A/N I am so sorry for how long it took me to get this chapter posted. I was so busy for the first couple of weeks I kept putting it off and then when I went back and tried to start this chapter I was completely blocked up on it. I want to say thank you to all of you who have given me such wonderful reviews and comments. You have no idea how truly wonderful they are and how much it brightens my days. There will be more journal entries in the next chp.
Also thank you very much Tam and Megan for continuing to encourage me and the wonderful beta work you do. *hugs*
Chapter Four
Wesley sighed in relief upon finding the phone number he needed for the Slayer in his electronic address book. He was once again grateful that the battle weary Scoobies had stopped in LA for a few nights after defeating the First, and that Giles was still prepared for anything. The old Watcher had decided it a necessity for each of Angel’s people to know how to get in touch with any of the former residents of Sunnydale, and had called to give them all the new cell phone numbers as soon as they had them.
He shuddered to think of what might have happened if he’d had to ask Angel for it. There would be too many hard questions to answer, and avoiding suspicion until he was able to let Buffy know that Spike was alive and what Angel was up to was his top priority.
Deciding it would be for the best to make his call from outside Wolfram and Hart, he found Harmony and told her that he was going out for lunch. Angel wouldn’t find it unusual, and this way he could be positive that no one would be listening in on his call. He wouldn’t put it past the senior partners to have the entire LA crew under a magnifying glass while they were in the building. It was even possible that they were under surveillance twenty four hours a day.
Once he was sure nothing looked out of the ordinary, Wesley poked his head into his office to tell Spike that he’d be back in about an hour and asked him if there was anything he might want from the coffee shop near by. Certain that everything was in order, the ex-watcher slipped into the elevator. All the way down, he practiced what he planned to say to Buffy, struggling to find the perfect words.
Stepping through the door of the Java Hut, Wesley placed his order and then found a secluded table in the corner. Taking a few deep breaths, he tried desperately to calm his nerves. The fear he felt at meeting his first Slayer years before seemed to well up from nowhere, even though he was no longer the sniveling little council puppet who’d tried to force a smart, brave young girl to conform to what he was taught she should be. In a burst of clarity, he knew there would be more discussed than Spike, Angel, and the journal. He had some apologizing of his own to do, never having told her how sorry he was for being a weak ponce that believed every falsehood his father and the council had taught him.
Wesley reached into his pocket and grasped his cell phone with a sweaty, trembling hand, praying to the Higher Powers that he wouldn’t crack under the sudden stifling heat before he told the young blonde everything she needed to know. He didn’t know how Buffy could still turn him into the scared young man he used to be. It wasn’t like he’d ever harbored any feelings for her other than contempt as her watcher and then understanding as he began to find his own way in the world, but he had to admit she intimidated him. Telling her that the vampire she’d considered her soul mate wasn’t as perfect as she thought he was, and that the other vampire whom she’d had a relationship with and believed dead was back from the dust was something that might have her ready to kill the messenger.
Slowly, he dialed the number as droplets of sweat began to form on his upper lip. He’d mentally tallied the time difference and knew it to only be around nine pm for her, but that didn’t mean she’d be in any kind of position to talk. She might be patrolling at that moment. Oh well, time to dive in. This was far more frightening than he’d first thought it would be. With the first ring he was tempted to hit end and cancel the call all together, but then Spike’s awe-filled face and the pompous actions of Angel filled his mind and he knew this conversation with the Slayer was a must. The little noise indicating someone had answered the line had Wesley cringing with doubt as he listened.
“Giles, I told you- I’m on it! Kill the immortal. Got the message the last three times. Now, let me do my work,” Buffy screeched into her cell, not looking to see who was calling since Giles had already phoned so many times in the last hour.
“Um yes…well, Miss Summers, this is Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. Do you have the time to speak with me? If you’re otherwise engaged I could always phone again later?” Wes spluttered, a little hopeful that their conversation might be put on hold until a more opportune time for the Slayer.
“Oh, hey Wes. Sorry for the rudeness, but Giles is trying to drive me crazy today for some reason. I have plenty of time, so talk away. What’s up? Is this like apocalypse type stuff?” Buffy rambled, a little stunned to be hearing from one of the LA crew.
“No, nothing of that magnitude, Miss Summers. It is important, but more of a personal nature. However, there are parts of it that I’m sure you will find unsettling,” Wesley replied as he tried to decide what to tell her first.
“Okay, this doesn’t sound like it’s gonna be a party, but go ahead and spill. And call me Buffy, I’m not some little old lady, you know,” Buffy teased even as her stomach began to knot. Wesley never called her. Well, not since he’d been her watcher, and for it to be something personal it had to be about Angel. Maybe he’d gone off the soul wagon again.
