"Broken"
Author: Ashlee
Contact: ashlee_999@hotmail.com
Getting To Know You
"Spike!"
Throwing his books into the backseat of his car, the man turned around to face the young woman who was jogging toward him.
"Yeah, Red?" Spike replied, looking at Willow in confusion as she caught up to him and immediately began fidgeting nervously as she looked at him.
He watched her closely as she wrung her hands together, shifting on her feet. "Do you know my roommate, Buffy Summers?"
Spike raised an eyebrow. Of course he knew her. He'd be blind if he'd never noticed the beautiful blonde. "Yeah, I know her…any particular reason why you're asking me?"
"Can you…well, you see…"
"Spit it out, Red," Spike said with a smirk.
"I think she's in trouble."
Spike tilted his head, his smirk slowly fading as he looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean by 'trouble'?"
"I promised I wouldn't say anything…"
"So you don't think she's in trouble, you know it, since there's something that you shouldn't be saying?"
Willow looked away feeling guilty. "Do you think you could…maybe…get to know her?"
"Get to know her?" Spike repeated. "I've never even talked to her before."
"Please," Willow begged. "If she starts to trust you, maybe she can open up and you can help her."
"What do you suggest?"
"She's going to be in the dorm tonight," Willow said, already having a plan formed. "I need you to stop by to 'borrow a book'. I won't be there right away, and you and Buffy can talk. That'll at least open the door."
Spike seemed to think about it for a moment. "I'd feel better about this if I knew what was going on."
"I know…but I made a promise and I have to keep it. Trust me. It won't be too hard to figure out."
Spike nodded. "Alright, Red, what time do you want me there?"
Spike knocked on the door of the dorm room later that night, nervously running his hands along his jeans.
'Bloody hell, you wanker,' Spike thought. 'You're acting like you've never been to a chit's room before.'
The door was opened to reveal the woman that he had been lusting after for over a year. She looked comfortable in a blue jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt, her long honey blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail and her face without a hint of make-up. Spike's breath caught in his throat as she looked at him in confusion.
"Spike?"
Spike quickly snapped out of his daze when she spoke his name.
"It is Spike, right?"
"Yeah," he replied, finally finding his voice. "Uhh…yeah…is Willow here?"
"Umm…she went out. She should be back in about an hour."
Spike made a show of looking around before meeting her eyes again. "Do you mind if I wait? I'm supposed to borrow a book from her, and by the time I make it back to the house, I'd just have to turn around and come back."
Buffy seemed to hesitate, but her defenses finally melted when he flashed a genuine smile. "Sure," she said with a smile of her own, stepping out of the way so he could enter.
"Thanks, pet," he said with a grin.
Taking a seat on the desk chair, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable by sitting on one of the beds, Spike watched her as she shut the door and walked passed him.
"You and Willow have a class together?" Buffy asked, sitting on her bed, across from him, and curling a leg underneath her body.
"Psychology," Spike said with a nod.
"Your major?" she asked.
"How'd you know?"
Buffy shrugged. "I guess you just have that look to you."
Spike looked down at the black leather duster, jeans, shirt, and boots before looking back at her with a smirk and raised his eyebrow.
Blushing with a sheepish smile on her face, Buffy shrugged. "I didn't mean the physical look," she clarified. "Something about your eyes."
It was Spike's turn to blush, and he quickly dropped his gaze so she wouldn't see, trying to maintain his 'Big Bad' image. Looking around the room, his eyes caught the picture on the desk of Buffy wrapped up in another man's arms. He recognized the man and glowered at the picture for a moment before turning to look at the young woman.
"Boyfriend?" he asked, tilting his head toward the picture.
Buffy became noticeably tense as she looked away. "Yeah," she said quietly, biting her lower lip.
Spike narrowed his eyes, carefully studying her reaction. "I know him," he said softly, testing the waters. "He's in the Zeta Kappa's, am I right?"
Buffy swallowed before nodding.
"I think I've seen you at some of their parties," he continued.
"You're not in that house," she said in confusion.
"No, I'm with the Sigma's," Spike replied.
Buffy nodded as Spike's gaze studied her carefully. "Parker?"
He watched as Buffy jumped and her eyes snapped up to his. "Um…yeah…yeah, Parker Abrams."
Spike's expression darkened when he realized that Willow said it wouldn't be too hard to figure out. "How long have you been together?" he asked.
"About a year," she said quietly.
"Really? I haven't seen you with him."
"I've only been to a couple of parties," Buffy replied. "I'm not big with the frat life."
Spike highly doubted that. This girl seemed to breathe life into anything she came close to, and that environment seemed exactly what she would be involved with.
Watching her with interest as Buffy picked at an invisible thread on her comforter, it was obvious that she was uncomfortable with the conversation, and he took pity on her.
"What's your major, luv?"
Buffy visibly relaxed as she looked into his eyes again. "Photography," she said with a smile, making it obvious how much she loved her choice.
"Paparazzi?" Spike asked with a smile as Buffy laughed, causing his heart to swell at the sound.
"No," she said with a shake of her head.
"Hmm." Spike put his hand to his chin in a thoughtful pose. "Fashion?"
Buffy giggled again. "No."
Snapping his fingers, Spike continued, "I've got it. Taking landscape pictures for calendars."
"You suck at this," she teased.
"I know, you better tell me because my next guess is that you're going to dress up dogs in little outfits and take their pictures for greeting cards."
Buffy laughed again. "I want to open my own studio," she said with a smile.
Spike nodded. "I would have gotten around to that eventually," he replied.
"Sure," she said sarcastically.
Both sat in comfortable silence for a moment before he spoke again. "No plans tonight?" he asked.
"I don't think so," she said softly, earning an odd look from Spike. "I-I just mean, Parker might stop by later."
The nervousness crept into her voice again, and Spike merely nodded, allowing the subject to be dropped. He was about to speak again when the door opened and a bubbly redhead walked in.
"Hey, Buff! Oh, Spike, I'm so sorry I'm late," she said with seemingly genuine regret. "I hope you didn't wait long."
"No," Spike said, standing up. "Not long at all."
"I'm sure Buffy was good company," Willow said, exchanging a smile with her friend.
"Yes, she was," Spike agreed, giving Buffy a soft smile and letting it broaden when she blushed and looked away.
Everyone turned as a knock sounded on the door. Willow, being closest, opened it, and Spike could see her expression darken. "I didn't know you were coming by," she said, not bothering to offer a greeting.
"I'm supposed to pick up Buffy."
Spike turned to look at the blonde. Seeing that her face had visibly paled, he took a step toward her, freezing when she backed away.
"I'm ready, Parker," Buffy said, grabbing a coat and giving Spike a soft smile as she walked toward the door.
Spike stepped closer to Willow, seeing Parker's eyes fall on him.
"Abrams," Spike said in a curt greeting.
Parker's eyes fell on the bleached blonde and a glare overtook his face. "Spike," he replied with a slight nod before turning his gaze to Buffy.
"Let's go."
Buffy nodded, waving a quick good-bye before leaving the room.
Spike turned to Willow as the door closed behind them.
"Did you get to talk to her?" she asked worriedly.
"She tensed up whenever that wanker's name came up."
Willow nodded in agreement.
"What has she told you, Red?" Spike asked in a tone that brooked no argument.
"That he hit her once," Willow said in a soft voice, obviously distressed at betraying her friend's confidence.
"And you don't think she's telling the truth?"
"I walked in when she was changing a week ago…her back was completely black and blue," she said softly. "And she's been wearing long sleeves a lot more and there's…there's been other times that I've noticed she's not telling me everything."
Spike's eyes clouded over in anger and his fists and jaw clenched.
"She's not going to allow anyone to help her…she doesn't think she needs any help."
"I guess we'll have to change her mind then, won't we?"
Judgements
"What do you blokes know about Parker Abrams?" Spike asked later that night as he sat with his friends in the frat house's living room.
Angel O'Shea tore his eyes away from the TV, watching his friend carefully. "Not exactly the brightest guy of the bunch. Why do you want to know?"
"I ran into him today," Spike said. "He doesn't exactly give the best vibe."
"He's never been real interested in talking to anyone," Angel said. "Unless it's women whose legs he can get between."
"Ever heard of him being violent?" Spike broached the subject, taking a swallow of his beer.
This got the attention of the other men in the room. Riley Finn, Charles Gunn, and Angel all watched him carefully as Spike stared at the television.
"Violent?" Riley asked. "He's gotten into a few fights, but I don't know much about him."
"Is there a particular reason you're bringing this up?" Gunn asked.
Spike took a deep breath, silently editing some of the story before speaking. "Alright, I'll be straight with you. A girl I know stopped me after class today and asked me to watch out for a friend of hers."
"Why you?" Angel asked.
"Didn't really get into that, she's just worried about her friend," Spike said with a shrug.
"I'm taking a wild guess that this friend is seeing Abrams," Riley said.
Spike nodded, feeling his stomach clench at the idea that she was out with him right now, possibly in pain.
"Buffy Summers."
Spike's eyes snapped over to Angel as he said the name of the object of his thoughts. "How'd you-"
"She knows Faith," Angel replied, mentioning his girlfriend.
Spike took a deep breath. "You didn't hear it from me," he said quietly. "And please don't tell anyone. I think it's only her roommate that knows anything, and I don't want her mad at me for spreading it around."
"Isn't that the girl Spike has a thing for?" Gunn asked, looking around the room.
Glances were exchanged, but no one spoke up.
"And you're telling me that this chick is in trouble, but you haven't gone over to his place with guns blazing?" Gunn asked Spike.
