Hell's Bells

Buffy and Willow stand staring at something off camera. Both look horrified. Thunder rolls in the background- lightning flashes around them.

"Buffy- It's hideous." Willow gasps. "Oh my God, Buffy. Look at its arms."

"I know. But its my duty." Cut to - a mirror. Buffy and Willow behold their dresses in all of their hideous splendour. "I'm- Buffy the Bridesmaid."

"Duty, schmuty." Willow shakes her head. "I'm supposed to be best man. Shouldn't I be all- Marlene Dietrichy- in a stunning tuxedo number?"

"NO." Buffy glares. "That would be totally unfair. We must share equally in the cosmic joke that is bridemaidsdom." Buffy sits as Willow continues to eye herself in the glass.

"Well, maybe if I ask Anya- I can still go with the traditional blood larvae and burlap. I mean she was like a Vengeance Demon for a thousand years. She must know all the most flattering- larvae." Willow moans and cringes- through all of this she looks physically ill. "What was she thinking?"

"I think she's probably too stressed to be thinking right now. What with Xander's relatives and her-" Buffy squinches her nose. "-demons."

"Oh my God, last night- the rehearsal dinner- that was like a zoo without table manners." Willow says. "I bet it got worse after we left."

"I just can't believe that everyone bought that story about Anya's people being 'Circus Folk'." Buffy says, as she stands. "Did you see that guy with the tentacles? What's he supposed to be? Inky The Squid Boy?"

"And Xander's family- I haven't seen them that bad since my Bat Mitzvah." Willow pauses. "Ugh. Did you see how much they drank?"

"Kinda." Buffy says, wrinkling her nose. "Mr. Harris threw up in my purse."

Anya appears at the door from the hallway. She's in her housecoat. "Oh!" She says, covering her mouth with her hands, "Ohhhhhh. You guys look so beautiful!" Anya rushes forward to embrace the two. "This is the happiest day of my life!"

Willow and Buffy look at each other behind Anya's head. Buffy's bemused. Willow still looks disgusted.

**

"You see my cufflinks, Uncle Rory?" Xander asks. He stands in the kitchen. "Little metal deals- hold my sleeves together?"

Uncle Rory- a grey haired man dressed in a purple bath robe is leaning over the counter- fiddling with the coffee maker. The bathrobe falls open revealing bright red boxers and a large belly. "Aw," Uncle Rory says "you don't want those- what you want is Velcro. Did I ever tell you how that was my idea?" He winks.

"Excuse me- coming through." A man with hair like a balding Carrottop and very bumpy skin enters the room. He's wearing a dress shirt and slacks. "Hey- how ya doing?" He pats Xander on the back companionably- then makes his way to the fridge- opening it as Cousin Carol and a young girl stare.

"Rory?" Xander asks, gesturing at the coffeemaker. "Whatcha doing there?"

"Well, I'm trying to make myself an Irish Coffee" Rory mumbles- his head close to the coffeemaker. "But this stupid thing is on the fritz."

"Hey-yeh." Xander protests, "watch it- that thing's still plugged in."

Suddenly Rory starts to jerk and his face goes red. Xander runs over, and grabs for the plug. Then Rory, turns- looks at him- "Gottcha."

The red-haired demon walks over from the fridge- gestures to Rory. "Oh- is that broken? You want me to take a look at that?" He offers.

"Knock yourself out there, Kevin." Rory moves the coffeemaker to the other countertop.

"Uh, it's Krelvin."

"Right- right, Krelvin" Rory mutters.

The door opens from the outside- A woman dressed in rain hat and coat enters with a man in tuxedo and overcoat. They've come in from the rain.

The man taps his watch. "Xander- you're not ready yet." In the background, the woman is complaining about her hair.

"Course it doesn't really matter, since I won't really BE in any of the pictures." She mutters, walking over to Xander.

Xander, his stress level having at least tripled with their entrance, shakes his arms. "You'll be in the pictures, Mom."

Krelvin looks up form the coffeemaker- nods to the woman. "I think you hair looks lovely." Xander's Dad looks up- clearly threatened.

Aunt Carol offers some breakfast to Xander's parents as his mother continues to fret about the wedding pictures.

Mr. Harris gestures with a coffee cup toward Krelvin. "That's one of hers- right?" He mutters- then leans over to Krelvin. "Hey- you're one of hers, right?"

"You met Krelvin already Dad," Xander walks toward the two men.

Krelvin looks over at Xander. "Yeah- we've met. You said I resembled your- uh- Mother-in-Law."

Xander's Mother protests against the comparison as Mr. Harris mumbles that he does remember.

Krelvin continues, "And then you hit me with a cocktail wiener- and, and then you insulted my heritage."

