Quotes

"The Shroud of Rahmon"

Written by: Tim Minear
Quote List compiled by: MBNielsen9

Cop #1: Tell us what happened.
Wesley: It all went horribly wrong.

Wesley: What happened to your head?
Cordelia: Excuse me?
Wesley: You hair? It's...new. It's great! When did this happen?
Cordelia: Ten days ago.

Wesley: Of course. I didn't want...to embarrass you by--
Cordelia: Noticing?

Wesley: Have you seen Angel? I thought we might check on him. He doesn't seem to be doing much with his time lately.
Cordelia: Au contraire. His day is packed: Brood about Darla, brood about Darla -- lunch! -- followed by a little Darla brooding.

Wesley: Right. Enough is enough. I'm going to march up there and tell him just that.
(Stands)
Cordelia: Nice posturing.
Wesley: Thank you!

Cordelia: Gunn's cousin got involved in something pretty big. Big meaning illegal.

Cordelia: Time to traipse off to your shallow, soul-sucking Hollywood party?
Wesley: Premiere, actually. And, uh, I happen to have an extra ticket.
Cordelia: Who does shallow better than me!?

Lester: He cool, right?
Gunn: He's cool.
Lester: You know, not that I'm prejudiced. I just hate vampires.
Angel: You're enlightened. I can tell.

Gunn: And what I'm supposed to do? Stay home and knit?
Angel: I could use a sweater. Something dark.

Kate: Don't suppose you'd testify against her in a blindingly sunny court of law?
Angel: Don't suppose you have a search warrant?

Kate: I will find her, Angel. You can be sure of that. And when I do, she's toast.
Angel: She's human now, remember?
Kate: Toast with life in prison.

Kate: Afraid I'll get hurt?
Angel: No. I'm afraid you'll get killed. I'm just telling you this so you won't.
Kate: Me, dead. I guess I'd kind of be like you, then, wouldn't I?
Angel: Let's try this one more time. You get stuck between me and Darla, and it'll be the last thing you ever do.

Wesley: Really, the stain, it...it's hardly noticeable.
Angel: Cordelia, what happened?
Cordelia: It's not blood, it's cocktail sauce. Courtesy of Mr. Star Schmoozer here.
Angel: I mean to your head. Your hair! Well, it looks great! When did this happen?
Wesley: Ten days ago. Pay attention!
Angel: Why doesn't anybody ever tell me this stuff?

Wesley: We, uh, had a little mishap. With the little shrimp? And the sauce. And her dress.
Angel: You were at a party.
Cordelia: You know, party...soiree...night of the thousand humiliations.
Wesley: I spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat Chow...Chow.
Cordelia: Chow. Yun. Fat.
Angel: You met Chow Yun-Fat?!?

Wesley: This is wonderful! You-- You're on a case! You're back!
Cordelia: Yeah! It'll be just like old times, right, Angel? Meeting evil, face to face, kicking evil's booty! Wes and I'll crank up the research machine and you'll...what will you do again?

Angel: They're bringing in a vampire from Las Vegas tonight. His name's Jay Don. He's got a rep. If he's involved; it's a big heist.
Wesley: I've heard of him. Isn't he a...
Cordelia: Deadly killer?
Wesley: Well, that, of course. But I was about to say a loud, flashy sort of character.

Cordelia: How loud and flashy?
Wesley: Uh, I believe he's quite the extrovert.
(They look at Angel. In his all black.)
Angel: What?
Wesley: Well, I'm sure you can pull it off. You're...colorful.

Angel: Hey, can I see the glasses?
Jay-Don: Nobody touches the glasses or the hair, doll.

Angel: And what is that piece of junk?
Menlo: You're funny vampire.
Angel: Whoa, whoa, we need to talk, bro. Two things bringin' in the chicks -- the 'do and the ride.
Menlo: Get in.
Angel: I hope I don't see anybody I know.

Bob: Vampires wig me.
Vyasa: You feel like a meal?

Angel: Hey, don't tell me. You must be Bob, the Security Guard. And you're a great big...monster, aren't you?
Menlo: This is Jay Don. He talks too much.
Angel: I'm a people person.

Angel: Like the shirt. Where'd you get that? Ed's Big and Spiney?

Vyasa: He's funny. You're funny. You'll be even funnier when I crush your head.
Angel: Funny ha-ha, or funny peculiar?

Menlo: Where's Lester?
Angel: Yeah! Where's Lester? We can't get the ball rolling without Lester. Who's Lester?