"Believe me, the thought crossed my mind," Spike replied. "But I don't think she even knows if she wants to get out of the relationship, and if I do something to the wanker…what if he takes it out on her?"
Buffy quietly let herself into the dorm room, hoping that she wouldn't wake up her sleeping friend. Quietly closing the door behind her, she slowly made her way across the room.
"Buffy?"
"It's me, Wills," she whispered, opening one of her drawers. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."
"I was awake," Willow replied, sitting up and switching on the lamp next to her bed. The room flooded with a soft light, and Willow studied the other girl.
Walking around the room, Buffy could feel Willow's eyes on her with every step she took, but she refused to meet her gaze. She finished collecting her pajamas and toothbrush and crossed the room again.
"What?" she finally asked in a soft voice.
"You're limping."
Closing her eyes with one hand on the doorknob and the other gripping the clothes to her body, Buff was too scared to turn around and face her friend. Too scared that she would see the unspoken judgment glittering in Willow's eyes. She knew that it had never been there before- all she had ever seen was support- but she knew that Willow wouldn't be able to keep it up for long.
"I tripped," Buffy murmured, wrenching open the door and quickly closing it behind her, crossing the hall to the bathroom.
Willow closed her eyes, feeling the pain for her best friend seep through her. She still remembered that first night that Buffy walked in after a fight with Parker. The bruise next to her eye, the cut on her lip, and the way she'd cradled her injured arm against her body, trying not to move her shoulder. That night was ingrained in Willow's memory as one of the most horrifying things she had ever witnessed, and she had only witnessed the damage and the aftermath.
Buffy had lied.
She'd told Willow that she'd fallen down some stairs, and Willow let Buffy think that she had believed her. But she had been silent long enough. The situation, which never should have started to begin with, had now escalated to the point that Willow feared that her friend wouldn't come back one night. That's why she sought out Spike. He had an edge to him that made many people avoid him, but he also had compassion in his eyes, and that's what Buffy needed right now…among other things.
Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, Buffy looked at her reflection that cast so many things back at her. When she looked in the mirror, she didn't see the woman she used to be. She saw the woman she was now- the fear on her face, the lifelessness in her eyes.
When Buffy went on a date with Parker the year before, she made the foolish mistake of sleeping with him, wanting him to like her. Her mistake was made even worse when he tried to blow her off the next morning, but she became more attached, clinging to him until a relationship was formed. Not a day went by that she didn't wish she could go back and change her life.
She felt devoid of emotion.
The only sensation she knew was pain.
When Parker began beating her, Buffy immediately walked away, determined to never be in 'that' relationship. He had run after her, apologizing and saying what she now knew as clichés: 'it will never happen again'; 'I don't know what got into me'; 'I never meant to take it that far'.
And Buffy had taken him back. People could pass judgments about these situations anytime they wanted to. They could constantly say that 'if they were in her position…'
It didn't matter…they weren't.
No one ever knows how they will react in that situation until they are pushed into it.
Tearing her gaze away from her reflection, Buffy didn't want to think about Parker or herself. She felt deadened. She was hard and she wanted to stay that way. That was the only way she could survive. She couldn't leave Parker- it was too far past the point of no return.
Buffy hadn't felt a spark in her life since the abuse escalated six months ago. A spark that had been rekindled with a simple conversation with a man who she'd never spoken to before today.
'Accidental' Interaction
Spike walked through the campus, exhaling his relief that yet another long, torturous week of school was behind him. Unlocking his car, he quickly threw his books in the backseat and was about to get in the driver's seat when a flash of blonde hair caught his eye.
With a secretive smile, Spike locked his car and jogged toward the library where she disappeared. Slowing his pace, Spike walked through the door and subtly scanned the area. He frowned when he didn't see Buffy but decided to take a casual stroll around the building.
The library was three floors. The main floor held the computer terminals and upstairs contained the periodicals.
'She said that her major was photography,' Spike thought. 'She'll probably be downstairs in the stacks.'
Heading for the stairs, Spike quickly descended, keeping a careful watch over the area. Walking deeper into the area, he was about to turn around and check the upper floors when he saw her sitting with her back supported by the shelves, thumbing through a book in her lap.
Walking toward her, Spike grabbed the closest book he could reach and continued down the aisle.
"Buffy," he greeted, letting some surprise slip into his tone. "I didn't expect to see you here," he continued when she looked up at him with a stunned expression.
"Spike," she said softly, climbing to her feet.
"How are you, luv?"
Looking at him curiously, Buffy briefly wondered if there was more concern in his voice or if she was just imagining it.
"I'm fine," she said with a soft smile before walking passed him.
Spike watched her for a moment, feeling his jaw tighten when he noticed a slight limp in her walk.
"You're hurt," he said softly, causing her to stop a few feet away.
Buffy turned to face him, feeling her breath catch when he stepped closer to her. "I-I fell," she said softly. "It's no big deal."
"You fell?" Spike repeated in a disbelieving tone.
Managing a slight nod, Buffy changed the subject. "What are you reading?" she asked, taking the book out of his hands. Spike noticed the suppressed smile on her lips when she turned her eyes back to his. "You're checking out this book?"
"Yeah," Spike said, slightly confused.
"You're checking out 'The Essentials of Obstetrics and Gynecology'?" Buffy asked with a grin.
Spike's eyes widened, inwardly cursing himself for not looking at the book he grabbed. "Uh…yeah…health class," he replied, nervously scratching the back of his head.
"Health class?" she asked skeptically with a bright smile threatening to emerge.
"Yeah," Spike said, shoving the book back at the shelf, not caring where it ended up. "Um…not for me…my friend Xander asked me to pick it up."
"Is that right?" Buffy asked with a smile.
"Yes," Spike said defensively as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "You don't believe me?"
Buffy bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Well, if your friend, Xander, needs it, wouldn't it make sense to check it out instead of putting it back on the shelf?"
Spike was at a loss for words. "Um…well…you see…oh sod it! I saw you come in here and I wanted to talk to you."
Buffy didn't hide the surprise on her face, but Spike was pleasantly surprised at the light blush and soft smile that graced her features. "What did you want to talk to me about?" she asked.
"Nothing in particular," Spike said in a low tone, feeling satisfaction flood through him when she seemed to respond to his casual flirting. "I had a good time yesterday."
Clutching the book close to her chest, Buffy worried her bottom lip as she looked at the floor. "I did, too," she whispered.
"How about we do it again sometime?" Spike asked, gently tilting her chin up to face him with one hand as the other extracted the book from her arms and tossed it to a nearby shelf, allowing him to get closer to her without making her feel threatened.
Buffy's eyes widened before she began to vehemently shake her head. "I-I can't."
"I just want to get to know you, luv," he whispered, letting his fingers caress her jaw and smiling when she closed her eyes at the gentle touch. It had been so long since Buffy felt anything from a man that could be considered tender, and she nearly had tears in her eyes at the simple gesture.
"I need to go," she said softly, not wanting to pull away.
"Needing and wanting are two different things," he said in a husky whisper.
Buffy reluctantly pulled herself away from the man. "I need to go," she repeated, letting him know that it was the last thing she wanted.
Spike took a deep breath, deciding to up the stakes. "When can I see you again?"
He held his breath, waiting on her answer, knowing that he was taking a big risk and she might not feel anything other than friendship toward him.
"I don't know," she whispered.
Spike's heart leapt, knowing that she was considering it and didn't say 'no' straight out. The look in her eyes made him want to take her in his arms and never let go.
"Buffy," he said in a gentle tone. "I want you to know, that if you ever need to talk…"
He trailed off, letting the unspoken words hang in the air. Buffy inhaled sharply as she nodded, turning away from him.
"I know about Parker," Spike said, once again taking a risk.
Her shoulders went rigid at the mention of her boyfriend's name. "You don't know anything," she said, her back still turned to him as a hint of anger tinged her voice.
Spike took a step toward her, his hands itching to reach out and comfort her, but he knew it was best to control his impulses for now. "I know you're terrified every time his name is mentioned."
Buffy turned toward him with tears shimmering in her eyes. "Spike…please, just stay out of it…please," she said, knowing that she was begging but not caring.
"I can't do that, pet."
"You have to," she said, her voice taking on a panicked quality as her nerves set her on edge.
"Why?" Spike asked with an edge in his tone.
"Because if you don't, he'll kill you."
"I can take care of myself," he insisted, not worried in the slightest that some pillock might feel threatened by him. Men who beat up women weren't exactly known for being able to stand up to other men. 'Let him try and come after me,' Spike thought, his anger mounting as he thought of the ponce hurting Buffy. 'I'll bury him alive.'
"Please, Spike."
"He won't get near me, Buffy. I can handle myself and take care of him in the process. He won't be in a position to hurt me, let alone kill me."
"Then he'll kill me."
Breaking
Buffy hurried back to the dorm, feeling more relaxed than she'd felt in months. Seeing Spike at the library had awakened something inside of her that she thought was long dead. She realized that some part of her was alive. Some part wanted to live on, and that was something she hadn't known existed anymore.
The slight smile fell from her face and her heart dropped into her stomach when she approached the dorm and saw Parker pacing outside her door. Taking a deep, shaky breath, Buffy squared her shoulders and walked toward her boyfriend, forcing a smile when she approached.
"Where've you been?" Parker growled when he saw her. His voice was low, but she saw the anger flashing in his eyes, and it made her tense even more.
"The library," Buffy said in a meek whisper.
"Come on," Parker said, grabbing her arm in a bruising grip and leading her toward the parking lot.
Trying to keep up with the pace he was setting, she didn't want to anger him anymore than he already was.
'What have I done now?' she thought miserably, before another thought flitted through her brain. 'What haven't I done?'