"Heritage?" Mr. Harris sneers, "Being circus folks is suddenly 'heritage' now." Cut to Xander- leaning on against the sink. He looks defeated - his mother comes over to button up the rest of his shirt- as Mr. Harris continues. "I mean no disrespect." Krelvin eyes him, knowing exactly what the man means. "You come from a long, proud, line of geeks."

Xander brushes his mother off- moves to leave the kitchen as his father protests that he is kidding. Carol cuts him off. She asks Xander if perhaps, Krelvin is available. Xander doesn't pay attention. He's busy looking from one of side of her head to the other.

"Cousin Carol," Xander says, more exasperated than surprised. "your earrings are my cufflinks."

Carol is unabashed- says oops, and unfastens the cufflinks from her ears.

"Excellent. Cufflinks. Check. We're rolling." Xander shakes his fist holding the cufflinks in the air, then speaks the words that seal his fate. "Nothing on Earth can stop this wedding now!"

**

Outside. It's pouring rain. An old man steps out of a burning slash in the air. He opens a red umbrella and walks purposefully down the sidewalk.

**

Credits and Commercial

**

Xander bloats under stress- his cummerbund doesn't fit. Buffy stands behind him, pulling and tugging at the piece of cloth.

"Is it too small?" Xander grunts. Buffy replies in the negative, continues to pull. "It fit when I picked up the tux- how could it not fit now?" He gasps.

"It'll fit." Buffy looks at Xander's back dubiously.

"Aw man, what if it doesn't? What if I can't wear a cummerbund and then the whole world will see the place where my pants meet my shirt!" Xander is getting worked up. "And that cannot happen. I must wear DAS CUMMBERBUND."

"And. So. You. Shall!" Buffy gives a final tug- and beams. She did it.

"You got it!" Xander is equally pleased, he turns to her.

Buffy shrugs. "Slayer strength." She starts to do his bow-tie.

"I've been meaning on cutting down on that habit-forming oxygen." Xander says, straightening.

"Look at you." Buffy says, "You look great. Mr. About-to-get-Married. Glowing." She smiles up at Xander. He grins back. She looks at him in sudden horror. "Oh my God," She gasps, "maybe you're pregnant."

He grins, "Maybe. I dunno. Maybe just happy."

Buffy looks up, she's still playing with the bowtie. Her eyes glisten and she crinkles her nose.

"Teary." Xander says, questioning.

"Oh." Buffy flutters. "Oh. Good teary."

"Happy teary. Not- frustrated with bowtie teary?" Xander looks down at the tie- it's not getting anywhere.

"Yes. Happy. Happy for you- that makes happy for me." She replies. "You and Anya give me hope. You two are proof that there's light at this very long, long, nasty tunnel." She pauses. "And I cannot tie this tie. Where is your best man? Isn't she supposed to be here to do this?"

"Oh. She said that she had something important to do." Xander replies.

**

Willow is fastening small pear buttons on Anya's dress. Tara is helping. They're making eyes at each other.

"Are you guys even listening?" Anya asks, She's got her hair in rollers and a blue gel-mask covers her eyes. "I need feedback, people."

"Sorry," Tara says, nodding. She too is wearing a bridesmaid's dress. "Please continue with the vows."

"I Anya, promise to love you, to cherish you, to honour you, but not to obey you, of course, because that is antichloristic and misogynistic, and who do you think you are, like a sea captain or ah, something, um, however, I do entrust you with...what? Something funny?"

Anya looks down at Tara and Willow, who are busy giggling quietly- its hard to tell if they're really listening to Anya- they're still making eyes at each other as they button Anya's dress.

Tara responds, smirking. "Uh, no, nothing sweetie- just, uh. Keep still."

"Blah blah, blah blah... misogynistic... blah blah.. I entrust you with my heart." Anya finds her spot. "Take care of my heart, won't you please? Take care of it because it's all that I have, and if you let me, I'll take care of your heart too. I'll protect it, and tend to it- like a little stray. Wait, no. Like a little mangy stray- that needs a home. No. That's not it either."

Through all of this, Tara and Willow glance at each other- and up at Anya. They grin and flirt.

"Uh," Tara interrupts, "I think we're all set her- let's take a look at you."

Both Tara and Willow sigh and admire Anya's dress. She does look lovely- the dress is ivory, with seed pearls scattered across it. It's form fitting, sleeveless, and ends in a flare like the green bridesmaids' dresses- but more flowing.

"It's probably the blush of imprudent spending." Anya sighs. "Do you think Xander will like it?"

Anya is gleeful. She wants to see Xander, but the girls remind her that she can't yet- tradition and all.

