Chapter Twenty-Six

 

Buffy hadn’t been able to find him.  She had wandered the streets and cemeteries of Sunnydale till she was exhausted, but she failed to locate him.  Feeling heartsick and unsure she crawled into her bed and again cried out her misery.  Her determination to make things better waned in the dark and her bravery died a subtle death.  She felt flayed, emotional shreds hanging limp from her heart.  She didn’t know how to make this right.

 

When she woke up it was obvious that there was a problem.  For the first time in a week she clung to Willow as they made their silent way to Giles, finding all of Sunnydale to be doing the wacky no talky thing, and purchased a couple of mini whiteboards so they could get their point across.  It was kind of fun- in a disturbing we know what the big bad is this time, kind of way.  Arm in arm they giggled heartily- despite no one being able to hear them- and Buffy felt carefree for the first time since Spike had been returned.

 

Her smile faded when she came face to face with him on entering Giles’s flat and pain once again filled her eyes.  She couldn’t believe that they were finally within touching distance and she could try to fix things, but they were all unable to talk.  She lowered her eyes in momentary defeat and disappointment, missing his flash of hope when he spied the ring on her other hand.

 

Olivia, the friend that Giles had forgotten to tell anyone about, held out her hand in greeting, and the girls joined the others in the main part of the room. Jollity abounded as they took comfort in knowing that no embarrassing slide pictures were needed this time; just the wait for darkness and the emergence of The Gentleman and their gross side-kicks, a good fight and an almighty scream.  It even came as no surprise to Buffy that she didn’t have the dream this time, no warning.  They didn’t need it really, having all major pitfalls plotted in advance.

 

As the day wore on and the promise of darkness finally made itself known, Buffy withdrew further as she became aware of the lengths Spike was going to insure that she didn’t come close to him.  Her body keenly felt his withdrawal from her, and it was all she could do to retain a grip on her duty to protect the innocent when she wanted to collapse in a heap and bawl her eyes out.  She just wanted him to forgive her- to let this pain stop. She would do anything for him to take her back, except maybe letting him kill Xander.  A small smile graced her lips, but she countered it immediately with a little sniffle.  Even seeing Angel every day with the torture of not being able to touch had not felt this horrible, this hopeless.

 

The day was spent playing tic-tac-toe on the whiteboard with Willow, and silly board games with Xander and Anya.  The fun was absent though, as they all realised how much better the games were with bursts of accusation from losing players.  Spike watched tv, and they were all grateful for even the noise of Passions in the otherwise silent room.

 

Buffy’s stomach was all tied up in knots as darkness finally fell and in unspoken agreement, Spike fell in at her side.  They left the others behind, searching out the evil afoot. Her insides clenched painfully at the thought that their silence with each other tonight was not entirely due to the spell on the town.  Another tiny piece of her broke, and she felt like a wounded soldier marching beside her saviour, but who was denied the chance of fulfillment. 

 

It didn’t take them long to notice the grotesque floating figures of The Gentleman, their loonybin sidekicks doing the hunchback shuffle alongside and ahead of them.  It was macabre in its predictability and Buffy laughed in silence at the futility of it all.  Here she was with the love of her life, about to meet the man who wanted to be the love of her life, only to be on a mission to release an evil bond on her scream.  She shouldn’t be doing this.  She should be at Spike’s place –hurrah!- lying wrapped up naked in his arms showing him in the depths of his skin of her devotion to him.

 

They fought back to back, each wielding a heavy sword, slashing through those that stood in their way.  Once they reached the building that housed the collected hearts of The Gentleman’s victims, they glanced at each other and their eyes locked in pure heat.  Buffy tried to wordlessly convey her feelings, holding her breath and hoping that he could read her correctly just like every other time that he had.  Without any indication of his comprehension, he turned away and started to fight.  She gave him one final, yearning look before bolting up the staircase where she met Riley and a Gentleman eager to rip out her heart.  The side-by-side combat she tried on with Riley felt wrong and she wondered why she had never discerned the difference.  Joining battle with Spike had always been exhilarating, matched strength-to-strength she never had to worry about him holding his own.  Riley had limits though, while she had eventually pointed those out to him brutally, it didn’t stop her from realising that it was just another area of mismatch that she had ignored.

 

With the Gentleman otherwise occupied, she lunged for the box, pulled off its lid and let out an almighty scream.  The high-pitched sound continued as all their heads exploded and she inwardly celebrated the destruction of yet another threat.

 

When she turned around she was face to face with Spike.  Once again silence reigned despite the renewed ownership of their voices, and she held her breath in anticipation.  She groaned as Riley elbowed his way into the small standoff, but rejoiced anew as she heard the possessive growl of her mate.  It was the first time she had thought of him thus and she revelled again in the man that she belonged to.  Spike’s eyes slid from hers to lock hatefully on the bulky commando that stood too close to Buffy and he suddenly lunged past and grabbed her right hand. 

 

With a jerk, she was brought before him, her breath hissing in anger at his brutal way of grabbing her.  Her eyes lightened however in shock when he violently pulled the ring from her finger. She cried out in denial as her heart finally shattered, great chunks falling from her chest, and she knew that she could never ever repair it.  Tears streamed down her face- and she found it difficult to see from her blurred vision- when his finger came to her chin to raise her eyes back to his. He gently swiped at the steady torrent of tears making tracks down her face and he smiled warmly as his other hand regained her left, raising it in front of them.  Without a word he replaced the ring on her finger but before she could lower her eyes to look at its return to its rightful place, he kissed her hard yet passionately. Abruptly he hauled himself away from her mouth and disappeared from her view and the clocktower in a burst of vampire speed and grace.

 

With trembling hands she looked down at the ring and smiled.  He still wanted her, he still loved her, and apparently, he still meant to marry her.  With a laugh of delight she flung her arms around Riley before realising he was the wrong arms for her to be in, and she took off after Spike.

 

She wanted to be embraced by home once again.