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Author's Corner

[Reviews - 3]

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ePub eBook

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Authors Chapter Notes:
All words surrounded by 'single quotation marks' are thoughts.

This is something I did really quickly. I have read through it numerous times, it is unbeta’d but I hope it’s okay. And I hope it doesn’t totally suck as it’s my first fic lol

If the night was warm he didn’t feel it. He didn’t feel much of anything anymore, nothing but the cold that encompassed his dead, unbeating heart. Had he ever been able to feel? He couldn’t say for certain, ever since that day everything had seemed numb. He’d heard the phrase of being ‘comfortably numb’, even heard songs about it, but there was nothing comfortable about the numbness that surrounded him. He felt suffocated, blind and as though he had been tied down to some immeasurable weight.

But he reminded himself that as a vampire, he would never suffocate. As he watched the stars that burned brightly above him, he knew he wasn’t blind. And the solid ground that he lay on proved he was not being weighed down into the earth, as he was exactly where he was some 6 hours ago.

So, no he could definitely say that he was not comfortably numb, considering he felt things that weren’t actually happening, especially things of such an uncomfortable nature.

Spike’s once bright blue eyes now gazed dully towards the night’s sky. He had once heard somewhere that stars could die out but their light would still shine for years after.

He chuckled bitterly at the thought. Something so beautiful could be ripped away, yet it could still be seen long after its death.

He still saw her. Yet he knew without a doubt she wasn’t there.

She had been gone longer than he cared to think about. But he still saw her sometimes, still caught her scent on the air, sometimes he could swear that he heard her sweet, tinkling laugh float through the cemetery where she would now lay sleeping forever.

It was times like that, that Spike knew he was going insane.

But it didn’t matter anymore, not to the grieving vampire that lay next to Buffy’s grave.

‘Buffy’s Grave’.

Something that, if he had seen many years ago would have caused him celebrate and dance on the earth that covered her body. But now, there was nothing; no dances, no tears, just a vast emptiness that seemed to expand with time.

It was easier like this though. The first years had been hard, incredibly so. And yet he often thought wistfully of those times, because at least then he hadn’t been alone.

Spike felt a ghost of a smile trespass upon his otherwise emotionless face as he remembered those who were now long gone.

Dawn. Before her older sister’s death she had been the epitome of all things teenager, from the mass amounts of stuffed animals that adorned her unmade bed to the non-too-quiet snits she would throw when she didn’t get her own way. After Buffy’s death though, she had changed, she became withdrawn and cold, and something so unlike little Dawnie it almost brought tears to Spike’s eyes.

But eventually Dawn blossomed into the young woman Buffy and her mother had always dreamed she’d be. After spending her early twenties in Sunnydale, she moved to England to live with Giles, soon after he received a letter saying she had begun training as a Watcher. And although Spike had never thought highly of The Watcher’s Council he couldn’t help the swell of pride he felt for Dawn.

Only a few years passed before he stopped receiving her weekly letters, a phone call from Giles confirmed what Spike already knew. Dawn had been killed while on patrol with her Slayer.

For Spike the world had become even less bright that day, and considering the haze that already surrounded him, he was surprised it could.

The next to pass had been Giles, Spike still didn’t know much but from what he had gathered an attack had been made on the Watcher’s Council Head Quarters. Although they had never been close Spike mourned the loss with a large glass of Scotch, which he raised in memory of Buffy’s Watcher.

With half the original Scoobies gone it was only a question of who would fall next. It had been Willow, Spike again mourned the loss. But not for long as he found witch feeding from a young woman outside the Bronze, the young woman had turned out to be Tara. As he dusted the red-head, he already knew it was too late for the blonde witch.

But he couldn’t mourn, not this time. He had already lost so much, he didn’t see the point.

Lastly there had been Xander. Spike’s eyes welled with tears he refused to let fall. Towards the end Xander had let go of his demon prejudices and found an unlikely friend in the blonde vampire. They would often sit in the Bronze eating spicy buffalo wings and drowning their sorrows, looking for an unreachable answer in the bottom of their glasses. They never spoke of the old times, never once uttered the names of fallen loved ones. They talked of patrols and sometimes their mutual dislike of Angel. One time the topic of Anya had been brought up, Spike still didn’t know exactly what happened there, all he knew was that the ex-vengeance demon had left and hadn’t yet returned.

It had been nice for a while, knowing that someone was still there. It kept the vampire grounded. Until the night he found Xander’s lifeless body lying in Restfield cemetery. Spike had carefully carried his friend’s body to a secluded area and spent the night digging his grave. He had worked hard, never letting his grief out until the last bit of earth covered the man.

Then he had fallen, his knees giving out beneath him as sobs tore through his body. He pounded his fist into the earth, screaming into the night. Tears cut down his handsome face, but did little to ease the pain that ripped through him.

Spike knew then that he had nothing left.

He had no one left.

Sure there was Angel. And Drusilla was still out there somewhere but he didn’t want them, they weren’t his family anymore, that place had been filled by Buffy and her friends.

And now they had all left him.

But still Spike carried on, not sure of his purpose or why he didn’t give up.

But it was different now, over a hundred years had passed and he still mourned. Still returned to the grave of the woman he loved each night.

But tonight something had changed.

He lay next to Buffy’s eternal resting place; sightless eyes stared up into the sky that began to turn light with a vibrant pink and purple; a warning of the approaching dawn.

Tonight he finally gave up the fight.