Angel: I hate waiting. (Looks at Bob) Got anybody to eat around here?

Angel: What kind of name is Lester, anyways, huh? Norwegian? Finnish?

Cordelia: Museums, museums. Okay, we've got the MOCA. We've got the LACMA. Ooo, The Gene Autry! Well, it could be a magical stuffed horse.
Wesley: Let's assume not and try natural history.

Cordelia: Site map, membership, museum shop...Don't they have a section like, "Things You Might Wanna Steal"?

Wesley: Click on recent acquisitions. Right there. There!
Cordelia: I've got it. Sheesh, backseat surfer.

Cordelia: Okay, two words I don't like right off the bat: tomb and unearth. People, you've gotta leave your tombs earthed.

Cordelia: I'm not big on shrouds. They're an after-you-die outfit.

Cordelia: Why is it always virgin women who have to do the sacrificing?
Wesley: For purity, I suppose.
Cordelia: This has nothing to do with purity. This is all about dominance, buddy. You can bet if someone ordered a male part for religious sacrifice, the world would be atheist like that.

Cordelia: You said Rahmon was a drive-you-mad kind of fella?
Wesley: Hmmm.
Cordelia: I hate it when you do that.

Cordelia: So, in order to take his mind off the torment that is Darla, we sent Angel after a box that makes you crazy.

Vyasa: Humans always gotta feel something about everything. They always gotta tell ya about it. "I'm so happy. I'm so sad. I'm so scared." Makes me sick.
Angel: I don't know, doc. I like it when they're scared. Makes 'em taste kinda...salty!
Vyasa: Did I ask for your opinion, you overgrown leech?!
Angel: Altoids! Aisle Four!

Gunn: When they gonna start makin' some pretty demons?

Wesley: I'm feeling a little...
Cordelia: Me, too. I think it's the altitude.
Wesley: Right. The altitude here at sea level.

Angel: Try holding up your corner, Les.
Gunn: Who died and made you corner monitor?
Vyasa: Are you two gonna get married or what?

Angel: You know, I'm getting kinda tired of this Vampires Killed My Sister So Now I'm All Entitled song. Don't you know anything else? Like, say, McArthur Park?

Bob: It's ropin' time! Tonight, I'll be playing the part of the poor defenseless calf. Who gets to be the cowboy?

Bob: Gotta look real. I'm not the bad guy; I'm the good guy!
Angel: I'm the good guy! No, wait. I'm the bad guy.

Wesley: That's why I'm here. To warn Angel about...something...important. Your hair!
Kate: You're here to warn Angel about my hair?
Wesley: It's blonde!

Wesley: The shroud. He's got to know about the shroud. It will make everybody...It makes everybody act differently.
Cordelia: My teeth are soooo big. I...am...pleasant.

Wesley: I noticed your hair right away!

Cordelia: Oh! Hello plastic person! You're all by your lonesome in here. So, I guess you won't be needing this.

Wesley: The shroud. Very dangerous. It makes people *bad,* although it's amazing how good I feel!

Wesley: Is that Gunn? What's he doing here? I never thought of him as the museum type.

Angel: Wow! Look at you, rushing in here all by yourself. You're the best cop ever.

Angel: You got me. My life of crime is over. I'm going down. But first, a little impression! "I'm a cop on a mission to protect the innocent and rain on everybody's parade and obsess about my father's death and bother people who are about to steal things!"

Angel: Katie! What are you afraid of? Is it this? (Vamps out) Is it the part where I kill you? Cuz I gotta tell you, I love that in a woman!

Vyasa: What now?
Menlo: Open it!
Angel: Oh, that's genius. Good thing we didn't think of that back at the old museum, miss out on all this swell heavy lifting.

Wesley: I don't think he's coming down.
Cordelia: Hmmm.
Wesley: I don't think recent events did him a lot of good.
Cordelia: Again, a hearty hmmm.
Wesley: We had every good intention, of course.
Cordelia: Right. Sending him into the path of a crazy-making, one-way-ticket-to-evil-town death cloth. Good plan.

Wesley: It's not the shroud's effect on him that worry me as much as...
Cordelia: What? My stealing? I returned everything. I *swear.*

Wesley: Angel drank human blood. From a living person. Something he hasn't done in a very long time.
Cordelia: So, on top of everything else, we may have reawakened his blood lust?
Wesley: Yes.
Cordelia: Hmmm. Full day's work then.
Wesley: I think so.

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