"Right." Anya breaths. "I can't get all these ridiculous traditions straight. Well- what if I'm not in my dress when I see him?" Willow shakes her head and Anya continues. "Okay- no sex. Cuddling?" Tara and Anya grin, and Anya continues to gush. "Its just that I'm so excited- and I want to share it all with my best friend. I get to be with my best friend forever. Yay!" Anya squeaks.

Willow and Tara smile, bemused and overtaken by Anya's joy.

**

The Wedding Hall. It's still raining as various cars and trucks pull up to the building. Inside, guests are greeted and coats taken.

Dawn is busy helping. She is also wearing a green bridesmaid dress, and has her hair tied back in a ponytail. She looks pretty in spite of the dress.

Uncle Rory is making an ass of himself- he's hijacked a young caterer and taken her for his 'date'. He gives her some tips on taxidermy.

Dawn walks through the guests to the door- where she encounters D'Hoffryn bearing a gift. Dawn's fine with D'Hoffryn- but balks when she sees Halfrek (wearing a bridesmaid's dress) come in behind him. Halfek attempts to ingratiate herself to Dawn, but Dawn brushes her off. She's clearly unhappy at the 'Justice' Demon's presence.

D'Hoffryn berates Halfrek for working- they're not there to do vengeance- they're there to mingle.

As Dawn places D'Hoffryn's squirming gift on the table, she spots Spike come in. Spike has a girl lolling in his arms- a punkish, woman wearing garish makeup and clothing. He looks around, levering the girl in beside him. Spike's obviously looking for someone to see him.

Spike's wearing all black- his block button-down, duster, jeans, and boots. His hair is a bit curly and he skimped on the gel.

"Spike!" Spike turns and Dawn greets him, then eyes widen- taking in Spike's 'companion'.

Spike sniffs a bit, puffing himself up. He looks around the room. "Uh. I want you to meet my date."

"Hi. I'm Dawn." She greets the punk-girl, eyeing her.

Punk-girl eyes back, unimpressed. "Uhn-hunh."

Spike sniffs again, accents the word 'date' each time he says it. "So yeah. Anyway, that's my date. She's with me. My date for the wedding." He's obviously only there to show off the date- he can't muster anything else to say.

"Yeahh, okay. Well." Dawn smiles- awkward. "Nice meeting you." And walks off.

**

The guests are mingling. Clem is dressed in a grey suit. He's standing with another demon (a man with small spaghetti-like tentacles hanging from his chin), Cousin Carol, and Uncle Rory. They discuss the 'heritage' of 'circus folk' and bringing up of children. Carol insists that the Harris' are very broad minded- they are, after all, Episcopalian.

Meanwhile, Xander's Dad sits at the bar. He slams a shot glass on the bar, and asks the dubious bartender for another. He's already very drunk and ranting about marriage.

In the background, The Old Man from the teaser walks among the guests. He's looking around.

**

Xander stands dressed in his tuxedo. He's nervous with anticipation. Buffy looks him over.

"How do I look?" Xander asks.

"Well lets see" Buffy eyes him. "Found your shoes, your fly's zipped. I'd say you look about ready to get married." Xander's eyes go wide, and she stands, comes over to him. "You're one of the decent ones, Xander." She takes him by the arms. "I hope I'm lucky as you guys some day."

Xander tilts his head, smiles. "You wanna get lucky? I've still got- what, fifteen, twenty minutes." He jokes, smiling.

Buffy grins widely, grabbing Xander into a big hug. "Oh. Alright- Into the breach with you." She pulls away, looks at him with semi-seriousness.

"Okay- breach me." Xander replies, as Buffy leads him to the door. "Now," Xander says, getting into business. "lets go over the list one more time. Number one-"

"Don't let your Dad near the bar." Buffy replies.

"Ok- Number two-" He prompts.

"Don't let your Mom near the bar." She responds- as Dawn rounds the hall behind them.

"Hey, Buffy- Spike's here, and he brought a total skank." Dawn says.

"Uh-"

"A skank- a manicked, panicked, freak who he's like totally macking with, right in the middle of the room." Buffy stops walking, turns to look at Dawn. "I saw him shove his tongue-"

"Spike brought a date?" Buffy asks.

"Yeah." Dawn says, looking amused. "Wait until you see her."

Xander, looking unabsorbed by the development with Spike, takes his leave. "Guys- I better go meet and greet."

Buffy tells him to go ahead- she'll be a second.

**

Xander- at the door to the reception hall- stands and takes a big breath before entering. He opens the door onto the crowd- and is promptly swamped- relatives patting him on the back- another pinching his cheeks.

He encounters his mother- who complains about the seating arrangements. Then Rory, who wants to discuss photography. Then Dawn, who has realized that one of the presents has escaped. All the while- the Old Man tries to get his attention.