Looking up at Buffy’s headstone his eyes flickering over her name, he felt his final tears fall. Placing a hand on the ground next to him, above where her body lay, he whispered hoarsely “I love you.” Pouring all his love into the words she would never hear, but he longed to say to her.

As the first deadly ray of sun hit his face, his eyes fell shut and his flesh began to sizzle. Yet he never moved, never even flinched.

Spike welcomed the end he knew was coming, finally he was able to rest.

“Can we rest now? Buffy...Can we rest?” And as his body crumbled into ash he felt warm for the first time since Buffy had died.


He was warm, comfy and...’alive?’

“Nope, sorry, but being alive? Not all it’s cracked up to be.” Came the cheerful reply to his unspoken question.

But Spike never heard the words; all he could hear was her voice.

Opening his eyes, he saw Buffy leaning over him with a 100-watt smile lighting up her delicate features. Her long blonde hair tumbled down, and he could smell the vanilla-scented shampoo she had always used. He stared into her twinkling hazel eyes that held so much life he was having a hard time forgetting she was supposed to be dead.

“Took you long enough to wake up, you could at least say hello.” She huffed over-dramatically, before her smile reappeared, almost blinding him with its intensity.

Slowly he brought a hand up to play with the tips of her silky blonde hair, letting the strands slip through his fingers.

“Where...” He let out a shaky breath before trying again. “Where are we?”

“Hmm not too sure, but everyone’s here, we’ve been waiting a long time for you, mister.” Again Buffy’s reply was carefree and happy.

Spike sat up carefully, never taking his eyes of the golden goddess before him. ‘Everyone’s here? Waitin’ for me?’

“Yup” Popping the ‘p’ as she always had, Buffy looked at the vampire worriedly. “I know everything’s a little...confusing at first, but it’ll get better. When I first came, there was only Mom here but now—“

“Spike!!! Oh my god!!” Dawn’s squeal cut off whatever Buffy had been about to say. The next thing Spike knew he had a teenage Dawn clinging to him, squealing in his ear. Although he was still dazed and confused he hugged her back fiercely. “I missed you soooo much!” Her voice lowering slightly, so she wouldn’t deafen him.


“Well duh, who else?” She grinned at him.

“Hey, man. What took you?” Xander’s smiling face suddenly appeared.

‘Okay this is—‘

“Bizarre? Yeah, pretty much my analysis when I got here.”


The witch smiled down at him kindly. She nodded before dropping to her knees and wrapping her arms around him and Dawn. She whispered tearfully in his ear, “Thank you.”

Spike didn’t have to ask what for, he already knew.

Soon he felt more arms band around him, pulling him into the tightest embrace he had ever known. He felt so warm and...loved.

Finally the Scoobies broke away, all with tears misting their vision. Spike’s eyes soon found Buffy’s face again, and she gave him a watery yet happy smile and pulled him to his feet.

Standing up, the vampire looked at their surroundings. It was Sunnydale, yet not. Everything seemed brighter and less evil. He decided he liked it. Starting slightly when he felt Buffy’s hand slip into his own, he stared down at their entwined fingers then moved his gaze to Buffy’s smiling face.

That’s when he knew.

He was in Heaven.

“Come on, Mom’s dying to see you...y’know figuratively anyways.” Her tinkling laugh sounded like music to his ears, filling him with a warm feeling he thought he would never feel again.


“Yeah” Smiling sweetly at the tears that flooded his eyes, she knew that he had liked her mother, even if she had threatened to stake him for going near her. “And she told me to tell you that she has those little marshmallows...”

Watching Spike’s face light up in a boyish grin she didn’t think she’d seen before, she squeezed his hand gently. She had missed him so much, which at first she found unbelievable; but she had.

Buffy had watched his struggles after her death, and the deaths of her family and friends, and her heart had been captured by him completely. Not because he had suffered but because while he had suffered she had been able to read his every thought and emotion and she had realised that no one would ever love her more than Spike did, and she knew that she didn’t want anyone else’s love. She wanted her vampire. And now, finally she had him.

They both realised that the gang had disappeared, probably already walking to Buffy’s house. Shyly they looked at each other before setting out on the small journey across the peaceful town.

A thought suddenly occurred to Spike. “How did you lot hear what I was thinkin’ before?”

“Ahh yeah, we can all talk telepathically. I’m not sure why we can, but it sure cuts the phone bill.” Buffy joked lightly. “You can always shield your thoughts, but Giles will explain it better than me, so you’ll have to ask him.”


“Hmm?” Buffy demanded, “I tell you we can all communicate telepathically and you say: hmm?” She laughed softy. “I know it’s all kinda ‘blah’ at first, being in Heaven I mean, but it gets easier after a while, there’s loads of little perks that come with being in Heaven, and I’m pretty sure—“

Pressing a finger against her lips, he spoke softly with an amused smile on his face. “You’re babbling”

She let out another one of her small laughs that warmed his heart. “I do, do that don’t I?” Her nose scrunching up adorably. ‘God I missed her.’

“I missed you too.” Buffy’s whispered in reply to his thoughts just about melted his already warm heart.

Spike couldn’t believe how everyone reacted to his presence, especially Buffy. He looked at their joint hands again in wonder. He had made it to Heaven, after the hell of the last 100 years or so he was finally—


His gaze flew to meet Buffy’s.

“You’re home.”

Slowly she closed the gap between them, and kissed him sweetly. Her lips softly gliding over his in the softest kiss he had ever known.

He was home.

The End.

Chapter End Notes:
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