Chapter 11

Two hours had gone by, and still no one had found any useful information on whom or what Ben could possibly be.  Buffy lazily rested her chin on her hand as she read insignificant information about demonology.  Xander let out a frustrated sigh as he threw his book onto the ever-growing pile of useless texts and reached around Buffy to retrieve another book.  Buffy closed her eyes and inhaled the rich perfume of Xander’s warm blood; she could feel her mouth watering at the thought of the thick liquid washing down her throat. Licking her lips, she watched her friend’s neck eagerly, mesmerized by the pulse that was visibly pumping just beneath the surface.  She could feel the bones in her face shifting as her bloodlust threatened to overtake her senses, and suddenly the room seemed to echo with the loud thumps of her friend’s heartbeats.  Pulling on the last thread of her strength, Buffy threw herself from her chair and ran into the back room, trying to distance herself from the temptation of her friend’s enticing blood.

The heads of all the Scoobies shot up at Buffy’s hasty exit.  Spike was the first to reach the training room, bursting through the door to find Buffy madly clutching the pommel horse with her back facing him.  He could hear her taking deep, ragged breaths as she tried to calm her nerves.

“Buffy, pet—what’s wrong?” Spike asked hesitantly, placing a loving hand on her shoulder.  He could hear Giles and the others running into the room.  Then he sensed it.  Buffy’s bloodlust was radiating off of her in waves, and he could feel her body tense as her friends entered the room.

“Get back!” Spike yelled as the group advanced on the barely-restrained vampire.

“What’s wrong?” Giles asked with concern as he stopped dead in his tracks.

Spike clenched his jaw in frustration.  He knew how hard it would be for Buffy to fight her bloodlust with so many live meals nearby.  “Do you have any blood ‘ere?”

Giles’s eyes shot open at the realization of the situation.  “N-no I don’t… we’ll go get some.” With that said, Giles quickly ushered everyone out of the room, instructing them to lock the door and stay as far away from it as possible.  Nobody questioned him, all quite aware of their current situation.

Spike lightly ran his hand down Buffy’s back trying to comfort her.

“I don’t think I can do this, Spike.  It’s too hard.  I wanted to bite them… Oh god, I still do!” Buffy turned around and buried her face in Spike’s chest.  “Don’t let me hurt them… Oh, please don’t let me hurt them.”

“I won’t, luv, but you’ve got to fight it.  You have to be strong.”  Spike rubbed Buffy’s back as he spoke.  He could feel the tension in her body, and he knew if she really wanted to attack her friends there was no way he would be able to stop her.

Buffy sobbed as she tried to fight back her demon.  “I can’t fight it, Spike.  It’s too strong.  I can’t do this… Oh god, I can hear them!  I can hear their heartbeats.  I can smell their blood,” Buffy inhaled deeply taking in Spike’s scent.  “I can smell your blood too.”

Spike could feel Buffy nuzzling his neck, lightly running her fangs over his lifeless jugular, desperately trying to hold back her raging demon.  A vampire in the thrall of bloodlust wasn’t too picky as to what they bit, and Spike knew all too well that Buffy could drain him without a second thought.  He shuddered as Buffy buried her face in the crook of his neck, breathing in her sire’s unmistakable scent.  It was taking all of Spike’s control not to take Buffy right there on the training room floor as wildly erotic images of her feeding off him while he pumped into her at a feverish pace flooded his mind.  Blood and sex were pretty much par for the course for a vampire.  It’s what they existed for: blood, sex, and violence, preferably all at the same time.

Spike was jolted out of his fantasies by the sound of the training room door opening.  “What—are you lot daft?  Get out of here!”

Buffy began to struggle in Spike’s arms as the enticing smell hit her.  *Blood*--she could smell it, thick and rich.  Spike turned his head in time to see Xander dump a plastic bag on the floor before running out of the room.  He apparently wasn’t willing to wait around to see if he was on the dessert list.

Buffy shoved Spike aside and ran over to the discarded bag.  She quickly ripped open one of the many bags of blood, downing the first pint in mere seconds, and two more pints quickly followed.  By the fourth pint Buffy had been reduced to tears, feeling completely ashamed of herself, terrified for her friends, and totally frustrated at her lack of willpower.

