Title: A Twisted Welcome
Author: Oracleholly
For: Twisted_Spuffy
Rating: R
Summary: My twisted take on "Welcome to the Hellmouth." Buffy is not as "retired" as she claims to her Watcher and has a spy of her own.
Disclaimer: You know the drill… I don't own Buffy, BTVS, Spike or any of the characters therein. I bow down before the Whedon and bask in his glory.
A/N: Dialogue taken from "Welcome to the Hellmouth." Inner thoughts are in italics.



Buffy felt like giving herself a perfect 10.0 for technique and for execution as she dismounted from her handstand from a high bar. Inwardly she heard the roar of a crowd as she stuck the landing right on top of this big jerk that had been following her. A tingle of recognition flickered in her eyes at who the guy was now on the ground under her foot.

"Ah, heh. Is there a problem, ma'am?" the jerk asked.

"Yeah, there's a problem." You big poof. Good God, that's an awful lot of hair gel in his hair. And he does have a huge forehead. Buffy wanted to tell him that the semi-spiked hairdo wasn't a good look for him, but she had other business to attend to. "Why are you following me?"

"I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite," the stranger smirked.

Buffy backed off allowing him to get to his feet, but she maintained her fighting stance. For an instant, she was proud that she'd worn the big bobble rings knowing that if she had to throw a punch, it would hurt like a bitch. She didn't like that smirk on his face.

"Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though." The stranger began massaging his neck and Buffy wondered why he bothered with the pretense. She kicked his back, not his neck. Shouldn't he be grabbing his lower back?

Buffy had already had enough of this guy. "What do you want?"

"The same thing you do."

Buffy felt a warm, familiar tingle race down her spine. As she relaxed her stance, she briefly wondered if this guy in front of her thought she was standing down because of him. But then she figured it didn't matter, if he did, it only helped her.

Buffy asked, "Okay. What do I want?"

The guy took a step toward her and replied, "To kill them. To kill them all."

Irked beyond measure, Buffy responded, "Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax." She could almost hear the snicker behind her. She hoped that Forehead hadn't heard it, or the whole shebang would be ruined. "What I want is to be left alone!" Especially now, because of who was behind her.

Buffy decided to try walking away from the guy in front of her in order to find a quieter place. She needed her "alone" time.

Instead of letting her go, the guy with bad hair said, "Do you really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the Mouth of Hell. And it's about to open."

Buffy stopped and turned to him, wondering if he would cut with the cryptic crap and explain himself. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small box. Buffy could almost feel the glare of disapproval and protective jealousy centered directly on her back as she held out her hand for the box.

"Don't turn your back on this," he said as he tossed Buffy the box. "You've gotta be ready."

Okay, he's going to continue to be mysterious and cryptic. What an ass! Damn, I have to play along. "What for?"

"For the Harvest."

"Who are you?"

"Let's just say… I'm a friend," Mr. Hair-gel smiled and backed away to leave the alley.

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend." Especially one like you.

At that, the guy turned back to her and added, "I didn't say I was yours."

As the guy disappeared out of the alley, Buffy opened the box and discovered a silver cross and chain. She loudly asked to the seemingly empty alley, "Was that him?"

Emerging from the shadows at the other end, a voice cut through the silence. "Yeah, that was the wanker. I know they say he's got a soul now, but I didn't sense that much of a difference. Still playing his mind games."

Buffy turned around to watch her boyfriend walk up to her. He was lean and muscular and so sexy. She felt herself get weak-kneed watching him saunter to her. His black duster flapped back as if catching some wind that she didn't feel.

"You know, that wasn't smart. He could have sensed you," Buffy said. Puffing out her lower lip, she pouted, "And that would not be of the good."

Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the tip of her nose. "Now, pet, none of that. I'm always careful when it comes to you. Listen, even if that wanker had sensed a fellow vamp nearby, he would never have thought of me. He's been off the happy meals and away from the family for too long. Hell, Darla's here, and I've not seen the bastard try to go to her."

"I know, but…"

"You worry," Spike completed her sentence. "And I worry about you. Angel's up to something, but I've not been able to figure it out just yet. But enough about him, give your love a kiss, will ya?"

Buffy's pout turned into an enormous grin, "Gladly."

What started off as a chaste reunion soon escalated into a fiery reclamation as their kiss deepened. Spike was the first to pull away, mindful of Buffy's need of oxygen. Yet, he too was panting heavily, both mirroring each other's passion.

"I've missed you, Spike. This past week has been miserable, and today! Today was just almost too much. My new Watcher is nothing like Merrick. I miss Merrick."

"I know you do, luv. Give this Watcher a chance, pet. He might surprise you. I've found out some things about our Rupert Giles. How he got past the Wanker's Council critical eye, I don't know," Spike said, as he pulled Buffy in for an embrace, rubbing her back in concentric circles.

"If you say so. I just don't know," Buffy replied, snuggling her nose into Spike's chest.

