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05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
12/23/16 01:12 pm
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10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!


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Authors Chapter Notes:
The deal with this story is... I have one or 2 more chapters ready. But they need a beta reader. so until i get one it wont be updated lol. but if you have ideas I'd be more then happy to hear them.

Spike walked through the front door and slammed it shut. “Dawn!” he yelled frantically. That girl was going to be the death of him. “Dawn, are you here?”

Upstairs, Buffy jumped at someone’s angry voice.

“It’s okay,” Dawn said, hurriedly. “I have to go. He’s going to kill me.” She gave Buffy a reassuring smile and ran downstairs.

Spike slumped against the door in relief as he saw Dawn appear. “Thank God,” he said. His heart had been in his throat with worry. He couldn’t lose Dawn, too.

Dawn stood in front of him. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled, eyes wide. She really was sorry.

Spike pushed himself upright and wrapped his arms around her slender frame. “Never do that again,” he said, holding her tight. “If anything had happened to you, I don’t know what I’d have done.” Pulling away, he kissed her forehead and asked, “Where did you go? You scared me half to death - or - more to death. Do you know how worried I was?” He could see that she something had happened, it was in her eyes.

Dawn’s eyes filled with tears. “Spike, I have to tell you something,” she whispered.

Spike frowned. “Hey,” he said, running the pads of his thumbs under her eyes. “Why are you crying?”

“I just don’t want you to be mad at me,” Dawn said, her hands clutching his coat. “I didn’t mean to run off like that. Well, I did, but I didn’t want you to be worried. I just… I had something I had to do. Alone.” Please understand.

Spike sniffed. “Nibblet, you smell like her.” Well, duh, Dawn smelled like her sister. That was a given.

“I know,” Dawn said, looking down. How in the world was she going to explain this to Spike?

Buffy quietly came down the stairs, and paused at the scene in front of her. She recognized Spike, but she wasn’t sure what she felt. Spike was here. In her house - with Dawn - like he said he would be. After… however long she’d been gone. She remembered what she had said at her funeral. He really stayed. He was okay.

Spike put his finger under Dawn’s chin. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said, gently. “You should get to bed. It’s been a long night.”

“I have tell you something, though,” Dawn insisted. “It’s important.”

Spike frowned and then he noticed Buffy on the stairs. “Red patched up the ‘bot real quick,” he said.

Buffy came down the rest stairs, until she was standing next to Dawn. No reason to hide once Spike had noticed her. But he had said something about a ‘bot? What was a ‘bot? A robot?

Dawn looked back and forth between them. “Spike?” How could he not know the difference? He should know the difference. He loves this one.

Spike wasn’t paying attention, because he already knew his mistake. His arms dropped away from Dawn.

“What did you do?” he asked, not able to tear his eyes away from Buffy. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her hair was pulled into a pony tail and she was wearing a crisp white shirt and slacks. He looked into her eyes and something was wrong. She looked… sad?

“It wasn’t me. I found her,” Dawn babbled. “I swear. That’s why I ran off. The Buffybot said she saw her and I had to be sure. I couldn’t… I couldn’t just leave her if she was alive. And she is.”

Spike looked back at Dawn and put his hand on her shoulder. “You did a brave thing,” he said. His eyes traveled to Buffy’s hands. “We need to get those fixed.” He didnt know what to say. There was so much he wanted to say to her.

“I’ll get bandages,” Dawn said, disappearing into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Spike gently took Buffy’s hand and led her to the couch. She sat down and he sat across from her, on the coffee table. Spike had no idea how he was going to do this. Inside, he was doing back flips at having Buffy in front of him, but she seemed scared and he didn’t want to make it worse. No reason to make things more traumatic for her.

Spike examined the damage to Buffy’s hands. There was dirt embedded in the cuts. How did she get so much dirt on her hands? He pushed the thought aside and glanced up at her and the look in her eyes broke his heart. “It’s okay,” he said, gently.

Buffy’s eyes filled with tears at his kind words. She didn’t know what he was talking about but nothing was okay. Not to her.

Spike’s eyes also began to fill with tears and as he knelt in front of her, he wrapped his arms around her waist. “Please don’t cry, Buffy,” he whispered. He didn’t care if she wanted him to hug her or not, he just had to hold her. He was so selfish. He didn’t give a rot if she staked him on the spot.

