Quotes

"Provider"

Written by: Scott Murphy
Quote List compiled by: Hazel

Fred: How is the Connor fund?
Angel: There was a dollar eighty three in the cushions out there. That's perfectly good money just lying around.

Wesley: Adorable.
Gunn: So sweet.
Wesley: I meant the baby.
Gunn: I meant the hot mama.

Lorne: If this is about the baby formula that I snagged from the fridge last night - sorry. I was feeling a little peckish and it was that or a glass of pig's blood. By the way, baby formula and Kaluha? Not as bad as it sounds.

Angel: Lorne, I need you to use your contacts to find out what Holtz is up to. He's out there somewhere. We can never forget that. Finding him is our number one priority.

Gunn: I thought you said...
Angel: Finding Holtz and making money are our two number one priorities.
(Cordy clears her throat.)
Angel: Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are out *three* number one priorities.

Gunn: Have you - been to the police?
Ally: Yeah. They act like I'm some kind of nut. Just - like I'm making it all up.
Gunn: Yeah, you go to the cops for help they don't do a thing until somebody ends up dead.
Ally: Somebody *is* dead.
Gunn: Who?
Ally: Brian.

Wesley: The Internet article I'm currently writing posits a formula for the genome mapping of creatures who don't have genes. - It's an exciting arena.
Lorne: One I'm sure we can all download at 'I'll never know the love of a woman dot com.'

Fred: Sure. These are puzzle people. Did you notice the designs on their tunics? (Traces the design) Geometric shapes. Each a prime number, if you count their edges, arranged in ascending order of exponential accumulation.
Wesley: Yes, I did - not - notice that at all.

Fred: Did I say something wrong?
Lorne: No. No, they liked *you.*
Fred: So much they ran away?
Lorne: They either have to consult with their prince or go eat a cheese monkey. Did-did I mention rusty with the lingo?

Harlan: You have much experience dealing with vampires?
Angel: Some.
Harlan: Yeah, well, not like these. They're not out for blood. They want money.
Angel: Money?
Harlan: Yeah. I know. Whoever heard of a vampire out to make a buck, right?

Fred: There's a young woman whose dead boyfriend is stalking her.
Angel: That's terrible. Did you...
Cordelia: I ran her credit. She's solvent.
Angel: Nice.

Angel: Hey, how's my little magnum cum laude, Notre Dame, class of two thousand twenty?

Angel: You've been drinking?
Lorne: Oh, I can hold my liquor, Mister. Unfortunately I can't say the same for my firewater.
(Lorne giggles.)
Wesley: Aren't they the same thing?
Lorne: Hey, Fred-girl! No, this is special firewater, used to loosen the tongue of my Gar-wak snitch. They light the water on fire and there's chanting and a bong, and look out, Houston!

Lorne: Bro, I'm on it. I've got rats looking all over this town. Well, not actual rats - except two of them. Ooh, I don't feel so good.

Wesley: You read all the same science journals.
Gunn: You laugh at the same dumb jokes.
Ally: And the sex. Oh, god, do I miss the sex.
Gunn: Tell me about it.
Wesley: Hmm.

Wesley: Perhaps there is something he left unfinished, something he wants to tell you.
Gunn: Or maybe he just wants to eat your intestines.
Wesley: Gunn. We don't know that he's a zombie, and besides the flesh eating is a myth. Zombies merely mangle, mutilate and occasionally wear human flesh.

Wesley: What's he doing?
Gunn: Pouting.
Ally: Okay. That's it. (Goes to Brian.) You know, this is so typical of you. You're all bluster and then you pout.

Brian: I thought we had fun together.
Ally: We did, but you're so - needy.
Brian: Needy? Because I cared?
Ally: Caring didn't entitle you to read my diary, follow me to work...
Brian: I never... Okay, I read your diary once or twice. Does that give you a reason to poison me?
Ally: What? You're gonna believe everything a zombie says?
Wesley: Are you saying *she* killed you?
Brian: I'd forgive her if she'd take me back.

Angel: I don't know what to tell you, Sam. I can't kill on deferment. Sets a precedent.
Cordelia: Lorne, we're in no position to be threatening these nice people.
Lorne: Oh, sure we are. Angel, Wes, and Gunn can take 'em! Can't see them from down here. Where are they anyway?
Cordelia: Out making money.
Lorne: Oh. So, when I told the Nahdrahs that they were surrounded by killer warriors I was stretching the truth a little?
Cordelia: Just enough to get us all killed.

Cordelia: Lorne - do these guys have groins?
Fred: Is that really important right now?
Cordelia: Work with me here, kids.
Lorne: I think so. I never knew one intimately.

Fred: If you can keep your head when those about you are losing theirs guess you're pretty lucky. I could kiss you both.
Lorne: Uh, still tied up down here.
Fred: Oh...
Lorne: Yeah, come on. My hands are turning pink.

Angel: Guys, can I say something? (Angel looks at the spilled money) Money's important but it - it isn't everything. - I got - I got carried away. - I just (looks down at Connor) I never had a life that was totally dependent on me before. (Looks at the money again) But that's no excuse. (To Cordy) Where was I? Cordelia: Money's not the most important.
Angel: No, it's not. What's - important is (looks from Connor to the other) family - and the mission.
Cordelia: They tried to cut Fred's head off. We earned every penny.

Cordelia: I'm just saying a boat.
Angel: No. College fund.
Cordelia: Yes. College fund - and pay our bills - and put a down payment on a boat.
Angel: We're not getting a boat.
Cordelia: Hmm, they're fun.
Angel: They're expensive. And when would I go on this boat, hmm?
Cordelia: Moonlight sails. - Okay. - College fund - pay our bills - and rent a ski condo in Aspen.
Angel: Ski condo?
Cordelia: There's got to be some fun in our lives.
Angel: Hmm - I like a ski condo.
Cordelia: Sure. Snow. Trees. Chipmunk robots on ice...
Angel: Chipmunk robots... - on ice...

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