Rating: G
Spoilers: Anything up to and including Amends is fair game
Summary: It's Christmas Night and Buffy must explain Angel to Faith and
Joyce
Disclaimer: All characters belong to the great Joss. All Hail.
Dedication: To Andrea of course... I owe her a tale or two
The snow stopped and the sky cleared just after sunset. Buffy looked at the multitude of stars shining in the cold night sky and smiled softly at the tall figure beside her. "See, it was a sign."
The dark-haired vampire smiled wanly at the blonde Slayer. "I guess. I just wish I understood. There's a lot of things I need to figure out."
"But you're not going to do anything stupid are you? As far as I can recall rash and impulsive is my department."
"I won't. I promise. Listen, it's late. Your mom is probably worried. You should get home."
"You're probably right. I ran out and left her with Faith. I'm sure I have some explaining to do. Walk me home to face the inquisition?" Buffy asked ruefully.
"Sure." Gently Angel reached down and took the Slayer's hand. "Thank you."
She smiled at him as tears glistened in her eyes. "I can't lose you. No matter what. We'll work something out, I promise."
Walking slowly through the snow they finally reached the walk of Buffy's house. Silently Angel turned to Buffy and opened his arms. Gratefully she sank into his embrace. The sound of a door opening caused them to pull quickly away from one another.
"Bee, you okay?" Faith stood warily on the porch, a crossbow dangling at her side. Joyce stood nervously behind her eyeing Angel's imposing figure.
"It's fine Faith. I'll be right in." Buffy turned back to face Angel but he was already withdrawing into the darkness of the night. "Hey, be careful. Okay?" She could barely see his answering nod as she turned up the walkway to the house. Squaring her shoulders she opened the door and faced the anxious faces of her mother and fellow Slayer. "I guess I have some explaining to do."
"Buffy, I don't know what to think. What's going on? Faith said he threatened you? And you still went after him? I was going to call Giles but..." Throwing her hands up in frustration, Joyce sat wearily on the couch.
Buffy took a seat on the couch and took her mother's hands. "Mom, I know it's hard to understand. But he needed me. He was in trouble."
From her position across the room Faith spoke. "Willow called. She said something about Harbingers of Death and an evil called The First?"
"Yeah, that's all a part of it. Angel started having dreams. Dreams of his past. Of what he had been like before the curse. His victims were haunting him. Jenny Calendar was haunting him."
"Jenny Calendar? Wasn't that the computer teacher that died?" asked Joyce quietly. "He killed her?"
Buffy looked into her mother's horrified eyes and nodded. "Yes, Angelus killed her when she found the curse again."
Determined to get the big picture Faith asked, "So why was she haunting him now?"
"She told him he needed to kill me."
"Oh my God. Buffy..."
"Mom, it's okay. He couldn't. He wouldn't." Buffy got to her feet and began to pace about the room as she continued her explanation. "This thing, this First Evil. Somehow, some way, I think it's what brought him back. But we don't know why. That's something we're going to have to figure out. When I left earlier I went to Giles. We were able to figure out where to find the Harbingers. But when I went there this thing was there, this thing wearing Ms. Calender's face. It taunted me and then finally told me that Angel had chosen to kill himself rather then face hurting me and becoming a monster again."
"Well that's good. Saves you the trouble. Oh, sorry." At Buffy's glare, Faith closed her mouth. "Well since he just walked you home, I'm assuming you stopped him."
"Yeah, I found him on the bluff over looking town. He was waiting for the sunrise. We fought. It got ugly. The sun was about to rise. I was so scared. I didn't think I could stop him. I thought I was going to lose him." Returning to her mother's side, Buffy sat on the couch. "But then the snow started and it stayed dark. It was like a sign or something. I guess it gave him some hope. I'm sorry for not coming home earlier. We've just been walking for hours."
"I understand," Joyce patted Buffy's hand but then her face clouded in confusion. "No, you know what? I don't understand. Why, after everything he's done does it matter if he lives or dies? Why does he still matter to you?"
Buffy looked from her mother's anxious face to Faith's impassive one. "Because I love him," she said softly. "And I know we can't be together but I need to know he's alive. I need him in my life."
Once again Buffy got to her feet and resumed her anxious pacing around the room. "Don't you think I wish I could hate him? That I could forget I ever knew him? But he's here," she exclaimed as her hand covered her heart.
"He's here and I don't want to lose him. I know you can't understand. How can you understand when I don't understand myself. And I don't want to hurt Giles and my friends by seeing him. But if I don't see him I feel like I'm dying inside." She was near tears when she finished, the anger, frustration and hurt of the past months bubbling to the surface.
Joyce hurried over to the trembling Slayer's side and pulled her into her arms. Buffy resisted for a second but then collapsed into heart wrenching sobs in her mother's arms. Faith stood by helplessly as the usually strong Slayer gave in to her inner pain. After a while Buffy's sobs quieted.
Joyce pulled away and moved towards the kitchen. "I'll make some tea. It's not going to solve any problems but I think we could all use a cup right about now."
The two Slayers stayed behind, silently staring at the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. "So Bee, you really love him don't you?"
Buffy looked warily at her fellow Slayer. "Yeah, I do."
Faith sighed as she sank to the floor next to the tree. "I guess I have to admit that I'm jealous." At Buffy's raised eyebrow she gave a small laugh. "Willow filled me in about everything you and Angel have been through. I guess I'm jealous because it's obvious he really loves you. I've never been lucky enough to have someone love me like that."
"Sometimes I wonder if it's all it's cracked up to be."
"Bee, it has to be. To know that he'd rather die then let anything happen to you? My God, that's incredible. It's like something from the movies."
Sinking to the floor next to Faith, Buffy wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. "Too bad we don't get to live happily ever after," she said unhappily.
"But you had one night. It was something wasn't it?"
"And look what it got us. He lost his soul, tormented my friends, killed Ms. Calender."
"But before that, when he held you, kissed you. It was the most magical, special thing you ever felt. Wasn't it?"
Reluctantly Buffy smiled. "Yeah, it was."
"Then be happy you at least had that. Some people wait to feel like that for their whole lives. I know I'm still waiting. And given the average life expectancy of the Slayer I don't think I have that much time left. So relish what you had and maybe the two of you will be lucky enough to figure out a way to be together again and then I can live vicariously through you instead of trashy romances." Faith grinned at Buffy, then laughingly ducked the pillow she threw at her. "Come here and open your crappy Christmas present, I picked it out just for you."
-fin-