“Are you hurt? You’re not moving so well.”
“Get out.”
“We have to talk.”
Buffy shook her head in the negative. “We really don’t”
“Well this isn’t just about you as much as you’d like it to be,” Spike said shutting the bathroom door.
“You spoke. I listened. Now leave,” she replied folding her arms over her chest.
Spike looked her in the eye, the expression on his face tender.
“I’m sorry. Not that it matters anymore now. But I needed you to know that.”
“Why?”
“Cuz I care about you.”
“Then you might want to try the not sleeping with my friends.”
“I didn’t go to Anya for that. I was looking for a spell.”
“You were going to use a spell on me?” Buffy asked in disbelief.
Spike sighed. “It wasn’t for you. I wanted something, anything to make these feelings stop. I just wanted it to stop.”
Spike looked down and sighed again.
“You should have let him kill me,” Spike said under his breath, the anguish evident in his voice.
“I couldn’t do that,” Buffy whispered.
“Why?” He glanced back at her, his face hopeful.
“You know why.”
“Because you love me.”
“No I don’t.”
“Why do you keep lying to yourself?”
Buffy who bent over turning the water off in the bath spun around and faced him.
“How many times—I have feelings for you. I do. But it’s not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love.”
Spike laughed and shook his head.
“Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love… Is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and it consumes…”
“Until there’s nothing left. Love like that doesn’t last,” she said cynically.
“I know you feel like I do. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”
Spike moved around in front of her, agitated.
“Spike, please stop this.” Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Let yourself feel it.” Spike closed the distance between and them and put his arm around her waist.
“No.” Buffy pushed his arm away.
“You love me,” Spike said attempting to hold her.
“Ow, no. Stop it!” Buffy tried to push Spike off of her but he held steady.
“You love me,” he insisted moving closer still, trying to get his arms around her.
“Spike, stop! Ow! What are you doing? Ow!” Buffy started to get scared. Spike was acting totally out of control. He kept trying to grab her and she kept slapping him off. His movements became frenzied as if he wanted his hands all over her. He was trance like; he didn’t even realize he was hurting her.
“Ow! Oh!” Buffy fell backwards trying to escape him. Her hands grabbed a hold of the shower curtain and it gave way, she fell on the side of the tub hurting her already injured side, the shower curtain still in her hand.
“Let it go,” Spike said reaching for her and trying to kiss her. “Let yourself love me.”
“Buffy. Buffy.” Spike said his hands on either side of her head. He tried desperately to kiss her.
“Spike NO! Ow! I’m hurt!” Buffy tried to say.
She tried to move away from him and landed on her stomach, Spike got on top of her and tried to gather her up. He laid on top of her, pinning her hands to the ground. The look on his face was purely animalistic as if his demon was in control.
“Stop! Ow! Stop it!” Buffy cried.
“I knew you felt it..when I was inside you.”
Buffy grunted, trying to throw him off. “NO NO!”
She succeeded in kicking him off but he grabbed her legs and pulled her back to him. He flipped her around and got on top of her again pinning her hands above her head.
“Please. Please!”
“Spike! Please stop!”
“You’ll feel it again Buffy,” He said getting in between her legs.
“Spike please, don’t do this.” Buffy twisted her head side to side trying to get mobile. She struggled against him, wanting desperately to be free.
“I’m gonna make you feel it!” Spike roared his face full of anger.
“Stop! Please stop!” Buffy screamed.
Spike ripped at her robe, trying to get it off of her. Buffy screamed louder, grabbing at his hands. She got a leg up and kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying into the wall. A shelf loaded with knick-knacks fell to the floor, shattering.
Buffy got up and pulled her robe together. She turned and looked at Spike, pure ice in her eyes. Spike got up and looked at her, his face blank, his mind asking him what the hell just happened.
“Ask me again why I could never love you.”
“Buffy, my god. I didn’t mean..” Spike’s voice trailed off full of remorse.
“Because I stopped you!” Buffy’s eyes were full of tears as she clung to the material of the robe. “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
*~*
It was a little over two months later. Buffy stood in the same bathroom, wearing the same robe. In her hand was a pregnancy test, its two lines bold and clear in the answer window.
“No way.” Buffy put the stick down and looked at the directions again.
“When there are two lines present in the test window you are pregnant. If one line then not pregnant,” Buffy read aloud. She glanced back down at the counter top where the test was laying. The two lines were still there and if possible they got even darker.
“NO WAY!” she screamed knocking the test and the directions into the trash. She went to the door to open it and ended up slumping against it and sliding down to the ground.
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you. You know I do,” Spike replied, his face light with love.
“Tell me you want me.” Buffy took a step closer to Spike.
“I always want you,” he breathed. “In point of fact..”
