"Whispers in the Dark"
Author: Ashlee
Contact: ashlee_999@hotmail.com
Notes: Out of my canon/semi-canon fics, this one is slowly becoming my favorite, so please review and let me know what you think. This is set early season 5- Pre-Dawn.
Whispers and Screams
Idly propping herself up on one of the headstones, Buffy looked around the cemetery with a bored expression. She had been patrolling for two hours and hadn't seen a single vampire.
"Vampires," she called softly, pouting when none showed up. "That's it," she muttered to herself. "There's nothing evil out here, I'm going home."
Tucking her stake away, Buffy eagerly headed in the direction of her house. Rounding the corner of a mausoleum, she felt her forehead connect with something, sending stars shooting in front of her eyes.
"Bloody hell, Slayer!" Spike yelled, clutching his nose as Buffy rubbed her head.
"Speaking of nothing evil," she muttered.
"Hey!" Spike cried indignantly. "And why don't you watch where you're soddin' going next time!"
"Me?" she asked incredulously. "You're the one with the vamp senses. Shouldn't you have known a Slayer was nearby?"
Spike clenched his jaw as his eyes rolled upward. "So I'm supposed to avoid my own home just because you don't have a sense of direction?"
Buffy tightened her lips. "Just go away, Spike."
"Why should I?" he asked with a smirk, turning around to follow her as she began to walk away. "When it seems to annoy you so much that I'm here."
"Do you want me to use this?" she asked, pulling the stake out of the waistband of her pants.
Spike merely chuckled at her. "Yeah, because that's been so efficient in the past?"
"I seem to remember staking you a year ago," she countered, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow.
"I seem to remember letting you," he said with that annoyingly handsome smirk of his.
"Is that a fact?"
"Remember? It tickled…in a good way," he said, his voice dropping as he took a step toward her.
Buffy suppressed a shiver from running down her spine at his close proximity and quickly backed away. "I'm going home," she muttered, deciding it wasn't worth it to get involved in this pointless argument.
"No you're not."
Buffy's brow furrowed. "What?"
"I just figured you'd want to take care of the demon behind you."
She quickly whirled around, making a face at the ugly greenish-brown demon that was running at them. Bracing herself, Buffy grunted when it collided with her, throwing her to the ground before she flipped them, punching it in the face.
She was shocked when she felt herself propelled into the air, her back connecting with a nearby tree.
Grimacing as she pushed herself back into a standing position, Buffy was relieved to see Spike getting in a few hits before he was also thrown into the air.
Sprinting toward the demon, Buffy ducked as its claws swiped at her, landing a sharp kick to its ribs. Straightening once more, she was about to hit the demon again when she felt a sharp pain run through her arm. Catching her off guard, she closed her eyes trying to block it out when the demon landed a powerful blow to her jaw, nearly rendering her unconscious as she fell to the ground.
Gasping for breath, she protectively curled herself into a ball, unsure of what was happening to her. She could vaguely hear Spike in the distance, fighting the demon.
"Slayer?"
His voice traveled toward her, sounding as if it was a whisper.
Pushing herself up to brace her weight on her hands, Buffy willed her eyes to focus and was surprised to see the demon running away.
Spike sighed, deciding it wasn't worth it to chase him. He slowly walked over to Buffy, offering her a hand and pulling her to her feet.
"What happened, Slayer?"
"What?"
Spike raised an eyebrow, looking into her eyes. "What happened?" he repeated, pronouncing each word.
Buffy saw Spike's lips moving, seconds before a piercing scream echoed through her head. Her hands immediately went to her ears as she tried to recoil from the shrill sound.
"Spike, what is that?" she yelled.
"What's what?" Spike asked, looking at her as if she'd lost her mind.
Buffy couldn't hear him. The shrieks that were reverberating through her body were painful. "What's happening?" she asked weakly when the sound diminished.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Spike said in confusion, looking around and hoping for an answer to appear in front of him.
"Spike?"
His eyes returned to hers, his brow furrowed as she looked at him. "Slayer?"
"Spike…I-I can't hear you," she murmured, seconds before she collapsed against him.
Spike quickly caught the young woman in his arms, frowning when her eyes rolled shut. Lowering her to the ground, he began shaking her slightly. "Come on, Summers," he muttered. "Open your eyes."
He could detect her heart beating rapidly in her chest.
"Bloody hell," he muttered, swinging her into his arms. "Your mates would stake me good and proper if I left you here."
Deciding the best place to take her would be her Watcher's, Spike hurried in the direction.
Giles could have sworn he had a stroke when he opened the door to reveal Spike holding the seemingly lifeless body of the Slayer in his arms.
Staking him occurred to the older man for a brief moment before he realized that Spike hadn't hurt Buffy. If he did, he surely wouldn't have been stupid enough to show up on her Watcher's doorstep.
"What happened?" he asked, checking Buffy's pulse as Spike lay her on the couch.
"We got attacked. I think it was a Tacora demon. I've never seen one personally…didn't even know they were on this side of the world, but that's what it looked like."
"How did this happen?" Giles asked.
"I don't know," Spike said, shaking his head. "It only threw her once. Did the same thing to me and I was fine."
"You're a vampire, Spike."
"Thanks for the memo."
"What I mean is, things obviously could affect you differently."
"Yeah, well…it got in one good hit and she went down. She seemed a little dazed but fine. Then she started asking me what that sound was."
"What sound?"
"That's what I'd like to know," Spike replied. "I couldn't hear a thing, and my hearing is a little more advanced than hers. She acted like she couldn't hear me and then…"
Spike trailed off, gesturing to her currently passed out status.
"She couldn't hear you?"
"Apparently not," Spike said, walking for the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I've done my part," Spike said, lighting a cigarette before opening the door. "Saved the little girl from the baddie, and I didn't even leave her when she passed out. I'm thinking my work is done for the night."
Giles didn't have a chance to reply as Spike walked out the door. For a soulless vampire, he really had gone above and beyond what was expected of him…not that Giles would ever tell him that.
Five minutes later, Buffy moaned as she drifted back to consciousness. Opening her eyes, Giles waited until she had focused on him with a puzzled expression.
"Giles?"
Buffy frowned, clearing her throat when she couldn't hear her own voice.
"Giles?" she tried again.
His eyes widened when he realized she couldn't hear her own words. She couldn't hear a thing.
Looking for Answers
"Giles?" Buffy asked for the third time, looking at her Watcher before gesturing for something to write with.
Giles didn't have the heart to let her know that he could hear her as he walked over to his desk. Returning after a moment, he handed her some paper and a pen.
'Gentlemen?'
He closed his eyes at the written question, unable to look at the hope in her eyes that the Gentlemen had stolen the town's voices again. Taking a deep breath, Giles shook his head.
"Buffy," he started, sighing when she studied his lips carefully, her brow furrowed in concentration. Giles realized this would be easier if he could get this out without any confusion. Slowly leaning forward, he took the paper and pen from her and quickly scrawled something underneath the note.
Holding her breath, Buffy read the question.
'Do you remember fighting a demon?'
Buffy nodded hesitantly, unsure of what was happening and where Giles was going with this.
'Do you remember what happened?'
Buffy thought for a moment before her eyes widened. She frantically gestured to her head, covering her ears, shaking her head back and forth. It took only a matter of seconds before she seemed to realize what happened. Giles watched as she began to withdraw into herself.
Gasping for air, Buffy shook her head in disbelief, sinking into the back of the couch.
"You can hear me?" she asked, tearing up when Giles nodded.
Buffy jumped up from the couch, pacing the room and trying to keep her tears from spilling over as she worried her bottom lip.
'This can't be happening,' she thought, running her hands through her hair, trying to do anything to keep her mind occupied. Shaking her head back and forth as if she was trying to expel her thoughts…or trying to get her hearing back.
"How is this possible?" she asked, finally turning back to Giles, who was already flipping through his books, wanting to give her an answer to that very question.
"I'm trying to find out," he replied, making sure to look directly at Buffy and speak slowly so she could read his lips.
Buffy studied him carefully, nodding when she comprehended what he said.