The Old Man pulls him from the mob and tells Xander that he cannot get married today. Xander mistakes the man for a kooky relative- and tries to dismiss him. But the Old Man tells him that HE is Xander Harris- the future Xander.

**

Commercials

**

Xander promptly dismisses the old man as a nut- and 'Future' Xander gets angry, almost physical. Their conversation is interrupted by Mr. Harris' drunken call for a toast.

Mr. Harris' toast starts as a tribute to Mrs. Harris- but degenerates into a rant against marriage. Clem and the other demonic guests eye each other- they really dread Xander's Dad.

'Future' Xander brings out a glowing orb- and frustrated, but almost relieved to get distracted from his father's rant- Xander follows 'Future' Xander to another room.

Mr. Harris' speech further degenerates into a rant against Anya's guests- causing Clem to grumble, and "Squid Guy" to nearly start a fight with Mr. Harris. But Buffy saves the moment- dragging Mr. Harris away from the bar.

"Nice chassis- what's under the hood?" Mr. Harris says to Buffy- leering with a cat-like growl.

Buffy tries to get Mr. Harris to get a cup of coffee, but he continues. "Hey- what do you say we slip in the back room, and I show you my…"

"You finish that sentence, and I guarantee that you won't have anything to show." Buffy warns.

Meanwhile, Spike leans against the wall in the background as Buffy drags Mr. Harris away. The Punk-girl is busy ogling Spike, fingering his duster, but Spike's attention follows Buffy.

**

"Future" Xander leads Xander into a quiet room. The Old Man holds the magic orb. The orb swirls and glows with burgundy light.

"What is it?" Xander asks.

"It's magic. Very powerful. Look at it. You'll see what I've seen. Feel what I've felt." The Old Man's gaze grows more intent.

Xander stares at the orb. A beam of light emits from the object, and hits Xander in the forehead. Suddenly, Xander's body swirls up into the beam and is sucked into the orb.

**

Xander sits in a lazy-boy. He's holding a beer. A television (very nice- widescreen) sits across from him. He's still wearing the tuxedo.

It's a living-room. Laundry lays piled on the ironing board, the room is in disarray.

"Anya." Xander mutters, then shouts.

Two children run into the room- a boy (about eight) and a girl (about six). The boy is chasing the girl and taunting her. The boy is human, but the girl is not. Xander ignores them.

Anya appears at the entryway. She's tucking in her clothing. "What" She says sullenly.

"You going out again?" Xander asks.

"I'm doing a makeover party." She replies, picking up a basket of garbage.

"I though you hated those." Xander says, looking at her clothes. She's dressed professionally- a red suit skirt.

"Well, one of us has to make some money." She replies airily.

"Well, what do you want me to do Anya- hunh? I can't work. My back's shot."

"And who's fault is that?" She looks at him, still picking up garbage and putting it in the can.

"Ah no, no, no. Not the Buffy thing."

"You had no business fighting demons with her."

"Buffy needed me. I had to help." Xander retorts, looking desperate.

"Well, it didn't save her, did it? All it did was ruin our lives." Anya pauses, looks over at him- disgusted. "I'll be late." She puts down the garbage can and exits.

"I hope you crash in your stupid pink car!" Xander shouts at the closing door- bitterness laces his voice.

**

Flash to a restaurant. The kids are teens. Anya looks haggard and aged. Xander is unchanged- still in his tuxedo.

The daughter complains and argues with her brother.

"Least I'm not a demonic freak." The son says.

"Dad- make him cut it!" The girl protests.

"Maybe you should talk to your mother about that." Xander looks at he daughter, contempt fills him.

Anya looks at Xander sideways. "You've had too much wine."

"Have I?" Xander throws his fork down. "I'm just saying- maybe you should talk to YOUR daughter!"

"Ugh." The daughter gets up from the table. "I hate you guys. And I know you're not my real dad- and I hate you. I hate you both- and I wish, I wish you'd die."

Anya continues to move food on her plate and Xander drinks his wine as the girl walks away.

**

Flash to the kitchen. It's a bit disordered. Dishes are piled up.

Xander's voice comes from off-camera. "If you're so unhappy, then why didn't you just leave?"

Anya's voice is also off-camera as the shot shows the kitchen. "I wanted to- I should have."

Anya- now about her 60s, sits across form Xander at the dining room table. Xander is still un-aged and in his tuxedo.

"Maybe you should have- then maybe I could've gotten some touch in the past twenty years." Xander snorts.

"I wasn't the one who stopped touching!" Anya yells.

"Oh-ho. Maybe." Xander stands, anger spread across his face. "But you weren't touching me!" He stalks over to the sink.

"Well- what did you expect me to do?" Anya leans across the table, contempt in her voice. "You wouldn't come near me after Buffy-"

Xander grabs his hair- furious. His voice cracks. "Don't bring her into this!"

