"Desire & Deception"
Author: Ashlee
Contact: ashlee_999@hotmail.com
Notes: Spike can be a jerk in this story. He's not abusive, he's simply mean in a couple of chapters. If you don't like that side of Spike, it's very simple, don't read! This story was originally going to be much darker, but I toned it down a lot!
Almost Perfect
Buffy Summers slowly walked through the double doors of her penthouse apartment, tossing her keys down on the small, ornate table that rested by the door. She turned and carefully walked down the two steps that led to the spacious living room of the apartment, before turning to her left, her heels clacking on the polished hardwood floor as she walked toward the master bedroom. With a sigh, she threw her packages and bags down on the four-poster bed that stood against one wall.
Turning toward the door that led to the master bathroom, Buffy caught a glimpse of herself in the antique mirror that hung above her dresser.
"You look tired, Summers," she whispered to herself, taking in the dark shadows under her eyes and her pale face. She would definitely have to get out more. She lived in California, but there was no hint of a tan on her body. Her apartment complex was even on the beach, but that summer, Buffy rarely left the confines of her home unless it was to go shop. She didn't really have a reason for staying inside- she just chose to.
Shaking her head, Buffy pushed through the bathroom door, shedding her clothes as she turned the taps on the large whirlpool tub. Wrapping herself in her silk robe, she pulled her hair up into a clip while the tub slowly filled. Buffy quickly added bubbles and bath salts before walking back into the bedroom.
She could see the ocean waves crashing against the shore as she stood and looked out one of the picture windows.
"I'll go out today," Buffy said with a firm nod. "I'll do something besides shop for a change."
Of course, it wasn't her money. It was his. The apartment was his. Hell, she even felt like she was his.
She hadn't seen Spike in while, but she knew he was busy with work. He always made an effort to see her a few times a week, no matter how busy he was.
Buffy stepped away from the window, going over to the bed and opening several bags. Most were from Victoria's Secret, her favorite store. She pulled out several of the undergarments. Various styles and fabrics. Different colors and textures. Buffy didn't have a lot of preference when it came to that store.
Buffy held up the black sheer mesh babydoll with the high cut sides and strappy details. The matching thong completed the ensemble. Buffy looked through the rest of her purchases- slips, chemises, numerous other babydolls, gowns. Everything was purchased with Spike in mind. She knew that he would appreciate the effort, even if he wasn't around as often as she preferred.
Laying everything out on the bed, Buffy turned and headed back into the bathroom. The tub was almost filled, and Buffy inhaled the relaxing sent of rosemary as it wafted up from the water.
She gasped when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist.
"Hey, baby," a husky voice whispered before she felt him kiss her shoulder.
Buffy smiled, relaxing in Spike's arms. "I didn't know you were coming over today," she said, snuggling further into his embrace.
Spike smiled, his hands dropping down to play with the sash of her robe, slowly loosening it. "I took an early lunch," he said, leaving slow, lazy kisses along her neck as the robe parted, his hands sliding upward to cup her bare breasts. "Make that a long lunch," he whispered, a smile in his voice as Buffy moaned against him, pushing herself into him and feeling his prominent erection against her lower back. "Feel like company in there, kitten?" he asked, gesturing toward the tub.
Buffy didn't answer as she turned in his arms and began loosening the tie around his neck and simultaneously unbuttoning his shirt.
Spike smiled as Buffy bit her lip in concentration, giving her an innocent look. "You've been busy today, pet," he said, gesturing to the bedroom. "I'll have to get a fashion show."
Buffy looked up and smiled when she saw the smirk on his lips. "Do you think you could make it through the first thing I put on?"
"Probably not," Spike replied with a shrug as he slid the robe from her shoulders. "But that's half the fun, isn't it?" he asked with a smile.
"I suppose so," Buffy said, her hands traveling to work on his belt as Spike leaned over to shut off the water.
Once Buffy had successfully stripped him of every amount of clothing, she stepped back and admired the lean, muscular body. Spike stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her as her hands automatically rested on his chest. Leaning down for a gentle kiss, Buffy squealed with the unexpected feeling of being lifted up.
Spike's lips stayed fused to hers as he stepped over the edge of the huge tub and quickly sat down with Buffy straddling his lap. Both moaned as the hot water immersed their bodies, soothing both of them, as Buffy wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling him closer as he kissed her, feeling his hands running the length of her thigh to settle at her waist, raising her slightly.
Buffy gasped suddenly as she felt herself lowered onto his hard shaft, moaning at the contact as she thrust herself down on him, imbedding him completely inside her. Her gaze slowly lowered to Spike's. She watched him as she began moving against him, his lust-filled eyes watching her as his hands ran over her wet body. Buffy moaned as she felt him thrust into her, her fingernails clawing at his glistening chest, careful not to scratch him as she moved.
Without warning, Spike sat up, effectively changing the angle of his penetration. He smiled at the cry that Buffy let out as she threw her head back in bliss. His lips immediately went to her neck as he trailed downward, leaving soft kisses in his wake. Her hands went to the back of his head as his tongue lightly circled a nipple before latching on.
Buffy sped up her movements, craving more friction, as Spike's arms wrapped around her body, pulling her closer to him. Buffy moaned in frustration as her movements were stalled.
"Spike," she whispered, trying desperately to break his hold on her so she could move freely. "What are you doing?"
"Easy, kitten," he replied in a hoarse voice. "Have I ever left you unsatisfied?"
Buffy was able to relax slightly at his words. No, he had never left her unsatisfied. If anything, he always left her overly satisfied, if such a thing were possible. He was never completely happy with their time together until she had at least three orgasms. Buffy wasn't sure what drove him to give her such a thorough seeing to, but she sure as hell wasn't going to argue.
Buffy moaned again as his hands went to her waist, raising her slightly to give him more movement as he moved in and out of her with an agonizingly slow pace. Buffy pushed against him as much as she could, her breathing becoming more labored as she stared into Spike's eyes, always amazed at the connection she felt whenever she looked into the sapphire pools.
"Spike, I-I need you," she whispered in a strained voice. She felt an enormous sense of relief as Spike let his hands fall away, giving her free reign to let her move. Buffy's hands immediately braced against his chest as she sped up her thrusts, rolling her hips against his as she felt the beginning of her climax.
Spike seemed to sense the change as well, grabbing her hips again, only this time it was to assist her, fully pulling out of her and slamming back in at full force until he felt her inner muscles begin to squeeze him in a strangling hold. Buffy gasped, seconds before her orgasm crashed into her. Clutching at Spike as if her life depended on it, she screamed out her release, arching her back as she felt him begin to spill himself within her while clutching her in an iron grip.
Both gasped for air as they slowly began to come down. Buffy lowered her head to rest on his shoulder as Spike ran his hands over her back, gently playing with the damp tendrils that had escaped the clip.
"That was…" Buffy trailed off in a breathless whisper.
"Yeah," Spike whispered, knowing what she meant.
Two hours (and four orgasms) later, the lovers lay curled up in the center of the huge bed, limbs intertwined. Buffy could sense the change in his mood as his breathing changed. She knew that he was preparing to leave, and she couldn't help the sigh that escaped when he kissed the top of her head, his universal sign that he was about to get up and leave her cold and alone.
Just as Buffy thought, seconds later, Spike was climbing out of the bed and walking to the bathroom to collect his clothes. Buffy modestly pulled the sheets up over her chest as she propped her head up on one hand.
