destructo-girl.com

"From the Brink"

Author: Michelle
Email: michellabella52478@yahoo.com

The doctor flashed the light into the young girl's eyes, sighing with despair. 'Six years. And now she's gone to us. We were so close!' He turned to her parents. "There's no reaction. We lost her."

The older woman – the girl's mother – burst out into tearful sobs. "No. My baby can't be gone. No!"

Her husband embraced her from behind, trying his best to be calm for his wife. "Joyce, calm down. The doctor will find a way to bring her back to us. Right?" he asked the dark-skinned doctor.

But he just frowned, putting the light back in his pocket. "I'm sorry, Mr. Summers. Your daughter is in a state of catatonia right now. There's nothing I can do for her. Buffy's regressed back into her schizophrenic world."

"You have to do something!" Mrs. Summers shouted. "She was so close to breaking through, we almost had her back."

He nodded. "I know how horrible this is for you. Losing your daughter to delusions…words can't begin to describe how unfair it is. All we can really do now is wait for her to come back to reality. If she ever does."

Mrs. Summers wrenched herself from her husband's grasp and crawled to her twenty-one year old daughter, who sat in the corner of the room staring at nothing. "Buffy, I know you can hear me. Fight them, I know you can do it. Remember a few minutes ago when I told you how strong your heart is? Well, you have to use it now. These people – Willow, Xander and Dawn – they're not real. We are. Do it for your father and me, sweetie. Then you can come home." She took hold of her daughter's hand and brought it to her lips, kissing it gently.

Mr. Summers could only shake his head. "I don't understand this, Dr. Torres. Buffy was coming out of it, she was making serious progress. How could this have happened?"

"I truly wish I had an answer, but unfortunately I don't. Truth is, I can only speculate as to what caused it. Perhaps she wasn't ready for the real world; she didn't want to come back. My best guess would be that she simply couldn't leave them. They had become so central to her reality that coming back here to a world without them would have been like killing them."

"Do we even exist to her anymore?" he wanted to know.

"It's hard to tell. From what I've gathered over the past six years, in Buffy's reality you do exist. You and your wife divorced, she died a year ago and you haven't been seen or heard from. But she knows who you are."

Mr. Summers closed his eyes in pain. "Is there anything we can do to help her?" He would do anything to have his daughter back. They had already lost out on six years of her life, neither he nor his wife were willing to lose six more.

"Nothing, I'm afraid. Buffy needs to come out of this on her own. She could wake up from her catatonic state tomorrow, weeks or months from now. Or possibly never."

"I refuse to accept that," Mrs. Summers stated, still holding her daughter's hand. "Buffy will be herself again, I just know she will."

Weeks passed by and nothing happened. Buffy remained in her state of catatonia, laying on her bed and staring at the ceiling. It was a daily struggle to get her to eat, she wouldn't respond to anyone, not even her parents. Mr. and Mrs. Summers were there every day after work, begging and pleading with her to come back to them. But their pleas fell on deaf ears. Buffy didn't so much as blink at the sound of their voices.

A month after she lost touch with reality, a new doctor walked into the room. Buffy's mother sat in the chair next to the bed. She hardly noticed when he came in, thinking it was Dr. Torres checking her chart as he did every-so-often.

"How is she doing today?" the new doctor asked, looking over Buffy's chart.

"No change," Mrs. Summers muttered. She glanced up when she didn't recognize the doctor's voice. "I'm sorry, I thought you were Dr. Torres."

He smiled at her. 'She looks like she hasn't slept in weeks.' "Her vital signs are good. Buffy is strong, I can see that from reading her chart. By the way, I'm Dr. Donnelly, Dr. Torres is on vacation this week and I've taken over some of his patients. Are you Buffy's mother?"

"Yes."

"Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary today?"

She shook her head sadly. "No. She's been like this for a month now. All she does is stare at the ceiling, not talking or blinking or making any sound whatsoever. I don't know how much more of this I can stand. I want my little girl back the way she was."

"I know you do. It'll take some time, but nature has a way of fixing its mistakes." He moved to the left side of the bed to shine the light into the young girl's eyes. He got no reaction her the patient. "She has the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen."

"That she does."

Dr. Donnelly placed his fingers over Buffy's wrist to feel her pulse. It jumped when his skin touched hers. He found it strange, but didn't think anything of it. "Well, everything seems fine. Don't give up hope, Mrs. Summers."

"Please, call me Joyce." She took an instant liking to the handsome young doctor. He didn't look much older than thirty, good-looking with dark hair and friendly brown eyes. 'He seems like a nice guy. The kind of man Buffy should be with if she weren't in this hospital.'

"Very well. I'll be in to check on Buffy again in a few hours or so. Let me know if anything changes."

"I will."

As Dr. Donnelly was walking out the door, Buffy squeezed her mother's hand. "Angel," she whispered. "You're here with me. I can hear your voice. Angel, please don't leave me again."

They'd been there with her, she could hear their voices. Her mother and father came by to visit every day, always begging her to come home to them; to leave her friends behind and be with them. And when they weren't there, it was the doctors and nurses saying the same things. But Buffy didn't want to leave. There was no way she could kill her friends and younger sister, even if it meant being with her parents again.

Sunnydale, California was her home now. It offered her security, friendship, family, responsibility and love. In Los Angeles – where her parents were – everyone believed she was crazy, but in Sunnydale, she was just Buffy. She wasn't crazy, she was extraordinary. People looked up to her, people depended on her. The world depended on her. Why would she want to trade all of that just to be Normal Buffy? Crazy Buffy?

Then she heard *his* voice. It had been months since they'd spoken, not long after she'd returned from the dead. They met halfway between L.A. and Sunnydale and talked for hours about death and life, and how both of them had been given second chances. But when Buffy told him she still loved him and wanted to live her second chance with him, he said it couldn't be; they needed to move on. His words left her devastated – she felt like she'd lost the only man she ever loved. And in a way, she had.

She and Spike were arguing in the cemetery over when she would tell her friends about them when she heard the voice. Angel's voice. She looked around for him but he was nowhere in sight.

"Angel," she whispered, ignoring Spike's expression of anger at the sound of his grandsire's name.

"He's not here, love," Spike informed her with a roll of his eyes. 'Will he ever leave her thoughts? Bleedin' Christ, it's been years since the big poof left her.' "He's in Los Angeles with those freaks who work for him."

Buffy shook her head. "I hear his voice. Angel's nearby, I have to find him."

"Whatever. But you've got until tomorrow to tell your friends about us or I will." He walked away, leaving her standing there alone.

"Where are you? I hear you, Angel!" she shouted. "You know I don't like playing games, and I hate it when you hide in the shadows."

She could feel him, she could always feel him when he was nearby. Their connection, despite living hundreds of miles away from one another, was still as strong as ever.

"She has the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen," she heard Angel say.

Buffy turned in a circle, but saw nobody. "Who does? Stop playing games, this isn't funny anymore."

It was then that she felt him touch her right wrist, pressing against her pulse. But nobody stood to her right, she was still alone in the exact same spot Spike had left her standing in. Her pulse quickened when she felt his skin against hers, but it didn't surprise her. It always happened when Angel touched her. No man – dead or alive – could effect her the way he did.

As suddenly as it arrived, the feeling was disappearing. She could feel Angel leaving. 'How can he come and go without even telling me why he's here? Don't I deserve that much?' "Angel, don't go."

Her thoughts flashed to the day that changed her perfect life and turned it upside down. The day the love of her life broke her heart into a million pieces.

