V
Spike couldn’t keep himself from staring at her. God, she was magnificent.
Despite the night’s reassurances, he’d awoken every hour, certain that she would have fled after she realized what she’d done. After the magic of the holiday was over; after morning had chased away the night, and brought with it the consequences of everything she had said. Everything she had done. Everything that she couldn’t run away from, or change.
But amazingly, every time he opened his eyes in a panic, she was still curled in his arms.
This was the stuff dreams were made of, he realized. A wish he’d whispered to the heavens god-knows how long ago, answered finally after so much pain.
She loves me, he thought. She really loves me.
Did he dare grasp the happiness flooding around him? Did he dare believe the PTB might have finally given him what he wanted? Did he dare eat a peach?
Did he dare disturb the universe?
Spike drew in a breath and ran a hand down her arm, pressing his lips to her brow.
Do I dare?
He brushed a few wayward strands of hair from her face and smiled lovingly at her sleeping face. For her, he’d gamble the world. She’d loved him the night before; there was no reason she wouldn’t love him now.
He kissed her brow again. “Buffy?”
She didn’t move. She was lost in sleep. Her naked body was pressed against his intimately; her left arm curled around his waist, her leg over his, her head resting on his shoulder. The feel of her pressed against him was enough to make him tremble with awe.
The night had been very good to him, but Christ, he wanted more.
“Sweetheart?” he murmured, sitting up. Buffy moaned and shifted at the movement, her arms subconsciously reaching for him but grabbing a pillow in her sleepy haze. He smiled at her, his lips grazing her shoulder. She looked so comfortable. So peaceful. As though she had not slept a night through until curling up in his sheets.
She didn’t belong in a hole in the ground. She belonged in sunlight.
He was just too selfish to give her up. He would be nowhere if he lost this.
The other blokes in her life might be the type who could be so self-sacrificial. Angel, after all, had left her because he knew there were things he couldn’t provide. But she couldn’t ever have normal. Spike knew that. Hell, she’d tried it, and look where that had landed her. Buffy wasn’t meant for normal. If she decided that he was the one she wanted, he was going to spend the rest of his unlife making sure she never regretted it.
“So sweet,” he murmured, lips grazing her shoulder. One taste, inevitably, led to an unquenchable desire to sample the rest of her. The previous night had happened so fast he hadn’t had the opportunity to even consider the million plus things he’d yearned to do to her. He’d always imagined it different. He’d always thought he’d be the seducer. He’d have to take considerable time to break down the barriers her former lovers had helped her construct. He’d bath her body with his tongue; worship her the way she’d never been worshipped. Show her the way it was meant to be between people who truly loved each other. How it was meant to be with a man who know what he had when he touched the woman he loved. He wouldn’t change the way it had happened last night for anything, but there was still so much to show her. He needed her to know that she would never, ever be taken for granted.
The miserable nights following her death had been accompanied with mocking renditions of unrequited fantasies—anguishing dreams in which she came to him, cupped his face, and whispered against his lips that she wanted to love him with her body. Now the dreams were reality. Now everything that he wanted was literally at his fingertips.
“I love you,” he whispered against her skin. There was liberation in the words. Freedom that he had considered a burden for so long. First with the realization, then with her rejection, then her calm but distant friendship, and her death. Her death that had nearly claimed him, too, were it not for a promise he refused to break.
Then she came back, and his world dissolved in tortuous bliss. He had her back, but he’d never truly had her in the first place. So he’d tormented himself by visiting her whenever possible. Watched that look overwhelm her eyes and know that anything he wanted to do to eradicate her pain would be rejected.
Only she started coming to him when he didn’t go to her. And last night—God, last night—she had blown away his fear. She had shattered the inadequacy he always felt when he looked at her. She loved him.
“Mmmm,” Buffy murmured, rolling onto her back. The sheet dragged down her body, bearing her breasts to his hungry gaze. He released a small, possessive growl, suckling a nipple between his teeth as his disobedient hands began to wander. “Spike…”
A thrill ran up his spine. She dreams of me.
“’m here, baby,” he rumbled, his fingers sliding over her pussy, cupping her intimately. “’m right here.”
