Faith: "So, what, you're telling me never?"
Buffy: "Faith, really now is not the time!"
Faith: "I'm curious. Never ever? Come on, really. All this time, and not even once?"
Buffy: "How many times do I have to say it? I have never... done it... with Xander. He's just a friend."
Faith: "So? What are friends for? I mean, I'm sorry, it's just, all this sweating nightly, side-by-side action, and you never put in for a little after-hours (grunt)?"
Buffy: "Thanks for the poetry."

Buffy: "Okay, count of three. One... (Faith attacks) Three."

Faith: "Nicely diverted, B."
Buffy: "Diverted? That was me fighting for my life, Miss Attention Span."
Faith: "This isn't a Tupperware party. It's a little hard to plan."
Buffy: "The count of three isn't a plan. It's Sesame Street."

Mayor: "Where is the owner of these fine implements?"
Mr. Trick: "The common term is 'slain.'"

Mayor: "Who knows, with any luck, they'll kill each other. Then everyone's a winner. Everyone, of course, meaning me."

Xander: "Is anyone else intimidated? Because I'm just expecting thin slips of paper with the words "no way" written in crayon."
Oz: "They're typing those now."
Willow: "I'm so overwhelmed. I got in! To actual colleges! And they're wooing me. They're pitching woo."
Buffy: "The wooing stage is always fun."

Willow: "Rejection I can handle 'cause of the years of training, but this..."
Xander: "I feel your pain, Will. Like right now, I'm torn between the fast-growing fields of appliance repair and motel management. Of course, I'm still waiting to hear back from the corndog emporium, so..."

Oz: "Well, if I may suggest... graduate. Getting left back, it's not the thrill ride you'd expect."

Cordelia: "That's so cute. Planning life as a loser? Most people just turn out that way, but you're really taking charge."
Xander: "The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone. Who, incidentally, won't be needing a higher education when she markets her own very successful line of hooker wear."
Cordelia: "Well, Xander, I could dress more like you, but, oh, my father has a job."
Xander: "I'm not gonna waste the perfect come-back on you now. But don't think I don't have it. Oh, yes, its time will come!"

Willow: "Chemistry's easy. It's a lot like witchcraft, only less newt."

Wesley: "I have, in fact, faced two vampires myself. Under controlled circumstances, of course."
Giles: "No danger of finding those here."
Wesley: "Vampires?"
Giles: "Controlled circumstances."

Buffy: "Is he evil?"
Wesley: "Evil?"
Buffy: "The last one was evil."

Buffy: "Is he evil?"
Giles: "Not in the strictest sense of the..."

Wesley: "Why don't you tell me everything about last night's patrol."
Buffy: "Vampires."
Wesley: "Yes?"
Buffy: "Killed 'em."

Wesley: "Swords... one long, one short?"
Buffy: "Mmm. Both pointy."

Wesley: "I didn't get this job because of my looks."
Buffy: "I really, really believe that."

Wesley: "Buffy, you will go to the Gleave's family crypt tonight and fetch the amulet."
Buffy: "I will?"
Wesley: "Are you not used to being given orders?"
Buffy: "Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says "please." And afterwards I get a cookie."

Faith: "New Watcher?"
Buffy & Giles: "New Watcher."
Faith: "Screw that."
Buffy: "Now, why didn't I just say that?"

Buffy: "Look, I know this new guy's a dork, but... Well, I have nothing to follow that. He's pretty much just a dork."

Faith: "We're Slayers, girlfriend. The Chosen two. Why should we let him take all the fun out of it?"
Buffy: "Oh, that would be tragic. Taking the fun out of slaying, stabbing, beheading."

Faith: "Tell me that if you don't get in a good slaying, after a while, you just start itching for some vamp to show up so you can give him a good -- (grunt)."
Buffy: "Again with the grunting."

Buffy: "What about the assignment?"
Faith: "Tell you what, you do the homework, and I'll copy yours."

Buffy: "Wait. Stop! Think."
Faith: "No. No. No."

Wesley: "These are all the diaries then, yours included?"
Giles: "That's everything. Knock yourself out. Please?"

Buffy: "I hate it when they drown me."

Wesley: "Remember the three key words for any Slayer: Preparation... preparation... preparation."
Buffy: "That's one word three times."

Buffy: "I have a chem test. So sad that I'm actually happy about that."

Wesley: "You're not helping."
Giles: "No. I feel just sick about it."

Wesley: "There you are."
Buffy: "Ah. Speak of the really annoying person."

Buffy: "Okay, we got ten, maybe twelve bad guys, and one big demon in desperate need of a stairmaster."

Faith: "When are you going to get this, B? Life for a Slayer is very simple -- want... take... have."
Buffy: "Want... take... have. I'm gettin' it."

Joyce: "They only don't have calories if I make them for you. Mom logic."

Mr. Trick: "Why do they always gotta be using swords? It's called a Uzi, ya chump. Could have saved your ass right about now."

Willow: "Give me time, and I may be the first Wicca to do all my conjuring in pine-fresh scent."

Wesley: "I didn't say you had emotional problems, I said you had an emotional problem. It's quite different."

Wesley: "Stay calm, Mr. Giles. We have to stay calm."
Giles: "Well, thank god you're here. I was planning to panic."

Wesley: "What is that thing?"
Giles: "That would be your demon. You know, the dead one?"
Wesley: "There's no need to get snippy."

Balthazar: "You know what I want."
Giles: "If it's for me to scrub those hard-to-reach areas, I'd like to request you kill me now."
Vamp: (snarl) (strikes Giles)
Giles: "Ow."

Wesley: "Are you out of your mind? This is hardly the time for games."
Giles: "Why not? They're going to torture us to death anyway."
Balthazar: "You're not wrong about that."

Balthazar: "A trade. Intriguing. No. Wait. Boring. Pull off his kneecaps!"

Wesley: "I can tell you everything."
Giles: "Be quiet, you twerp! They'll kill us both."
Wesley: "But I like to have my kneecaps."

Giles: "Look, tell you what. Let Captain Courageous here go, and I'll tell you what you need to know. How's that deal?"
Balthazar: There is one deal! You will die quickly, or you will die slowly."

Mayor: "Gosh, but I'm feeling chipper! Who's for a root-beer?"