"You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. I mean, you should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you," Angel said, his face filled with sadness.

"I don't care about that," Buffy told him.

"You will. A-And children."

She stared at him, her mouth agape. "Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I killed my goldfish."

"Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all. A normal life."

Buffy shook her head. "I'll never have a normal life."

"Right. You'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a normal relationship instead of this…this freakshow." He paused, seeing the look of devastation written all over Buffy's face. "I didn't mean that."

"I'm gonna go." She started to leave, not wanting to hear any more.

Angel reached out to her, grabbing her shoulder. "I'm sorry. You know how much I love you; it kills me to say this."

"Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this?" she asked him.

"Have you? Rationally?"

Buffy did her best to fight back the tears. 'I can't let him see me cry.' "No. No, of course not. I'm just some swooning little schoolgirl, right?"

"I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart," Angel reasoned.

"Heart? You have a heart? It's not even beating!" she shot angrily.

"Don't," he begged.

Buffy swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry, you know what? I didn't know I got a choice in that. I'm never going to change; I can't change. I want my life to be with you." 'Listen to reason, Angel. Please.'

He looked down, unable to say this while looking into her sad green eyes. "I don't."

"You don't wanna be with me?" It finally sunk in. "I can't believe you're breaking up with me."

"It doesn't mean that I don't–"

The rest of his sentence was cut off by the lifting of Buffy's hand. "How am I supposed to stay away from you?"

Angel sighed. "I'm leaving. After the Ascension. After it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go."

"Where?" she wanted to know.

"I don't know."

"Is this really happening?" she asked.

"Angel. You're here with me. I can hear your voice. Angel, please don't leave me again," she said.

Mrs. Summers jumped up from her chair when she heard her daughter speak for the first time in a month. "Dr. Donnelly, she's talking. Buffy just said something. She's coming out of it."

Dr. Donnelly had already turned around and was on his way to the girl's side. He'd heard the words, knowing it was a good sign. He flashed the light back in her eyes, noticing a significant improvement from only a minute before. Buffy's eyes were following the light. "It looks like you may be right, Joyce. It's amazing."

"She did it," Mrs. Summers rejoiced. "She killed them."

"Them?" he questioned.

She nodded. "The people that were keeping her there. We told her she had to get rid of them before she could come back to us and she finally did." She kissed her daughter's cheek. "Welcome back, Buffy. Your dad will be so excited when I tell him."

Buffy took several deep breaths, realizing she was no longer alone in the middle of the cemetery. Glancing around, she found herself in a small room with only a bed in the middle of it. To her left stood her mother, wearing a bright smile on her face. And to her right, she saw her love, dressed in dark pants, a white dress shirt and a white medical coat. "Angel," she whispered, focusing her eyes on the doctor.

He gave her a half-smile, the one that made her knees weak and her heart race. "It's been a long time since anybody's called me by that name," Dr. Donnelly told her. "Actually, I think my sister was the last person, and that was over ten years ago."

"You came back for me. I knew you couldn't leave. You still love me, don't you, Angel?" Buffy asked in a soft voice.

"I don't want you to get all worked up, Buffy Just lay down and rest. I have to talk to your mom."

She tensed. 'He's gonna leave me again.' "Don't leave. Please, don't leave. I'll be good, I promise. I told you I'd do anything to keep you from leaving me again. Just tell me what to do."

Dr. Donnelly placed his hand over hers. "It's okay. I'll be right outside with you mom. I'll stand in front of the window so you can see me. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly.

He nodded to Mrs. Summers, following her into the empty hallway. "Is she going to be okay, Doctor?"

"I don't know. She seems to think I'm someone else. Do you recall her mentioning this Angel person?"

"Yes. He was a man she loved in her other world. I don't know all the details of it, but from what I heard, he left her," she informed him.

"I see. When I was leaving, she must have thought he was here and getting ready to leave her again, and it brought her back to the real world."

"And if Buffy thinks you are him, you can bring her back to us completely. You brought her back to us; you got her out of her catatonia. I'll never be able to thank you enough," Mrs. Summers said.

"Don't thank me. I'm going to need to look more in-depth at your daughter's case. Find out what it was about him that brought her back, and why I triggered it. And what happened to the people she was with," he advised the older woman.

She smiled. "Okay. What if she asks for you? I mean, for him."

"Tell her I'll be back in a little while. But don't say anything about this Angel guy. If she does ask, make sure you refer to me as Dr. Donnelly, or even Liam. The last thing Buffy needs is to be thinking she's still there. Just talk to her as if nothing changed since you brought her here. But whatever you do, don't mention Angel. Not until I find out more about their relationship."

Mrs. Summers went back inside her daughter's room, finding her in the same position they had left her in – laying on her back, staring at the ceiling. "I'm back, Buffy. Say something. Say anything."

"Angel," she moaned softly. "I can't feel him. He's not here with me anymore. I wanna go back."

"No! Listen to me, your dad and I need you, so don't even think about going back there. And Liam hasn't left you, he just had some other patients he needed to take care of. He told me to tell you he'll be back before you know it," Mrs. Summers told Buffy.

The patient closed her eyes and smiled. "Liam. That was Angel's name before he was turned. He really is here with me."

Mrs. Summers sat down on the bed next to her, holding one of her hands. "Do you know who I am?"

Buffy looked closely at the woman seated next to her. The voice was familiar, but what she saw could not be true. "Mom. You can't be here, you're dead. I found your body on the living room couch almost a year ago! It's all their fault, they're playing tricks on me. They are making me see things I want to see."

"Nobody's playing tricks on you, sweetie. I'm right here, I am alive and well." She took Buffy's hand and laid it flat against her cheek. "See? Warm."

She shook her head violently. "No. No, it can't be true. They're trying to make me believe you're real, but you're not."

"Who's doing this to you back there?"

"Jonathon and his dorky friends. First, one of them built a robot for Spike who looked exactly like me, then they made me invisible and now this. I have to stop them before they find another way to hurt me," Buffy told her mother. "I need to get back to Sunnydale."

'Buffy knows she's not in Sunnydale. Which means she's here with us; mind, body and spirit. It's a miracle!' "Do you know where you are right now, Buffy?"

She nodded sadly. "The clinic in L.A.. But I have to get home."

"L.A. is your home. Don't you want to be with your mom and dad anymore? Everyone who loves you is in L.A.."

"Angel's in L.A.. I love him and I need to be with him."

"Isn't that enough reason to stay? To be with the man you love?" 'Maybe saying that will convince her that she belongs here and not in that Sunnydale place.'

Tears filled her large green eyes. "He left me. If I stay in L.A., will he leave me again?"

'He must have hurt her so badly when he left her other world.' "You can ask Liam when he gets back. But, somehow, I don't think he's going anywhere."

"Still here, Dr. Donnelly?" Nurse Annabelle Michaels asked, popping her head through his open office door. "I assumed with your doubled patient load this week, you'd be dead tired by now."

Shaking his head, Dr. Liam Donnelly smiled at the friendly nurse. "I thrive on stress, you know that."

"Yeah, I know. There's a rumor going around that Buffy Summers had a major breakthrough when you examined her this evening. Is there any truth to it?"

"Yes. She came out of her catatonia a few hours ago. That's actually why I'm still here; I want to read over her file so I can find out exactly what happened to her. Buffy kept calling out for someone and I want to find out more about him," he told the nurse.

"Well, happy hunting. See you tomorrow afternoon."

"Bye, Annabelle."