"B-but we can fix it, right?" she asked with the apprehension clear in her voice. "I-I mean…it's only temporary?"
"I don't know," Giles said, never looking up.
Buffy didn't need to read his lips or even look at him to know what he said. She thought back to the fight, remembering a particularly brutal punch to the face. Reaching up and gently running a hand over her tender cheek, she cringed in pain. It was already beginning to swell, and Slayers weren't supposed to swell. They bleed, they get broken bones, but they don't swell.
Nearly collapsing onto the couch, Buffy looked at her Watcher, a heartbreaking expression marring her features. "How can I be the Slayer if I'm deaf?" she asked in a whisper. "I won't know if something is behind me, I won't…"
She trailed off in a choked sob as Giles looked at her with tears in his eyes. 'She's going to need someone strong enough to help her.'
Spike poured himself a tall glass of blood before mixing in some burba weed. Staring into the crimson liquid, his mind wandered as he took a long swallow. He couldn't help but wonder how the Slayer was doing.
"Why do I care about her?" he muttered to himself, confused.
Nevertheless, his thoughts continued to drift to the blonde girl, genuinely perplexed by what happened tonight. It wasn't exactly a normal occurrence for the Slayer to lose one of her senses. He'd never heard of anything like it, and he'd been around for over a century.
Sitting down in his chair, Spike didn't even bother to turn on his TV. 'What does it mean when the girl who needs each one of her senses to work in the highest capacity doesn't have that anymore?' Spike wondered, running his teeth along his bottom lip and staring at the back wall of his crypt.
"There it is!" Giles yelled excitedly.
Buffy looked up, unable to hear him, of course, but seeing that he had leapt from his chair in excitement. She waited anxiously, being unusually quiet for a change as Giles read the passage in his book.
The frown on his face did not serve to dissuade Buffy from any of her fears. Giles tossed the book on the coffee table before taking his glasses off and frantically cleaning them.
Hesitantly picking up the book, Buffy decided it would be easier to read for herself than trying to interpret whatever Giles would have communicated to her.
'Tacora demon- preternaturally strong- intelligent'
Buffy continued to read, not seeing anything that would be helpful. The demon didn't have venom that could cause an unusual reaction. Nothing that explained what was happening to her.
Slamming the book shut, Buffy threw it across the room. She didn't know if it hit anything, since she was swimming in a sea of nothing. Dropping her head into her hands, she breathed deeply, trying to ward off the tears that were threatening to spill over.
Feeling a gentle touch to her shoulder, Buffy looked up into Giles' kind eyes as he sat down across from her.
"I think," he began slowly. "I think when the demon hit you…it must have been powerful enough to make you lose your hearing."
The miserable look on the young woman's face almost had him in tears, as well. It wasn't much of an explanation, but it was the only one he had.
Buffy knew that she had someone sitting less than two feet away, but she'd never felt so alone in her life. "How am I going to get through this? How can I…"
She trailed off as Giles' mind wandered. He would have to be very careful in how he arranged his plan.
Making a Deal
Spike was pouring himself a glass of blood when he heard the door to his crypt open. Inhaling sharply, he didn't bother to turn around as he identified the unannounced visitor.
"What do you need, Watcher?" he asked, taking a long swallow of blood.
Giles was slightly taken aback that Spike knew it was him before he remembered he was dealing with a vampire.
The blonde turned around with a raised eyebrow, staring at the other man. "Spit it out, Rupert, I don't have all day."
Giles looked outside at the sun brightly shining in the sky and had to smile. "I think you do."
"Alright, but that doesn't mean I want the pleasure of your company. 'Passions' is on in five, so tell me what brings you to my humble home?"
"Buffy."
Spike was instantly concentrating on the conversation, although not letting Giles know that. He didn't bother to think about why anything involving the Slayer would cause him to be this focused- he just knew that he'd been more worried about her than he should have been.
"How's the Slayer doing?" he asked, taking another drink, pretending to act indifferent toward the situation. It had been a week since the incident in the graveyard, and Spike hadn't seen the Slayer since.
"She's deaf," Giles answered simply, watching as Spike stared into his glass, showing no emotion to the news.
"Permanent?"
"It would appear to be."
Spike nodded, never looking up. "How's she handling it?"
"About as well as can be expected," Giles replied. "She's becoming quite capable of reading lips, but it's obviously very frustrating for her."
"Got to be a hell of a problem when she's slaying," he murmured, never making eye contact with the other man.
"That's actually why I'm here," Giles replied.
Spike took a deep breath, walking over to a coffin and jumping onto it with ease, letting one of his legs kick against the side as they studied each other.
"Well…are you going to stand there and stare at me all day, or am I supposed to guess why you came here?"
"I think you already know."
"Humor me."
"I want you to help, Buffy."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"And may I ask why you're not willing to help her?"
"How long do you have?" Spike asked, tilting his head and setting his mouth in a hard line. "It's bad enough I have to help your little Scooby gang whenever there's a big evil brewing, but now you're wanting me to go on nightly patrols with the Slayer? I don't have a death wish, Rupert," he finished, spitting out the name.
"You honestly think that if something comes after you for helping out the Slayer, you couldn't handle yourself in a fight?"
"Of course I could," Spike said with a scoff, realizing too late that he'd walked right into the trap. "You're going to have to do better than that."
"How much is this going to cost me?"
A slow smile spread across Spike's face as he bit his lip, thinking of an estimate.
"Two hundred a week."
Spike would have gone higher, but he really only had the need for blood and smokes and two hundred was more than enough. He watched as Giles seemed to be contemplating the request.
"One fifty," Giles replied after a minute as Spike smiled and shook his head.
"Come now, Watcher, I know you just bought yourself a pretty new shop."
"Exactly. I don't have the funds to be paying a vampire an extra two hundred dollars a week."
"So your Slayer's life isn't worth two hundred, but it is worth one fifty?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow, studying the other man carefully, knowing that Buffy was his weakness.
"Fine," Giles replied in a resigned voice. How could he put a price on his Slayer? "Two hundred a week and Buffy must stay alive. If she dies, you die a slow, painful death."
Spike felt a small amount of fear go through him as Ripper seemed to make a rare appearance. "Fine," he muttered. "When does the Slayer want to start?"
"Well…she doesn't know about this."
"What?" Spike asked, his brow furrowed.
"And she's not going to," Giles continued. "It's going to be hard enough to convince her to work with you, but if she knew you were only doing it because you were getting paid, there's no way she would agree to it."
Spike sighed, rolling his eyes before he spoke. "You're expecting her to think I'm just helping her out of the evilness of my heart?"
"No, I'm expecting her to think that if you work with her in return for a certain amount of protection, she'll be a little more agreeable."
"Bloody hell! I don't need the Slayer protecting me like I'm some fledgling who doesn't know how to work his fangs!"
"She doesn't know that."
Spike sighed, clenching his jaw. "She should," he muttered, seeing the look that Giles was giving him. "Fine. She won't know about the money. I'll keep my end of the bargain and you keep yours. Everyone goes home happy. When do we start?"
"Spike's really going to help her?" Willow asked as she exchanged a look with Tara. They were helping Giles set up a display in the Magic Box when he broached the subject.
"I-I think it's a good idea," Tara said with a soft smile.
"I felt he could help her in ways that we can't," Giles replied. "But Buffy must not know that he's being paid."
"Yeah," Willow agreed with a nod. "That's understandable. She'd never trust him."
"I'm not sure if she'll trust him now," Giles said with a shake of his head. "I don't even know if she should trust him, but I do feel Spike will protect her. If, for no other reason, to keep himself alive. And we are the only ones that know of this arrangement," he continued, giving both girls a stern look. "Xander will have enough problems when he finds out, and I don't think Anya knows how to keep a secret."
"It's okay, Giles," Willow said with a smile. "You did the right thing. When do they start?"
"Buffy is supposed to be here tonight. I asked Spike to drop by later…maybe they can at least attempt to work together."
