Chapter 10

 

Buffy stared at the spot Rebecca had stood ‘Did she just hear what she thought she heard.  Was Rebecca telling her that she was going to get a second chance to be with Spike?’  Buffy felt hope fill her heart, something was happening.  Rebecca knew something that she wasn’t telling the others.  Her brow furrowed as she tried to puzzle out what was happening.

 

Giles and Anya took that moment to return.  Both sporting wide smiles and clasping hands, they whispered to each other giggling softly.

 

Buffy smiled up at them “Oh my God.  Giles did you just giggle?”

 

Giles blushed a deep red and started to stammer.  Anya smiled up at him indulgently before turning back to Buffy “We want you to be the first to know.  Rupert and I are together.” She leaned conspiratorially forward “As in orgasm friend together.”  She turned back round and gave Giles a deep kiss before pulling back “I have to go report back.  I will see you all at Restfield cemetery just after sunset.”  She gave a small wave before teleporting out of the room.

 

Giles sat down beside Buffy nervously he had no idea how to explain this to her.  He reached for his glasses and remembered that Anya had thrown them away.  “Buffy, I know…” he turned to look at her.

 

Buffy smiled in amusement “Its ok Giles.  I think the two of you would make a wonderful couple.”  She patted him gently on the arm to reassure him “Xander will just have to deal.”

 

Giles stared at her “That’s very understanding of you Buffy.  Are you sure your ok with this.”

 

Buffy nodded “The heart wants what the heart wants.”  She took a deep breathe “In fact there’s something I need to tell you guys.  How about we go look for the others so I can tell you all together.”

 

Giles was puzzled but followed anyway, he thought he might know what she was going to tell them and his heart ached for the pain that his daughter must be in.

 

As they reached the door Buffy turned to yell upstairs “We’re just going out for a bit Rebecca.”  A disjointed ok floated downstairs to farewell them as they left.

 

*********************************************************************

 

Upstairs Rebecca lay on the bed she had shared with Spike last night; she turned slightly to inhale his scent.  He still smelt of her beloved William but now there were other scents intermingled as well.  She closed her eyes tightly as tears threatened to spill.

 

The room around her started to glow as two forms began to take shape and move towards the bed. 

 

“Why do I have to do this?” Rebecca opened her eyes to stare at the ghostly forms “It hurts so much.”

 

As the ghosts reached her side they enveloped Rebecca “Shhh it has to be done this way.”

 

Rebecca closed her eyes once again as she felt the gentle caresses of her companions as they stroked her lovingly, all the while whispering words of reassurance and encouragement.  She felt their love fill her completely as she drifted of to sleep.

 

The two stayed by her side until she was sleeping deeply.  One moved forward to brush a ghostly kiss across her forehead.  They moved away to stand at the end of the bed gazing upon her sleeping form.  Slowly they began to fade and as the last glow began to wane the word “Soon” softly floated through the air.

 

 

********************************************************************* 

 

Willow, Tara and Dawn stood outside The Magic Box, they had searched everywhere for Xander but couldn’t find him.  They were getting discouraged when they saw Buffy and Giles down the street.

 

Dawn sprinted forward “Buffy! Wait up!”

 

Buffy and Giles turned towards them “Hey Dawnie.  Did you find Xander?”

 

Willow and Tara joined them “We’ve looked everywhere.  Buffy I’m really worried.” Concern filled Willow’s voice.

 

Giles averted his eyes feeling responsible for Xander's pain and the girls worry.

 

Tara fixed him with a steady gaze “This is not your fault Giles.”

 

The others looked at Tara, surprised by the authority in her voice.  Tara just smiled and shrugged “Hey if I can deal with Spike’s insecurities I can deal with anyone’s.”

 

Dawn suddenly had a thought “His parents, has anyone checked his parent’s house?”

 

No one had thought of checking the Harris’s, they all knew that Xander hated being around his parent’s fighting.

 

“Let’s go check” Buffy wrapped her arm around Willow and the group headed off once again.

 

The group stood out the front of the house listening to the yells coming from inside.  Willow hugged herself as she remembered the times Xander would find refuge at her house.  “Come on we’ll go in the back way” The group quietly slipped round the back and let themselves into the basement.

 

Xander sat huddled on the old sofa listening to his parents arguing and feeling sorry for himself.  He was so lost in his pity party that he didn’t hear the others coming down the stairs.  He jumped in surprise when Willow touched his leg.  “You ok Xan?”

 

“Will?” Xander looked at her in surprise then slowly looked at the others until his eyes landed on Giles “What’s he doing here?” he asked bitterly. 

