"It Matters To Me"

Author: Ashlee
Contact: ashlee_999@hotmail.com

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Prologue

"Giles, I'm pregnant."

The words were out of Buffy's mouth before she had a chance to think about them, leaving a stunned Rupert Giles in their wake.  Slowly, he removed his glasses and began vigorously rubbing the lenses.  "Buffy…I'm afraid I have to ask this…"

"Yes…it's his, Giles."

"Does he know?"

"No.  And he's not going to-"

"Buffy, it's his child, too.  He has a right to know about it."

"I'll tell him, just not now.  Right now, this baby is in my body.  He doesn't need to worry about it. I just thought I should tell you you're going to be a grandpa."

"I appreciate that sentiment, but don't you think he's going to figure it out when you start showing?"

"That's another reason that I'm here.  I'm quitting."

"Buffy, you've been working at the Magic Box for the past two years.  You have a baby on the way- I can't let you quit."

"I have another job lined up, Giles.  I just…I just can't work here with him coming in all the time.  He doesn't love me the way that he used to, and it's just too hard."

"Buffy, I've been arranging that you don't work the same shifts.  I know it's hard facing him sometimes, but-"

"Giles, he has a new life now.  He doesn't need me in it."

"Buffy, that's not true, and you know it.  He obviously still cares about you-"

Buffy sighed. "To some extent, yes, I know.  I also know that he never even looks at me anymore.  He has a new job that and I know he's still going to work nights for a while, so the best thing is a clean break.  I just need to get away from here, and that has nothing to do with you.  I love this job, but I can't be here anymore."

Buffy got up to leave.  As she got to the door of the office, she could hear Giles' quietly uttered question.  "Do you still love him?"

Buffy turned to face him with tears in her eyes. "I never stopped."

---

2 Years Ago

Buffy Summers dusted shelves in the Magic Box her first day on the job.  Her mother had been lecturing her for the past six months that a senior in high school should learn a little responsibility.  Buffy was now in her final semester and had gotten the job in Mr. Giles' store because her mom announced she was cutting off her allowance.  Buffy was none too thrilled, but she realized it could be worse.  It was just a few hours after school and a shift on Saturdays.  There were most definitely worse things.

She finished dusting her section of shelves in the upper level of the store when she heard the bell above the door chime.  Looking over the railing, she saw William 'Spike' Giles walk in.  Spike was a few years older than Buffy.  He had been a senior at Sunnydale when Buffy transferred from Los Angeles more than halfway through her sophomore year.

Spike was a notorious womanizer, but much to Buffy's frustration, had never given her the time of day, leading to resentment on her part.  Buffy realized that was probably a good thing- she really wasn't into the love 'em and leave 'em type.  There was just something about Spike that seemed to draw her in.  She never seemed to be able to talk to him whenever he was in close proximity.

'But that was almost two years ago,' Buffy thought.  'Maybe you've grown a backbone since then, Summers.'  She felt the blush rise in her cheeks as Spike glanced up to her and then continued talking to his father.  'Maybe not.  Besides, he's a first class snob who has never even smiled at you.  Don't fall for him now.'

Buffy sighed and descended to the lower level, which was no easy task since she had chosen to wear a short gray skirt and tank top today.  Reaching the floor, Buffy turned and made her way to the back of the store to help her friend Willow with inventory.  Willow was the one to give Buffy a good recommendation to Mr. Giles and get her the job there.  Buffy was grateful that she wouldn't have to be flipping raw meat on a grill to earn a few bucks an hour.

Stepping around the crates, Buffy saw the perky redhead sitting on the floor, surrounded by papers and forms.

"Hey, Wills!  Whatcha doin'?"

"Hi, Buff.  I'm trying to sort out these documents.  The shipping company sent us double the order of eye of newt and completely left out the crystal balls."  Buffy raised an eyebrow at her friend as Willow continued, "I know, I know.  Crystal balls aren't exactly the type of thing that we do, but they do sell to a lot of beginners.  Anyway, how's your first day going?"

"So far, so good.  Nothing strenuous or gross, just a little sweeping and dusting.  Giles said he'd show me how to work the cash register tomorrow."

"That's great, Buffy.  It's really easy, too.  So no exciting customers out there?"

"Not really," Buffy said, sitting down on a nearby crate.  "Giles' son is out there.  Didn't look at me twice, though.  What else is new," she mumbled.

Willow frowned at the sad note in her friend's voice. "Buffy, don't act like that.  You're a completely different person than you were two years ago.  I mean, he probably didn't even recognize you, what with the blonde hair and the tighter clothes."

"Thanks, Will, way to perk me right up," Buffy said with a half-smile.

"You know what I mean.  It's just you look so different these days, and hey, you're eighteen now.  At least it's not jail bait anymore."

Buffy laughed along with her friend.  "Yeah, I guess.  Besides, he hasn't changed at all, and I bet he's still the same 'use them and lose them' kind of guy.  I don't need to be with someone like that…right?"

"Absolutely," Willow agreed with a firm nod.

"But he's just so cute!" Buffy cried as she put her head in her hands in exasperation.  "And infuriating," she mumbled into her hands.

Willow smiled. "You'll find a great guy, Buff."

"Easy for you to say," she said, raising her head to look at her friend.  "You found Oz.  I think he's the pick of the litter."

"That he is, but he's so not your type, Buffy."

"Yeah, I know.  I'm just getting all mopey.  I mean, look at me, I'm eighteen years old, and I've never even had a serious boyfriend."

"There's always Xander," Willow offered helpfully.

Buffy gave her a look. "Wills, you know Xand is a friend, and that's all.  There's just nothing there between us."

"How do you know if you've never even tried?  He's dropping by after work today- maybe you should see if he wants to go to a movie or something."

" Willow , you're not trying to play matchmaker, are you?" Buffy asked with an accusing stare.

"Me?" she asked with faux innocence.  "Of course not."

Buffy let her eyes trail over the room as she thought of what Willow had said.  Slowly, her eyes fell back to Willow as she shrugged. "What the heck, it's not like I have to marry him.  I guess I never have given Xand a fair chance."

"That's great, since you did shoot him down for the Spring Fling."

"That was almost two years ago. I can't believe you're still using that against me!"

"Sorry, it's just that he was so heartbroken."

"Okay, maybe I won't ask him out.  I don't want him to think I'm leading him on or something."

"Buffy, just do it.  Go as friends and see if it leads anywhere."

"But Willow- "

"Resolve face," Willow said, pointing to her stern look.

"Okay, I guess I can do that.  It's better than sitting around, feeling sorry for myself."

"Yay!  Now, he'll be here any minute.  Go out there and ask him when he gets here," Willow said, gesturing toward the door.

Buffy sighed and nodded.  'Well, at least I can have fun with my friend tonight.  And while I'm waiting, no one ever said I couldn't admire the hottie talking to his dad,' Buffy thought with a smile as she walked out of the room.  'Even if he is a first-class jerk.'

---

Reality Check

Buffy walked out of the back room and glanced around the visible area of the store.  Spike was nowhere to be seen.  Hearing a noise closer to the front of the store, Buffy made her way over to it.  Walking past the shelves to her right, she saw Giles handing some of the heavier objects to Spike, who was balancing on a ladder next to the door, displaying them on some of the higher shelves.

"Ah, Buffy," Giles said with a smile.  "You're settling in well, I hope."

"Yes, I am.  And thanks again, Giles, for letting me work here."

"It's not a problem, Buffy.  Oh, by the way, have you met my son, William?" he asked, gesturing to the bleach-blonde on the ladder.

Before Buffy could respond, she heard a growl as Spike heaved the last object onto the top shelf.  "It's Spike!" he said as he jumped to the floor and gave Buffy a look.  "Don't I know you?"

"We went to school together," she said.

Spike narrowed his eyes and tilted his head at her. "You're younger.  I guess that's why I don't remember you."

Buffy felt resentment course through her at his callous words.  She watched as Giles made his way to the back of the store before responding.  "Yeah, I was a sophomore when you were a senior.  Transferred in with only a few months left," she said, feeling her courage come back to her.  "Honestly, I didn't really expect you to remember me, considering you were too busy trying to sleep with half the senior girls."

Spike continued to watch her in slight admiration as she stared back into his sapphire eyes.  Buffy saw the beginning of a smirk on his face before the door opened behind him.  Buffy gave Xander a bright smile as he came in the store.  "Hi, Xand!" she said happily as she went to stand next to him.  She hid a smile as Spike glared at her friend before remembering Willow's advice.  "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to catch a movie tonight?"

"Sure thing, Buffster.  Is Willow going?"

"Nope, just you and me."

Buffy had to restrain herself from jumping up and down at the look of jealousy on Spike's face.  'You don't want him, Buffy,' that little inner voice said to her.  'But it is nice to be noticed for a change.'

