“Do you think I should have staked Angel?” Buffy asked quietly, her head was pillowed on his chest.
“I think it was your decision and you made it.” Spike answered cryptically, “You followed your gut and made a choice and it's over. We can't debate it, it's done.”
“Xander hates me. Xander should hate me. You should hate me. I didn't kill him for you either.” Buffy's voice sounded dead and Spike didn't like that at all.
“Now, love, I promise if I want someone dead or dust I'll do it myself. I won't have anyone do it for me. I could never hate you, I could never even dislike you a little bit and neither could any of your mates. Xander needs some time, he'll move on eventually. I did.” Spike said calmly.
“We should go back down, the screaming stopped.” Buffy remarked, getting up and searching for her pajamas. “Sometimes I question every little choice I make and I never think I make the right one. Not completely anyway.”
Spike knew this bit was more of the spell talking, “ You make choices I wouldn't wish on anyone and you do what everyone does, you do your best. That's all anyone can ask of you. As long as the Poof's souled up, he's fighting the good fight in L.A and doing some good. As much as it pains me to say, maybe he's better off not burning in Hell for all eternity.”
Buffy smiled and opened the door.
“At least for now.” Spike muttered.
* * *
The screaming had stopped. Xander was cloistered on the couch determinedly watching television and keeping his mouth tightly closed. Willow was quietly crying while attempting to bake cookies through the tears.
Anya was sitting next to Xander in silence.
Tara and Giles were beyond tipsy they were in the full classification of drunk.
Spike was now wondering if their telling commentary was now based on the spell, or on the alcohol.
Willow started babbling into the oven, “I always screw it up! No matter how hard I try it's all gets ruined! Spike told me not to hurt anyone with magic and I didn't! I was trying to help!”
“You-you were controlling people with magic, it's the same thing!” Tara said unsteadily, swigging from the bottle again.
Spike deftly took the bottle away, “That's enough, pet. It's ten o'clock in the morning and you've already had enough.”
“You used to let me get drunk when-whenever I wanted!” Tara protested.
“Yes, and how often was that?” Spike looked in his liquor cabinet despairingly. How had they managed to get everything he liked? The only thing left was sambucca and, Spike shuddered at this, Crème de Menthe.
“See I just didn't take advantage. I got drunk for the first time with him, you know?” Tara informed a swaying Giles, “And I got stoned for the first time with him. He's responsible for all my debauchery. Thank God! Do you know how much my life sucked in Mississippi?”
Giles just burped in response and Buffy covered her face, “I am not seeing this. I am not seeing this. I'm totally uncomfortable with seeing Giles as a human being with human flaws.”
Spike shook his head at the lot of them, “How the reversal spell going, Red?”
Willow put down the cookie dough and started a fresh wave of tears, “I don't know! I don't know how to fix it! It was only supposed to affect Xander and I screwed it up it got everyone but you for some reason. And now Tara and Giles are all with the booze and I don't know what to do!”
Spike felt his heart soften and went over to give her a pat on the back. He found himself with an armful of sobbing Wicca, “There, there, pidge, it'll all work out. We'll sober them up by this afternoon and we'll find a way out of this.”
“I hate it when you touch girls that aren't me.” Buffy said suddenly, “I just want to just up and rip them to pieces.”
Both Willow and Spike stared at her and separated carefully.
* * *
After a great deal of coffee and a shower for each, Tara and Giles were feeling a bit embarrassed about their actions and set about creating a reversal spell.
Willow had made five different kinds of guilt cookies. Spike munched on a ginger snap and tried hard not to listen to Anya and Xander's conversation in the next room.
“I think it's ready. Actually, I know it's ready but I don't want anyone to think I'm too confident about my abilities.” Tara remarked.
“I really hope this isn't going to become a habit, but I think Willow will continue to do these things in the future, regardless of what we say.” Giles added setting the last candle in the circle of sand.
This almost started a fresh bout of tears from Willow but Spike gave her a firm look, “No more of that. You've said you're sorry. Now prove him wrong and don't let it happen again.”
“Why do you have to talk to her so much? Come over here and talk to me!” Buffy demanded suddenly.
Spike moved over quickly and stood beside her, watching the blonde witch and the Watcher perform the ritual. He was there to catch Buffy as she fell unconscious for the second time that day.
This time he didn't have reason to panic he simply went around making everyone comfortable until they awoke.
