Remember Me

by Amy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She felt a tap on her shoulder, and her brown eyes snapped around, lighting
up when she saw his face. "Oz!"

He smiled, gesturing to the empty chair beside her. "Is this seat taken?"

Cordelia shook her head, glad to have someone next to her who would
understand. He sank into it, grinning at her, and she marveled at the change
in him. Same height, but a different look in his eyes. Older, sadder, more
mature. But there was that same quirky smile lifting his features, and
Cordelia was grateful for it. She brushed her hair out of her eyes.

"I didn't think... Well, I didn't think I'd see you here," she murmured.

He raised his eyebrows. "Likewise. Very likewise."

Cordelia laughed lightly, taking his hand and squeezing it. "So, Big and
Famous Rock Star Guy... How long has it been? Four years? Almost five, I
think."

He nodded. "Five in August sometime. Don't remember the exact date. You're
looking good, as usual." He nodded appreciatively and she smiled, flipping
her hair over her shoulder.

"Of course I am," she said loftily, then smirked. "I could say the same for
you. Success agrees."

Oz blushed bashfully. "Sorry I haven't kept in touch. After I left... Well,
Willow was the only one I corresponded with, and that wasn't very often, I
was working so hard. So I wasn't really all too shocked when I got her
letter the other day, asking me to come."

Cordelia's eyes dropped. "I was."

Oz looked surprised. "You didn't even think...?"

Cordelia shook her head abruptly. "I haven't been thinking about anything
but work lately. I think Giles tried to tell me a couple of times, you know,
in that subtle English way he has, and finally I understood when Angel came
out and told me. And then I got the letter. I can be really dense
sometimes, have you noticed?"

"You?" he asked teasingly. She shot him a wry look.

"Yes, me. Of course, I wanted to come. I mean, even though it's hard... I
felt like I *should* come, if not for everything they mean to me, then
everything they used to. Wow, that sounds cold."

"No," Oz denied. "It sounds human. I'm in sort of the same boat. Not
quite, because I was prepared for the news, but sort of." His voice dropped.
"It hurts, doesn't it?" he asked quietly.

Cordelia's head bobbed automatically, and she swallowed the tears that were
quickly gathering behind her eyelids. "Worse than anything."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Anything."

The music started and they fell silent, watching.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I loved her my whole life, gave so much of myself when I was with her. I
even asked her to marry me once, before I left on tour. She said no, of
course, and told me that maybe later, one day, when I wouldn't be gone all of
the time. I understood then, but refused to believe it. I understood that
she would never come back to my heart, so I would never come back to
Sunnydale. But somehow, with those sweet words on paper that I had always
loved, she convinced me.

And here I am.

There's some sort of poetic irony in all of this, me sitting next to
Cordelia. Who looks just like she used to, or would without her eyes being
bloodshot with tears. Her hand is gripping mine tightly, almost like she's
afraid of what she'll do if she lets go. Or maybe I'm the one holding her
hand, afraid of releasing. Perpetually afraid. Always sad. Never whole.

It's a good song. I can already hear it in my head.

Willow was so much to me for so long. She was the only beauty in this ugly
world, her laugh, her smile, her warmth. God, she was so warm and soft in my
arms for the two years we were together. I still remember her smell, fresh,
clean, pure. Pure. Everything I ever saw that might be pure, I compared to
her. Because she was the most unsullied of all.

I had to be here for her. For me. For what we had.

And for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow swept up the aisle, her face glowing, her hair shining like a halo
behind her veil. She walked at a steady pace, her eyes catching the man who
stood in front of her. She smiled, and he smiled back, that smile she had
fallen so in love with, the smile that she could see in her sleep.

She reached the front of the church and took Xander's hand, a rosy blush
covering her cheeks. Darting a glance at Buffy, who was beaming, and Giles,
who was smiling like a proud father, she locked eyes with her future husband
again and felt her lips swell with tears.

Oh, God, she loved him. More than ever, more than childhood and
indiscretions and passion combined. He was part of her, like the air she
breathed, like the water she drank. She couldn't survive without him.

