Chapter 12
The sun shone brightly inside Spike’s mind. It was a beautiful day, bright and warm, with a light breeze to let everyone know that fall was around the corner. Buffy remembered this day oh so well. She was standing in the commons of UC Sunnydale, watching the Buffy of last year fighting Spike, Gem of Amara on his finger.
This was how Spike lost his chance to walk in the sun ever again. That was why he was reliving this memory. He’d been a god among vampires for maybe half an hour, then he’d lost it all.
He was in the middle of one of his speeches. It was amazing, when Buffy thought about it, how often he made speeches, and usually to her. She could remember the words of every one of them clearly. It had shocked her when she first realized that Spike knew as much about giving lectures as Giles. The idea wasn’t as outrageous to her now that she’d seen what a brainiac Spike was when he didn’t play at being a badass.
Caustic as his words tended to be, Spike’s observations were always spot on, something else that she valued in him. The ‘You’ll never be Friends’ speech to herself and Angel in the Magic Box was an insightful tear jerker that helped her see the need to move forward. The ‘History and Conquest’ tirade at the Thanksgiving Chumash attack might possibly have influenced her A minus final history paper during that first college semester. Then there was the sermon in the alley behind the Bronze a couple weeks ago…
She’d suffered his cutting words on innumerable occasions, but the rant this memory of Spike was on currently was the one she hated most. Not because he ridiculed her about Parker. He was right; she’d been naïve and innocent. She hadn’t known who Parker really was, any more than she’d truly known Angel when they first came together. Parker hadn’t deserved her brief affection, but she’d been too caught up in him to recognize that. Spike had seen, as he always did. Then he went a step too far.
Spike delivered a powerful kick to freshman Buffy, speaking in a superior tone of voice. “I wonder what went wrong. Were you too strong? Did you bruise the boy?” Right there. That’s where Spike lost this fight. It wasn’t bad enough to ridicule her history with men. He had to make her remember how strange and different she was. She was the slayer. A freak. “Come to think of it seems like someone told me that. Who was it? Oh, yeah. Angel.”
Her previous self jumped up and kicked Spike over a planter. She had him down in seconds, her hand on the ring. “Take it off me this way, we both burn.”
She hadn’t cared. She wanted him gone. “Really? Let's see.” The ring slid off and Spike howled in pain, running for the nearest sewer.
Her hatred for Spike had been at its peak at this moment in time. Mostly because he continued to force her to see realities she wanted to ignore. She was the slayer, something she should have accepted a long time ago. It was old news, but still it hurt sometimes to know that ‘normal’ was beyond her reach. She’d tried for normal. She’d dated Riley. But was Riley normal? He was an ex-super soldier getting suck jobs behind her back. If that was normal, she’d rather have the life of a slayer. Oh, wait, she did.
Buffy supposed what she really wanted wasn’t normal; it was the security she associated with normal. Things like friendship and love. Well then maybe she’d already reached her equivalent of normal. She had good friends, at least. Of whom Spike was going to be one. She had her mom and her sister. And her newly reinstated watcher. They all supported her, even if they didn’t always understand what she was feeling. They all loved her.
Except Spike of course. He didn’t love her. He was a vampire. Not that he couldn’t love; just that, what vampire in his right mind would love a slayer? For example: Angel. Split-personality, serious control issues with and without the soul. Not all there. Not that Spike was what she’d call completely sane.
Yet Spike was the one that knew her best. That was the real reason she listened to him spout his theories at her, even when he was evil. Because he understood what it meant to be her.
He had begun to treat her like a friend. What would it be like, she wondered absently, if he were to love her? It was silly. Even if she was starting to crush on Spike the tiniest little bit – ugh, she sounded like Dawn – it didn’t mean he would be interested.
*****Flash*****
Spike was standing on a rise above the college, staring down at freshman Buffy on patrol down below and talking to himself, “Watch your mouth, little girl. You should know better than to tempt the fates that way. ‘Cause the big bad is back, and this time, it’s...”
He was too intent on her to sense the masked soldiers creeping up behind him. One of them aimed his taser at Spike’s back, and fired. Buffy heard the wind rush out of Spike’s lungs as he hit the ground, stunned.
A pair of soldiers grabbed him, dragging him along the ground toward a van Buffy could see parked on the street behind them. They weren’t exactly gentle, and being bumped on the ground over and over forced Spike to rouse himself. Buffy followed along, watching as he took quick stock of the Initiative soldiers.
He kicked himself free of the pair dragging him just as they reached the van, but there were five others in the squad that ringed him. He was on his feet in an instant, kicking their taser muzzles away from him. Spike punched at their faces, kicked their knee caps, and dodged blows, trying to break through the circle they formed around him.
Seven against one wouldn’t have been so bad with regular humans. But the Initiative had been pumping these guys full of steroids for months, maybe years. One of them managed to bring the butt of his weapon down on the back of Spike’s neck. He stumbled, and they mobbed him. They couldn’t shoot him without the risk of hitting each other, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t beat the hell out of him.
Spike disappeared under the mounds of bodies, all punching and kicking him simultaneously. It looked almost as though he were being smothered by the black mass. Buffy caught sight of his arms and legs, flailing and trying to aim punches, but unable to make an impact.