"Do you have to go?" she asked as Spike reappeared a few minutes later, buttoning his shirt as he walked.
"You know I do, baby," he said, offering her a small smile in the reflection of the mirror as he began working on his tie.
"You never stay," Buffy said softly as she avoided his eyes, tracing erratic patterns on the bed-sheets.
"Buffy," he said in a warning tone. "We've been over this. You know as well as I do that-"
"That what we have is a good thing, and it's all you can offer me right now," Buffy interrupted, rolling her eyes at the speech that she had heard all too often since they met six months ago.
"Buffy…"
"No, I understand," Buffy said, never meeting his gaze.
"Do you?"
Finally looking up, Buffy tried to disguise the hurt in her eyes as she nodded. "You know I do," she whispered softly.
"Okay," Spike said, sliding on his tailor-made coat as he bent to give her a farewell kiss. "I'll call you tomorrow."
"That long?" Buffy asked with a pout that caused Spike to smile and kiss her again.
"Tonight, then." Spike's smile broadened when he saw Buffy's eyes light up. "I'll see you soon, luv."
Buffy watched as Spike walked out of the bedroom, waiting until she heard the click of the front door before she let the tears come to her eyes. Laying her head back on one of the many down pillows, Buffy stared up at the ceiling. She and Spike really did have a good thing. She knew that he cared for her, even if he didn't admit to loving her. Love would have to wait, and Buffy knew it. Yes, they would have a great relationship…if he didn't go home to his wife every night.
Note: Okay, I feel the need to emphasize that, although I toned it down, this is still a DARK fiction. I've never written anything like this, the most comparable would be Fire and Ice, but if you don't like that kind of story, stop reading, because you won't like this one.
Broken Promises
Buffy walked into her apartment, shaking the sand out of her hair from laying out on the beach most of the afternoon. She had been trying to get her tan back to the golden color it had once been, and she was happy to see that she had almost accomplished her task. Turning to the right, she quickly walked down the hall to the guest bathroom, not wanting to leave a trail of sand all the way through her bedroom.
After a quick shower, Buffy quickly put her hair up in a towel and wrapped herself in a terrycloth robe before walking through the living room to the spacious kitchen in the back corner of the apartment.
Spike was coming over tonight, and Buffy wanted to make an effort and go all out for him. Buffy began arranging everything in the kitchen, setting out the ingredients for her homemade spaghetti sauce as she set the water on the stove to boil later.
Ten minutes later, she smiled as she looked around the kitchen. The French bread was sitting out, waiting to be warmed. The sauce was in the beginning stages and simmering on the stove, and Buffy turned on another burner for the water to boil. Tonight was their six-month anniversary, and Buffy wanted to make it special for Spike.
Buffy quickly left the kitchen and passed through the smaller dining area. Once she entered the living room, she looked at the clock above the mantelpiece and realized she was going to be late if she didn't hurry.
Hurriedly changing into an elegant black dress that hugged her curves, Buffy appraised herself in the mirror. With the draped neckline that showed a generous amount of cleavage and the hem that was daringly shorter than she usually chose, Buffy nodded at her reflection. This dress was sure to knock Spike's socks off.
'Or some other piece of clothing,' Buffy thought with a giggle as she walked into the bathroom and began drying her hair.
Letting the natural curl shine through, she applied some mascara and lip gloss, not wanting to overdo the make-up. Slipping on her strappy sandals, Buffy made it back to the kitchen just as her water was beginning to boil. As she was putting the spaghetti in to boil and checking on the sauce, Buffy heard the phone ring.
Grabbing one of the many cordless phones from a base in the kitchen, Buffy pressed the talk button.
"Hello?"
"Hello, luv."
Buffy had to smile at the soft tone that she was greeted with. "Hey," she said softly, the smile still on her face. "Are you on your way?" she asked, covering the spaghetti before stirring the sauce as she waited on his answer.
"No," he said quietly.
Buffy froze, her hand gripping the phone as she waited for him to say more.
"I'm sorry, luv, but Dru made reservations for us in some fancy restaurant. If I could get out of it, I would, but I only just found out."
Buffy fought the tears in her eyes as she tried to control her breathing. "So you're not coming over at all?" she asked, feeling as if her heart was breaking.
Spike paused for a minute, and Buffy could almost see him biting his lip as he postponed the inevitable. "No," he said in a gentle tone.
Buffy took a deep breath before slamming the lid down on the pan of sauce and turning off all the burners on the stove.
"What was that, pet?" he asked worriedly.
"Nothing for you to be concerned about," Buffy said in a harsh tone. She knew he didn't plan this, but it wasn't the first time something like this had happened, and Buffy wasn't exactly feeling generous tonight.
"Buffy, listen to me, I-"
"You didn't mean for it to happen," Buffy interrupted, trying to keep the rage out of her voice. "You didn't mean to hurt me, you didn't mean to break another promise. Save it, Spike! I've heard it all before!"
"Buffy, I'll make it up to you," he said in a soothing voice. The same voice he used when he was talking to clients of his company.
"Yeah," Buffy said sarcastically, trying her hardest to keep from crying. "That's what you're best at, isn't it, Spike? Making it better. Public Relations really is your strong suit…"
Buffy trailed off at the knock on the door. Walking through the apartment in confusion, she opened the door and was met with a huge floral arrangement.
"Buffy Summers?" the small man holding the flowers asked.
Buffy took the phone away from her ear as she nodded, letting the man in and gesturing for him to set them on the coffee table.
"Thank you," she mumbled as he walked out before turning her attention back to the phone. "You're a piece of work, do you know that?" she asked, her eyes shining. "You can't buy me off when you do something like this."
"It's worked before," Spike said, trying to lighten the mood but only serving to make it even worse.
"So, what's next?" Buffy asked. "My guess would be diamonds."
"Maybe."
"Don't," she said softly, shaking her head, even though he couldn't see it. "Just don't," she whispered before disconnecting the call.
Buffy felt her chin quiver as she stared at the flowers. Did he really think this would work? She looked down at the phone in her hand that was incessantly ringing. Caller ID informed her that it was Spike- as if she couldn't have guessed.
Buffy took a deep breath as anger seemed to cloud her vision. Pulling her arm back, she let the phone fly across the room, connecting with the wall and effectively dislodging the battery. But of course, the ringing didn't stop. After all, there were about five different phones in the penthouse.
Grabbing her purse off the end table, Buffy looked at the display of flowers again. For a moment, she thought about throwing it to the floor. Shattering the beautiful crystal vase and sending glass shards flying over the hardwood. The only thing that stopped her was the fact that she would have to clean it up.
Dropping her purse, Buffy picked up the flowers and walked into the kitchen, depositing the vase in the trash and resisting the urge to throw it into the metal wastebasket. She took the flowers and dumped them in the sink, shoving what she could down the drain as she flipped the garbage disposal.
When over half were effectively gone, Buffy turned off everything and walked out into the main room again. Picking up her purse, she left her cell phone sitting on the coffee table, knowing that Spike would try to call it soon, since the main line had stopped ringing a few moments ago.
Twenty minutes later, a tearful Buffy found herself in front of her best friend's house.
"Buffy," Willow gasped as she opened the door. "What happened to you?"