"But you're going to have to be more careful of what you say when you talk to Rupert. Some boy was in the stacks listening in on your revelation that you're the Slayer."

Spike felt Buffy stiffened in his arms. She pulled away slightly and looked up at him fearfully. "Someone overheard us?"

"Yes, luv. That tosser that hangs around the redhead. He was in the stacks for some reason," Spike answered.

"Damn!"

"Language, pet. Mum wouldn't be too keen on hearing you talk like that," Spike chastised.

"You and 'mum' can just…" Buffy started to respond, but changed the subject. "I have to meet Willow and Xander, that's his name by the way, at the Bronze in a few. What am I going to say to him? How should I act?" Worry marred her brow.

Making sh-ing sounds, Spike reasserted his embrace and kissed her forehead, nose and then her lips. "Just like you have been… a normal girl, who just happens to be the retired Slayer."

"But I'm not really retired. Why do I have to act like I am? Mom's even getting a kick out of my retirement. You know she gave me an 'Over the Hill' card the other day. I could scream," Buffy grumbled.

"She did, did she? Brilliant!" Spike laughed.

"Just keep it up mister, no more kissage for you," Buffy teased.

Spike turned serious, "Buffy, you know why we have to play this game for a little while. We've got to figure out the Master's plans for you, but first we've got to stop the Harvest."

"The Harvest… right. That's what Captain Forehead said."

"Ah… so you approve of the moniker?"

"The monkey-what's-it?"

"Nickname, luv. Nickname. You sure you're taking an English class? Your grasp of the native tongue is under whelming."

"I'll show you my grasp of the English tongue!" Buffy grabbed the back of Spike's head and captured his tongue delicately with her teeth. She felt a little blood coat his tongue as she bit and heard the bones in Spike's face shift.

Buffy loved getting him so riled up. She hoped that one day soon he would forget his promise to her mother about waiting until she was sixteen and just give in and take her. Both her Slayer and her normal fifteen-year-old selves wanted him too.

Spike moved from her lips to her neck and licked it. He continued to lick and kiss down the column of her neck to her collarbone and then to the top of her left breast, as he pushed aside her coat and part of her shirt. He always relished the sight of his marks just above her heart.

Buffy moaned in anticipation. "Please, Spike. I need you to." After the briefest of moments, Buffy felt the prickling of her skin being pierced by Spike's fangs. A rush of adrenaline and desire overtook her.

Spike instinctively put one of his legs between her thighs allowing Buffy to get some relief. He pulled three mouthfuls of blood from her heart and then removed his fangs. Swallowing the last of the blood, Spike uttered, "Buffy, you're mine!"

"Yours! Spike, I'm yours forever." Upon recognizing and reasserting Spike's claim, Buffy collapsed in post-orgasmic bliss. Her body hummed with satisfaction. She often wondered if when they finally had sex would it be as good as getting claimed.

Spike chuckled under his breath. Who would have thought he, the Slayer of the Slayers, would be so completely gobsmacked in love with one? Now, the Slayer was his Mate and his best friend. Her mum liked him too. He would do anything to protect and care for Buffy and her mother now. Yes, he was whipped… in the best of ways.

Seeing that Buffy was starting to regain her composure, Spike straightened out her top. "You need to get going, luv. Your new playmates will start to wonder."

"Will you be able to come home later?" Buffy asked.

"Don't know. I think Luke is suspicious. Got to play nice with the animals for a bit."

"Which one is Luke again?"

"He'll be the huge, lumbering tosser with a huge nose. He's all brawn, not a lot going on besides that," Spike described.

"And Darla?"

"That's another reason we need to be careful. She never really liked me, pet. I didn't fall down on my knees for the bint. Drusilla was all I thought about. No, grand-mum didn't fancy me at all."

"Silly her, then."

"Ta. Be on the lookout for her. She's a little taller than you, blonde, and has taken up wearing Catholic-school girl outfits. She likes the hunt too much, so she might end up at the Bronze. Be careful. She's stronger than she appears."

"Well, so what? So am I."

"Yes, you are love. But you are not a ancient vampire bitch nearly 400 years-old," Spike cautioned.

"You're right," Buffy acquiesced.

"I'm what? Did I hear that correctly? Did the Slayer just admit that I'm right?" Spike teased.

Buffy playfully punched him in the arm, "Stop that, or I'll take it back."

Hands in the air feigning surrender, Spike said, "Okay, okay." Putting his hands down once again on her waist, "One more kiss for tonight. I'll stay on the lookout. Make sure no beasties get a taste of my girl."

"Just one?"

"Just the one, or you'll never get to the Bronze like a good, little girl."

"If you insist," Buffy said, before giving him one last, passionate kiss. "I'll be careful; I promise."

"Good girl. Now get on with you," Spike patted her behind as she turned away.

Buffy cast him a reproachful look but then smiled as she continued out of the alley.


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