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05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
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Great post.
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08/31/16 03:43 pm
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“I love you.” She said, at last telling him her true feelings before he died.

There they were. The words he had longed to hear for almost three years now. Maybe he’d known before this, he’d suspected. But she never said it. And now she had.
But why now? At his last moment? Because he knew that was what it was; his last moment. He would die in a few seconds.

Oh god, and if she didn’t get out of here, she would too. As a last resort, he looked her in the eyes and smiled a little. “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it.” He said, denying her love for him, even though he knew she did.

There was another earthquake. She had to get out, now! “Now go!” He yells, and she left. “I wanna see how it ends.” He said to himself, not really convincing himself, but knowing it’s what he had to do. For the world. For Buffy.

Then the light on him was burning so badly, his entire body was combusting. His skin began to crumble, and finally, as the town was starting to implode, Spike turned to dust.


Darkness. Everywhere around him, was nothing but big black darkness. He still felt as though he was himself, but at the same time, not. He tried to look around, but there was really not an ‘around’ too look. Must be hell. He though to himself.

Suddenly a light appeared in the distance. As he drew closer to it, he could hear faint sounds.
He got closer, and he recognized it as music. He squinted his eyes, and could distinguish figures in the image that was appearing.

Suddenly he was right in front of it all. He immediately recognized the place. The Bronze. Why the bleedin’ hell am I seein’ the Bronze? So is this what the afterlife’s like? He looked around, obviously confused. Then he saw a very familiar person in front of him. The same hair, same coat, same…bloody hell, he was looking at himself.

Out of curiosity he followed himself through the crowd, literally passing through the dancing people. He saw himself stopping near a table, looking at the dance floor, circling around it. Spike followed the gaze of his own image, and gasped when he saw her. Dancing.

She was swaying to the music in a sort of sensual way, but in the same time laughing with her friends. But there was something so familiar about this scene. Wait a minute…This was the night when he and Buffy first met. He recognized the way she danced, and the way he was prowling around her, observing her.

Why am I seeing this?

“Let’s just say…it’s a second chance.” He startled when he heard her voice right beside him. He turned, and had to gasp again. It was her, the way she had been at that last moment. He was about to speak, when she held up her hand. “Don’t get all excited, this is just a form.” She told him sternly.

“Right. Knew that.” He said, and cleared his throat. He glanced at himself by the dance floor, saying something to a bystander to get Buffy’s attention. “Uh, you were saying something about a second chance?”

“Exactly.” The Buffyform said. “Why don’t we put this on pause for a minute.” She said, and snapped her fingers, and suddenly it was dead silent, and all the people stopped moving. Spike snapped his head back to her. “Good, now I’ve got your undivided attention. We’re sending you back.”

Spike frowned. “Back to what?”

“Back to the beginning. To where you first met the Slayer.”

“I don’t understand…Why?”

“That’s what I was gonna tell you, if you’d be patient.” Buffyform said, raising her eyebrows at Spike, who nodded a bit. “Right. Now see, it all wasn’t supposed to happen. Well, not really. The First was never supposed to be able to get that powerful. In fact, all the things that happened in the last six or so years. All that, lead to the powerboost the First got. From Willow going evil, down to Angel losing his soul. Of course, the First was defeated in the end, so when you look at it, it didn’t really do that much damage.”

Spike raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“Well yeah, lotsa people died and all, but all in all, the world still rotates and everything. But what we’re trying to do here, is see if it could be better. That’s why we’re sending you back to where you two first met, so you can change it, just by being on her side from the start.

“Now we don’t expect you to do this big heroic, life-altering, damsel in distress act…again, or anything. You just have to…you know, make her fall in love with you.”

“What?” Spike asked with big eyes.

“Well you see, that’s what makes everything different. If Buffy doesn’t sleep with Angel he would never lose his soul, Acathla would never be raised, and all that stuff wouldn’t happen. And come on, it’s not like it’ll be that hard, you’ve done it before.”

“Yeah, and it only took me two and a half years to finally get there. And besides, send me back to this time, and she’ll be droolin’ all over Peaches.”

The Buffyform sighed. “Look, you love the girl right?” Spike nodded. “And wouldn’t this be better than what would happen if we didn’t send you back?”

“What would happen?”

“You come out of the amulet in Angel’s office as a ghost, you get your body back eventually but you stick with Angel’s team instead of going to Buffy and after a year you die again in a big battle.”

“Right then.” Spike nodded. He wasn’t too sure how he felt about going six years in the past, erasing everything that happened between him and Buffy, and starting all over again. But it sounded better than sticking with Angel and his chums.

“So you’ll go?” She asked, receiving a curt nod from Spike. “Good. Now you’ll remember everything that happened in the last few years, just so you know which side you’re supposed to be on. Also, you’ll still have your soul.
You can tell Buffy about all this if you want, who knows, maybe she’ll admire you for it. But, it’s not reversible, so if anything happens that you don’t like, that’s just too bad.

