Quotes

"Double or Nothing"

Written by: David H. Goodman
Quote List compiled by: Hazel

Monica: Wesley! That was it.
Syd: Don't be ridiculous, Monica, it wasn't Wesley. It was Sherman.
Monica: You don't even know any Shermans! It was Wesley. Irish fellow, right?
Syd: He was English, you old bat!

Syd: Person spends his whole half-life...
Monica: ...building a lair to relax in.
Syd: And what happens? A Skench demon squats...
Monica: ...right down on your coffee table. Ask me how many times I had to listen to this.
Syd: Oh, like you ever listen.
Monica: And you have so many interesting things to say.

Monica: Well, god knows you can't stay. What with the shrieking all night and the projectile phlegm.
Syd: The only thing worse is putting up with her for three hundred years.

Monica: Syd has a phobia about phlegm.
Syd: I do not! I have a phobia about sputum.

Monica: Oh, for crying out loud, Syd, that girl is not a sixteenth of your age. Put your eyes back in your head!
Syd: A demon can dream, can't he?

Gunn: Man! You hear those two?
Fred: It's beautiful. All that time and they're still in love. The way they finish each other's insults.

Fred: Don't forget your machete.
Gunn: Yes, dear.
Groo: He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
Lorne: I'm not touching that one.

Fred: If Angel sees you again, he'll kill you, Wesley. This time for real. Don't come back to the hotel--ever. The prophecy was false. Angel was never gonna hurt Connor. - It was all for nothing.

Groo: Hail to you, potential client! - How may I be of service?

Fred: Alright, ready? - Red T-shirt, your dark blue Blue-Jeans, gray boots. - Was I right about any of it? - Okay. That was just the warm up. Uhm, yellow long-sleeved Tee, gray cords, tan boots. See? Record secure. Never takes me more than twice. - Uhm, me? Maybe you should come over here and find out. Of course if it takes you too long...
Gunn: It won't.
Fred: Hey! Sorry, I have to cancel somebody just walked in my door.
Gunn: He better looking than me?
Fred: Way. And he brought me breakfast in bed!
Gunn: Voila, Madame, room service.
Fred: Cool! You didn't cook, did you?
Gunn: Nope. Your favorite food from your favorite diner.
Fred: Pancakes and Waffles? I'm in starch heaven! Yum!

Angel: I think he was gonna be left-handed. The way he would hold on to your fingers? His left hand always squeezed just a little bit tighter. - Kid had a grip. He was gonna be a south paw for sure. - When you live as long as I do, you eventually lose everyone. - I'm not saying you get used to it but - you expect it. You deal. - But he was just... - - He was just a little... - You think you know something about living because you have this really long life. - And that's really all we have, I mean, in my case anyway. And one day you wake up - and you have something else.
Cordy: A future.
Angel: I had a son.

Gunn: Something wrong with your shake? It's your favorite: double mocha, double whip.
Fred: I'm kinda full.
Gunn: Oh, my god. This is serious.

Fred: I don't think I like the way you're talking to me.
Gunn: Too bad.
Fred: Why're you being so mean?
Gunn: I'm being honest. Isn't that what you wanted?
Fred: Yeah. Be honest. - Is it me?
Gunn: Wow. You finally figured that one out.
Fred: What's wrong with me?
Gunn: Now I gotta make a list? I don't think I have enough time!
Fred: Are you joking? Charles, what's happening?
Gunn: What's happening is: you and me are over. Done.
Fred: No.
Gunn: Am I asking? I'm telling. I've had enough.
Fred: I don't believe it!
Gunn: Better start.
Fred: But - but wait! Wait! Is there someone else? What's her name?
Gunn: Her name is 'I'm a real woman, not a stick figure' - get the picture?

Angel: I'm a little confused.
Fred: About what? What was unclear?
Cordy: Well, upstairs you said you thought Gunn was in danger.
Fred: He is!
Cordy: And you think that because...?
Fred: He broke up with me!
Cordy: Oh.
Fred: But not really.
Cordy: Oh. No?
Fred: No!
Groo: That is good. I am relieved.
Fred: No this is worse. Much worse. I wish he had broken up with me.
Cordy: Fred, are you sure he didn't? I mean, those things you said he said to you...
Fred: I know I said he said those things to me, but he would never say those things to me.
Cordy: Those things he said?
Fred: Exactly! That's why I know he's in trouble.
Angel: Let me get this straight. You and Gunn are dating.
Fred: Not any more, I guess!

Angel: Really. We're gonna win Gunn's soul back.
Fred: This is so wrong in so many ways. I mean, it's not money or a stuffed bunny Angel's playing for. It's my boyfriend.

Fred: Say it again. A little slower this time.
Gunn: I was terribly, terribly wrong to break up with you and say those mean and untrue things.
Fred: Good. Now - say it into the tape recorder.

Fred: You must have wanted her pretty bad to trade your soul.
Gunn: I guess I did.
Fred: Just tell me.
Gunn: It - it was a truck. I was seventeen years old and I sold my soul for a truck.
Fred: Not this truck.
Gunn: Don't go dissing my girl.
Fred: Oh, Charles, your soul wasn't worth air conditioning?

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