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05/18/17 04:16 am
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Car Trouble……

This story is for Pattyanne, coz it was her idea!

By the Kings of Mercia

When Spike finds Buffy broken down on the open road, miles from anywhere – he see’s it as a golden opportunity to get exactly what he wants. Will the slayer comply? – NC 17 – eventually!

Chapter 1

The evening was balmy, and the sun began to sink low, Buffy drove along happily in her open-top convertible, the dry dusty highway stretched for miles in front of her, the wind blowing her hair – she was singing along to a tape.

This was the type of driving Buffy liked. Nothing behind her, nothing in front of her except miles of straight road – no stop signs, or things to suddenly jump out at her from side-streets, no corners to negotiate and best of all, no reverse parking…….okay – she’d be the first to admit it, she wasn’t the worlds worst driver, it’s just that, well……. she wasn’t the best either – not by a long chalk…….things just seemed to happen to her, with unfailing regularity.

Seemed that fire hydrants had a nasty habit of suddenly being in the way when she parked…. And her sense of distance used to be a little ‘off’ when she drove onto the drive at home – so much so, that instead of demolishing the wall a brick at a time with the front bumper, she’d decided to remove it altogether manually, basically to save the sarcastic comments from her friends, and a small fortune in bricks and mortar for repairs….

Trees were another culprit, they also joined in the conspiracy theory of showing that her driving skills weren’t all they could be…they’d jump out at her just at the crucial moment when she was reversing – that happened so often, the car-part store had a supply of tail-lights just for her….if she didn’t feel the jolt, and hear a ‘clunk – tinkle-tinkle’ of broken glass when she reversed, she’d have thought she hadn’t done it right!

But today, none of that to spoil things! Just hold the steering wheel, foot down and she could even sing at the top of her lungs and there was nobody to complain!

Feeling like a change of mood, Buffy ejected the love song tape, and inserted a compilation of her favourite tracks.
She drove along, head nodding, her fingers tapping along with the beat against the steering wheel.

“…………Sisters, are doin’ it for themselves, standin’ on their own two feet – whu-what?”

Suddenly, for want of a better description, the car ‘kangaroo hopped’ for a few yards, the engine made a laboured whining and clunking sound, and despite her foot being on the accelerator, the car was having none of it, and it slowed to a stop, steam began to belch out from under the hood.

Buffy switched off the ignition, and lent her forehead on the steering wheel for a few moments.

“Terrific…why me – huh – bloody, useless thing! She popped the hood, and angrily got out of the car, and slammed the door – she had to resist the temptation to kick the thing.

“What the hell’s wrong with you!” Buffy groused as she carefully opened the hood and put the strut up to keep it open. She wafted her hand back and forward to clear the steam, and touched the radiator cap – which, to her cost she found out that she shouldn’t have touched it at all, not until it had cooled down from the raging geyser it was emulating at the time.

“OW – Bloody hell!” She waggled her scalded hand. The smell of burning rubber permeated the air and she sighed. Nothing else for it but to leave the hood open for a while for it to cool down.

An hour later, when the thing was barely warm, she tried to start it – nothing. It wasn’t that it made a noise like it was even trying to start, all she could hear, was the click of the ignition key being turned.

Scrabbling around in the glove compartment, she found the repair manual, and opened it.
It might as well have been written Swahili for all she understood of it, and she snapped it shut and threw it back where she found it, slamming the compartment closed angrily.

There was nothing else for it – she’d have to phone Xander now – oh boy the stick they’d give her for this – she’d endured enough of their sarcasm before she took this trip –

“Huh, even YOU can’t find anything to hit along THAT highway!” Xander had said

“No trees or fire-hydrants to spoil your reverse parking!” Willow added with a grin.

Buffy had given them all a tight-lipped smile, but it began to wear thin which the Scooby’s found to their cost as the following night she’d given them a real work-out when they patrolled with her. But there was nothing else for it, she’d just have to swallow her pride, and call Xander…

Reaching over for her purse on the backseat, she opened it, and took out her cell phone.

Flipping it open, she switched on, but the little screen didn’t light up…she looked at it, and tried again – in her minds eye, she saw Dawn sitting in the kitchen, holding it, her thumbs moving dexterously over the keypad, the little madam hadn’t re-charged it after her marathon texting session!