“Ohhh…” Buffy released a heady gasp, her eyes flying open. And despite everything, Spike felt his chest constrict with impending dread. October was gone, the day had chased away the night, and now she was left to the consequences brought with morning.
But she loves me.
“Good morning,” he purred, his thumb sliding over her clit.
“Ahhhh.” She squeezed her eyes shut and thrust into his touch. “Morning.”
“Sleep well?”
“Mmmm…Spike…”
He grinned, pressing a kiss to the swell of her breast. “That’s not an answer, luv.”
“God, that feels good,” she whimpered, her right hand clutching his head. “Ohhh…”
Spike growled against her, his mouth wandering south. Her wetness ran over his skin, taunting his tastebuds, and the small whimpers that tore through her throat drove him completely out of his mind. He needed her like he needed blood; the way other men needed air and water. She was everything. God, he needed to show her that she was everything.
“Oh God!” she cried when he nestled his face between her legs. “Spike!”
“Need to drink you,” he murmured, nipping at her clit. “Need to make you come.”
“Ohhh…”
“Know we promised to talk, sweet.” He lapped at her with a devilish grin. “I jus’ can’t resist your taste.”
“No talk. More taste,” she agreed, arching into his mouth.
He chuckled richly, and she shivered at the vibrations that played through her body. “Fuck, you’re delicious,” he murmured, lapping his tongue up her slit as his fingers stroked her sensitive pearl. “Like baked apples.”
“Unh!”
“So beautiful.” He licked her outer lips, nibbling lightly on her moist folds as his fingers caressed her slippery skin. The whimpers and cries that rumbled through her throat were his opus; a symphony he’d longed to hear, played to perfection against the stillness of his crypt. Buffy was on his bed. He was buried in her delectable pussy, and she was moaning his name. Her body writhed because of his touch and her juices flooded his mouth. She was everywhere. She was the air he didn’t need to breathe and the blood that kept him alive. She was poured into every crevice of his existence. His tongue lapped at her eagerly, his arms curling under her thighs and anchoring her into his mouth. She was allowing him to drink the nectar of the gods. The taste of her set the still blood in his veins ablaze. There was nothing in the world like this. Nothing. And it was all his.
Mine, mine, mine, mine.
“Spiiiike,” she gasped, thrusting herself against his face. “Oh my God.”
“You’re incredible,” he whispered. “Taste so fucking good.”
“Ohhh…”
He licked her opening once more as his fingers abandoned her sensitive button. He met her smoldering gaze as she cried out in protest, staring at him in wide-eyed need. He didn’t wait. Couldn’t. Not while she looked at him like that. He slipped his middle and ring finger inside her, thrusting upward so that his index finger would strike her clit with every drive. And for a few seconds, he was content simply to watch her writhe. Watch the way she panted and begged, her pelvis arching into his touch in a wordless demand for more.
“You like that?” Spike growled, curling his fingers inside her.
“Oh God!”
“You’re gorgeous.” He leaned forward and licked at her nipples. “So fuckin’ gorgeous.”
“Spike! Spike…oh God!”
The sound of her crying out his name like that was nearly too much in itself. God, how often had he dreamt of this? Of being on the receiving end of her sighs and moans, her love and affection. She didn’t look away when his hungry eyes devoured her face. Didn’t try to fool herself into believing she was with someone else.
The accumulation of everything he wanted was right here.
Buffy licked her lips and murmured in approval as his mouth dropped to her skin once more, lapping a wet path back to her pussy. “Yes…Spike, please…”
“Mmm…love that. Beg me some more.”
She tried to glare at him, but her efforts died without struggle. “Please!” she gasped, thrusting against him.
He grinned and nipped at her inner thigh, his gaze trained on the sight of his fingers as they disappeared over and over again into her haven. Too soon he envied his hand for the cool manipulation of her body, and lowered his mouth again. He suckled at her labia, consuming every inch of her drenched flesh before returning to her engorged clit, his tongue circling her once, twice, before drawing the bundle into his mouth.