"Fine. Forget her." Anya sneers. "Maybe you were just born to be a bitter, angry, old man."

"Shut up."

"No. I want my life back- If hadn't married you, I wouldn't have had to hate myself for the last THIRTY YEARS." She shrieks.

Xander picks up a frying pan from the stove,. "SHUT UUP!" He screams- as he swings the frying pan over and down**-

**

Flash back to reality. The light leaves Xander's face. The Old Man stands before him.

Xander is upset- his face radiates pain and confusion.

The Old man explains that the orb showed Xander a glimpse of his future- what 'Future' Xander came to him to prevent.

Xander wants to know what happened- did he hurt Anya?

The Old Man won't tell Xander. He explains that Xander cannot marry Anya or all that he's seen will come to be.

"Sometimes," the Old Man says, "two people- all they bring each other- is pain."

Xander looks down, his eyes are filled with tears. He's hurt beyond belief.

**

Buffy walks down the hallway. She spots Spike, pauses. He leans against the wall by the door. He's alone- maybe waiting for the Punk-girl. He looks weary.

Spike sighs, then looks up- sees Buffy. He leans forward slightly, then looks at the floor.

Buffy is hesitant- but she wants to talk to him. She clenches her hands, and unclenches, then walks toward him.

"Hello, Buffy." He says, quietly- looks her in the eyes.

Buffy smiles softly, "Hey."

"It's a happy occasion." Spike says, looking out onto the floor- where others are mingling- smiles. Then, changing track, he puffs up a bit- looks haughty. "You meet my friend?"

"No." Buffy says softly, but directly. "Not yet. But she seemed like a very - a very nice attempt at making me jealous."

Spike's cheekbones flare- he breathes out quickly from his nose. A bit put out with Buffy's seeing through him- but also not very surprised. "Is it working?"

"A little." Spike didn't expect the honesty- he lowers his eyebrows a bit. Waits for her to continue. "It doesn't change anything, but if you're wildly curious, yeah, it hurts." Buffy's being brutally honest- with him, and herself.

Spike's expression flashes regret. "I'm sorry," He says- then Spike closes his eyes- changes track. "Or- good." He places emphasis on the 'd', hard faced, then as Buffy smiles, he looks out at the gathering- recognises that he has no need to be here- that his goal had been petty. "Do you want us to go?"

"No, no," She flutters a bit. "You have every right to be here. And I pretty much deserve..."

Spike stops Buffy, looks pointedly at her. "That's not true, you- " He stops, rolls his eyes and stares at the ceiling. "God, this is hard." he sighs.

"Yeah."

Spike stands straighter. "I think we'll go."

"Go where?" Buffy is showing her jealousy- doesn't care. "Your place?"

Spike nods. "Yeah." Blinking a few times, he drawls, "I suppose." breathes in. "That WAS the idea." Spike's hands are in his pockets- and he sways a bit backwards and forwards- awkward.

"Yeah." Buffy breaths a laugh ruefully, understanding.

He raises hand- then like he's presenting the obvious- "Evil." He nods a few times.

"Of course." Buffy also nods, again with the understanding.

"Annh, but I won't-" He gestures out to the gathering, "Or-" then stops. He's getting nowhere with this. It's too awkward- and she understands. He sighs. "I'll just go. Give my best or whatever to the happy couple-" Spike rolls his eyes, not sure what he wants to say.

Buffy nods "I will."

Spike pauses again, changes track. He sighs, looks at her with longing. "It's nice to watch you be happy." He looks out into the gathering again, nods in the direction of the others. "For them, even." He pauses, breathes in and looks at her. "I don't see it a lot." Spike's voice gets gruff, he looks to her- remarking on her appearance. "You glow." He tilts his head, regards her, and smiles.

Buffy smiles softly, happy- then looks down. "That's because the dress is radioactive," Spike leans forward and breathes in a quiet chuckle- they share a grin.

"I should- " Buffy ventures- it's time for her to go back to the guests.

He nods, understands. "Yeah." Then, as she walks past him, he turns. Looks at her seriously. "But it hurts?"

Buffy turns to face him- serious. "Yeah."

"Thanks." Spike says, needing the acknowledgement. His jaw set, he walks away.

Buffy watches him go. "You're welcome." She says quietly- her resolve face set.

Spike walks to the exit. The Punk-girl is walking to him. "Let's go, then." He says, taking her hand. The Punk-girl gestures to the floor, confused- asks about the wedding. "Let's just piss off, all right?" Spike replies, taking her out the door.

**

Xander is in the Hall's kitchen. He's pacing and rubbing his head. Willow enters.

"I'll say this for the Y chromosome- looks good in a tux." She walks up to Xander, grinning and appraising.

