Drusilla: "What will your mommy sing when they find your body?"
Boy: "I'm not supposed to talk to people."
Drusilla: "Oh, well I'm not a person, see, so that's just..."

Ms. Calendar: "It's a secret."
Giles: "What kind of a secret?"
Ms. Calendar: "Uh, the kind that's secret."

Giles: "How will I know what to wear?"
Ms. Calendar: "Do you own anything else?"

Giles: "Alright, alright, I put myself in your hands."
Ms. Calendar: "That sounds like fun."

Giles: "I've been researching your friend Spike. The profile is fairly
unappetizing."

Cordelia: "I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I
can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just
don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all
depressed."
Xander: "I think you mean 'oppressed'."
Cordelia: "Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, 'Let's lose some heads!'
Ugh, that's fair. And, eh, Marie Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna' let
them have cake."

Xander: "Who's 'friendly'?"
Buffy: "No one."
Willow: "Angel and a girl."
Buffy: "Willow, do we have to be in total share mode?"
Xander: "Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing something wrong, I wanna' know...'cause
it gives me a happy."
Buffy: "Hmm, I'm glad someone has a happy."
Xander: "Aww, you just need cheering up, and I know just the thing: crazed
dance party at the Bronze!"
Buffy: "Oh no."
Xander: "Very calm dance party at the Bronze?"
Buffy: "..."
Xander: "Moping at the Bronze."

Buffy: "This is great--well, I mean, it's hard--sudden move, all your friends,
delicate time--but let's talk about me."

Buffy: "It was terrible. I moped over you for months, sitting in my room,
listening to that Divinyls song "I Touch Myself"...of course, I had no idea what it
was about."

Buffy: "Hey, are you busy tonight? We're going to the Bronze. It's the local club
and you have to come."
Ford: "I'd love to, but if you guys already had plans, would I be imposing?"
Xander: "Only in the literal sense."

Xander: "This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends. Jeez, doesn't she
know any fat guys?"
Willow: "Oh, that's what that song is about?"

Willow: "Buffy, Ford was just telling us about the ninth grade beauty contest,
and the, uh, swimsuit competition."
Buffy: "Oh my God, Ford, stop that. The more people you tell, the more people I
have to kill."
Ford: "You can't touch me, Summers. I know all your darkest secrets."
Xander: "Care to make a small wager on that?"

Buffy: "You drink! I mean, drinks, non-blood things."

Willow: "That's Angel."
Xander: "He's Buffy beau, her special friend."
Ford: "He's not in school, right? He looks older than her."
Xander: "You're not wrong."

Buffy: "This is Ford. We went to school together in LA."
Angel: "Nice to meet you."
Ford: "Whoa, cold hands."
Xander: "You're not wrong."

Xander: "Okay, once more with tension."
Angel: "He just moved here?"
Xander: "Yeah, and boy does he move fast."
Willow: "Well, Angel, we could still play...See, you made him do that thing
where's he's gone!"

Ford: "So, that was your boyfriend?"
Buffy: "No. Uh, yeah. Maybe. Could we lay off the tough questions for a while?"

Ford: "What's goin' on?"
Buffy: "Um, uh, there's a--a cat...a cat, here...and, um, then there was another
cat...and they fought...the cats...and...then they left."
Ford: "Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire."
Buffy: "What?! What-ing a what?!"

Ford: "Couple more days and we'll get to do the two things every American
teen should have the chance to do: die young...and stay pretty."

Angel: "Unless you invite me, I can't come in."
Willow: "Oh, well, okay, I...invite you...to...come in."

Angel: "I guess I need help."
Willow: "Help? You mean, like on homework? No, 'cause...you're old, and you
already know stuff."
Angel: "I want you track someone down...on the 'net."
Willow: "Oh, great! I'm so the 'net girl."

Willow: "Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don't want to hear, do you
promise not to bite me?"

Angel: "Things used to be pretty simple. Hundred years, just hanging out,
feeling guilty, really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I
get jealous."

Willow: "Okay, but if there isn't anything weird--hey, that's weird."

