Summary: Willow and Oz are getting married, and Xander has some things that
he needs to tell Willow. Set a few years in the future.
Spoilers: Mild through season three.
Disclaimer: Joss made them, I use them for my sick, twisted pleasure.
Rating: PG
Feedback: Yes! Please! Oh, please!
For Karen.

I sat down next to her, Willow, my Willow, and took her hand as she looked at
me questioningly. She looked so pretty there, the night before her wedding,
sitting in a long, creamy colored nightgown, brushing her auburn hair past
her shoulders. She set down the brush and gave me her full attention.

I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to take her into my arms and tell her not to
marry Oz. I wanted... I wanted so many things. I wanted her to be mine
again, solely mine, living for me as I lived for her.

But I was too late, I think. She wasn't mine anymore. No longer after this
night could I ever say "My Willow" without being wrong. She would belong to
him, and not me, and that tore me up on some horrible levels. She licked her
lips slowly and I watched the movement.

"Xander?" she prompted.

I blushed, looking away. "Sorry... I just spaced out for a second there. I
just wanted to say..." I met her eyes, those eyes that made me feel like I
was perpetually eighteen again and seeing her for the first time, and I knew
that I couldn't do it. "That I'm really happy for you, Wills," I said softly.

She smiled brilliantly and looked down at the glittering ring on her finger.
"I am, too. And thanks, Xander. It couldn't mean more to me than it does
coming from you." She pulled me into a long, warm hug, and I caught the
faint, lingering scent of her hair, like the flowers in the park we used to
go to. I smiled sadly, with her unable to see me. She was exactly the same,
and so different, too.

I sat, holding her soft, warm body in my arms for possibly the last time like
it, and I was overcome with memories. The first time I saw her, her hair
glossy and bright in the sun, the first time we met Buffy, and when we cried
together over Jesse. When our whole group of friends went on a picnic and
played on the merry go round. When she told me she loved me, the night I
slept with Faith. Everything that was good and clean and pure went through
my mind in that moment. And yet, I still had trouble not crying.

My world was coming together, and still it was falling apart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was my wedding day, and I knew I glowed. Everything was perfect. Buffy
and Cordelia were in their dark green velvet dresses, and I was in mine. Oz
was waiting for me at the head of the altar. Xander and Giles were dressed
to kill, and the world rested in my palm.

What a perfect, perfect day.

I sighed a little, thinking of Oz as I clipped on the gold necklace with the
small pearl pendant around my neck. Everything I wanted; Someone to treat me
right, someone to love me as much as I could ever love him. Someone who made
me feel special with a simple look. His quirky smile, his gentle sense of
humor.

Yes, I was happy.

I felt like I was shining. I felt like... Everything was right, finally
right, with my life and with the world. At least for this one day in my
lifetime, I was determined to be totally happy, completely joyous with how
far I had come.

A knock on the door sounded and Xander asked if he could come in. Calling
out that he could, he stepped in quickly and closed the door behind him. I
had just sent Buffy and Cordelia out of the room, so we were alone, and my
breath caught at how handsome my best friend looked, and how proud I was of
him.

His breath caught too, and I grinned, glancing in the mirror. The dress was
ivory, with a long train, elaborate lace decorating it. It flared at my
hips, falling to the floor softly, and the bodice hugged my breasts and
stomach, little pearls trimming the sleeves and scooped neckline. My hair
was pinned up loosely on my head, and lots of little curled tendrils escaped,
framing my face underneath the lace veil. I was wearing small pearl earrings
and a necklace. I looked back at Xander and lowered my eyes at his intense
stare.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, almost in awe. I blushed deeply at the
adoration I found on his face and then playfully hit his arm with my hand.

"Stop," I mumbled, smiling. He took my hand.

"No," he said, his eyes large and shining hazel. "You're *so* beautiful,
Willow, that I can't even describe it. You're the most..." His lower lip
trembled a moment. "I'm in love with you."

I laughed. "Come on, Xander! You'd better get out there, the wedding is
going to start in..." I checked my tiny watch, "seven minutes."

"Willow," he said, more firmly. "I'm in love with you. I was going to stay
quiet about it, but... I saw you like this, and it's just that... I don't
want you dressed like that for anyone but me. I want all your days and your
nights and I want you to-- to love me like you used to. Maybe like you still
do?" he asked hopefully before rushing on. "Don't marry Oz, Willow. Marry
me."

I could imagine my heart shriveling in my chest, the world falling away and
leaving Xander and I and this one, gaping, unfair choice. I stared at him,
at his pleading eyes and uncharacteristically serious face and remembered my
life with him, and my life with Oz. Pain and hurt with Xander, but also
love, a deep and real love that would always be in me. Because I did love
him. I loved him more than almost anything.

But not more than I loved Oz.

"No," I said softly. He flinched and gazed at me, and I rested my hand on
his arm. "I'm sorry, Xander... I do love you, part of me always will." I
gave him a small smile. "My childhood sweetheart. One of the most important
men in my life, one of the men who made me become who I am. Of course I love
you. But not like that, not anymore. I love Oz now."

He looked down at his shoes and the corners of his lips turned down. "I'm
sorry," he muttered. "I just... Hoped, I guess. We're twenty-two now, and
it'll never be the same, will it? Not even if I love you like that."

"No," I replied. "It can't be the same. But do you really want it to be,
Xand? It wasn't ever as perfect as it is right now, and besides... I don't
think you really love me like that. I think..."

"Yeah?" he prompted hoarsely.

"I think you're holding onto something of our childhood. Maybe that's what I
represent to you. But I need to grow up. Totally and completely, with the
man I'm supposed to be with. Be my friend and love me like always?"

He looked up and smiled, but I could see sadness hiding behind his eyes.
"*For* always," he corrected, crushing me in a hug.

Finally, he pulled back, and I smiled at him impishly. "Besides, did you
hear what Cordelia was saying about you earlier? I believe it was something
like, 'He doesn't look totally disgusting today.' She's still got it bad."

Xander laughed, and again, all was right in my world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wedding went off perfectly, tears and smiles in perfect accompaniment.
Xander watched us with something that looked like sadness and understanding
at the same time. I wondered what he and Willow had talked about in her
dressing room. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been as bad as I had
imagined, because there she was, a few minutes later, stunning and beaming in
her gown, walking down the aisle.

Walking down the aisle to me.

To marry me.

Pride isn't even a word that describes that second, where I saw her face,
which was partially hidden by the veil. She smiled at me from underneath it,
and it was suddenly like the room had been dark before, and light at been let
in, filling and warming the place.

And then we exchanged vows and it was the moment of truth. I lifted her veil
to see her face streaked with glittery tears, and she was never more
beautiful to me. She lifted her chin and I met her lips with mine, and all
of the sudden I was crying too.

Everyone accuses me of being way too cool.

Boy, were they shocked.

I smiled, pulling away from her mouth, even as I wanted to get lost in her
kisses. She wrapped her arm around mine and we started down the aisle, and I
noticed the tiny smile she exchanged with Xander on our way down.

"What happened with him?" I asked softly, under my breath. She treated me to
another of her wonderful smiles and she answered me with all I needed to
hear, all I'll ever need to hear.

Her voice was soft, lilting, sweet. Perfect. "I love you, Oz."

And with her soft, honest words, something fell into place. My world was
complete.

The End

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