Once she closed the door, he opened Buffy Summers' file. He'd already read some of Dr. Torres' entries, learning that she had been brought to the clinic when she was fifteen for claiming her sole purpose for being on this earth was to stop vampires. She called herself a Slayer, the Chosen One for her generation, the only girl powerful enough to stop the vampires from taking over. And that was the beginning of her descent into madness.

Dr. Donnelly couldn't stop reading, silently praising Dr. Torres' affinity for details. Not long after being brought to the clinic, Buffy's schizophrenic delusions only increased. In her mind, her parents divorced, she got kicked out of high school, and she and Mrs. Summers moved to a small town called Sunnydale, a town described as being two hours away from the nearest Neiman Marcus.

He read about her friends – Willow Rosenberg, the redheaded computer geek; Xander Harris, the dark-haired goofball Willow had been best friends with her entire life; Rupert Giles, the British librarian who revealed himself to Buffy as her new Watcher; and Cordelia Chase, a no-nonsense girl Buffy described as being rich and self-centered. Then there was the infamous Angel.

They met the first week she moved to Sunnydale. Buffy was instantly attracted to the cryptic mystery man, saying later that the name Angel fit him perfectly. Their early relationship was antagonistic, he followed her around, giving her cryptic warnings about upcoming dangers before finally revealing his true identity a few months later.

But it was too late by that time. Buffy had already fallen head over heels in love with Angel when she found out who he really was. He was a vampire, known as Angelus, the Scourge of Europe prior to being cursed with a soul by Romany Gypsies in 1898. The two fell in love, unable to stop themselves even though they knew how wrong their love was. Things heated up, until the night of Buffy's seventeenth birthday when they made for the first – and only – time.

Dr. Donnelly felt himself begin to tear up when he read about the events of the next few months. Angel lost his soul after their lovemaking, terrorized her and killed her Watcher's girlfriend, tried to suck the world into a hell dimension, only to have his soul restored in time for Buffy to kill him. It was around that time that she fell into one of her catatonic states, until he returned from hell in October. Then she started coming around again.

After he'd read of Buffy and Angel's breakup senior year of high school, and his subsequent exit from Sunnydale, Dr. Donnelly had to stop reading. He was so emotional over reading the tragic love story between the two that he couldn't continue. To him, it was like reading Romeo and Juliet all over again. One thing that struck him was Buffy's description of Angel: tall, dark and handsome, with caring, loving brown eyes and spikey brown hair. Looking at himself in the mirror hanging on his wall, Liam Donnelly sighed. 'No wonder she thought I was him. From her description, I *am* him.'

"I thought you were supposed to be home at eight o'clock," his girlfriend Emma Novick complained when Liam Donnelly finally walked into his apartment. "Your rounds were over then and it's after ten. Where have you been, Liam?"

He sat down on the couch, slumping his shoulders in exhaustion. "Sorry. Long day today. One of Miguel's patients had a major breakthrough and I had to do some research."

"You could have called. It was very inconsiderate of you, we had plans for the night."

"Emma, don't start. You know I'm a doctor, which means my job is never over. I had a patient who needed me, and I wasn't about to ignore her needs so I could return here and play house with you," Liam exploded.

Emma placed her hands on her hips. "Don't get angry with me. I am your girlfriend and you never pay any attention to me. All you care about is your patients. What's the big deal about this one? It's not even *your* patient. Let someone else deal with her problems."

He put his hands over his eyes, not wanting to deal with an argument with his possessive girlfriend. "You have no compassion whatsoever, do you? People depend on me. If you don't like it, you can leave. The door is right over there."

"Fine, I will. But if I walk out that door, I won't come back. I hope you know that."

"I know. Goodbye, Emma."

As she walked out the door with a huff, Liam stretched out and thought about Buffy Summers, and how it was he existed in her other world.

The next day, Liam began his rounds at noon like he always did. It had been a long time since he'd looked forward to them; he preferred the one-on-one sessions he shared with his patients to the quick, impersonal five minute visits at the beginning of his shift. And if there was one patient Liam looked forward to seeing that day, it was Buffy Summers. Ever since he'd read her case file the night before, he couldn't get her out of his mind. He wanted to find out everything, but he wanted to hear it in her own words.

When he entered her room at one-fifteen, Buffy was sitting on her bed, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking back and forth. Her blonde hair fell over her face and she was muttering something incoherent to him. "Buffy?" Liam asked. "Is something wrong?"

"Not enough time. I'll never forget, I'll never forget, I'll never forget," she repeated over and over again.

Gingerly, he sat down on the bed next to her. "Never forget what, Buffy?"

She lifted her head when his voice entered her subconscious mind. "Angel. You're still here. You said the Powers That Be were turning back time and I would forget everything. But I remember, and you didn't go away. I thought I was going to lose you forever." Tears streamed down her pale cheeks.

'She still thinks I'm Angel,' Liam told himself. "Tell me about the day. Why were the Powers going to turn back time?" He didn't recall reading about that particular incident in Dr. Torres' file.

His question triggered something inside Buffy. 'Why would Angel have to ask me that? He remembers that day as well as I do.' When she gazed into the concerned eyes of the handsome doctor sitting next to her, it hit her. "Who are you?" she asked softly. "You look and sound like Angel, but you're not him. What are you doing here?" Frightened, Buffy slid further away from the doctor.

"It's okay, Buffy. I'm not going to hurt you," Liam reassured her.

"Then who are you?!" After a momentary pause, she jumped off the bed and ran to the far corner of the room. "You're evil again. Go away, Angelus! Stop torturing me!"

Not wanting to scare her further, or send her into another catatonic episode, he remained on the bed. "Nobody's trying to torture you, and I assure you, I'm not Angelus."

"You are playing mind games with me, but it won't work this time. Because I'm not falling for it. You can't hurt me anymore, Angelus. All of my family…all of my friends are dead."

"Dead?" Liam questioned. "How did it happen?"

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't become you. Mom died a year ago, you know that. You came…no, wait, it was Angel. *My* Angel."

"What about the rest of them?"

Slowly, she walked over to the bed once again. Whoever this man sitting there was, he certainly wasn't Angelus. The evil vampire never would have cared enough to ask what happened to her friends; he would have gloated over their deaths. "They're dead. I watched while a demon killed them. I heard Angel's voice in the cemetery, so I went back home and found an ugly, scaly demon in the house with them. I wanted to be with Angel so badly that I didn't try to save them. I killed my friends." Buffy sniffled. "All to be with Angel. I thought you were him, but you're not Angel."

"No, I'm not. But I'm not Angelus, either. Believe me, Buffy, I didn't come here to hurt you. I want to help you."

"Why? Why would you want to help me?"

Liam watched as she sat back down next to him. She looked so lost and lonely, and in desperate need of a friend. "I'm a doctor at Meadow Woods Clinic. My name is William Donnelly, but you can call me Liam if you'd like."

"I like the name Liam. That was Angel's name. Did you know that?" she wanted to know.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, I think I read it in the notes Dr. Torres wrote."

"Dr. Torres? I think I know him."

"Sure you do, he's your doctor. He has been since you first got here. Do you know how long you've been here?"

"At the hospital? A long time, I guess," she answered. For some reason, Buffy trusted Liam. Not because he could be Angel's identical twin, but because there was something about him that made her feel completely at ease. And with him there, she didn't want to return to Sunnydale. She could feel safe again.

He flashed her a smile, and she returned the favor. The sight of Buffy's smile tugged at his heartstrings. "Yes, a long time. Six years, actually. Can you tell me why you were brought here?"

"Because Mom and Dad thought I was crazy."

"Do you think you're crazy?"