"Sounds great, Buff.  What time do you get off?"

"Actually, Buffy, you can go ahead and take off for the day," Giles called out.

"Thanks, Giles!" Buffy said brightly.  "Just let me grab my jacket, and we can be off, okay?"

"Okay, I'll be here."

Buffy made her way to the back of the room, hearing the clanging of the ladder being taken down as she went.  Clocking out in the office, Buffy grabbed her coat off the hook just as Spike walked in, blocking the door.  Buffy tried to make her way around him, but he stayed where he was, leaning casually with his arms crossed over his chest.  "Excuse me," Buffy said with as much courtesy as she could muster.  When all Spike did was raise an eyebrow at her and smirk, Buffy crossed her own arms over her chest.  "Don't you have a ladder to put away or something?"

Spike smiled. "It's fine where it is, luv."

"And where's that?  Outside the door?"

"As a matter of fact-"

"That's great. Now, if you'll let me get by, I have a date."

Spike's smile fell as he stared at the girl in front of him.  "What, with the whelp out there?  Yeah, you'll have a grand ole time with him, pet."

"I didn't ask you," she replied casually.

"So, if you're going on a date with him, where does that leave us?"

"There's an us?" Buffy asked, seemingly shocked.  "You didn't even know my name until five minutes ago, and now there's an us?"

Spike smirked again. "Not yet, but I was kind of hoping we'd see where the evening takes us."

Buffy was thrilled at his words until the memory of Spike's reputation came back to her full force.  She realized that he had probably never heard the word 'no' in his life, and Buffy Summers was just the person who needed to give him a reality check.

"Thanks, but no thanks.  I already have plans," she said as she pushed past him.  "And besides," she said as she passed him.  "You're really not my type."  Spike stood in shock as she sent a saucy smile over her shoulder.  "Nice meeting you, William."

Spike stared after her as she headed to the front of the store.  Without a look back at him, Buffy called a good-bye to Giles as she grabbed the boy's arm and headed out the door.  Spike watched until the door shut behind her before smirking.  "So, kitten wants to play?  Well, we'll play."

---

Following

Buffy and Xander made their way through the rows of seats in the movie theater.  Finding two together, they sat down and began settling in just as the preview slides began on the screen.  After a few minutes, Buffy felt Xander's arm come to rest on the back of her seat.  Stiffening slightly at the more intimate contact, Buffy forced her body to relax as she watched the previews.  She suddenly squinted as a flashlight was shining in her face.

"Are you Buffy Summers?" the usher asked.

At Buffy's nod, he continued. "You're wanted in the lobby."

The young man turned around and walked away, leaving a perplexed Buffy behind.

"Do you want me to go with you, Buff?" Xander whispered.

"No," Buffy said, shaking her head.  "I'll be right back."

As Buffy made her way to the lobby, she was suddenly grabbed and pulled into a darkened hallway.  Before a scream could leave her throat, a hand was clamped over her mouth.  "It's just me, luv," the familiar voice said, letting go of her.

Buffy gasped for air as she tried to slow her accelerated heartbeat before getting angry.  "You know, you could have just waited out in a nice bright area and not lurk in the shadows like some creature of the night."

Spike smiled at her description.  "I wasn't lurking, I was waiting."

"And the difference is?"

"That's not important," Spike said dismissively, waving his hand.

"Then why are you attempting to kidnap me?"

"Just wanted to ask you a question, luv."

"Okay…"

"Go to the Bronze with me tonight."

"That wasn't a question- that was a request, and I can't believe you're even here!  I'm here with another guy!"

"That ponce doesn't know what to do with a girl like you," he said, looking her up and down and moving closer to her.

"And what kind of girl would I be, Spike?" she asked, crossing her arms over chest angrily.

"The kind who needs a big, strong man to look after her," Spike said with a smile.

This didn't make Buffy any happier. "Yeah, it's too bad there's not one of those around here."

Buffy turned to make her way back to her movie when she felt Spike's hand on her arm. "What about tomorrow?"

Buffy felt her heart flutter at the request but kept her resolve face in place.  "No."

Spike seemed taken aback by her answer as she pulled free of him and headed back into the theater.  "You know, luv," he called after her.  "The more you resist, the more it'll make me want you."

Buffy felt a shiver go up her spine at his words but refused to give him the satisfaction of turning around.  Spike smiled at her back as he bit his lip and watched her go.  This one was definitely going to be worth the extra effort.

---

Spike made sure he was at the Magic Box the next day at the end of Buffy's shift.  As Buffy left the store, she groaned at the sight of Spike leaning against the side of his vintage black Desoto.

Spike merely smiled at her. "Why don't you like me, Summers?"

"I think the better question would be, why do you like me all of a sudden?" she retorted as she walked past him.

Spike met her stride and walked with her as she headed home. "Because you challenge me, pet."

"Challenge you?" Buffy asked as she raised an eyebrow at him.  "Don't you mean I'm the first girl to turn you down?"

"Well, that, too."

"At least you're honest."

"I can be a lot more things than honest, luv," he replied in a seductive voice.

Buffy merely rolled her eyes.  "Spike, I told you, you're not my type."

"You know what I think, Summers?" Spike turned around and began walking backwards, facing her.  "I think you're scared of me."

"Not a chance."

"Yep," Spike said, turning to walk straight again.  "You're scared that you'll actually like me and you'll lose control."  When Buffy didn't say anything, Spike smiled.  "That's what I thought."

"No, you know what, Spike?" Buffy said angrily, turning to face him.  "Maybe I do think that, but if you're so interested to know what I think, then I'll tell you.  I think you'll get what you want out of the relationship, and then you'll do what you always do.  You'll leave.  I don't want to be with somebody who only wants me for one thing."  Buffy turned and left a stunned Spike standing behind her as she walked the rest of the way home.

---

Buffy sat on the couch later that night, watching an old movie on TV.  She had decided to forego a night out with her friends in favor of her comfy jeans and " Casablanca ."  She had been looking forward to spending some long overdue quality time with her mother until Joyce had announced she was leaving for Los Angeles for the weekend, and Buffy was once again alone.  Buffy sighed when the doorbell rang and slowly got up from her place on the couch.  When she opened the door, she had to suppress a groan as she looked at Spike, standing on her porch.

Spike stared at the girl in front of him and felt his heart skip a beat.  Dressed in a pair of worn jeans and a black sweater, she looked beautiful with her golden hair framing her face.

"What do you want, Spike?" she asked in a drained voice.

"I come bearing gifts," Spike said, holding out a plastic bag.  "Or, more accurately, a peace offering."

"A peace offering for what?" Buffy asked.

Spike looked down sheepishly before raising his eyes to meet hers.  "To let you know that I'm not interested in you for only one thing."

Buffy looked at him skeptically as he handed her the bag.  She smiled as she looked inside. "You know you're not going to get laid just because you brought me ice cream.  Even if it is cookie dough."

Spike smiled at her. "Never crossed my mind, luv."

Buffy stepped back and gave him a smile, her resolve gone. "Come in, Spike."

Spike gave her a grateful look as he crossed over the threshold, following her into the kitchen.  "Nice house, pet."

"It's okay."

"Something wrong, luv?"

"No, I'm fine," Buffy said unconvincingly, shaking her head as she pulled two spoons out of the drawer and began to walk back into the living room.

Spike stepped in front of her before she made her escape.  "I'm not buying it."

Buffy sighed as she looked into his eyes. "I just feel lonely, I guess."

"Well…I'm here now.  Not alone anymore."

Buffy smiled as he tried to cheer her up. "That's true.  Thank you, Spike."

Spike returned the smile before stepping out of her way and following her into the living room.  Once they were situated on the couch, sharing the tub of ice cream, Spike looked over at her.  "Can I ask you a question, luv?"

"Sure," she said around a spoonful of cookie dough.

"Do you really think I just use women?" Spike asked as he stared down at the ice cream.

Buffy swallowed and started to feel bad for what she had said to him earlier.  "I honestly don't know, Spike.  I mean, that's just your reputation, and I guess I've let myself believe it over the years."  Spike nodded as she continued.  "So, can I ask you a question?"

"Anything, luv."

"Is it true?"

Spike stared down at his lap for a moment, contemplating his answer.  "It used to be," he said quietly.

"Used to be?"

He looked up and met her eyes. "When I was a junior in high school, I was dating a girl that I thought I was in love with.  I found out she was cheating on me throughout our entire relationship, and it tore me up inside.  So, yeah, for a while there, I just used girls the way I felt like I was used."

"And now?"

"I don't know.  I'm still not perfect, pet.  Guess I never will be…and I'm not going to lie to you.  When I saw you yesterday, getting you into my bed was one of the first thoughts in my mind."  Buffy blushed at the statement.  "But, I also wanted to know you.  No one's ever been completely honest with me the way you have.  You definitely got my attention."