Spike pulled Buffy into his arms, trying to comfort her as he rocked her back and forth. “S’alright, pet, s’alright.”

“No it’s not, Spike… I can’t do this.  I can’t live in constant fear of hurting my friends.  Do you know how close I was to biting them… to biting you?” Buffy sobbed out in a small voice.

“Yeah, pet, I do… what you’re goin’ through is totally normal.  I know how hard it is for you.  I’ve been there m’self,” he said, all the while stroking her hair.

“How do you do this every day?  How do you fight the bloodlust day in day out?” Buffy asked, pulling back to see Spike’s face.

Spike gave Buffy a small smile.  “It gets easier, pet.  In time.  As a vampire ages, they learn how to control their demon.  The way I see it, you have the restraint of a two-year-old fledgling, which is pretty damned amazing considering you’re only two days old.  Do you know how proud I am of you?  I know what it’s like to feel the hunger and have to fight it.  I know how painful it can be, and you fought it so well.  You’re so much stronger then you think, luv.”

Buffy gave Spike a dejected look.  “Is this your way of saying I acted like a two–year-old?”

Spike smiled.  “Something like that, pet.”

Buffy lowered her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair.  “So what am I supposed to do, run into the back room whenever I get a burst of bloodlust?”

“No, luv….  All you need to do is recognize the small signs of an upcoming feed.”

Buffy looked at Spike in absolute mystification.  “What signs?”

“Did you notice that your senses heightened a few minutes before you lost control?” he asked.

Buffy nodded her head. “Yeah.  Their smells were stronger, and their heartbeats seemed louder.”

Spike nodded his head.  “Those’re your first signs of hunger.  All you need to do is eat before you endanger any of your friends.”

“That’s all well and good, Spike, if I’m here or at home.  But what do I do if I’m at the mall or something with Dawn?” Buffy asked in a small voice.

“Simple, luv, just make sure you feed before you go out…  It gets easier, Buffy, I promise you.  Just give it some time, pet,” Spike explained, tenderly stroking Buffy’s hair.

Buffy gently pulled herself free from Spike’s embrace.  “There are other things, Spike.  I feel… When I was fighting Glory tonight, I lost control… I could feel this rage bubbling up inside of me… a-and I enjoyed it,” she finished, her head hung in obvious shame.

“I would have thought you would be used to that.  I mean, bein’ the Slayer ‘n all…”

Buffy shook her head.  “Um, no… t-this was different.  I, um…. I felt… It kinda….” 

“Turned you on?” Spike asked huskily.

Buffy blushed bright red with embarrassment.  “Yeah.”

Spike let out a small laugh.  “Welcome to the world of vampires, pet.  Nothin’ like a spot of violence to get the juices flowin’.”

Buffy lifted her head and stared at Spike in shocked relief.  “You mean it’s normal?  I’m not a freak?”

Spike laughed.  “Yeah, pet, it’s normal.  When you get down to the nitty gritty, being a vampire is pretty much just about blood and sex and fightin’.  There’s nothin’ wrong with you, pet… just the demon at work s’all.”

Buffy snorted.  “So, what?  I’m destined to walk around hungry and horny all the time?”

Spike laughed.  “Don’t know ‘bout that, luv… both those things are a pretty easy fix,” he teased, giving her a suggestive wink.

Buffy blushed again as the sudden thought of allowing Spike to be the one to ‘fix’ that problem rushed through her mind.  She could feel an all-too-familiar wetness forming between her thighs, the memory of how wonderful Spike’s firm body felt as he pressed her against the cold hard wall of that crypt earlier this evening still fresh in her mind.  The way his skillful tongue swept past her lips, tasting every crevice of her willing mouth… and that thought lead to another as she wondered what else he could do with that tongue.  She mentally groaned at visions of passionate sex that ended with her sinking her fangs into Spike’s willing neck… god how much she wanted that.  She broke herself out of her reverie, mentally scolding herself; she couldn’t believe she was getting turned on by the thought of biting Spike.  *Bad Buffy*.

~*~~*~~*~

Xander was nervously pacing the floor in front of the counter.  “What’s going on here, Giles?  I thought Buffy still had a soul.”