She shook her head at the question. "No. I swear to god, Liam, they were there. The vampires. Why doesn't anyone believe me?"

"I don't know. Maybe because it's a little far-fetched. Don't you think so?" he asked her.

"It's true, though."

"Okay, I have an idea. How about you and I go out tonight and…what do you call it? Patrol? See if we can come across any."

"No!" she exclaimed. "It's too dangerous. I don't want you to get hurt. Not like Angel did when he was human that day."

He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Buffy, I want you to be truthful with me, and don't get angry when I ask you this. Do you want to go back to Sunnydale or stay here?"

"I want to stay here with you."

"Then you have to say something, and you have to believe it with your whole heart. You need to tell me, tell everyone that vampires don't exist. Would you say it for me?"

"I-I don't know. I don't think I can."

"If you want to get better, you have to. Don't you want to get better? Get healthy again and go home with your parents? Start living a normal life again?" Liam probed. He was going to do everything in his power to make this girl well again.

"Yes, I do. I wanna be healthy again. I wanna go home."

"Then please, say it. For me."

Buffy took a deep breath. She knew her words would seal her fate. But she trusted Liam, and if he said she would get better if she said it, it had to be true. "They're not real," she whispered. "Vampires aren't real. It was all in my head." Pausing, she let out a sob. "I want to be healthy again. Help me get healthy again, Liam. Please."

She collapsed against him, and Liam held her to him while she cried into his coat. "I will help you. I'll be here every step of the way, Buffy. You have my word."

"So, Doc, what do you want to talk about today?" Buffy asked with a bright smile when she sat down on the plush couch in Liam's office.

Nearly a month had passed by since her decision to get healthy again. They'd been meeting for an hour every weekday, Buffy talking to him about anything that happened to be on her mind. Although, most days it ended up being an hour-long discussion of Angel. Liam was the only person she felt comfortable opening up to; when Dr. Torres returned from his vacation shortly after her awakening, Buffy vehemently refused to work with him. Due to her protests, her case was handed over to Liam on a full-time basis.

"I thought we'd talk about something different today," he suggested. Even though he enjoyed hearing about Buffy and Angel's maudlin love affair, Liam wanted to learn about the other men in her life. "Tell me about some of the other relationships you've had. The ones after Angel left."

She nodded. "Okay, I can do that. The summer after he left Sunnydale was pretty boring, even by Sunnydale standards. I danced with a couple of guys at the Bronze, but I wasn't attracted to any of them. I don't know if it was the way they spoke to me or the way they touched me or what, but none of them felt right to me. Maybe because I always found myself comparing them to Angel, and they never measured up.

"Then school started. I felt lonely, every one of my friends had someone to love except me." Buffy choked back the tears burning in the back of her throat. "Well, a few weeks later, my roommate was really starting to get on my nerves. To get away from her, I cut in front of this guy in the food line. He was…so perfect. I thought I'd finally met the guy who would make me forget all about Angel. His name was Parker Abrams, and he was everything I'd been looking for – good-looking, funny, smart and…and human. And then I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I-I slept with him.

"But he didn't love me; he didn't even care about me. I ended up being another one of his conquests. I made love to him, I gave myself to him completely and you know what he called it? Fun. He hurt me so much, even more than Angel did when he left me. Because Angel left me because he loved me, Parker didn't even care about me enough to call the next day."

Liam grabbed a tissue off his desk, walked over to Buffy and handed it to her. "Here, you look like you could use this," he offered.

"Thank you." She dabbed her eyes with it. "It just hurts to talk about it sometimes. Even though I know now it wasn't real, I still lived it in my mind."

"I understand. Maybe talking about this wasn't such a good idea. You might need a little more time."

Buffy shook her head. "I'm okay. If talking about this helps me get better, then I want to do it." She laughed softly. "You know what? I'm glad it wasn't real. I don't have to live with the guilt anymore."

"What guilt?" he wanted to know.

"The guilt of knowing I was taken in by seductive words and a pretty face. He used me. Here, I would never have let any man do that. And I never will."

He sat down on the other side of the couch, facing her. "Not all men are like that, Buffy. I know I'd never do that to you."

She gazed at him with curious eyes. "You wouldn't have?"

He turned away, embarrassed by what he'd just said to his patient. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, I'm your doctor."

"Liam, it's okay."

"No, it's not okay." Desperate to change the subject from his comment, Liam cleared his throat. "What about after Parker? You were seeing a graduate student named Riley Finn, right? What happened between the two of you?"

"Riley was a great guy, but things were complicated between us from the start. See, he was part of a demon-hunting organization called The Initiative. I really don't want to go into all the details of it, but suffice it to say, the group wasn't exactly what it claimed to be. Anyway, Riley and I started seeing each other a little before my nineteenth birthday. I was determined not to have another office romance, considering how it turned out for me and Angel.

"But I couldn't help myself. Riley was everything I thought Parker was, only this time it turned out to be true. He really *was* nice and funny and smart. And he was strong, he could fight demons and take on a vamp without a problem. We started out slow, but we really couldn't stop ourselves, and we started sleeping together after about a month. It was like we couldn't get enough of each other."

He looked at his patient closely. "A very intense relationship. Sounds like everything was perfect. But I feel a 'but' coming on."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, there is. Riley always seemed so confident, so sure of himself. He wasn't, though. Xander…well, I had to tell Riley about Angel, but I couldn't tell him everything; I left out the curse and its trigger. So when I had to leave town for a little while to help Angel with Faith, by the time I got back, Xander had already told Riley everything. I mean *everything.* And to say he wasn't happy would be the understatement of the century. He and Angel got into an out-and-out brawl a few days later, and I had to choose between these two wonderful men. In the end, I chose Riley.

"However, he couldn't stand the love I still felt for Angel. He began showing this inferiority complex because he knew a part of me would always love Angel. Riley could never touch that part of me and it drove him crazy. So he started turning to…other forms of pleasure because I just wasn't doing it for him anymore. A vampire whorehouse; he got off on having vampires bite him. And he blamed it on me. He wanted to know what was so exhilarating about it that I didn't stop Angel or Dracula when they fed off me."

Liam could see Buffy start to shake. Obviously, telling the story was taking its toll on her. "Buffy, you don't have to go on. If it makes you feel better, we don't have to talk about it."

She took several deep breaths in order to compose herself. "I have to talk about this, it'll help me get better, right? And I want to get better."

"Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Yep. Anyway, Riley really hurt me when he left town. I spent weeks wondering what was wrong with me and why all the men I loved had to leave me. *Really* leave me. I loved Riley, and I gave him my heart, body and soul."

"Were you *in* love with him?" Liam questioned.

Shrugging, Buffy bit her lip. "I loved who he was and what he stood for. But I was never in love with him. I'd spent so long being in love with Angel, I don't think I know how to be in love with somebody else."

"I see. Angel was the only one for you."

"Exactly."

"And Spike?"

Buffy laughed. "That one's easy. We used each other. He was in love with me and wanted to get in my pants, and I needed to feel alive. Having sex with him made me feel whole again. When I ended it, Spike started threatening to tell everyone about our sex-capades." She closed her eyes and sighed. "Does that make me a slut? I mean, I know it wasn't real and everything, but if it were, would I be?"

"No, not at all. Giving yourself to four different men doesn't qualify you for the Slut Hall of Fame. Trust me, it doesn't."

"You don't think any less of me?"

Liam inched closer to her. "No, I don't think any less of you. You're an amazing young woman, Buffy. Those things only happened in your mind, but that person in your mind isn't you. Just remember that."