“Shut up.” Buffy looked at him and then grabbed him, kissing him deeply. Spike pushed her down on the sarcophagus and got on top of her. His lips and body telling her what words could not.
“What am I going to do now?” She said as she hugged her knees to her chest.
*~*
“I’ll just come right out and tell them. It won’t be as bad as I think. They are my friends, they love me. It can only get better,” Buffy was telling herself as she walked through the door of the Magic Box. She walked inside the room and down the step coming to halt in front of the table.
“Ok guys what I have to say can and will be shocking. But just know I’m alone in this and I need your help.” Buffy looked up and saw her friends and sister staring at her.
“What’s up Buff?” Xander asked. The others looked at him and nodded turning their attention back to the blond haired slayer.
“I’m pregnant.”
“What?” they all yelled. Xander fainted.
“Xander?” Willow asked as she crouched down over him. The rest of the scoobies crowded around.
“Oh for Christ’s sake just slap him,” Anya said getting on her knees and slapping Xander hard across the face.
“Ow!” Xander cried opening his eyes. “I thought we weren’t gonna do the slapping anymore Anya.” Xander looked at Anya whose face was red with anger.
“What happened? Cuz all of sudden I feel very weird. Was it a dream? Did I just dream Buffy said she was pregnant? Am I going crazy?” Xander asked getting up and looking confused.
“Xander I am pregnant.” Buffy rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips.
Xander sent shocked eyes her way.
“Buffy do you know who the father is?” Tara’s quick voice asked her.
“It’s Spike’s,” she said receiving all sets of eyes on her again.
“How can that be? He’s a vampire. Can’t get pregnant from a vampire,” Willow rambled.
“Willow this is the hellmouth not Disneyland. Anything is possible here. Besides he is the only man I have been with since I have been back,” Buffy said referring to her death, she silently sat down at the table next to her sister. Dawn reached out and smoothed Buffy’s hair.
“It’ll be ok Buffy. We’ll help and all take good care of the baby,” Dawn said positively smiling at her.
“Yeah Buffy we are all here for you. Anything you need we will are there,” Willow said looking around at everyone. They all nodded at Buffy and smiled.
“Does Spike know?” Xander asked.
“No.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“How would I do that Xander? I don’t know where he is.”
“We could do a locating spell,” Willow chimed in.
Buffy shook her head. “No. Things were not good when he left. Don’t make him come back. He will when he is ready.”
If at all, Buffy thought.
*~*
It was hard in the months that followed the news of Buffy’s pregnancy and the disappearance of Spike. Buffy’s friends really rallied around her and helped with everything. Dawn took Buffy baby clothes shopping. Willow and Tara cast spells around her to keep the baby safe as she continued to slay. Xander attended the Lamaze classes as her coach and built her baby furniture for her. Her father even helped out by sending her and Dawn money each month. Which was a shock and surprise to both the Summers girls, Buffy didn’t want to take it but knew there was no other way. No one would hire a woman who was far into her pregnancy.
Giles was called soon after she found out how far along she was in her pregnancy. They asked him questions about how could a vampire get someone pregnant. Giles did some research and told them this just happened. There wasn’t a prophecy or anything on it. That it was just meant to be. The moon and planets had aligned in the right positions making it possible for the vampire to be able to produce children. Buffy calmed down after that, knowing she didn’t need to worry about her child being a demon or anything of the sort.
When she was asked who the father of her baby was she would say his name is William and leave it at that. Just William and that he had gone away and she didn’t know where he was. When they asked if he knew about her baby she would say no, because if Spike had found out before he left, he never would have left at all.
She had a lot of time to think while she was pregnant. She found herself contemplating a lot while on patrol or sitting up late at night with her cravings and insomnia. She began to understand why things happened the way they did the last time she saw Spike. She understood it wasn’t him that made him do what he attempted to do. She understood he didn’t know what he was doing, that he was running on pure desperation. That he loved her so greatly and so intensely that it was overwhelming.
She didn’t forgive him for trying what he did but now knew why it occurred. She also realized that he was right. She did love him. She was numb and in pain from being back on this earth after she had known the love and comfort of being in heaven. What was amazing still was that he, Spike, a vampire, was the only one she could even stand to be around. He was the only one who could make her feel.
She would catch herself talking to her stomach and telling her baby all about it’s father. That even though he wasn’t with them, that he loved them very much. She had no idea if or when Spike was coming back but she dreamt of him often. He was always apologizing about what happened and was full of remorse. Buffy would welcome him in the house with a nod and a smile that told him she knew and that she understood him.
Seven months later as Buffy was giving birth to their child, she screamed, begged and pleaded for him to be there just so she could kick his undead ass.
“He has missed out on this whole pregnancy!” Buffy screamed as she pushed.
“He should be here. I should be biting him and not you,” she yelled looking at Xander.