Pretending
Walking toward the Magic Box, Buffy kept a careful eye on her surroundings. It had only been a week, and already she felt as if everything that she walked by held some unknowing creature that was waiting for her. Living in Sunnydale, this wasn't an uncommon fear, but being the Slayer, Buffy wasn't supposed to be this skittish.
'It feels like I'm a five year old afraid of the boogeyman,' she thought, kicking a rock as she walked.
Her heart felt as if it was sinking in her chest when she saw the shop come into view.
'Time to pretend like everything's okay,' she thought bitterly as she pushed open the door. She could see everyone crowding around the table look up when she walked through the door. Riley wasn't there yet, and Buffy felt a little guilty that she was relieved. He played the supportive boyfriend role, but it almost seemed like he was relieved that Buffy was more dependent on other people…especially him.
Buffy saw some of her friends wave and other's say 'hi'. Obviously, they were forgetting that she couldn't hear them as they ducked their heads and offered a wave instead. Buffy sighed. She actually preferred them trying to talk to her, even if she couldn't hear them. As long as they looked directly at her, she was finding it easier to read lips, but most, especially Xander, apparently thought that making strange gesticulations with their hands was easier to understand.
Buffy gave them a timid smile before dropping into a chair and watching Giles, wondering if he was ready to begin. He closed the door of the back room, wiping his hands as he approached the table.
"Hello, Buffy."
Buffy smiled in response- her Watcher's kind eyes never failed to put her at ease.
"What's going on tonight?" she asked, feeling uneasy when everyone's eyes turned to her. As the Slayer, Buffy was used to being the one everyone turned to, but now it seemed as if their eyes were on her out of surprise that she had spoken or pity when they remembered her condition.
"Do you not want to wait for Riley?"
Buffy shook her head, getting the gist of what Giles was saying. "He can get caught up. He knew what time to be here."
She knew she sounded bitter, even though she couldn't hear her own voice, but it was hard not to.
"Very well," Giles replied, speaking in clear and concise words, even more articulated than usual as he made sure Buffy could see him at all times. "I've asked you all here tonight because I think Buffy needs help."
Buffy's eyes widened as she tried to interpret what Giles was going to tell her. "You mean…you think there's a cure?" she asked hopefully, biting her lip as she waited for him to answer. Her heart felt like it was breaking all over again when she saw him shake his head.
"I'm sorry, no," Giles replied with sad eyes. "I mean help with patrolling."
"Giles, I can't patrol," Buffy said, already feeling the panic build up inside of her and hating the feeling of uncertainty. Slaying was supposed to be the one thing she knew how to do, and that had been stripped away.
"You can," Giles insisted. "With some help."
"What kind of help?" Buffy asked warily.
As if on cue, the door to the Magic Box opened and Spike walked through with his leather duster billowing behind him. Everyone turned to look at him, and Buffy cursed herself for taking the seat that had her back to the door. She quickly turned, her mouth dropping open when she saw the blonde vampire.
"No," she said, shaking her head. "No way…there's no way!" she cried, jumping up and walking over to Giles. "You expect him to help me? I'm sure he'll help…help one of his little vampire friends sink their teeth into my neck when I least expect it."
"Buffy-"
Before Giles could finish, Buffy felt her arm seized in a strong grip, spinning her around. Spike looked directly in her eyes, never leaving her gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy was vaguely aware that Xander was moving and saying something, but her eyes were focused on the man in front of her.
"You help me…I help you," Spike said, watching as Buffy's eyes darted down to his lips, studying them for a moment.
"Why?" she asked skeptically.
"Because I don't really fancy trying to break in a new Slayer," Spike replied with a smirk.
Buffy was surprised that she was able to understand him so easily, but she was more surprised when she smiled at the comment. She realized that she hadn't smiled in a week, and her face almost hurt with the effort.
"Come on…let's get in a workout."
Buffy nodded, feeling relief course through her. It seemed like all of her friends were always walking on eggshells around her, and it was a nice break to have someone treat her like it was a regular night.
Turning around to walk to the back, Buffy saw Giles and Xander were apparently in a heated discussion and didn't notice when she slipped away. Walking into the back room, Buffy could sense when the door closed behind them and was taken by surprise when she found herself on the ground.
Quickly rolling over, she looked at Spike in confusion. His eyes were serious as he spoke, "You gotta be ready, Slayer."
Taking a deep breath, Buffy nodded, jumping to her feet and focusing on the vampire as they circled each other. She ducked a punch and frowned when the chip didn't fire.
"No intent," Spike said, reading the look in her eyes.
Buffy was confused that they seemed to be communicating with such ease. She hardly even needed to watch his lips- she could almost look into his eyes and understand what he was saying to her.
Spike shrugged out of his duster and threw it over the pommel horse before turning his attention back to her. He saw the confusion in her eyes and knew that this was new territory for her. He was definitely going to have tread lightly since he wasn't sure what was going through her mind.
The two began sparring, and Buffy found herself relaxing in spite of the situation. Her mind kept flashing back to the past few years when she and Spike had really been fighting with the intent to kill. It was definitely more dangerous than the situation was now, but it was something familiar. It was a time when she knew who she was and what she could handle. There was never a question in her mind that she could face whatever was coming next…not like now.
Competition
Buffy sat on the floor with a water bottle in her hand, leaning against the door and watching Spike carefully as he sat across from her. He seemed to be studying her as she rested from the vigorous training session. They had been sparring for a good twenty minutes with only one interruption when Giles had come in to check on them before Spike suggested that they take a break, seeing that the young woman was getting a little winded.
"How are you holding up, Slayer?" Spike asked, his eyes showing true concern as he looked at her.
Buffy shrugged, looking at the water bottle as she swirled the liquid around, watching as it lapped at the plastic. "I've been better," she replied with a soft smile.
Buffy was constantly reminding herself that she was sitting with Spike- notorious Slayer of Slayers and that he wasn't a member of the Scoobies, eagerly wondering how she was. She didn't know why he cared how she was doing, but she couldn't stop herself from feeling happy that he did.
Buffy looked up to see Spike's eyes still studying her carefully. With a sigh, she gave him the answer he was looking for. "Some days are harder than others."
They sat in silence for another moment before Buffy spoke again.
"Where are the snide remarks tonight?" she asked quietly, looking at him through her lashes, almost fearing his answer.
"Not as much fun if you can't hear them," he said with a smile.
Buffy had to smile, shaking her head as she bit her lip. "Leave it to a vampire to not 'tread lightly' around me."
"You don't need someone to tread lightly, Slayer," Spike replied, tilting his head to look at her. "You need someone to remind you who you are."
"Who I was, you mean."
"No," Spike said, shaking his head, making sure she was looking directly into his eyes. "I mean who you are."
The two blondes stared at each other for a long moment, each feeling the connection that was passing between them.
"Your turn," Spike said after a minute.
"For what?"
"I expected you to throw a fit when I walked in and you didn't…much. Why not?"
"Because I knew you wouldn't treat me like I was glass," Buffy replied with a shrug. "Maybe that's what I need."
Spike was about to respond when he heard raised voices in the next room. Tilting his head toward the wall, he listened for a minute before rolling his eyes. "Bloody hell." Looking back at the Slayer, he saw her confused look as her brows furrowed. "Riley," he said, clarifying it for her.
Spike frowned when she immediately seemed to shutdown. There was no sign of the Slayer or even Buffy anymore- now she was back to being the meek little girl who had to depend on everyone else.
"Slayer-"
Spike was soon cut off when the door of the training room flew open. He was immediately on his feet as the teutonic boy-toy walked in.
"I'll take it from here, Spike," Riley said, his voice dripping with hostility as he looked at the vampire.
"I don't think so, mate."
"Get away from my girlfriend."
Buffy watched the display before jumping to her feet and stepping in between the two men. She wasn't sure if she was ready to admit it, but she was worried that Spike might be getting into something he couldn't handle with the chip in his head. Considering he was the only one to make her feel like her old self, she wasn't about to give up that feeling. At this point, she didn't care if it was a vampire who was giving it to her.
"I think you might want to talk to the Watcher," Spike said, knowing that Buffy was watching the conversation and trying to comprehend as much as she could.