Wrenching the car door open, Parker practically threw her into the vehicle, slamming the door and not caring that it hit Buffy's shoulder. She gasped in pain but stayed quiet when he sat in the driver's seat. She realized that he was being unusually quiet, and that was almost more terrifying than him yelling at her.
Her lower lip trembled when they pulled in front of his fraternity house a few minutes later. Quickly getting out of the car before he had a chance to pull her out, Parker grabbed her wrist and yanked her into the building.
She squeezed her eyes shut as she was dragged into his room and thrown against the door when it closed behind them.
She was trapped.
She was always trapped when he brought her here.
After all- the brothers stick together. Never mind that one was an abusive bastard. It didn't matter since his father practically owned the damn house.
"Were you with Atherton?"
"Who?" Buffy asked quietly, the name only sounding vaguely familiar as it permeated through her terrified brain.
"Spike Atherton," Parker said, practically spitting out the name.
Buffy's eyes briefly darted around the room before shaking her head 'no'. She could almost feel the blow before it landed as Parker backhanded her. Her cheek exploded in pain, her mouth opening to gasp in air as her eyes watered.
"Liar!" Parker screamed, shoving her head into the door. "Do you think he's your knight in shining armor, Buffy? Do you think anyone could ever love a used up piece of trash like you?"
Holding her tears at bay as Parker's lips crashed down to hers, he was practically smothering her with his ferocious intensity. Breaking away and leaving Buffy gasping for oxygen, his hands went to each side of her face, and she braced herself, waiting for him to shove her head into the door again. Instead, Parker's forehead came down to hers, his hands gently caressing her face. "Do you think anyone could ever love you the way I love you?"
Buffy took a shaky breath. "No," she whispered, trying to keep her gaze away from his face. The empty chasm of his eyes was more terrifying than any pain he could ever inflict on her.
"I love you, Buffy. You know that, right?" Parker asked with a desperate and needy quality in his voice.
She nodded, feeling his lips press to hers again for a shorter kiss. "You can't keep doing this, Parker," she whispered. "Please stop doing this."
"I will," he said with so much honesty that hope blossomed in Buffy's heart. "Tell me you love me."
Breathing heavily, Buffy looked at the floor. "I love you," she whispered, her stomach churning as she uttered the words. "But you have to trust me."
The fist came out of nowhere, slamming into her stomach, causing her to gasp for air. "Why should I trust you, when you don't give me any reason to, bitch!?"
"Parker," Buffy whimpered, folding over on herself for protection. "You just said…you just…"
"I know what I said," he hissed at her. "But when you think you can just go spreading your legs for anyone, you're going to pay the consequences." To emphasize his point, Parker hit her on her back. Her fading bruises screamed in protest. Buffy struggled to stand, but the force of his attack kept her cowering in front of him.
Parker rarely hit her face, today being one of the few exceptions. It was only when he was more angry than usual that he did. Never wanting to draw unwanted attention to himself, he kept his cruelty to her body restricted to her torso and legs.
"I don't," Buffy was finally able to murmur, the pain shooting through her body with each breath she took. Everything inside her was begging for reprieve from the punishment she was receiving.
"I really hate it when you lie to me," Parker muttered, his foot connecting with her ribs, leaving them throbbing as she hurriedly covered her stomach with her hands, trying to shield herself from any more damage.
"I'm not lying," Buffy gasped. "I've never been with anyone but you, you know that."
Her voice was taking on a desperate quality when she felt Parker grab the back of her neck, dragging her to the bedroom and throwing her onto the bed. "Damn right you haven't," he hissed, unbuckling his belt. "And it's going to stay that way."
Buffy felt tears come to her eyes, but not as a result of the pain. She was ashamed of herself for not being strong enough to get out of this situation when it started. Not being smart enough to fix her life when she had the chance. She felt like all of her chances were behind her now. A part of her feared that she would never know anything other than pain at Parker's hands. She vaguely felt her clothes being stripped away and retreated into herself. She shut down her mind, allowing her body to respond to whatever Parker requested of her. Her soul cried at the injustice of her life and yet another piece of her spirit broke.
Excuses
Spike wandered through the stacks of the library, hoping to run into Buffy again. This had been the same time he'd found her the other day, and he couldn't resist the temptation to possibly see her again.
He turned a corner and couldn't suppress the smile that lit up his face when he ran directly into her. "Hello, luv," he said brightly, grasping her shoulders to keep her from falling. "Fancy running into you again."
"Spike, you shouldn't be here," Buffy whispered, looking at the ground.
Spike's smile faded as he gently hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. His eyes turned a stormy shade of blue as he looked at her, ghosting his fingertips over the bruise on her right cheek.
"What happened?" he asked in a hard voice.
"I think you know," she replied.
"Buffy…tell me what happened."
"He thought I was sleeping with you," Buffy whispered, looking down in shame.
"Where is he?" Spike asked in menacing voice.
"Please, don't get involved in this, Spike," she said, her voice rising in alarm as she looked into his eyes.
"What else did he do?" he asked, looking her up and down for signs of any further damage.
"Spike, please…"
"He's not going to get away with this, Buffy. Now tell me where he is."
"No," she replied in a strong voice.
"Buffy-"
"I said no," she repeated, looking him in the eye. "It's none of your business."
"The hell it's not," Spike said, louder than he intended. He cringed when he saw her shudder and take a step away from him. Softening his tone, he took a tentative step toward her, gently reaching out to take one of her hands in his. "He can't keep hurting you. You have to realize that this isn't right."
"I know it's not right," Buffy cried with tears streaming down her cheeks. "You think that I go through life in denial? Maybe a part of me does, but it's still my life, and I have to accept whatever comes into it."
"Says who?" Spike asked in quiet exasperation. "No one should have to accept this. Let me help you, Buffy."
"It's too dangerous," she replied, shaking her head.
"It's too dangerous for you to stay," he countered with a raised eyebrow.
"He says he'll change," she whispered, avoiding his eyes. She knew it was a flimsy excuse, but it was all she had to hold onto.
"He won't," Spike said gently, trying not to make her appear foolish for buying into an obvious lie. "Let me take you to the police. You need to report him and keep him away from you."
"So that he can what?" Buffy asked in exasperation. "Get out in twenty-four hours and track me down? He'll just make it that much worse when he finds me again. Spike, don't you realize here's nothing you can do?" She felt fresh tears slip down her cheeks as she looked at the ground. "I'm getting what I deserve."
"Now you listen to me," Spike replied in a firm voice, tilting her chin up to look in her eyes. "You deserve someone who knows just how special you are. Someone who is secure enough with himself, that he doesn't have to take out his aggression and anger on you, just because you happen to be there. Parker needs help…among other things."
"Please, Spike," Buffy pleaded as tears continued to fall.
"You're not happy…how could you be?"
"Please don't make this harder," she whispered.
"You don't belong with him," he continued, seeing that he might be getting through to her in some way. "You're something…you're better than this."
"I-I need to go," Buffy said, turning to walk away as she wiped the tears away.
Spike lightly grabbed her arm, turning her to face him again. "You gotta get away from him, pet, before it's too late…before he really does kill you."
"There's no way…I can't. I have to go, he's expecting me."
"There's a party at my fraternity tonight," Spike said in desperation, never letting go of her arm. "I want you to be there."
"Spike…"
"Buffy. If you're going to be with him tonight, I want to be able to keep an eye on you. You're a smart girl, figure out how to get him there."
"I'll try," she whispered.
"And Buffy?" Spike waited until she turned to fully look at him before continuing. "You really don't deserve this."
To emphasize his point, Spike pressed a gentle, chaste kiss against her lips, pulling away all too quickly for either of them. He expected her to walk away. To leave him with nothing but a memory of her sweet lips against his. Nothing could have shocked him more than when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him against her body and practically attacking his lips with hers.
Spike moaned, loosely gripping her body close to his and spinning them to gently press her against the nearby bookshelf. Buffy seemed to be taking everything she needed from the kiss as if Spike was healing her. Her tongue gently massaged his, her hands pulling him closer to her as their lips moved together with surprising force.
Breaking away breathlessly after a moment, Spike rested his forehead against hers. Buffy gasped for air, watching as he nervously licked his lips before meeting her eyes. "Promise me you'll be there," he whispered, brushing the hair away from her face.
"Why is it so important to you?" she asked softly, letting her hands wander along the strong muscles in his arms.
"Because I want you to know you're not alone."
She gave him a gentle smile, letting her fingertips run across his cheekbones before nodding. "If it's that important to you, I'll be there."
Spike grinned, dipping his head lower for another kiss, knowing that his heart would be breaking in a few moments when he had to let her go. But for these few precious moments, she was his. For these few moments, and even longer, they belonged together…and they both knew it.
Note: A huge thank you to noaluvjames for the truly beautiful cover art for this story!! If anyone wants to see it, go to my LJ.
Plotting
Spike never left the vicinity of the front door. The party was in full swing, and he was practically standing guard as he watched each student walk up the long path toward the frat house.
"Any sign of them?" Angel asked, walking up behind him.
"Not yet," Spike replied through clenched teeth, his mind turning over every possible scenario that could have happened.
"But she promised?"
"She did."
"Then she'll be here," Angel said, clapping his hand on Spike's back.
"What if-"
"Don't think about it."
"It's the only thing I can think about," Spike said with a heavy sigh. "Everyone knows what to do if they come?"
Angel nodded before looking up and seeing Parker leading Buffy toward the house. "Showtime," he said to Spike before walking away.
Spike watched Angel approach Faith and say a few words to her. He glanced out the door and resisted the urge to go beat the shit out of Parker before turning and walking up the stairs. stepping out of sight when he reached the second floor, he stood in the shadows, staying where he could see the foyer without being seen.