"I'm just Buffy Summers, Normal Girl. Right?"

"Right."

"I like being normal again. And I like having you here to talk to."

He gave her a half-smile. "Well, I like talking to you, too."

Buffy lifted her hand, bringing it to Liam's face. "It's amazing how much you look like him. You have the same face, the same eyes…I always loved his eyes. I could lose myself in them. Why do you look like him, Liam?"

"I wish I knew."

"Do you…" She didn't finish the sentence. Instead, she brought her lips to his in a slow, soft kiss that took both of their breaths away.

Her kiss was the last thing Liam expected. Even as her hands found the sensitive spot on the back of his neck, his mind screamed at him to pull away. It was unethical for him to be kissing a patient. At the same time, his heart told him to keep going, that the kiss was meant to be and he shouldn't fight it. And the doctor felt himself torn between listening to his heart and his head.

For Buffy, the decision to kiss the doctor wasn't a split-second one. It was something she'd wanted to do since they'd begun having their sessions. She felt herself being drawn to him, and his resemblance to her true love couldn't have been a coincidence. In her heart and in her mind, she knew she was meant to be with him.

The kiss continued, neither pulling away. For the tiny blonde, it was the chance to feel normal again; she craved the feeling she got form being in Liam's embrace – a feeling of being alive and safe and free, all at the same time. For Liam, it was a connection to a woman that ventured beyond the physical and beyond the intellectual. In his thirty-two years, he'd never felt an emotional connection to anyone. He couldn't explain why Buffy triggered it.

But when her tongue began to probe his mouth, Liam knew he had to pull away before things went too far. Using all his willpower, he pried his lips from hers. "We can't be doing this, Buffy," he stated breathlessly.

"Why?" Buffy licked her lips, still able to taste him.

"Because it's wrong. It's unethical for a doctor to have feel–" He stopped himself from completing the sentence. "I can't be kissing you."

She shook her head in disagreement. "That isn't what you were going to say, Liam."

Liam stood up; he needed to put some distance between himself and his attractive patient. "You're right, it wasn't. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what I feel. I have a job to do."

"It should matter," she reasoned. "You can't help what you feel. It's only human nature."

He smiled in spite of himself. "How did you get to be so wise?"

"Experience. What happened in Sunnydale might not have been real, but I remember every lesson I learned along the way."

"Look, maybe we should call it a day," Liam suggested. "I think it's been quite an eventful session as it is."

Buffy could sense he wanted to be alone. "Okay," she said softly, afraid she'd ruined things between them. "Are you angry at me for kissing you like that?"

"No, I'm not." 'I am angry at myself for letting my feelings get in the way.'

"Honey, you look great," Mrs. Summers commented that night when she stopped by the hospital to visit her daughter. "You have some color back in your cheeks."

"Thank you, Mom. I feel great."

The older woman sighed with happiness. "You have no idea how wonderful it is to have you back. Pretty soon, if all goes well, you can come home again."

"Really?" She had been so preoccupied with her therapy – and her growing feelings for Liam Donnelly – that the idea of returning home didn't cross her mind.

"Of course. Your room is just the way you left it; we didn't change a thing." Mrs. Summers paused. "Unless it would make you feel better if we did change it."

Buffy shook her head. "No, it's fine. I guess I haven't given much thought to going home. When will I?"

"Well, according to Dr. Donnelly, if your treatment continues as it has in recent weeks, you should be released in a couple more weeks. He's amazed by all the progress you've made in the past month. If he wasn't confident in your state of mental health, I'm sure he wouldn't let you go yet."

"Mom, if I ask you a question, will you be honest with me?" Buffy asked.

"Sure. What's the question?"

She took a deep breath. "What do you think of Liam? Not as a doctor, but as a person. You know, as a man."

"I don't know. He seems very nice. I've liked him from the very beginning. There must be something remarkable about him if he brought you back to us."

"He is remarkable," Buffy agreed.

Noticing her daughter's far-off gaze, Mrs. Summers realized what was happening. "Buffy, something's going on between the two of you, isn't there?"

"What would you say if I told you I want to spend the rest of my life with him?" she wanted to know.

'I'd say you were crazy,' she thought to herself, but couldn't very well say that to her recovering daughter. "You are just starting to get well again, and it was Liam Donnelly who helped you find the road to getting better. I can see why you'd think you love him but, Buffy, it's hero worship. Granted, he's a good-looking man…"

"He is."

"I just don't want you to get attached. And if seeing him every day is causing you to have feelings for him, maybe you'd be better off with another doctor."

"No. Liam is the reason I'm better. You can't make me see another doctor," Buffy told her mother. "He's the only one who can help me."

"Okay. But I don't want you doing anything that will put your health in jeopardy. I'm sure these feelings you have for him stem from his close resemblance to that Angel guy. You miss being in love. Honey, when you get out of here, you are going to meet a lot of young men. And you'll fall in love and get married and give me and your father grandchildren. And you will forget about all this nonsense with Liam Donnelly."

She just nodded in agreement, not wanting to get into an argument with her mother. 'It's not nonsense. I love him. And I will be with him, I don't care what anybody says.'

At the kitchen table inside Liam's modest-sized home, he sat with piles of papers scattered in front of him. Buffy Summers had become his obsession, and he wanted desperately to find a connection between himself and the Angel who existed in Sunnydale. He knew there had to be a reason for the similarities between them. And Liam refused to rest until he found an answer.

'March 10, 1997,' he said to himself. 'That's the first time she encountered Angel in the alley.' Grabbing his personal journal, he searched for the entry he made on that particular date. Ever since he started working at Meadow Woods, he'd kept a log of the goings on for his own personal reference. Carefully, he read over his notes.

3/10/97 – MY FIRST DAY AT THE CLINIC AND I THINK I'M GOING TO LIKE IT HERE. FOR THE FIRST YEAR OR SO, I'LL BE FOLLOWING DR. MIGUEL TORRES ON HIS ROUNDS. I'LL GET TO MEET HIS PATIENTS AND LEARN FROM SOMEONE WHO IS MORE KNOWLEDGABLE THAN ANY PROFESSOR I'D HAD AT UCLA. MAYBE IT'S ONLY WISHFUL THINKING ON MY PART, BUT I THINK I CONNECTED WITH ONE OF HIS PATIENTS TODAY. SHE SUFFERS FROM SCHIZOPHRENIA, AND DR. TORRES TOLD ME SHE DOESN'T DO MUCH OF ANYTHING EXCEPT STARE AT THE CEILING. BUT WHEN I SPOKE TO HER TODAY, THE GIRL LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND SMILED. IT MADE ME FEEL THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN SOMEBODY'S LIFE. I WISH I COULD REMEMBER HER NAME; ALL I REMEMBER IS HER BLONDE HAIR AND LOVELY GREEN EYES. SHE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE THAN SIXTEEN.

Liam removed his reading glasses. "Oh my god," he stated. "Buffy met Angel the day I first encountered her. I can't believe it. I *am* Angel to her."

After more digging, he discovered more patterns developing. On June 2, 1997, she tried to kill herself by stabbing a fork into her neck, and Liam was the one who found her and stopped the bleeding. According to the file, a vampire killed her and Angel was the one who found her. And most strikingly, on May 22, 1999, Angel left Sunnydale – and Buffy – forever. It was the last day Liam worked alongside Dr. Torres before transferring to another wing of the clinic. Also on that day, there had been a fire in Buffy's wing, coinciding with the explosion that demolished Sunnydale High.