“Angel, with the resources of Wolfram and Hart, started an excavation of the Sunnydale crater. We thought it would be a good idea to make sure the Hellmouth was sealed, and if we found any items that people might want, we could try and return those things,” Wes said gaining confidence as he spoke, knowing this was in fact the right thing to do.
“We have uncovered many boxes full of assorted items and have been going through each one to see if any were of a mystical nature before turning them over to other people in the firm to find their owners. You see, Buffy, while I was looking in one of the plastic containers, I found a journal that belonged to you. I only read the first two pages thinking it might be one of your Slayer related accounts, but as soon as I found that it was your private writings, I closed it and took it directly to Angel for safe keeping.” Wesley’s voice faltered for just a moment before he cleared his throat, trying to muster the courage to tell her what Angel had been up to.
“You’re kidding! You really found something of mine? I can’t wait to see it. Please, send it to me right away. Oh wait, you don’t have my address.” Buffy excitedly bounced around her living room. This was great news. Why had Wes been so nervous when she first answered the phone and what bad could come from something like this?
“Miss…I mean, Buffy, that’s not all I have to tell you,” Wesley interrupted. “You see, upon giving Angel your journal, which, if I may say, seemed to be your writings during the last year you lived in Sunnydale, he took it upon himself to read it even after I told him it had nothing to do with slaying. He seemed to think it was his right to delve into your personal life, and although I suggested we call you and tell you we found it, he dismissed me.”
“WHAT?” Buffy yelled. How could he do that to her? How could the man she thought so highly of treat her with such disrespect? “How long has he had it, Wes? You should have called me immediately,” she insisted.
“He has only had it for a couple of hours, I assure you, and I did call you as soon as I could get out of the building without raising suspicions. I’m truly sorry to be the one telling you all of this, but I believe Angel’s ego has taken control of his better judgment. I have noticed many things about Angel lately that I find very disturbing. I think his notion that he is the Power’s champion has given him the idea that he is all knowing and everything he does is sanctioned by them. He has no idea that I have gone behind his back to call you and I fear it would incur his wrath if he finds out. You must understand, Buffy, he was my greatest friend at one time, and I always thought he would do what was right no matter the circumstances, but as of late his actions have proven me wrong,” Wesley sighed regretfully.
“I’m sorry, Wes. I didn’t mean to get all growly and demanding with you. I know how close the LA team is to each other, and for you to be calling me to tell me this…well, I really appreciate it. Don’t say a word to anyone else, but I’ll be coming there to get my property in the next day or so. I really don’t care if Angel reads the whole damn thing, but he won’t like what he finds, especially when he gets to the parts about him.” Buffy made no attempt to hide the smugness in her voice.
“If that’s everything you needed to say, then I better run and get everything in order. I’ll call you back as soon as I know when I’ll be landing in LA,” Buffy said as she thought about how fun it was going to be to kick Angel’s nosy ass.
“Buffy, wait. I’m not finished yet,” Wes shouted, afraid she’d disconnect before he could tell her about Spike. If she showed up without him informing her of that little tidbit, she’d kill him.
“There’s more? Has he done something worse, Wes?” Buffy demanded. Once again her stomach began rolling with fear of what he might say.
“This is only remotely related to Angel. I think you should sit down if you’re not already. What I have to say will come as a shock and I don’t want you passing out,” Wes replied.
“Oh, God. I thought you said it wasn’t the end of the world kinda stuff earlier,” Buffy sighed dejectedly, throwing herself down on her couch and hoping she wasn’t going to have to sacrifice anyone else for an apocalypse. She was still grieving for Anya and Spike. One more loss and she wasn’t sure she could live. As it was now, just breathing was excruciating without Spike by her side.
“No, no, really, it’s nothing like that. In fact, I’m hoping this will be happy news for you, but please let me explain before interrupting. I need to tell you the whole story and some of it won’t be easy for me,” Wes told her as he prepared himself. He was going to tell her everything, including how he himself had treated the blonde vampire before seeing who he really was.
“I’ll try. Can’t make any promises, though,” Buffy warned.
“A few months after the destruction of the Hellmouth, Angel received a large envelope. Inside was the amulet that Spike had worn to stop The First. Angel dropped it to the floor, and you can imagine our amazement when a swirling vortex burst from it. Within seconds a screaming Spike had formed in front of us.”
“Wait! You said Spike? What do you mean…Spike?” Buffy stammered. This was some kind of cruel joke. Wes must want to die. If Spike was alive, she’d know. She’d feel it and he would have let her know.