Xander who had incurred most of the injuries in the delivery room backed away, holding his much bitten arm.
“It’s ok Buff. I can help from back here.” Buffy rolled her eyes and called him a sissy man under her breath.
“One more push Ms. Summers,” The doctor in between her legs said. The room got ghostly quiet as Buffy pushed, her face turning red. Everyone seemed to hold his or her breath until at last a cry was heard.
“It’s a girl!” The doctor said proudly holding the squalling infant in his hands.
Buffy cried out and smiled, silent tears running down her face. The baby was washed and wrapped in a clean blanket and finally the baby was handed to her.
“Hello little one,” she whispered smoothing the tuff white blond hair from her forehead. The baby heard her mother’s voice and stopped crying. She opened her crystal clear blue eyes and stared at her.
“My god you look just like your father,” she mused as she pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“Mmm I know what you are thinking. You want to know what your name is, don’t you little one? If I was a good mommy I would have had you named by now wouldn’t I have? Well how about Katie? Does that work for you? Katie Amber Summers.”
The baby looked up at Buffy and yawned, raising her tiny fist in the air as if to say that was fine with her. Buffy cooed at her as Katie fell to sleep in her arms.
Buffy watched her sleep, her tiny chest rising and falling with her breath. She smiled at her as a tear made its way down her face.
“I promise you Katie that I will be the best mommy in the world. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever. I’m the slayer damn it, no one touches my baby. I love you sweetie.” Buffy pressed another kiss to the baby’s head and held her close, promising all the things in the world to her.
*~*
Meanwhile somewhere on the other side of the world Spike had been fighting to the death. His chest and back were scratched and bleeding. His face was swollen and dirty. He lay on his back his eyes closed.
“You have endured the required trials.” A chilling voice said.
“Bloody right I have.” Spike struggled to get to his feet. Finally he was able and he stood, tall and proud. “So give me what I want. Make me what I was, so Buffy can get what she deserves.”
“Very well,” the demon replied.
“We will return your soul!” The demon’s hand shot out and landed on Spike’s chest. Spike cried out as the point where the hand was and his eyes glowed, returning his soul to his body.
*~*
Spike didn’t even remember how he got back to Sunnydale. But there he was two years later back in his old crypt. Clem had kept his promise and had left it nice and clean. He even stocked the fridge with blood and beer before Spike had come home.
Spike had been in agony since the return of his soul. He was seeing everyone he killed, hearing their voices in his head, feeling the pain of their death. He felt remorse for every single one of them that he had killed or caused pain to. It was over whelming, it drove Spike to the point of insanity. Half of the time he would be talking to voices in his head and scaring the hell out of the people around him.
He went out at night, not straying too far from his crypt fearing that he would run into Buffy. He didn’t want her to see him yet. He wanted to wait until he had the right words and a sane mind to face her. What he felt when he thought about what he almost did to her in that bathroom drove him to nearly staking himself. The pain so intense that he knew even death wouldn’t make it go away.
He glanced down at himself, disgusted at the dirt and grime that marred his frame. He made his way down the ladder to his bedroom and into the makeshift shower he had. While he was washing his hair he made a decision that he would see Buffy that night. She didn’t need to know he was there; he just needed to see her and make sure she was ok.
Little did he know things had changed dramatically since he had been gone.
*~*
“Ok Katie, hold on Mommy’s coming,” Buffy said from in front of the stove where she was warming the baby’s food.
“Mama Mama?” Katie said as she walked unsteadily into the kitchen.
“Honey I said I was coming with your yummies,” Buffy said smiling and picked Katie up in her arms.
“Kiss,” Katie demanded puckering her lips out. Buffy laughed and kissed her beautiful daughter.
“Who’s Mama’s baby?”
“Me!” Katie yelled as she flung her arms around Buffy’s neck.
Buffy laughed and finished getting Katie’s dinner ready. Together they went to the dining room table and sat down, Katie in her high chair. She was 15 months now and very curious. She was into everything, things she should be in, things she shouldn’t be in. Buffy chalked it up to being just like her father. She looked just like him. Her blond hair getting whiter and whiter making Buffy wonder if Spike even bleached his hair. Her eyes were still that deep blue that would change according to her moods.
She found Katie giving her looks so were so much like Spike that Buffy would look for him around the house. Katie would cock her head and say Mama as if she didn’t believe what Buffy was trying to tell her, another Spike characteristic. Buffy would roll her eyes and pick Katie up and swing her around, their laughter ringing through the halls.
Buffy took pictures of everything Katie did and had them scattered in various frames around the house. The living room was literally littered with everything Katie, top to bottom. Katie’s new favorite thing was Dora the Explorer and she would watch it religiously. She was afraid of Oobi and didn’t understand how hands could talk like that. Buffy would try to show her but Katie would end up crying. So Dora it was and boy was it. Dora and Boots covered every inch of the house.