Buffy: "Do you wanna' hang? We're cafeteria-bound."
Willow: "I-uh, I'm gonna'...do work in the computer lab on...school work...that I
have...so I...cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford."

Buffy: "Are you drinking coffee again, 'cause we've talked about this."
Willow: "Hahaha, ha--it makes me jumpy. I...have to go...away."
Ford: "Nice girl."
Buffy: "There aren't two of those in the world."

Giles: "Oh, uh...right then. Well, um, just remember if you--"
Buffy: "Go! Experience this thing called fun. I'll try not to have a crisis."

Willow: "I still didn't find anything incriminating."
Angel: "They leave no paper trail, no records. That's incriminating enough."
Xander: "Yeah, I'm gonna' have to go with Dead Boy on this one."
Angel: "Would you not call me that?"

Willow: "Boy, we blend right in."
Xander: "In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs."
Angel: "Let's look around. You guys check out downstairs."
Xander: "Sure thing, Bossy the Cow."
Willow: "Okay, but do they really stick out?"
Xander: "What?"
Willow: "Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb
and gone, 'Wow! That baby is sore!'?"
Xander: "You have too many thoughts."

Xander: "Are you probably noticing a theme here?"
Willow: "As in 'Vampires, yay!'?"
Xander: "That's the one."

Chanterella: "We welcome anyone that's interested in the Lonely Ones."
Willow: "The lonely ones?"
Angel: "Vampires."
Xander: "Oh, we usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones."

Xander: "You really are a people person."

Giles: "I--I've--I've always-I've always been interested in--in, uh...monster
trucks."
Buffy: "You took him to monster trucks?!"
Ms. Calendar: "I thought it would be a change."
Giles: "It was a change."
Ms. Calendar: "Look, we could have just left."
Giles: "Wh--what, and miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have
that."

Giles: "She was killed by an angry mob in Prague."
Buffy: "Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to, 'cause this girl's
alive."

Giles: "A book! It took one of my books!"
Ms. Calendar: "Well, at least someone in this school is reading."

Spike: "Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all
asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?"
Ford: "I know who you are."
Spike: "Yeah, I know who I am too, so what?"

Ford: "Uh, I'm pretty sure this is the part where you take out a watch and say
I've got thirty seconds to convince you not to kill me. It's traditional."
Spike: "Well, I don't go much for tradition."

Ford: "I wanna' be like you. A vampire."
Spike: "I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I don't really
feature you living forever. Can I eat him now, love?"

Xander: "Angel was in your bedroom?!"
Willow: "Ours is a forbidden love."

Buffy: "I'm sorry, Ford. I just couldn't wail 'til tonight. I'm rash and impulsive. It's
a flaw."
Ford: "We all have flaws."
Buffy: "I'm still a little fuzzy on exactly what yours is. I think it has to do with
being a lying scumbag."

Ford: "I don't think I wanna' talk anymore."
Buffy: "Yeah, well I still feel awfully chatty."

Chanterella: "This is a beautiful day, can't you see that?"
Buffy: "What I see is that right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his
friends are gonna' be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar."

Buffy: "I am trying to save you. You are playing in some serious traffic here, do
you understand that? You're going to die, and the only hope you have of
surviving this is to get out of this pit right now and my God could you have a
dorkier outfit?"

Spike: "When we get there, everybody spread out. Two men on the door. First
priority is the Slayer, everything else is fair game, and let's remember to share,
people."

Ford: "I'm sorry, Summers. Did I screw up your righteous anger riff? Does the
nest of tumors liquifying my brain kinda' spoil the fun?"

Buffy: "Now you let everybody out, or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray."

Spike: "Uh, where's the doorknob?"

Ford: "What happened?"
Spike: "We're stuck in a basement."
Ford: "Buffy?"
Spike: "She's not stuck in a basement."

Giles: "You mean life?"
Buffy: "Yeah. Does it get easy?"
Giles: "What do you want me to say?"
Buffy: "Lie to me."
Giles: "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true. The
bad guys are easily distinguished by the pointy horns or black hats. And, uh,
we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives
happily ever after."
Buffy: "Liar."