Buffy seemed understandably nervous as Parker led her into the house. Spike watched the other man whisper something in her ear, and he felt his blood run cold when he saw her instinctively flinch away from him.
"Buffy?"
Spike smiled as his plan was put in action.
Happily walking over to the blonde, Faith smiled when she noticed that Buffy was obviously confused since the brunette rarely spoke to her.
"Hey, B!"
"Hi," Buffy replied with a nervous tremor in her voice as she looked at Parker.
"Thanks for letting me borrow that shirt the other day. I'm such a major klutz, spilling coffee all over myself."
Buffy watched in confusion as Faith gave Parker a hard look before offering her hand. "I'm Faith Lehane."
"Parker Abrams," he replied with a friendly smile as he shook her hand, not noticing the contempt in her eyes as his gaze perused her curves.
"Glad to meet you. So listen, B, I've got the shirt upstairs if you want to get it back."
"I-I don't-"
"Hey, Abrams!"
Buffy turned in time to see two very large men walking up to her boyfriend.
"Angel. Riley," Parker greeted with a nod.
"Wet t-shirt contest outside, come on," Riley said, grabbing his arm.
Spike rolled his eyes when Parker willingly followed, waving at Buffy to go get her shirt from Faith.
'Leave it to that pillock to choose random women over a woman like Buffy,' Spike thought before shaking his head. 'Why am I surprised? A man who beats a woman doesn't have any morals left.'
"Come on, B. I think they just bought us about fifteen minutes," Faith said, leading her up the stairs.
"Fifteen minutes? For what? You never borrowed a…"
Buffy trailed off when she saw Spike standing at the top of the stairs. Her eyes widened as she swallowed down her nerves.
"What's going on?" she asked in a whisper, looking back and forth between Faith and Spike.
"I'll let Blondie explain," Faith said, turning to Spike. "Ten minutes."
"I thought you said fifteen?" Spike replied.
"Do you really want to risk Parker suspecting something?" Spike sighed and shook his head as Faith continued. "I'll be right here."
Spike took Buffy's hand and could feel the nerves coming off of her in waves as he led her toward his bedroom.
"Spike, what's going on?" she asked as he shut the door.
"Relax, luv," he said in a soothing voice, leading her over to a couch and sitting down next to her. "I just wanted some time alone with you."
"A-alone?"
"Just to talk. I promise."
"This is way too risky, Spike," Buffy said, her eyes still darting around, even though they were alone. "If Parker finds us in here alone-"
"He won't," Spike replied, running a hand along her cheek and feeling a tiny amount of satisfaction when she didn't flinch. "My friends are keeping him occupied."
"Y-your friends?"
"I had to tell them."
"You what?" Buffy asked, jumping up from the couch with tears in her eyes. "God, Spike! You do know that Parker's going to find out, and he's going to…"
Trailing off as she tried to swallow the enormous lump that had just lodged itself in her throat, she took a deep breath.
"Buffy…I wanted you to know that you have people around who can help you."
"I already did," she whispered tearfully.
"I know. You have Willow, but now you have a bunch of men who are willing to kick the shit out of Abrams if he lays a hand on you."
"They don't even know me."
Spike stood up, hoping he wouldn't be intimidating to her as he pulled her into his arms. He felt himself relax when she practically burrowed into him, clutching at the fabric of his shirt.
"They don't have to know you, to want to protect you."
"That doesn't make sense," she replied, her voice muffled against his chest.
"It's not right, Buffy. What he's doing isn't right, and we all just want to help."
Buffy released a shuddering breath before speaking again. "Who knows?"
"Riley, Angel, Faith, and Charles Gunn."
"That's too many people," she said, pulling away from him, her eyes wide with panic. Spike could almost see her shutting down, not wanting to deal with anything.
"I trust them, Buffy," he said softly, leaning down to look into her eyes. "If anything ever happens and you can't find me, you can go to any of them, alright?"
"Why are you doing this?" she asked miserably.
Spike sighed, absentmindedly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Because I can't stand the thought of him hurting you," he said softly. "Because no one should be put in this situation and feel like they can't get out of it. Because I want to be with you so bad that it chokes me."
"Don't," Buffy said in a painful whisper, shaking her head back and forth. "I'm…I'm not worth it."
Spike closed his eyes for a long moment, taking a deep breath. "I think you are," he whispered, brushing his lips against hers before looking deep into her eyes. "I know you are," he said with more resolve in his voice. "I'm going to get you away from him."
"You can't."
"I'm going to get you away from him," he repeated, never breaking eye contact with her.
Buffy's chin trembled as she eagerly stepped into his embrace, letting the world slip away for a few precious moments.
Cracking
Sitting on Spike's lap, Buffy moaned as his tongue stroked against hers, his arms wrapping around her waist to pull her closer to him.
The mood was immediately shattered when a knock sounded on the door. Spike felt his heart ache watching as Buffy practically leapt to the other side of the room, her hands wringing together nervously as her eyes shifted toward him.
"It's alright, pet," he said quietly before opening the door.
Faith walked in with an apologetic smile. "Sorry guys, but it's time to make an appearance."
She threw a white tank top at Buffy, who caught it and looked confused.
"For believability," Faith said with a shrug. "Every girl has a white tank top, and Parker won't be suspicious."
Buffy took a deep breath before offering a smile to the other girl. "Thank you."
"No problem, B. If you ever need anything, I'm here most of the time."
Buffy looked around the room, making eye contact with Spike. "Here?"
"She's Angel's girlfriend," Spike said, seeing the uncertainty in her gaze. "We better go."
With a sad look on her face, Buffy walked toward the door, clutching the shirt in her white-knuckled hands. Spike stopped her before she passed by him, gently holding her arm as he waited for her to turn and look at him.
"I'll be keeping an eye on him," he said softly, relaxing when he saw the soft smile that briefly appeared on her lips.
"Don't get too close," she whispered, closing her eyes when Spike pulled her to him for a searing kiss.
Faith walked outside, leaving them both alone for another moment.
Reluctantly pulling away, Spike cupped her face in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers as they caught their breath. "If he does anything…if he so much as looks at you the wrong way, get away from him."
"It's not that easy," Buffy whispered, idly playing with his shirt as she tried to make him understand.
Spike pressed another kiss to her lips, fighting the emotions that were coursing through him. "You're not alone anymore, Buffy."
With a tiny sniffle, she nodded, feeling a calming warmth pass through her when he placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her out the door.
She felt as if she was leaving a sanctuary to go back into the depths of Hell.
Buffy and Faith walked down the stairs, with Spike promising he would follow in a few minutes. Following the dark-haired girl toward the back of the house, she was surprised when they veered off into a hallway.
"B, I just wanted you to know that you can trust Spike."
"I know."
"And if you ever need anything, we're here to help…all of us."
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she gave Faith a grateful smile. "Please don't tell anyone."
"I won't. We better get you back out there before he starts to wonder where you were."
Walking out onto the back deck, Buffy saw Parker with a beer in his hand, ogling the half-dressed women. Not that she was surprised, but she couldn't help the nagging thought that made her wonder- if she was ever free from Parker, what poor, unsuspecting girl would take her place?
"I was beginning to wonder about you," Parker said as they approached.
"My fault, big guy," Faith said, slapping him on the shoulder with enough force to make him flinch. "I couldn't find the shirt."
Buffy held up the tank top as if to prove the point. She saw a few men watching her over Parker's shoulder, and she suddenly felt uneasy.
"I don't think we've met," one of the men spoke up. "I'm Angel O'Shea," he said, knowing better than to offer his hand to the young woman. He knew she'd be uneasy with it, and there was no telling what Abrams would do if he saw her in close proximity with another man.
"And I'm Riley Finn," the other man said, waving at her.
"Hi," Buffy replied timidly.
It didn't go unnoticed when Parker stepped closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to practically stake his claim on her.
Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy saw Spike step out of the house, and his eyes immediately traveled to her. She avoided the look, not wanting to give anything away since Parker was so close, but she was inwardly grateful for his silent show of support. It put her at ease to know that he was watching out for her.
She turned when she saw Willow follow him out of the house and walk over to her.
"Hey, Buffy," she said with a bright smile, completely ignoring her best friend's boyfriend.
"Hey, Wills," she replied, relaxing even more with the presence of her best friend.
Willow's eyes immediately seemed to travel to Riley, offering him a timid smile.
"Hi," he said with a bright smile, taking a step closer to the redhead. "I'm Riley."
"Willow," she introduced herself, a blush creeping into her cheeks as Riley shook her hand.
"You go to school here?"
"Yeah, I'm roommates with Buffy."
"I've never seen you around."
Buffy watched the looks that passed between the two and couldn't help but notice the obvious mutual attraction.
"Would you like something to drink?" Riley asked, offering his arm.
"Great!" Willow replied with a wide smile.
Watching as her best friend walked away, a smile played on Buffy's lips, hoping that Willow would get the happy ending that Buffy knew she wouldn't have.
An hour later, Buffy found herself standing alone. She hadn't seen Spike, although she could almost feel that he was close by. She didn't know if it was wishful thinking, but the thought was settling her nerves, so she didn't question it.
Willow and Riley were sitting next to the pool, laughing quietly together. Parker was standing with Charles Gunn, laughing at something. Even from this distance, Buffy could see the tight, forced smile on Gunn's face.
She was amazed that Parker hadn't kept her by his side, but she was grateful for the break.
Jumping when she felt a hand on her arm, Buffy looked up to see Spike, pulling her toward the shadows at the side of the house.
"Spike," she whispered, looking around frantically. "What are you doing?"
