He reached out, daring to touch his sleeping beauty, and hoped she would wake and beg him to stay. But, his feather-light caress on cool skin failed to rouse her. He indulged his pain, for a moment, and smoothed his fingertips over the curve of her shoulder. Soon, he would say goodbye to this pleasure, this girl who was breaking his heart unbeknownst. A lump formed, choking him, and he had to force the tears back down into that dark place inside him.

Tears were a luxury he could ill afford.

The first threads of morning sunlight filtered through the gauzy curtains and it was time to go. Quietly, he left her bed and gathered his discarded clothes, thrown carelessly around the room in the heat of their passion. He dressed, not looking at the slumbering Slayer.

"Riley?"

He straightened, heart sinking even as resolve strengthened. He looked at her as she sat up, golden hair tumbled over bare breasts, blinking sleepily.

"It's still early, come back to bed," she enticed, holding out a slender hand.

The desire to throw himself in her arms and on her mercy rose up in his chest and he shook with the effort to suppress the pain. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

Perhaps the timbre of his voice gave evidence to his intent, for she drew the sheet over her nakedness and a chilled expression shuttered her gaze. "Oh. Will you call later?"

He waited until he had tied his shoes and stood up. From his impressive height, he looked down at the tiny girl that had captured-and destroyed-his heart.

"No."

The shock in her eyes sent through him a malicious thrill. But, the temporary glee turned swiftly to torment. He stepped towards her, wanting to erase the confusion from her beautiful face. "Buffy..."

She drew away, then slipped out of the now-cold bed. Quickly, she found her robe in the tangle of bedclothes and pulled it on. Only when she was covered did she turn her hurt gaze on Riley.

"What's wrong, Riley? Why are you mad at me?"

He sighed. "I'm not mad. I should've told you earlier, but..."

"But? But what?"

"I wanted to touch you one last time."

"Last...you're leaving me?" The disbelief in her sleep-roughened voice was painful to hear, but the knowledge in her eyes was worse. She pretended shock, but she knew.

Of course, she knew. They had all left her.

"I'm leaving you, Buffy. I'm going home to Iowa."

She took a deep breath, then another and it ended on a sob. "Why? Oh, Riley, why?"

"I'm useless to you now. A pale imitation of the man you thought I was. You need more. You deserve more." He turned and gathered his jacket.

A tiny hand, with supernatural strength, gripped his arm, forming bruises. She spun him to face her, eyes suddenly wild, suddenly needy.

**Why now, Buffy? Don't need me now, when I have nothing more to give?**

"It's not that! It's more than that! You know I always need you!" The tears flowed free now and he wondered, strangely, if they would taste as false as they looked.

"You push me away, Buffy. You put me in a box and take me out when you need to be pleasured. I'm human, Buffy, not a vampire. Not the man..." he laughed bitterly then. "Not the *man* you need."

The hand on his arm hurt, but he refused to flinch. His bones could shatter to dust and he wouldn't give in to the pain. She was staring at him with rage, its heat filling the room, seeping into the spaces left cold by their dying love.

"I don't want a vampire. I want you," she pleaded.

Fury bubbled within and he turned, grabbing her by the arms and hauling her up to his chest. She gasped, startled and aroused by the rage in his eyes. "Riley, don't..."

"Do you love me?"

The words were hissed between clenched teeth and left to rot between them. "That's what this is about? Riley, you know..."

He shook her, the soft silk of her robe slipping away from the creamy tops of her breasts. "Do...you...love...me?"

Her tears were copious now, splashing over her cheeks and moistening her trembling lips. "I...it's so hard, Riley, you don't understa..."

He flung her away from him and she landed on the bed. "I gave you all of me, Buffy. I loved you so much it hurt. I gave up my future and made it you. All for you!"

She looked up at him, one hand clutching the front of her robe. "I know. You think I don't, but I know. I've always known how you felt, what you wanted."

He nodded. "But, it isn't what you want. You should've told me sooner, Buffy. Before I gave you my soul." Voice bitter, eyes haunted.

She rose from the bed and crossed the room to stand in front of him. One hand pressed against his chest, over his heart. Its steady beat, so valiantly fought for, so deeply wounded, both soothed and terrified her. "I've come so close to losing you, Riley. And, yes, that scares me. I've needed to be so strong for the people around me, for my mother, for Dawn, that I, sometimes, need someone to be strong for me. I know, to you, that means fighting my fight. But only I can do that."

"You think I can't keep up, or I'll get hurt." His jaw clenched tightly, humiliation warring with the desire to fling himself at her feet begging forgiveness.

"No. Yes! I don't know, Riley. I know you can keep up, but I am afraid you'll get hurt. Riley, I've lost so many people, including my mother, I can't lose you too!"

The tears came then, and he shuddered. "I want to be important to you, Buffy. Not just another responsibility. I want to take care of *you*."

She opened her arms and he went willingly. "You do take care of me, Riley. You care for me, you listen to me bitch, you dry my tears, you clean my wounds, you soothe my pain...you are all of that for me and more. But, if leaving is what you want, then I can't stop you."

He clung to her, drawing strength from her body. His knees buckled and they both slid to the floor. With a soft groan, Riley buried his face into the soft heat of her neck. Buffy smoothed his hair from his face and crooned softly in his ear. "I won't force you to stay, if you want to leave."

"All I want is for you to love me. That's all I've ever wanted."

Buffy pulled back from him and cupped his face between her palms. "Why do you keep saying that? I've always loved you, Riley. Don't you know that?"

He searched her face, looking for any signs of duplicity, but her green eyes were clear and full of emotion. He sobbed, then, and clutched her to his chest. "I thought...I was so afraid...I couldn't live like this anymore."

"It terrifies me, Riley. I've loved before and I've lost them all. I can't lose you, too." Buffy cried softly. "Riley, I love you very much. So much I feel, sometime, my heart is going to burst in my chest. I'm sorry I've never told you. I thought you knew."

"I wanted to, but I was afraid..."

"I love you, Riley. Always."

The rising sun filtered through the windows and warmed their trembling bodies. Buffy disentangled herself and held out her hand. "Come back to bed, Riley. It's still early."

He went, his soul warmed by the promise of her love.

 

The End

 

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