The only ones home tonight were Buffy and Katie. Dawn was out at a friend’s house. Willow and Tara were living together in Tara’s dorm and Xander was out on a date. Buffy relished the time she had alone with her daughter. It was so amazing to her that she had this little person who was hers. Dawn was her sister, but Katie was hers. She made Katie. She would gaze upon her while she slept and fall more in love with her with every passing moment.
After Katie had finished dinner they sat down on the couch to watch a little tv. Katie had dozed off in Buffy’s arms and Buffy put her down on the couch, covering her with a blanket. She was just about to start cleaning the toys when the doorbell rang. She glanced quickly at the slumbering baby and went to the door. She opened it and looked outside.
“Hey kid,” a man said coming out from the blanket of shadows.
“What are you doing here?” Buffy demanded her eyes adjusting to the sight of the Whistler in front of her.
“I’ve got the answers to the questions you have been asking.”
Buffy looked at him blankly then it dawned on her what he meant. She took a cautious look at Katie and then back at the half human/half demon.
“Your watcher has been digging through various books looking for reasons why you have gotten pregnant by a vampire. But its not in any books, it wasn’t written or prophesized. Your daughter was made out of love. Whether you wanted to admit it or not you loved Spike and you still do.”
“Yes…” Buffy breathed.
“You know that wasn’t him in your bathroom.” Buffy nodded as the Whistler continued on. “It was the powers that be messing with him, making him look like a monster in front of you even though you had seen through him. You saw his soul Buffy and he didn’t even have one. They wanted to mess with you, to test your love. You didn’t waver Buffy. Do you want to know where he is?”
Buffy shook her head no, her lips mute.
“He has been enduring trials of pain and anguish to win back his soul.”
Buffy stared at the small of stature man in disbelief.
“His soul?” Buffy barely breathed, the thought had not even crossed her mind.
“He was always different. Even without his soul he had more humanity then Angel ever had. They sent you two vampires slayer. One you would share young love with. The other you would love eternal. They gave you two and made you decide. You picked the one they didn’t think you would. You picked Spike.”
Buffy closed her eyes processing the information she had just received. When she opened them the Whistler was gone.
“Damn. Always was a wily fellow.”
Spike’s heart was reeling at seeing Buffy for the first time in over a year. He thought for sure she would see him standing outside the windows watching her and her daughter. Her daughter, he couldn’t believe it. Buffy had a baby. It broke and warmed his heart all at the same time.
Well what did you think was going to happen mate? Things didn’t end too bloody well between us, he thought as he flicked his lighter and lit another cigarette. The flame illuminated his face as he glanced back up at the house. Buffy was in her room in her window staring down at the tree Spike was standing under. Spike gaped at her in the moonlight and then remembered she wasn’t supposed to see him and darted behind the tree.
Up in the window Buffy looked down at the tree puzzled.
Did I just see Spike? Buffy thought as she scanned around the perimeter of the tree. Buffy shook her head and closed the curtain, never noticing the amount of cigarette butts littering the tree’s trunk.
*~*
Spike hurried back to his crypt and slammed the heavy metal door. He slumped down in his chair and closed his eyes. If his heart could beat it would have broken through his chest and landed, pounding on the stone floor in front of him.
Spike wondered who the guy was. If he was good to them and treated them right. If he would take them shopping and get them ice cream. If he loved them unconditionally. Spike got up grabbing the bottle of scotch next to the tv. He took a swig of the vile liquid and swallowed it, its warmth traveling down through to his abdomen.
“I don’t deserve her. I never deserved her. Even with my bloody soul.”
Spike sighed and brought the bottle to his mouth again, all intent of making himself sloppy drunk to drown out the screaming of his heart.
*~*
Buffy tossed and turned all night long. Her dreams were filled with Spike and the whistler’s words. It was 6 am when she finally dragged herself out of bed. She called Willow and asked if she would come over and watch Katie, that she needed some air. While she waited for Willow she threw on some jeans and a pink hooded sweatshirt. She went into the kitchen and was getting all of Katie’s breakfast out when Willow walked through the back door.
“Hey Buffy.”
“Hey Will. Thanks for doing this for me. I really need to talk a walk.” Willow looked at Buffy with concern.
“You ok?”
“Uh Yeah. I just need to walk,” Buffy said shrugging at the look on Willow’s face.
“Spike dreams?”
Buffy glanced at Willow and nodded once.
“Ok..take your time. I don’t have classes today so I can play with Katie all day,” Willow smiled and went to hug Buffy.
“Thanks Will.” Buffy smiled and hugged Willow back. “I’ve got my cell in case you need me.”
Buffy let go of Willow and made sure she had everything out before turning to the door and walking into the bright sunny morning air.
