Chapter 7
A few more days passed. Buffy was having fewer hysterical periods and more episodes of what she called “her good dreams.” She would even wonder around the house some, mostly watching everyone else. She was tolerating most of the group during these episodes, but both Xander and Giles had to limit how much time they spent with her, and always had to have Willow or Dawn with them. Otherwise she would start to break down again and getting her back to her room without sedating her was impossible.
Spike and Willow were engaging in repeated shouting matches. Willow argued that they were using too much magic on Buffy, and that sedating her all the time wasn’t the answer. She also argued that since the only spell strong enough had to involve brief contact, she was becoming tired of her new bruises and that the trauma of them swarming Buffy to prevent her harming Willow was only adding to the problem.
Spike argued that it was the best way to keep Buffy from harming herself or others, that it allowed them to clean and redress her, and that nothing they did was going to make the problem better. He felt that the only thing they could do was keep her comfortable and take care of her, which she didn’t allow when she was awake. He also argued that seeing the Slayer in such a state was traumatizing all the junior slayers, who were already afraid she was going to slit all their throats.
Their last argument broke down into a shouting free-for-all. Everyone was screaming at everyone else as old feelings made themselves known. Everyone blamed everyone for everything. Giles leaving had been brought up, as had Spike’s previous attempted rape, Xander’s attempted rape when he had been possessed with a hyena spirit, Willow’s attempt to kill them all, Anya’s recent vengeance dealings, and Buffy’s sacrifice to save Dawn. It continued in what seemed to be a never-ending circle that failed to solve anything and left everyone feeling bitter and alone as they stormed off in separate directions.
Everyone spent the next several hours alone, throwing themselves into something that “needed” to be done at just that moment. Xander busied himself with repairs and fortifications to the house. Giles was instructing a set of potentials in the dining room. Willow was doing research in her room. Anya was preparing food in the kitchen. Spike had taken a group of the best girls for a patrol, and Dawn retreated to her room to write in her journal.
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Buffy had been awake since the huge shouting match down stairs. Things were all so confusing to her. All the shouting seemed so real. But she hadn’t been rescued had she? No, it was just more dreams, the ones she couldn’t help. Sometimes she dreamed of dying, of ending all the pain and resting again, or even of heaven. It was the demons and the things they did, and the fact the she couldn’t stop them. That was why he mind called up these dreams. But many of the dreams were so wonderful, with everyone caring and kind to her and each other. Everyone working together. That’s how she knew they were dreams. That never happened in real life.
Dawn told her once how Xander volunteered to go find and help Spike. She simply laughed at the story, knowing how impossible that was. Giles seemed the same as in real life, except he never touched anything or anyone, like The First. He had to be The First.
Everyone kept telling her she was safe. What a laugh! She would never be safe. They all seemed to want to help her very badly. They wouldn’t want that once they found out what was happening to her. Who would?
Then there was Spike. The dreams were kind of muddled when it came to him. Sometimes, he avoided her. Sometimes he just stared at her with such sadness. But there were dreams when she would let him just hold her. He would soothe her and tell her how strong she was and how sorry he was. But mostly he just held her, and she would feel his tears drop onto her face. That was definitely not real Spike. The Big Bad would’ve put his eyes out before letting anyone witness tears.
But they would come for her soon. It felt like it had been so long. How long had it been? She had no way to know, but it seemed like days. Weeks maybe. Surely it hadn’t been. Time was so strange when you were waiting for something. They would come. They always did. She just had to hold on until then, and enjoy the good dreams that took her away from there, from the things she couldn’t stop.
It seemed so quite now. Hardly any sounds at all. This was a strange dream, not real at all. In life, the house would be bustling with activity. Teenage girls couldn’t be quiet if their lives depended on it. Even the girl who was in her room was sleeping curled up in the chair. None of the others had dared to sleep. She laughed as she remembered that Spike had threatened to eat them in one dream. She needed to find someone. “No sense wasting a good dream,” she said as she rose from her bed and made her way down the hall.
She passed Dawn’s room and saw her sitting on her bed writing in her journal. She smiled. Dawn used to write in her journal a lot. She shivered as she passed the upstairs bathroom. No sense dragging that into this. She had enough bad things to face. She peaked her head into Willow’s room, to find her on her stomach with her nose buried in a very old looking book, many more books piled around her. Willow always loved research. She started to make her way to the stairs when the sleeping girl from her room came running out, looking very panicked, until she saw her standing there.
“Buffy! Oh thank God. Do you want to eat something?” The girl questioned. What was her name? She couldn’t remember. Buffy just shook her head. She never really was hungry in these dreams.
“Um, you want to go downstairs? It’s pretty tense, and I’m pretty sure Spike went on patrol,” The girl said hesitantly. Buffy contemplated going downstairs. She didn’t really want to do that either. But for some reason she was…
“Thirsty,” Buffy commented.
“I could get you a glass of water. Tell you what, you go back to your room where it’s nice and safe and there’s no sharp objects, and I’ll bring it to you,” The girl smiled hopefully as she tried to get Buffy to move back to her room.
Buffy looked at the sweet child. She seemed so afraid. They all were afraid. She should save them. Keep them all from The First. From living what had been her life and her calling.
“You shouldn’t be afraid,” Buffy said as she smoothed a lock of hair on the girl’s head and gave her a sad smile. “I’m going to save you all.”
The girl breathed out a small sigh.
Buffy knew there was nothing in her room she could use. In all her dreams it had been stripped of anything useful besides her bed, chair, and clothes. She couldn’t go downstairs, someone would stop her. They always did lately. Willow’s room would have weapons, but it also had Willow. Dawn’s room had nothing that would be quick. That left one room upstairs. The bathroom.
Buffy turned around and swiftly made her way to the bathroom door. She didn’t even pause as she opened it. She quickly scanned the room. The vanity held lots of things she could use. She would save this girl, and then the others.
“Oh my gosh, Buffy, you can’t be in here! Spike said we always have to take you downstairs!” The panicking girl explained as she followed into the bathroom.
“It’s OK,” Buffy calmly told her. “Now, come here so I can save you.” Buffy ordered as she reached out and took a glass and smashed it against the counter. She made a grab for the girl’s arm, as she picked up a larger piece of the glass. “Shhhh,” She consoled the struggling, sobbing girl. “You’ll like heaven. It’s warm, and soft, and...”
“Buffy!” Willow and Dawn shouted at her from the doorway.
“No, no, no,” The girl sobbed. “Stop! Please, stop. You’re hurting me, please!”
The words echoed in her mind. They had been uttered in this room before. By her. She had been crying too, and begging. Unintentionally, Buffy’s grip on the girl loosened and the girl wrenched her arm free and fled the room.
It was suddenly quiet again. But this wasn’t right. After last time, everything from the vanity had been smashed. There had been glass everywhere.
As Dawn and Willow started cautiously forward, Buffy swept everything off the vanity onto the floor, sending Dawn and Willow backward to escape her wrath just as the rest of the house appeared at the bathroom door. With enraged screams, she smashed everything in the tiny room that she could find to smash. Finally finding nothing more she could destroy, she sank down against the back wall. Still clutching the piece of glass she had threatened the girl with. Her feet and arms were covered in small scrapes, cuts, and blood from her rage and the debris. Surveying the damage, she assessed that now everything was proper. This was the way she remembered this room.
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