Spike was seated on the bench he and Buffy had made their own and watching the sunrise. This would not have been unusual, except that he'd been in a dingy, blood-splattered room in the mansion on Crawford Street just seconds before.
“You hear it now, don't you?” A female voice asked as a woman sat down beside him.
“Hear what, love?” Spike asked, trying not to appear startled at his sudden teleportation.
“The Music of the Dawn.”
It struck Spike suddenly, the beautiful thing that made his eyes water that he'd been hearing since Angelus had pulled the curtain away. It was music. It was the most beautiful music he had ever heard and so far removed from anything ever composed on earth that he did not identify it as such.
He stared back at the rising sun blinking rapidly to clear his eyes, “What is it exactly?”
“The sound of creation, of life. You can hear it now.”
Spike turned and studied the woman next to him. She had long curly brown hair and olive skin. Her face was very attractive, but not what he would call beautiful.
A sudden awareness hit him then, his definition of perfection was biased, it had nothing to do with true beauty. For him, Buffy was true beauty.
Spike had always had a level of self-awareness but this exceeded even his own expectations.
The woman smiled, she seemed to know exactly what he was thinking.
“What happened to me?” He asked, knowing she would know the answer.
“The Watcher told the Slayer and you overheard him. You enacted the oldest covenant for the very first time. All your sins have been forgiven and you have been granted a new path.”
“God forgave me?” Spike asked incredulously.
“Yes, I did.”
Spike froze because the truth of her words was unquestionable. Spike knew at that moment he was looking into the face of his creator. He knew she was responsible for everything that was just as he had known he was tied to Drusilla the second he'd clawed his way out of his grave.
“Um, no offense, but-“
“Why am I a woman?” God laughed and Spike felt quite sheepish, “Come on now, Spike. Part of you always knew. You worship women far too much to ever fall for that old line. It was always one of my favourite things about you.”
“You know me- I mean of course you know me, you know everything. I mean you have a favourite thing?” Spike felt himself relaxing despite his initial nervousness.
“Of course I have favourite things about you. You were always one of my favourites. When you were human you were pure beyond reason and when you were turned you made things very interesting.”
“But, I'm evil! Er, I was evil. How can you like me? Or forgive me for that matter?” Spike looked her full in the face and was amazed when all his doubts were wiped away.
“Can you define evil to me, William? Or good for that matter? You can't, really, because neither of them really exists as tangible things. Everything is about balance and you've always had more than your share of that. Do you think vampires would exist if they were not intended to?”
Spike scratched his head where the blood was still drying, “But that would mean that everyone I killed was meant to die that way.”
“Exactly. The human race is rapidly exceeded eight billion. Would you refer to disease as evil? How about forces of nature? Both were also intended by me to exist in the world. Everything is just about balance. All that has happened is that you have shifted which side you balance out. The Slayer is a balancing tool chosen by the Powers that work for me for the very same reason.”
Spike felt annoyed that his lover was referred to as a tool but his negative emotions were stripped away with the understanding in her eyes.
“Why do I understand?” he asked finally.
“Because you are meant to. In exchange for what you have done I have given you abilities you will need to continue to fight at the Slayer's side. You are a vampire and that cannot be changed because it would disturb the order of the universe and because it would make you less than what I need you to be.”
“What do you need me to be?” he wasn't sure how he felt about this.
“What you need to do is beyond man. Occasionally bad things need to be done for good reasons. Men are not strong enough. You have ceased to be merely a vampire, however. I've made you a vessel of me on earth. It has been a very long time since I've done this, it's really only been once before.”
Spike avoided the mention of what that comment brought to mind, mostly because he figured his knowledge would prove to be as false as his knowledge of a male God. He remained silent and listened to her explanation.
“ All that I have given you will not become evident right away, you need time to adjust. But I have something I need to ask you right now. First, you must know how long I've been waiting for someone like you. You have validated a few things I had begun to doubt.”
“You doubt?” Spike asked, stunned.
God smiled, “Occasionally. Second, you need to understand you will not be penalized for whatever you decide. You have earned everything I have given you and it will never be taken away.”
“O.K, you're starting to make me nervous now, love.” Spike smiled a bit hesitantly, “Can we skip ahead to the question?”
“You have a choice. The first is that you fight alongside your Buffy Summers until her death and join her in Heaven afterward for the rest of eternity.”
“Sounds mighty fine to me.” Spike nodded, knowing full well he'd never dared hope for such a thing otherwise.
“The second is that you continue on after her death, fighting alongside those that need someone like you just as much as she did. Either way, you join her in paradise.”
“When do I get to come up there in the second choice?” Spike asked.
“When the world ends.”
“Oh.” Spike fell silent, the enormity of his decision hitting him all that once. Part of him wanted to be selfish, say that the prophecies and nobility belonged to Peaches. Well, it did when he had a soul anyway.
But another part of him had learned more than he knew in his time with Tara, Buffy and the Scoobies.
He had learned first with Tara, that she was worth saving. He loved her and she was human. He didn't think it was possible for him after how he had suffered in society when he had been alive. He came to death's embrace hating humanity.
At first, Tara had been the only exception to the rule. Then he met Willow and discovered he liked her and wanted her around. Then he met Anya and Xander and Joyce and felt the same way. Then his feelings changed about Buffy. In the end, he loved six people and was actually coming to like the Watcher.
Which made him realize that these six people could not be the only people worth loving in the entire world.
Somewhere out there, after Buffy was gone, another little girl just like her would be facing monsters.
She might not have a Watcher as competent as Giles.
She most likely would not have friends as loyal as Buffy's Scooby gang.
Somewhere out there, there was a child that would need him when the time came.
And that's when Spike made his decision.
He didn't even need to voice it out loud. God smiled, “I knew you would. Remember, you are never alone. I don't converse with many beings, Spike. But I'll always be listening to you. Never hesitate to ask when you need to.”
And just as suddenly as he had left, he was standing by the window in the mansion, listening to the music of creation.
He looked around and noticed that no one knew he had gone anywhere.
* * *
Spike absently watched Willow and Tara assemble spell components and knew their hearts were not in it. But they did it because they felt they needed to.
They were casting the curse with its original intention of revenge, even if they were not aware of it.
Spike marveled at his knowledge of everyone's motivations.
He glanced over and focused on the Watcher, who was very concerned with getting a strong drink and researching the first covenant the moment he returned home.
Buffy wanted very much to go to him but was still ashamed of her own failure to protect him fully. Spike went over to her immediately and enveloped her into a warm hug, “It wasn't your fault, petal. You didn't know and you couldn't have done anything more.”
Buffy let a few tears fall as she watched Willow and Tara make circles of sand.
* * *
Once Buffy was calm, Spike looked over at Anya. She was standing as far away from where Xander was sitting as possible.
Xander had yet to speak to anyone, he had rebuffed Anya's attempts at comfort.
No one approached him. Not because they didn't want desperately to make him feel better, but because they didn't know how.
Anya was very worried about Xander and she was very angry with him at the same time. She kept running vengeance spells she wanted cast against Angelus through her head and people she could call to do them.
Spike walked over to where Xander sat, not needing his need empathetic ability to know exactly how he was feeling.
Spike said nothing and he just sat down on the floor next to him, close enough for their shoulders and legs to touch and just was simply there.
* * *
|