*~*
Buffy didn’t have a destination in mind when suddenly she was standing in front of Spike’s crypt. Her heart started to pound a steady and fast beat as she raised her hand to open the door. She hadn’t been to his crypt since she was 7 months pregnant. She had gone there to see if there were any signs that he had come back, to get his familiar smell around her. To look for something that would comfort her and her baby.
Buffy took a deep breath and opened the heavy door. It swung open with a squeak. Buffy’s eyes adjusted to the darkness of the crypt as she walked in. The only sounds were that of her breathing. Buffy moved deeper into the cement housing and looked around. Nothing was out of place. All was in order but something was different. Buffy could feel it. She could smell that un-mistakable scent that was her vampire. It was stronger then it had been before. She ran her hand along his chair, the material tickling her fingertips. She remembered the last time they had been in the chair. Their naked limbs tangled together as she sat facing him, their lower halves thrusting together.
Buffy smiled and circled the chair, her hands sliding over the fading fabric. Those were the times when she knew she was falling in love with him but fought it so desperately. Not wanting her friends to give her grief over yet another vampire. Even though he was everything Angel wasn’t and everything he was.
Buffy left the chair and headed to the ladder that connected his downstairs bedroom to his main area. She peered down into the dark antechamber. She wanted to go down but knew she would end up sitting on his bed crying. She backed away from the ladder and started for the door. She got to the tv and remembered something. She reached inside her sweatshirt and pulled out a picture. Buffy smiled and put the picture on his tv. Turning around she gave the crypt one last look and opened the door.
*~*
Spike waited until he couldn’t hear her footsteps anymore and finally pulled himself out of the sarcophagus. He had barely made it inside the cement tomb when his door had flung open. He knew it was Buffy. He could smell her from miles away. His eyes caught site of something on top of his television and he went to it as if drawn by a magnet. It was a picture of Buffy and her daughter sitting by his tree and smiling in the bright afternoon light. He held the picture closer to his face so could look at every last detail of the pair. Buffy’s daughter was beautiful. She had slightly curly platinum blond hair put into two small pigtails and striking blue eyes that even in the picture he knew she would look right through him. Her face was unmistakably like Buffy’s, her nose and mouth an exact replica. But her eyes, the shape and color struck something deep within him.
He turned the picture over in his hands and was surprised by writing on the back.
‘Katie Amber Summers
and Mommy sitting under
Daddy’s tree waiting for him
to come home’
Spike blinked and read the caption again. It read the same as it did before, the words the un-changing. Spike flipped the picture back over and looked again. His eyes rested on Katie and he began to understand. Her hair was the exact color as his just not as curly. Her eyes were the same shape as his only hers were just a tad bluer. Spike didn’t even realize he had started to cry until a tear landed on his daughter’s face.
“I have a daughter!” he said aloud clutching the picture to his chest.
*~*
Spike had decided enough was enough he had to see Buffy. So there he was again under his tree smoking a cigarette and pacing. He looked like a maniac with all his arm and hand gestures. He didn’t realize he was being watched until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Spike jumped and spun around.
“Geez Red you bloody well scared me.”
“Sorry Spike.” Willow looked him up and down, noticing there was something different about him. “How are you?”
“Fine, you?” Spike eyed her cautiously.
“You know me all goodness and light.”
“Glinda?”
“Oh she’s good. We are all with the goodness having,” Willow said gesturing to the house.
“Red…”
“Spike…”
They both stopped and looked at each other.
Spike gestured for her to go first.
“Where have you been? Buffy’s been really worried about you.”
Spike’s head shot up and he looked at her trying to decide if Willow was lying.
“I had something to take care of.”
“I sure hope you are done. You’ve been gone for over two years.”
“T’was important.” Spike took a drag from his cigarette and threw it on the ground, his black boot squashing it into the dirt. They both noticed some commotion in the house and turned towards it as the front door opened.
“Will? You out here?” Buffy’s voice rang out.
“Yeah…” She said to Buffy. “You coming in?” the last was directed at Spike who was looking longingly at the house.
He swung his eyes towards her and opened his mouth to say something when Buffy called his name.
“Spike?”
Spike’s blue eyes pierced through Buffy as she walked up to them.
“Slayer.” He gave a curt nod.
All Buffy wanted to do was run to him, throw her arms around him and tell him how very much she loved him. But she didn’t, she held off. Willow saw the way they were looking at one another and walked into the house unnoticed.
“When did you get back?” She asked.
“A couple days ago.”
“Oh.” Buffy couldn’t say she wasn’t disappointed but then after what had transpired between them before he left she couldn’t blame him for keeping his distance.
“Do you want to come inside?” Buffy asked touching his arm.
Spike jerked his arm back as if burned. Buffy looked startled and slightly hurt.