Buffy’s fingers threaded through his hair, massaging his scalp lovingly. “Spike…ohhh, God…”
Every whimper that escaped her went straight to his cock. He grunted ineloquently and flicked her with his tongue as he ground himself against the mattress. “Mmmm.”
“You’re amazing,” she gasped, her head flying back. “So amazing.”
The words made him tremble. His hand bucked against her as his mouth played her to release. He needed to taste her orgasm. Needed it to wash over him. Needed to know that he could give her just a bit of what she had given him the night before. That he could create paradise for her—he could give her what had been stolen.
“Oh, yes!”
It was only the beginning, Spike vowed as his teeth scraped at her sodden flesh. Only the beginning. He plunged his tongue back inside her tight, wet hole, groaning as her juices filled his mouth. He was never letting her go. He delved and drank. He fondled her to perfection, pulled away, then did it again. His mouth made love to her, rumbling his delight at her taste against the heat of her skin. He could stay here forever. Needing her. Worshipping her. Loving her. He found that perfect spot within her and stroked with vehemence until her muscles clamped around him, her thighs trapping his head, and her tremors reach their apex. He grasped her sweetly to hold her steady, and he drank her down with fervor as she cried out in euphoric release. She whispered his name with reverence; he consumed everything. Every mewl. Every arch. Her sobbing in pleasure was the sweetest music he’d ever heard. He felt ready to combust simply by watching her. By knowing that he could give her this; that he had the power to do this to her. It was everything. Every tear he’d shed, every death wish he’d uttered, every sobbing confession he’d poured over her grave—she was the answer to prayers he didn’t remember making. His Slayer was the picture of ageless perfection, and he was eternally hers.
Spike’s arms remained wrapped around her waist, holding her tenderly as her body spent its shudders. He rested against her stomach and drew her in, enjoying the feel of her fingers running through his hair. “Buffy…” he murmured into her skin. “Christ, I love you so much.”
He felt her tremble. “I love you, too.”
His eyes fluttered shut and a deep shudder quaked through his body. “You do?” he dared himself to ask, meeting her gaze the next minute.
A frown marred her beautiful face. She reached for him, cupping his cheek. “I do. I…I didn’t just say it to get what I wanted last night.”
“I know that.” He offered a half-smile. “’S jus’…feels too bloody good to be true.”
Buffy shook her head. “I love you. I have for a while…I was just too scared or too…I dunno. Too stupid. Too something to say it.”
“Scared?”
She blushed charmingly and glanced away. “I’m not saying my reasoning makes sense,” she said. “It’s just…everyone I’ve loved, or thought I loved has left me. Maybe I thought—”
That sealed it. The last stone fell into place. “Never leavin’ you,” he swore ardently. “Never. I can’t. It’d bloody well kill me.”
“Me too.”
He offered a loving smile and kissed her stomach. “Guess I’m jus’ waitin’ for the other shoe to drop,” he said. “Like you love me, but we can’t be together, or your mates can’t know about it, or—”
“No.”
“No?”
Buffy shook her head fervently. “No. It can’t happen like that. I love you and you’re a part of my life. I’m not hiding. I don’t care what my friends think.”
“Really?”
“They tore me from the one place where I’ve never…” She tensed and looked away, her hand finding his and squeezing hard. “I’m not going to let them take me away from the one man that’s ever helped my life make any sense. Be it as enemies or allies…or lovers.”
“I favor that last one, personally.”
She smiled. “Me, too. But…I don’t owe them anything. I’ve already died so that they can live…what more do they want for me? I’m so sick of living on a pedestal. They want me to be perfect…well, I’m human, so that’s pretty much out of the question. I can’t be perfect for them. I can’t be normal. I don’t know why I ever thought I could.”
“You wanted it, baby,” Spike murmured rationally. “You’ve wanted normal ever since I firs’ knew you.”
An incredulous snicker erupted from her lips. “Yeah,” she agreed. “What’s normal?”
“Boring,” he supplied.
“Well, I mean, normal is relative. I’m the Slayer. My normal isn’t going to be Jane Doe’s normal. I can’t have that…and if I did, yeah, I think I’d be bored out of my mind.”
“Like you were with Captain Cardboard.”