"She knew what was going on around her the whole time," Liam remarked. "Buffy inserted everything into her life in Sunnydale."

"You get to go home tomorrow, Buffy," Liam told his favorite patient on May third. "Aren't you excited about that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's great, I guess. I've been in here for long enough." The lack of enthusiasm was apparent in her voice.

"You're not happy, I can tell. You've come a long way since we started working together. That's something you should be proud of. What's really going on? Why don't you want to go home with your parents?" he wanted to know. He could sense something wasn't right with her.

"Because it means I won't be able to see you anymore," Buffy admitted. "I don't understand why I have to start seeing another doctor. It doesn't make sense; you're my doctor."

"I wish I could keep seeing you, too. But hospital rules state that once a patient leaves the clinic, he or she begins the transition into the outside world with a new doctor." Liam hated having to lie to her, but it was a necessary lie. Working as her doctor had become a conflict of interest for him. Even though he could see outside patients, it would be unethical to treat Buffy when he was falling more in love with her with each passing day.

"It's still not fair," she complained.

"I know it isn't. You know what? Let's do something different for our last session; it's a beautiful, sunny day outside. Why don't we go for a walk?"

Her face broke out in a huge smile. "I would really like that. Can we go to the pond over there? I've wanted to go there since I first saw it." Buffy pointed out Liam's office window to the small pond to the left of the clinic.

"Anything you want. and we'll make it very informal today. No tape recorders, and you get to pick the subject of discussion. Anything under the sun."

"Anything, huh?" she pondered aloud as they walked down the hall toward the front entrance. Liam signed her out for an hour and held the door open for her.

"It's beautiful today, isn't it?" he asked her. The sun shone brightly from the sky and the air was warm and dry.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. I haven't been outside in so long. It feels wonderful to breathe fresh air again. I feel alive."

They reached the pond a few minutes later. He watched as Buffy ran her fingers over the still surface, causing the water to ripple across the pond. Two ducks floated along the water, keeping their distance from the doctor and his patient. Liam could not keep himself from smiling at the simplicity of her action.

"Did you come up with any ideas yet?" he wanted to know. "What are we going to talk about today?"

"Uh-huh. I don't want to talk about me anymore. I think my brain's been dissected enough," Buffy stated. "So, I want to talk about you."

"Me?"

Buffy grinned at his shocked reaction. "Sure. I get to pick the topic, right? And I want to know all about you. So spill it, Doc."

They settled under the shade a nearby tree. "I'm very boring. Unfortunately, there's not much to tell."

"I don't care. I think you're pretty interesting. Please?"

The pleading in her voice practically broke his heart. "All right, but don't say I didn't warn you. I'm thirty-two, my birthday's on Christmas. Which means as a child, I got totally screwed for presents. Having a birthday on Christmas isn't something I'd wish on any child. Anyway, I have a younger sister named Kathleen, but I call her Kathy just to tease her. She hates it, but teasing her has always been a form of enjoyment for me. She's twelve years younger than I am."

"She's almost my age," Buffy commented.

"Yes, she'll be twenty-one later this year. She attends Columbia University and she's studying political science. My parents live in Santa Barbara, where my dad's a successful pediatrician and my mom's a retired teacher."

"Is that why you became a doctor? So you could follow in your father's footsteps?" Buffy asked him.

Liam thought for a moment. "I never thought about it like that, but yeah, you're right. I guess I wanted to be like my dad. Although by the time he was my age, he had a wife and a seven year old son. He's certainly got me beat in the family department."

Buffy secretly crossed her fingers before asking her next question. "No wife or girlfriend for the handsome Dr. Donnelly?"

He shook his head. "Nope. The last serious girlfriend I had broke up with me several months ago. Emma didn't like the amount of time I spent here."

"She was the jealous type, huh?" she deduced.

"You could say that."

Silence filled the air around them. Neither knew what to say after that. It was almost a full minute before Buffy spoke again. "I don't want to go back out there again, Liam. I'm scared."

He gazed at her, hypnotized by her piercing green eyes. "Why? You have absolutely no reason to be afraid. The real world hasn't changed that much since you came here."

"But I've changed. What if I don't fit in anymore? What if people still think I'm crazy? Or, what if it's so hard that I try to go back to Sunnydale? What if this isn't real?" Her lower lip trembled as tears burned her eyes.

He cupped her chin in his hand. "You have too many 'what ifs' there, Buffy. You have made remarkable progress, and I know for a fact you're going to be fine. I know you're unsure right now, but I promise everything is going to work out for the best," Liam reassured her. "I would sign your release papers if I didn't think you were ready."

Buffy inched her face closer to his. "Promise?"

"Promise."

The word barely escaped his mouth before Buffy's lips descended upon his. Her palms were pressed flat against his chest before they slipped between the buttons of his shirt and caressed his bare skin underneath. Liam ran his fingers through her shoulder-length blonde hair while his right hand massaged her back. She pressed herself up against him; he could feel her heart beating through her shirt and feel the heat radiating from her body.

When the kiss ended a short while later, they didn't quite know what to say. Both had agreed not to let it happen after the last time. "I'm sorry," Buffy apologized. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I know you don't," he replied.

"No, wait. I'm not sorry. Dammit, Liam, can't you see what's going on here? Don't you feel it? I love you."

He looked at the ducks floating along the pond, purposely keeping his eyes off her. "No, Buffy. You can't."

"I do. That's why I don't want to leave here. Because if I leave, that means I'll never see you again."

"Maybe that would be better for you. I'm here for you, Buffy. I'll always be here for you. But not like that. I can't be." 'Which is exactly why I can't be your doctor anymore.'

She stood up, her eyes glassy from her unshed tears. "I thought you felt the same thing I felt. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll leave you alone. Tell me, Liam."

He never responded.

Buffy sat down on her bed while she watched her parents pack her suitcase. After six years at Meadow Woods Clinic, she was finally leaving. Mr. and Mrs. Summers were thrilled beyond the telling of it, but for Buffy, it was bittersweet. Part of her was excited at the prospect of returning home, but a larger part of her felt upset at the mere thought of never seeing Liam again. Moving toward the future meant leaving behind the man she loved.

"Do we have everything?" Mrs. Summers asked her husband.

Mr. Summers nodded his head. "The closet is empty and there's nothing left in the dresser. I think we're ready to leave."

"No!" Buffy exclaimed.

Her parents stared at each other, and then at her, in astonishment. "What do you mean by 'no'?" her mother wanted to know. "Honey, you've been looking forward to this for two weeks now."

"I can't leave yet."

Mr. Summers took a seat next to her, placing his hand on her right leg. "What's wrong? Why don't you want to leave yet?"

She looked down, saddened. "I'm afraid of leaving. What if everything is different from when I got here? Daddy, I'm so scared."

"I know you are, sweetie. But I promise you, everything is going to be fine. You'll fit in perfectly. If you were so worried about going back home, you should have spoken to Dr. Donnelly about it. He could have reassured you that you're well enough to leave."

"I did tell him that. And he said the same thing you did."

He smiled at his nervous daughter. "See? Your doctor and I agree on that. Maybe I should have gone into Psychiatry. Don't worry about a thing."

"Are you sure?"

"You have my word. Come on, let's get going."

Buffy stood up. "Wait. There's somebody I want to say goodbye to before I go. Can I meet you down in the front lobby in a couple minutes?"

"Sure. We'll be waiting downstairs for you."

"Thank you." She practically ran out of the room.

Mr. Summers glanced at his wife. "I wonder who she's going to see. I don't recall her mentioning any friends here at the clinic," he commented.