"I needed to see you one more time tonight," he whispered, letting the darkness surround them.
Pushing her gently against the side of the house, he was mildly surprised when her hands eagerly pulled him to her for a long, passionate kiss. Breaking away from each other, breathless, after a moment, Buffy looked into his eyes. The normally bright blue shade was a deep indigo in the faded light.
"This is too risky," she whispered, contradicting her statement by pulling him to her for another kiss, letting her lips play over his for a few more moments before reluctantly breaking the contact.
"Meet me tomorrow," Spike said softly, not ashamed that it sounded like he was begging.
"I-I don't know if-"
"If it's safe…will you meet me?"
Buffy nodded, looking at him curiously before Spike pressed another kiss to her lips that ended .
"Meet me at our spot in the library. I'll take care of Parker."
"What do you mean take care of him?"
"Relax, luv," he whispered, running his hands up and down her arms in soothing motions. "I won't be the one approaching him, so he won't suspect anything. Do you trust me?"
"Always."
Fragmenting
Spike was nearly frantic when Buffy hadn't shown up at the library. Gunn had volunteered to approach Parker with an offer to play basketball, wanting to keep him busy for a few hours and hopefully giving her a chance to get away from the pillock.
But she was an hour late.
Spike was pacing back and forth in the secluded area, periodically looking through the assorted aisles, hoping to catch a glimpse of her and becoming more worried by the minute.
After waiting another agonizing five minutes, he finally whipped out his cell phone and dialed her dorm room.
"Hello?"
Breathing a sigh of relief when he heard her soft voice, his hand traveled up to the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve the pressure that was forming. "It's me, luv."
"You shouldn't be calling me," she whispered.
"Is he there? If he's there, just say it's a wrong number."
"No…he's not here."
"I thought you were going to meet me."
"I was, but…Spike, it's too risky."
"Isn't Abrams with Gunn?" he asked, resuming his pacing.
"Yeah," she said softly. "I just couldn't meet you. I'm sorry."
"Is Willow there?"
"Yeah," Buffy said skeptically. "Why?"
"I'll be there in a few minutes. If the ponce shows up, we'll just tell him I was talking over a class project with Willow."
"Spike, no!"
"I have to see you, Buffy. I'll be there in ten minutes."
Five minutes later, Spike was practically running through the hall of her dorm room. Knocking on the door, he was surprised to see Willow open it instead of Buffy.
"Where is she?" he asked, concern lacing his words.
The redhead didn't say anything- she merely opened the door a little more, revealing Buffy curled up on her bed, clutching a stuffed pig to her chest.
Exchanging a worried look with Willow, Spike stepped into the room and slowly made his way over to the bed. "Buffy?" he whispered.
When she didn't even acknowledge that he'd entered the room, Spike carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. Risking another glance at Willow, who was nervously wringing her hands together and biting her lip, he felt his stomach drop when he turned back to the small blonde.
"Look at me, luv," he pleaded, hooking a finger under her chin and slowly tilting her head toward him. Making contact with her watery eyes, he felt his heart ache before his eyes hardened. His fingertips ghosted over the purple and blue bruise that ran underneath her right eye, quickly pulling his hand away when she flinched.
Without saying a word, Spike got up from the bed, with every intention of finding her so-called boyfriend, only stopping when he heard her quiet voice.
"Don't."
Turning back toward her with disbelief clearly written on his face, Spike walked back to the bed, crouching down to look at her. "He can't keep doing this, Buffy."
"You can't go after him."
"Buffy-"
"Spike, you knew about this when you met me," she said softly. "It's not going to help, if you go after him."
"It's not going to help if I don't," he replied with an edge to his voice.
Seeing the tears in her eyes, Spike looked at the ceiling for a moment, trying to control his emotions. "Why did he do it this time?"
"Apparently I didn't stay close enough to him last night," she muttered, unable to meet his gaze.
"How can I get you away from him?" he whispered, becoming more distressed at the idea that she wouldn't, or couldn't, willingly leave Parker behind.
"I told you…you can't."
Spike turned his head away from her for a moment, breathing deeply to control his emotions and seeing Willow slip out of the room with tears in her eyes.
"It's a no-win situation, Spike," she murmured in a choked voice. "You might as well give up on me now and save yourself the trouble."
His eyes widened in disbelief before he slowly lay down on the bed. Buffy's lips parted in confusion as he pulled her into his arms, gently stroking her hair until she closed her eyes in contentment, sending a small thrill through Spike that she trusted him enough to relax in his presence. "Not giving up on you, Buffy. I'm not leaving you to face him alone."
Sniffling slightly, she looked at him with watery eyes. "You should probably go…if he shows up…"
"If he shows up, I'll kill him," Spike replied calmly, pulling her closer to him when she began trembling.
Laying together in contentment for a few minutes, Spike's lips brushed along the top of her head, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair as he closed his eyes.
"Tell me what to do, Buffy."
"I don't know," she whispered, her hand trailing along his stomach as if she was testing whether he was real or not.
"You could move into the house," he said hopefully. "The guys wouldn't mind, and there would always be someone there in case he shows up."
"I can't do that," she mumbled, her voice muffled as she snuggled closer to him.
"Why do you feel like you need to stay with him?" he whispered softly, not wanting to be accusing her of something and shattering the fragile trust she seemed to have built toward him.
"Because if I leave, he won't just hurt me…he'll hurt the people that I love."
"We could get him arrested, luv. We could-"
"What?" Buffy asked, sitting up to look at him, her golden hair spilling over her shoulder and falling on his chest. "We could have him sit in jail for a couple of nights before 'Daddy' gets him out on bail and he comes looking for me? We could send you and your friends to go beat him up and still end up with the same result?" Spike listened as her voice became more choked up. "We could see what he would do if I walk up to him and say, 'Parker, I want to break up with you'? I can't do it, Spike," she said shaking her head as tears streamed down her face. "I can't do it and…"
A sob tore from her throat, her head falling to his chest as tears began to fall from Spike's eyes as well.
"…I feel like I'm cheating on you when I'm with him," she continued in an almost inaudible whisper. "And that's silly because…because I obviously don't have you."
"You have me," he whispered with so much emotion, more tears began to fall from her eyes. "You've had me from the first moment I saw you. Don't think for a second that you don't."
He listened to her cry for a few more minutes, unable to do anything but hold her close and try to soothe her. "I'm so sorry I dragged you into this," she murmured, trying to calm herself down.
"You didn't," he said softly, kissing the top of her head. "It was my choice and I don't regret it. Not for a single moment."
Splintering
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief when Spike's lips met hers in a tender kiss. Letting her hands trail along his arms and slowly reach up to play with the soft hair at the nape of his neck.
Pulling away breathlessly, she pressed her forehead to his, snuggling closer to him and inadvertently squirming around as she sat on his lap, unknowingly causing a reaction in Spike as he shut his eyes and suppressed a groan of desire.
It had been two weeks since he'd last been able to see her, to hold her, and Spike thought he would go crazy wondering if she was alright. He talked regularly with Willow, who assured him that nothing had happened between Buffy and Parker lately, but Spike wanted nothing more than to be close to her and see for himself that she was okay.
Sitting in the library in a comfortable silence, he let his hands run up and down her arms, smiling at the content sigh that escaped her lips.
"I've missed you," he murmured into her hair, leaving a tender kiss on the top of her head.
"Missed you, too," she said, trying to ignore the conflicting emotions that were building up inside of her.
The fear of leaving Spike's comforting embrace to return to the hell that was her life. The guilt that pained her when she realized that she was essentially being unfaithful to a man she cared about, every time her 'boyfriend' decided to spend time with her. And the sadness that welled up inside of her, knowing that her time with him was almost finished.
"What are you thinking about, luv?" Spike asked, trying to soothe the sudden tension in her back.
"Nothing important," she said with a slight shrug of her shoulders, keeping her face carefully hidden from his probing eyes.
"You're scared," he whispered, holding her close to him and leaving soft kisses on top of her head.
"I'm more scared for you," she said softly, biting her lip as he gently pushed her back to look at her.
"Don't be," he said, brushing the hair off her shoulders before cupping her face in his hands. "I don't want you worrying about anything you don't have to worry about."
"Can't help it," she murmured, leaning forward and capturing his lips in a tender kiss before pulling away with tears in her eyes. "What if he finds out about us?"
"Buffy-"
"He'll kill you, Spike," she whispered with fear coating her voice. "And who knows what he would do to me."
"He won't find out. I can take care of myself, and he definitely won't do anything to you."
"Spike-"
"Do you trust me?" he asked, seeing her eyes widen in response.
"You know I do."
"Then trust me."
Biting her lip as she contemplated what he was saying, Buffy slowly raised her eyes to his. "What do you want to do?"
Staring into his beer bottle as he sat at the small table in the bar, Spike seemed to be off in his own little world.
"Boy am I glad I decided to spend some time with my friend tonight," Angel said, taking a long swallow of his own beer before leveling his eyes on the blonde. "I could be curled up in bed with my girlfriend right now, but no…she's probably calmly waiting for me, and I choose to hang out with the one person in this town who wants to be alone tonight."
Waiting for a reply, Angel finally sighed, picked up a handful of peanuts and threw them across the table, hitting Spike directly in the face and chest.
"Oi!" he yelled, immediately standing up and shaking off his duster. "What was that for, you git?"
"Got your attention, didn't it?" Angel replied, sipping his beer and glancing around the bar as Spike sat down again. "You gonna tell me what's with the long face, or do we have to sit here and play Twenty Questions?"
Seeing that Spike was zoned out again, Angel shook his head.
"Twenty Questions it is. Is it…bigger than a breadbox? No? Smaller than a breadbox? Ah hah! I got it. It's a breadbox."