Buffy let the other girl lead her inside and direct her to the couch.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Willow asked worriedly as her girlfriend Tara walked into the room.
"It's nothing," Buffy said, sniffling and shaking her head. "It's just…tonight was our six month anniversary, and…"
"And he broke the date?" Tara supplied softly, sitting down next to Buffy.
She nodded miserably. "I don't know why I'm so surprised. It's not like he's great at keeping his promises," she continued with a wry smile.
"You care about him," Willow said, soothingly rubbing her friends back.
"But does he care about me?" Buffy asked quietly, not directing the question to anyone in particular.
"You know he does," Tara said softly.
"I know…otherwise I wouldn't be so miserable when he doesn't show up," Buffy said, trying to control her tears.
Later that night, Buffy was unlocking the door to her apartment. She'd spent the last four hours eating ice cream and popcorn while watching cheesy eighties movies with her friends. It was a long overdue, spur of the moment girls' night, and Buffy felt a hundred times better.
At least until she opened her front door and encountered Spike standing in the middle of her living room with a lit cigarette in his hand.
Despite his imposing presence, Buffy refused to be intimidated in her own home. Dropping her keys and purse on the table, she never made eye contact with him as she headed for the bedroom. "There's no smoking in here," she said in a strong voice, knowing that Spike would be following her. "You should know that, what with as many times as you're NOT here."
Buffy slipped out of her dress with her back to him, not caring if he was in the same room. Pulling out a cream-colored, sleeveless satin nightgown that skimmed the floor, she was about to slip it on when she felt his arms wrap around her waist.
"I'm here now, baby," he whispered, nuzzling her neck.
"Forget it, Spike," she said, pushing him away and pulling on her gown. "You're here too late." Turning around to face him, she gave him a long glare before continuing. "I'm guessing the Mrs. didn't feel like putting out tonight."
Spike's gaze turned cold as he stared at her. "Careful, Buffy," he said in a menacing voice. "That's my wife you're talking about."
"Yeah," Buffy said with an agreeable nod. "And I'm just your whore."
Spike clenched his jaw and looked at the ceiling as Buffy left the room, passing through the living room on her way to the kitchen. Spike caught up with her at the doorway, grabbing both her shoulders and spinning her to face him.
"I'm sorry about tonight, Buffy. I didn't know you had all that planned," he said, gesturing into the kitchen. "And I have never treated you like a whore."
Buffy turned her head as Spike moved in to kiss her. "Go home, Spike," she said softly.
"I can stay another hour, Buffy."
"Just what a girl wants to hear," Buffy replied with a fake smile. "Please, come over for an hour and fuck me so you can go home to your wife and do whatever the hell you want."
"Buffy…" Spike trailed off as Buffy pulled away from him, walking into the kitchen.
"Go home to your WIFE, William," she called with her back to him, not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes.
"I'll call you in a few days," he said softly before walking out the door.
Buffy closed her eyes, trying to will away the tears as she heard the door shut behind him. Losing the battle, her head fell into her hands as the sobs started.
'God, I want him so much,' she thought. 'But not like this. I want to be the only woman in his life. Not the other woman.'
Note: In case anyone is wondering, Drusilla is Spike's wife. I mentioned 'Dru' but I realized it wasn't exactly clear or it could have easily been skipped over. I hope that clears it up. Please review!
Once Upon a Time
Buffy lay on her bed, clutching her tearstained pillow to her chest as she tried to quiet her sobs. She hated herself for the weak, needy person she had become.
"You used to be better than this, Summers," she mumbled to herself, miserable. "Once upon a time, you never would have let a man destroy everything that was you."
'Once upon a time,' she thought. 'And once upon a time, you also had a dream of the prince that would magically come into your life.'
6 Months Ago
Buffy laughed as she ran across the playground, being chased by a group of rambunctious five year olds, before pretending to fall and letting the kids pounce on her.
Buffy loved this job. She had been a kindergarten teacher at Robertson Elementary School for the past year and a half and loved every minute of it. Her coworkers enjoyed her likable personality, and the parents were impressed with her vivacious attitude when teaching or playing with the kids in her class.
It was the end of the day, and Buffy looked around at the few remaining students she had, smiling as they all lay down around her and started making 'grass angels.' The air was crisp, but even though it was January, there was no chance of snow, so they had to improvise.
Buffy took a quick headcount, letting her eyes scan the playground, before coming to rest on the man standing on the other side of the fence. Frowning slightly, Buffy stood up, brushing the grass off her russet leather coat and adjusting the chocolate brown turtleneck underneath before approaching him.
"Can I help you?" she asked as she got closer.
"I don't know, Miss…?" he trailed off with a smirk.
"Summers," Buffy said skeptically as he took off his Ray-Bans. She found herself gulping at the ice blue eyes that suddenly appeared.
"Miss Summers," he replied softly as he extended his hand.
"And you are?" Buffy asked as she took his hand, trying to conceal the shiver that ran up her spine at the combination of the accent and the fact that he brought her hand to his lips, leaving a light kiss in his wake.
"William Atherton," he murmured against her skin. "I'm here to pick up Jessica Harris."
Buffy tried to force her brain to function as he held on to her hand, gently stroking his thumb over the sensitive flesh. "Oh, Xander's cousin," she said after a moment. "I'm sorry, it must have slipped my mind. I'll just go get -"
"Uncle Spike! Uncle Spike!"
Buffy was cut off as Spike stepped through the nearby gate and scooped up the little girl who was rapidly flying toward him.
"Uncle Spike?" Buffy asked skeptically.
"Well, Xander and I were always closer to brothers than cousins," Spike replied with a shrug.
"I was actually talking about 'Spike'," Buffy said with a smile.
"That will have to be explained in a more private setting, luv," he said, raising an eyebrow and smirking at the implications.
Buffy could feel herself blushing three different shades of red as Spike watched her with interest. "I don't think I'll be needing that explanation," Buffy replied as Spike's smirk broadened into a smile.
"Uncle Spike, can we go for ice cream?" Jessica asked, looking at him with wide brown eyes.
"I was thinking hot chocolate, Niblet," he replied.
"But I feel like ice cream. Please, Uncle Spike! They have hot chocolate-flavored," Jessica said, pleading her case.
"Fine," Spike grumbled good-naturedly. "Only a five year old would want ice cream when it's forty degrees outside."
"It's not that cold," Buffy said with a smile as Spike raised his eyes to hers once again.
"Care to join us, luv?" he asked, tilting his head slightly as if he was trying to memorize her features.
"I-I really don't think-"
"Please, Miss Summers," Jessica said with a smile.
"Please, Miss Summers," Spike repeated with a pout.
The pout definitely won her over. "Okay," she replied with a smile. "Give me a minute."
Spike watched as Buffy walked over to talk to another teacher on the playground before turning and heading back to the fence.
"All set?" Spike asked as Buffy approached.
"Yeah," she said with a nod.
An hour later, Spike got back in the car after dropping Jessica off with her parents. Buffy watched him carefully as he hesitated before starting the car.
"Thanks…for this, Spike," Buffy said softly. "It was nice to just relax for a change."
"You don't normally relax?" he asked as they headed back to the school for Buffy to get her car.
"I usually don't go out," Buffy replied, looking out her window.
"A gorgeous girl like you?" Spike asked disbelievingly. "I'm afraid that's a little hard to believe, luv."
