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05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!


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Authors Chapter Notes:
Hello, everyone. I'm Bulgarian and English is not my native language. I did my best with this story and I'm very very sorry if there are many grammar or spelling mistakes. I hope you enjoy it and I'd be glad if I get some reviews.

Chapter 1

There were flowers. Running kids in formal dresses and suits. A wedding day. The mirror showed a huge creamy cake, that’s supposed to be the bride. Here she is. That’s her wedding, the happiest day in her life. Despite it was only two weeks after the Graduation. Buffy Summers soon would be Buffy Finn. The groom was nice soldier and her father practically loved him. Even more than she did, she thought. She was nervous, even a bit uncertain, but there was no way back. Her best friend, William, had told her: “If you have butterflies in your stomach, just shoot the bloody butterflies!”
There was a half hour to the beginning of the ceremony, so she thought she can get a look outside. She opened the door of bride-room and hesitantly went out to see the hall full of people. All friends and families were there, waiting for the big event. Her eyes were looking around, searching for someone… Was the air sticky or something? The hall started spinning and she caught a chair.

“Buffy, what are you doing here?” she heard the voice of her friend Willow “The groom shouldn't see you!”

“He’s not going to come, is he?” Buffy asked with hoarse voice.

“Buffy! He is! He loves you and you know how exited was himself and… you don’t talk about Riley, huh?” Redhead mumbled hesitantly “Err … you know Will… um… Spike, he doesn’t do anything he think is wrong”.

“And is it?”

“Buff, we already talked about that. And if you’re not sure isn’t it a little late?”

“Is it?” her voice was kind of shaky this time

“Yes… maybe… I don’t know. You know my opinion. Now go in there before Riley shows up and see you!”-she nodded

Willow went back to her maiden-in-honor place and left the bride alone again. Buffy headed the bride-room and then she saw them. She saw these sea-blue eyes that looked strait trough her. They stared at her for a tense full moment, but it was enough to make her melt, like they were used to do. In one fateful second in her head a thought for running away appeared and then the eyes, including their owner, turned back and disappeared in the crowd.
Buffy woke up. She had had that dream again. Almost every night in three years, that was the same dream, a fragment of her wedding. That fragment caused her a short sharp pain right besides her heart. She was shaking in her bed for several minutes before the sleep went away and she caught pick up the pieces of herself again. It was just six o’clock in the morning but her husband was already got up, probably prepared for work. Alone in the big bed she curled under the covers and a lonely tear made its way down her cheek. She had stopped crying long ago, maybe after first year. But before that, she had woken up in empty bed after the usual nightmare and cried for hours, sobbing and calling her friends, but nothing happened, nothing made a difference. Few months later something in her had broke and she had started to pretend happy at least in front her husband and his friends.
The door opened and forced her out of her thoughts. A uniformed guy walked in and left something on the bedside table. When he noticed that she was awake, he said.

“There’s a formal dinner in Professor Walsh’s tonight. Here some money to buy a new dress or something. You should be beautiful tonight. Understood?”

“Yeah”-she answered without looking at him.

He didn’t even try to kiss her or something and just left her alone again. That was so typical for Riley Finn so she didn’t note it. That was going to be a long day for Mrs. Finn.
Some hours later the mall was full of people. Probably everyone was heard that Professor Maggie Walsh, the only women in the military program in the town, organized a ‘formal dinner’ and all agents’ wives were send to buy something new to be enough representative for their husbands. Buffy walked down the hall, already finished with the shopping part. She headed the restaurant for having a lunch. She was alone, not just because her choice was between Harmony McCabe, the stupidest Barbie-doll in whole Iowa, and the same Harmony McCabe, and because she just liked to be alone since she has moved out Sunnydale. She hated the crowd; a lot of people rumbling around make her nervous. Sometimes she thought everyone was looking at her, studying her like she was some kind of IT.

That day, her usual dream hadn’t left her so easily. She still could see in her head Willow and Xander, the last time she had saw them was the wedding, and the blue eyes… The last ones were so bright that burned the back of her eyeballs. And kind of the front, too. What…. Was that a hallucination? No, it didn’t seem so. There were not just the eyes, here was the smoothed down hair, the concave cheeks. ‘OH…MY…GOD….’-Buffy thought, trying to keep her breathing in normal rhythm. There a blond, punky guy, dressed all in black, was coming right to her, a charming smile on his

“Hello, cutie”

“Spike”, she almost yelled, throwing away all bags and stuffs and throwing herself in his arms. He held her in tight hug, longed all eternity for the side observer, and she hugged him back.

“I didn’t know that you missed me so much, pet”-he grinned at her after few minutes when she pulled away.

“Oh, shut up”-she grinned back at him-“How long we didn’t see each other?”

“ Let me see. Three years, two months and twenty-four days. One thousand hundred seventeen days, yesterday, one thousand hundred eighteen days today, but I think today doesn’t count, does it?”

“Oh, my God you’ve been counting them? The old freaky Spike I know.”

“The girl, who threw away all her bags when she saw me, said”

“Ok, we are both freaky”- she laughed, surprised how the real laugh feels- “Lunch! We should have a lunch together!”

“I’m in”

“Let’s go” –she took his hand and pulled him in the restaurant nearby.

They got a free table and ordered their food automatically. After the waitress left them, they stared at each other for a while. They haven’t seen each other from her wedding and now memories flooded both their minds. Spike was a year older than her, and when she saw him for the last time he studied in ‘College Sunnydale’ and he wanted to be an architect. They had met in school canteen in middle school and from the first minute they had became best friends, practically inseparable. For years before Buffy got engaged. But there always was something more than friendship, there was a sparkage. Everyone thought that they were in love with each other, but neither of them ever admitted something like that. Then when Spike get hell of jealous about that soldier-boy, Riley, it was pretty obvious.

