Chapter Nine

 

Buffy couldn’t decide if she should talk to Willow about what she saw, or just let it go.  As the three girls walked briskly toward their dorm, Buffy zoned out of the conversation between the Wiccas and tried to fathom why she felt so lacerated by Spike’s flirty behaviour towards Anya.  She hadn’t really had that much time to get to know the girl yet, but as far as an ex-vengeance demon went she seemed nice enough.  What she still couldn’t get was her reactions—physical and emotional—to Spike.  One thing was certain enough; whatever happened in her future, he was important to her.  In a big way.

 

“Wills,” Buffy called to the redhead who walked with an animated purpose while chatting to her fellow witch.  “Is it possible to do some kind of spell, like a tag on thingy or something, to Spike’s soul, so that maybe I could see the circumstances for it returning to him in a different time period?”

 

“You mean you want to see into the future and find out why you’re all with the  touchy feelies with the vampiness?”  Willow questioned nervously.

 

Buffy stopped walking and turned to contemplate her friend.

 

“I can’t explain it, Wills.  Something happened to me tonight when I found him. Something way, way wiggy, but I need to work it out before I feel like I can talk about it.  It would just help to know why the future me came to depend so much on him.  I need to understand why I feel so drawn to him all of a sudden.” 

 

Willow looked at Tara in anguish, knowing that she could help but also knowing that Willow herself, and possibly Buffy, wasn’t going to like what the other girl had to say. Then again, Buffy had been holding Spike’s hand earlier, and didn’t seem to wig over that. With a hesitant nod, Willow encouraged Tara to step forward with her theories.

 

“U-um B-Buffy?”  Tara’s courage seemed short-lived so Buffy gave her a warm encouraging smile.

 

“Tara, it’s ok.  I know you think that Spike and I belong together, and boy is that a concept that is so beyond believable, but I think I did see enough in my vision to sort of believe you.”  Both girls gaped.

 

“What did you see to make you believe that?”  Willow couldn’t hold back her surprise. “I mean, I know he is hot and all, but Buffy, he’s a vampire.”

 

“What?”  Tara gasped, shocked.

 

Buffy looked at her for a minute before replying.

 

“Willow didn’t fill you in yet on the night life in Sunnydale, huh?”

 

Tara turned to the girl beside her, eyes wide in comprehension, and shook her head almost accusingly. “Willow?” 

 

Willow giggled self-consciously. “Surprise?” 

 

Buffy snorted and clapped her hand over her mouth. 

 

“Sorry Tara.  There are lots of creatures around here that go bump in the night, and ones you don’t want to do the bumping with, um, that was a little more suggestive than I was going for.”  And she trailed off thinking of the bleached blonde that she would die to do some bumping with.  “Anywho, Spike is a vampire who for the past two years has been trying to kill me, and came real close to doing it a few times. Particularly last week over the whole Gem thingy. You’d kinda think I would hold a grudge for that, wouldn’t ya?”  Buffy raised an eyebrow as she questioned her two walking companions.  They had reached Buffy and Willow’s room and continued inside, envying the quiet of the building that indicated that all sane girls and boys went to sleep hours ago.

 

“Back to the vision.”  Buffy collapsed on her bed, not even removing her shoes.  She had made a decision to share, knowing that it was fair to offer some kind of explanation for her behaviour tonight before Willow decided it best to commit her to the loony bin. Not wanting to see any possible looks of disgust in Willow’s eyes, however, she chose to stare at the ceiling while telling her story.  “While we were standing in the cavern and Spike was turning into a really impressive light show, I held his hand and then they seemed to catch on fire.”

 

Tara’s eyes flicked to her reclining form in a sudden raging interest.  Willow hadn’t yet seemed to pick up on the importance of the bond.

 

“He wouldn’t leave with me, told me he could see his soul and that it was beautiful.  I told him that I loved him and begged him to leave, but he said he had to stay and finish it.  He didn’t believe me, Willow.  He thanked me for saying it but that I didn’t mean it then told me to get out.”  Willow was alarmed at the distress in her friend’s voice, but the sight of tears falling silently from the emotional girl was enough to coax her into sitting by her on the bed.  Buffy grabbed her hand and turned sad, green eyes to her best friend.  “Why do they leave, Will?  I don’t understand it and I can barely believe it, but I know that what I told him at the end was the truth.  I did love him then, but he didn’t believe me.”  Buffy had started to sob and Willow encased her in her arms, remembering another similar moment not so long ago when Angel had left town.  After the disaster that was Parker, Willow had a feeling that this rejection of her in the future could take an unnatural hold on Buffy and pull her away from her destiny, simply because she feared to give her heart.  Not good to get an absolute of rejection before the time had even come to fall in love.

