"What the-" Giles cried as his front door burst open. Spike ran through, carrying what appeared to be an unconscious slayer in his arms. He’d been unable to sleep, probably because Buffy could be about to face something they knew very little about on her own, and was in the middle of making himself a cup of tea when he’d heard the intrusion.
Spike headed straight for the couch and placed Buffy on it carefully.
"What the bloody hell did you do to her?" Giles accused as he rushed over to examine the wounded slayer.
Spike rolled his eyes, he couldn’t even act surprised. "I helped her! If it wasn’t for me, she’d still be out in the woods for anybody to come across."
Giles ignored him, focusing his attention on Buffy and the gash on her head.
Spike took out a cigarette. He hoped she’d wake up soon. He wasn’t going anywhere until she did and her watcher wasn’t the best company.
***
Buffy’s eyes fluttered open slowly. Her head felt as though it weighed a ton. That, or she had a the world’s worst hangover. She didn’t remember drinking and she wasn’t nauseous, so she quickly ruled that out.
"She’s awake!"
She focused on where the voice had come from, finding Spike sitting at the edge of the couch she was lying on. "Spike?" she muttered, her throat dry and unused.
"Buffy? Come on, love, stay with me," he coaxed her pushing loose tendrils of hair off her forehead.
She groaned as she moved to a sitting position. "What happened?" she asked softly, looking up into his eyes.
"You hit your head," he told her with a smile, happy that she was finally conscious. The journey to the watcher’s apartment had seemingly taken forever, the only thing keeping him going was knowing her heartbeat was still strong and steady. It had been the longest couple of hours of his unlife, sitting there and waiting for her to open her eyes.
Willow, Giles and Faith all suddenly appeared in front of her. Willow thrust a cup of tea into her hand, telling her to drink it. Giles went straight to questioning her about Adam.
Buffy closed her eyes and brought a hand up to massage her forehead, the already massive headache escalating with her friends chatter. Feeling Spike move away from her, her eyes snapped open looking around the small space for the vampire. He was standing behind Willow and Giles. His head was bowed and he was looking at the floor but she could tell he was irritated by them just as much as she was.
He looked up and caught her staring at him. She gave him a small smile, knowing without being told that he’d once again helped her when he didn’t have to. He smiled back, slightly confused in the difference in the slayer’s treatment of him.
Buffy looked away from Spike to read the clock on Giles’ wall. "Wow, it’s late. How long have I been out?"
"A couple of hours," Giles told her, glancing down at his own watch before turning to look at Spike. "Sunrise is approaching, shouldn’t you be on your way?"
Buffy bristled at the indifference in Giles’ voice. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the vampire, too unsure of all the emotions running through her.
Spike tried to catch Buffy’s eye, but she was focusing on an invisible piece of lint on her sweater. "Yeah, I guess I should," he replied, his tone icy.
When she looked up a second later, he was already out the door.
***
Spike sat in his crypt, trapped by the daylight, flipping through the few channels his television got. With a sigh, he flipped back to the station he’d started at, knowing a rerun of Passions was about to start.
Without anything to distract him, his mind wouldn’t let him stop thinking about the looks passed between himself and they slayer that morning. When she’d first come to, the looks she’d given him could have passed for grateful and, if he was lucky, friendly. But as soon as her watcher opened his gob, she wouldn’t be caught dead trading glances with him.
She was infuriating!
When they were together, really together, nothing seemed to matter but them and the way they responded to each other. He could almost pretend her feelings for him ran deeper than purely physical. But then, no sooner had they finished than she was rushing off, disgusted with herself for allowing the evil, soulless vampire to be intimate with her.
If he was a stronger man, he could deny her what she wanted from him. Deny her the rush of sleeping with the enemy. Deny her the quick fuck he’d become every time she had an itch she couldn’t scratch.
But he knew he wouldn’t. Because even the smallest offering from her he would take without a moment’s hesitation. He hated himself for his weakness, for being love’s bitch yet again.
Taking a deep breath, he turned back to the television noticing his program had started. No sooner had he turned up the volume than he heard a soft tapping on his door. It opened slowly, just enough to allow the petite slayer entrance. She graced him with a tentative smile before closing the door behind her.
"Hey."
Such a small word spoke volumes. He was taken back, the nervousness in her tone surprising him. Usually when she called upon him, she was demanding and forceful. Never nervous. He could tell by her stance, this wasn’t the usual booty call.
"Feeling better?" he asked. Sensing this could be a long conversation he grabbed the remote and turned off the television.
She nodded, taking a deep breath. "I’m sorry. For, you know, back at the apartment."
"Not that I don’t love to see the mighty vampire slayer apologizing to the evil vampire, but what are you apologizing for?" he asked, raising a brow at her.
"Why do you do it?" She was staring at him with such uncertainty that it startled him a little bit.
