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05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
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Authors Chapter Notes:
This is my latest AU fic, and like most of my others, it is fairly fluffy and romantic. I hope you enjoy this first chapter, and tell me if you like it or not please:)

“When was the last time you had an orgasm?” Anya Jenkins asked, looking at her boss and friend Buffy Summers.

“We’re at work, Anya- this isn’t a suitable conversation to have right now,” Buffy muttered as she walked into her office, sitting down at her desk and opening her laptop.

“There’s no one here,” Anya replied, crossing her arms. “We’re closing the gallery in five minutes- not like anyone is going to walk in suddenly.” She sighed and looked down. “No one ever does.”

“What was that?” Buffy asked, raising her eyes from the laptop’s screen.

“It’s a slow night,” Anya said. “No one is going to come in. I think it’s a perfectly fine time to talk about your lack of a love life.”

“I’m busy,” Buffy said, glaring at the other woman for a moment before focusing her attention on a spreadsheet she had opened.

“I don’t see why you’re trying to be evasive,” Anya replied, walking to sit down on a chair in front of Buffy’s desk. “Friends talk about guys, relationships, sex…”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Buffy said, waving it off.

“I know!” Anya said, throwing her hands up in frustration, ignoring Buffy’s confused expression. “You’re young, beautiful, and not to mention fairly financially stable- I don’t understand why you aren’t sitting on the lap of some thirty-something stud.”

“Because I don’t have good luck when it comes to men,” Buffy said. “You know that as well as I do.”

“But that doesn’t mean you should suddenly become asexual,” Anya said sharply. “There are plenty of guys out there who’d love to sleep with you.”

“Anya, if I wanted a one-night stand, I’d go to a bar, get extremely drunk, and throw myself at the first somewhat attractive man I came upon.”

“Then have at it,” Anya suggested. “I’m begging you.”

“Where is this coming from?” Buffy asked, clasping her hands on top of the desk.

“I’m sick of seeing you mope around here all day,” her friend answered. “You haven’t dated anyone since-”

“Don’t say his name,” Buffy cut in, narrowing her eyes at Anya.

“You’ve been single for almost a year- haven’t you had enough time to move on?” Anya asked. “Not like he was the love of your life.”

“We dated for seven years,” Buffy replied, crossing her arms. “You don’t get over a seven-year relationship in a week, you know.”

“Yes, I realize that, but I don’t understand why you’re shutting yourself off from every person you meet with a penis,” Anya said.

Buffy ran a hand over her face, not knowing whether to giggle at the absurdity of her friend’s claim or cry as memories of the last man she loved ran rampant in her head.

“Hear me out,” Anya said, standing up and walking behind the desk, looking over Buffy’s shoulder. “There’s a website I found a couple of weeks ago that sounds right up your alley.”

“A website?” Buffy asked, looking at Anya as she shooed Buffy out of her seat.

Buffy got up and watched as Anya sat down, quickly typing a link before a page came up on the screen.

“See?” Anya asked, motioning to it as she looked at Buffy.

The International Love Agency?” Buffy asked, raising an eyebrow. “What the hell is this?”

“It’s a site created for single people all over the globe to visit and maybe find a match,” Anya answered, standing and ushering Buffy to sit down. “You’d be amazed at how many men use it. I came across a local hottie and had a good time with him.”

“You went on a date with someone you met online?” Buffy asked, her eyes widening. “Do you know how unsafe that is?”

“It worked out for the best,” Anya said, shrugging. “He was a Viking in the sack.”

“Have you seen him since?” Buffy asked as she casually clicked on a link that said Find a Match Near You.

“No, but I have his number somewhere,” Anya answered, walking towards the door of the office. “I’ll go lock up while you look around.”

“No, I’ll do it,” Buffy replied, making a face as she got up. “I’m not going to meet a guy online- that kind of thing doesn’t work out all that well.”

“You never know who you’ll find,” Anya said, watching as Buffy walked past her.

“My point exactly,” Buffy muttered as she went to the front door, switching the lock before turning off the lights in the main part of the gallery, sighing as she heard Anya let herself out, leaving her all alone.

Don’t think about looking for a guy on that site, Buffy told herself as she returned to her office. It will either lead to a world of bad or end up being a waste of time.

Five minutes later, she had a list of available men in her area on the laptop’s screen, making her smile at all of the possibilities she suddenly had right at her fingertips.

* * * * *

The following morning, Buffy opened the door of the gallery and headed to her office, whistling a song she had heard in the car. She set her purse down on the desk before setting up her laptop and turning it on.

When Anya arrived twenty minutes later, she heard the sound of Buffy giggling and followed it, tracking her to the office. She stood in the doorway and watched as Buffy looked up from the laptop with a sheepish smile on her face.

“What’re you looking at?” Anya asked curiously, tilting her head. “Did you find male porn?”

“No, but it’s pretty close,” Buffy replied, moving the laptop so Anya could see the screen. “I’ve been scanning through profiles of guys since I came in. You wouldn’t believe how many men have their… penis size somewhere on the page. And not only that, but most of them sound so cocky, so arrogant- it doesn’t speak well for the future of the world if this is what type of men exist nowadays.”