Finally seeing Spike's eyes raise to his, Angel offered him a smart-aleck smirk as the blonde glared at him.
"What are you on about?"
"Look," Angel said, dropping the attitude and watching his friend. "I know what you're thinking and you can't do anything, Spike."
"I have to get her away from him, Angel," he said softly, shaking his head as he stared at the empty beer bottle in front of him.
"We'll figure out something."
"It's getting worse," Spike said with a sigh. "She's trying to close herself off from me. She thinks she's protecting me from him and…"
With a heavy sigh, Spike looked up at the clock before pushing his bottle away and standing up. "I'm meeting her in an hour. Still have some time to kill- another beer, mate?" he asked with a dejected expression, waiting until Angel shook his head before walking toward the bar.
Angel watched as his friend spoke briefly to the bartender, brushing off the advances of more than one woman. He sat back, marveling at the changes in the other man since the little blonde girl had come into his life. Spike was never someone to let his bed get cold on a regular basis, but ever since Buffy had entered the picture, Spike hadn't so much as looked at another girl. It proved to Angel just how much his friend truly cared for the young woman. A woman that he and all of his friends had become increasingly protective over. If she was important to Spike, she was important to them.
And Angel knew that Spike would go to any lengths to protect the ones he loved.
Pacing through her room, Buffy wished Spike would hurry up and come over. He wasn't supposed to be there for another hour, but Parker was at a party with the rest of the fraternity and she was eager to spend more time with Spike. She was grateful that Parker didn't want her there with him that night.
'Probably wants the free time to pick up some willing freshman girl,' she thought.
The thought itself didn't bother her. She didn't love Parker- he could cheat on her as often as he wanted, but what would happen to those poor girls if Buffy could ever get away from him? Who would be his next victim?
It terrified her to think that the vicious cycle could start all over again.
"Don't think about that, Buffy," she muttered to herself. "Tonight is about you and Spike. He'll figure out some way to get you away from him…you trust him."
Running her hands through her hair as she tried to convince herself that it was safe to trust him, she squeezed her eyes shut.
It was getting worse.
She could feel herself slipping away from Spike. She didn't want to, but she was.
"That can change tonight," she whispered to herself with a nervous tremor in her voice.
Hearing the knock on the door, Buffy let a bright smile come over her face as she ran for it. "I was starting to get impatient…"
Trailing off as her smile faded, she felt a tremor of fear go through her when her stomach dropped.
"Parker," she whispered, taking a nervous step away from the door as she looked into his cold eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"What's the matter?" he asked in a voice that Buffy was all too familiar with. "Not happy to see me? Or were you expecting someone else?"
Shattered
"Angel back yet?" Faith asked, walking into the living room of the fraternity house and looking around. She rolled her eyes and smiled as the room full of men playfully leered at her. She was used to the familiar antics of Angel's friends, knowing that they were just being appreciative of her and had a funny way of showing it. "Yo! Everyone direct your attention about eight inches higher," she said with a laugh before seeing Riley and Gunn walk out of the kitchen.
"Faith," Gunn nodded in greeting while Riley gave her a wave. "Angel's not back yet."
"Okay. I'll be in his room. You boys don't have too much fun," she replied, heading toward the stairs and leaving the guys to have their 'boys night in'.
Everyone sat in the spacious room, talking and laughing for several minutes, occasionally throwing popcorn at the TV screen when Riley heard a soft thud. Frowning, he looked around the room, realizing it was coming from the kitchen. Motioning for Gunn to follow him, both men got up and walked through the house.
"Did you hear that?" Riley asked quietly, his brow furrowed as they walked into the kitchen.
"Sounded like it was coming from the back door."
Slowly approaching, Riley's frown deepened when he heard what sounded like a small whimper. Pulling open the door, both men felt their blood run cold as they saw the tiny blonde sitting on the back porch, blood slowly streaming down her body from multiple cuts along her face and arms. It streaked the porch, leaving the wood almost black as it dripped down her legs. Wearing nothing but a tattered, white satin pajama top that barely offered any coverage as she clutched at it, they noticed the white fabric becoming a strong shade of crimson before their eyes. Riley felt the bile rise in his throat when he saw that most of the collective blood flow was focused around her thighs. He didn't want to think about the implications of that as he tried to get his brain to function.
"We need help in here!" Gunn shouted, running out of the room as Riley slowly crouched in front of the young girl.
"Buffy," he whispered, hearing his housemates walk up behind them and seeing her cringe at the combination of the collective gasp that ran throughout the room and the fact that she was nearly naked in front of a bunch of men. "I'm going to pick you up and take you inside…okay?"
Trembling as her knuckles turned white with the force of holding the shirt together, Buffy nodded. She didn't want to be around any man right now, but her subconscious knew that she was safe here, having run across the entire campus to get away from Parker. This house was her safe haven. Spike would be here.
Riley carefully picked her up, preparing himself for a surprise attack from the frightened girl and only slightly relieved when she didn't do anything. He would almost prefer if she had fought him- at least then he would get some kind of reaction. Seeing Gunn reappear with a blanket, they covered Buffy as best they could before carrying her through the house and into the living room.
"Go get Faith," Riley whispered, not wanting to startle Buffy anymore than she already was. Watching Gunn run toward the stairs, he felt her trembling worsen as he quickly made his way to the couch. Placing her gently on the cushions before turning to the group of men who were silently following him, he quickly looked around the room. "Graham, you and Lindsey go find Spike. He and Angel were going to get a few beers, so split up and hit their favorite spots. Just get him here."
The two men quickly ran out the door with a few more volunteering and running out as well. Every man in the house was becoming increasingly protective over the young woman. Most of them hadn't even met her, but they knew Spike and they knew what she meant to him.
"Buffy, can you talk to me?" Riley asked, leaning down to face her so he wouldn't seem imposing.
Seeing her shy away from him, he quickly backed away.
"It's okay," he said in a soothing voice. "No one's going to hurt you."
Hearing a commotion behind him, he stepped aside when he saw Faith running down the stairs. She quickly made her way over to the couch and Riley was moderately relieved when Buffy relaxed as soon as she saw the other woman.
"Hey, B," Faith said gently in a soft voice, swallowing hard when she saw some of the blood. "You're safe now, okay?"
Getting a slight nod, Faith slowly wrapped her arms around the blonde's shoulders, helping her stand.
"We're going to go get you cleaned up, okay?"
Not getting a verbal response, she felt a little relieved when Buffy began to walk with her toward the stairs.
"Is someone getting Spike?" Faith whispered, turning toward Riley for a moment. Seeing him nod, she breathed a soft sigh of relief and helped Buffy up the stairs, wanting to get her cleaned up as quickly as possible.
Spike said goodnight to Willy, leaving some money on the bar as he stood up. Angel had left a few minutes before, wanting to find Faith. Not that Spike blamed his friend for ducking out as soon as he could- he was hardly good company tonight.
'At least I get to go see Buffy now,' he thought, looking at his watch.
Walking toward the door, he was practically run over by Lindsey, barely catching himself as he nearly flew backwards with the momentum behind the other man.
"Where's the fire?" Spike asked, studying the other man after he'd steadied himself.
"It's Buffy," Lindsey said, slightly out of breath.
"Buffy?" Spike repeated, feeling as if his heart stopped. "What about Buffy?"
"She's at the house. She's…it's not good, Spike."
Feeling his entire world shifting beneath him, Spike quickly ran out of the bar with the other man right behind him.
Note: Long note alert :-) After such an angsty chapter, I thought I owed everyone another one, since there's been so many wonderful reviews. As a side note- I've been told that this story has some vague similarities to a B/A story by an author named Tango. Since I've never read any B/A fics, I was unaware of this and was given the link. I read through a portion of the story and there was one chapter that is similar to one that I have in store, but other than that, I feel they each have their own unique spin on an abusive perspective. Her story is called Abused and I've tried to e-mail the author to see if she would like to read the chapter before I post it in a few days, but I haven't gotten a response yet. I just wanted to say that any similarities in any part of my story are entirely unintentional and even though I have no interest in reading B/A, I know that there are some people who read both pairings and she is an impressive author if anyone is looking for a good writer in that fandom. Thanks to everyone for all of the lovely reviews- it might be a few days before the next update, because I really need to focus on Daughter of Prophecy for a couple of days, but I should have another update this weekend.
Broken
Riley saw Spike run through the front door and immediately he began looking around in a panic. Catching him by the shoulders before he ran upstairs, Riley turned him around.
"It's not good, Spike," he said in a serious tone.
"What do you mean 'not good'?" he asked through gritted teeth. "Where is she?"
"Up in Angel's room," Riley replied, tightening his hold when Spike tried to break away. "Spike! She's banged up pretty bad. Angel got in a few minutes ago and he went to check on her and Faith…he said that you might want to wait until he comes out before you go in."
Growling low in his throat, Spike squeezed his eyes shut, knowing that if Angel had seen Buffy, he would only say what was in her best interest. "Fine," he muttered, more frustrated than he'd ever been in his life.
Slowly climbing the stairs, a thought occurred to Spike as he turned around and looked at Riley. "You better go check on her roommate, Finn."
"Willow?"
"Yeah," Spike said, his brows knit together as he nodded. "Something tells me Abrams is going to be looking for Buffy, and I don't want Red to get caught in the crossfire."
"How is she?" Spike asked a few minutes later, nervously pacing in front of Angel's door and inhaling sharply on a cigarette.