Buffy smiled as she stabbed at the ice cream.  "I'm still not going to jump into bed with you."

"Good."  Buffy's head shot up, a pained look on her face.  Spike saw the look and shook his head. "I just mean, I'm glad you would wait.  Makes it more special."

Buffy nodded, still feeling slightly uneasy with the way he'd agreed with her but decided to ignore it.  "Can we start over?" she asked timidly.

Spike smiled. "I'd like that, luv."

Buffy held out her hand. "Buffy Summers, senior at Sunnydale High."

Spike laughed and shook the outstretched hand. "Spike Giles, sophomore at UC Sunnydale."

"Nice to meet you," Buffy said with a dazzling smile.

"You, too."

Buffy and Spike, once again, began to dig into their snack when the phone rang.  Buffy went to answer it, and Spike frowned at the conversation that he picked up on.

"No, it's okay…I really understand…yeah, it's not a problem.  Okay, I love you, too…bye."

Spike watched as Buffy trudged back to the couch, a distant expression on her face.

"Something wrong, luv?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, just my mom."

"Want to talk about it?"

"She's just going to be gone for the rest of the week.  No big deal," she said with a half-hearted shrug.

"This happens a lot?" he asked softly.

Buffy shrugged again as she pushed the ice cream away from her.  "It could be worse."

"You miss her," Spike said.

Buffy nodded. "A lot."

"I know what'll cheer you up."  Buffy looked at him expectantly as he continued.  "Movie night.  Tomorrow, we'll do the whole night with the works- popcorn, cheesy horror and teen movies, your friends over here."

Buffy brightened. "You'd really want to hang out with a bunch of high school kids?"

"I really want to hang out with you," he said softly.

Buffy blushed at the compliment, biting her lip in a way Spike found endearing.  "You're on!  You bring the popcorn."

Spike laughed at her sudden bossiness. "That I can do, pet."  Standing up, Buffy gave him a pouty look. "Sorry, luv, but I better be going.  I told my dad I was going to stop by tonight."

"That's sweet," Buffy said, getting up with a smile.

"What's that, luv?"

"Well, it's just, you're twenty years old, and you still worry about making your dad worried when he doesn't know where you are.  It's cute."

"It is bloody well not cute!" Spike exclaimed indignantly, which only served to make Buffy giggle.

"Sorry," Buffy said, getting her laughter under control.  "You're right," she continued with a stern look.  "It's not cute, it's manly.  Very, very manly," she finished with a firm nod.

Spike laughed at her attempt to appease him. "Okay, if you say it's cute, I'll let you get away with it.  But only you," he said, pointing a finger at her.

Buffy nodded as she walked him to the door.  "Thanks for the peace offering, Spike.  It really does mean a lot."

Spike smiled as he opened the door. "Not a problem, pet.  Friends then?"

"Friends," Buffy agreed with a smile.  Spike returned the smile as he turned to walk away.

"Spike," Buffy called out to him as he stepped onto the porch.  He turned to look at her questioningly as she stepped outside with him.  "Thank you," she whispered as she pulled him down to leave a soft kiss on his cheek.

Spike felt the heat rise to his face as he looked down at her. "What was that for, luv?"

Buffy smiled shyly. "For being here when I needed someone.  And for planning Movie Night tomorrow."

Spike nodded as he took her hand in his and left a gentle kiss on the top of it. "My pleasure, Buffy."

---

Getting To Know You

The following night, Buffy and Willow were laughing at something Xander had said when the doorbell rang.  Buffy jumped up to answer it, swinging it open to reveal Spike holding a box of microwaveable popcorn.  Buffy smiled as she opened the door wider in invitation. "I was beginning to worry you weren't going to make it."

"Are you kidding?  This was my bloody idea- I wouldn't have missed it for the world, Goldilocks," Spike replied, tugging on a strand of blonde hair.

Buffy giggled at the nickname before leading him into the living room.  She noticed the glare Xander had on his face and turned to see a matching one on Spike's.  "Guys, this is Spike. Spike, this is Xander, and I think you may have met Willow at the Magic Box."

Spike snapped his eyes away from the younger man to give a brief smile and nod to Willow . "Yeah, we've seen each other around.  How are you, Red?"

Willow smiled. "Oh, I'm great."

Buffy turned as the doorbell rang again and went to answer it.  She greeted Oz and Cordelia who had arrived at the same time and let them in.  Buffy and Cordy initially hadn't hit it off when Buffy had moved to Sunnydale, but the more they talked to each other, the friendlier they got.  Buffy knew that Xander had a crush on Cordy and felt a little bad at her ulterior motive of having Cordelia there to distract her friend.  Buffy finished the introductions and headed into the kitchen with the popcorn.

"Need any help, luv?" Buffy turned at the voice behind her and saw Spike leaning in the doorway.

"With microwave popcorn?" Buffy asked with a smile.  "Nah, I think I got it."

Spike smiled and walked over to sit down at the island as he watched Buffy.

Buffy smiled nervously as she felt his eyes on her before looking up and meeting his gaze. "What?"

"You're just cute," Spike said, gesturing to her pale pink cotton pants and matching zip-up sweatshirt with a white tank top underneath.  She looked so young and sweet that Spike couldn't help but smile.

Buffy blushed at his compliment and turned away from him, busying herself with getting the snacks ready.

"Didn't mean to embarrass you, luv," he said softly.

Buffy turned and looked at Spike, his head tilted slightly to gauge her reaction.  "I'm fine, " Buffy said with a soft smile.

Spike nodded as Buffy picked up the tray of food.  He quickly jumped to his feet and intercepted her. "I got it, Goldilocks.  You just lead the way."

Buffy gave him a bright smile of thanks and headed to the living room.

---

After the first two movies, Spike leaned against the back of the couch and closed his eyes.  They must be having a chick flick marathon.  He could have easily dealt with that, and Buffy's friends were, for the most part, pretty cool.  He found that he and Oz had a lot more in common than someone might have thought.  However, the fact that Buffy had situated herself next to Spike when they sat down a few hours ago had not gone unnoticed by Xander, whose angry looks were not overlooked by Spike.  Especially when he had put his arm on the back of the couch, and he thought the boy was going to say something to him.

'Bloody hell,' he thought.  'I'm not even touching her, and he's acting like I'm trying to get her to shag me on the couch.'  Spike let out a sigh and excused himself from the room.

Buffy frowned when she heard the back door close. "I'll be right back, guys.  I'm gonna make sure Spike's okay.  Start the next one without us."  The group nodded as Buffy made her way to the back of the house.  When she opened the back door, she saw Spike turn to face her slightly and give her a small smile from his position on the top step.  Buffy could see the lit cigarette burning in his hand and went to sit down on the step next to him.

"You okay?" she asked quietly.

"Fine, luv.  I just needed a break, is all," Spike said, gesturing to the cigarette.

"You know, those things will kill you," Buffy said with a smile.

Spike scoffed. "So I've heard."

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Spike finished the smoke.  Smashing it under his heel, Buffy watched him as he clasped his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I'm sorry if I'm not being much fun in there, luv."

Buffy frowned. "Spike, we're just watching movies. It's not like we're having a party."

"Yeah," he agreed halfheartedly.

"Besides, I've noticed the looks Xander's been throwing your way."

"What's going on between you two?" Spike asked, looking at her to see her reaction.

Buffy shrugged. "We're friends.  He had a little crush on me when I moved here, but I turned him down.  Nothing really came of it."

"So, that date the other night-"

"Was our first and only," Buffy replied.  " Willow tried to talk me into giving him a second chance, but there's just no romantic feelings from my side."

Spike nodded, obviously relieved, as he stared out into the dark backyard.  "I've never done this before, Buffy," he said quietly.

"Done what?"

"Try to be friends with a girl.  It's all a little new to me."

"Let me guess- every girl has been a conquest to you." Spike looked at her with hurt in his eyes. "Oh, Spike, I didn't mean it like that.  I just meant you knew what to expect, and now a friendship is a new set of rules."

"That about sums it up.  And you were probably right the first time.  Every girl was just a way to get instant gratification- I never thought of much beyond that.  There was always some kind of ulterior motive."

"And it's not like that with me?" Buffy asked with a playful pout before she broke out in a smile.

Spike looked at her with a smile on his face. "I reserve the right not to answer that question."

Buffy looked down at her hands as she flushed at his comment.  After a few moments, she decided she better change the subject. "So, do you work at the Magic Box?"

"Help my dad out once in a while.  I'm not on schedule, but he's been trying to talk me into it."

"You should do it.  It'll help your dad, and I'd get to see you more, as a friend," she added quickly as he looked over at her.

Spike smiled and nodded. "I might.  Got a lot on my plate this semester, with school and all."