“Hey.” She scowled at him, though her eyes were dancing. “That’s not nice.”
Spike shrugged unrepentantly. “’m not a nice bloke,” he said. “Plus, I happen to be right. You, Slayer, were bored off your extremely bitable ass.”
“That’s beside the point.”
He arched a brow. “Is it?”
“Well, no, but my being bored wasn’t Riley’s fault. I should’ve seen it, but I was so determined to hold onto my stupid normal so that my friends wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that I was in love with another vampire.”
Spike froze and looked at her in awe. “Buffy?”
She smiled and caressed his cheek. “Well, to be honest, I was in denial for years.”
“So was I.”
“Yeah, but you had Psycho Woman to help you figure it out.”
“How’d you know about that?”
Buffy released a deep breath. “Dawn. Dawn and I have talked a lot about you…recently, anyway. Over the past few days…in my slow but steady reemergence into the land of the hellmouthy living. She’s told me everything you told her over the summer.”
“Bit should know better than yappin’.”
“She wants me to be happy. And you, too.” She paused. “Tara also told me some things. About how you were…how you’ve been. And other things, too. Like how you came by last year to leave flowers for Mom but Xander said it was—”
Spike scowled. “Yeh,” he said. “I remember. Don’ recall the Good Witch bein’ there, though.”
She shrugged. “Guess these are communal stories that they’ve told each other.”
“An’ what are you gonna tell them, then?” he asked. “’Bout us?”
“They don’t deserve any explanations.”
“Well, yeh, but…”
Buffy squeezed his hand and smiled. “I’m not going to keep it from them, Spike. You’re a part of my life. A big part.”
Hope filled his insides. “An’ what happens next?”
“I really don’t know. Like I said last night, this wasn’t exactly how I planned things to happen.”
Spike smiled. “Plans too often bugger themselves over, pet,” he murmured, prowling up her body slowly, eyes flickering with passion as his erection nudged her sodden folds. “Jus’ like I’m about to do with you.”
“Ohhhh…I think I like being buggered.”
He chuckled. “Not quite, though ‘f you’re up for it, I might get brave one night. Though you should use my words more often. Bloody adorable,” he decided, shifting upward just slightly, teasing them both as the head of his cock rubbed against her wet flesh. “Oh, God.”
“Get inside me.”
A brow perked. “So bossy.”
“Do it. A sexually frustrated slayer is a dangerous slayer.”
Spike smirked, slipping into her body with a sigh of completion. “Baby, with me, you’ll never be sexually frustrated.”
“So cocky.”
He withdrew and slammed into her again, relishing her cry as she arched into him. “An’ don’ you forget it.”
Buffy whimpered, her hands flying to his forearms, nails digging into his skin as her hips moved with his. She was so tight. So hot. So bloody perfect. “Oh, God,” she whimpered, her muscles contracting around him. “Spike…”
“You’re a goddess.”
She mewled and squeezed him again.
“Yeh, that’s it, baby,” Spike purred against her. “Dance with me.”
“Feels so good.”
“You, too. Like nothin’ I’ve ever felt before.” He slid his hands up her sides and cupped her breasts, watching her reverently as she arched into him. He moved in slow, indulgent strokes, relishing the feel of her walls squeezing his cock for everything he was worth. Of her head thrown back in pleasure, rapture flashing across her face that he had given her. “You’re so perfect,” he murmured, brushing a kiss over the nape of her throat.
“Uhh…” She scratched at his shoulders. “You’re not so…unperfect yourself.”
He merely grinned and laved a wet path around her nipple, his thrusts becoming harder. “You won’ find anyone else who does this to you,” he growled. “An’ if you try, I’ll rip his throat out.”
“Spike…”
“You’re mine, Buffy. All mine.”
“Yes, yes!”
He ground his hips into hers, his fingers slipping between them and finding her clit. “Say it.”
She forced her eyes open. “Say what?” she asked, an innocent smile fluttering across her lips.
Spike’s demon snarled in return, though his eyes lit up and a wicked smirk tugged at his mouth. “Oh, you’re gonna get it.”
“Promises, promises.”