"I don't need to talk to anyone," Riley said in such a soft tone that even Spike's vampiric hearing had trouble picking it up. He was also turned in a way that Buffy couldn't see him, and Spike could see the frustrated look on her face.
"Ohhh," he said in a drawl as a slow smile spread across his face. "You don't care that Giles wants me to help the Slayer?" he asked in a loud voice, delighting in the fact that Riley's eyes nearly doubled in size. "You'd rather risk putting your girl in danger than have some evil, soulless creature helping her?"
Buffy looked over at Riley, her mouth dropping open slightly before she saw a movement out of the corner of her eye. Turning to see Giles in the doorway, she clenched her hands into fists as the three men seemed to get into a more heated argument. It appeared that it was Spike and Giles versus Riley and that thought alone was enough to confuse her. Buffy tried to keep up as best she could and noticed that Spike, unlike Riley, stayed turned toward her the entire time so that she could see what he was saying.
"That's enough!" she finally yelled in frustration, watching as all three men looked at her. "Giles, do you want Spike to help me?"
"Yes," the older man said with a nod.
"Do you think it will be beneficial?"
"I do."
"Then it's settled," Buffy said, shooting a look at Riley. "Spike helps me train and patrol…end of discussion."
Buffy watched the hurt puppy dog look come over Riley's features as he nodded before turning and walking through the door, back into the main room.
Turning to Spike, she saw the gentle smile on his face that she was rarely privileged to.
"We patrol tomorrow," Spike said, looking into her eyes.
Once again, Buffy was amazed that she was able to look into his eyes and understand him instead of studying his lips. She nodded in agreement. "Meet me at my house."
Spike gave her another smile and nodded as he walked out the door.
Buffy wasn't ready to admit it, but she was relieved that Spike was helping her. She finally felt like what she was facing was a hurdle that she had to overcome and not some insurmountable object.
'Maybe there's a chance that I can be myself again.'
Regaining Confidence
Staring into her closet for several minutes, Buffy worried her bottom lip as she tried to decide what to wear.
"It's not like it's a date…you're just going patrolling, and then you'll stop by the Magic Box," she muttered to herself. "And Riley will be there so you want to look nice for him," she said with a nod, putting an end to her own disturbing conversation with herself.
Slipping into a pair of black leather pants and a red tank top, Buffy didn't even comprehend that she was wearing Spike's favorite colors. Walking downstairs, she said goodbye to her mom before walking out the door. She saw Spike walking up the street and met him halfway.
"Slayer," he said with a nod of greeting, letting his gaze peruse her body and admire the soft curves that were barely concealed.
"Hi, Spike," Buffy replied with a smile, surprising him since it looked genuine.
The two started walking in silence, Buffy watching him out of the corner of her eye in case he said something to her.
"How will this work?" she asked after a few minutes, looking over at him as they walked.
"Patrolling? Stake through the heart, decapitation…I'd think it would be fairly simple by now. You've been the Slayer for how long?"
Buffy swatted Spike on the shoulder, giving him a fake glare when he chuckled.
"Alright, Slayer…you fight, I watch your back, that's how it works."
Buffy's brows furrowed as she looked at him. "You're not going to help me?" she asked, apprehension creeping into her voice.
"If you need it," Spike replied with a nod. "But I don't think you'll need it."
A smile seemed to light up Buffy's face at the vote of confidence. They continued to walk in silence until they reached a cemetery. Buffy turned around to face Spike, leaning against a headstone and letting her eyes scan the area. She kept expecting her vision to improve, but since she was the Slayer, her eyesight didn't need any improvement. Spike was the only vampire she had been around since the incident, and he no longer set off her 'spidey sense'. She didn't really know what to think about that, but ever since Willow's spell had gone wrong the year before and they thought they were engaged, something about Spike felt right to her.
"What are you thinking about, pet?" Spike asked, tilting his head to study her, making sure that she could see him as he spoke.
Buffy smiled slightly. "Actually, I was thinking about Willow's spell from last year."
Spike's eyes widened. He had tried to put that day behind him…to put the feel of her lips against his behind him. "And why are you thinking about that?" Spike asked skeptically, suddenly finding his chipped black nail polish very intriguing instead of looking in her eyes.
Buffy worried her bottom lip, debating about whether or not she should tell him.
'He does seem like he genuinely wants to help, Buff,' she told herself. 'What can it hurt…what's the worst that can happen?'
"Ever since the spell, you've seemed different."
"Different?" Spike asked, looking up at her in confusion.
"Not you," Buffy clarified. "I just…it's like I know it's you, even if I can't see you…I feel you."
Spike watched Buffy lower her head in embarrassment. Gently reaching forward and tilting her chin up to look at him again, Spike studied her face for a long moment before speaking. "Do you think it's something left over from the spell?"
"No," Buffy said softly, shaking her head. "I don't."
Spike took several unneeded breaths as he looked into her eyes. He opened his mouth to respond before gritting his teeth when he saw a movement over her shoulder.
Buffy noticed the change in demeanor and turned to look behind her, seeing the newly risen vampire. Instantly on her guard, she whipped out a stake and focused all of her remaining senses on the impending fight.
Spike took a step back, crossing his arms over his chest and watching as the Slayer ran toward the vamp and leveled him with a swift kick to the head. He had to smile, loving how she moved when she fought. He noticed that her form seemed a little off, but he attributed that to the fact that she had to rely on her other senses.
Instinctively taking a step closer to her when she took a particularly hard hit, Spike smiled when she spun around and thrust the stake into the vamp's chest without even breaking a sweat.
Wiping her hands and catching her breath as she turned to face Spike, Buffy gave him a soft smile before tucking the stake into the back of her pants.
"How'd I do?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
Spike shrugged indifferently and turned around to walk away.
"Hey!" Buffy cried indignantly as she caught up to him. "I think I did a damn good job! That was probably a new record for vampire slayage," she said, watching him while they walked.
"If you believe that, then that's all that matters," Spike replied, biting his tongue to keep from laughing at the expression of disbelief on her face.
"Oh, why am I even looking for your approval anyway," she muttered huffily, speeding up to walk ahead of him.
Spike chuckled as she tried to put some distance between them. Jogging to catch up with her, he caught Buffy's arm, turning her to face him. "You did good, Slayer."
"I know," she answered, crossing her arms over her chest with a pout. "Wouldn't kill you to admit it a little faster," she muttered, causing Spike to smile again.
"I'm sorry," he said in a playful tone, letting his bottom lip stick out in a pout that was mocking hers. Buffy swatted at his shoulder for making fun of her. "Hey!" Spike cried indignantly. "It's not my fault you're acting like a baby."
Buffy glared at him for a moment before her eyes seemed to light up.
"What?" Spike asked, dreading whatever she was about to say or do.
"I seem to remember a time when you liked my lip," she replied, looking at him with wide eyes and her lip poking out a little bit.
"Oh, bloody hell," Spike groaned, closing his eyes as Buffy laughed.
Communication
Everyone turned as Buffy and Spike walked into the Magic Box laughing. The sight was a little strange, to say the least, but the majority of the gang was so relieved to see a smile on the young woman's face that the vampire at her side could be overlooked.
Buffy gently slapped his arm as they walked toward the rest of the group, playfully scolding him for whatever it was that he'd said before she separated from him to take a seat next to Riley.
Her attention was soon drawn to her boyfriend when he grabbed her arm to get her attention. She didn't appreciate being manhandled when he could have just tapped her on the shoulder, but she kept her mouth shut as she turned to look at him.
"You two seem cozy."
Since no one turned around, Buffy assumed that he'd mouthed the words to her. She glanced up and saw Willow and Tara talking to Spike who was sitting on the counter next to the cash register. For his part, he seemed interested in whatever they were saying, giving them each a polite smile and nodding in agreement with what they were talking about.
"I wouldn't call it that," Buffy replied, noticing that Spike glanced at her when he heard her voice. She didn't hold his gaze very long, feeling Riley's eyes on her. "Where's Giles?" she asked the gang.