“Maybe that’s not a good idea,” He said.
“Oh.”
“We could take a walk though.” Buffy smiled and nodded.
“Let me just tell Willow where we are going.” Buffy ran to the house and spoke to Willow, kissed Katie and grabbing a jacket she ran out to join Spike.
They had walked in silence for the better part of ten minutes, just looking at the ground as they walked, their arms brushing occasionally. They were nearing a small park when Buffy broke the silence.
“Spike..I just wanted to say….I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Why?”
“Because of the way I treated you when I got back. The way I was when we were…….I’m just sorry.” Buffy stopped and longed to touch his face but didn’t dare. He was soo skittish about her touching his arm she didn’t know what he would do if she touched him again.
“I’m the one who’s sorry Buffy. I can’t imagine what would have happened…” Spike trailed off and his eyes lost focus. “If you hadn’t stopped me. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m so very sorry Buffy. I’d never hurt you.”
Buffy nodded as her eyes welled up with tears.
“I know. I know..” she whispered, silent tears falling down her face.
Spike moved closer to her and put his hand on her cheek, his thumb wiping her tears away.
“It wasn’t you, you know that right?” Buffy asked him as she unconsciously turned her face to his palm.
“It was like watching a movie. I saw me but it wasn’t me all at the same bloody time. I saw everything he-I did and all I wanted to do was rip the head from that wanker’s body.”
“No, I mean it really wasn’t you. The powers that be were messing with you, influencing your demon. You had absolutely no control over yourself and what you were doing.”
Spike pulled back just short of pulling her forehead against his.
“What do you mean? How do you know?”
“The whistler came to see me a couple of nights ago. He told me all about what the powers that be had planned for me. They saw how you and I were. Saw that I was falling in love with you and wanted to test me. They made you do what you did. They wanted to push me to a point..” Buffy stopped and looked into Spike’s eyes. She wanted to pull his mouth to hers and kiss the very un-needed breath out of him. “To the point where I would kill you.”
“Why didn’t you stake me?” He asked her quietly, silently hoping she wouldn’t answer.
“How could I?” she questioned as she brushed her fingertips along his jaw line. “I love you.”
Spike blinked as though he hadn’t heard her correctly.
“Could you say that again?”
“I love you…William,” she said as she put her hands on either side of his face.
Spike didn’t hesitate this time. He moved his mouth over hers and kissed her softly. He kissed each corner of her mouth before moving back and capturing her lips in a deep kiss. Buffy sighed against his mouth and cradled his head in her hands.
“I missed you,” She breathed into their kiss.
“I missed you too.” Spike kissed her again and wrapped his arms around her. Buffy melted into his embrace and clung to him as the feeling of his kiss washed through her. They stood in the middle of the deserted park kissing and holding onto each other as though their very lives depended on it.
Spike pulled back and pressed their foreheads together. Both of them were breathing hard, their breath mingling in the air.
“Never leave me,” Buffy whispered.
“Try and make me,” he responded as their lips met again.
Buffy walked Spike back towards a picnic table, her lips never leaving his. Spike allowed himself to be pushed along. The back of his thighs hit the edge of the table and he sat down, pulling Buffy against him. She was in between his legs as they dangled above the grass. Buffy pressed herself against him, her hands winding up his back to his neck, pressing him closer still.
Spike broke their kiss and pressed his lips to her chin and moved down to her neck. Buffy’s head fell back as his tongue traced the beating of her jugular. She groaned low in her throat, the sound vibrating against his tongue. Spike placed his hand on the small of her back to hold her up while his other hand went to her hip. Buffy was at Spike’s mercy as his hands and mouth moved over her.
Their lips met again and they both sighed, the contact pure bliss. Buffy wanted desperately to feel his skin and tugged the offending black leather of his duster down his shoulders. Spike shrugged out of it and let it fall on the steel table. Buffy gripped the black material of his shirt in her hands as Spike’s tongue began to dance within the hot cave of her mouth.
Spike broke their kiss and looked at her, his eyes full of lust of apprehension.
“Are you sure about this?” He asked hesitantly.
“More then anything in the world,” she replied tugging his mouth down to her own.
She was glad she had worn a white button down shirt as Spike’s fingers starting undoing all the buttons carefully. Her skin and bra covered breasts were slowly exposed to his wide eyes. He pressed his face to her chest and breathed in her soft vanilla scent before kissing the valley in between her breasts. Buffy moaned and grasped his head, her fingers running through the well gelled locks of his hair.
“So bloody perfect,” he murmured as his cool mouth closed over her material covered nipple. Buffy arched her back, her breasts pressing against his face. He rolled the hardened peak between his teeth causing multiple Buffy gasps. He moved his hands around her back, tugging her shirt off and unclasping her bra at the same time.