He tugged at her earlobe with his teeth. “Say it!”
She released a soft whimper, her vaginal muscles squeezing his cock mercilessly. “Not like that, I won’t,” she sighed, though her tone lacked conviction.
“Villainous minx,” he growled, pulling out of her completely, swallowing her gasp of protest with a fiery kiss. He took himself in his hand and deliberately brushed against her sensitive folds, sliding himself against her curls, his balls smacking her pussy. “Say it.”
“Spike!”
“Not gonna give you anythin’ until you say it.”
She scowled at him. “You’re an egomaniac.”
“Yes, but that’s not what I want you to say.”
Buffy tried to hold her glare on him but whimpered instead, conceding with a fervent nod and thrusting herself wantonly against him. “Yes, yes,” she agreed, nodding. “I’m yours. I’m so yours.”
The demon growled and demanded fangs. Spike staved off his gut instinct, his awe-filled eyes soaking up her face. “Really?” The confident swagger of just a second ago had vanished. The words made his demand real. God, the words made everything so real.
“Yes! Yours. Forever. Please, Spike, stop teasing me!”
“You’re not jus’ sayin’ it?” he asked, voice trembling with need.
She expelled a long, tortured sob, her own hand sliding between them and cupping her pussy. “Please!” she pleaded, stroking herself. “Not just saying it. Love you. Love you so much. Please!”
Spike smiled and caressed her mouth with his, grasping her wrist and pinning her hands to the mattress as his cock slid back within her. “That’s all I wanted to hear, pet.”
She sighed in completion, her eyes finding his. “Ohhh…”
“Mine,” he murmured, releasing her arms, which immediately wrapped around his neck as his mouth found hers. He kissed her wildly without abandon, his hands cupping her breasts and his thumbs rubbing her nipples. The intensity of his thrusts grew feral, the sound of their smacking flesh filling the still crypt with passion he hadn’t known could burn so desperately. He’d known it would be magnificent between them, of course. He’d known that from the second he spotted her so many years ago, dancing at the Bronze. But God, he’d never known it could be like this.
He hadn’t known anything like this even existed.
“I love you,” he roared. “I love you.”
“Yes!”
Spike abandoned one breast to his mouth as his hand scaled between them, sliding over her clit and stroking her furiously. Her gasps scratched at the room, and suddenly she was coming. Her muscles tightened around him and her body spasmed, and her release crashed over him.
Fuck. I’m yours.
“Buffy Buffy Buffy,” he babbled, his fangs exploding in his mouth. “Need…I need…”
She nodded. “It’s okay.”
“Buffy—”
“Do it.”
His incisors sliced into her milk flesh, and he snarled into her as he spilled himself inside her welcoming body. His mouth was tempted again with words that he refused to release, his mind racing in eager compensation as his hips crashed against hers, her blood flowing in his throat.
Mine. You’re mine. Forever. For bloody ever. Never lettin’ you go. Mine!
“Yes. Oh yes.”
A shiver seized him and something within locked. Something unforeseen. Reluctantly, Spike withdrew his fangs from her throat and licked the wound closed. He rested his brow against hers, panting as the world was returned to him. If he lived a thousand years, he would never get enough of the feel of her flesh wrapped around his. Never tire of the bliss from her kisses, or the adoration glowing in her eyes. He kept meaning to show her Heaven on earth, but it was he who she admitted into paradise. Over and over again—a simple look, a fleeting touch. The love that shone through every glance she graced him with.
He wanted her forever.
“Mine,” he whispered against her lips.
“Yes,” she replied. “I told you.”
He smiled. “Love you.”
“Love you.”
A giddy chuckle escaped his lips, and he kissed her spontaneously. “I never thought…” He broke off, shaking his head. “God…best bloody night of my life.”
Buffy smiled lovingly and ran her hands through his hair. “Mine, too,” she whispered. “I can’t…” And then to his astonishment, her face crumbled into tears. The ambiguity of female hormones. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t…if I’d come back and you were gone. I don’t think I could…”
“Shhh.” He brushed a tender kiss across her forehead, rolling them to their sides. “’S all right, sweetheart. Won’t ever leave.”