Xander and Anya looked up from their conversation. "He's running late," Xander said.
"Giles is running late?" Buffy asked in disbelief.
"Something about getting new weapons for you to train with," Willow said, gently touching Buffy's arm so they were looking at each other.
Buffy was a little surprised but nodded and dropped back into her chair, noticing Spike's eyes were still on her. Normally this would unnerve her, having a vampire watching her every move, but the look that he was giving her only put her at ease. That is…until Riley practically jerked her out of her chair and planted her in his lap.
"Riley, what are you doing?" Buffy asked, looking at him when she felt his arms band around her waist in a tight grip.
"Just wanted to hold my girl," Riley said, barely looking at her and making it even harder to understand him as he nuzzled her neck.
Buffy tensed, her shoulder involuntarily rising to ward off his advances, but he obviously wasn't paying attention.
Spike watched the interaction with interest. It was obvious that Buffy would rather be anywhere else at that moment, but apparently Captain Cardboard wasn't concerned with the woman in his arms. At least, if the looks he was shooting toward Spike were any indication, he was more concerned with marking his territory.
Buffy looked up, meeting Spike's eyes, and a silent connection seemed to pass through them. She realized in that moment that spending time with Spike wasn't as strange as she would have expected. He made her feel more at ease than her friends did, even when she was sitting in a room that was full of the people who were supposed to support her. Half of them seemed to have trouble remembering to even look at her when they spoke, but Spike never had that problem.
A few days ago, Buffy would have eagerly been first in line to throw a punch or a stake at him. But now…things were different. In less than twenty-four hours, the blonde vampire had blended into her life with such ease that it felt like he was the only person she needed to get through her latest problem, even if it was a huge one. Which was lucky, considering no one else besides Giles was interested in helping her get through this- they were all too concerned with taking care of her. She was the Slayer- she didn't want comfort, she wanted support.
Spike studied her carefully, seeing the tension in her muscles and the distress in her eyes. Something was changing whenever he looked at the Slayer. To begin with, she wasn't just 'the Slayer' anymore. Now, she was turning into 'Buffy', and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. The only reason he agreed to help her was for the money that he was promised. Helping her was for his own benefit, and that was it…at least, that's what he kept telling himself.
He realized in that moment that it ran beyond his monetary gain. He would be a fool not to recognize that there was some connection that seemed to be drawing him closer to her. It seemed to be drawing them closer to each other, and the idea that it wasn't just a one-sided feeling filled Spike with a certain amount of hope that he wasn't ready to think about.
'I don't want to be her protector,' he thought, giving her a soft smile when her eyes met his, and she visibly relaxed from the look they shared. 'That's what Peaches is for.'
No, Spike wanted to help her. He wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. He saw Riley shoot him another look, tightening his hold on the woman in his arms. Spike couldn't help the smirk on his face when Buffy tensed up even more, subtly trying to pull away from him.
She gave Spike a look before turning her gaze toward the door of the training room. Spike nodded almost imperceptibly as he stood up and shrugged out of his duster. Laying it across the counter, he disappeared into the back room without a word.
Buffy disentangled herself from her boyfriend, suddenly feeling defensive when all eyes turned toward her.
"Spike and I are going to spar until Giles gets here," she said with a dismissive shrug.
Buffy noticed that everyone was watching Riley, and she turned to look at him in time to see him finish whatever he was saying.
"I'm deaf, Riley," she said with a hard edge to her voice as her anger got the best of her. "I can't hear you when my back is to you…I can't hear you no matter which way my back is facing, but if you want to talk, I'm going to have to be looking directly at you. Now, what were you saying?"
"I was asking when you two decided to go sparring?"
The contempt was obvious as he looked toward the door of the training room, and Buffy was suddenly glad that she couldn't hear him. The hostility was probably dripping from his voice.
"Just now," she replied.
Willow touched her arm, drawing her attention away from Riley. "But you didn't say anything."
"That's right," Buffy replied, trying to remind herself that she wasn't mad at Willow before she turned back to Riley. "In less than a day, the one person in this world who I would expect to be gloating about the fact that I got myself into an incurable situation has learned how to communicate with me. Not just talk to me," she emphasized. "But communicate."
Everyone watched in shock as Buffy disappeared to the back of the shop and slammed the door behind her.
Hearing and Listening
Spike looked up at the sound of the door slamming to see an enraged Slayer pacing in front of him. Walking over to stand in front of her, she stopped and looked up at him.
Buffy's first instinct was to throw a solid punch to his nose before reminding herself that this was the man who was trying to help her. Taking a deep breath, she stared into his eyes, noticing for the first time just how blue they were.
"Are you okay?" he asked, studying her carefully.
"I'm fine," she replied, flexing her shoulders, unconsciously trying to soothe the tension that Riley had caused.
"You're not fine," Spike said, walking behind her and gently resting his hands on her shoulders.
Buffy tensed for a brief moment before realizing what he was doing. Spike smiled when he heard the soft sigh that escaped her lips as she relaxed against his touch. Her body hummed as his hands worked the tight knots in her back.
"Mmmm…why have I never been privileged to this before now?"
"I guess we've never had the right moment."
His whispered words were breathed in her ear, and Buffy nearly jumped away when she realized what he'd said. She couldn't hear him, she couldn't see his lips, but she still understood him.
Chills ran up and down her spine as her eyes widened, unsure of what was happening between them.
"Spike?" she whispered, feeling his hands pause before he turned her around.
"What is it, pet?"
"What's happening?"
Spike tilted his head to stare at her, unsure of what she was asking.
"Th-there's something going on…between us," she whispered, suddenly very unsure of herself. "It's just…I know what you're trying to say to me, and you don't even have to look at me."
"You're getting your hearing back?"
"No," Buffy replied, shaking her head. "But I can understand you…only you."
Spike was about to respond when the door to the training room opened and Giles walked in. Spike suppressed a growl when he saw Riley looking into the room, apparently not trusting the woman he claimed to love. That thought alone put a smile on Spike's face.
'The ponce obviously thinks I'm a threat to his so-called perfect relationship.'
"We're ready," Giles said, looking between the two blondes.
Spike nodded, shooting a look at Buffy and seeing her closed-off expression.
"We'll talk later," he mouthed to her, giving her a soft smile when she nodded.
Gently putting his hand on the small of her back, they followed Giles into the main room of the shop. He let his hand fall back to his side when they approached the table, feeling a strange sense of loss that he wasn't touching her anymore.
Walking back to resume his spot on the counter, Spike was taken by surprise when Buffy bypassed her friends and walked over to stand next to him, casually leaning against the glass. He saw the surprised look on everyone's face and the hateful look that Riley was sending his way, but he chose to ignore him.
"Well," Giles began, making sure to face Buffy. "I know it's only been a day, but how is the training going?"
Buffy and Spike exchanged a look before turning their attention back to the Watcher.
"Good," Buffy said with a nod. "Really good."
"Can I just say that I don't like this," Xander said, surprising everyone- not with his opinion, but with the fact that he'd kept his mouth shut for almost a full day.
Buffy watched as the conversation seemed to escalate into a heated argument as her friends began talking quickly. She could only pick up every other word that Xander was saying, but for once, she was glad she was deaf. There had been a very recent time when she didn't particularly care for Spike either, but Xander had such an unnatural hatred of the vampire that it was bordering on ridiculous.
'You'd think someone dating an ex-vengeance demon would be a little more open-minded.'
Buffy saw Riley join in the fight, obviously agreeing with whatever Xander was saying. Giles appeared to be defending his decision that Spike was the best choice to help Buffy. Willow and Tara were trying to keep everyone calm and failing miserably as Anya said something that Buffy didn't pay attention to. Knowing Anya, it had nothing to do with the argument and more to do with herself.
The argument seemed to escalate, and Spike kept a careful eye on the Slayer, seeing her eyes dart around the room, trying to understand what everyone was saying.
Glancing up at him, Spike saw the despair in her eyes. She was no longer connected with the group, and it was affecting her more than she was letting on. If her friends had taken a few moments to talk to her or even look at her, they would have seen it, too, but they were all too involved in their own lives and petty arguments.