“Remember, this thing is just to see what might have happened, had you been there to prevent all of it. If it turns out to be with the same end result, or maybe even worse, we’ll turn everything back to the way it happened now, okay?”

“Yeah.” Spike said, still a little confused about what exactly was going to happen.

“Okay then.” The Buffyform said with a bright smile. “Good luck!” She snapped her fingers, and everything started moving again and the sounds came back. Only now he wasn’t watching himself anymore, he was himself.

He saw the younger Buffy hurrying outside. He took a deep, shaky breath. God was he nervous. He went after her, just in time to see her lunge the first kick at the vampire in front of her. If he remembered correctly, after she had staked this vampire, he had come out of the shadows clapping, and telling her he was gonna kill her on st. Vigeous day. Not this time though, this time…what was he going to do this time? Walk up to her, introduce himself like ‘Hi, I’m Spike, the guy who will be helping you out from now on, and oh yeah, I have a soul too like that nancy-boy you fancy. By the way, I’m very much in love with you.’? Yeah that’d come over real well. He thought sarcastically.

“Spike! Gimme a hand!” The vampire yelled, and he snapped out of his thoughts. Well, it’s now or never. He took a deep breath, and just as Xander came out of the building with a stake for Buffy, he stepped out of the shadows and grabbed the vampire by the throat, delivering two punches before grabbing his head, twisting it and tearing with all his strength to pull the head off the vamp, causing it to turn into dust in his hands.

Buffy, Willow and Xander all stood frozen at their spots, staring at the leather clad man who had just come out of the shadows and violently killed that vamp.

Spike looked up, and his unbeating heart did a little back flip when his eyes met Buffy’s. She looked way younger. Not six years younger, but a lifetime. She was still carefree and full of spirit now, not having faced everything she had later on. “Hi.” He said lamely. Hi!? That’s all you can come up with? He thought, mentally kicking himself.

“Who are you?” Buffy asked curiously. Whoever this guy was, he was hot. He had that whole, cheekbone, leather, bad boy thing going on. Only hope he’s not an actual bad boy.

Bollocks, this bites. He silently chuckled at his lame pun. Figures she doesn’t know who I am. He was trying to choose between straightforwardly telling her who he was, or being the mystery guy and keep her curious. “Name’s Spike.” Balls!

Xander chuckled a bit. “Spike? What kind of a name is that?” Then his eyes grew big, and took a small step back. “Unless you’re here to kill us all, in that case, great name!” He said lamely while holding up two thumbs.

Spike rolled his eyes. That Xander would never change, would he? “Let’s just say, I’m on your side.” He said, still trying to save the mysterious act he had wanted to go for.

Buffy just couldn’t tear her eyes away from this strange guy. There was just something about him that made her want to …do stuff she wasn’t supposed to know about. Well at least he’s one of the good guys…or so he says.

“See you around, Buffy.” Spike said, and turned around to disappear in the shadows, hoping he left an impression on her.

Buffy turned to Willow and Xander with big eyes. “How does that guy know my name?”

“I don’t know but he was all…” Willow shuddered a little. “Wasn’t he?” She asked with a sly smile at Buffy.

“Oh yeah, definitely. Totally with the hotness.”

“Oh please! That guy? He was no big whoop! His hair was all bleachy, and I bet ya, that accent? Toootally fake.” Xander said with a nod, feeling the need to reassure himself of his own manliness.

Buffy just shared a knowing smile with Willow, and went back inside, wondering about the hot stranger who she’d just met.


Spike wandered aimlessly through the cemetery. He still wasn’t exactly sure about what he was supposed to do, now that he was sent back, about which he was still confused too. Okay, yeah, he could change the entire future, but even the Powers weren’t sure if that was going to work out.

And how was he going to make her choose him over that bloody poofter? She and he were probably already a big, fluffy couple right now.

Out of frustration he kicked a gravestone to shreds. It wasn’t just that she was now in love with Angel, but their entire history, their memories together…it was all gone. She had no idea who he was, and he still had all the memories of everything they did together for six years. Six years were just erased, like it was nothing.

He was about to head to his crypt when a thought struck him. Dru. The factory. The Annoying One. He still had that all to take care of. The Anointed was easy, just put him in a cage and fry him like last time, but Dru…She was still sick now, he couldn’t just leave her…could he? Sure, he didn’t really love her anymore, but she was still his sire. She had been his mate for over a hundred years.

With a deep sigh he decided to just go to the factory first, kill the Anointed One and his minions and go from there.


He entered the factory, looking around warily. He had almost forgotten where it was, let alone what it looked like on the inside. Voices were coming from the room ahead, so he slowly walked up to it.

“Spike.” The small vampire boy called Collin, the Anointed One, called when he saw Spike enter. “You’re late. Have you killed the Slayer yet?”