“She does have a soul, Xander.  But she is still a vampire… She just needs to learn how to control herself.  Please realise that all of this has got to be incredibly difficult for Buffy, and right now she needs our support.  More so than ever, I might say.”

Xander ran his fingers through his hair in frustration as he sat down on the bench next to Anya.  “I know…. I just can’t stand seeing her like that…. I mean, this is Buffy.  She defeated the Mayor and Adam.  I keep thinking that she’s strong enough to conquer the demon or something…. But then I see her like that and I feel so… so useless.”

Everyone sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts about Buffy.  What Xander had said had entered all of their minds at one time or another.  *Buffy can fight this.  She’ll be the first person to overcome vampirism.*  Seeing her so out of control and frightened, however, destroyed the naïve fantasies and succeeded in causing reality to come crashing back to earth.  Buffy was a vampire, and nothing could change that.  The only conciliation of this fact was that she hadn’t lost her humanity.

Dawn was the first to break the silence.  “She’s going to be alright, isn’t she?”  For some reason, seeing Buffy lash out at Xander in anger the night before hadn’t frightened her nearly as much as seeing her lose control for no apparent reason.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, Dawnie.  She’s just a little confused right now.   Spike will help her understand some of what she’s going through, and she’ll figure out the rest.  She’s tough, and so is he,” Tara assured the troubled teenager in a soothing tone.

Xander snorted.  “Yeah, I’m sure he’s showing her the ropes right now.”

Willow rolled her eyes at Xander’s latent jealousy.  “Xander, just give it a rest, okay!  If you had bothered to notice, Spike was just as worried for Buffy as the rest of us, and he was the first one to try to help, and the ONLY one who knew how to. I think he can help her through this, and if you’d get your head out of your butt for one minute you might be able to see that, too!”

“That’s just what I’m afraid of, Will.  I think he’s trying to help her right into his bed,” Xander said, clearly irritated by Willow’s outburst.

Willow raised her eyebrows and leant over the table towards Xander.  “And what would be so bad about that, Xander?”

Xander’s jaw dropped open in shock.  “You’re kidding, right?  This is Spike where talking about--an evil blood sucking vampire who’s tried to kill us a whole bunch of times!”

Willow relaxed back into her chair.  “That’s one way of looking at it….  But I’d rather look at it from another angle.  Spike isn’t really evil anymore….”

“Only because of the chip!” Xander butted in.

“No, I don’t think so.  If Spike really wanted to hurt Buffy, or any of us for that matter, he could have set us up at any time.  Just because he can’t personally kill any of us, doesn’t make him incapable of hiring a mob of demons to do the job for him.  He could have let Harmony take us all out, Xander, or had her sire minions to do it for him.  I think it goes deeper than the chip.  I think he really does love Buffy, and that’s why he’s changed.  Just look at what he went through with Glory.  She broke so many bones in his body, it took him weeks to recover, and he didn’t say a word.  He could have told her about Dawn, or for that matter even told her that any one of us was the key, but he didn’t.  And as for a blood sucking vampire, hello?!  What do you think Buffy is now?” Willow added with a shrug of her shoulders.  “Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying I think Buffy and Spike should start running for Perfect Couple of the Year.  But if she’s got feelings for Spike and wants to act on them, I’m not going to judge her, and neither should you.  She’s a big girl, Xander, and there’s no way Buffy would let Spike take advantage of her.  And if he’s stupid enough to try…. Well, you saw the damage she inflicted on him the other night.  Imagine what she would do to him if he really pissed her off.”

Xander listened to Willow in stunned silence, unable to come up with a convincing counter argument and therefore wisely keeping quiet.  He didn’t think yelling ‘liar-liar pants on fire’ would be considered a particularly mature retort.  Finally he turned to Giles as the court of last resort.  “So what do you think of all this?” he asked, hoping against hope that the level-headed Englishman would side with him on the whole ‘Spike = evil’ issue.