Trying one more time to understand what everyone was saying, Buffy fought the tears in her eyes as she pushed away from the counter and ran into the back room, slamming the door behind her.
Spike was immediately off the counter and walking toward the door, ignoring how quiet everyone in the room had suddenly become.
"Where do you think you're going?" Riley asked, catching up to Spike and spinning the vampire around to face him.
"Where do you think?" Spike responded with venom in his voice.
"I'm her boyfriend. I'll be the one to check on her."
"I don't think so, mate," Spike replied, practically spitting out the words. "You have no idea what she's going through, and you'll just make it worse."
"Oh, and you can make it better?" he asked sarcastically
"Yes."
The confidence in his voice seemed to stun everyone as Spike turned toward the door again. He felt the other man grab his shoulders and throw him against the wall. Vamping out, Spike whirled around with a snarl and pinned Riley to the wall, surprising everyone in the room.
"Spike."
He looked up at the sound of his name, letting his human mask fall into place as he looked at Giles. Spike stepped away as Riley searched for a stake.
"What happened to the chip?" Riley asked, his eyes filled with hatred.
"Are you honestly telling me that I hurt you?" Spike asked, talking to the other man as if he was the stupidest person he'd ever met. Which in fact…
"I shoved you into a wall. It's not like I tried to snap your neck."
That thought alone was enough to nearly bring a smile to his face. Turning back to the door, everyone began talking at once as Spike reached for the doorknob. Most were questioning whether it should be Spike that went in or one of her close friends.
"Don't you get it?!" Spike yelled, growing more frustrated with the group before gesturing toward the closed door. "Can you not see what she's going through? What you're putting her through? You're supposed to be her friends, but you haven't even made the effort to understand what she might be feeling. She may be the one who's deaf, but you lot are the ones who can't hear!"
Helpless
Spike quietly shut the door behind him when he entered the training room. Not that it mattered since he could slam it and it wouldn't have affected her. He saw Buffy sitting on the pommel horse, letting her legs swing lightly as she looked down at her hands. He patiently waited by the door until she noticed him, not wanting to scare her.
"Don't hover by the door, Spike. Come on in."
He had to smile at the fact that she didn't even need to look up to know that it was him. Spike slowly walked across the room until he was standing in front of her. Buffy calmly raised her eyes to his, and Spike felt his heart clench at the unshed tears that were glistening in her eyes.
"How're you holdin' up, Slayer?" Spike asked, letting his hand come up without thinking and gently caressing her cheek.
Buffy unconsciously closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. His cool fingers ghosted over her skin until she was practically trembling at his touch.
Opening her eyes after a moment, she felt herself relax even more when she looked into his eyes and saw nothing but compassion and concern. "Do you want the truth or the answer that they want?" she asked, gesturing to her unseen friends on the other side of the closed door.
"Why don't we give the truth a shot," he replied with a gentle smile as he reluctantly pulled his hand away and sat down next to her.
"I hate this," Buffy whispered, looking down at the floor as she battled tears. "I hate that everyone looks at me like I'm going to crack under the pressure. I hate feeling helpless."
Buffy gasped when she suddenly felt herself propelled backwards, landing with a thud on the mats and pinned down by a fully vamped out and snarling Spike. Kicking him off of her, she felt her heart race as she straddled him, one hand on his throat to hold him in place, the other on his chest.
Spike's human face fell back into place as he looked at her. Panting heavily from the surprise of the moment, Buffy looked at him as if she'd been betrayed.
"What the hell was that?" she asked, her eyes filled with pain that the one person she thought she could trust had turned on her.
Spike calmly extracted her hand from around his throat and slowly brought it to his lips, leaving a tender kiss on the palm. "You're not helpless."
Buffy's lips parted in comprehension as she looked into his eyes, seeing what he was trying to do. Taking several deep breaths, she gave him a soft smile. "You're sneaky."
"Vampire," he said as an explanation.
"Sneaky vampire," she said with a smile that Spike returned.
The mood noticeably changed as their smiles faded. Buffy's hand began tingling where it was still resting on Spike's chest. She could feel the hard muscles beneath her fingertips and sat up, subtly dragging her hand down his chest and along his abs.
Spike's eyes widened as she moved, feeling the familiar stirring in his groin when her body brushed against it. He hurriedly sat up, nearly pushing Buffy off of him while he climbed to his feet.
A curious look crossed her features, but she didn't push the issue. At this point, she was more eager to understand what was mentally going on between them. If there was something physical happening, it would have to wait…and Buffy wasn't sure if she was ready to admit that there was something physically.
"Spike-"
Buffy was cut off when Spike gently touched her arm and gestured to the door. She turned around and saw Giles looking frantic as he jogged toward her.
"It's Riley…he's collapsed."
Buffy's mouth dropped open as she looked back and forth between the two men before she turned and ran out of the room.
Spike waited with the rest of the Scoobies in the waiting room of Sunnydale General. He didn't really care what happened to Captain Cardboard, but he knew that Buffy wanted him there. She hadn't asked him, but…he knew it.
Spike hadn't seen Buffy since she'd disappeared with Giles in tow a few hours before, but he wanted to wait as long as possible, hoping to see that she was holding up alright.
Sitting next to the window, he knew he would have to leave soon. The sun was about to rise, and he definitely didn't want to be on the receiving end of it.
"Riley's going to be okay."
Spike's head snapped around when he heard Buffy's voice. She was standing next to Giles, and she looked exhausted. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and her shoulders were tense. Spike wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and offer whatever comfort she would take, but he knew that it wouldn't be a wise idea with her friends practically standing guard around her. They had ignored Spike over the past few hours, but that didn't mean they had all accepted him.
"Giles was able to get through to the Initiative and they sent a doctor…he had surgery and he's going to be fine."
Spike slipped out of the room as her friends enveloped Buffy in a group hug.
Lighting a cigarette before he was even out of the hospital, he took comfort in the nicotine that flowed through his dead lungs.
"Spike!"
Turning around at the sound of her voice, Spike frowned when he saw her running towards him.
"What's wrong, Slayer?"
Instead of answering, Buffy ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him to her for a warm hug.
"Thank you for being here," she whispered into his leather-clad shoulder as his arms wrapped around her waist.
Breathing in her scent, Spike's eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of holding her close.
"I know you don't like Riley, but thank you for staying."
Reluctantly, Spike pulled away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as he gave her a soft smile. "Anytime you need me, Slayer, you know where to find me."
Buffy smiled, looking downward as a faint blush came across her cheeks. "We do need to figure out what's happening," she whispered.
"I know."
Buffy's eyes snapped up to his after he spoke. "How are you doing that?"
"Like you said, pet," he replied with another smile. "We'll figure it out."
Houseguest
Sitting in his chair with a tall glass of blood and vodka, Spike stared at the TV screen without really seeing it. Something was happening to him. Every spare minute of the day, he was thinking of the Slayer…and none of those thoughts involved her painful death.
A loud crash sounded through the crypt, and Spike was immediately on his feet. He suppressed the sudden, intense desire to roll his eyes when he saw Harmony run into the crypt.
"You have to help me!" she cried in an overly dramatic fashion, bracing her hands against the flat surface of the door and staring at Spike.
"And why is that?" Spike asked with a sigh.
"My minions are after me!"
Spike tried to suppress the smile as his lips quirked in response. Clearing his throat before he spoke, he gave Harmony a hard look. "And why should I help you, pet?"
"Because you're my Blondie Bear," she replied as if it was the most natural explanation in the world.
"Let's get one thing straight, Harm. I am not your anything. You can stay here, but if your so-called ‘minions' show up, don't expect me to help you."
"You would just let them kill me?" Harmony asked with a pout that did nothing for him.
Rolling his eyes, Spike sighed. "Not if you didn't deserve it…happy?"
"Very," she replied, sauntering up to him and planting a kiss on his cheek.
"Hey," Buffy said with a soft smile as Riley began to wake up.