"Well, your double X doesn't look too bad there either." Xander replies, eying Willow up and down.

Willow and Xander get a bit sappy- and hug. Each tells the other that they love them. Xander looks lost. He's sad and hope seems to be gone form him. Willow either doesn't notice- or she takes it for the wedding jitters.

Willow asks Xander if he's ready to go. He says that he's got to go over a few things yet. Willow leaves- saying "It's not like we can start the wedding without you."

**

Anya is in her preparation room- still going over her vows. Tara sits on the couch watching. She's tired and a bit bored.

Anya is ready for the wedding. Her hair is done- all waves and curls tied back. She's got a long billow train that matches the flare on the bottom of the dress.

"I Anya, promise to cherish you," Anya says, then shakes her head. "Ew, no. Not cherish- ah… I promise, to have sex with you whenever I want. And uh, pledge to be your friend, your wife, and your confidant." She looks earnest. "And your sex poodle."

Tara interrupts- "Ah- sex poodle?"

"Yeah- what?"

"I'm not sure you should say- sex poodle in your vows."

Anya looks like she thinks this is odd- another 'tradition' she can't figure out. "Hunh."

Cut to the wedding hall, where the String Quartet begins to play. The guests are all sitting- Clem is sitting on the groom's side.

Cut back to Anya. "The music! They're playing the music!" She's giddy and happy. "This is it."

Buffy opens the door and peeks her head into the room. "Are you ready to go?" She asks- just as she pulled back into the hall by Willow. The door shuts.

"He's gone." Willow says desperately, "Xander disappeared."

**

Commercial

**

Buffy and Willow stand in the hall outside Anya' s room.

"Xander's gone? Buffy asks. "What should we do?"

"I'm going to look for him. I going to find him." Willow says. "And- and, you're going to stall."

Willow walks away. Buffy returns to the room.

"Oh, heh. Sorry about that." She closes the door, starts to wring her hands. "There's just going to be uh, a little bit of a delay."

"Why?" Anya asks, "What's wrong?"

Tara moves over to Buffy- Tara can see that 'something' is wrong. Anya is oblivious to Buffy's body language.

"Nothing!" Buffy says. "Nothing's wrong- its just the uh, it's the minister. He had- uh, to go, and perform an emergency C-section."

"C-section?!" Anya isn't so clueless to know ministers don't normally do that.

"Yeah-uh. He's, he's ah, not just a minister- uh- he's also a doctor. He's half minister, half doctor. He's, he's, a Minitor." Buffy explains, "Not of course, to be confused with a Minotaur, because he's all man-ness- Doctor. Minister. Man. No bull parts whatsoever."

Anya gets the point, she turns to the mirror- fusses with her dress. "Unh hunh."

"So, uh." Buffy says, "It'll just be a couple of minutes." She looks at Tara, proud to have explained it so well.

"Okay." Anya says. Buffy retreats out the door.

Anya goes back to practicing her vows. "Okay. For the last time." The camera pans slowly onto Anya- slow notes begin to play in the background. "I Anya, want to marry you, Xander, because I love you, and I'll always love you. And before I knew you I was like a completely different person- Not even a person, really."

The camera cuts to the street as Anya continues in the background. It's pouring and windy- a bit like a hurricane. Xander walks along the street- oblivious to the rain. His shoulders are fixed and tense, he walks slowly- with no direction. As he nears the camera we can see that he's lost and alone in his mind.

"I've seen what love can do to people." Anya says in the background. "and it was- hurt and sadness. Alone was better. And then, suddenly, there was you. And you knew me. And you saw me. And it was this- thing. You make me feel safe and warm." The camera cuts back to Anya, standing in thought. "So, I get it now. I finally get love, Xander. I really do."

**

Cut to the guests. Halfrek and D'Hoffryn sit in the front two rows of the Bride's side. Halfrek, wearing her bridesmaid dress is sitting in the front row. She's impatient.

Cousin Carol and a girl (her daughter) express their boredom.

Buffy stalks into the room- and down the aisle. The String Quartet starts to play the wedding march. She gestures for them to stop. "No- no- it's uh. It's not what you think." She goes up to the podium- talks quietly with the minister.

Meanwhile, Carol- wipes her eyes of tears- then starts to flirt with Krelvin- who sits across the aisle from her. Krelvin flirts back.

Buffy smiles at the assembly and walks back down the aisle- as the String Quartet starts the music for the exit of the bride. Buffy glares at the group.

The assembly starts to get restless- Mr. Harris gets up and stalks off.

**

Anya is still in her preparation room- pacing now. "I mean, I am sorry. But what the hell was that minister thinking?" She asks Tara- who attempts to explain, but Anya cuts her off. "I mean- delivering a baby- on my special day? I mean, it's totally rude of him- and the mother. I mean- why couldn't he have just told her to hold it?