 

“Ah…Buffy…I-I th-think I might know what ha-happened.”

 

Buffy turned to the nervous girl with hope.  “You do?”  She abandoned Willow and went to kneel in front of Tara.  “Please tell me,” she begged.  The little irritation her body had been feeling since leaving Spike’s presence was building slowly so that now her body was almost reverberating with repetitive chills that wouldn’t let her flesh rest, simply because she was away from him.  She felt like something was missing and she was almost frantic to get it back.

 

Tara stroked her hair and took one of Buffy’s small hands before looking her in the eye.  “When you held his hand and told him you loved him?” Her voice was calm and confident, like it had been earlier in the evening when she had forgotten the presence of all of Willow’s friends.  Buffy nodded her head, eager to hear something that could explain this terrible yearning in her gut for cold, strong arms to encircle her through the night.  “Buffy, your love bonded you together.  He was right, though, he had to finish what he was doing, but I think he told you he didn’t believe you so that he could get you out and make sure you lived.”  The tears fell in great torrents from her eyes now, and her breath was heaving, but Buffy struggled on to keep control and not submit to the sob fest that she was so heading for.

 

“But what about future Buffy?  She, I mean me, um, I will, would, you know what I mean, devastated, in some capacity.”  Buffy waved her arms avidly in the air, trying to indicate something but was too confused to work out what.  “He leaves, me, her, and she’ll, ah I’ll, um, think he didn’t believe me.  God, I am so confused.”  Buffy rubbed a hand over her eyes in exhaustion.  “Oh, oh,” she jumped to her feet in agitation.  “And what was the point of rewarding him to come back here when he just has to turn right back around and do the great flambé act, deny my declarations, and go poof?” She ended with a dramatic snapping of her fingers in Willow’s stunned, but amused face.

 

“Um, Buff, hate to tell you after that eloquent appraisal of your future self and all her devastation, but with Spike’s future soul now lodged in the present Spike—God only knows how many years early—then the future will probably be altered.”  Willow finished with a confident grin.

 

“Huh?”  Buffy replied with complete incomprehension causing the Willow grin to falter.  There was just no explaining a temporal paradox, or the mechanics of time travel, to some people.

 

“What she means, sweetie,” Tara began with an indulgent smile, “is that now this Spike has a soul your reaction to him will be different and so events could very well unfold in a completely different direction.”

 

“See,” Willow leapt onto the train and rode it in.  “Whatever apocalypse Spike saved us all from, might not even occur.”  She was triumphant and pumped her fist in the air.

 

Buffy just stared at her, a look of horror beginning to penetrate her features.

 

“But Will, what if it’s all the same?  What if getting his soul put the world out of balance and caused the apocalypse in the first place?  Bringing it here might bring it on in a week instead of years from now. That’s why I need to see the future—so that I can be ready and make sure we all stay fine.  Make sure that I don’t lose him again.” 

 

Willow spluttered at the last statement.

 

Tara contemplated for a moment.

 

“I don’t know of actual spells where you can see the future, though I’m sure that they exist.  I do know of ones where you can travel back in time.  We could try a spell to trace the past of Spike's soul.  Which would really be his future.”  Willow and Buffy looked at her in awe.

 

“Wow...” Willow breathed, completely blown away by the concept.  “Buffy, we’ll look into it tomorrow.  Now I think we should try and get some sleep.  Tara, do you want to stay here?”

 

“Thanks Willow, b-but I-I-I think I should be getting back to m-my own room.  I- I’ll see you in the morning to help you look for the spell.  Everything will be fine Buffy.  What  I-I saw of Spike’s and your Aura, it’s all really, really good.”  She winked at Buffy, missing her flush as she swept out the door.

 

“So, did ya kiss him?”  Willow bounced back on to Buffy’s bed where the girl had again collapsed and perched delicately on the edge.

 

“Oh my God, Willow.  It was amazing.  Spike lips.  Mmmm.”  Buffy flopped back on her pillow with quite a goofy, ‘lost in the moment’ grin. Willow chuckled then moved back to her own bed, climbing under the covers in relief, realising her friend was already immersed in the mysteries of Spike and unlikely to emerge.  She'd better just get used to it and accept it so that her friend didn't feel guilty.

 

"Oh Buffy, but what about Riley?"

 

"Hmm? Oh Spike's lips are much better."  Buffy remained distracted, thinking of said lips but progressing quickly to images of that tongue.

 

Supine, they quickly surrendered to sleep.

 

“You’re a hell of a woman.  You’re the one Buffy.”  She dreamed of a strange house wrapped in the arms of a protector, her heart thudding hard as her breast rested in sleep against his chest.  Close.

 

For the first time in what felt like years, Buffy Summers slept with a happy, happy smile plastered on her face.