 

“Xander that’s enough!” Buffy moved to sit in front of him “I know things are...well...strange right now.  But we don’t have time for this.”  She looked around as the others found places to sit.  “I know that you hurt.  But Xander you were the one that chose to leave Anya.”

 

Xander started to protest but Buffy cut him off “You left Anya at the altar.  You could have gone to her at any time and told her your doubts, but you didn’t.  Anya has every right to be hurt and angry with you.”  She reached forward for his hands offering him some small amount of comfort.  “Do you love her Xander?” he mutely nodded “Do you want her to be happy?” Xander nodded again “Then let her be happy.” 

 

Buffy glanced at Giles.  “Both Anya and Giles deserve some happiness and if being together makes them happy then so be it.”

 

Buffy stood and began to pace nervously “I have something to tell you all and I would appreciate it if you let me get through it without interruption.”  She sat down abruptly “I know what it feels like to watch the person you love be with someone else.”  She heard a few gasps but no one spoke. 

 

“I am in love with Spike.”  Buffy glanced at Tara who was smiling her encouragement.  “When I came back I was so lost.  I couldn’t feel anything.  I wanted to tell you guys about being in heaven but you were all so happy that I was back.” She gave them a soft sad smile “It felt like Spike was the only one that I could talk to.  Before I died I was starting to see him…differently, more of a man than a monster.  I trusted him and when I came back I found myself turning to him more.  Do you remember that night when Sweet was here?” everyone nodded “That’s the first time I kissed him.  When we touched I felt at peace.  Whole again.  I kept telling myself that it was wrong to feel these things for him.  Then when I found out that he could hurt me I thought that I was right. That I had come back wrong.”

 

Tears began to run down her face “I was sleeping with him.  Using him for sex, using him to feel.  I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter what I did to him.  He didn’t have a soul so he couldn’t feel.”

 

Dawn stood and silently wrapped her arms around her sister pulling her down to sit on the floor.

 

“One night I beat him so badly that he could barely move.  We were in an alley near the police station, and I just left him there.  To die.” Buffy looked down ashamed Tara and Willow had now joined her on the floor.

 

“Everything I said to him, everything I did to him was everything that I wanted to do to myself.”  Buffy once again caught Xander's eyes “I let fear rule my actions and I ended up almost destroying the one person who loved me unconditionally.  Even when I went to him after that he never turned from me.  It was only after Riley came back and caught us together that I realised what I was doing.”

 

Giles awkwardly sat down behind her on the floor wanting to show his support.  Buffy smiled her thanks to him “It was only when I saw him with Rebecca that I realised what I had been denying myself all this time.”  She lay her head onto Giles’s shoulder “So I know what you feel Xander.  I feel it every time I look at them together. But I decided that I want him to be happy and Rebecca makes him happy.”  She closed her eyes and waited for the words of shock and condemnation. 

 

None came.

 

Buffy wearily opened her eyes to look at Xander.  He stared back at her his eyes full of pain, sorrow and understanding.  Silently he moved to sit in front of the small group and wrapped his arms around Buffy “I’ll help you if you help me”

 

Buffy hugged him tight “deal” the rest of the girls moved to bring him into their embrace turning to pull Giles closer as well.

 

Dawn’s muffled voice made its way through the tangle of limbs “Umm guys I think we need to get up.  I’m getting a cramp.”

 

They started to laugh as the untangled themselves and rose to their feet.  Giles was complaining about his aching back as he slowly tried to unbend himself.  A hand was thrust into his line of vision; Giles looked up to see Xander standing before him “Need a hand there G-Man?” 

 

Giles felt relief wash through him as he took his hand.  “Thank you”

 

Xander gave him a short nod before turning back to the others “So girls what’d I miss”

 

“Oh my God Xander!  Travers is this icky demon that eats his own kids” Willow made a face as she imparted this piece of news.

 

“Always knew that man was evil” Buffy added “Oh and there is a demon community still in existence.  It’s called Midian and Anya is going to take us there tonight.” Buffy studied Xander carefully “Are you going to be ok with that?”

 

Xander placed a hand over his heart “You have the Xan Mans promise to be on his best behavior.”  A loud crash came from upstairs closely followed by the sound of his parent’s angry voices.  “Come on guys lets get out of here.”

 

The group headed back towards Revello Drive “So where’s Rebecca and Captain Peroxide?”

 

“Rebecca’s at home and Spike went to get some things from his crypt.”  Buffy gave a wry smile “I don’t think there’s much there though.  Riley and I kinda blew it up.”

 

Tara gasped and stopped, the others turned to look at her inquiringly “I just remembered something that I have to get.  I’ll meet you guys in a little while. Ok.”