Buffy flushed at being called gorgeous, something that did not go unnoticed by Spike. He found himself slowing down as they approached the school, not wanting this woman to leave his presence yet.
The rest of the trip was made in comfortable silence. Buffy felt disappointed when Spike pulled into the empty parking lot, coming to a stop next to the only car left. Buffy turned to him to say good-bye but was met with nothing as she saw Spike jogging around to open her door for her.
"Miss Summers," he said softly as he offered her his hand for assistance.
"Thank you," she replied with a soft smile. Standing up, she found herself staring into those unfathomable blue eyes. The early winter sunset was casting shadows and a golden color over his face, bringing out the sharp angles of his cheekbones and what looked to be incredibly soft lips.
Buffy felt her heart begin to race as Spike took a step toward her. His breath lightly swept over her skin as he looked deep into her eyes.
Slowly, Buffy watched as his hand came up to caress her cheek, his cool fingers sliding down until they came to rest lightly on the back of her neck. Using his hand as leverage, Buffy felt herself being pulled forward lightly before his lips brushed against hers in a tender kiss.
Even though their lips barely touched, Buffy found herself gasping for air as he pulled back to look at her. Brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes, Spike gave her a soft smile.
"I'd like to see you again," he whispered.
"Me, too," Buffy replied, her brain not being able to form a coherent thought as she struggled to remain standing.
"Can I have your number?" he asked, a tinge of shyness creeping into his otherwise tough-guy exterior.
"Do you have a pen?"
Before the question was even out of her mouth, Buffy smiled as Spike pulled a pen out of his pocket and offered it to her. She raised an eyebrow at him but remained quiet as she took his hand and wrote the digits on his palm.
"And what happens if it rubs off, pet?" Spike asked with a smile.
"I guess if you want to use it, you'll figure something out," Buffy replied with a playful smile as she gave him his pen back.
"I guess so," Spike said, leaning forward to let his lips graze her cheek. "I will, most definitely, be using it."
Buffy smiled as he walked back to the driver's side of his car, giving her a little wave before getting in. She could feel her heart swell at what this could turn into.
If only she had known what she was getting into.
Love/Hate
Buffy tossed her magazine onto the couch when she heard the knock on the door. She forced herself to stay expressionless when she opened the door to see Spike standing there, looking as cocky as ever. It had been four days since the 'anniversary dinner that wasn't', and Buffy was still letting her anger simmer under the surface, camouflaging how she hurt she really was.
"What do you want?" she asked, not bothering to open the door any wider.
This of course didn't phase Spike as he pushed it open, forcing Buffy to take a step back.
"Now, now, luv. Is that any way to treat your man?" he asked with a smirk as he kicked the door shut.
"My man," Buffy repeated with a harsh laugh as she turned and headed back to the couch.
"And just what does that mean, kitten?" he asked, following her.
"Nothing," Buffy mumbled as she picked up her magazine again and pretended to look through it.
"No," Spike said in a low tone as he pulled the magazine from her hands and tossed it away. "You obviously want to say something, so say it."
"You really want me to?" Buffy asked in a challenging tone. "Alright. It means that the man that I met isn't you."
"Oh, he's me, baby," Spike replied in a low voice. "You just didn't bother to see him until you were falling for me."
"Who said anything about falling for you?" Buffy asked angrily as she jumped up from her seat to stand in front of him.
"You can't help who you fall in love with, Buffy," Spike replied with a smirk that let her know he knew exactly how she felt for him.
"I hate you," Buffy said through clenched teeth.
Spike's smile only broadened at the declaration. "And I'm all you've got," he said, reaching out to pull her close.
Buffy let a small smile come over her features. "You think so, don't you?"
She watched as Spike's face seemed to harden. His jaw clenching, making his cheekbones stand out as his eyes narrowed to look at her. "What the bloody hell does that mean?" he asked in a menacing voice.
"What does it sound like?" Buffy replied, feeling the need to make him think twice for a change. "You're never here, Spike," she said in an innocent voice as she pulled away from him to offer an unapologetic shrug. "You can't expect me to go without, when you're obviously not doing the same."
Buffy swallowed her gasp when she felt her arm seized in his strong grip. She wasn't about to give him the satisfaction that he could intimidate her.
"You better be kidding, Buffy," Spike said, his eyes practically shooting sparks as he stared at her.
"Look at you," Buffy said, smiling in spite of the grip on her arm. "All jealous, just because I may have had some company over the past few months. I was hardly a virgin when we met, Spike."
"Close enough," Spike replied in a tone that allowed no argument. "And if I found out that any other bloke has touched you, I will personally break every bone in his body…among other things."
"You are such a hypocrite," Buffy said, pulling her arm out of the punishing grasp as she turned for her bedroom. "You go home to your little wifey every night but expect me to stay home alone?" Buffy turned around to face him before walking through the doorway. "You should really reevaluate these guidelines you have set for yourself because I don't plan to follow them."
Buffy gasped a moment later as she found herself falling to the bed. Flipping over, she saw Spike advancing on her like a predator. Letting her own smirk come over her features, she looked him up and down. "Well…I knew I'd get a rise out of you, but I didn't expect one of this variety," she said, letting her gaze linger on the tented fabric of his pants.
"Shut up," Spike growled as he covered her body with his own.
"Make me," Buffy replied, not backing down as Spike's hands moved to her skirt, pushing it up over her hips.
"Oh, I'll make you," he said, smashing his lips onto hers while simultaneously freeing himself from the confines of his jeans.
Buffy's mouth pulled away from his as she cried out, arching against him as Spike plunged into her. Once he was completely enveloped inside of her wet heat, Buffy gasped for air as he stared down at her. For a moment, just the briefest of seconds, Buffy thought she saw his true feelings for her. For a moment, the man that she'd met had come to the surface. But now he was gone.
She moaned, gripping his arms as he slammed his hips against hers. Her hands slid up his chest, loosening the buttons on his shirt before gripping his shoulders for leverage as she wrapped her legs around his waist, digging her nails into his flesh as he thrust into her. Buffy could feel her orgasm approaching and began to speed up her movements before crying out in frustration when his hands caught her hips and brought them to a halt.
"Spike…?"
"Tell me it's just me," he commanded.
Buffy's eyes narrowed as she looked at him. "Fuck you," she hissed as he pulled out slowly, only to sink right back into her.
"That's what I'm trying to do, baby," he said, tilting his head and smirking. "Now…tell me."
"No," Buffy said, clenching her teeth together but unable to stop the gasp that erupted from her as he rolled his hips against hers, effectively grinding himself into her most sensitive areas.
"I know you want to come, baby," he whispered huskily as he took long, sure strokes. "It would be so easy," he breathed into her ear.
Buffy moaned, trying her hardest to arch against him, but his hands held her firmly.
"Say it," he whispered, changing positions to angle himself upward, finding that elusive place inside of her with every stroke. "Say it," he repeated.
"You," Buffy whispered through his erratic breathing, choosing her needs over her pride. "Just you," she moaned, becoming mindless with her need for release…for him.
"Only me?"
"Yes," Buffy gasped as his thrusts sped up. She could feel herself unraveling as her body began to hum with pleasure.
Spike let go of her hips, smiling when she began writhing beneath him. Buffy screamed out her orgasm as she felt her body melt against his. Spike pushed into her a few more times before pulsing deep inside of her, shuddering with his own climax as he collapsed on top of her.