She saw his head hit the ground, but they kept kicking him in the stomach. God, it was horrible. At last a voice Buffy recognized called out, “Whoa, whoa! Stand down, stand down. Dr. Walsh doesn’t like her specimens permanently damaged. Tranq him and get him in the van.” Riley, leading the troops. It wasn’t that he minded them beating up the vampire, just that Dr. Walsh might get angry. That was his logic.
One of the other boys pulled out a tranquilizer gun and aimed it at Spike. When he spoke, Buffy realized it was Forrest behind the mask. “Okay, Dracula. Welcome to the Initiative. ‘Cause you’re never gonna leave.” Then he fired, hitting Spike in the chest.
*****Flash*****
It was her old dorm room. The one she’d shared with Willow. College, like memories of Parker, seemed so distant. They were before Glory and Dawn, before her mother’s illness. Before she got over hating Spike.
Speaking of Spike. He was sitting on Willow’s bed…with Willow. This must have been how Spike discovered about the chip after he escaped the Initiative. Buffy could read the tension in his frame, his hands clenched on the blankets he was sitting on with Willow. The redhead had been crying recently, probably over Oz, since he’d left not long before this. “I don’t understand. This sort of thing’s never happened to me before.”
Willow didn’t look too scared, more puzzled. “Maybe you were nervous.”
Spike frowned, and shrugged. “I felt all right when I started. Let's try again.” He leaped suddenly at Willow, causing her to shriek, but pulled back when the chip fired. He tried again, but as before he couldn’t touch her without electricity shooting through his brain. “Ow! Oh! Ow! Damn it!” He stood, kicked the dresser, and started to pace.
Willow’s brow furrowed as she tried to come up with an explanation for Spike. Buffy had to smile. Here Willow was in danger of being eaten, and she still managed to be concerned for her fellow beings. “Maybe you’re trying too hard. Doesn’t this happen to every vampire?”
Affronted, Spike growled, “Not to me, it doesn’t!” His voice sounded panicked. Buffy didn’t blame him. She’d ridiculed Spike when he came to stay with Giles, happy about his predicament. But now it felt familiar to her. It reminded her a little of the Cruciamentum. She’d been a slayer one morning and then suddenly, with no explanation she’d lost her powers. She couldn’t do the ordinary things she’d been doing for years. And she’d only been a slayer for three years; Spike had been a vampire for over a century. How much worse was it for him after all that time to discover that he couldn’t be in charge of his own life any longer? That his means of survival was taken from him.
Willow spoke quietly, “It’s me, isn’t it?”
Spike paused his pacing. “What are you talking about?”
Willow looked almost as though she were about to cry. “Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. I--I... You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around.”
Spike snorted. “Piffle!”
Willow continued to babble. “I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It’s always like, ‘ooh, you're like a sister to me,’ or, ‘oh, you’re such a good friend.’”
Spike had probably figured out by now that Willow wasn’t actually anxious to be bitten, just acknowledged. He shook his head. “Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.”
“Really?” Willow sounded so hopeful.
Spike sat back down on the bed beside her. “Thought about it.”
“When?” Willow asked eagerly.
Spike mused for a moment, then smiled. “Remember last year, you had on that... fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?” Spike directed one of his sly smiles and as much charm as he could manage under the circumstances at her. Other than the fact that he was there to kill Willow, he was really being quite sweet. Buffy wondered if he recognized how rejected Willow had felt after Oz left. He probably did. He knew what that was like too well not to realize. And even though he was scared because he couldn’t bite Willow, he was still taking the time to comfort her. His prey.
The redhead perked up a little at his praise, in spite of the reminder that Spike had kidnapped Xander and herself in the memory he mentioned. “I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.”
He nodded. “Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fang-y and ‘rrrr!’ Takes the mystery out.”
Willow prodded just a little farther, seeking that last bit of reassurance. “But if you could...”
He nodded again, giving her another sad, nervous smile. “If I could, yeah.”
Willow put her hand on his arm. “You know, this doesn’t make you any less terrifying.”
Spike shook his head violently, tense jaw muscles revealing his fears as he stared at the floor, eyes wide and moist. “Don’t patronize me.” He paused for a moment. “I’m only 126.” Again Buffy felt the urge to touch him, reassure him.
“You’re being too hard on yourself.” Buffy heard the change in Willow’s tone from sincerity to distraction as Willow eyed the bedside lamp. Spike having been kind to Willow didn’t change the fact that he came there to eat her. “Why don’t we wait a half an hour and try again? Or...” She grabbed the lamp and smacked Spike over the head before running for the door. It was locked, but the Initiative saved her the trouble of having to unlock it by breaking in. Willow ran out. One of the soldiers pointed his weapon at her, but Riley ordered him not to shoot.
Spike charged out of the room, smashing one of the soldiers into the wall. He tried to bite the man but the chip kicked in. He struggled frantically as the soldiers piled onto him in a frightening reenactment of his initial capture. They’d caught him again. When he stopped struggling, the soldiers started a debate on whether or not to take Willow with them.
Spike waited for a few seconds then burst out of the arms holding him. He grabbed a fire extinguisher and hit the nearest commando over the head. One of them fired a gun at Spike, but he blocked the shot with the extinguisher. It exploded, giving him the smoke screen he needed to get away.
Buffy was unspeakably glad that he’d escaped. If Riley’s crew had recaptured him…it was too frightening to think about what they would have done to one of her favorite vampires.
*****
Please let me know what you think! Thanks to my beta, Linda! I’m sorry this has taken so long to get out, but school has started out busy and will probably just get worse. Please bear with me.
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