Giles turned thoughtful eyes to Xander.  “Well, I happen to agree with much of what Willow has had to say.  I-I believe that Buffy’s going through a torment which none of us could possibly try to comprehend, and through which none of us can truly guide and aid her in any quantifiable way.  I feel she needs our support and understanding, and I also feel that she needs Spike.  No matter what, ahh, relationship she chooses to have with him, she obviously places a great deal of trust in him and more importantly seems to trust herself much more when she is in his presence.  She needs someone to confide in, and it could well be that Spike is the only person with whom she feels safe enough to share her thoughts and feelings at this juncture.”

“Hear,hear!” Dawn seconded with a grin.

Xander couldn’t help but smile at Dawn’s playful softening of Giles’ and Willow’s lectures.  “Okay, okay, I get it.  Buffy needs Spike.  So I’ll play nice… doesn’t mean I have to like it though,” he mumbled as an afterthought.

“That’s the spirit, honey,” Anya said with a bright smile as she patted Xander’s hand affectionately.

No one seemed to notice Spike standing near the doorway to the training room until he cleared his throat, and everyone turned startled eyes towards him in response to the gravelly noise.  Spike was sporting a huge grin, no doubt caused by the fact that he had heard most of the conversation between the Watcher, the Witch, and the Whelp.

Willow blushed when Spike gave her a wink, clearly indicating that he’d heard her comment.

Giles stared expectantly at the blonde vampire.  “Oh, Spike, we didn’t see you there…. How is Buffy?  I trust that she’s feeling better?”

Spike nodded his head as he walked over to the table.  “Yeah… she’s just a little freaked at the moment.  She wants to head home, get some rest.  You okay with taking the Lil’ Bit home with you?”

“Yes, yes, of course.  Dawn’s welcome to stay with me for as long as necessary.”

Spike nodded his head.  “Thanks, Watcher.”  With that he turned and retreated into the back room where Buffy awaited him.

Buffy jumped up from her position on the floor as Spike re-entered the room.  “Are they okay?”

“Yeah, pet, they’re fine… You ready to go?”

Buffy nodded her head.  “Yeah.”

Both Buffy and Spike exited the training room via the back door into the alley, as Buffy was still feeling far too self-conscious and anxious to face her friends.  She wouldn’t have blamed them if they said they never wanted to see her again after the way she had acted tonight.  She must have scared them half out of their wits.

On the way home, Spike made a quick stop by his crypt to grab a few things, since it had become apparent that Buffy had no intentions of letting him out of her sight.  She felt so vulnerable and exposed whenever Spike left her side, but for some reason she felt more confident and in control of herself with him around.  Perhaps it was the thought of him being able to hold her back if her demon decided to return full force… Even as this thought entered her mind Buffy brushed it aside, knowing full well that Spike really had no chance of restraining her if she wanted to attack.  But somehow, him just being there made her feel more secure and more in control of herself.

Before long, the two blonde vampires once again arrived at Buffy’s house.  They both shrugged off their coats, throwing them over the back of the couch as Spike placed his small bag of clothing on the floor by the door.

Buffy suddenly became all too aware of her dishevelled state as she looked down at her muddy top and dirty jeans.  “Ugh… I’m a mess.  I’m just gonna have a shower, ‘kay.”

Spike nodded his head.  “Okay, luv… think I might just grab something to eat.”

“Okay,” Buffy called, already halfway up the stairs.

Spike listened to the running shower as he drank his mugs of warm pig’s blood.  He couldn’t help but smile to himself over his current situation.  This just felt so normal and domestic, leaning back against the kitchen counter, drinking a mug of blood while he waited for Buffy to finish in the bathroom.  *Yes, unlife is definitely looking up…* he mused to himself, only to have his thoughts interrupted by the sound of Buffy’s voice calling down the stairs. 

“Shower’s free if you want one.” 

His smile only grew wider at the sound of Buffy’s sweet voice.  *A bloke could get use to this,* he thought as he rinsed out his mug and headed upstairs to get cleaned up.

When Spike entered the bathroom, his nostrils flared as his senses were overwhelmed by the scent of Buffy.  He could smell the soft perfume of her shampoo, combined with the sweet flowery scent of her soap and the underlying scent that was just so distinctly hers.  His smile spread even wider.  *Yep definitely could get used to this,* he thought, turning on the shower and squeezing a small amount of shampoo into his hand.