Both stayed still for several minutes, trying to catch their breath, before Spike rolled away and began straightening his clothes. Standing up, he zipped his jeans and buttoned his shirt before turning back to the bed.
Spike frowned when he looked at Buffy's back. She had never turned her back to him, in all the times that he had to get up to leave, and he felt his heart sink at the implications of her simple gesture of rolling away from him. She accepted it. For the first time since this crazy relationship started, she accepted the fact that he would be leaving again. Spike sighed as he moved back to the bed, spooning himself against her and gently kissing her neck and shoulder.
Buffy stiffened slightly at the unnatural feel of the tenderness that Spike was showing her. She let herself relax slightly when she felt his lips affectionately brushing over her skin. Buffy felt the tears shimmering in her eyes finally spill over at the gesture. She could handle a lot of things from Spike, but this hurt too much.
"I can stay a little longer, pet," he whispered against her neck.
Buffy closed her eyes against the flow of tears. "Go home, Spike," she said in a choked whisper, swallowing the sobs that threatened to escape.
"Buffy-"
"Go home," she repeated sadly. "I'll be here when you come back."
Spike slowly got up from the bed before gently running a hand through her hair. "I know," he whispered.
Note: Okay, you remember at the beginning of the story, when I warned you that Spike could be a jerk? If you're reading this chapter, keep that in mind. After this chapter the darkness (as far as our couple is concerned) is toned down. The story itself is still dark, but the Spuffiness will get more loving (at least, in what I have written so far). Just remember…you have been warned.
Crime & Punishment
Buffy jogged along the beach the next day, letting her anger at Spike disguise the anguish she still felt. She knew she shouldn't be angry with him- he did offer some rare tenderness after their time together- but it was easier to be mad at him than think about their complicated relationship.
Buffy sped up her pace as her building came into view, putting on a burst of speed for the final half mile.
The next thing she knew, Buffy was sprawled along the white sand, coughing the gritty substance out of her lungs.
"I'm so sorry!"
Buffy turned to see an apologetic man kneeling next to her before carefully helping her to her feet. "It's my fault," Buffy replied, brushing the sand off her body. "I wasn't watching where I was going."
"Me neither," he said, gesturing to the Frisbee he was holding and a man standing further down the beach. "I'd love to make it up to you."
Buffy smiled, already shaking her head. "Thanks, but that's really not necessary."
"At least let me take you to dinner tonight," he requested with a friendly smile and soft eyes.
It had been so long since Buffy felt wanted for anything other than sex, and she found herself getting mad at Spike all over again. "I'm Buffy Summers," she introduced herself, holding out her hand.
"Angel O'Brien," the man said, shaking her hand. "Now, what do you say about dinner?"
"I say…what time?" she asked with a smile.
Buffy dressed in a royal blue silk gown later that night. The sweetheart neckline showed off an impressive amount of cleavage. She brushed out her long blond hair while looking in the antique mirror before her gaze slowly drifted to a framed picture of herself with Spike.
Buffy hated the stab of guilt that seemed to course through her body.
"It's not like I'm going to sleep with the guy," she mumbled as she slipped on her shoes. "He thinks it doesn't hurt whenever he leaves. Spike thinks he owns me? He's got another thing coming," she said with more conviction than she felt. With one last look in the mirror, Buffy walked out of the bedroom as the doorbell rang.
"Hi," Buffy said with a bright smile as Angel stood on the other side in a tux, holding a single pink rose.
"Hi," he said, offering her the flower.
"Thank you," she whispered as she inhaled the sweet fragrance. "It's beautiful."
"So are you," Angel said with a smile as he offered her his arm. "Are you ready?"
"Yes," Buffy said with a smile.
Buffy walked into Gardinier's on the arm of her very handsome date. The restaurant was the newest 'It' place to be in town, and Buffy was impressed that Angel was able to get reservations on such short notice.
Angel offered her a smile as they were led to a secluded table in the back. Once the wine was ordered, Angel turned his attention back to his date.
"So, Buffy, what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a kindergarten teacher."
"Really? Pretty snazzy apartment for a teacher."
"Oh…um…I'm leasing it from a friend of mine," she replied, although it sounded more like a question.
"Nice friend," Angel said as their wine was offered for inspection.
They sat in silence for a few moments before Buffy spoke. "What do you do?"
"I'm a lawyer," he replied. "I'm at a Los Angeles branch of Wolfram and Hart."
"What are you doing in Sunnydale?"
"Taking a little time off. Wanted to get out of the city, and this is a nice area to visit," he said, taking a sip of wine.
Buffy was about to reply when she looked up and caught the very angry blue eyes of her lover. She held his gaze for a moment as he sat down a few tables away. Buffy risked a look at the woman at his table and saw the striking beauty.
Buffy knew very little about Drusilla Rayne-Atherton. She chose not to know anything, never even trying to catch a glimpse of her…at least not before tonight. And even now, it wasn't by choice. Buffy was too insecure with herself as it was without seeing the woman that she was sure she was being compared to.
With a shaky sigh, Buffy tore her eyes away from the couple, feeling herself begin to tremble when she felt his eyes remaining on her.
"Are you okay?" Angel asked in concern.
"I'm fine," Buffy said with a smile that was more reassuring than she felt. It was enough to appease her date as the waiter came, taking their order.
Buffy looked back at the table and saw Spike clenching his jaw so tightly she thought it might break. His eyes were no longer on her, though. Now they were sizing up Angel.
"Where do you teach?" Angel asked with interest.
"A small public school a few miles away."
"Why not private?"
Buffy shrugged. "It really depends on the school, but in my experience, the children are more open in a public school's environment. It was just a personal decision."
"Well, I'm sure those kids are lucky to have you for a teacher," Angel said with a flirty smile.
Buffy returned the smile, though her eyes were now downcast as she fidgeted with her napkin.
"Would you care to dance?" he asked, tilting his head slightly in a way that reminded her of the man sitting just three tables away.
"Um…I'd love to," Buffy replied, trying to control her breathing.
She ignored the looks that Spike was sending her way as Angel led her out to the marble dance floor, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close as they began to glide around the floor.
Buffy tried to relax but found it nearly impossible. 'Get it together, Summers,' she said to herself. 'He's on a date with his wife- there's no reason you shouldn't be here. He doesn't own me.'
Although, the looks he was sending her way would prove otherwise. Buffy was getting very close to asking Angel to take her home, but that would mean withdrawing from this inner battle, and she was definitely not backing down.
"Our food's there," Buffy murmured a few minutes later, glad for the reason to get off the dance floor.
Angel stepped back and placed his hand on the small of her back as they walked. Buffy, once again, avoided Spike's eyes as she walked past. 'God, doesn't his wife notice that he hasn't looked at her since they sat down,' she thought to herself. 'Silly Buffy, this is the same woman who hasn't noticed her husband is having an affair and paying for a luxury apartment for his mistress.'
Twenty minutes later, the food was nearly gone, and Buffy couldn't take the scrutiny anymore. "Excuse me," she said, giving Angel a smile as she got up from the table. The smile turned genuine when he stood up to excuse her. It was in that moment that she realized she hadn't had a date, a real date, since before Spike. Unless the trip to Baskin Robbins with his cousin's daughter in tow, counted as a date.