"She doesn't have any friends here. But I think I know who she went to say goodbye to." 'Liam Donnelly.'

Taking a deep breath, Buffy prepared to knock on Liam's office door. She wanted to see him one more time before she left; wanted to tell him how much she loved him and would miss him. She softly knocked on the door, waiting for him to answer it. "Liam?" she called when he didn't answer.

Still no answer. "Liam, it's Buffy. I came to say goodbye; I-I'm leaving in a few minutes." There was silence on the other side of the door, making Buffy wonder if Liam was even inside his office. "I love you," she stated before walking away.

On the other side, Liam stood with his hand on the doorknob while Buffy had been there. He wanted desperately to see her one last time, but couldn't bring himself to open the door and say goodbye. Hearing her voice tugged at his heartstrings. Chances were, he'd never see her again, and the thought broke his heart into a million pieces.

'She's leaving,' he said to himself. 'Why on earth didn't I open the door and say goodbye?' Liam sighed. 'Because if I said goodbye, that would mean it's forever. I don't want it to be forever.'

He made his way over to the large window overlooking the grounds of the clinic. Five minutes later, he caught sight of Buffy's parents walking to their car, with Buffy trailing a few feet behind them. She turned around to look in the direction of the clinic, staring into the window of Liam's office. Seeing a shadow at the window, Buffy waved and smiled at it before turning back around toward her parents.

At the window, Liam felt a tear slip out of his eye and fall down his cheek. "I love you, too, Buffy," he finally said aloud, though he knew she would never hear his words.

The Summers family pulled into the driveway of their home. "We're home, honey," Mr. Summers announced. "Welcome back."

"Home sweet home," she mumbled as she stepped out of the backseat of the car.

"What do you want to do first?" her mother wanted to know. "Watch TV? Play a video game? Maybe get some sun?"

Buffy looked around the yard. Nothing had changed since the last time she'd been there; it put her mind at ease. "Can I just sit out here for a little while? I'd kinda like a little fresh air."

Her father nodded. "Sure. Your mom and I will bring your bags to your room and get your lunch ready. Would you like some soup?"

"Macaroni and cheese?" she suggested. "It's been a really long time since I've had that. Can I?"

"Anything you want."

"Thanks," she said with a smile on her pretty face. "I'll be inside in a couple minutes. I want to collect my thoughts."

Once her parents entered the house, Buffy sat herself down on the steps of the front porch. As glad as she was to be home, she missed the safety and security of the clinic. She felt out of place in the real world, but she couldn't help remembering Liam's promise that everything would work out for the best. And coming from him, she believed it.

"Buffy? Buffy Summers?" a woman called, walking across the front yard to the twenty-one year old girl.

Buffy looked up, seeing an elderly woman making her way over. "Mrs. Patterson?" Mrs. Patterson was their neighbor from two doors down.

"It *is* you. I thought so. When did you get back from the hospital?"

"Today." She paused. "Um, how did you know about me being at the clinic?"

Mrs. Patterson gave her a knowing smile. "Everybody knows where you've been, Buffy. You were having hallucinations about vampires. Since you're home, I guess that means you're cured."

"Yeah. Cured," Buffy replied half-heartedly. "Excuse me, but I'm going back in the house."

"It was nice to see you again. And I'm glad you're back home where you belong. See you around, Buffy." Mrs. Patterson gave Buffy a pat on the head and headed back toward her house.

But she only nodded her head in response. 'Everybody and their brother knows I was sick. So much for fitting in perfectly. I want to go back. I hate it here. I hate it!'

Three weeks had passed by since Buffy left the clinic, and things showed no signs of improving. She felt out of place in her own home, in her neighborhood, and in the outside world as a whole. It seemed everywhere she went, people stared at her, and it made her very self-conscious. In her mind, Buffy began to think they all knew about her troubles. She wanted more than anything to talk to someone about it, but she knew her parents would never understand what she was going through.

On top of all that, she hated her new doctor, Dr. Myles. Even though he came highly recommended by Liam, he offered a far cry from the supportive treatment she'd received from Dr. Donnelly. Buffy often found herself wondering why Liam would have suggested that she seek treatment from a doctor so different from him. Dr. Myles wasn't at all interested in her life in fictional Sunnydale; he seemed more concerned about the real-life events that caused her to retreat into her fantasy life. Each session made her long for the laid back sessions she'd had with Liam.

"Dr. Myles had a very good suggestion for us today," Mrs. Summers told Buffy as the two of them drove home from her session. "And I wholeheartedly agree with him."

Buffy frowned. 'This ought to be interesting.' "What does Dr. Evil think you should do?" For her, it couldn't be worse than his last idea. He told her parents a week earlier that it was detrimental to Buffy's recovery to keep her bedroom decorated the exact same way it had been when she entered the clinic. So they went out the following afternoon looking for new wallpaper and furniture.

"I wish you'd stop calling him that," her mother sighed. "He's a very good doctor."

"He's a quack. I don't like him."

"Are you going to listen to me or are you going to complain about Dr. Myles the entire ride home?"

She groaned, relenting. There was no way of winning an argument with her mother. "Fine. What did the amazing Dr. Myles have to say today?"

"Well, he thinks it would be a good idea for you to get out more often. Ever since you came home, all you seem to do is sit around the house watching soap operas. Buffy, it's time for you to start meeting people your own age."

"I don't want to go out, especially not with people my own age. Everyone I went to high school with thinks I'm a total nutcase. I went from being Miss Popularity to Miss Freakshow. And I won't go back to that," argued Buffy.

Mrs. Summers shook her head. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to at least try it. I'm not asking you to call up all your old friends and start spending countless hours with them. Just go out on your own, reintegrate yourself into society once again. Because you won't meet anyone sitting around the house."

"I don't want to meet anyone."

"Dr. Myles thinks you should. All this time you've been spending alone has made you antisocial. What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid of anything!" exploded Buffy. "Geez, when did Dr. Myles become God Almighty? He doesn't know what's best for me, I do."

Her mother frowned. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Buffy. "He's a medical professional, honey. Dr. Myles knows what is good for your health."

"And when did you become his lackey?" she shot back. "What if he told you kicking me out of your house was good for me? Would you tell me to pack my bags and leave?"

Mrs. Summers fumed at Buffy's outburst. "Buffy Anne Summers, you are seriously pushing the limits of my patience. Whether you like it or not, you are going to have to start living again. I will no longer stand for you moping around the house like a sullen teenager. Tomorrow, I am driving you to Hemery Central."

"High school? You're making me go back to high school? What is this, a punishment?" she asked.

"No, it's not a punishment, and I'm not making you go back to high school. You're going to sign up for the GED exam. You can get your General Education Diploma and go to community college for a few years. In fact, you can sign up for a few summer course starting in July."

Buffy stared blankly at her mother. "No way. Dad won't go for it. He said I should take my time before I start going out and doing this."

"He already knows about it and agrees with me. So you can't pit your father against me on this one; he and I discussed it last night. It's been decided."

She clenched her jaw. "I hate you. Both of you."

"I'm sorry. But it's for your own good. You may hate me now, but you'll thank me later."

"How cliched," Buffy remarked sarcastically. "But we'll see."

The nurse poked her head in the partially-opened door of Liam's office. She spied him staring out the window at the grounds. "Penny for your thoughts, Dr. Donnelly," she said, hoping to catch his attention.

Liam snapped his head to the side at the sound of the nurse's voice. "Sorry, Annabelle. I didn't see you there."