"Do what?" He stood, just to sit on the arm of his chair facing her.
A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "Put up with me. Save me. Fight alongside me. Why do you do any of it when I’m such an ungrateful bitch to you?"
Spike really wanted to laugh. It was everything he’d been asking himself over and over again for the last
few weeks. But the same answer remained. "Because I love you," he told her seriously, making eye contact with her so there would be no doubt that he meant what he was saying.
Buffy stared at him, unable to process anything but the three little words that continued to run through her head. He loved her. She’d suspected he did. The way he held her after they’d had sex or the way he’d look at her sometimes when he thought no one was looking. She knew he had feelings for her, but love? That threw her off completely.
"I love you," he said again, wanting her to understand the magnitude of what he was telling her. "And I know you’ll never love me back, but that’s okay." He gave her a small smile of understanding. "Having you in my arms, just for a little while, makes all the other stuff worth it."
Fighting off tears, she couldn’t hold back a lone drop that slid down her cheek. How could he possibly love her? Everything she’d ever been taught since being called went against his words. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything for humans but anger and hatred. He wasn’t supposed to love anything but violence. But here he was, throwing himself on the proverbial cross, just to prove to her everything she’d ever known about this vampire had been wrong.
He stepped foward until he was standing in front of her. A few more drops of tears had accompanied the first, wetting her cheeks with tiny streams. He used the pad of his thumb to gently wipe them away, waiting for her to say something.
"It’s so hard," she whispered finally, looking up into his blue orbs. "I try so hard not to be with you. You’re everything I’m supposed to hate. But when I’m completely honest with myself, I know I could never hate you again." She paused, touching his cheek with her fingertips. "I do have feelings for you," she admitted. "It’s not love, though."
He looked down, nodding in acceptance of what he’d known all along.
She leaned foward, giving him a soft kiss. "But it could be. Someday. Maybe."
It was a crumb, but he’d take it. He’d take anything this woman would offer him.
Buffy dropped her head, exhausted. "Could you just hold me?" she asked in a small, lost voice.
Spike enveloped her in his muscular arms, drawing her close against his chest. He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head, knowing that someday it would be love for both of them.
***
"Is Buffy coming tonight?" Xander asked Willow as they walked through the alleys to the Bronze.
Willow shook her head. "Nope, I haven’t seen her all day. I left her a note in our room, but I don’t know when she’ll see it. She usually gets back from patrolling pretty late." Her face brightened, a smile forming on her lips. "But Tara’s meeting us there."
"You two have been spending a lot of time together," Xander replied. He was happy that she’d made a new friend at college, and the two seemed to be getting close, but he didn’t know Tara that well and felt uncomfortable around her.
Willow looked over at Xander nervously. Had Buffy told him about her and Tara? Not that it was some huge secret! She just wasn’t sure about her feelings yet and didn’t feel like the whole world weighing in on her decisions. She planned on telling Xander as soon as she and Tara figured out what exactly their relationship was. "Yeah, I guess. She’s so cool with the magic and everything. You guys will really like her once you get to know her a little better," she promised.
They exchanged a smile. "I’m sure we will."
"Hey guys!"
"Harmony?" Xander called out to the ditzy blonde approaching them.
"Wow, what a total surprise to see you guys here!" Harmony exclaimed when she got closer. "How have you been?"
Willow smiled uncomfortably. "Fine. I thought you were going to France after graduation."
Harmony waved her off. "Oh, that. Well, no I never got to go to France. Not yet anyway, I plan on going real soon!"
"Well good luck with that," Xander responded feigning interest. Neither of them could stand Harmony in high school, and she hadn’t changed at all.
"Are you guys going to the Bronze?"
Xander sighed.
"Yeah, were you headed there, too?" Willow asked. Xander sent her a look that said ‘what the hell are you doing?’. Willow shrugged, looking helpless.
"Actually I was gonna grab a bite before I went." She turned away from them slightly, and when she turned back, Willow gasped at the new ridges on her face.
Harmony lunged at Willow, grasping her tightly by the shoulders. Xander grabbed the cross he always carried in his back pocket, shoving it in Harmony’s face and freeing Willow from her grip. He held it at arm’s length, keeping the vampire away from them.
"Hey!" Harmony complained. "No fair. I’m gonna tell my boyfriend you were mean to me and he’s gonna eat you!"
Xander laughed through his fear. "Does this boyfriend have a name or is he ‘from another town and I wouldn’t know him’?"
Harmony rolled her eyes, annoyed that Xander would use something she’d said in the seventh grade against her when she was trying to kill him. "Uh, yeah his name is Spike and he’s a totally old vamp that’s gonna suck you losers dry!"
Willow and Xander stared as Harmony turned and walked away in shock. Willow was the first to regain the ability to think. "We need to find Buffy."
Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me a while to update, been busy with the holidays and the end of the semester! |