* * *
“I'm curious as to why the spell did not affect you, Spike. Do you think magic as a whole will not be able to touch you at all now, or do you think it was just because the spell was not directly specifically at you?” Giles asked, drinking another cup of coffee, still a bit shame faced. His notebook was open in front of him, turned to a fresh page and ready to record this new event.
Tara answered for him, “I think it's a bit of both. We've done calming rituals together and Spike responds even better than before. Spike's always had some magical talent, but the demon probably makes it hard to control. When I feel it go through him now, it's much more stable. I think spells with only work on him if they are directed at him and they don't intend harm. We tried a small hex and it didn't work at all, it just washed right over.”
“Fascinating.” Giles scribbled into the notebook.
“So, are we going to talk about your little drinking problem, Rupes, or are you just going continue until your liver fails and you have no contact with the outside world.” Buffy sat down next to Spike and gave Giles her no nonsense face.
Giles put down the pen and sighed, “I've just been feeling rather useless since the Ascension. My library's gone, I thought being a man of leisure might be a nice break, but I'm bored out of my mind.”
“The Slaying research isn't enough?” Buffy asked feeling horrible for not noticing her Watcher's downward spiral.
“Not really, no. Though these recent events regarding Spike have certainly kept me occupied.” Giles remarked, staring down at the lined pages.
“Well, you're totally in charge of that now!” Buffy folded her arms, “We're going back to your apartment and we're pouring out every drop of alcoholy goodness and you are on the straight and narrow, mister. We totally need you! All this stuff with Spike, someone has to figure it all out.”
Spike already knew most of what they were trying to suss out, but opted to keep that quiet, if it kept the Watcher sober then it could only be good. And there were things about the new developments that Giles might enlighten him on.
He wondered briefly, if he should mention his encounter with the Dream King but dismissed the idea. Giles might assume it had all been a dream; he might scoff at Spike's assertion that it had happened for a reason. The Watcher would never think he was important enough to warrant such attention.
Truth be told, Spike himself didn't think he was important enough for that.
* * *
Tara and Willow had gone to bed, Buffy wanted a bit of space to absorb what she had revealed that day so she patrolled alone. Before she left, she said she thought what had been said needed to be said, she was just nervous about having actually said it.
Anya had gone home promising to return the next day to talk to Xander.
So that left Xander and Spike alone in the house. Spike entered the living room with snacks and drinks like he always did, like nothing at all had changed.
He sat down on the other end of the couch and felt Xander looking at him while trying not to look like he was looking at him.
He knew what the boy was afraid of he could feel it pouring off him in waves.
He was afraid Spike would be angry about the comments he had made. Angry about the sexual nature of them and about how that sounded considering what they had both escaped a little more than a week before.
He was worried Spike would never be comfortable around him again.
“Just so you know, Harris, my ass is exclusively Buffy's from now until forever.” Spike remarked casually and watched Xander choke on popcorn. He patted him on the back helpfully.
“I-I didn't mean- I just- I'm just confused and-“ Xander suddenly started laughing hysterically and he couldn't stop. The laughter gave way to sobbing shortly after and Spike found his arms unexpectedly full for the second time that day.
Once Xander had calmed down considerably and even the hitching breaths slowed, Spike decided to try to explain things as best he knew how.
“I know and I get it. None of what happened was your fault, you know. Angelus didn't choose you because he picked up on any weird vibes you were letting off. He didn't choose you because you were going to be a substitute me, even though he made it seem that way when I showed up. He chose you because he knew it would destroy you like it did me, like it does everyone. Rape is not something you ever get over, not really. He knew that even if you escaped before getting eaten you'd never be the same. You'd never look at men the same again. You'd be afraid all the time, everyone would be suspect and you'd never sleep the same, or eat the same.”
“Is that what happened to you?” Xander asked quietly, his voice steady despite the rapid heartbeat Spike could hear.
“I was already ruined, mate. Angelus wasn't the first, even though he thinks he was and he'll never know. It would give him way to much power over me. I already hated humanity when I was turned, Xander, I had good reason but it wasn't very hard to just kill them after the things they'd done to me.” Spike's voice took on an accent that was more reminiscent of Giles than Spike's usual North London lilt.
Xander had a feeling Spike did not want to talk about who was the first to do those things to him, so he opted to just move on, “I never thanked you for what you did.”
“It's all right, mate. Better me than you. We'll save your virgin ass for Anya, I'm sure she knows her way around a strap-on.” Spike said with a grin.
Xander just stared at him, wide-eyed, “A what?”
* * *
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