**

Back in the hall, the guests are even more restless. Mr. Harris sits at the bar- asks for more whiskey. Mrs. Harris is standing near him. The two start harping about Anya- this delay is clearly her fault.

Halfrek and D'Hoffryn sit and talk. Halfrek is jealous of D'Hoffryn's concern for Anya.

Cousin Carol goes up to Buffy- tells her that something has to be done with the restless guests.

Buffy takes the microphone. "So- Who here's form out of town?" She asks, smiling nervously. Clem raises his hand.

**

Cut to Dawn and a teenaged demon outside on the steps. He's dark haired, pale skinned, and has pointed ears. He's wearing a tux and bowtie. Short black horns curl out from his forehead. They're commiserating.

"My family is worse" He says.

"No way- my family is so messed up- you have no idea."

"No- just wait until you see my Mom dance at the reception, okay? And tell me who's messed up." He says, gesturing.

Dawn laughs happily. "I guess they're all messed up."

"Yeah," the demon sighs, "everybody's pretty lame."

On that note- cut to Buffy at the front of the guests- she's doing charades. It's a bull!

**

Cut to Tara chasing Anya down the hall. Anya is determined that she is not waiting for the minister.

Cut to Buffy and Krelvin. They're juggling oranges. Buffy is having fun.

Cut to Dawn and the young demon- he's tired of the hold up. Dawn explains that Xander has disappeared- just as Anya turns the corner.

Anya freaks- loudly enough that the guests hear her say that Xander is missing. They turn to look as Anya stalks off, teary eyed.

Uncle Rory, laughing, starts to say that Xander must be playing a joke. The 'Squid' guy gets pissed. Mr. Harris makes a few comments.

Brawling begins- Buffy looks on, from the podium, annoyed, and not sure what to do.

**

The Brawl.

Tara gets a bit caught up among the people- and Willow pulls her out of the fray. They share a moment.

Anya walks through the fight- asking if anyone has seen Xander. Cousin Carol says that she saw Xander enter a different room - and she points out the Old Man- saying that he'd gone with him.

The Old Man is standing at the side of the room, watching the fight- smirking. Anya walks up to him.

"You." Anya says to the Old Man- she pulls him to face her as he starts to walk away. "You were talking to Xander right before he left. What did he say to you? What did you say to him?"

"It doesn't really matter now, does it? It's done." The Old Man says.

"What's done? Did you?" Anya is confused, angry. "If you said something to make him leave-"

"You'll what?" The Old Man interrupts. "Haven't changed a bit. Still as vindictive as ever."

"Do I know you?" Anya asks softly.

"You don't recognize me Anya? I'm not the man I used to be, I know."

Cut to the fight. Buffy is talking in the microphone- trying to get them to stop.

Cut back to Anya. "Xander." The Old Man starts to walk away and she stops him. "Where is he? You tell me, old man, you tell me why he left!"

"He left because of you."

"I didn't do anything." Anya says softly, tearliy.

"Oh really? What about this?" The Old Man says, suddenly morphing. He's a tall, scaly creature- lizard-like with grey skin and spiky horns on his head.

**

Commercial

**

"Tell me what you did with Xander." Anya insists- unfazed by the demon. "What are you?!"

"You did this- you've brought this on." The Lizard-guy says, "I've waited a long time for this, Anyanka."

"Who are you?" Anya says, lost.

"Remember Chicago?" The Lizard-guy asks, "South-side, 1914?" Anya continues to look lost- she doesn't remember him. "Stewart Burns! Philanderer! You'd think you'd remember. I remember you- but then again, you ruined my life!"

Anya looks down, realizing. "You were- I punished you."

"That's right- some hussy I've been taking around summons you. Next thing I know, I look like this, and I'm being tortured in another dimension."

"I forgot." Anya says softly.

"Well, I didn't!"

Lizard-guy snarls, hitting Anya. At the podium, Buffy notices- shouts Anya's name.

"Every day I remembered, and every day I thought how I would somehow get here. And ruin life- like you ruined mine." The demon sneers. "It didn't take much either- I scared you fiancé off with a couple phoney visions."

"Visions of what?" Anya asks.

"Your future- or his nightmare visions of your future."

Anya sniffs, crying, "That's it, that's all you did?"

"Yeah" The demon hisses, "It was easy- look at that. You're crying. Oh, I like that."

"Stop it." Anya pleads softly.

"Oh cry, Anyanka, cry. I love to see you cry. And now, I'd love to see you scream!"

The demon snarls and slashes at Anya and she falls. Buffy's there suddenly, and smashes the demon with a garbage can. The dress is a hindrance- and she rips it up the side.

