Drowning Slowly
By Aurelia Carlisle
Chapter I:
Today, the Day
Beep...beep...beep...beep...be- SLAM!
Spike Pratt pounded the snooze button on his alarm clock. It was six a.m., December, twenty-sixth. He hung his head in his hands. Today was the day. Fighting the tears that were sure to come, he got up and searched for some clothes on the floor. He shoved on his shoes and looked in the hallway mirror. He was a mess. Deciding to forgo gel, he ran his hands through his hair and headed for his car.
If you asked him six months ago, he would have told you that his Desoto was the love of his life. But that, of course, was before her. Before Buffy Summers crashed into his life like the bombshell she was. She's his everything. He was doing this for her. That thought alone kept him from turning the car around and going back home.
When she told him the news, he didn't believe her at first. Theses things didn't happen to him. He was just a kid, for God's sake. How could things be so fucked up? Now he was going to help her fix it.
Even though he was morally against it, if it meant they could move on with their lives, he was all for it. Neither of them could do it alone. Together, they could get through this. Together, they could pretend that it never happened.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He walked up the stairs to her apartment. He let himself in through the unlocked front door.
He found her rocking back and forth, a ball on the couch. He sat next to her and pulled her to him.
"We're gonna get through this, baby."
"I love you, you know that?"
"Yeah, luv... I know."
He helped her out to the car. They rode in silence, neither knowing what to say, so they said nothing at all. Maybe, if they didn't talk about it, then it wasn't true. But it was; painfully so.
She stared out the passenger side window, remembering the first time she laid her eyes on him. Even then, at that moment, she knew she was his. She wished she had known about this too. Then she wouldn't be going to this place. This place of death that she swore to herself she would never enter. This was hell, in its truest form.
As Spike parked the car, they could hear the angry shouts of the protestors from across the lot. They were so loud; no one could hear themselves thinking. Pushing past the group of enraged citizens, he parted the crowd so Buffy could find her way to the door. Even the thick door couldn't drown out the group's hate.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She sat for nearly an hour before she could go to the room. There were women and couples of all ages there: a teenager, a little younger than herself, with her mother reading a magazine about architecture. An older couple, around their mid to late forties was arguing about their options. She said she was too old and not mother
material. He then told her that they might not get another chance. Then there was the girl sitting next to her, around twenty-five, who looked about four months along. She
told Buffy she was going on her fifth abortion to date. She said that abortions were her birth control since she hated taking the pill. That conversation was very short lived. She watched the overacted soap opera on the television to take her mind off of the situation. When they nurse called her name an eternity later, Spike squeezed her hand and went to follow her. She insisted that he stay there.
"This is something I have to do by myself," she reasoned. He somberly went back to his seat looking disappointed.
After about ten minutes on the hard, uncomfortable folding chair in the waiting room without her, Spike decided to take a walk and clear his head.
By the time he got outside, most of the protestors had left. He paced around the parking lot, but the motion did nothing for his frazzled nerves.
All he wanted was to be with her and make her happy. Right now she was in that clinic, under too bright lights and a scalpel and it was all his fault. He'd give
anything to take her place, spare her this pain.
But this was the only solution, the only way, and he knew it. If he couldn't take it back, then he'd try to fix it.
He got into his old, black car and drove to the pawn shop downtown. There were a few bollocks gifts he got from his extended family that he could get some cash
from. Bollocks they may be, but they were expensive all the same.
He just needed enough to get her something nice. Something that said that he's sorry and thinking of her. After the cashier gave him the stack of money from his
exchanges, he headed to the nearby grocery store.
Spike had never really been a religious person; he had prayed so hard lately that this whole mess turned out okay. That Buffy wouldn't leave him for being such a
wanker. He'd tried his best to help, but sometimes your best just isn't good enough.
A girl like Buffy, God, he knew she deserved so much better than him.
A chime sounded his entrance through the automated glass doors. He turned right and headed for the flowers section, near the back.
There were a few other guys there, obviously wooing someone or apologizing for being arses. He shared a look with one of them.
"What are you in for?" Spike asked him.
"I told her about the affair on the day her mother died. You?"
"I knocked her up and I can't afford the abortion."
"You win," he yielded, hands up.
"Bully for me then,” Spike muttered as he grabbed a bouquet of pink and red roses. They seemed decent enough.
After he paid, he got back in the car, hung his head, and wept.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy stared up, above the fluorescent lights and counted the dots on the tiled ceiling to clam herself. This was the hardest decision she'd ever made in her entire
seventeen years of life. But what choice did she have?
What was she supposed to do? Raise it? Maybe. . . . No way, she didn't want to end up like her own mother: raising two kids with a deadbeat ex-husband who doesn't pay child support. She knew Spike wouldn't leave her, but she didn't want to take that risk.
They could always give the baby up for adoption. She wasn't too sure about that one. The idea of giving away her own flesh and blood to strangers seemed like too
much to take right now.
No, this was the right choice, the only way. Maybe not the popular one, but the right one for her. What baby would want her for their mother?
She had waited two months before finally making the appointment; she knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. Even though she didn’t want to be pregnant she liked it. It made her feel like a woman. She created life and done as other had for centuries. She felt a connection to this child, this zygote growing inside her. She felt complete and whole. The thought of never feeling this was again frightened her. Maybe is she confided in her mother? Her mom would help her, this was her grandchild.
She jumped off of the exam table and ran out of the building. She didn't even look back when the receptionist shouted her name after her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Spike was outside taking a quick smoke, when he heard someone charge through the clinic doors. Then he had an armful of Buffy.
"You feelin' okay, pet?" he asked concerned.
"I'm fine, William," she replied sternly, using his real name, so he'd know she was serious. "We're done here."
With that she hooked her arm around his slender waist and they headed to his car.
squawks
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!
05/18/17 04:16 am
pj! I remember wishing one of your stories would be finished seriously about a decade ago. Amazing. I just tried an old password I used to use and amazingly got in too. Memories!
pj
03/20/17 01:20 am
10 yrs later, i finally rem my username and password. Pari, you rock. Hope you are well.
Rabbit_moon1
12/23/16 01:12 pm
I donate every month. Please donate to keep this site up!
AudryDaluz1
10/06/16 08:34 am
Great post.
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:45 pm
And anyone else who loves this site, it's worth mentioning there's a nifty little "Donate" option just below the shout box here! ;)
Chrissel
08/31/16 03:43 pm
Just wanted to take a moment to thank Pari and all the mods for maintaining such a great site!