Summary: Cordelia gets a very special Christmas wish.
Disclaimer: Joss, the WB and Fox own all things.
For Amy, who wanted Doyle and Cordelia smoochies.
For the Watcher Council. Merry Christmas.
by: Melissa Flores
"Love's In Our Hearts On Christmas Day"
N'Sync
I know great distance still remains
Between us
But this could be a sign to hold on
It's the happiest time of the year
Filled with laughter and good cheer
As you watch the snow
Sweet love you'll hear me say...
You've got my heart on Christmas
Inside my soul
Your love remains
Love's in our heart
On Christmas day...
The days and weeks and months go by
So slowly
We are both wishing in the fly
As the night begins to fall
Twilight drowns the bedroom cheer
Such a rush with joy
And love it comforts me
And I do believe...
Love's in our hearts on Christmas
Though far apart
As one we pray...
Love's in our hearts
On Christmas day
A snowflake melts in your eye it turns to a tear
But your cheek it stays dry
With your warm smile so near
I have no fear
We're gonna make it...
Love's in our hearts on Christmas
Though far apart
As one we pray...
Love's in our hearts
On Christmas day
~*~*~*~*~*~
At first I couldn’t say anything. I felt frozen, wondering at that moment just how freaky this all was. Wondering, if this was really, real. It couldn’t be. Doyle? And Dennis?
Oh, God.
“Are you serious?” I asked, my voice soft and meek, so different from it’s usual voice that he actually smiled. He had a nice smile, but I was so full of shock, of wonder and of realization that I was actually speaking to my ghost roommate and looking at him, and just one minute away from totally freaking out.
“Yes. I’m sure.” He responded, sitting down next to me, sliding his arm around me and pulling me close. I shivered, he was cold. When he touched me, it was like a tickle. A soft, magical tickle that filled me, a coldness that felt weird.
But I didn’t move, I just numbly looked ahead, at nothing in particular as I tried to register what he was telling me.
“You’re serious.”
Dennis nodded, “Yes. But you remember what I told you. Just a little while.”
I swallowed, closing my eyes. “But…. God, Dennis, until tonight I’ve never even SEEN you, how can I-“
“I never had a reason to talk to you, Cordelia.” He whispered, one finger tracing down my face, causing me to stop at the tingling that the ghostly touch filled me with. “But it’s Christmas, and you’re alone. I couldn’t see that and let that happen. I’ve spent too many Christmases alone.”
“Oh, God.” I buried my head in my hands, trying to stop the trembling in my body. “This is crazy.” I muttered, tearing my hands from my face to stare at him. “This is nuts! I mean, god I’m talking to a GHOST!!”
“And that makes all the difference.” He pointed out. “It’s Christmas. It’s a magical night. I can do this, on this night, only.”
I closed my eyes to shut his image away from me. Oh, God I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that I could see him one more time, that I could look at those beautiful blue eyes and tell him that I was sorry I didn’t open myself earlier, that I was sorry that I didn’t give him chance, that he was a true hero.
But to see him again, for only one night? Would I be able to handle that?
“I was moving on. I was doing okay.” I whispered.
“I know you were. But you were still hurting. You didn’t get to say goodbye. I’m giving you that chance.” He nodded gently. “That’s what you wanted, right? That was your Christmas wish.”
I felt my throat constrict, and not trusting myself to speak, I nodded.
“Why are you doing this?” I whispered.
He smiled. “Because I love you. And because I know he did too.”
I wrapped my arms around myself, looking away.
Finally I looked at him. “Do it, Dennis.”
He stared at me for a minute.
“Are you sure.” He whispered, looking at me, his face inches from mine.
I nodded, my heart in my throat as I looked into his dark eyes. “I’m sure.” I barely managed to eek out.
He smiled, moving up press his cold lips against my forehead. “Close your eyes.” He whispered. I couldn’t feel any breath, but I felt the coolness, and feeling on tear sliding down my cheek, I nodded.
Then I felt his lips sliding down my face, settling on my lips, pulling at them softly. I closed my eyes, surrendering myself to the kiss, knowing, somehow, that this was okay.
And when I pulled back, when my eyes opened, I felt myself freeze.
Doyle was staring at me, his eyes wide, and moist, his face inches from mine.
“Merry Christmas, Darlin’.” He whispered.
I could only stare for a minute, and then a sob culminated in my throat and not daring to hope that he was really there, I could only stare.
“Do-Doyle?” I whispered.
He nodded, a soft, lazy smile on his face. “It’s really me, Darlin’.”
And I felt my hands go up to my face, felt the tears begin to spill uncontrollably, felt my throat clog, and I couldn’t say anything, nothing at all as I rasped for a word.
I felt my heart racing, and finally I just shook my head furiously, knowing I couldn’t do anything, but the one thing that I had wanted to do.
I lunged forward, and kissed him, furiously, desperately, wrapping my arms around him and I kissed him with all I had, with all my sorrow and all my grief and all my regret.
And as our lips parted, he held me close, and I knew that he was truly here, but I felt the same tingle that Dennis had, saw he didn’t need to breathe, and I began to realize how true this all was.
“Oh, God. Doyle. You’re really dead.”