Buffy was about to reply when the back door opened.  Both turned to see Xander standing there.  "You're missing the movie." Spike noticed he was talking to Buffy but stood up anyway.  Offering his hand to Buffy, he shot Xander a glare of his own as Buffy took hold of it and stood.  Spike smiled down at Buffy as she held his hand longer than necessary, gently reaching up to tuck an errant strand of hair behind her ear.  Both felt the tingling sensations go through them as they touched, but each ignored the feeling.

'We're friends,' they both thought at the same time.

As they walked back into the house, Buffy couldn't help but be slightly disappointed that they were just friends.  Nevertheless, they'd only known each other for a few days.  Who knew what the future held.

---

Stressing

Over the next few weeks, Buffy and Spike grew closer. Spike began working the same shifts she did and felt his attraction toward her growing. He never said anything to Buffy for fear that she would get scared and start avoiding him, but he couldn't help the feelings he had for her. Today, they were in the back room, restocking the items that had just been shipped in.

"So what's new with you, Goldilocks?" Spike asked. He'd noticed she'd been quiet for most of the day and was starting to get worried about her.

Buffy shook her head as she finished unpacking one of the boxes in front of her.

"Come on," Spike prodded. "There's something stirring around in that overactive brain of yours."

Buffy smiled slightly. "It's really nothing."

Spike walked over to her and gently took her by the arms. "Buffy, are you okay?"

This time she smiled genuinely. "There's nothing to be worried about, if that's what you mean."

"Good," Spike said, breathing a sigh of relief. "But there is something bothering you."

"It's stupid really. I just…I'm not going to the prom, and I've just been thinking about if it's a mistake to skip it, but it's this weekend, and I'm getting kind of close to the buzzer if I decide to go."

Spike stared at her, confused. "What do you mean you're not going? Guys must be lined up around the block to take you."

Buffy laughed at that. "Oh yeah, I really get the greatest guys in Sunnydale High. My favorite options are Cameron Walker, who felt the need to try and sexually assault me in his car last year, or Larry, who tries to grab my butt in gym class every day. Call me crazy, but I'm thinking I don't want to face the post-prom parties with guys like that."

Spike felt anger build in him at the mention of these two idiots touching a girl like her. "Buffy, if anything ever happens, I want you to tell me, okay?"

Buffy gave him a small smile. "Nothing's going to happen to me because I won't be in that kind of a position for anything to happen, but thank you." She gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand as she got up and left the room.

Spike sat there for a long time, thinking about what Buffy had said. He knew that she would be sorry if she missed out on her prom, but he couldn't find it in himself to ask her. It was, after all, her school, and she didn't seem that interested in asking him, so he knew he should forget about it. What he couldn't forget about was the look in her eyes when she told him about it.

Spike left the room and saw Buffy and Willow talking at the front of the store. Spike decided to leave them alone and began shelving some books when he heard the bell at the front of the store. Turning around, he saw Willow walking toward him as the door shut.

"Did Buffy go home?"

"No," Willow said. "She's just taking her break. Spike, you have to convince her to go to the prom this weekend."

Spike blinked at the abrupt change of topic. "Listen, Red, I don't know if Buffy wants me to butt in."

"Spike, she wants to go, but she doesn't have a date."

"Yeah, I know. She told me."

"What is wrong with you?" Willow cried as she smacked him on the shoulder.

Spike flinched at the amount of power behind her tiny hand. "What are you goin' on about?"

"Buffy tells you her problem, and you don't ask her?"

"Red, it's not my place to ask. It's her school, her dance, and I'm her friend. If she wants to go with me, she'll ask."

Willow threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Men!" Looking Spike in the eye again, she continued, "Spike, she's turned down four offers because they haven't been the right guy."

"So the chit's picky, so what?"

"Because the right guy is you."

Spike froze. "She told you that?"

"Well…not in so many words, but I know her, Spike. She's my friend."

Spike absorbed all of the information for several long minutes as he sat down at a nearby table. "I've got an idea, Red."

---

Buffy stood in front of the mirror on Saturday night, staring at the reflection. "I'm cool with going stag," she muttered to herself as she looked at the strapless, red floor-length gown that Willow had talked her into. The low-cut neckline showed off a generous amount of cleavage. A high slit up the right leg made Buffy feel a little self-conscious about the amount of skin she was exposing, but she shrugged it off. Her long golden hair was pulled up in a French-twist with a few face-framing pieces left down. Her mother's diamond earrings were the only jewelry she wore. Buffy stared into the mirror for over ten minutes when she heard the doorbell.

"Buffy! Your friends are here!"

"I'll be right down, Mom!"

With a final glance in the mirror, Buffy turned and made her way downstairs. She smiled at her friends as she walked downstairs. Willow and Oz stood in the doorway, blissfully happy. Buffy could see Xander and Cordelia behind them and smiled. Cordy had finally taken it upon herself to ask Xander to go with her since he was too frightened to ask her.

"Buffy, you look amazing!" Willow squealed.

"Lookin' good, Buffster." Buffy smiled at her friends as Cordy and Oz echoed the statements.

"Thanks, guys, you all look great, too. Where's my mom?"

"Oh, she's out on the porch," Willow replied.

Buffy frowned and followed her friends out into the night. She felt her chest constrict at what she saw. Standing on the porch in an all black tux with a black necktie, Spike smiled at her, holding a bouquet of white roses. Buffy stood frozen in her place as her mother snapped pictures of her shocked expression.

Buffy finally was able to give him a smile as he stepped forward. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't let my favorite girl go to her prom alone, now could I?"

Buffy's smile brightened at the admission as everyone started talking at once. She couldn't hear anything else as Spike leaned forward, gently brushing her cheek with his lips. "You look gorgeous, luv," he whispered quietly.

Buffy shivered at the feel of his breath on her skin and looked into his eyes. "You're not so bad yourself." Buffy took Spike's offered arm and let him lead her to the waiting limousine.

---

The Prom

Buffy relaxed as they entered the decorated gymnasium. She saw the jealous looks of the other girls in her class and couldn't help the smile that it brought to her face.

"What are you smiling at, luv?" Spike asked softly.

"That I have the best date here and all the girls hate me."

Spike laughed at the admission as he took her hand and led her out to the dance floor. "I didn't do to badly either. Care to dance, pet?"

Without answering, Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and thrilled at the gentle touch of his hands on her hips. After a minute of swaying to the music, Buffy rested her head against his chest, resisting the urge to run her hands over the hard muscles that she encountered.

Spike gently pressed a kiss to her hair, pulling away slightly to rest his cheek against the top of her head. The two danced through another song, each savoring the feel of the other.

Buffy slowly pulled back to look into his bright eyes. "Why did you come tonight?"

"Don't want me here, pet?" he asked with a smile.

"I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather go with, but I didn't think you would want to go to a high school dance."

"Not usually, no, but this is different. This is going with you, and I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday night."

Buffy smiled at the admission, fighting the urge to kiss him for his thoughtfulness. As the two broke apart at the end of the song, Buffy noticed the way he casually held her hand as they walked off the floor and tightened her grip. Spike smiled at the slight pressure change and pulled Buffy closer to him. "Want something to drink, luv?"

"Yeah, that would be great."

As Spike walked over to get some punch, Buffy groaned as she watched Harmony and her minions approach her.

"So, Buffy, I see you were able to land a date," Harmony commented in her nasal tone.

Buffy sighed. "What do you want, Harmony?"

"Just to let you know that you're way out of your league. You think that Spike Giles is going to stay interested in you?" she asked with a laugh. "He'll probably be looking for someone else to leave with by the end of the night."

Buffy clenched her teeth but tried to stay calm. "Gee, Harmony, I never thought of that. I guess I shouldn't talk to you anymore. Spike might think we're friends, and that certainly wouldn't help my chances."

Harmony huffed and walked away with her trail of followers. Buffy headed for the door, needing some air.

Spike watched from across the room as Buffy talked to another blonde before turning and walking out the door. Spike quickly took off to see what was wrong. As he got to the doors of the gym, Spike walked into the darkened school hallway and took in his surroundings. He saw an exit door and headed toward it. Looking outside, he saw Buffy staring up at the moon, hugging her arms around her body.

Spike quietly exited the school and approached her. "Buffy," he said quietly, touching her shoulder. Buffy whirled around in surprise and visibly relaxed when she saw Spike. "What are you doing out here, luv?"

"I just needed some air."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the blonde you were just talking to, would it?"

"It's nothing for you to worry about, Spike, really. Just stupid high school stuff that I can't wait to leave behind."

Spike contemplated her for a minute as she turned her back to him. Not thinking before he acted, Spike stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. Buffy relished the intimate feel of him as she rested her own hands on his.

"So, what's after the dance, Goldilocks?"

"Some big party at Cordy's. Her parents are out of town and told her she could have the entire senior class over. You don't have to go if you don't want to. I'll understand, and you have gone well and beyond the call of duty."