The Lizard demon grabs Anya and hold her- threatening Buffy.

Xander arrives- distracting the demon. Buffy proceeds to kick its ass. The rest of the guests pause in their own fighting to watch.

Anya takes Xander's hands. "I'm so glad you're here. It was all lies- what he showed you. It wasn't true- he just wanted to break us up."

Xander still looks lost and confused. "It doesn't matter now." He says.

"So, we'll be okay." Anya says, hopeful.

The fight continues. Buffy garrottes the demon with a wedding decoration- then Xander comes over with a wooden pillar and smashes the demon in the head. The demon down, Xander crushes it's head again with the pillar.

"Its dead." Xander says, pointing to the demon.

Buffy agrees- as the guests all break into applause. (Whether because the demon was beat, or because Xander showed up.)

Tara and Willow come behind Anya, Buffy, and Xander. They stand over the demon.

"Is anyone else waiting for it to go poof?" Willow asks. "Maybe we can cover it with flowers."

The guests start to go back to their seats- but are interrupted when Mr. Harris comes into the room. He sees all the damage and insults the 'freaks'. Krelvin takes exception and he and Mr. Harris fight. The brawl begins again- until Anya tells everyone to stop0 orders everyone back to their seats. She says that the wedding will go on.

Xander and Anya stand at the door to the building. They're facing each other- holding hands.

"You know its bad luck to see me in my dress." Anya smiles. Xander is still very out-of-it, unsmiling. "Hey it's okay- he's dead- and its all just smoke and mirrors."

"I know." Xander says, quietly.

"So." Anya says, she's feeling happy- ready to move on. "Let's go, let's get married."

Anya starts to pull him away from the door, but Xander holds back. "I'm not." Anya looks at him, uncomprehending. He continues. "I'm not ready. I can't Ahn- I'm sorry."

Anya looks at him, consoling. "But it wasn't real- what he showed you. It wasn't real."

"I know it wasn't real." Xander says, he's scared. "But it could be."

"What- what was it. Was it about me?" Anya sobs, "Because he wants you to hate me."

"It wasn't you." Xander sighs, "It wasn't you I was hating. I had these thoughts and fears before this." He pauses, "Maybe we just went too fast."

"Everybody has thoughts. It's natural- it doesn't mean that- that getting married is wrong-" Xander tries to interrupt, but Anya continues, "Look, you're just shaken up. Okay? You'll just calm down, and we'll start over. Okay?"

Xander looks over to the guests- sees his mother and father arguing. "We can't start over." He says bitterly, "If this is a mistake, then its forever- and I don't want to hurt you- not that way." Xander drops Anya's hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He breathes- voice cracking.

Anya begins to cry- frustrated, confused, and very, very heartbroken. She doesn't know what to do. Anya turns away from him, faces the hall where the guests are gathered. And walks. Xander watches, then turns and exits the building- resolve on his face.

Anya, her arm bleeding from the demon's attack, starts walking down the aisle. The Wedding March plays- and the guests stand. Her eyes are full of tears and misery. She walks slowly down to the middle of the aisle and stops.

**

The Summers' house- in the living room. Dawn, Willow, and Buffy sit, drinking tea. Buffy wears a t-shirt with 'I survived' written on it and there's a picture of a dragon. They all look miserable.

"Should we do something for her?" Dawn asks. "Anything?"

"She wants to be alone." Willow responds. "That's what she wants. Oh God, It just hurts my heart to think of her."

I know. The whole thing hurts my heart.

"I thought they were happy." Dawn says softly.

"They were. I know they were." Buffy says sadly, "They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train."

"Why did this happen?" Dawn asks.

Willow holds her mug closely, "I don't know. I feel like I should be hating Xander. But I can't. I just-" she sighs, "I just hope that he's okay."

"I wonder where he is." Dawn says.

**

Cut to a hotel room. Xander is shown in by the manager. Xander is still wearing his tuxedo. Sirens are heard in the background. He's very lost, and very alone.

**

Cut to Anya- sitting in the darkness. It's D'Hoffryn's realm. She's past tears- just stares blankly at nothing. She is still wearing her wedding dress.

D'Hoffryn hands her a tissue- and walks behind her. "Are you okay?" He asks.

Anya shakes her head slightly. "I'm tired of crying." She says weakly. "I'm just so tired, D'Hoffryn."

"Oh, Anyanka." D'Hoffryn begins, "I'm sorry. But you let him domesticate you. When you were a Vengeance Demon, you were powerful- at the top of your game. You crushed men like him." He pauses, "It's time you got back to what you do best. Don't you think?"

Anya turns to look at him, her face blank and full of tears.

**

-Cath

CathJoudrey@hfx.eastlink.ca

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