“I’m gonna KILL you Dawn! – How the hell am I going to get home now – oh god – why me, WHY ME GOD?!” Buffy shouted to the sky. It had started to get dark very quickly now, and cooler. All she was wearing were her ‘Daisy Dukes’ short shorts, and a short crop top – hardly suitable attire to spend the night in almost desert conditions…

She realised she HAD to be practical, the best idea would be to close the soft-top roof over, but she had absolutely no idea how - or even if she could do it manually.

“Please gods, the Powers That Be, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha – Krishna – anybody – PLEASE make somebody drive by……soon” Buffy frowned and bit her lip, tutted and sat in the drivers seat, but with her feet out. A movement caught her eye at the edge of the road, and in the twilight, she saw a lizard quickly scooting along, rapidly followed by a snake.

“Ew…crawly things…um………….there” Buffy quickly decided she didn’t want to share her car with any creature of the creepy crawly type, and she swiftly turned and sat properly in the car and shut the door. Demons and monsters she could handle, spiders, lizards, snakes –uh-uh – no way Pedro!

Having no power in the car, she assumed that the battery must be flat – well boy, when she got home – SOMEBODY was for a rocketing, the car wasn’t six months old yet – there was NO WAY that the battery could be flat – oh - hello… Buffy looked in the driving mirror, and thought she saw the glimmer of light.

She turned and looked, and sure enough, although it was a long way off, there was definitely a car coming towards her!

“Saved – I’m saved – thank the gods – whichever one of you it was!” Quickly checking in the mirror that she at least looked presentable, she got out of the car, and stood by the open hood, waiting to if need be, flag down the passing motorist.

She tried to pull down the tight little shorts down, but there was really no way she was EVER going to make them look decent, and she just hoped, well, that the whoever it was going to come to her aid was a gentleman, coz if he wasn’t well, he’d find out to his cost, just how strong she was………….
She could make out the headlights properly now, he was probably about half a mile away…and getting closer, and closer…….until she cold hear it coming…or rather hear the occupant, singing for want of a better word loudly……….

“……I am the anti-Christ, I am an anarchist- a- I know what I want, and I know how to get it – ooh…what have we here then – hello, hello, damsel in distress….there IS a god….Hehehe….” Spike grinned to himself. Taking another swig out of his bottle of Jack Daniels, he slowed the car and pulled up behind the obviously broken down one.

“Thank god, can you – YOU!”

“Oh well lookie here! Isn’t this just peachy! (Grinning, Spike got fully out of his car and slammed the door shut) What you done to it this time blondie, kicked it as you couldn’t find any trees to hit?” Spike stood by his car, reached in and drained the third of Jack he had left. He sauntered over to her, holding onto his belt, a satisfied grin on his face.

“What the HELL are you do – scrub that, I DON’T want to know – you needn’t wait – go – I’ve um, I’m waiting for the breakdown recovery! – Hey I SAID –
leave that – don’t you DARE TOUCH – are you listening to…” Buffy blinked as she realised that not only was Spike NOT listening to her, he was taking VERY great interest in her attire – or rather lack of it, and suddenly she felt exposed.

Spike licked his lips, leaving his tongue in the corner of his mouth and grinned.

She felt his stare travel up her legs and continue all the way to her face, lingering on the way. There was a gust of cool wind, and Buffy shuddered, her nipples going hard with cold.

“Looking a tad...under-dressed, even for you, slayer – must admit though…I’m not complaining!”

Buffy jumped into the car and huddled over, but she called out –

“Go AWAY Spike – I mean it – I don’t need or WANT your help!”

Spike came and stood by the door.

“Fine by me love, what time did you call the recovery?”

“Just before you stopped” Buffy lied

“Oh, well that means they won’t be here for what…good couple of hours yet”

“What – don’t be ridiculous! – They said under an hour!” she bit her bottom lip.

“And I don’t believe you, because…suit yourself – anyway it’s bound to be something really simple!” He sauntered to the front of the car again, standing where he had been looking down her top had given him a hard-on – not that that was unusual when he was around her, but she was a little fraught at the moment – she needed to calm a little…

“You DO know these things need gas, don’t you?” Spike’s disembodied voice said.