"Will you be there?"

"Yeah."

"Then I will, too."

---

Just after midnight, Buffy and Spike walked through the foyer of the Chase mansion. Buffy had only been in the house one other time, and now, she was truly in awe of the size of it. She grabbed Spike's hand, scared that she would lose him in the throngs of people, and led him through the house to the back deck. Buffy saw Willow and Oz swimming in the Olympic-size pool and waved.

"Hey, guys!" Willow said as she swam over to meet them. "Cordy's got extra suits in the pool house. They're hidden in the bathroom cabinets since there are just enough for her friends."

"Thanks, Wills," Buffy said. She turned to face Spike. "Do you want to swim now?"

Spike briefly had the image of Buffy in a two-piece flash through his brain. "Now's good," he said in a hoarse voice. Buffy gave him a quizzical look but headed into the smaller pool house.

Rifling through the cabinets, she finally came across the swimsuits. Tossing a pair of black trunks to Spike, she waited outside the door while he changed. When he reappeared a few minutes later, Buffy licked her lips at the sight of his bare, muscular chest. Spike smirked when he saw her staring, and his smile only broadened when a blush rose to her cheeks. "I, uh, I better get changed," Buffy said as she walked around him to get to the bathroom.

Buffy looked through the various colors and styles of the swimsuits before picking a navy blue string bikini. She quickly took her hair down and let it tumble around her shoulders. Grabbing a couple of towels, Buffy quickly hung up her dress in the connecting bedroom and made her way out the door to encounter Spike. His eyes seemed to light up as he looked her over.

"Ready to go, luv?"

Buffy noticed that his voice seemed to drop a little as he stared at her, and she felt her face heat up again. "Yeah."

Spike put his hand on the small of her back and led her out of the house.

---

An hour later, Buffy was soaking her tired body in the hot tub. She was exhausted from the long night at the dance and the subsequent water fights they had shared with Willow and Oz. Now as she was lounging in the hot tub, Buffy looked around for her date. Spike had disappeared ten minutes earlier to get them something to snack on, and she hadn't seen him since.

With a sigh, Buffy pulled herself out of the hot tub and wrapped a towel around her waist. Wandering through the house that was now filled with drunk senior classmen, Buffy found her way to the kitchen. Walking through the door, she froze when she saw Spike with Harmony wrapped around him. Her arms were pulling him close as she looked like she was trying to devour his face. Spike pulled away and met Buffy's eyes as she turned and fled the house.

Buffy quickly made her way to the pool house, rushing through the door and into the spare bedroom. She quickly slammed the door shut and took several deep gulps of air. "Okay, Buff," she said to herself. "He's not your boyfriend- he's just a nice guy who's your friend and decided to do you a favor and take you to the prom." Buffy put her head in her hands. "He doesn't even like you."

Buffy quickly shed the towel and pulled her dress out of the closet. There was no need to stick around anymore if her friends had disappeared and her date was off making out with another girl. Just as Buffy pulled the dress off the hanger, she heard a loud knocking on the door. Puzzled, she went over to open it and encountered an out of breath Spike.

Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. "That's what smoking will do to you."

"Buffy, I'm sorry, I-"

"Spike, you don't owe me any type of explanation. We're friends, and you were just doing me a favor tonight by going with me. Don't worry about it," she said as she walked back over to the bed.

Feeling his body against hers, Buffy turned around. "That wasn't what it looked like, Buffy. She kissed me, I didn't kiss her back."

"Spike, I-"

"No, you deserve to know this. I didn't come here tonight to shag someone. I came here tonight because I wanted to be with you." Buffy stared into his eyes as he continued, gently cupping her face. "I want to be with you, Buffy. I don't want to just be friends anymore. It's not enough, I want you." Spike's lips quickly descended to her own as he gave her a passionate kiss.

Buffy felt lightheaded as she reached around his waist to balance herself against the dizzying emotions coursing through her. Pulling away slowly, Spike looked down at Buffy as she tried to catch her breath.

"What do you think, luv? Do I have a shot?" Buffy didn't answer him, just pulled him down to her for another emotional kiss. Slowly leading him with her, Spike found himself lying on the bed with Buffy beneath him. Trying to control his raging hormones, he moaned as her body arched into his. His hands, of their own need, began caressing her body, roaming over the soft, exposed skin. Slowly, Spike felt his hand slip under the top of her bikini, gently squeezing her full breast. Buffy moaned, thrusting herself against him again. Spike felt all willpower fading as he realized they were only separated by two very thin pieces of fabric. Suddenly realizing who he was with, Spike pulled away from her and sat up.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.

"Nothing, baby. We just need to stop." Spike looked up and saw the hurt look on Buffy's face as she stood up. "Buffy, what's wrong, luv?"

With her back turned to him, he heard her whisper, "Is it me?"

Spike was off the bed in a flash, spinning her around and pinning her to the nearby wall. "Never think that again," he said through clenched teeth.

Spike saw her chin quiver as she looked at him. "Why don't you want me?"

Spike gently kissed her before answering, "I want you, baby, but you deserve better than this. I don't want you to do something you'll write off as a weak moment later." Spike watched her, waiting for her to say something. When she stayed quiet, he continued, "Buffy, when it happens, I want it to be special. I don't want it to be in a guest house at an after-prom party." He paused as he gently tilted her face up to his. "Buffy, if you want me half as much as I want you, it will happen."

Buffy nodded as he kissed her forehead. "You wanna get out of here, pet?"

"Where to?" she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"My place."

Buffy had to suppress a smile. "You know, for someone who was so determined to wait no more than ten seconds ago, you sure do move fast."

"I was thinking more movies and pizza," Spike said with a chuckle before leaning down to kiss her. "And maybe some more of those."

Buffy giggled. "What are we waiting for?"

---

Feelings

A few hours later, Buffy and Spike lay curled together on the couch in his apartment.  Buffy had changed into a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt and was now sound asleep, wrapped in Spike's arms.  Spike stared down at the sleeping young woman and felt his heart skip a beat.  He had never felt like this before.  It suddenly occurred to him that he had never done this before.  There was not a moment that he could remember comfortably lying next to someone that he cared for.  Spike was suddenly filled with fear that he would lose her.  He watched as Buffy stirred in her sleep and slowly opened her eyes to look up into his.

"Morning, beautiful."

"Is it morning?" Buffy asked with a yawn as she rubbed her eyes.

Spike smiled at the child-like quality she took on. "Just after sunrise."

"Did you get any sleep?"

"No, I wanted to enjoy having you in my arms."

Buffy smiled. "You're not trying a line on me, are you?  Because you know, you've already got me."

"Do I?" Spike asked, his expression suddenly becoming serious.

"I thought we'd already covered this."

"Humor me."

Buffy reached a hand up, slowly tracing the contours of his face. "I want to be with you.  Only you."

Spike let out a sigh of relief before dipping his head to capture her lips in a sweet kiss.  Buffy moaned as his tongue reached into her mouth to tangle with hers.  Slowly turning over in his arms, Buffy slipped her hands underneath his shirt and trailed her fingertips along the rigid muscles of his abdomen.  Spike broke away from her lips to kiss a path down her neck.  "What time do you have to be home, luv?" he asked as his own hand rubbed soothing circles over the length of her stomach.

Buffy felt her breathing accelerate at his movements. "Doesn't matter.  No one's home...Mom left town for a few days."

Spike met her lips in another searing kiss as his hand played with the hem of the boxers she was wearing.  "So I have you all to myself for as long as I want?" he whispered huskily when they broke away.

Buffy began panting slightly as his hand slipped beneath the shorts.  She nodded. "I-I thought we weren't going to-"

"We're not," he said in a gravelly voice.  "But there are other things to keep us occupied," he finished as a finger gently separated the outer lips and toyed with the dampness he found.  Spike watched her face as Buffy gasped, her eyes widening before snapping shut at the sensations.  Teasingly, he began tracing the contours, watching the emotions play on her face as he gently ran a finger up and down the warm center.  Buffy relentlessly pushed against him, searching for any kind of release.  She opened her wide eyes and stared up at Spike.  "Please," she whispered, her eyes pleading with him.  "Spike, please…I need it."

Spike smiled at her choice of words as he bent to kiss her passionately as he slid two fingers into her.  Buffy tensed and then cried out in pleasure at the fulfilling feelings.  Spike cautiously moved in and out of her hot passage, watching as Buffy visibly began to lose control.  He felt her nails dig into the skin of his upper arm as she searched for her release.  Spike finally took pity on her and moved his thumb to the sensitive bundle of nerves, brushing over it once and smiling as Buffy bucked up to meet him.  She began to shake from the stimulation and cried out again as Spike added more pressure and began rubbing her in a circular motion.  Knowing her climax was closing in on her, Spike began to penetrate deeper as his movements picked up speed.  He smiled as Buffy peaked, screaming out her orgasm as he extracted every ounce of bliss from her body.