Angel quietly shut the door behind him before leaning against the wall. "Not good," he said solemnly. "She stayed in the bedroom the entire time I was in there, and I've only caught a glimpse of her…she was practically trying to crawl out the window to get away from me. She doesn't want anyone in the room except Faith. Now that it's sunk in and the pain is fresh, it looks like she thinks every man is a potential threat, not just Abrams."
Spike's hands were trembling as he took another long drag, desperately wishing he could hold her in his arms. "Should she go to the hospital?" he asked, blowing the smoke out of his nose.
"If she's not showing improvement in a couple of hours, I'd say yes. But let's wait and see what Faith thinks."
Spike nodded, realizing that Angel was watching him closely. "What?"
"You're not going to do anything stupid, are you?"
"Define stupid," Spike muttered, crushing the cigarette under his heel, uncaring that he was smashing it into the hall floor.
"Spike," Angel said quietly. "You're the best friend I have, which is why I'm telling you this-"
"If you tell me not to go after Abrams, I'll beat the shit out of you first."
"Spike, I love that girl in there as if she was my sister. I would take out Abrams myself, if I could, but you have to think of all the possibilities."
"Such as?" Spike asked skeptically.
"Buffy needs you here. She needs you in one piece, and I don't think it would do her any good to be worrying about you."
"I can handle myself, Peaches," Spike replied in a deadly tone. "That little ponce might be able to intimidate women half his size, but he's got another thing coming if he thinks he can get away with it."
Angel opened his mouth to respond when the door opened behind him.
"Spike," Faith said quietly. "She's asking for you."
Spike practically bolted to the door but was quickly shoved away by the smaller girl.
"Listen up, Blondie. B has had a traumatic night and she doesn't need you to go barging into her room, scaring her anymore. Keep an eye on her. Pay attention to what she doesn't feel comfortable with, and make sure she's the one to approach you. Got it?"
Spike nodded as Faith stepped out of the way. He slowly walked through the small sitting room and knocked lightly on the door of the bedroom. His jaw clenched when the door opened and Buffy stood cowering in front of him. Wearing a pair of loose cotton pants that belonged to Faith and one of Angel's oversized, button-down shirts, she looked so…weak. The light in the room was dim, but he could easily make out the damage on her face.
A deep gash ran along her left temple, framed by a dark bruise. Her lower lip was split on the right side and another cut ran underneath her right eye. A nasty looking bruise darkened the skin of her jaw and spread along her neck, making Spike wonder just how many injuries layered the clothed parts of her body. He could see a bruise beginning to form underneath her left eye and had to repress the urge to look away.
Staring at him with glassy eyes that showed no emotion, Buffy seemed to be looking right through him. Spike took a small step forward, cringing when she flew across the room and huddled near the wall.
"Buffy," he whispered soothingly. "It's me, luv. It's Spike." He saw her shoulders slump when she recognized his voice, but the look of terror was still in her eyes. "Faith said you asked for me," he continued, making sure to stay frozen in place as he spoke. "I'll leave if you want me to…is that what you want?" He saw a tiny, almost imperceptible, shake of her head and felt himself relax a little bit. "Is it okay if I come closer?"
An eternity seemed to pass before Buffy nodded, her arms wrapped firmly around her body. Spike hesitantly entered the room, leaving the door open, knowing that she would feel trapped if he closed it.
He looked around the room, seeing only a bed and a chair and decided his best option was going to be the chair. "I'm going to sit down, okay?"
Buffy nodded and Spike watched as she slowly got to her feet when he was seated in the chair.
"You know I'm not going to hurt you," Spike whispered.
Taking a deep breath before crossing the room, Buffy didn't hesitate as she sat on Spike's lap and immediately curled into his body. Spike cradled her as if he was cradling a baby, rocking her back and forth and murmuring soothing sounds into her ear. He felt her slowly relax as the tears began.
"Buffy," he whispered after a few minutes, waiting until she pulled back to look at him. "I want to take you to the hospital, luv." She automatically tensed in his arms, and Spike caressed her back to relax her. "I think it's for the best…you know that, right?"
"I don't want to go," she finally spoke, her voice coming out in a hoarse whisper as she desperately clutched at his shirt. "He'll find me, Spike. He'll…he's going to try and hurt me again."
"But he's not going to get to you," he reassured her, pulling her closer to him. "Did you take a shower yet?"
Buffy shook her head, pressing her body closer to his. "Faith just helped me clean up some of the blood," she whispered. "She told me that I probably shouldn't do anything, except change clothes."
"Good," Spike whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. "We can take Angel and Faith with us. And Riley went to pick up Willow. What do you say?"
"You won't leave me?" she asked, tucking her head under his chin and linking one of her hands with his.
"Not unless you want me to."
"Even if they examine me?" she asked, a tremor of fear in her voice.
"I'll stay as long as you need me."
"How's forever?" Buffy murmured. "Does forever work for you?"
"No," Spike whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Forever's not long enough."
Never Leave Me
Walking out of the library, Willow frowned as she looked up when she ran into something solid. Letting her eyes adjust to the darkness, they immediately widened when she saw Parker standing in front of her.
"Where is she?" he growled, looking around before settling his eyes on Willow.
"I don't know," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the so-called man. "What did you do to her this time?"
"Nothing she didn't deserve," he replied, looking around as if Buffy would materialize out of thin air at any moment.
"Maybe she'll finally wise up and dump your sorry ass," Willow said with a raised eyebrow, not showing how much he intimidated her as he closed the distance between them.
"What did you say?" Parker asked, his eyes narrowed.
"You heard me," she countered, raising her chin defiantly.
"You little bitches are all the same," Parker said in a low voice.
"What did you do to my friend?" Willow asked again, never taking a step back. She refused to be intimidated by this coward.
"I taught her a lesson."
"Meaning?"
"What do you think it means?" he replied, nearing his breaking point.
"I know what it means," Willow whispered, her jaw set in anger. "Guys who beat their girlfriends because they're too weak to be real men deserve lessons, too."
Not letting him have a chance to figure out what she meant, Willow kicked Parker in the groin, making sure that the pointed toe of her boot made direct contact with his crotch. Satisfied when he doubled over, screaming in agony, she allowed a brief smile to cross her face before running down the path. Feeling herself crashing into something solid for the second time, she looked up to see that she was in Riley's arms.
"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.
"I'm fine," she whispered, breathing a sigh of relief that she was safe in his embrace.
"Is it Parker?" Riley asked, already walking around the redhead and pushing the door open.
"He's a little incapacitated for the moment. Be careful," she called after him, wringing her hands together as he took off at a run.
Standing still for a tense few moments, Willow was about to go after him when she saw him hurrying back to her.
"Come on," he said softly, taking her hand and leading her toward the parking lot.
"What about-"
"We'll have to finish with him later," he said, pocketing his cell phone. "Angel called and said that we need to get to the hospital."
"Hospital? Is Buffy okay?" she asked frantically.
"She's…she needs support right now," Riley said gently.
"B-but she's gonna be okay, right?"
"Spike's with her," he replied softly, trying to avoid the question as best as he could.
Spike held Buffy's hand as she flinched in pain, closing her eyes and unconsciously leaning toward him as they continued the pelvic exam. Leaning over her and running his hand over her forehead, Spike gave her a gentle smile, trying to silently let her know that she would be okay.
"Alright, Miss Summers," the doctor said, sitting back and handing some things to the nurse. "We're finished- you can get dressed now. I'll come back in a minute and we can talk."
Buffy nodded as the woman excused herself from the room. Sitting up and grimacing in pain, Spike let go of her hand and stepped toward the door.
"Where are you going?" she asked, her voice panicked as she stared at him wide-eyed.
"I was going to step outside while you got dressed, luv," he said gently.
"Please don't leave," she whispered, biting her bottom lip as she looked at him. It had been hard enough to be alone for the few minutes that it took her to get into the gown- Buffy didn't know if she could handle him walking out right now.
"I think you'll be more comfortable-"
"Please," she whispered, looking at him with a pleading gaze.
"Alright then," he said softly, giving her a small smile, before turning around to give her a modicum of privacy.
Buffy tried to push any disturbing thoughts out of her mind. She knew Spike was a gentleman and didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but another thought was making itself known.
'Of course he wouldn't want to look at you. You're practically broken. He can do better than some charity case.'
Quickly dressing in the pants that Faith had given her, Buffy was grateful for the large shirt of Angel's that seemed to swallow her figure, hiding the worst of the damage.
"All done," she murmured, gingerly pushing herself back up to sit on the table as Spike turned around.
A soft smile graced his features as he looked at her. "Remind me to give you one of my shirts when we get home. You could get lost in that one."
Buffy offered him a tiny smile, immediately relaxing when he walked over and held her hand. "Thank you for being here," she whispered, feeling his finger hook under her chin and tilt her head up to look at him.
"I'm not going anywhere."
Hearing a soft knock on the door, both turned to see the tall brunette walk in. "Am I okay, Dr. Burkle?" Buffy asked softly, practically retreating into herself as she leaned into Spike.
"I think you'll be fine," the young woman began in a gentle voice. "Maybe we should discuss this in private."
Spike was sure that he was going to have some broken bones in his hand as her hold tightened on it. "I want him here," she whispered, looking at Spike to make sure he was okay with staying and relaxing slightly when she saw him smile at her reassuringly.
"If that's what you want, Buffy," she said softly, causing Spike's blood to run cold at the informal mention of her name. He knew that this wouldn't be good, considering the doctor was obviously trying to relax her.
"It is," Buffy replied, leaning into Spike's touch as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"You said that it was your boyfriend who did this to you?" Dr. Burkle asked, looking hesitantly at Spike.
"Yes," she replied before seeing the other woman's look. "But Spike's not my boyfriend. He's, um…he's…"
"Her friend," he said with a smile, feeling Buffy relax even more.
