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Car Trouble 9 – Apocalypse, When?

By the Kings of Mercia – NC17
Warnings: Will involve a character death.

Angel – (the pillock!) has got himself kidnapped…so guess who has to come to the rescue? Throw Darla, Dru, a demon called Agromanth and a despicable plot to end the world into the mix and it’s going to be fun, fun, FUN, all the – sorry we mean, will our hero’s manage to save the day?

Chapter 1

“………Well, didn’t you say that Giles’ said Peaches has got a ‘crisis’ on which we’ve got to help him with, huh?

“Um, uh huh, Giles said he’d be over later to tell us about it.”

Giving her husband an incredulous look, Buffy continued,

“YOU actually WANT to go and help Angel now? Gods…I KNOW I must be living in Bizarro World!” she stood up from the arm of the chair, cleaning cloth in hand

“No, it’s just that now you and I are married…well that fucks with his head for a start, and hey - don’t run off, come here“ Spike snagged her shoulder and twirled her round, quickly snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her towards him


“Well, it does!”

“I know it does! Now will you let me go – I’ve got things to do!” Buffy said this without much conviction; she didn’t struggle from his tight embrace either………

“Never let you go pet!” Spike nuzzled her neck, making Buffy close her eyes and smile, she hunched up one shoulder as he was ‘getting’ to her…

“Ahh – ooooohhhhh - S-Spike – I’ve got things to do!”

“Such as?” Spike asked between nibbling her earlobe and kissing her neck

“Th-things, house-wo-ooooohhhhh - rk!” she waved the cloth in the general vicinity of the bookcase. Spike had found the spot that made her knees go wonky…

With expert ease, he walked her back to the sofa until she couldn’t go any further, then she tumbled backwards over the arm onto the cushions, Spike followed, bracing his knee between her thighs so as not to crush her, all this while he continued to nibble and suck at her neck – getting Buffy VERY hot and bothered!

“S’only me, Buffy, are you there - oh!” Giles came into the house carrying a briefcase, and was somewhat startled to see Buffy looking slightly dishevelled, and Spike glaring at him as he struggled to stand.

Spike was just about to let rip with enough expletives to make a docker blush at being interrupted, when Buffy put her hand lightly over his mouth and pushed up to a sitting position so Spike had to stand up completely. He was frowning and he said testily,

“Bleedin’ ‘ell – and HELLO! Another one who just breezes in here unannounced without so much as a bye-your leave – bad as the whelp you are, have you HEARD of knocking?!”

“S-Sorry, um sorry... but, well, this is um, urgent!”

“Better be too!”

“Spike, go make some tea, please?” Buffy tried to placate her hubby by cupping his cheek, and Spike stopped glaring at the watcher, and looked down into his wife’s face and he smiled

“Okay baby – milk and two sugars, Rupes?”

“Please…um oh…erm…let me just sit and I can…………there, er, hold this Buffy…and these…um…I’ll put this on the coffee table…thankyou, I’ll just have those back now…right!”

Buffy shifted down the sofa until Giles had himself all sorted with his papers and case open.

“So, what’s the biggie then?”

“Um, well – if you don’t mind, I thought we’d wait for Spike”

A couple of minutes later, Spike appeared with three mugs of tea.

“Go on then Rupes…what’s the walking forehead done this time?”

“Well, Angel has been away for a week on vacation”

“Bully for him!”

“Thing is you see, he was due back night before last, and he hasn’t turned up”

“Is that all – everybody’s wetting their knickers because Peaches has gone walk-about for an extra couple o’ days?” Spike asked

“Not exactly Spike, it’s now come to light that he’s been kidnapped”

Buffy’s brows rose in surprise, and a grin appeared on Spike’s face. Laughing, he said,

“Kidnapped? - Do me a favour! What use is he to anybody? – That pillock is neither use nor ornament to anybody…is there a ransom? Say, if he HAS been kidnapped – perhaps we could just ignore it and hope they keep him – OW – what was THAT for?”

Spike glared at his wife and rubbed his knee where she’d just given him a thump.

“You know very well what that was for – IS there a ransom Giles?”

“It’s a little more serious than that I’m afraid – we know who’s kidnapped him and why, what we don’t know yet is where they are holding him”

“Go on then, not that I really give a rat’s arse – who would be stupid enough to want to put up with Mr Broody Pants for any length of time?”

Giles looked at the pair of them and said,

“Darla and Dru”

“What!” Spike sat bolt upright, Buffy blinked and said,

“So what do they want him for?”

“Well, from what Wes and I can gather from Watcher intelligence sources-“

Spike muttered something about that being an oxymoron, ‘watchers’ and ‘intelligence’!

Giles glared at him and Spike shrugged un-apologetically

“As I was saying! – From intelligence reports we think that they want to turn him back to Angelus, and raise a demon called Agromanth – he’s like the forerunner to Acathla if you like, either way it’s something very similar to it and of great evil that will suck this world into another dimension of unspeakable evil” Giles said.

Spike rolled his eyes and said angrily,

“Bleedin’ ‘ell…what does he think he’s playing at anyway – stupid wanker he is! And I can’t believe he’s allowed himself to be kidnapped by Darla and Dru – I mean god – they haven’t got an IQ that hits double figures between them…although I suppose it IS Angel we’re talking about…and what business has he taking a bloody vacation, huh? – Tell me that, stupid poof doesn’t actually DO anything to warrant a holiday – all he does is ponce around and sit and get porky behind that fucking fancy mahogany desk of his – holiday indeed!
He ought to try getting up off his fat arse and actually DOING something, get his hands dirty for a change, the bloody great, steaming, overhang forehead’ed piss-balling shit-head of a stupid wanking pillock he is!”

Spike looked at Buffy after his tirade, and saw she looked less than happy, in fact, she looked decidedly upset.

Buffy sank back into the sofa cushions, and Spike seeing her looking worried put his arm around her and said,

“Hey babe, don’t worry, we’ll sort this out together huh – I’ll be with you 100% of the way, no worries about that”

Buffy gave him a rueful smile, nodded but didn’t say anything; she just let her head rest against his shoulder drawing comfort from the fact that he was, and always would be by her side.

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