But, she didn’t do that. Instead, her arms went around his neck and she sobbed on his shoulder. Spike had never heard such anguish, especially not from Buffy. Even Dawn hadn’t sounded like this when Buffy died. Of course, Dawn was trying to be strong for everyone. She only cried in private… well, with Spike, in private. He knew that whatever she went through was hell, literally. He couldn't bear the sound of her tears and made a promise to himself to help her out as much as possibe.


Dawn entered with bandages and disinfectant. Tears came to her eyes as she looked at her sister in Spike’s arms.

Suddenly the front door banged opened and the gang rushed in. “Dawn?” Willow asked.

Dawn looked over at them. “Quiet,” she growled softly. She didnt want anyone disturbing her sister's greif. Spike was helping her through it and that was all that mattered.

The Scoobies stared wide-eyed at the couple, who were ignoring everyone around them.

Spike eventually calmed Buffy down by rubbing calming circles on her back. He couldn’t believe that he was holding her. He never wanted to let go. He didn't want to lose her again.

Dawn went over and sat next to them. “Spike,” she said, softly.

“Sorry,” he said, looking at Dawn sheepishly.

“Don’t apologize,” Dawn said, setting the bandages on the coffee table. “I just want to get her hands cleaned up.”

Spike gently pushed Buffy away and said, “Gotta fix your hands, luv,” as he ran his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away her tears.

Buffy nodded and hiccupped. She hadn’t said a word since she’d gotten back to the house. She was just confused. Dawn had said she wasn’t in hell, but everyone was looking at her strangely. The people in the background, who she recognized as her friends, had anxious smiles on their faces, especially Anya. She wasn’t sure why. No one was really happy.

Spike soaked a cotton ball in antiseptic, and carefully swabbed Buffy’s knuckles.

Buffy whimpered and flinched at the sting, but let Spike finish, tolerating the pain.

“Where…” Her throat felt dry and rough. “Where am I?”

Spike looked up from his task. “You don’t know where you are?” he asked. “This is your house.”

Buffy started to pull away from him and he gripped her wrists. “It’s okay,” he said. “Don’t worry about that right now.” He eased his grip and applied the bandages. They would probably heal by the next day, but it was going to hurt. He stayed seated as the gang pounced on her.

“Are you okay?”

“Are you hungry?”

“Were you in hell?”


“She’s probably hungry.”


“Stop!” Buffy screeched, startling everyone. “Please, just stop,” she whimpered, burying her face in her hands.

“Guys, back off,” Dawn said, coming to her sister’s rescue.

“Sorry Dawn,” Xander said. He had the decency to look sheepish and everyone took a step back.

Spike gently took Buffy’s hands away from her face. “Pet?” He had thought she was in a good place. Last time he saw her, she was a vision of an angel. He thought she was okay. But now... he wasn't so sure. Something was wrong.

Buffy looked at him with a frightened gaze. “Sorry,” she whimpered, tears in her eyes.

Spike sat on the couch next to her. “Don’t be,” he whispered. She was trembling slightly.

Buffy sniffled and leaned against him. “I’m just confused.”

Spike wrapped his arms around her. “It’s okay. Just relax.” He didn’t expect her to be so comfortable with him. Probably because he wasn’t pushing her.

“Spike, you’re making her uneasy. Maybe you should leave,” Xander said.

“No,” Buffy yelled, horrified, as she looked up at Spike. “No, don’t leave!”

“I won’t,” he whispered. “Promise.”

Buffy relaxed against him and closed her eyes. She was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Dawn shooed the gang into the kitchen. “She’s tired and confused, as well as scared. Back off and let her try to get back on her feet,” she said quietly, taking charge of the pest gang.

“Dawn, she needs us, not Spike,” Xander protested. Dawn gathered that he was probably jealous of Spike.

“She wants Spike around. He makes her feel safe. He’s had a rough night as well and right now, they both need sleep,” Dawn said. This was her house and she wasn't going to let Buffy's so called friends, make anything worse for Buffy.

She went back into the living room, to check up on them and found that they were sound asleep on the couch, Spike, on his back, with Buffy tightly wrapped in his arms. Dawn hadn’t been lying when she’d said they were both exhausted.

Dawn smiled and turned off the living room lights before going back to the kitchen. “They’re sleeping. I’m going to bed, so keep your voices down,” she said as she went upstairs.

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