Quotes

"First Impressions"

Written by: Shawn Ryan
Quote List compiled by: MBNielsen9

Club Host: Ooo. Send in the Clowns *and* Tears of a Clown -- both in one night. What a treat.
Angel: Yeah, well, uh, I was sort of going for a medley, uh, thing.
Club Host: Yeah, yeah. More of a duo-dley, though, wasn't it?

Club Host: You've been practicing haven't you?
Angel: A little.
Club Host: Probably not in front of the mirror.

Angel: I still can't believe you're here. I mean, I killed you.

Club Host: Somebody get these two love vamps a room!

Cordelia: This isn't mere dust. This is Son of Dust. This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust.
Cordelia: I give up.
Wesley: Very well. We'll just move our offices back to your living room.
Cordelia: And I'm dusting...

Gunn: Where's Angel?
Cordelia: I believe the word is, "hello."
Gunn: Yeah? Cuz I thought, "where's Angel" summed it up.

Cordelia: He's still sleeping.
Gunn: Sleepin'? It's 3:30 in the afternoon. I been up since dawn.
Cordelia: (to Wesley) Sort of missing the whole Creature of the Night angle, isn't he?

Gunn: Could one of you go in there and knock on his coffin?
Cordelia: He doesn't *use* a coffin. And maybe you've never heard the expression "Let sleeping vampires lie"?

Cordelia: Maybe we can help.
Gunn: You two? I find Deevak, I'm gonna need more than C3PO and Stick Figure Barbie backin' me up, no offense.
Wesley: Very little taken.

David Nabbit: Demons of the underworld beware. Your time on this earth is drawing nigh!

David Nabbit: Got here as quick as I could.
Cordelia: We paged you two days ago.

David Nabbit: Identify yourself, traveler. Are you also a fellow demon killer?
Gunn: Who is this guy?

David Nabbit: Where's Angel?
Cordelia: Actually, he's still kind of sleepy.
David Nabbit: At 3:30? I've been up since dawn.

David Nabbit: I stand ready to fight the good fight, sir. Whaddya need?
Angel: Financial advice.

David Nabbit: Oh, that's easy. You could look into seller financing, take over the owner's payments, and skip the bank completely; or you could make a play for a preservation grant and offer to restore the original decor and get the city and the feds to give you a tax break and a loan at a sweetheart rate; or you could apply for an FHA and get a PMI in lieu of a down payment.
Cordelia: Is anybody else getting warm? Do that tax breaks, FHA, and PMI part again.

Angel: Cordy? You're driving.
Cordelia: Me? Drive your car? So cool!

Wesley: Shotgun!

Gunn: We're too late. He split.
Cordelia: Maybe he heard what a pleasant person you were to be around.

Cordelia: I am so sick of dust.
Angel: I can't lift my arm all the way.
Gunn: This vamp did a number on my ribs.
Wesley: 'Fraid I threw my back out again.

Cordelia: Grease stains! All over my new outfit. (off looks) Okay, so maybe my pain isn't physical, but do you have any idea the dry cleaning bill I'm looking at?

Cordelia: When you do find him, you may want to be a little more Guy Pierce in L.A. Confidential, and a little less Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs.
Gunn: I haven't bothered to see a movie since Denzel was robbed of the Oscar for Malcolm X. Later.
Wesley: That was quite a performance.
Cordelia: I know! Talk about wound up too tight.
Wesley: No. I - I mean Denzel.
Cordelia: Oh. Well, he's always great.
Wesley: (to Angel) What about you?
Angel: Who doesn't love Denzel?

Cordelia: Okay. I'm gonna die.

Angel: What are you doing here?
Wesley: Gunn's in trouble. Can't. Breathe.
Angel: Gunn can't breathe?
Wesley: I...can't...breathe.
Angel: Oh. Sorry.
Wesley: Uh. Oh, s'quite all right. Now, about the naked thing.
Angel: I'll get dressed.
Wesley: Much appreciated.

Cordelia: There you go. Good as new.
Joey: I think you cracked my skull.
Cordelia: Well, that's new, right?

Cordelia: I was just trying to help you.
Gunn: Thanks for the help. Always enhances a guy's rep when some skinny white beauty queen comes to his rescue -- in front of his crew!

Cordelia: Whether you want to believe it or not, you are in big time danger. I'm Vision Girl. I saw you.

Gunn: Thanks for coming, buckle up, drive safe. (beat) Where's your car?