"How long has the abuse been going on?" Dr. Burkle asked softly.
Spike felt Buffy tense up at the unfamiliar term. "A while," she murmured, unable to make eye contact with either person in the room.
"I've turned the results of the preliminary tests over to the police at your earlier request, but I think you may need to see a counselor, Buffy."
"No," she whispered, biting her lip and looking at Spike for support, shying away from him when she saw that he obviously agreed with the other woman.
"I know that it doesn't feel very comfortable, but dealing with something as physically and psychologically damaging as rape-"
The doctor cut herself off when she visibly noticed the man in front of her tense up and look at Buffy.
"Rape?" he asked in disbelief.
"I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes," Dr. Burkle said, excusing herself from the room.
"He…"
"It's not like that, Spike," Buffy answered, feeling the need to defend herself. She felt filthy and used and seeing the judgment in his eyes made her want to sob in anguish. In her mind, the judgment was for her and not Parker.
"Then what's it like, Buffy?" he asked, trying to keep the accusing tone out of his voice, since it wasn't meant for her.
"It's…th-that's just…that's the way it is."
"What?" he asked, looking at her as if she'd lost her mind and immediately regretting it when he saw her shrink away from him.
"I-It's supposed to be this way," she answered timidly, wiping the tears away that were frantically spilling over. "It's always been this way and I don't…"
"Buffy," Spike whispered, his heart breaking for the young woman as he wrapped his arms around her. "That's not the way relationships work, luv. Not when…"
He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence as his voice became choked with emotion. Feeling her tears seep into his shirt, he held her closer to him, careful not to hurt her anymore.
Hearing the doctor walk in, Spike slowly pulled away, leaving a tender kiss on her forehead before taking a step back. "I'll be back soon," he whispered.
"Wh-where are you going?" Buffy asked, her terrified voice nearly sending him right back to her, but he knew that if he did that, he'd never leave.
"I'll be back," he said with a smile for her benefit. "I promise."
"You're going to find him, aren't you?" she asked, looking after him with sad eyes- silently willing him to stay with her.
"I'm going to keep you safe."
"I'm safer with you here," she whispered, silently pleading with him to turn around.
"You'll be safer after I take care of him."
Note: The end of this chapter has some similarities to the story Abused that I mentioned in a previous chapter. As I mentioned, I tried e-mailing the author a few weeks ago, to see if she'd like to look it over, but I never got a response. The basic idea is the same and entirely unintentional.
Balance the Scales
Knowing that the little rat wouldn't leave town, Spike went to the Zeta Kappa fraternity house first. After grabbing a freshman and asking where Parker was, Spike quickly made his way to Stevenson, walking to Buffy's room at the end of the hall and kicking open the door.
"Oh look," Parker said in a condescending tone. "It's the white knight, coming to-"
Spike immediately slammed his fist into the other man's face, a maniacal smile crossing his face when he heard the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking.
"You son of a-"
He was silenced once more as Spike punched him again, never giving him a chance to fight back. Kicking his legs out from under him, he continued to pummel the other man. "What's the matter, Abrams?" Spike asked, jerking him up by the collar and shaking him. "You can hand it out, but you can't take it?" he asked, emphasizing his point by head-butting him, only feeling a moderate amount of satisfaction at the scream of pain. "Come on," he said. "Take it like a man."
Dropping Parker to the floor and kicking him in the gut, Spike could feel his strength slowly draining away as the red haze faded. Glancing to his left, he felt sickened when he saw the blood that covered the sheets of the bed. Buffy's blood.
Attacking him with renewed force, Spike didn't stop until his knuckles were bruised and bleeding.
"Stay the hell away from her, Abrams, or you'll regret it," Spike said in a menacing tone, breathing heavily from the exertion of beating the other man.
Pausing when he heard Parker's annoying laughter, Spike looked at him with contempt in his eyes. Watching as Parker painfully got to his feet, falling down after several attempts, he raised an eyebrow at the other man.
"So she got to you, did she?" Parker asked.
Spike clenched his jaw, trying to regulate his breathing.
"Definitely a bunny in the sack, even if she is a little whiney."
Spike's bruised fists clenched in anticipation of wiping the smug look off Parker's face.
"She'll never love you the way she loves me."
"She doesn't love you," Spike growled.
"Has she told you that?" Parker asked with smirk before a laugh erupted from him. "Has she told you how she whispers into my ear how much she loves me while I'm inside of her?"
Spike's anger boiled over as he landed a hard hit to Parker's face. Not stopping with just one punch, he continued pummeling him. "If you're laughing," he ground out between hits. "You're not in enough pain."
Walking into his room, Spike looked around the small living room before turning toward the bedroom, seeing the soft glow of the lamp as he passed through the door.
"You alright?" he asked, seeing Buffy curled up on the bed. Still wearing Angel's shirt and lying in the large bed, she looked even frailer than she did at the hospital. Glancing around the room, Spike was surprised that her friends left her alone until he came back. "Buffy?"
"Where did you go?" she asked, never making eye contact with him as he sat down on the bed and ran a soothing hand over her back.
"I took care of it."
"You found him, didn't you?"
"I did," he replied, not seeing the point of lying to her.
"And?"
"Took him to the police. Actually, I took the bloodied mess that he resembled to the police."
"You beat him up?" Buffy asked, rolling over to look at him.
"I did."
"And then you took him to the police?"
"Yes, luv."
"What if he has you arrested?" she asked in a panicked voice.
"He won't," Spike said reassuringly. "Not if he knows what's good for him. But if you're worried about what might happen, don't worry," he continued, trailing his hand along her back. "If he tries to have me taken in, there will be plenty of people around you at all times. Angel, Riley, Gunn…they'll all watch after you at any time, if I'm not here."
Relaxing her shoulders and taking his hands in hers, Buffy studied Spike's bleeding knuckles with a concerned look on her face.
"You should get these cleaned up," she whispered.
"Yeah," he murmured with a nod. "I just had to check on you first," he said with a smile before getting up and walking toward the bathroom. "I'll be out in five minutes."
Spike quickly cleaned and bandaged his hands before staring at his reflection in the mirror for a long moment. "She needs you to be her friend," he muttered to himself. "So go out there."
Taking a deep breath before opening the door, Spike was moderately surprised to see that all the light had been extinguished from the room. A faint silver and blue glow from the window cast everything in soft shades. Looking around the room for a moment, he frowned when he saw Buffy standing next to the bed, wearing one of his red shirts and nervously toying with the two buttons that were holding it together.
"What are you doing, luv?" he asked, slowly approaching her.
Unable to look at him, Buffy kept her eyes downcast as she answered. "Isn't this the part where you and I…"
Frowning for a moment, Spike's eyes widened when he realized what she was saying. "No," he said, shaking his head and causing her to look up at him. "I'm not taking advantage of you, Buffy."
He could see the tears shimmering in her eyes and longed to close the distance between them and hold her, but he was scared what her reaction might be.
"It's not taking advantage if you want it," she murmured.
"Yes, it is," he replied quietly. "We're not doing anything tonight, Buffy."
"But I thought that…"
She trailed off as she choked on the words. Seeing the tears slipping down her cheeks, Spike hurried over to her, wrapping his arms around her as she cried. Feeling her relax after a moment, he pulled back slightly to look at her, surprised when her hands wrapped around his neck to pull him down to her.
Feeling Buffy's soft lips against his, Spike didn't know if he would have the willpower to stay strong if she kept kissing him. Subtly trying to pull away from her, he groaned when she took his hand in hers and placed it over her breast, encouraging him with every subtle move.
Breaking away and gasping for air, Spike quickly put some distance between them, seeing the hurt look that crossed her face. "We're not doing this," he whispered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
Seeing her chin quiver, Spike quickly caught her arm before she ran out the door.
"Buffy, please talk to me."
"I-I just…I thought that you wanted me," she whispered as she tried to muffle another sob.
"I do," he whispered, pulling her to him for a tender hug and letting one hand run through her hair. "But not tonight. Not like this. Buffy, we'll do this when you're ready…when I know that it's what you want. When I know that you want to be with me and not when you think that I should have you."
"But what if I do want you?" she whispered, clutching at his shirt and letting the tears fall as she buried her face in his chest. "I don't know what else to do, Spike. I don't know how to make this okay and I don't know how to repay you for everything."
"This isn't about some debt you owe," he murmured, pulling back to look into her eyes. "Parker, he…he has no idea how to treat a woman. When it happens for us, it will be because both of us want it to…alright?"
Buffy nodded, wiping the tears away as Spike worked the remaining buttons of the shirt, offering more privacy. Finishing his task, he noticed that her chin was quivering and quickly pulled her into his arms.
"Talk to me, Buffy."
"It's me, isn't it?" she whispered tearfully.
Spike closed his eyes as the tears blurred his vision, tightening his hold on her. "No," he said softly, shaking his head to emphasize the point. "It's not you."
"I just don't understand," she murmured. "You're a guy. Aren't guys supposed to…"
"Not all guys," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. "You need to get some rest, luv," he whispered, noticing the sky brightening already.
"Stay with me?" she asked softly, looking up at him with a watery gaze filled with hope.
Seeing the hope in her eyes as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead, Spike nodded.
Leading her toward the bed, he pulled back the covers, letting her climb in first before taking off his boots and joining her.
"Do you always sleep fully-clothed?" Buffy asked, her hand trailing along his covered chest.
"Only when I'm alone with a beautiful woman," he replied with a soft smile.
"Who you don't want," she murmured, feeling the need to fill in the blank.
"No," he whispered, pulling her closer to him and closing his eyes. "Who I want so badly, I don't trust myself around her."