Buffy’s fist’s clenched, and through gritted teeth she hissed,

“Yes, I HAVEN’T run out of gas!”

“Just askin’ is all…I know what you females are like…pull out the cold-weather starter and you hang your purse on it….” Suddenly, Spike spied what the problem was, one of the leads had come adrift from the battery – all it needed was pressing on – not for one second he was going to tell Buffy that….

“You still here? – I thought I told you to go!”

Spike strolled back to her, he decided to have some fun – needle the slayer – she couldn’t possibly be hiding a stake anywhere in that outfit, and he’d have plenty of time to react if she had one stashed in the car somewhere – which he doubted – no, NOW was definitely time to play Baffle Buffy with Bullshit time!

Buffy shivered again, it was getting chillier by the minute.

“Now, don’t be like that…tell me, slayer, before you took on this marathon trip through the Arizona desert, did you put on the sprocket filters, huh? Did you double grease the flange nodules and slightly loosen the grub nuts so the flywheels can run independently of the camshaft? – You have to do that, else you’ll find that if you drive at over fifty miles an hour, the sand whips in through the filters and quickly silts up the feeder tract. Did you blow-through the carburettor heads and test for tracking balance?”

All Spike had done, was string a few totally made up, but plausible sounding engine parts, with a few real ones, to make it sound like he knew what he was talking about. He could picture her, bowling along at 70 MPH+, wind in her hair, bet she looked like a sodding shampoo commercial!

Buffy looked at Spike and blinked

“Piss off!”

“I’ll take that as a no then, shall I?” He grinned and toed the ground.

“Don’t tell me YOU know ANYTHING about cars – that heap of JUNK you drive!” Buffy retorted hotly.

Spike gave her a smirk and bent over and leaned in towards her and said,

“Yeah, but at least my heap o’ junk actually WORKS”

“Ew, you reek of booze – you’re a pig, Spike!” Buffy pulled a disgusted face and turned away

Spike could see the goosebumps on her arms, and he ran his finger down from her shoulder to her elbow. Buffy shivered even more, she clenched her fist ready to pop him one.

“Oink, oink! Cold pet?”

“A gentleman would have offered me his coat! AND DON’T TOUCH ME AGAIN!”

“I thought you said I was a pig, not a gentleman, make your mind up! Anyway, or else you’ll what? – This recovery service are taking their time…when did you say you called them?” Spike spied the cell phone sticking out of her bag, and plucked it out.

“Give me that back!” Buffy tried to grab it, but Spike held it up in the air and moved off slightly so she couldn’t reach him unless she got out of the car.

“Ingenious little things these, aren’t they…saved people lost up mountains, lost at sea, and………….(he tried switching it on, several times in fact, and realised it was like him, dead!)……. lost in the desert………….course, they have to be charged up to be any good – now, d’you know what I think, slayer?”

“Not interested!”

“I think, you’ve been telling old Spikey porky pies!”


“Lies, fibs, untruths……there is no recovery service coming to get you slayer, coz you haven’t been able to contact them!” Spike grinned, and tossed the phone back into the car.

Inside her head, Buffy was mentally cursing every god, deity and eminence at her misfortune – of all the people – beings in the world to be passing her in her moment of need, it had to be Spike –the bane of her life – the bleached moron that drove her nuts.

“Lost for words, slayer…that’s unusual, oh, I’ve got a few for you, how about,

‘Please Spike, mend my car for me, I’ll be EVER so grateful”

“How about, piss off before I stake you? – I like that MUCH better”

“Okay then……just remember, it might be DAYS before anybody else passes through here – and it’s a bloody long walk – 223 miles to be exact – have fun!” Spike went to move off towards his car. He still had a raging hard-on, even verbally sparring with her turned him on……

“Spike, wait…” She bit her lip. The worst thing was, he could be right – it MIGHT be days before anything passed through here…

“Okay – I’ll let you look at my car to see if you can see what’s wrong with it – I promise not to stake you”

Spike grinned and continued back to his own car. He didn’t even bother to turn around he just raised a hand in a wave, and said,

“Not even close, Blondie, Adios!” he’d wear her down, he was sure as anything, coz he wanted her, wanted nothing more than to be buried in her hot, tight little body, and this was such a golden opportunity to get exactly what he wanted…………..

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