"What happened?" he asked with a groggy voice, looking around the room in confusion.
"You collapsed," she said quietly. "The stuff that the Initiative pumped into you apparently started to backfire. Giles was able to get in touch with someone, and they sent one of their doctors to operate."
"So…I'm not strong anymore?"
Buffy took his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze in a silent show of support.
"Riley, of course you're strong. You're just not Superboy anymore."
"There was nothing wrong with me, Buffy," he replied, angrily pulling his hand away from hers. "I was more powerful than I've ever been. Most people would kill to feel like that."
"Yeah, and that feeling was going to kill you. Riley, your body was not built for that kind of strength-"
"I could have handled it," he said in a sulking voice that Buffy couldn't hear. "This was my deal, Buffy, so just…back off."
Buffy looked at him with the hurt evident in her eyes. She turned to walk out of the room, jumping slightly when she felt his hand on her arm.
"I'm sorry, okay? I just don't want to be Mr. Joe Normal. I liked being the super-guy."
"And it's not enough for you to be Joe Normal?"
"It's not enough for you," he emphasized, pointing to her.
"What?" Buffy asked in disbelief. "I started dating you when I thought that's who you were. Did you conveniently block that out? I liked ‘Joe'."
"Yeah, right," Riley replied with a scoff.
"What are you saying?" Buffy asked in confusion.
"Come on. Your last boyfriend wasn't exactly a civilian."
"So that's what this is about? You would be willing to die over some macho pissing contest?"
"It's not about him. It's about us."
"What?"
"You're getting stronger everyday, more powerful," Riley clarified. "I can't touch you. Everyday, you're just…a little further out of my reach."
"So you have this all figured out?" she asked angrily. "I'm bailing because you're not in the super club?"
"It's human nature."
"Don't Psych 101 me," she said, shaking her head. "Not now. Not after everything that…do you think that I spent the last year with you because you had super powers? If that's what I wanted, then I'd be dating Spike."
Her eyes widened when she realized what she said…and the fact that it didn't bother her as much as it should have.
"I need to go."
Riley caught her arm, pulling her back toward him. "I'm sorry," he said, looking into her eyes. "I should have never doubted you."
Buffy nodded, leaning forward to give him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll stop by later," she said softly.
Riley nodded, trying to pull her closer for another kiss, but she pretended not to recognize his advances and pulled away.
"Get some rest."
Pushing open the door to his crypt, Buffy looked around the top level.
"Spike?" she called softly, keeping an eye on the shadows. The light disappeared as the door closed behind her, and Buffy was suddenly feeling uneasy. The few tense seconds that she waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkened interior left an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. She got the distinct impression that she wasn't alone, and being deaf and nearly blind was too much for her as she turned back to the door.
Feeling a hand on her arm, Buffy swung around and felt her punch blocked. Looking up, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Spike staring at her in concern.
"What's wrong, Slayer?"
"N-nothing."
Spike raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing her.
"I was just getting the feeling that there was another vampire here, and it was hard to see…"
Buffy trailed off when she saw a blonde head appear from the lower level.
"Harmony?"
Spike turned and clenched his jaw when he saw the other woman. Harmony froze when she saw the Slayer standing by the door before rushing back down the ladder.
"Am I interrupting anything?" Buffy asked with an edge to her voice.
"No," Spike replied, looking into her eyes. "She just needed a place to stay for a day or two."
"And your place was the logical choice?" Buffy asked, hating the jealousy that was creeping into her voice. She couldn't even hear it, but she knew it was there.
"It's just for a couple of days."
Buffy didn't say anything as she turned toward the door. She stopped when she felt Spike's hand cover hers.
"Why did you stop by?" he asked softly, his eyes never leaving hers.
"It's not important," she replied in a distant voice before looking over his shoulder at the ladder. "If she kills anyone…"
"I'll stake her myself," Spike replied honestly.
Buffy looked at him in surprise. "You will?"
Spike nodded, feeling a little better when he saw a genuine smile briefly appear on her lips.
"I'll see you later," she murmured, disappearing into the sunlight.
Spike stared at the door for a long moment after she disappeared. Something felt different, and he couldn't figure out what it was.
What's Happening?
Slowly walking into the hospital room, Buffy felt despondent. She put a bright smile on her face when Riley looked at her, but if he had been paying attention, it was obviously fake. Fortunately, Riley wasn't one to pay much attention to her feelings and expressions. He took things at face value, and that was proving to be beneficial at that moment.
‘And yet one more difference between him and Spike,' Buffy thought. ‘And one more point in the Spike column…wait…there are no points, and especially no points for a vampire versus your boyfriend!' she mentally chastised herself.
"How are you?" Buffy asked, slowly approaching the bed, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She had decided to come back and check on him since she felt guilty about leaving him to go see Spike…but not guilty enough to stay very long.
"I'm better," Riley replied, giving her a weak smile.
"Glad to hear it," she said, letting her fingertips graze over his hand before entwining it with his. "And see…still touchable."
Riley nodded, relaxing at her touch. "Give me a week or so, and I'll take full advantage of that fact."
Why did that phrase not offer the comfort it should have?
"I just wanted to check on you before I head home."
"You're leaving?" he asked, his voice edged with disappointment.
"I kind of need some sleep," Buffy replied, feeling a little annoyed that he wouldn't know this. ‘Give him a break, Summers. He just had surgery and probably isn't feeling like himself.'
"You've probably been up all night, haven't you?" he asked, not bothering to wait for an answer. "Where'd you go?"
‘To try and figure out why I'm seeking comfort from a man who used to be my enemy instead of staying here with you.'
"I had to get something to eat," she said with a nod as if she was convincing herself of the fact. "You had me so worried- I couldn't eat anything while you were in surgery."
‘And yet another lie to add to the Buffy Fib Chart.'
"I'm sorry," Riley said, pulling her down to the bed, serving to fuel Buffy's annoyance that he didn't even acknowledge that she wanted to leave.
"Why don't you stay? Get some rest with me."
"Riley, I really don't think I'll be able to sleep with you taking up the bed."
"So sleep on top of me…I won't mind," he said with a smile.
"Thanks for the offer, but my bed is calling me."
"Oh, alright," Riley said, pouting.
Buffy let him kiss her softly, but it didn't offer anything she needed. Jumping up from the bed as if she'd been burned, she backed toward the door. "I'll check on you later, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Without waiting for a response, Buffy was out the door. She felt like she was being smothered when she was alone in a room with him. As if there was a crushing weight on her chest.
‘Even in a hospital bed, hooked up to machines, he still manages to tower over me with that overprotective vibe.'
And it wasn't anything he said. He just wanted too much from her, and Buffy wasn't ready to give him that much.
Lying in her bed, Buffy inhaled and exhaled sharply, trying to get over the need of going to Spike. She felt like she'd been tossing and turning for hours, and her thoughts kept turning back to the blonde vampire. Incessantly making her want to seek some much-needed comfort from him. But most of all, she was trying not to think of the other woman staying with him…alone and possibly in his bed.
Rolling onto her side, she buried her face in her pillow, gasping in surprise when she felt a strong arm gently wrap around her waist, pulling her against a hard and muscular body.
"It's alright, luv…I'm here," he whispered as if he knew what she was thinking. She shivered when she felt his breath tickling the bare skin of her shoulder. "I've got you."
Buffy practically melted against him. She'd never felt this amount of relief before, and it was wonderful to let herself be a girl and not the Slayer for a few precious minutes. To let him take care of her and give her what she needed.
"What are you doing here?"
"You needed me," he murmured against her skin.
"I've always needed you," Buffy whispered, turning to look at him.
She reached up, gently brushing a curl off his forehead and smiling when Spike leaned into her touch, closing his eyes at the soothing gesture.
"Something's happening to me, Buffy," he said after a moment, opening his eyes to look at her.
"I know," she said softly. "It's happening to me, too."
"I want to be with you," Spike whispered, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke. The soft caress left her trembling, wanting more. "I've wanted you from the first moment I saw you."