“Yes, Buffy, I said Spike, and please, no more interruptions. I told you it would be a shock and I’m sure parts of this will be difficult for you to grasp, but I am telling you the truth. He wasn’t whole at first, you see. He was completely non-corporeal- some sort of apparition. He knew everything that had happened up until the point of his death, but he couldn’t touch or move anything. In fact, the amulet had him tied to Wolfram and Hart itself. If he tried to leave, he would get pulled right back. I can assure you his first thoughts were of all of you. He wanted to know everyone was okay. In fact, the first thing he wanted to do was find you, but the amulet wouldn’t allow it and Angel certainly wouldn’t tell him very much. Spike has been our ghostly annoyance for a little while now. I have to admit I wasn’t very welcoming. Angel kept warning all of us to not trust him, that no matter what his actions had been in closing the Hellmouth, it was undoubtedly for selfish reasons and he probably didn’t know it would end in his death.”
Wes sighed, his voice heavy with guilt as he continued. “I didn’t bother getting to know Spike and was as rude as most everyone else, with the exception of Fred. She’s a sweet girl and sees good in everyone, so she believed Spike was worthy of saving. Fred found a way to make him corporeal again, but we were attacked by an evil spirit and instead Spike used the machine to save her instead of himself, even though he knew there was only one chance. I should have seen then what type of person…or, well…vampire he was, but I continued to let Angel influence me. Fortunately, a package came for Spike yesterday and when it was opened, we were shocked to find him suddenly corporeal.”
The line was silent, but Wesley was positive that Buffy was still there.
“The reason I want you to know all of this, is because I’m afraid Angel has convinced Spike that you never really cared for him and that he should leave you to have a normal life. I believe that Spike is now afraid to contact you. He wants you happy above all else, and with Angel constantly spouting this type of garbage, I believe he has come to think that knowing he is alive would only make you miserable,” Wesley stated. He wanted to give Buffy a chance to take in what he’d said so far before telling her of the time he’d spent with Spike in his office.
Buffy’s breathing was erratic and her heart pounded against her chest. Spike was alive. Spike was alive and un-ghostly. She was ecstatic until she realized exactly what Wes was telling her. Spike was afraid she wouldn’t want him. How could the idiot think that? Damn it, she’d told him she loved him, but like everything else in her life, she’d left it too late and he really didn’t believe her.
The nerve of Angel presuming to know what she felt! He was really gonna get it when she got there. Nope, there was no time for all the responsible adult stuff. She’d just make Dawn pack and get the next flight out. She had one dark broody vampire’s butt to kick and another’s to slap for being stupid and then kiss until he believed her.
“Thank you for telling me all this. Can I ask what changed your mind about Spike?” Buffy breathed out shakily.
“I think I knew in the back of my mind that most of the things Angel said about Spike were heavily biased. Spike was in Angel’s office when I took him your journal. I didn’t pay any attention to him at the time, but after the things Angel said, I decided I needed to get to know Spike for myself and went looking for him. He was in Fred’s lab chatting.
“I made up a reason for us to spend time together by asking him to help me search through more of the items from Sunnydale that were in my office. We talked and he asked me a few things, knowing I had read the first pages of you journal. He wanted so badly to know if you really ‘saw him’ there at the last, and asked me if I thought you’d hate him if he read only the parts of your journal that had to do with him. I saw how he expected me to react in his eyes; he was positive that I would condemn him for even thinking about it. Buffy, I have to tell you; this man truly loves you and if you feel nothing for him, I think it would be best if you stayed away. But if you do care, then he needs to know.” Wes didn’t bother to hide his protective attitude towards the vampire and his voice was quite harsh.
“Spike and I found a photo album. Not all the pictures are there, and it is not in the best of shape, but it is yours as well. There are photos of your mother, Dawn, and yourself in it. I gave one of you and Dawn to Spike. He had tears running down his face when I left him,” Wesley told her solemnly.
“Wes, I do care for him very much. I can’t believe he let Angel convince him I wouldn’t want to know he is alive. Thank you again for telling me all of this. I’m glad Spike found a friend and that you care enough to ask me to not hurt him. I can faithfully promise you that I won’t. I have to go now. I want to be on the next flight out. I’ll call you back when I know what time we’ll get there,” Buffy sniffled. Spike still loved her. She was going to get him back and make up for everything that had made him believe she couldn’t love him. This was a gift and she sure as hell wasn’t going to give it up.
“Goodbye, Buffy, and I hope you have a safe flight,” Wesley said and then disconnected with a smile. At least one man was going to have his dreams come true. Maybe he should tell Fred how he really felt? At least then he’d know for sure.
With a spring in his step, Wesley happily made his way back to the evil law firm. He was positive all hell was going to break loose as soon as the blonde spitfire of a Slayer landed, and after witnessing Spike’s pain, he could only hope Angel’s would be as severe.
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