Buffy walked into the empty ladies room, her heels clicking on the white tile as she walked to the countertop, bracing her hands against it, and avoided looking into the long mirror that took up an entire wall, not wanting to see what kind of state she was in.
She looked up when she heard the creaking of the door hinges and spun around when she saw Spike standing behind her. She didn't know what was scaring her the most: whether it was the fact that he had daringly left his wife or the fact that he wasn't saying anything as he turned the lock on the door.
"Spike," she whispered softly as he stalked toward her. She gasped when he grabbed her, pivoting on his heel and pressing her against the nearby wall with his body.
"Don't say a damned thing," he growled before his lips crashed down on hers.
Buffy gasped when she felt herself being lifted up as her dress was swept aside, the sound of her thong ripping, echoing through the large bathroom.
"Spike, what are you-"
Buffy gasped when she felt him plunge into her. She'd never heard the zipper, but she was definitely feeling the affects as her pelvis thrust forward to meet his.
"What did you think you were going to prove, Buffy?" he asked angrily as he pumped into her.
Buffy didn't respond- she simply whimpered in need as he hoisted her higher against the wall, relentlessly pushing into her.
"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" he continued, slightly out of breath. "Or maybe you wanted me to…is that it?"
"Spike," she whispered, moaning as she grinded her hips against his.
"Shut up," he said through clenched teeth as his lips crushed against hers again. Buffy moaned as his hand snaked in between them, gently brushing over her sensitive clit before giving it a sharp twist.
Buffy felt her body shatter, tightening her legs around his body and bucking against him as Spike swallowed her scream with his lips, before fulfilling his own need and spilling himself in her hot depths.
Not giving either of them a chance to enjoy the aftereffects, Spike pulled away, practically dropping Buffy as he straightened his clothes.
"Go home, Buffy," he said in a menacing tone as Buffy quickly came back to earth and glared at him. "Tell Captain Forehead out there that your date is over and to take you home."
Buffy felt anger fill her, at the command. Smoothing her hair and her clothes, she gave Spike a hard look as she backed toward the door. "Oh, he'll take me alright," she said, shooting daggers at Spike with her eyes. "But not in the way you think. I'm not yours, Spike."
Buffy gasped as she found herself pinned between the door and an infuriated blonde. "Do I even need to dignify that with a response? Because I thought we just covered that, sweetheart. Considering you just fucked me in the bathroom of a very nice restaurant, I consider you very much MINE."
Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared at him. "Yeah," she said quietly. "That's all it ever is, isn't it, Spike? All you've ever done is fuck me."
Without another word, Buffy roughly pushed him away and walked out.
Note: I know a lot of you think Buffy is really weak and I agree- to an extent. It will change (slightly). I didn't want to duplicate Buffy from the show, I wanted to show the girl part of her and not the Slayer part. There's a little more insight into their past and more from Spike's point of view in this chapter, so hopefully most of you will begin to understand why the relationship is the way it is. Spike being mean is over…well…mean to Buffy, anyway- he is still Spike after all :-) I hope you stick with this story!
Confessions - 5 Months Ago
Buffy clasped Spike's hand in hers as they walked along the beach. They had spent the evening making love for the first time, and Buffy was desperately trying to tell him her feelings for him, but something was always holding her back. She had seen Spike a few nights a week since he had taken her out for ice cream, and she was already in love with him.
The sunset faded below the horizon as Buffy turned to Spike with a soft smile on her face. "I need to tell you something," she murmured.
Spike let out a breath he was holding as he looked into her beautiful green eyes. "Me too," he said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Okay," Buffy said with a smile. "You first."
Spike took a deep breath, deciding that telling her straight out would be better than dancing around the subject. "Buffy…I'm married."
Buffy felt the air leave her lungs as her eyes widened. She stared at him for several long moments before slowly shaking her head back and forth. "No," she said, almost to herself. "No, this can't be happening."
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you earlier, it's just…I need you so much," he whispered, trying to pull her closer to him.
Buffy pulled back, holding a hand up to keep him away as she looked out at the ocean, wanting to catch her breath.
"Buffy-"
"Don't," she said, whipping her head around to face him. "You're married, Spike! There's nothing you can say to justify that or to justify what we just…"
Buffy broke off as she turned away, wrapping her arms around her body and letting the tears spill down her cheeks. She was in love with him. She was in love with this man, and he was married the whole time. And she knew she couldn't end it.
Buffy jumped slightly when Spike's arms wrapped around her. She tried to pull away, but he just held her tighter, letting his lips drop to her shoulder and leaving a soft kiss in their wake.
"Do you love her?" Buffy asked quietly. Spike didn't answer, which was answer enough for her. She didn't have the heart to ask the same question about herself. "What happens next?"
"I don't know," Spike whispered. "I've never done this before…I just don't know."
Present Day
After saying goodnight to Angel and leaving him with a chaste kiss on the cheek, Buffy left her dress pooled in the middle of her bedroom floor as she changed into jeans and a black spaghetti-strap tank top.
Grabbing a glass and a bottle of wine from the wine rack in the kitchen, Buffy walked through the French doors, to the balcony while pouring herself a glass. With a heavy sigh, she set the bottle down on the small table and went to lean against the railing as she watched the waves crashing to the shore.
Five minutes had gone by before Buffy felt his presence.
"What kept you?" she asked, not bothering to turn around as she took a sip from her glass.
"Traffic," Spike replied, doing what he could to lighten the mood.
Buffy stared straight ahead, not bothering to give him the satisfaction of turning around. "Go home, Spike," she said softly.
"No," he replied quietly.
"Well, you're not going to screw me," Buffy informed him bluntly. "I've met my quota for the day. You can come back and degrade me tomorrow."
"That's not why…that's really what you think?" When Buffy didn't answer, he took a step closer to her. "Look at me, Buffy."
Buffy turned her head slightly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye.
"Do you really think that?"
"Lately…yeah," she said quietly.
"Buffy, I never meant to-"
"Save me the speech," Buffy interrupted, before turning her attention back to the ocean as she took a deep breath. "I don't need the winning sales pitch. You don't have to win me over, Spike…I'm here."
"Then why did you go out with him?"
"Because he asked me," Buffy replied, feeling herself getting choked up. "Because I…because, for once, I felt like a real person."
"And I don't make you feel that way?" he asked, coming up beside her and propping his arms on the railing.
Buffy was mildly surprised that he wasn't behind her, pinning her in, but she was grateful that he seemed to be giving her some space.
"What do you think?"
"Buffy, I know I've been acting like a bastard lately-"
"Don't bother explaining," Buffy murmured, looking down at the glass in her hands. "I already know why."
"You do?"
Buffy stayed quiet for a long moment, not bothering to answer his question.
"When we met I…I thought you were the one that I could be with forever," Buffy said softly. "I was stupid and naïve…I know that now. I've grown up a lot the past few months. Things don't always go like you plan," Buffy finished with a shrug.
"So…you don't think you could be with me forever?" Spike asked with a note of panic in his voice.
"I think," Buffy paused with a sigh, trying to fight back the tears. "I think I'm in love with you, and I'm not going anywhere," she said, trying to take deep breaths and settle the knot that was in her stomach.
Spike slowly turned her around, the pain that she was feeling mirrored in his eyes. "You love me," he said softly as if he didn't believe it.