Cordelia: Do you know what he's going to do to me when he finds out I let his car get stolen? I mean, what are the chances that a vampire has full insurance with a low deductible?

Cordelia: You're just gonna ask them to give it back?
Gunn: I'll say please.
Cordelia: Oh! I forgot! You'll use your famous charm, like you did this afternoon with that pigeon stool.

Gunn: You don't have a clue why I do things I do.
Cordelia: Paging Mr. Rationalization!
Gunn: Paging Miss About to Be Thrown Out of a Moving Vehicle!

Cordelia: You need protection.
Gunn: And how exactly do you plan on protecting me -- with some weak-ass, lady smith battle axe?
Cordelia: Ask Joey and his cracked skull just how "weak-ass" it is.

Gunn: Mace?
Cordelia: To squirt, squirt -- right in the eyes.
Gunn: You expecting me to be jumped by a couple of purse-snatching demons?

Cordelia: I'm your protector whether you like it or not.
Gunn: This thing better attack me soon, cuz I *know* I can't take much more of this.

Wesley: What's the problem?
Angel: It's just, you know, the whole visibility issue not to mention the whole hat head thing, and I mean, when you really think about it how come I have to wear the lady's helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.

Wesley: Looks good. Hop on board gorgeous.
Angel: You'll pay for this.

Gunn: New acquisitions are in the garage.
Cordelia: Getting the full make over, I bet.

Cordelia: Geez. Short enough leash? Or do you just go all warm and tingly on the whole power trip thing?

Gunn: Now, we when get inside. Just shut up and stay close to me.
Cordelia: Hold on there, Generalissimo. I'm not one of your toy soldiers you can just boss around.
Gunn: I don't even want you here.
Cordelia: Too bad. I am here. And I don't take orders. [beat] Except from Angel. And at least he usually asks nicely. And besides, I don't need you how to tell me how to behave at a party. Trust me. I know how to blend.
(Cordy looks around the crowd)
Cordelia: Okay, not exactly blending. Maybe I'll just shut up and stay close to you.

Veronica: Who's your friend?
Cordelia: Who me? I'm no friend. I mean, I'm just here on business. I'm a working girl. That came out wrong. I mean, obviously, I'm not "working girl." Not that I couldn't be if I wanted to. Of course, I could. God, that sounded stuck up, didn't it? I didn't mean to imply that I could be a working girl and you couldn't. Far from it! You'd make a great...Could you just point me to the hors d'oeuvres?

Cordelia: Are you friends with, like, every criminal in town?
Gunn: Now, see, there you go assuming those brothers are criminals.
Cordelia: Aren't they?
Gunn: You mean like your friend David Nabbit? You think he became a billionaire by being a good citizen?
Cordelia: Actually, he did. He made his first millions developing software that lets blind people surf the Web. Plus, he set up a foundation that donates $20 million a year to countless charitable causes.
Gunn: Yeah, well you let me know when some of that corn trickles down to these parts.
Cordelia: Take it easy.
Gunn: I can't take it easy. I can never take it easy. Not for a second, all right? The minute I forget that, somebody like Alonna pays the price.
Cordelia: Alonna?
Gunn: (pause) Veronica. I can't stop. I can't ever stop.

Gunn: You drive it out of here; I'll follow you home.
Cordelia: Just as soon as find the keys.

Gunn: You know, I gotta tell you. You are one high-maintenance chick.
Cordelia: The keys are here. Somewhere.
Gunn: You are *killin'* me.
Cordelia: Can't you, you know, hot wire it?
Gunn: Just cuz I know some car thieves doesn't mean I am one.
Cordelia: Hey, instead of being High Moral Ground Guy, why don't you help me find them?
Deevak: How touching. A woman willing to die with her man.
Cordelia: Oh, no. He's not my man. He's just a friend. And...about the willing to die part?

Gunn: You must be Deevak. They told me you was ugly, but damn.

Deevak: Surival of the fittest, brah. And right now, you're not looking too fit.
Wesley: Angel, look. I found your keys. Unfortunately, this substance doesn't appear to be coming off.
Angel: What is that?
Wesley: Demon blood. Or demon pus. Or possibly both.

Gunn: Well, you finally saved my life. I guess I should say thanks.
Cordelia: Yes, you should.

Darla: Always the protector, never the protected.
Angel: I have so many things to make up for.
Darla: And you have. You take care of so many people. But who takes care of you?
Angel: (Smiles) You do.

Darla: I could just eat...you...up.

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