"That was amazing," she whispered, her eyes already beginning to close from the exertion of her climax.  "But what about you?"

Spike bent his head to kiss her again as she snuggled deeper into his embrace.  "Don't worry about it, luv.  There will be plenty of time in the future.  You just go back to sleep, okay?"

Buffy nodded sleepily as she curled even further into his body.  Spike watched as she fell into a peaceful sleep before he let himself follow.

---

Staying

Buffy graduated two weeks later.  She and Spike were going strong, seeing each other almost every night.  Tonight, they were planning on watching movies at her house since her mom was out of town.  Buffy felt bad always going over to his place, so she had insisted that he come over tonight.

Hearing a knock on the door, Buffy checked her hair in the mirror and gave it a quick fluff.  Opening the door, she smiled at Spike, in his usual leather duster, black jeans, and black t-shirt.

"Hey," she said brightly as she gave him a kiss.

"So this is the inside of the house," Spike said as he looked around.

Buffy smacked her forehead. "I'm sorry, I forgot you've only been on the front porch.  Let me show you around."

Buffy took his hand and led him through the downstairs.  When they stopped in front of the stairs again, Spike pulled Buffy into a long, passionate kiss, slowly deepening it until they broke away from each other, panting for air.

"Do you want to see my room?" Buffy asked breathlessly.

"Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Summers?" Spike asked with a smile.

Buffy looked up at him with wide eyes. "Maybe."

Spike felt the air drain out of him at the small confession.  "Buffy…I don't know.  I don't know if we're ready."

"You mean you don't know if I'm ready," Buffy said with a slight nod.

"Baby, we've only been together for a few weeks.  Don't you want to wait?"

Buffy took a deep breath.  "You're right," she said with an unconvincing tone.  "Let's go watch the movies."

Buffy began to move around Spike as she felt his hand on her arm.  "Buffy, don't be mad at me, luv."

"I'm fine, Spike," she said, pasting a fake smile on her face as she pulled out of his grip.  He sighed as he watched her walk into the living room, taking a few deep breaths to control his emotions.  He wanted her, there was no doubt about that, but he knew they should wait.  He'd never had strong willpower when it came to women, and it was even harder with Buffy, considering he actually cared for her.

"Spike?  Are you going to stand in there all night?"

Spike took another deep breath as he walked into the room.  Sitting down next to her on the couch, Buffy snuggled into his side.  This was going to be a long night.

---

Around midnight , Buffy got up and headed up to her room to change.  As she got to the stairs, she turned and looked at Spike. "Are you staying tonight?"  The question was so quiet and full of hope that it brought a slight smile to Spike's face.

"If you want me to, luv."

"I do," she said softly with a smile.  "I'll be back in a minute."

Spike watched the movie until Buffy came back downstairs.  His breath caught at how beautiful she way.  Dressed in a pair of blue satin pajamas with her golden skin setting off the shade of blue, she looked so beautiful and innocent that all of Spike's resolve flew out the window.  He found himself standing up to make his way over to her.  Wrapping his arms around Buffy's waist, he pulled her closer to him until their lips met.

The passion of the kiss escalated as his hands worked their way under her top, feeling the soft, warm skin underneath.  Buffy moaned into his mouth as his hands traveled up her body, caressing every inch of her that he could touch.  Both gasped as he brushed the side of her bare breast, igniting a fire in Buffy and making Spike grow increasingly hard.

Breaking away from her lips, Spike looked down at her passion-filled eyes as she took his hand and led him upstairs.  Walking into her room, Buffy turned and attacked his lips as her hands frantically began pulling his shirt free from the waistband of his pants.  Their lips parted briefly as she lifted the shirt over his head, pausing to admire the sculpted muscles in front of her, tentatively trailing the ridges of his abdomen as he watched her.  Biting her lip, Buffy ran her fingertips over the planes of his chest as she hooked her hands behind Spike's neck and pulled him down for a slow kiss.

Spike began slowly unbuttoning the front of her top, growing painfully hard at the awareness that they were only separated by scraps of fabric.  As he finished his task, Spike broke away from the kiss as he parted the shirt, staring at her in all her beauty.  Buffy nervously crossed her arms in front of her chest as Spike reached for her and pulled her into another kiss.

"Don't," he whispered, breaking away.  "You're beautiful, luv, don't be embarrassed."  Slowly, Spike moved her hands that obstructed her body and slipped the top off her shoulders.  Gently trailing a hand over a breast to palm it in his hand, he smiled at the gasp Buffy let out at the sensations.  "Are you sure about this, Buffy?" he asked in a husky voice.

Buffy nodded. "I'm sure, Spike."  With a shuddering breath, she took his hand and led him over to her bed.  Turning around, Buffy looked into his eyes as Spike softly traced his fingertips up and down her arms in relaxing motions.  After a moment, Spike let a hand slide up to cup the back of her head as he drew her closer for a tender kiss.  As the passion threatened to consume them, Spike felt Buffy's tiny hands working on his belt buckle and moaned as she slipped the pants down his legs and took his hardened erection in her hand.

"Is this okay?" Buffy asked in a shy voice as she worked her hand up and down in a slow rhythm.

"More than okay, luv," Spike said with some effort as his eyes rolled back.  After a minute, he opened his eyes to see Buffy nervously chewing her lower lip.  With a great deal of control, he broke away from her to lie her down on the bed before crawling up her body and staring longingly into eyes.  "Buffy…if you want to stop-"

Buffy shook her head. "N-no, I…you see, I-I..I've never-"

"Shhh, it's okay, baby.  I know."

Buffy looked at him in confusion. "You do?"

Spike smiled gently as he brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. "A woman like you wouldn't do something as special as this unless it was making love."

"A-and…that's what this is to you?"

"Yes, baby."  He lowered his head to begin kissing the column of her neck.  "That's exactly what this is to me."

Buffy moaned, clutching the comforter on both sides of her, as Spike trailed the length of her body, hooking his fingers on each side of her loose satin pants, dragging them down her legs and tossing them onto the pile of clothes on the floor.  Buffy gasped as one of his hands snaked in between her legs to settle between her thighs.  Raising up to look into her eyes, Spike smiled at the wetness he found there before pulling away.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked, the distress of him leaving evident in her voice.

"Nowhere, baby," Spike said as he reached for his jeans on the floor.  Realization dawned on Buffy as he pulled a condom out of his pocket.

"Prepared, aren't you?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.

Spike crawled the length of her body a second time as he smiled at her. "I lose all control when I'm around you, luv.  Thought it would be better to be prepared."

Buffy smiled, at ease with his gentle voice.  "I'm glad," she said softly.

Spike quickly rolled the condom on his hard length and settled himself between her legs.  "Last chance, Buffy.  We can still stop if you want to, luv."

Buffy didn't answer, just pulled him closer for another searing kiss.  Spike kissed her back with the same ferocity as he gently pushed into her.  Buffy moaned into his mouth as his length slid further, moaning again when he stopped.  Spike ran a hand up her body to cup the side of her face, intensifying the kiss as he pushed through the barrier, taking her virginity.

Buffy broke away from his lips, crying out at the pain that filled her.  Spike stayed frozen inside her, gently caressing any part of her that he could touch, as she gasped for breath.  "It hurts," she said softly as she looked at Spike with tear-filled eyes.

Spike felt his throat tighten, knowing that he hurt this beautiful woman so willingly. "I'm sorry, baby.  It won't hurt much longer, just relax."

Buffy did as she was told, relaxing her body and feeling Spike begin to move within her, jolted by the rush of pleasure that swept through her as he slowly grinded his hips against hers.  Buffy moaned and eagerly pushed back against him, seeking more relief from the receding pain.  She gasped as he pulled halfway out of her, only to push back in and elicit another moan from her.

Spike was in heaven.  He had never felt pleasure this exquisite.  He felt as if he was drowning in her as he began speeding up his thrusts, pulling out of her more fully before plunging back into her hot depths.  After several minutes of moving in and out of her, Spike felt his climax approaching.  Clenching his jaw, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to refrain from losing control for as long as possible.  As he was about to reach his hand between them to help Buffy reach her peak faster, he felt her inner muscles tighten as her nails dug into his back.

Buffy felt the tightening in her stomach and frantically pushed against Spike as she felt her body begin to spiral out of control.  Tightening her hold on him, Buffy felt her body peak as she let out a scream of bliss as she came.

Spike's body hummed at the feel of her muscles clenching him.  Thrusting into her a few more times, he finally let himself go over the edge, his body pulsing as he grabbed the sheets on either side of Buffy.  Fisting them in his hands, he groaned at the ecstasy that threatened to overwhelm him as he caught his breath.  Opening his eyes, he looked into the depths of Buffy's green eyes as she stared at him.  Giving her a gentle kiss, Spike separated himself from her warmth and got up to dispose of the condom.