"Look, Spike, don't make a big deal out of this," Buffy said, pulling away from him as she set her glass on the table before walking back into the living room. "I know I'm not first in your life. I know I'm probably not even second, but I'm in it." Spike stared at her back as she continued. "In some form…I'm close to the man I love…and that's enough, even if I'm playing the role of mistress."
She felt Spike's arms go around her waist and pull her close to him as he nuzzled her neck. Buffy bit her lip, trying to keep the tears at bay, as he gently kissed her neck, slowly trailing up her throat, and feeling her tense.
"Relax, baby," he whispered. "This is all I want. Nothing else, okay? I just want to be with you."
Buffy let her tears fall as she nodded, turning around to bury her head in his strong chest. For the first time, it felt like he was there for her, not because of what she could give him, but because of what he could give her.
Spike walked into his house later that night with a heavy heart. He stood in the foyer for a few minutes as he took in the appearance of the large mansion. It was so cold. Marble and tile and granite were everywhere. There wasn't a hint of warmth…not like there was in the apartment. It was as if no one even lived here.
"Aaah, Mr. Atherton, so nice to see you home, sir."
Spike turned at the familiar voice of his butler Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. "Thanks, Wes. Where's Dru?"
"I believe Mrs. Atherton is out by the pool, sir."
Spike nodded his thanks as he walked toward the back of the house. He stared out the door for several long minutes at his wife.
"Wife," he murmured. It sounded so strange to him, as if it didn't fit. Which, Spike knew, it didn't. If it did, he wouldn't be dreaming about Buffy all the time. He wouldn't be wishing for his golden goddess whenever he went to sleep next to his frigid wife every night.
'Why am I still with Drusilla?' Spike asked himself.
"Till death do us part," Spike muttered in response. 'And I've been treating Buffy like shit because of those vows.'
Spike knew it wasn't fair to Buffy. After all, he hadn't been acting like the man she met…like the man he really was, and he knew that. It was infuriating to him that he met the woman of his dreams after he was already married. 'And you just keep taking it out on her, you ponce,' he thought to himself. 'She was hurting tonight because of you. Because you keep treating her like property and she's not…you're beneath her. You don't deserve her.'
But he had to have her. That's what it all came down to. He loved Drusilla, he wouldn't be with her if he didn't. However, it was a different kind of love than what he first felt for her. When he was with Buffy, he felt a completion that was unlike anything he'd every experienced…and it terrified him. It broke his heart to leave Buffy and at the same time, it broke his heart to stay and get a brief glimpse of what he could have had. A life that he could see through a window, that he would never be able to truly experience. So, the more he resented himself, the more he'd made his life with her more unbearable. Anger was easier to understand, than love and Spike certainly had enough anger.
Pushing the door open, Spike took a deep breath before walking out on the deck. "Dru," he said, nodding toward her in greeting.
"My Spike, you're home," Drusilla replied, getting up from her lounge chair and walking over to him. "I'm so glad. I think we need to discuss something."
Spike looked at her quizzically as she took his hand and led him over to the glass-top table and chairs.
"Spike, we've been married for a long time."
Spike stared at her in confusion before responding with the obvious statement. "Seven years."
"I think it's time we had a baby."
Needing
Buffy unlocked the door of her apartment the next day and began coughing at the cloud of smoke that engulfed her. Walking in, she frowned when she saw Spike chain-smoking as he paced the length of the living room.
"Spike, what are you doing?" she asked, deciding not to give him a lecture about no smoking in the apartment, since he seemed more stressed than usual. Buffy walked over and began opening the French doors, hoping to let the cloud filter out so she could breathe again as she waited for him to say something.
Buffy jumped when she found herself grabbed from behind and pulled into strong arms. She would have giggled if she wasn't so worried about him as he carried her over to the couch and dropped down onto it, depositing her on his lap.
"Spike-"
"I needed to see you, Buffy," he whispered, nuzzling her neck in desperation. "Where've you been?"
"I can't even go out anymore?" she asked, immediately switching to defensive mode as she tried to pull away from him.
"I didn't mean…I just need you right now, Buffy," he replied, holding her firmly against him.
"Spike, I-"
"Not like that," he whispered, needing to clarify and make her understand. "I just need to be close to you."
"Spike…you're scaring me," Buffy said softly as she turned around in his lap, watching as his hands slowly came up to cup her face, staring into her eyes with an intensity that she never saw.
"I'm sorry, luv," he said, bringing his lips to hers in a brief, tender kiss before wrapping his arms around her waist and cuddling closer to her.
"What's going on?"
Spike took a deep breath before speaking. "Dru wants to have a baby."
He immediately felt Buffy's body go rigid in his arms. That was the last thing she had expected to hear. Spike had always told her that Drusilla never wanted children. She found them too 'involving.'
"Oh," she whispered softly, always fearing that this day would inevitably come, in spite of what he had told her. "So…I guess this means that we're…"
Buffy trailed off, not even letting herself finish that sentence. She didn't know why she felt the need to hold on to this man. He obviously didn't love her, but the idea of losing him was terrifying…and Buffy hated herself for that weakness.
She wasn't scared of being alone, she was scared of being without him.
"We're staying the way we are, pet," Spike said in a more forceful voice than he intended as he pulled back to look at her again.
"But Spike…"
"No buts, Buffy. I'm not ready to let you go."
"But when you are ready…you'll cut me loose," she murmured.
Spike pulled her down for another passionate kiss, trying to settle her fears as his lips slid across hers, before leaning back. "Have I ever told you that, luv?"
"You didn't need to," she replied softly, still slightly thrown by this new Spike. The man that she had finally allowed herself to fall in love with, who was actually acting like the man she had first met.
Spike pushed into Buffy slowly, letting his lips trail along her jaw, lightly licking the sensitive area behind her ear as she moaned. They moved together with ease, neither wanting to rush as they made love.
Spike brought her to the edge with long, sure thrusts, making sure she could feel everything he was feeling. Buffy's muscles contracted around him, as she arched her back gasping with each thrust. No words were spoken as she breathed heavily, slowly coming down as they looked into each other's eyes, conveying all of their emotions. Spike swept the hair out of Buffy's eyes, leaning forward to brush his lips against hers, as she clung to him.
Spike could feel his own climax approaching as he sped up his thrusts. Buffy felt the familiar tightening in her stomach as a second, more powerful, orgasm overtook her. Spike couldn't last any longer as he found his release, his muscles tensed, pulsing deep inside of her, before collapsing on the mattress, pulling Buffy with him as he rolled over.
Tears fell from Buffy's eyes as their lips met in another passionate kiss.
"Don't cry, luv," he whispered in concern as he pulled back, wiping her tears away. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Buffy replied with a soft smile, shaking her head. "I love you."
Spike gently smiled, as he played with her hair. "I know."
Buffy lay with her lover, her head on his chest as she snuggled closer to him. His hands traced over her bare arms and back, sending shivers running through her body. She was surprised that he wasn't more forceful with her this time, considering the stress he was obviously under. Buffy had expected one of their rougher sessions, instead of being treated to the side of him who she rarely saw, telling her that he just 'needed her' tonight. It was Buffy who led him to the bedroom, knowing that both of them needed more than simple affection tonight. He had turned into the man who made her feel loved, never mind the fact that he didn't love her. He was back to being the man she'd made love to that first night.
"Can I stay the night?" he whispered, quietly, his hands never stopping their movements along her skin.
