Quotes

"Dad"

Written by: David H. Goodman
Quote List compiled by: Hazel

Wesley: Not to mention some bastard blown a gaping hole in the lift.
Angel: Sorry. My bastard.
Wesley: Oh. Well - not like we ever use it.

Angel: What? What did I do?
Cordelia: You don't have a woman's touch - whatever your taste in clothing may indicate.

Wesley: Angel, we could use your help when you're finished - changing the baby - who is being changed on my desk.
Angel: Sorry. I needed the space.
Wesley: Of course. And seeing as you once nearly had sex on my desk I shouldn't be surprised that now there is a baby on it.
Angel: Hey! First of all that wasn't me, that was some guy who switched bodies with me. And second of all (whispers) can we keep the S E X talk away from the baby?

Wesley: Did you know these diapers are lined with a space-age material originally designed for NASA astronauts? Hmm, interesting. Though now I'm picturing grown men in nappies and am rather disturbed.

Lorne: Oh, just listening to those Furies gives me whiplash! Thank God they finally left. My head was about to pop off. Which, granted, not that big a deal.

Fred: So, the baby's safe? We're all safe. Right, Lorne? I-I mean unless one of those killers decides to throw in a fire bomb in at us like they did at your club, which had a similar safety spell around it as I recall. - Sorry.
Angel: She's right. He won't be safe here for long.
Lorne: Well, we can get out if we have to. I installed an emergency exit down in the sewers. A-a mystical barrier, opens and closes with a password. Pylean word for hedgehog.
Fred: Oh. - Oh!
Gunn: "I'm guessing it means something very different in English?

Cordelia: No. But he needs his newborn checkup. The baby book says that he's supposed to have a vitamin K shot and a PKU test after he's born. Uh - are you gonna circumcise?
(Baby cries)
Gunn: I think he heard you.

Lorne: Speaking of hearing things - are there any fluorescent lights in here? I keep hearing this hum. Plus, fluorescent - green light, green skin - it's all bad. - I'll take the blank stares as a big fat no.

Linwood: That's a cute little baby. Yes, you are. And your daddy is a vampire with a soul. And sometimes he reverts to a creature of pure, malevolent evil, who could rip your tiny throat out. Yes, he does. I like kids. The Senior Partners took mine before I really got to know them.

Lorne: Here let me give it a try. (Sings) Ooh, ooh, baby, baby. Ooh, ooh, baby, baby. Mistakes I know I made a few, but I'm only human. You'll make mistakes, too. And I'm crying... (Stops singing) He doesn't like Smokey Robinson and the Miracles? I thought you said this kid had a soul.

Lorne: Yeah, well, it's getting a little tense - your vibe, that is.
Angel: My vibe? What vibe?
Lorne: Oh, just the incredibly anxious one that's been coming of you in waves ever since he was born. He's deeply connected to you. If you're wound this tight, how do you think he's gonna feel?
Angel: Hey, he's not even a day old and he's got an enemies list. How would you feel? Wouldn't you be a little edgy?

Lilah: "That *whole* thing is Angel's file.
Woman: "Just the first thirty five cabinets.
Lilah: "Right. Does China Palace deliver down here?

Gunn: What are you doing?
Wesley: Trying to imagine myself as John Wayne in Rio Bravo. You?
Gunn: Austin Stoker, Assault on Precinct Thirteen.
Cordelia: If we live through this, trade in your DVD Players and get a life.

Angel: We'll get through this, I promise. The vampire/demon/biker posse, that's the easy part. (the Hum-vee following rams his car from behind) The part that scares me - is all the questions. Why is the sky blue. Why do people get sick. Why is there always pigs' blood in the fridge. I don't have all the answers. Well, I do to that last one.

Angel: My son has a tiny scratch on his cheek, and now, by extraordinary coincidence so do you. I'm holding you personally responsible for *anything* that happens to him whether it's your fault or not. Cold, sunburn, scratched knee, what ever happens to him, happens to you, and then some. For not only are you not coming after him, you gonna make sure that he lives a long, healthy life. You just became his godfather, understand?
Linwood: I believe I do.
Guard: Sir?
Linwood: It's all right.
Angel: Oh, and one more thing: College fund? Start saving. I got my heart set on Notre Dame.

Fred: Geraldo Angel. You’re a pet psychiatrist with a small practice in Pacoima. Oh, and you fight crime- We just told them the name part. The rest is me, having fun.

Wesley: Connor. That's a lovely name. I don't suppose you ever considered Wes...
Angel & Gunn & Cordy: No.

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