“I know. I know.” She laughed shortly and wiped at her eyes. “Sorry.”
“Don’ be.”
“I didn’t mean to go all Hollywood Weepy Girl on you.”
“’F anyone has an excuse…”
Buffy laughed again and shook her head. “I feel like I’ve gone forever without crying,” she said. “For a while, I thought I’d forgotten how. Some things…the normal things feel like I left them behind.”
“They’re all a part of bein’ human, luv,” he told her gently. “There’s no bloody manual on how to recuperate after your friends rip you out of paradise.”
“There’s you.”
“Well, I’m taken. Any other birds whose friends are bloody idiots are outta luck.”
She flexed her muscles, squeezing his cock within her. “Damn right.”
“Ohhhh, fuck.”
“I want you to move in with me.”
Spike’s eyes went wide and he stared at her in astonishment. “What?”
Her cheeks rouged and she tore her gaze away. “I mean…if you want to, that is. Of course only if you want to. I know we just got together and you have a nice place already and it’s kinda against the vampire constitution to move above ground…but…I’d like you to move in with me. I feel more at home here than I do at home, but I don’t think it’d help my friends if I told them I was moving into the graveyard. Plus…kinda creepy. I don’t wanna be married to my work, you know?”
Her nervous rambling enchanted him. “Buffy,” he said softly, kissing her temple. “Is there any scenario runnin’ through that pretty head of yours in which I say no?”
“I just…most guys would look for the nearest exit if the girl asked them to move in after just one night of hot monkey sex.”
“’m not most blokes,” he growled. “I’m so in love with you it hurts, an’ if I can be near you…live in the same place—”
“But your crypt—”
“Sod the bloody crypt. It’s a mess an’ not worth keepin’.”
She quirked a brow. “Say we’re patrolling and I get very horny.”
“Best crypt in town, this is. Lovely place. Our weekend getaway, yeh?”
Buffy grinned. “I thought so.”
Spike smirked and kissed her. “What about the witches?”
She shrugged. “What about them? It’s my house, right? Says so in the deed that I had to sign after Mom died. So if they’re not gonna pay rent, they can find some other place to live.”
“You’re gorgeous when you’re authoritative.” He rolled onto his back, his cock slipping out of her, and they shared a murmur of complaint. “Come to think of it,” he said, grinning as she stretched across his chest. “You’re always gorgeous.”
Her cheeks reddened and she poked his side. “You’re a sap.”
“You love it.”
“I’m gonna make rent super cheap for Will and Tara. I’ll be the best landlord ever.”
“I have no doubt.”
“But we get the big bedroom. My house, my rules.”
Spike’s eyes danced. “You have no quarrel with me, baby.”
“Of course, getting up to tell them all this would require…well, getting up.” She poked her bottom lip out, casting her legs astride his waist. “Getting dressed.” Her small, skilled hand wrapped around his cock, stroking him gently. “Get all…unnaked.”
“Bugger that,” he growled.
“You have a better plan?”
“Yeh.” He slid two fingers inside her, eyes blazing. “’S called shag me silly.”
“Ohhhh.” Buffy licked her lips, her hips shifting over him so that he was positioned at her opening. “I like that plan.” They sighed together when she sank down, sliding his cock into her warm pussy again. The place where he belonged. “Though I do have to go home at some point.”
“Some point,” Spike agreed with a long moan, taking her breasts into his hands as she began to ride him. “Not now.”
“Not now.”
*~*~*
There was peace within her. Peace that she hadn’t thought the world had to offer anymore. Peace that she thought had died in place of her resurrection. Spike’s arms were around her, his body moving with hers. He gave her peace. He looked at her with love that took her breath away. He infused her being with hope. Perhaps there could be something to follow Heaven. An act so sublime, she couldn’t begin to comprehend its supremacy.
Perhaps.
They would have forever for everything else. To deal with her friends, to answer to her Watcher, to be the Slayer in the place of a world that had already one too many.
It was a cool November morning, and for the first time in what had seemed an eternity, her life was cushioned in solace.
She could almost swear she had awoken in paradise.
fin
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