Buffy moved so that she was laying underneath him, thrilled at the power that he had over her. "I want you," she whispered, pulling him down to her, feeling her pulse race with excitement when his lips ran over her neck. "I want you so much."
With a gasp, Buffy sat up in bed, clutching the sheet to her chest and breathing heavily. Turning to look out the window, she saw that the sun was setting. With a shaky breath, Buffy closed her eyes, trying to regulate her breathing. Memories of the dream haunted her and left her with an undeniable sense of loss when she realized that he wasn't there with her.
"What's happening to me?"
Spike's eyes slowly opened as the sun set. Images came back to him as he began looking around. He felt panic course through his body when he realized he was alone.
"Where is she?" he asked himself, looking around frantically. "Where's Buffy?"
It took him a moment to realize that it had just been a dream. Bringing his legs up to his chest, Spike let his head fall into his hands. Everything felt so real- her touch, her willingness to have him close to her, the gentle feel of his lips barely brushing against hers…the way her body felt underneath his as she admitted that she wanted him.
‘This isn't right,' Spike thought to himself. ‘She's the Slayer and you're a vampire. It doesn't work this way.'
With a sigh, Spike raised his eyes to stare at the wall of his crypt.
"Or maybe this is exactly the way it's supposed to be."
Blood and Tears
Nervously walking toward the cemetery, Buffy couldn't get that dream out of her head. She could practically still feel Spike's lips on hers. She could feel the excitement rushing through her when she thought of him kissing her neck.
So lost in thought, Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand on her arm. She subconsciously knew that it was Spike since her Slayer senses weren't going off, but she could still feel her heart racing in her chest.
Spike slowly turned her around to face him, his eyes narrowing when he heard the thumping of her heart and saw her flushed face.
"You alright, Slayer?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her.
Buffy took a few steadying breaths before nodding.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah," Buffy finally responded in a soft voice, trying not to focus on the tingling sensation that was sweeping over her skin as a result of his hand still on her arm. "I'm fine."
Spike didn't believe her but decided not to push the subject. She would tell him if she wanted to. His mind briefly flashed to the dream, but he focused on his surroundings, not wanting to remember how real her body felt beneath his.
Buffy began walking, and Spike could see the rigid way she was holding herself. Her shoulders were tense, and her arms were crossed in front of her chest as if she was trying to mentally ward off something.
"How's Harmony?"
Turning toward her, Buffy noticed that Spike's eyes had widened at the question.
"She's…she's fine," he replied skeptically.
"Are you two…back together?" Buffy asked, a hint of trepidation in her voice.
"No," Spike said, studying her eyes. "Not yet."
"Not yet?"
She could practically feel her heart sinking in her chest.
‘Riley…must think of Riley…stealthy boyfriend guy who is lying in a hospital bed.'
"Jealous, Slayer?" Spike teased, biting his bottom lip as he studied her.
"No," she replied too quickly and with too much indignation. "I just…I just think you can do better."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, that's so," Buffy said with a nod. "Not that she and Drusilla were the models for the perfect girlfriends, but-"
"Keep quiet about Dru," Spike interrupted, his jaw tense.
Buffy's eyes widened in surprise. She could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves, and it only served to fuel her own.
"Why should I?" she asked, turning toward him, her arms still crossed over her chest. "It's not my fault that she up and left."
"You're treading on thin ice, Slayer."
"Why do you even care anymore, Spike? It's been two years- get over it."
"Just like you're over Angel?" he countered, taking a step closer to her, his eyes flashing. "Dru and I were together for over a century- you and Peaches were together a few years, and he ‘up and left'. So what does that tell you?"
Buffy's face seemed to close off as she stared at the vampire.
‘He's right,' she thought sadly. ‘Angel couldn't even stand to be around me for a few years. Drusilla and Spike were together for over one hundred years and…'
Buffy forced her train of thought to stop when she noticed the smug expression on Spike's face. She wanted nothing more than to get away from him. "It's not my fault your girlfriends are such vapid whores."
Not bothering to wait for his reaction, Buffy turned and began walking through the cemetery, fighting the tears in her eyes. She stretched out her senses after a few minutes, trying to find Spike and realizing he wasn't following her.
Coming to a stop next to a mausoleum, she took a deep breath, her chin trembling as she leaned against the cold stone. Unable to fight it anymore, her hands traveled up to her face, muffling the sobs that erupted.
Letting her legs practically collapse under her weight, she slid down the wall, burying her face in her knees and letting her body shake with the agony that she would never be enough for anybody.
Spike watched her walk away, clenching his jaw as she disappeared. He knew that she was trying to be hurtful and succeeded with what she said, but he was still feeling guilty.
‘You're a vampire- you're not supposed to feel guilty,' he lectured himself.
Nevertheless, he couldn't let her wander through a cemetery when she couldn't hear where her enemies might be.
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Spike started walking in the direction she had gone. His mind kept turning over the conversation, and he felt his heart dropping with every memory.
What she'd said to him was meant to be hurtful, but it was true. His retort about Angel leaving her made Spike's heart clench. He hated his poncey Grandsire, but he knew that Angel never would have left Buffy if it wasn't for the curse.
Following her scent, Spike looked around and listened closely. He could hear sobs nearby, and his heart felt like it was breaking apart, piece by piece. Taking a deep breath, Spike walked around a crypt and saw her in the distance. Her body shaking with the force of her tears and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, almost burrowing into herself.
Watching her for a long moment, Spike closed his eyes, trying to figure out the best way to approach her as he swallowed the lump in his throat. His eyes snapped open when he heard a growl, and he immediately began running when he saw two vampires attacking Buffy.
With a burst of speed, Spike made it over to her and flung one of the vampires into the wall of the mausoleum, spinning around and kicking the other one in the stomach.
Buffy lay on the ground, gasping for breath. Spike's eyes widened when the intoxicating smell of her blood floated toward him.
"Buffy-"
Landing with a thud, Spike growled at the vampire who was trying to attack him. With a roar, he grabbed both sides of the vampire's head and ripped it clean off. Letting the dust settle around him, he noticed Buffy on her feet, battling the remaining vamp.
The look of satisfaction on her face when she staked him nearly brought a smile to Spike's face until he remembered she was bleeding.
"Where are you hurt?" he asked, running over to her.
"It's nothing," she said softly, pushing him away. "Just a scratch."
"Buffy, you're bleeding," Spike said, turning her to face him so she could see what he was saying. He saw the tears that were still in her eyes and his expression softened. Gently brushing her hair out of her eyes, he gave her a soft smile. "I didn't mean it," he whispered.
"Doesn't mean it's not true."
"Believe me when I say no one would leave you unless they absolutely had to, luv."
Buffy took a deep breath, giving him a small smile. "About what I said…"
"It's all true," Spike replied, his eyes already on her body, his senses stretching out to find where she was injured. "Where are you hurt?" he asked again.
Buffy swept her hair away from her neck, and Spike growled when he saw the cut. It wasn't a bite, but the blood pooled from the small cut, and the ambrosia was practically calling to him.
The bloodlust building up in Spike's eyes was obvious as Buffy stared at him. His lips parted as if he was already savoring the taste. She found herself unconsciously leaning toward him, feeling the same pull toward him that he was feeling toward her. He seemed to snap out of it a moment later, looking into Buffy's eyes. He suddenly realized how close he came to losing her.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, moving toward her.
"It was my fault," Buffy said, shaking her head. "I shouldn't have brought it up and turned it into such a petty argument-"
Buffy was cut off when she felt Spike's arms wrap around her in a crushing hold. "I almost lost you tonight, pet," he whispered, so overcome with emotions that he wasn't used to, he didn't even realize that he wasn't looking at her. Buffy gasped when she, once again, understood what he was saying without looking at him.
"I'm fine," she murmured, letting her hands travel up to wrap around his neck. "I'm here and I'm fine. It takes a lot more than a couple of stupid fledglings to kill me."
Spike didn't say anything as he held her. He didn't know what he was feeling for the young woman, but he did know the connection with her was stronger than he'd ever felt with anyone.
It wasn't love- it was something stronger…he just didn't realize it yet.