Buffy watched as Spike left the room, feeling the tears spring to her eyes as he disappeared from her view.  She quickly rolled over, pulling the comforter over her to hide her nude body.  She let the tears fall as she stared out her window.

Spike reentered the room and looked at Buffy's figure huddling under the covers.  He frowned but assumed she was just cold and went to slip in behind her, spooning his body to hers.

Buffy jumped at the feel of his body pressed against hers and sniffled slightly, trying to reign in her emotions.  Spike heard the sniffle, and his frown deepened.  Putting gentle pressure on her shoulder, he rolled her over to face him.  Panic swept through him at the sight of her tear-streaked face.

"Baby, what's wrong?"  He noticed she wouldn't make eye contact with him, and the panic turned to terror.  "Did I hurt you?  I know it hurt at first, luv, but I thought it felt better…I-I thought-"

"Spike," she said in a strained voice.  "Don't worry about me."

"How can I not, Buffy?" he asked incredulously.  "We just made love, and you're lying here in tears.  What did I do, baby?"

Buffy sniffled again before making eye contact with him. "Was it…was I okay?"

Spike looked at her in confusion. "You were better than okay, luv.  You were magnificent.  Why would you ask that?"

"It's just…you walked out, and I just thought-"

"Buffy, no!  I just had to get rid of the condom, luv.  That's all.  Please, believe me, baby," he whispered as he worriedly caressed her skin, trying to reassure her.  He pulled her closer for a kiss as he continued, "I have never felt the way you make me feel, emotionally or physically."

"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered, her eyes tearing up again.  "I just thought-"

Spike silenced her with another kiss as he pulled her into his embrace.  "Don't scare me like that, pet," he whispered into her hair.  "I thought you were going to kick me out."

Buffy smiled and shook her head. "No.  I want you right here."

Spike smiled as she burrowed deeper into his arms. "That works out nicely then," he murmured softly.  "Because I have no intention of going anywhere."

---

Loving

A few months later, Buffy and Spike lay curled up on his couch.  Spike's hands trailed lazily over her abdomen as she rested her back against his chest.  He listened, smiling slightly, at the soft sounds emitting from her. He could almost swear that she was purring, and knowing that he was the one to give her such contentment made him happier than he had ever been.

He thought back over the course of the last few months. They had become much closer, spending almost all of their free time together.  Buffy had become more special to him than he could have imagined.  She had started college a few weeks ago, and they were practically living together, not letting her mother catch on that she was spending most of her time at his apartment.

Spike felt his grip tighten on her as a feeling of insecurity washed over him.  Ever since she had started at UCSunnydale, Spike had been worried that he was going to lose her.  That some preppy college guy would come along and sweep her off her feet.  He was pleased, but not necessarily surprised, when he had witnessed several men approach her after class or on her way to meet him, and she had politely declined any offers.  He knew that he could trust her, just as she knew she could trust him.

And yet, the insecurity remained.  Spike was constantly feeling like he wasn't good enough for Buffy, that she deserved someone better, so he had held back from telling her exactly how much he cared for her.  Now, as she rested comfortably in his arms, he felt the emotions wash over him in waves as he looked down at her beautiful face.

Buffy finally rolled over to face him with a smile on her face.  "Okay, mister.  You've been staring at me for a good twenty minutes, so what's the what?"

Spike smiled down at the woman in his arms. "Just thinking, pet.  That's all."

"About what?"

"How much I love you."

The words were out of his mouth before he could even think about what he'd said.  As Spike stared into her emerald eyes and felt like he was getting lost in them, he suddenly felt a brief sense of fear.  It was quickly replaced when he saw the blinding smile that lit up her face.

"You really mean that?"

"Of course I do, luv."

Buffy squealed and fused her lips to his, her hands winding behind his neck to pull him closer, deepening the kiss.  Their tongues battled as the passion ignited between them.  After a few moments, both pulled away, breathless, and looked into the other's eyes.

"I love you, too," Buffy said as she gently traced the angular features of his face.  She smiled at the astonished look he gave her.

"You do?"

"Of course I do, silly," Buffy said with a playful slap to his chest.  "I wouldn't have said it if it wasn't true."

It was Spike's turn to pull her to him.  He frantically kissed her, his hands moving over the curves of her body as he tried to get closer to her.  Buffy moaned at the intensity of the moment and returned the kiss with equal fervor, pushing her body into his.

Before either of them knew what was happening, Buffy was laying beneath him as he pushed into her body.  Panting as she arched into him, she moaned as he hurriedly sped up his thrusts.  She could already feel herself begin to lose control as his hand wrapped around her waist to pull her even closer to him.

Buffy gasped as he changed positions on her, angling himself upward, hitting that elusive spot inside of her.  Buffy gasped at her sudden climax, screaming out her release as she felt the pleasure sweep over her.

Spike panted as Buffy's inner muscles tightened around him, nearly letting out a growl as he felt his own orgasm overtake him.

As the two lovers laid intertwined in each other's arms, Spike leaned over to kiss her softly.  "I love you, Goldilocks."

Buffy smiled at the new nickname. "I love you, too."

---

Letting Go - 1 Year Later

Buffy grasped Spike's hand in a forceful grip as she watched her mother's coffin lowered into the ground. Spike felt the emotions weighing him down as he tried to remain strong for her. He knew the feelings that were coursing through Buffy, having experienced them years earlier when his own mother died. He was becoming increasingly worried about his girlfriend, since she had yet to cry in the few days that had passed since she came across her mother's body.

Now, as she stared down at the ground with an impassive look on her face, Spike felt his heart go out to her, wishing there was more he could do besides hold her hand. Everyone else said good-bye and left the couple alone. Spike stayed quiet for over an hour as he offered his support. As the sun set on the cemetery, he gently wrapped an arm around her shoulders, trying to keep her warm against the chilly September air.

"We should probably go, luv," he whispered softly into her ear. He watched as she tightened her lips slightly before nodding in agreement. "Do you want to be alone for a minute, pet?"

Buffy nodded again as he gave her a gentle kiss on the temple and walked away to stand next to a nearby tree and wait for her. He could only see her back as she stayed where she was, but he could hear the gentle murmurs of her talking. After a few minutes, she turned and made her way over to Spike, silently taking his hand and walking out of the cemetery with him.

"I should have been there, Spike," he heard her whisper.

"There's nothing you could have done, luv."

"You don't know that," she said in a strained voice. "You don't know if she was in pain, if she needed help."

"Buffy, she's been battling a tumor for the last six months. The doctors said that it was quick, painless."

"How do they know?" she yelled as they got to the front gates. "They weren't there!"

Spike stayed quiet through the outburst, satisfied that she was no longer showing her despondent attitude.

"What am I going to do, Spike?"

His heart broke at the tone of her voice, sounding like a lost little girl. Reaching out, he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight, running his fingers through her hair as she clutched at his shirt.

"You'll figure it out, baby," he replied softly. "You're not alone in this. You have your friends and my dad. And you have me."

Spike kissed the top of her head, staying where he was as he closed his eyes against the tears that were fighting to overcome him. He breathed a small sigh as he felt moisture soak through his shirt and heard the tiny sobs coming from the woman in his arms. Buffy had matured more in the past twenty-four hours than she had in the past year, and Spike felt relief course through him that she was finally letting go.

He held her, stroking her hair, as she cried. As darkness closed in on them, Buffy slowly pulled away and looked up at her boyfriend. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me, luv. That's what I'm here for," Spike said, tenderly kissing her forehead.

"I don't want to go home tonight, Spike. I-I can't be there right now."

Spike nodded in understanding. "Right then. My place it is." Wrapping a secure arm around her waist, Spike led her out of the cemetery to his car.

---

Buffy moaned as the pleasure washed over her, enveloping her cold heart and warming it as Spike moved on top of her.

After getting back to his place, she had proceeded to lead him to his bedroom, asking if he could do this for her. Spike had taken one look in her large, watery eyes and melted, instantly knowing that she needed to forget about this awful day, if only for a little while.

Spike gasped for air as he rolled off of Buffy, pulling her into his arms and tenderly caressing her bare skin as they both savored the calmness that seemed to surround them. "Go to sleep, baby," he whispered softly in her ear. "It's been a long day."

Buffy mumbled something in reply that Spike didn't understand seconds before she drifted off to sleep.

Spike stayed awake, watching her as she slept. He gently trailed his hand over the smooth expanse of her back as he stared at her peaceful face. He was happy she'd been able to get to sleep, knowing that the next few weeks were going to be hard on her.

They had tried to find her father, but it seemed Hank Summers was in Europe with his secretary and could not be bothered with his only child. Spike knew that it had hurt Buffy more than she was willing to admit, not having her father there. Even if he was a deadbeat.