He chuckled, a soft, sad chuckle. “But I died so that your could live, princess. Remember, that.”
“I’m so sorry.” I whispered. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye, I’m so sorry all I could do was just stand there like some sort of –“
“Cordelia.” He stopped my rambling with one tender finger on my lips. “No regrets. We don’t have time.”
I swallowed, nodding blindly. “How long-“
“Not long enough.” He said. “I could have spent forever next to you.”
I felt a soft smile curl up on my face as the words touched me in a place no other words had ever moved me before.
“I miss you.”
He smiled, nodding. “You know I see you everyday.”
I nodded, and leaned up, felt his lips pull at mine once, softly, lovingly.
“You’re not just trying to give me back the vision, thing huh?” He cracked weakly, his eyes so bright with passion I could only shake my head.
“No, but I was ready to kill you for that.”
“Not anymore.”
“No. Not anymore.” I whispered, my head against his chest. “Never.”
He nodded, still as his only movement was a hand running up and down my back.
“Doyle.” I whispered.
“What?”
“I could have.”
“What?”
I looked up, my eyes moist as my hand lifted up slide tenderly across his skin. “Your face. I could have learned to love you.”
He was quiet for a moment, and swallowed, so overtaken with emotion that neither of use could venture a word.
“I want you to know somethin’.” He finally choked, his accent so thick from the unshed tears I could barely understand him.
“What?” I whispered.
“You’re my princess, and you’re gonna fulfill your destiny, Cordelia. You’ve got a great one, so great that I can’t even tell you how great it is.”
My eyes were wide open at the wisdom in his eyes.
“And it’s gonna get hard.” He continued. “But you’ve got to know. When you feel alone, ye aren’t. Not this Christmas, not ever. You’ve got yer’ Dennis, and yer Wesley, and even yer Angel.” He chuckled. “And you’ve got my heart on Christmas, Cordelia. You’ve got my heart every day.”
I felt the tears sliding down my skin. “I miss you.” His forehead leaned against mine, and we just were still, letting our bodies speak for us.
“Time’s running out, darlin’.” He said, his voice husky.
“God, Doyle.” I whispered, as his tender hands reached up to cradle my face. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Sure you can. You’ve got some great people that can help ya.” He said, I saw the moisture in his eyes and my trembling fingers went up to slide across his soft, weathered skin.
“But I won’t have you.” I whispered.
“Aye, but ya will.” He said, a smile flitting across the graceful lips. “That ye’ll always have, darlin.”
I closed my eyes feeling my sobs consume me, and I felt him pull me against him, I kept them shut tight as I inhaled the whiskey on him, rubbed my smooth cheek against his grainy one, felt my tears rubbing on his cheek.
“I love you, Cordelia.” He whispered. I nodded blindly.
“I know, Doyle. I wish I could have had time-“
“Shh… It’s alright.” He squeezed my tight, and when my eyes opened, I felt my heart tremble at the sadness there.
“Keep me in your heart, Cordy.” He whispered.
I nodded. “Always. Always.”
He leaned forward, and his lips settled against mine, a soft, tender kiss. It was tender, passionate, and slow, so slow, like we had all the time in the world.
I felt the heat, felt him press against me, and then I could feel the desperateness, and I could feel the shiver, and the last thing I heard against my lips was, “Keep me in your heart.”
Our lips drifted apart, and when I opened my eyes, Dennis was starting at me, with a soft, sad expression.
Doyle was gone. He was really gone this time.
I felt hot tears spilling down my skin, felt my body go numb, and felt the loneliness consume me. There was a soft chill as I felt the ghostly hands gently pulling my body up, was engulfed in shivers as I felt his body press against me, holding me tight.
I didn’t fight it, at that moment my best friend was a ghost, and I buried my head in his chest, sobbing silently as the waft of the Christmas music filled the air, the Christmas tree lights that he had decorated blinking at us. I watched the tree, my body nestled against his as we lay on the couch, not saying anything.
I felt his lips press against my forehead as I let the tears spill on his ghostly body. He wiped them from my eyes, pressed his cheek against the top of my head.
“Merry Christmas, Cordelia.” He whispered.
I hugged him desperately, my eyes almost dull as I closed my eyes and heard Doyle’s soft Irish voice whispering his Christmas wishes as well.
And me, the only person in the room with a pulse, took comfort in him, and at that moment was more thankful for him, for Angel and for Doyle, at that moment the only one alive, than I had ever been for anyone in Sunnydale.
I didn’t care if we were all freaks, I knew, then, that I had my family.
And I closed my eyes, feeling the tears congregate, felt him brush them away. “Merry Christmas.” I whispered.
I lay in his arms, knowing that any minute Angel would come in through the doors, knowing that I would spend the rest of the evening on this couch, perhaps the next years, on this couch with Angel and Dennis.
But this Christmas, the only one who had my heart was Doyle.
I looked at the twinkling tree, pressed my lips against Dennis’ hand, and settled against him.
“Merry Christmas Doyle.” I whispered. “You've got my heart on Christmas.”
FIN
Love's in our hearts on Christmas
Though far apart
As one we pray...
Love's in our hearts
On Christmas day
FIN