Her hot flesh tingled as it was exposed to the cool night air. Spike’s mouth moved from one breast to the other, bathing them both in lavish attention. Buffy desperately wanted to touch him, feel his skin. She gripped the t-shirt in her hands and pulled it over his head. She smirked as her hot little hands moved over the vampire’s cool chest. His nipples already hardened as she flicked them with her well-manicured nails.
Buffy pushed his head back from her breasts and moved her mouth down his neck. She bit his neck with her blunt human teeth and continued downward, her tongue swirling in circles around his pectorals. Buffy’s hands moved as if they were drawn by a magnetic force to his black jeans. She caressed the hard outline of his cock through the tight material eliciting a moan from the vampire.
Spike’s hips jumped as Buffy squeezed him through his jeans. She unbuttoned the fly and slipped to her knees in front of him. She smirked at him as she lowered her hot mouth on his engorged flesh. Spike’s head fell back, his mouth formed in a little o, his hands tangled in Buffy’s blond hair. Buffy licked around his swollen head, her tongue diving into the slit before engulfing him in her mouth. Spike fought hard for control as Buffy continued her torture on him. The feeling of her hot mouth around him clinging and grasping was almost his un-doing.
He gently pulled her off of him and picked her up, her skirt fell open as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He felt her sex hot and throbbing as she was pressed against him. Spike ran his hand up her thigh as he sat on top of the table again. He ran his hand to the apex of her thighs and touched her through her soaked panties. He pulled them to the side and slid a finger along her sopping cleft. Buffy shuddered against his hand, her mouth finding his once again. Her breasts rubbed against his chest as his fingers worked magic on her pussy. He located the throbbing bundle of nerves and rubbed small circles on it with his thumb.
“Oh god,” Buffy moaned against Spike’s mouth. “Need you. Need you now.”
Spike wanted desperately to take his time, to make this moment last forever but upon hearing the urgency in her voice found he could not wait. He ripped the small scrap that was called panties from her body and positioned himself at her opening. Spike broke their kiss and glanced at her.
“Buffy open your eyes. Look at me,” he demanded as he started to slide his length inside her warmth. Their eyes held as he filled her to the hilt, the head of his cock butting against her cervix. He held himself steady for several minutes, his body getting used to being inside her again, her body getting accommodated to his size and length.
Buffy clung to his shoulders, her nails leaving little half moon marks in his skin as he started to move within her.
“God only you Spike. Only you can make me feel this way,” Buffy moaned as he kissed her neck, his body moving with hers. Buffy tightened her legs around his waist and met his thrusts with her own. Buffy felt the urgency in their lovemaking, Spike was trying desperately to hold off but the mere touch of her gave him such pleasure.
Buffy felt the tell tale signs of her impending orgasm and her hands went to the back of Spike’s head. She threw her head to the side in an offering of her neck. Spike was reeling; Buffy had never offered him her blood before.
“Go ahead Spike. I trust you. I love you,” She whispered, her eyes closed. Spike felt his features shift and his teeth grow long in his mouth. He kissed her neck tenderly, careful not to let his fangs cut her. He thrust harder, his body slapping against hers in the moonlight.
“Oh god Buffy,” Spike growled as he bit her. Buffy screamed and came as soon as Spike bit her, the feeling was beyond pleasure, it was heaven. Spike began to drink from her, drinking in small pulls of her blood. With every pull it was like another level in her orgasm, her body convulsing around his. Buffy pressed kisses to his neck and bit him hard, drawing blood. Spike growled at her neck and came, his cock shooting long ropes of cum inside her. He pulled his fangs out of her neck and licked his lips.
“Mine.” He said as he licked the wound.
“Yours,” she replied as she licked his wound.
*~*
They held each other in the afterglow of their love making until Buffy started to shiver. Reluctantly they broke apart to get dressed. Buffy and Spike turned towards one another as soon as their clothes were back on and smiled as they ran into each other’s arms. They stood locked together for some time just relishing the feel of being in one another’s arms again. Buffy’s face was pressed against Spike’s chest, his chin resting on her head.
“I could stay like this forever,” Spike whispered into her hair.
“Me too,” Buffy agreed as she pulled back to look into his blue eyes. “But I have something to tell you.”
Spike raised his eyebrows and nodded at her.
“I have something to tell you too.”
Buffy gestured for him to start but he shook his head no.
“I found out I was pregnant about 2 months after you had left Sunnydale. The baby is yours; I wasn’t and haven’t been with anyone since you. There was-is no question.” Buffy let go of Spike and sat down on the table. She looked up at him and motioned for him to sit as well. He didn’t say anything, just sat quietly and let her continue.
“I was really worried during the early months of my pregnancy, not knowing what I was carrying. Demon—vampire…” Buffy took a deep breath and turned to Spike. “I don’t know how it happened but we are parents of a perfectly normal baby girl. She isn’t part of a prophecy or some mystical force. She was meant to be ours.”