Spike was worried about Buffy. When his mother had been killed by a mugger years ago, he had at least had a supportive father who had helped him work threw his grief. Spike was worried that he didn't have what it took to get Buffy through this. With a sigh, he decided not to worry about anything tonight, instead giving a last kiss to Buffy's forehead and drifting off to sleep.

---

In Pain - 4 Months Later

Spike sat at his kitchen table with his head in his hands. Several bottles of beer littered the surface in front of him as he stared at the phone. The past few months had been stressful, at best. Buffy had become withdrawn and distant, repeatedly shutting him out of her life. She had used the excuse of schoolwork until Christmas break had rolled around. They had spent the holidays together, joining Giles for dinner and exchanging presents, and then Buffy had seemed to disappear for a week. On New Year's Eve, they met at the Bronze, though not together, and barely even shared a kiss as the clock struck midnight . Spike felt her rapidly slipping away and was powerless to stop it.

Now, not even a week later, he drunkenly sat with his cordless phone, hitting redial every five minutes, trying to get her to come to the phone. After the twentieth call, give or take, Spike grew angry. Jumping up from his position, he grabbed his duster and left the apartment, slamming the door on his way out.

Half an hour later, he was striding up the path to Buffy's house. Knowing she was home and also knowing a confrontation would not be a good thing in the state he was in, Spike raised a hand and banged on the door.

'At least I had enough sense to not drive,' he thought as he heard the lock click and the door open.

Setting eyes on his girlfriend, he felt rage flood through his body. "Where the bloody hell have you been?!"

Buffy visibly shrank away from the door as he yelled at her. He had never raised his voice when he was around her, and she could smell the alcohol radiating from him as he stepped over the threshold and slammed the door with so much force she thought the glass panes might shatter. At the look in his eyes, Buffy took another step away from him. She knew that she'd been blowing him off, and she owed him an explanation, but looking at the rigid stance he had taken, she decided now was not the best time for a reasonable talk.

"Spike, let me make you some coffee," she said in a soothing tone.

"I don't want your soddin' coffee, Summers! I want to know what your bloody problem is!"

"I'm sorry, Spike," she whispered, looking into his bloodshot eyes. She couldn't say anything more than that because she had no good excuse. There wasn't anyone else, there wasn't a valid reason. Buffy knew that she had all the signs of depression, but she was even unsure about that. If she was depressed, would she be able to realize that she was depressed? These thoughts plagued her constantly, and she had knowingly withdrawn from the one person who she knew would care for her. She knew if he realized something was wrong, he would want to fix it, and she didn't even think it could be fixed.

Spike stared into her eyes for a solid minute, as if he was trying to read what was going on inside of her. "You don't love me."

Buffy stared in shock as he uttered the words that had never crossed her mind. "Spike, of course I do."

"Then why?"

"I don't know," she whispered, quietly looking at the floor.

"Do you still want to be with me, Buffy?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Spike, please don't ask me this, right now."

"Then why don't I make it real easy for you, Summers?"

Buffy's head snapped up at the icy tone of his voice, her mouth dropping open as he headed for the door.

"Spike, where are you going?" Buffy cried as she chased him to the door, grabbing his sleeve. She cowered as he forcefully jerked his arm away from her grasp, noticing a slight softening in his features for frightening her, only to put the cold mask back in place.

"I'm leaving," he said, pulling the door open. "We're over, Buffy."

Buffy felt tears spring to her eyes as he walked out the door. Running to catch up with him, Buffy chased him down the driveway to the street. "Spike, don't leave like this! You don't mean it…it's just the alcohol talking."

"No!" he yelled, whirling around to face her. "This is me, Buffy. You're trying to cut me out of your life? Well, I'm making it real simple for you."

Without another word, Spike turned and headed down the street, leaving Buffy with tears streaming down her face as she stared after him. She tried to calm herself as he turned the corner, telling herself he would call when he sobered up, but she couldn't stop the sob that escaped her throat.

"We'll work this out," she said to herself as she walked back to the house, trying her hardest to sound convincing. So why did she have the feeling that he meant what he said? And why did she feel like she deserved it?

---

Avoidance

With trepidation, Buffy walked into the Magic Box on Saturday.  She had called in sick for the past week, partly because she couldn't bear the thought of seeing Spike since he hadn't called, and partly because she was feeling sick at the idea of seeing him again.  Willow had dropped by in the supportive, best friend role and told her that Spike had been working but was quieter than usual.

Now, as Buffy walked through the door of the Magic Box, she felt a wave of anxiety wash over her as she surveyed the store.  Giles looked up from his spot at the cash register and smiled as he saw Buffy walking toward him.

"Buffy, you're feeling better, I presume?"

Buffy gave a light shrug, still looking around the store.

"He isn't here, Buffy."

Her head snapped up to meet Giles' concerned eyes.  "You know?"

He nodded as he gave a sympathetic smile to the young girl.  "He asked to be put on opposite shifts."

Buffy felt her breath catch and had to fight the urge not to retch as she heard what he said.

'So it's really over,' she thought miserably as she turned away from the man in front of her.  'He really doesn't want to see me anymore and it's all my fault.'

Buffy quickly made her way to the office to clock in.  Closing the door behind her, she felt tears threaten to spill over.  Hearing a knock on the door, Buffy turned and once again faced Giles' sympathetic face as he entered.

"Buffy…may I ask what went wrong?"

"Me," she whispered in a choked voice as she looked at the floor.  "It was me.  I, um, I've been ignoring him…blowing him off, for the last few months. I didn't want him to be depressed by my mood swings, so I thought it was best that he not be around me.  Guess I got my wish, huh?" she asked with a regretful smile.

Giles didn't say anything, merely stepped over to her and gave her a hug.  Buffy fought tears again as a man who was closer to her than her own father offered comfort.

Pulling away, Giles looked down at her. "Buffy, would you like me to talk to William?"

Buffy shook her head.  "No…thank you, but no.  I dug my own way in this mess.  I deserve whatever I get."

"Buffy, that's not true.  You-"

Giles cut himself off as Anya Jenkins swept through to clock in.

"Hello, Giles," she said cheerfully as she passed him.  "Oh, Buffy, you're back.  You look like death.  Are you getting enough sleep?  Or sex?  You know, people take for granted the wonders of what a sexual relationship can do for your appearance.  Don't you agree Giles?  Giles?"

Buffy suppressed a smile as Anya turned to the place Giles had been standing.  "I think he slipped out at the first mention of sex."

"Such a shame," Anya said with a shake of her head.  "You know, I don't think he's getting any these days, either."

Anya quickly clocked in and started for the door again. "I hope you clocked in, Buffy.  Money is another thing that does wonders for your appearance.  Only it's for the monetary value of clothes and skin care products that you can purchase…"

Buffy tuned out Anya's rambling as they headed back out into the store.  Excusing herself, Buffy walked to the back of the store and began straightening some of the objects back there, her mind preoccupied with thoughts of Spike.  She felt miserable at the thought of him not even wanting to be in the same area with her for prolonged amounts of time.

"You really screwed this up, Buff," she muttered to herself.

---

The hours dragged on as Buffy looked at the clock.

"Buffy."

Buffy turned as Giles called her name.

"It's close enough to three o'clock. Why don't you go on and head home?"

Buffy gave a brief nod as she went and gathered her coat.  Saying good-bye to Giles and waving to Anya, Buffy decided to go out the back door.  If Spike didn't want to see her, she may as well make it easier on him.  Adjusting her coat, Buffy stepped through and closed the door at the same moment the main door opened.

Spike looked around the shop, hoping and dreading that he might run into Buffy.

"She's not here."

Spike jumped at the sound of Anya's voice to his right.  "Who's that, luv?"

"Buffy.  Don't play dumb with me, Spike.  I know you're looking for her, just like I know you're the reason she was Miss Gloomy-Gus all day long."

"So she was here?"

"Just left," Anya said as she dusted the various items on the front table.  "Went out the back. Guess she knew you didn't want to see her."

Spike felt a stab of remorse for obviously adding to Buffy's misery.  "She said that?"

"No.  Didn't say much of anything really.  Just did her work and went home.  She's not looking well these days."

Spike looked down at the floor, trying not to feel any more guilt than he already did.  "But she's okay, right?  I mean, she didn't look…bad?"

"Spike, it's Buffy.  She couldn't look bad any more than I could."

Spike had to smile at that.

"But she's not happy, if that's what you're asking.  She didn't even listen to my stories of the wonderful orgasms that Xander gave me last night.  You know, considering we've only been together for a year, we have amazing sexual chemistry, as if we've been together for years."

"Uh, right.  Well…I better get to work," Spike said, darting across the store to the office and out of the line of fire that was Anya's mouth.

"What is with people today?" Anya asked herself.

 

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