~*~~*~~*~

Buffy had just finished getting dressed and was walking down the hallway on her way downstairs when the bathroom door opened, revealing a half-naked Spike.  The only thing keeping him semi-decent was a damp, loosely tied towel wrapped around his waist.  Buffy came to a dead stop, her eyes almost popping out of her head as she stared at Spike’s marble white chest and washboard abs.

“Spike!  I, um… I w-was heading down stairs to lock up the chest… HOUSE!  I mean house.  Don’t want a hardbody… I-I mean, anybody breaking in while we sleep.”  Buffy mentally cringed, *get a grip girl, it’s still just Spike… yummy naked Spike with the chest and the abs and the… why couldn’t he just accidentally drop his towel?*  “I mean, just because vampires need to be invited in doesn’t mean other demons are so easily stripped…. STOPPED!”  Buffy blushed bright red.  God, she couldn’t believe she was acting like some sort of adolescent schoolgirl.  She was a grown woman, and she had seen naked men before.  *None of them looked like him before, though… stop it!  Bad bad Buffy!*  “I’m just gonna go be somewhere… else.  Now,” she said finally as she pointed towards the stairs. 

Spike raised his scarred eyebrow in amusement as he watched Buffy ramble.  “I’ll join you.”

“What?!” Buffy yelped as she spun on her heels, returning her attention to the imminently droolworthy vampire standing half-naked in her hallway.

Spike smirked.  “I said I’ll join you, pet… forgot to bring my clothes up here.”

Buffy plastered a fake smile on her face, desperately trying to cover up the heated blush that was creeping up her cheeks.  “Oh… I hadn’t noticed,” she said lamely as she turned away from Spike, cursing herself under her breath at her pathetic attempt to act cool.

Spike inwardly chuckled to himself; he had no idea he could have this kind of effect on Buffy without even touching her.  *Should walk around naked more often,* he thought as he followed a very embarrassed and flustered Buffy downstairs.

Once downstairs, Buffy quickly busied herself checking to ensure that all the windows and doors were locked.  Spike watched her for a moment before grabbing up the plastic bag containing his few items of clothing and sauntering back upstairs.

Once Buffy was sure Spike was no longer watching her, she turned and watched him ascend the stairs, admiring the back view almost as much as she had the front.  *Mmm… yummy.*  Once the blonde vampire was out of view, Buffy pressed her back against the front door, allowing herself to slide to the floor as she tried to clear her head.  *Wow-wow-wow, oh god wow.*

Spike could hardly hold back the laughter caused by Buffy’s behaviour.  He knew she was watching him as he walked back up the stairs, and once he rounded the corner he heard her small body slump against the door, followed by the scraping sound of her sliding to the floor.  He chuckled lightly to himself as he walked into the bathroom to get dressed, although he thought it would prove to be a far more entertaining evening if he went sans-clothes for the duration.  Listening to Buffy’s tongue-tied ramblings alone would be worth it. 

Buffy shook her head in disgust at her behaviour.  *Good god girl, anyone would think you’ve never seen a naked man before.* A mischievous grin spread across her lips, *but he sure has a nice chest though… cute butt, too. Bad Buffy!  Shut up, little voice!* Buffy shook her head to clear it and headed upstairs, far too tired to analyse this any longer.  As she ascended the last step she nearly bumped into a now fully-clothed Spike.

“Sorry, luv.  Didn’t expect to see you there.”

Buffy smiled back.  “Its okay….You’d be surprised just how often I hear that.”

Spike smiled as he looked into Buffy’s eyes.  “You off to bed now?’

Buffy nodded her head and choked back a yawn.  “Yeah, I’m pretty worn out… Having to fight a hellgod and all that.”

Spike smiled.  “Okay, luv, I’ll see you in the morning,” he replied as he turned and walked towards his room.

“Spike?” Buffy asked in a slightly anxious tone.

“Yeah, pet?”

“Will you stay with me…? I mean I’m only gonna wake up screaming anyway, might as well just start off in the same bed….” Buffy said with a slight blush.

Spike held back a smirk.  “Sure, pet.”

Buffy smiled. “Thanks.”

Chapter 10

Chapter 12

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