 

“Do you want me to come with you” Willow asked

 

“No its ok.  I won’t be long.” answered Tara before rushing off towards the Magic Box.  When Tara reached her destination she quickly went to the counter to retrieve Spike’s box.  She carefully lifted the lid to check that the contents were still intact before heading back to Buffy’s house.

 

*********************************************************************

 

Spike burst through the front door stamping out his blanket before throwing it onto the nearby coat rack.  He stood in the hallway listening for any sound; he heard a faint heartbeat coming from upstairs.  Smiling to himself he made his way up to the room he was sharing with Rebecca.

 

He quietly placed his small duffle bag on the floor before leaning back against the door to study his sleeping wife.  Rebecca lay on her side facing the door one hand on the pillow near her face, the other resting lightly on her stomach.  Spike inhaled deeply filling himself with her scent, she had always smelt like wildflowers to him and the scent bought back memories of their human life together.

 

Spike moved to sit on the edge of the bed; he brushed a stray curl from her face, allowing his finger to trace a gentle path across her face as he did.  Rebecca stirred at his touch and blinked up at him.  “Your back?”

 

“Can never stay away from you for long my luv” Spike kicked of his boots and stretched out beside her, mirroring her position.   The couple lay there staring into each others eyes “I love you Becca.”

 

“I love you William” Rebecca moved forward and pressed her lips against his “I have something I need to tell you William.”  Rebecca sat up pulling Spike up beside her.

 

“S’ok luv, you can tell me anything.”  Spike sensed her nervousness.

 

Rebecca sighed and started to trace patterns on the back of his hand with her fingertips.  “There’s something you didn’t know about when I died.”

 

Spike’s grip tightened as he waited for her to continue.

 

“When I died.” Rebecca turned away slightly to gather her self before turning back to him “When I died I was with child.”

 

Spike drew a sharp breathe before his hand flew to her stomach.

 

“I had only known for sure for a few days.  I was so scared about telling you in case something happened to me or the baby.  I had told Uncle Rupert that I wanted to start a family. That is why we were slowly introducing you to the people of Salus.  The plan was for us to go there when we wanted a family.  Things just happened more quickly than I thought.”

 

Spike gently rubbed her stomach “Its ok Becca.  It’s not your fault.” His voice was thick with emotion.

 

“I did a spell when I came back, to check my aura.  I thought maybe that because I was alive again that maybe the baby would be too.”  Rebecca looked down as she gently caressed her stomach.  “The baby is still there, it shows in my aura.  But there is no life.  Our baby is dead William.”  Tears began to flow freely down her face once again.

 

“Shhh luv.  S’not your fault.” Spike kissed the tears from her face; he gathered her close trying to soothe her.  He heard a noise downstairs “The others are back luv, how about you hop in the shower and I’ll go see what’s happening.”

 

He gently guided Rebecca towards the shower before heading downstairs his heart heavy at the thought of his lost child.

 

*********************************************************************

 

The others entered the house busily making plans for sleeping arrangements.

 

“I want everyone here” Buffy was in full command mode “If we’re going to be going up against the council I want everyone in one place.  We’ll have to speak to Rebecca about one of those no violence spells she was talking about.”

 

They looked up as Spike came down the stairs his eyes moist from tears.

 

Dawn moved forward in concern “Are you alright Spike.”

 

“Yeah bit.  It’s just been a bit emotional.  Feel like I’ve done nothing but cry for the last couple of days” Spike attempted to give her a cocky grin “Turning into a right poof.”

 

“I know how you feel” Buffy sympathized “Where’s Rebecca?”

 

“Just havin a shower, she’ll be down in a bit.”

 

Tara burst through the door at that moment her hands clutching Spike’s memory box close to her body.

 

“What’s that sweetie?” Willow reached for the box.

 

“It’s Spike’s” Tara handed him the box “I just remembered that we’d left it at the Magic Box.”

 

Spike’s eyes lit up as he opened the box and began to search through the contents.  He found what he was searching for as Rebecca started to come downstairs.  He turned to watch his wife as she walked down to him, the box in his hands slowly starting to slip from his grasp.  Tara moved forward grabbing the box before it fell.

 

Rebecca reached the foot of the stairs “What’s wrong?”

 

“Just realised something’s missing.”

 

“What?” Rebecca was confused “What’s missing”

 

Spike slowly lifted his hand and let his fist uncurl to reveal a shiny gold object.

 

Rebecca gasped “My wedding ring”

 

Spike took the ring from his palm grabbing her hand as he did.  His hands trembled as he slowly slid the ring into place.  “There now everything’s perfect.”  He lifted her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on her wedding band. 

 

Next