch.

“Wrong way luv.” Spike said

“Ooops,” she replied “guess the ‘violently-ill' didn’t sober me up as much as I thought. Good thing I got my own little vamp navigator to show me the way to…..oh!” she grinned as she remembered something from her childhood. Linking her arm with Spike’s she began to walk towards her house again, as they walked she began to sing.

“Show me the way to go home,
I’m tired and I wanna go to bed
‘had a little drink about an hour ago
and it’s gone right to my head”

She giggled as Spike continued

"Wherever you may roam
On land, or sea or foam
You can always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go home."

“You know that song too?” she asked

“Well obviously Slayer. Very popular when I was mortal that was. I’m surprised you do though.”

“My Grandpops taught it me.” Buffy smiled back at him.

“So,” Spike now had that annoying but damned arousing smirk on his face “I’ve shown you the way to go home. Let’s talk about the going to bed part. I’m sure I could make the tiredness go away.”

“Ewwww Spike!” Buffy’s words belied the heat gathering at her core at his words. “That was a lovely childhood memory of Pops you just destroyed there! And……well, we don’t do that any more so shuddup!” She pulled her arm from his and swatted at his shoulder, not making much contact though due to her inebriation.

Spike put his hands in the air, laughing “Ok I’m sorry Slayer. Sorry for tainting the memory, but you have to admit you’re more than a little interested in the rest.”

“Am not!” she denied again “So be quiet. Now!”

They got the rest of the way home without Spike saying anything, lewd, crude or let’s face it enticing. They didn’t see a single vampire all the way there. Once inside Buffy left Spike in the kitchen with instructions to make coffee and went upstairs to clean her teeth and splash copious amounts of cold water on her face. When she’d done this and changed into sweats ‘Nothing remotely sexy’ she’d told herself ‘he doesn’t need any encouragement to tease me, which leads to the tempting which leads to…nope definitely functional sweats top and bottoms for me.’ On returning to the kitchen she was surprised to find that Spike had almost done as he was told. There was a steaming mug of coffee on the island for her. He however, was swigging whiskey straight from the bottle that he’d pilfered from the wedding.

Grinning to herself that Spike had, to a degree, managed to straight-forwardly carry out her request she reached for the cup. Her grin changed to a half-frown of consternation when she looked at the coffee.

“Spike, there’s only half a cup here.” She pointed out.

‘Actually only a quarter of the cup is coffee’ Spike thought to himself with an inner giggle. “Just drink it Slayer.” He groused.

Buffy took a mouthful and immediately after she swallowed it her face screwed up, her tongue protruded and “Bleurgh,” she shuddered “Spike! You put whiskey in this didn’t you?”

Spike couldn’t help the mischievous grin. “Well, you wasted perfectly good wine by vomiting it up, and again, I say ‘attractive’ luv. I however am still a bit squiffy and I don’t fancy being drunk alone, so I made you an Irish coffee.”

“Spike! It tastes like you put a whole bottle in here.”

“Oh, hush Slayer. Just drink up. I have plans for you and somehow I think it’ll go better if you’re drunk.”

Buffy eyed him suspiciously. “When you say plans…….?” The whiskey was already giving her a warm feeling as it slid down her throat and she could feel the light-headedness increasing. God but he looked sexy lounging against the counter, even if he was swaying a little (and she was sure he was, it wasn’t just HER drunkenness). She had a glint in her eye now and a saucy look was overtaking her facial features as the whiskey reacted with the other alcohol already in her system.

Spike composed his face into a shocked expression at her flirtatious look and tone of questioning. “Well, Schlayer,” he said taking a swig from the bottle “I do believe you’re giving me bedroom eyes over there. And hear I just wanted a little dance with you. What with you saying it was over and all I figured a little liquid encouragement would put you in a charitable mood. Way you’re looking at me right now though, maybe I shouldn’t have wasted whiskey on you, you’re obviously up for it anyway…...”

While he was talking Buffy downed the rest of the coffee and he stopped talking entirely when she moved closer. Her eyes were half-lidded as she moved in front of him so that their bodies were almost touching. Parting her lips slightly she lifted up on her tiptoes to bring her mouth to his. Just as Spike leaned down to her she grabbed the bottle of whiskey from his hand and danced backwards before he could grab her or the bottle. Moving quickly, though not necessarily steadily, she put the island between them. They both moved sideways round the island, Spike with a thunderous countenance and Buffy grinning tauntingly at him.
Well, is it working or have I gone insane?
Review for more - no point me adding the smutty stuff if no-one wants it is there? hehe ;)

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