“So”-Buffy began “What are you doing here?”

“I’m waiting for my lunch”-he joked slightly shaking his head.

“No, I mean, here in Iowa, the geography’s asshole.”

“This is a very interesting expression. I’m kind a passing by.”

“Are you going to stay?”-a shadow crossed her face

“Yeah, maybe for a week or two.”

“That’s great, we can eat more lunches!”

“Or some other meal if you don’t mind it.”

“Sure.”-she smiled and the waitress bring the
lunch. “So, tell me, how are you doin’?”

“Ok. Everything is fine.”

“How’s the College? You graduated, don’t you?”

“Err… kind a no.”

“Kind of? You didn’t grant a diploma?”

“That’s pretty much the story.”

“Why? I mean, what happened to architect-thing?”

“I never wanted to be an architect, my uncle did.”

“So, poor Mr. Giles, you smashed his illusion” she
laughed “So what do you subsist now?”

“Umm… music, poetry and I’m trying to be painter too” he ran a hand tough his hair with a self-satisfied smile.

“That’s amazing! Is that why you’re in town?”

“Yeah, sort of. There’s a gallery here and they are
interested in some drawings.”

“Cool. And how’s the gang- Willow, Xander, Oz,

“They are good. Xander has a progress in construction. Do you remember the bizarro girl, Anya?
She’s his girlfriend”-Buffy raised her eyebrows a little-
“Cordelia left for L.A. she wanted to be an actress, but the last we heard of her, she was working with some private investigator.”

“I hardly imagine her investigating something.”

“Me too, but that’s the bare truth. Oz left too, God know
where is he now”

“He and Willow broke up!”-her face turned sad when she thought about her friend.

“Yes, that was an ugly story. But it was more than two years ago. Willow moved on. She got her lessons, she studies something about chemistry or computers, I’m not sure. She got that girl, Tara, too.”

“She has a new friend? Great!”

“Put a ‘girl’ at the front”

“Girl-great? … oh… you mean….” She hesitated and a
wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows. “Girlfriend? Willow is a… is ‘lesbian’ an insult?”

“No, but she is. It was weird for a while and then we all loved Tara. She’s really sweet, but little shy.”

“That sounds like Willow’s type.”

“Yeah, she is”-he caught her gaze for few second before go on “And how are you?”

“I’m good, I guess. A bit dislike Iowa, but still good.”

“You’re bored, I can tell. Am I right?”

“Oh, God, yes!” she mumbled “And Riley doesn’t let me do a lot of things.”

“You need permission? What the hell?”

“Yes… I mean no… sometimes.”

“You just need the checked dress and woo-hoo hair to
be a housewife from the middle 50’s”

“I so hate the checked dresses. I wanted to learn, to go to college, but my father and mostly Riley told it wasn’t necessary.”

“Someone have to talk to this guy and tell him which the year is!”- anger began to seize his face, his voice hard.

“2002, I know. But he’s right. He earns enough.”

“Those words aren’t yours! Buffy I knew, had strong personality and wanted to be a doctor and she didn’t let anyone control her!”

“Stop it! It is past, I was a child!”

“And now you’re 21 and you’re acting like you’re 50 at least!”

“No, I’m just matured, and you’re obviously not!”-tears filled her eyes

“If there’s something left of my Buffy, even a tiny particle, oppose it, Buffy!” – He grabbed her arms and shook her hard. His eyes was full of anger and a bit of pain now

“ I’ve tried! I’ve tried so hard, and nothing happened. And now, when my mom’s dead, my life is in my father’s hands and my husband’s.”- Her voice was shaky and she was on the edge of tears.

“Joyce is dead?” he whispered-“I’m sorry, I liked that woman”

“I can’t make a difference, Spike, I just can’t!”

“You can! You always can! Bloody bastard! He broke you. How, love? How did he broke you?” he yelled and clenched his teeth, not caring that people were staring. If in this minute Riley was there, he wouldn’t be alive much longer.

“No, Riley is good to me, most of the time. And he…”

“What does it mean ‘most of the time’?”-he emphasized every word, like he wanted to crave it on her mind “Did he look at you in some funny way? If he did, I swear…”

“No, he did nothing wrong, but sometimes he is…with all military stuff he get a bit… rough”

“Next time, call me after some ‘rudeness’ and his beloved mommy will pick him up in urn!” sparks in his eyes and the direct menace in his voice, scared her a little bit.

“I think I gotta go, I don’t wonna make troubles.”-she swallowed hard and didn’t cry.
She got up and got her stuffs. He stood up too, staring at her. He can feel that there was something terribly wrong in his old friend. Something new, so much pain. Something wrong was going on with him too. He looked at her, all scared and hurrying, and all he wanted was to hold her and kiss her. And that was new, too. She headed the exit and he caught her arm.

“You are not going back there.”

“Yes, I am”

“No, you are not!” and he squeeze her arm harder.

“Let. Me. Go.” She hissed, but he didn’t move “William
Pratt, let me go!”

“Buffy Summers, don’t do this.”-a muscle winced on
her face when he said her girlhood name.

“Spike…”-she closed her eyes “Let me go, you’re hurting me.” His hand drew back immediately.

“You can’t hide forever, Goldilocks, you can’t hide from

“Goodbye, Spike” she said dryly and left the restaurant

He was looking at her back as she was moving away and long after he couldn’t see her anymore.
Her life was such a mess and that was making his life a mess, too. But now, he was there and he was going to fix it, no matter she wanted or not. Subconsciously he was starting to think of her like her father or Riley. That horrified him. For now he was going to lie down and then maybe she would come by herself to him.

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