Spike stepped forward, unsure how to handle this. “Well, not exactly. I thought about it, but I changed my mind.” He said, and looked around for a piece of wood. Spotting a chair nearby, he casually walked over to it. “I’d rather,” he broke the chair roughly and took one sharp piece. “be killing you.”

At that the three minions that were standing about, watching him, growled in outrage and went to attack. But Spike had been expecting them, and killed them all easily, seeing as they were just dumb minions. Then he walked up to Collin, who showed a little fear in his usually expressionless eyes. “And now, my boy, for you. Now I usually don’t like repeating myself…but last time I killed you it was just too darn fun, so…” Spike suddenly yanked him out of his chair and threw him in the same cage as last time, and hauled him up to meet the sun that would rise in a few hours.

“Spike?” A weak voice suddenly came from behind him. He turned around to meet Drusilla standing there with a stranger look in her eyes than usual. He walked up to her. “Oh my Spike, what have the bad fairies done to my sweet Spike?” She asked, running her hands over his cheek. Suddenly she gasped and stepped away from him as though he was something disgusting. “You reek of it, the sparkly tinker. It stinks.” She whimpered, and grabbed her head in remorse. “Mean stars put some of their light inside you. And her. Her light shines all over you.” She didn’t have to have met the Slayer to know who the girl inside Spike’s head was.

“I’m sorry, love.” Was all Spike could say. He sort of felt sorry for her. Now she was all alone, no one to take care of her. Wouldn’t it be better if he just put her out of her misery…? But he knew he could never do it.

So instead he led her to her bed, she too weak to object. If she’d let him, he’d take care of her…for now. Not too long, for it would definitely stand in the way of getting Buffy.


“Spike. That’s what he called himself? That’s a little unorthodox, isn’t it?” Giles asked later that night, as they were all gathered in the library, Buffy just having told him about the strange guy she met before.

“Maybe he’s reformed.” She said with a shrug.

“Perhaps he went by another name in…times past.”

“Well, whoever he is, he totally ripped that vampire’s head off with his bare hands!” Willow said, looking impressed.

“So he’s probably got some sort of supernatural powers…” Jenny Calendar suggested.

“Oh, maybe he’s a vampire with a soul, like Angel.” Buffy said cheerily, the thought that he might be just a regular vampire who’s pretending to be good never crossing her mind.

“He’s nothing like me.” Angel said, who suddenly appeared behind Buffy. They all looked at him a little startled.

“You know him?” Buffy asked eagerly.

Angel narrowed his eyes slightly at her, she seemed a little too interested to his liking. “Yes, he’s very vicious. Once he starts something he doesn’t stop until everything in his path is dead.”

At their crestfallen faces he saw that that was not what they were hoping to hear. “Don’t let him fool you just because he put up an act once, next time you see him he’ll be more obvious about his actual intentions. He’s not very patient when it comes to killing.”

“Hm, so he’s thorough, goal-oriented.” Xander said, and suddenly felt better, the so-totally-not-hunky-male out of the way. On second thought, he felt worse, as it appeared there was a vicious vampire on the loose.

Buffy was momentarily distracted with Angel’s presence. “We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show.”

“You said you weren’t sure if you were going.” Angel retorted with a small smile, feeling slightly disappointed at having missed a chance to ‘hang out’ with Buffy.

“I was being cool. C’mon, you’ve been dating for, what, like two hundred years? You don’t know what a girl means when she says ‘maybe she’ll show’?” She asked incredulously.

“Wow, two centuries of dating.” Willow said. “If you only had two a year, that’s still, like, four hundred dates with four hundred different…” She trailed off as Buffy gave her a look, and looked at the table for help, finding a mace lying there. “Why do they call it a mace?” She asked for distraction.

“Uh, we do have slightly more urgent matters to discuss.” Giles said with a stern voice.

“Yeah, like keeping my mom away from Principal Snyder tomorrow night?” Buffy said, referring to parent-teacher night tomorrow.

“And, also, the guy who you thought was the big strapping hero a minute ago turning out to be a brutal killer.” Jenny said with pulled up eyebrows.

“Angel, do you know if this Spike fellow goes under any other name?” Giles asked, and they all looked up to where Angel was standing, but all they saw was an empty spot and still-clapping library doors.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m putting a collar with a little bell on that guy.” Xander said, always trying to find a good moment to bash Angel.

Buffy sat down with a frustrated sigh. “I can’t believe it. He seemed so totally a good guy.” And hot too…no, wait, not hot! Bad Buffy!

“Who, Angel?” Xander asked.

“Spike.” She said in a ‘duh’ tone.

“Oh right. Yeah, he just screamed good guy with the black leather clothes, and the bleached hair…”

Ignoring Xander, Willow sat down in front of Buffy, trying to look comforting. “Maybe, Angel’s wrong? Maybe we’re not talking about the same Spike here, or maybe he’s changed since Angel last saw him…”


To be continued...please let me know what you think!

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