“There are some good ones out there,” Anya said, walking towards the desk and sitting down. “You just have to look around a bit. You might find a diamond in the rough.”

“Even if I do, it’s not like I’m going to contact one of them,” Buffy said, shrugging. “It’s just fun to see what options I potentially have.”

“I don’t see why you wouldn’t send out any messages,” Anya said. “You can leave little notes, and if they’re interested, they will reply.”

“How do I know if these guys are being honest?” Buffy asked, getting a new profile to appear on the screen. “For all I know, the pictures I’m seeing aren’t actually of the person the profile belongs to. Either that, or they’ve been enhanced or fixed.”

“Got to love technology these days,” Anya replied, smiling. “My chest looks bigger in the picture on my profile.”

“You have a profile on here?” Buffy asked, practically hissing. “Are you crazy?”

“Need I remind you of the stallion I rode a couple of weeks ago?” Anya asked, grinning. “I wouldn’t mind finding another one.” She sighed wistfully before turning serious. “You should have a profile, too. That way you can contact a guy and he can find out more about you without you having to hold a conversation with him.”

“I don’t have time to make one,” Buffy said, getting up. “I have a gallery to run.”

“Then I’ll do it,” Anya replied, getting up and sitting behind Buffy’s desk.

“Fine,” Buffy murmured before walking out of the room, hearing the keys on her laptop clicking as Anya began creating a profile for her.

* * * * *

Half an hour passed by before Anya emerged from the office, looking fairly smug.

“It’s done,” she said. “Go look at it and make sure it’s okay.”

“We have a customer looking at the little Greek statue in the corner,” Buffy replied quietly, motioning to the man. “See if you can convince him to buy it. We’ve had it for months and I think it’s hideous- it’s time to get rid of it.”

“Sounds good,” Anya said, taking a deep breath before approaching the man.

Buffy turned and walked into her office, sitting down and looking at the profile Anya made.

Name: Buffy Summers
Age: 29
Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Looking for: Single Male
Likes: Painting, reading romance novels, renting movies and curling up on the couch, and traveling
Dislikes: Poorly-done works of art, liars, people who lack intelligent thoughts, and men with brown hair

Buffy laughed as she finished reading it before clicking on a button to submit the profile. Anya appeared soon after, clapping excitedly.

“Do you like it?” she asked.

“It’s perfect,” Buffy answered. “Any sales while I was back here?”

“I off-loaded the statue to Mr. Adams,” Anya said, grinning. “He even paid full price for it.”

“How did you manage to convince him to purchase it?” Buffy asked, surprised.

“I told him that the statue undoubtedly has a smaller penis than he does and that it would be a wise investment because he’d always be grateful for his nicely-sized package,” Anya said brightly, not noticing Buffy’s eyes as they bugged out. “He seemed to appreciate the compliment and instantly said he’d buy it. I’ll arrange for Owen to deliver it tomorrow.”

“Great,” Buffy replied, watching as Anya left the office, a slight bounce in her step. “And hopefully there won’t be any sexual harassment charges pressed against her this week.”

* * * * *

Buffy spent her lunch-hour scouring through profiles, not finding any that looked interesting. It was as noon rolled around that she came across one that seemed fairly appealing.

Name: William Brooks
Age: 32
Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Looking for: Single Female
Likes: Traveling, photography, and going to concerts
Dislikes: Deceitful women who are emotional vampires and suck the life out of a man

“Well, that’s enlightening,” Buffy joked as she studied the picture that accompanied the profile, remembering that she’d have to add one to her own profile at some point. “Well, Mr. Brooks, you’re not all that bad on the eyes.”

Anya came in and moved to stand behind Buffy, looking at the picture she was analyzing with a pensive expression.

“He looks kind of… nerdy,” Anya said, frowning. “His hair is a sandy brown, which I wouldn’t normally go for, he would look better with contacts than those glasses, and he seems kind of frail.”

“I think his hair is nice,” Buffy replied. “And behind those glasses are pretty blue eyes, something I’m a sucker for.” She turned her attention to his lean frame. “I’ve dated enough muscular guys, Anya- I think it’s time to try something new.”

“You’re going to send him a message?” Anya asked excitedly, clapping when Buffy nodded.

“Now I just have to figure out what to say to him,” Buffy said, sighing. “I’m not good with things like this.”

“Want me to do it?” Anya asked with a hopeful expression.

“No,” Buffy answered a shade too quickly. “I’ll figure something out.”

“Suit yourself,” Anya replied, shrugging and leaving the office as Buffy began to type.

Dear William,

I saw your profile on the LVA site and was interested in what I read. I don’t really know the proper protocol for situations like this, but I would like to know more about you if you’re open to maybe talking sometime.

With regards,

She clicked the send button before putting more thought into it, taking a deep breath before standing up and shutting the laptop.

Time to go live a normal life, she told herself as she exited the office. And as a reward, you can skim through more profiles tonight.

She smiled broadly at the thought before heading in the direction of a customer, hoping the day would pass by quickly.

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