Buffy looked up at him in surprise. "What about-"
"Dru?" he supplied. "I don't know," he continued in a subdued voice. "All I know is, I don't want to leave you. I need to stay with you tonight. I need to have you in my arms."
Buffy nodded acceptance and understanding as Spike pulled her closer, leaving a soft kiss on her lips before closing his eyes. Buffy smiled as she watched him drift off to sleep. He looked so young, so innocent in moments like this. She rarely saw this relaxed side of him, and she treasured all of the moments that she got. She found herself wishing, for the millionth time, that he could be hers. Wishing that the two of them could have this closeness and be together every night. She knew it was useless, but she had to allow the dream.
Decisions
A very stressful month went by for Buffy. Since the night that Spike had decided to stay, there hadn't been any mention of Drusilla's desire to start a family. Buffy wasn't sure if that was good news or bad news.
Things had, basically, returned to normal, and Buffy was too nervous to rock the boat and bring up the subject again. Her mind felt clouded as she picked at her salad while Willow rambled on about something.
"So what do you think, Buffy?"
"Hmmm, what?" Buffy asked, her eyes snapping up to her friend.
"That's what I thought," Willow said, putting her fork down and leaning across the small café table. "Buffy, I've barely seen or heard from you in over a month. What's going on?"
Buffy stabbed at a few carrots before responding. "I don't know what to do," she said softly.
"What to do…about what?"
"About Spike," she said softly.
"Is everything okay with you two?" Willow asked in concern.
"It's better," Buffy replied, offering a halfhearted smile as she looked up. "He's trying…he really is."
"Then what's the problem?"
"Drusilla wants to have a baby," Buffy murmured, almost to herself.
"Oh wow," Willow breathed out as she sat back in her chair. "What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean, what am I going to do? When a married couple thinks they should start a family, the mistress doesn't really get a lot of say in the matter."
"You're more than that to Spike, you know that."
"Am I?" Buffy asked, not believing a word. "He's never said he'll leave her for me. He's never even told me he loves me."
"Give him time, Buff. You've only been together…"
"Seven months," Buffy replied. "We've been together seven months, and he's no closer to saying it today than he was when he first met me. Don't worry, Wills…I don't even think I want to hear him say it."
"Does he know how you feel?"
"Yeah," Buffy said softly, looking down to hide the tears shimmering in her eyes. "I told him."
Buffy tried to brighten her mood when she walked into her apartment and saw Spike standing on the balcony, looking at the ocean.
"Hey," she said softly as she walked out to join him, wrapping her arms around his lean waist and propping her chin up on his shoulder. "You're earlier than I expected," she murmured, leaving a soft kiss on his back.
Spike relaxed as his hands came up to gently rub her arms. "I haven't seen you much this week," he said softly, enjoying the soothing effects of the ocean waves and his lover's embrace. "Did you have plans?" he asked, trying to keep his tone neutral to let her know he wasn't checking up on her.
"Lunch with Willow," Buffy replied, slowly walking around him and trailing her hands along the rigid muscles of his abs until she was standing in front of him with her arms wrapped around his back.
Spike's hands immediately went to her bare arms as he softly moved them over her exposed skin. "I've missed you, baby," he whispered huskily. "I'm sorry I haven't been around as often."
"Yeah," Buffy said, bringing him closer for a hug. "Me, too."
"Did you and Willow have a good lunch?" he asked before leaving a soft kiss on her forehead.
"It was good," Buffy replied with a nod. "It was good seeing her again. I felt like I was neglecting her."
"Yeah."
Buffy could see that Spike's mind was elsewhere as he stared into her eyes. "Spike, I haven't felt neglected," Buffy said with a smile. "I stay busy when you're not here, and when school starts in a few weeks, I'll be even busier, so don't worry about anything, okay?"
Buffy felt herself wrapped in a strong embrace as Spike buried his face in her hair. "If you say so."
"Spike, is something wrong?"
"No," he replied, leaning back to shake his head. "Nothing's wrong…I've just missed you."
"We can always do something to remedy that," Buffy said with a smile as her fingers hooked into his belt, dragging him toward the bedroom.
Spike didn't object as Buffy slowly began to remove her clothes before walking over and divesting him of his as well.
"So, you missed me?" Buffy asked in between the kisses that Spike was lavishing on her lips and neck.
"So much," Spike whispered hungrily as he picked her up and quickly walked over to the bed. "So bloody much," he repeated as he slowly kissed his way down her body before latching on to a nipple.
Buffy arched off the bed as his wonderful tongue worked magic on her body. Flipping them over, Buffy straddled Spike's waist as he looked up at her with a curious expression.
"I thought you liked when I do that, pet," he said with a smirk.
"Oh, I do," Buffy replied with a smile of her own as she positioned him at her entrance before sinking down onto his hardened length. "But I like when you do this even more," she finished with a breathless whisper as her body curled forward to meet his, giving him a passionate kiss.
Spike tenderly ran his hands over her exposed flesh, trying to touch as much of her as he could and still feeling like he needed to be closer to her.
Buffy moaned as she slowly rocked against him, loving the feel of his hands on her body as she moved.
Spike felt his breathing quicken as Buffy sat up, giving him a spectacular view of her taut body as she writhed on top of him. Watching her for a few moments, Spike quickly sat up to wrap his arms around her, letting his lips trail from her neck to her shoulder.
"I missed you, baby," he whispered against her skin as they both panted for air. "I've missed you, so much."
"I'm here," Buffy said, trying to reach her peak as she moved.
"You're mine," he whispered.
Buffy paused for the briefest of seconds before swiveling her hips in a circle, causing both of them to gasp at the sensations that coursed through them.
Feeling the tightening in her stomach, Buffy gasped when she found herself flipping over before Spike met her lips in a searing kiss. Buffy frantically clutched at his back, as he moved in and out of her, bringing her closer to the edge with every thrust.
Tearing her lips away from his, Buffy let out a scream as stars seemed to burst in front of her eyes, sending her entire body shaking. Spike panted as her inner muscles clenched around him, sending him over the edge faster than he expected as he squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
Both were quiet for several minutes, each enjoying the feel of the other person, before Spike slowly pulled away to leave a soft kiss on her lips.
Buffy was surprised when she felt him pull out of her, only to roll onto his back, bringing her with him.
"What's going on?" she asked, a slight smile on her face as she looked into his cloudy blue eyes.
"I just wanted to stay with you," Spike replied, pushing the hair out of her eyes. "Is that okay?"
"What do you think?" Buffy replied, laying her head on his shoulder as her fingertips traced patterns over his chest.
After a long time of just laying together, Buffy took a deep breath, deciding to mention the unmentionable.
"Spike," she said softly, her lazy hand movements never stopping as she bit her lip. "What you and I talked about a few weeks ago…did you two ever decide anything?" she asked timidly.
Spike immediately tensed, knowing exactly what she meant but not wanting to answer. "Yes…we did."
Buffy waited for him to elaborate but soon realized he wasn't going to.
Buffy tried to fight herself from shutting down, from letting him know that anything was wrong. She was the one who had asked, and she'd gotten her answer. She knew what was supposed to come next.
Note: Starting next chapter, you'll (start to) see the side of Buffy that you've been waiting for. Not to the extent that some of you want, but it takes time. Thanks for reading and please review!