Why would she want to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sitting here, watching them be married. I don't know how I'm finding the
strength to do it, but I am. Watching the man I loved for so long, and still
love, marry the woman who he belongs with. I try to summon anger in me, but
there's no more of that. And hate, but that has left me too. All that
remains is regret, and sadness, and the feeling that I'm witnessing the one
thing that was always supposed to be.

I was lying when I told Oz that I didn't know. I've known forever. Since we
were children, I knew that Xander and Willow would one day be happy and get
married. But, when I fell in love with him, I managed to forget that I had
ever thought that, deny what I knew to be truth. It hurt less that way.

I'm having trouble pretending that it's not happening now.

Because it is. In front of my very eyes, Xander is taking her hand and
vowing to love her until he dies. He'll always love her that much, that
long. He always has.

When I was young, I used to watch them together and wish that I had that,
that trust and acceptance and laughing. They were holding hands whenever I
saw them as children. Always together, always a part of the other one.
Willow was wounded when I said something to hurt Xander, and he nursed his
broken heart whenever I made her cry.

It's fitting. It's perfect. If it didn't hurt so much, I would smile like I
should and cry for happiness for them.

But it does hurt. So I cry for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was beautiful, so beautiful that it was the only word he could think of
as Willow walked quietly down the aisle. Her arms carried a heavy bouquet of
white roses, and Xander grinned, shooting Giles, who was standing next to
him, a proud look. Giles nodded beatifically, and Xander focused his eyes
back on his bride.

Their eyes latched together, and he tried to show her how happy he was, how
happy she had made him. She finally made her way to him and he took her
hand, not able to be in the same room with her, and not be touching some part
of her body. She smiled, squeezing his hand.

It was inevitable. The heartbreaks and losses and the triumphs of growing up
together in the strange world. Even in their turbulent teen years, she was
always a part of his heart, shining, quietly but there, on the edge of his
mind. Reminding him, always reminding him. How much he loved her and how
they were going to end up.

Content. Satisfied. Happy. But still more than that.

Complete.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The wedding came to an end, and the minister called out, "I now pronounce you
husband and wife!" He grinned. "You may kiss your bride."

Xander slowly lifted up her veil, searching her eyes and pleased with what he
found there. Willow's hands crept up the lapels of his tuxedo and drifted
around his neck, locking there. Smiling, captivated at her expression,
Xander leaned down and kissed her softly. The kiss quickly grew intense and
soon he was pressing her tightly to him, and dipping her backwards. The
crowd began to hoot and cheer as the kiss went on and on.

But Cordelia and Oz remained silent, smiling bittersweetly, lost in their
thoughts. They stood with the rest of the guests and watched the most
touching and perfect and painful thing either of them had ever had to
witness.

Finally Willow and Xander disengaged, grinning from ear to ear, and the
minister shouted over the din. "I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Alexander
Harris!"

The applause was overwhelming as they made their way back down the aisle,
glowing, flushed, and eager to start their whole new life together. Pausing
as they reached the door, they found themselves standing next to the two
people they were most glad came.

Xander reached out and took Cordelia's hand in between his, crushing it
warmly. She sniffed tearfully, smiling, and he leaned in to hug her.
"Thanks for coming, my Queen C," he whispered into her hair. She nodded, not
able to speak, relishing the feel of him in her arms for the last time.

Willow's hands found themselves claimed in Oz's, and they were a small, two
person circle, smiling into each other's eyes. "You know that I'm happy for
you, right?" he asked softly.

Willow nodded, her tears overwhelming her. She leaned forward to kiss his
lips lightly, her hand on his cheek. Oz sighed as she pulled back and hugged
her tightly, wanting to hold her forever, but knowing that he was doing it
for the last time. The crowd buzzed softly, wondering at these two people
who they had never met, who obviously meant so much to the newly married
couple. Cordelia looked at Willow and Xander and whispered something
quietly. "Remember us. Remember me." They nodded somberly, promising.

Xander and Willow finally pulled away from their past loves, two of their
closest friends. They clasped hands again, fitting, like it was supposed to
be, and shared a smile as they walked out of the church. Saying goodbye to
the past, with so much hope for the future.

Cordelia and Oz watched them, their eyes following, content with what they
saw in the people who they loved. It was okay. They would each be okay, in
time.

The future was promising for everyone.

The End


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