Spike gave a sigh of relief and put his arm around her, pulling her flush against his side.
“I watched you the other night. I sat on your porch like a bleeding imbecile and watched as you and your daughter were playing. I had no idea she was mine until I found the picture you left in my crypt.” Spike reached into his long black duster and pulled out the photograph.
“She’s beautiful Buffy,” Spike said as he showed her the picture.
“Wait until you meet her. She is perfect and so bright it scares me. She is also a lot like you.”
“Well I kinda got that from the perfect part of your description.” Spike smirked at Buffy and raised his scarred eyebrow.
Buffy laughed and smacked him lightly on the arm.
“What is it you had to tell me?” She asked.
“Oh I wanted to tell you why I left and why I was gone for so long.” Spike said. Buffy turned towards him and held his hand in an offer of comfort.
“I went away because I knew I had hurt you. I knew I needed to change things about me. I went to the outer ends of the earth to find a shaman who could help me. He made me go through many demon trials all of which I passed. He then asked me what I wanted and I said what she deserves and they returned my soul.”
Buffy gasped and looked into the deep depths of his blue eyes.
“You have your soul?”
Spike nodded.
“God Spike that’s wonderful. Congratulations sweetie.”
Spike smiled and reached for her. Buffy went willingly and hugged him.
“I’m so proud of you,” She said as she leant in to kiss him.
“I love you,” he breathed against her mouth.
“I love you.”
*~*
“Are you ready for this?” Buffy asked as she turned back to look at Spike.
Spike nodded yes and followed her. Buffy walked right through the doorway and into the living room. Spike stopped and stood just outside the door testing if there was a barrier.
“Spike, you don’t need an invite,” Buffy called from the other room. Spike blinked and walked through the threshold, the black leather coat he was wearing billowing out from his lean legs.
He stopped short of walking into the living room. Directly in front of him was Willow and Katie playing cars on the floor. At that moment Katie turned to Willow and smirked.
“Will-whoa I told you I good.”
Spike smiled at the sound of his daughter’s voice and quietly sat down next to her. Willow smiled and got up to stand next to Buffy.
“Hi. Want car?” Katie smiled brightly at him and handed him a car. Oddly enough it was a red mini with England’s flag on the back.
Buffy and Willow watched the pair from the entryway. Buffy smiled as Spike ran the car up Katie’s foot causing her to giggle.
“Who are you?” she asked innocently.
“I’m your daddy,” He replied.
Katie looked at him and smiled. Slowly she got up and went to him. She sat down on his lap and seemed to study him.
“Eyes.” She said pointing to his eyes and then her own.
“Yes lil bit our eyes are the same,” He said as he tucked a lock of her platinum hair behind her ear.
“You my daddy?”
“Yes Katie. I’m your daddy.”
“I love you daddy,” She said softly as she wrapped her small arms around him in a hug. Spike gasped as she held tightly to him, not prepared for her to accept him so quickly or the rush of tears as they fell down his face.
*~*
EPILOGUE
“Are you sure about this? It’s forever,” Xander said as he adjusted the white rose that was pinned to Spike’s black tuxedo.
“My god man you have got to be the worst best man in bloody history. Of course I’m ready whelp,” Spike said nervously.
“Ok ok I was just making sure. This is a big step, in an eternal kinda way.”
“Hello bleeding vampire here, I think I know how to come to terms with eternal.”
“Are you guys ready?” Willow asked as she came in the groom’s room.
Spike nodded and turned to Xander.
“Thanks mate,” He said holding his hand out.
“You got it Spike. It’s about time Buffy had her happy ending. It’s about that time for you too,” Xander smiled and shrugged. “Besides you promised I could send Angel a copy of the wedding video.”
The sun was just about to set in the sky as Buffy Anne Summers walked down the aisle in a gown of cream-colored silk. Her shoulders were bare, the sleeves of the gown ending in lace at her elbow, the skirt flowing around her as she held onto Giles’s arm. Spike was lined by Xander and Clem, Dawn and Willow standing beside Buffy. Katie was standing next to her father and holding his hand as she threw her flower petals at Uncle Xander.
Underneath her veil Buffy’s eyes watered with unshed tears as she gazed at her husband to be. Spike’s hands were shaking as he said his own written vows. Buffy fought hard not to cry as she said her own heart felt words. They slid their matching silver wedding bands on each other’s fingers and smiled.
“By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride,” The minister said raising his hands above the happy couple.
“You’re bloody well right I will,” Spike said as he lifted Buffy’s veil. Buffy laughed a shaky laugh and smiled as Spike pulled her close. As his lips met hers Buffy knew this was it. Love had finally found her.
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