"So I noticed. You looked like you were a million miles away there. Is something on your mind? Or someone?"

He laughed and smiled softly. "I'm fine. Just thinking about things. Is there something I can do for you?"

"No. I just wanted to see how you were doing. You haven't been your usual outgoing self lately," Annabelle noted. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Of the two of us, which one is the psychiatrist here?" Liam joked. Then he let out a deep breath. "But everything is fine. Though I do appreciate your concern."

She nodded, unconvinced by his words. "Sure. I know you better than that, Liam Donnelly. Come on, admit it. You miss her."

"Her?" he repeated, a blank expression on his handsome face.

"Buffy Summers. Ever since she was released from here, you've been in full brood mode. And as good as you look when you're brooding, you look a lot better when you're happy. There's nothing wrong with following your heart."

"H-How did you know about Buffy?"

Annabelle smiled knowingly. "It wasn't that hard to figure out, you know. Anyone with two eyes could see the look on your face whenever she was around. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and yours screams her name." She gazed at him. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. You don't get a choice in who you fall in love with."

"She said that to me once," he told Annabelle.

"Well? What's the problem then?"

"Buffy's a patient. That's the problem," Liam admitted.

"Not anymore she's not. You released her from this place and she's seeing another doctor. What's stopping you?"

He frowned. "Me. I'm stopping me."

"You are a stubborn man, Liam Donnelly. If you love her, be with her. And if you're too afraid to fight for it, you might lose it. Isn't love worth fighting for?"

At seven-thirty that evening, he pulled into the driveway of his home, seeing the shadow of someone sitting on his front porch. Dying of curiosity, he quickly made his way up the sidewalk to the front the door. It was the last person he expected to find on his doorstep, but his heart skipped a beat when he saw her.

"Buffy?" he whispered.

Buffy lifted her head, giving Liam a half-smile. "Hi, Liam. I hope you don't mind I'm here."

"Not at all," Liam replied, shaking his head. "I'm happy to see you."

"Really? You are?"

"Of course. But what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home with your family or something?"

She sniffled, showing him her duffel bag. "I ran away."

"What? What do you mean you ran away?" Liam demanded. "Why on earth would you do that?"

Buffy bit her lip. "Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I wanted to see you and I thought you'd be happy to see me. Was I wrong in thinking that?"

She looked so sad and vulnerable that all Liam wanted to do was envelope her in his arms and never let go. "No, you weren't wrong. I'm thrilled to see you, Buffy. And I'm sorry if it sounded like I don't want you here, but I am concerned about you. How about you and I go inside to talk," he suggested.

"Okay." She stood up and carried her bags inside Liam's house as he held the door open for her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." But he wasn't paying much attention to anything except Buffy's legs. He'd never gotten a very good look at them while she was at the clinic, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from drooling at the sight. They were long and tan and shapely in her cut-off denim shorts. To Liam, they were a thing of beauty.

"I hope I'm not putting you out by being here. I could go somewhere else if you don't want me or if you have plans tonight," Buffy stated.

'Not want her?' Liam asked himself. 'If only she knew.' "You're not putting me out at all, don't worry. What's bothering you? Why did you run away from home?"

She sat down on the couch, looking around the room. "I like your house; it's not what I thought it would look like."

"What were you expecting?"

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Definitely not something so light and sunny and cheery. Something more gothic, maybe?"

"More like Angel's apartment?"

"Yeah. I know, I know, Angel doesn't exist. But I still can't help making these comparisons. Does that mean I'm starting to get sick again?" she asked.

Liam took a seat next to her. "You're not getting sick again. Comparisons like that are normal for someone with your condition. It's nothing to get worried about. Now on to my original question. Why did you run away?"

"Because I'm not ready to be out in the real world yet. I was wrong in thinking I'd be able to make it out here."

"Buffy, you're ready. Believe me. But it doesn't happen overnight; reintegrating yourself into society takes time and patience. You only gave it three weeks, you can't give up on it without really trying."

"I tried!" she exclaimed. "Do you know what happened to me the first day I came home? A lady from down the street came over and told me how happy she was that I'm back and feeling better. Everybody knows how sick I was."

He frowned. "You had to know people would find out about your troubles."

"Yeah I knew it, but I didn't expect *everyone* to know. And on top of that, Dr. Myles told Mom that I have to start going out. I don't want to go out. Mom and Dad told me I have to go to college. They're making me get my GED and go to community college."

"Maybe that would be a good idea. In the long run."

Buffy stared at him as if he'd just told her the moon was made out of green cheese. "I thought you were on my side."

"I am. But you can't keep hiding in the house for the rest of your life. Going out to eat, going to the mall, even going to the supermarket will help you cope better with this readjustment period. Dr. Myles was right, but you have to do it on your own terms. You might not be ready to go off to college now, but eventually you might."

"Are you saying my parents were wrong?"

"Yes, I am. They're pushing you way too hard. I'll be happy to tell them that if you'd like when I take you home."

Buffy vehemently shook her head. "No way. I refuse to go back there and have them force me to do something I don't want to do."

"I understand that, but you have to go back home and talk to them about it. Make your feelings known."

"I have. They won't listen to me," Buffy said, her eyes burning with hot tears. "Mom and Dad don't care about what I want. I won't go back there. Can I stay here with you?"

Liam felt his jaw drop. "Stay here?" 'That could be bad. How am I going to hide my feelings from Buffy if she's staying at my house?' He paused. 'Annabelle was right, why am I even fighting it? Maybe Buffy being here is a fate trying to tell me something.'

"Please?" she pleaded. "Nobody understand me like you do."

He relented, not wanting to hurt her or have her go running off into the streets alone. "For a few days. But only if you call your parents and tell them where you are. They're probably worried sick about you."

"Okay. Thank you, Liam."

A knock at his office door interrupted Liam's reading the next morning. He was in the middle of reading a patient's file and wasn't expecting anybody. "Come in."

The door opened, revealing Hank Summers. "Hello, Dr. Donnelly. I hope I'm not interrupting something important."

He closed the file. "No, not at all, Mr. Summers. Have a seat."

Mr. Summers closed the door behind him and took a seat on the chair across from Liam's desk. "I came to talk about Buffy. She called last night and told us she was staying with you for a while. She didn't tell us why, so I'm hoping you will. That is, if you can; you know, patient-doctor confidentiality."

"No, I can tell you since Buffy is no longer under my care. I came home last night from work and found Buffy sitting on my front porch. She explained that she's afraid and you and your wife are making her go back to school."

"That was more Joyce's decision than mine."

Liam nodded in understanding. "Either way, Buffy is scared. She's not ready to assimilate into society. Going back to school so soon after being released from the clinic is not such a good idea. As her former doctor, I have to advise against it."

"It was her new doctor's idea. He seems to think it's a good idea. Are you saying he's wrong?" Mr. Summers wanted to know.

"At this point in time, it is wrong. From what I've gathered from Buffy, she doesn't like Dr. Myles. I thought he would be a good change for her from the treatment I gave. Apparently I was misguided," Liam admitted.

"Buffy likes you; she trusts you. No other doctor has been able to help her the way you can. I'd like you to take her case again."

He looked down at the papers on his desk. "I'm sorry, Mr. Summers, but I can't do that."

"Why not? There's no clinic rule that states you can't see outside patients. You're the only one who can help my daughter, Dr. Donnelly. Isn't it obvious she needs you?"

"I know that. But I can't. It would be a conflict of interest for me; it's against every oath I took if I continued to care for Buffy."

Mr. Summers stood from the chair he had been sitting in. "Joyce told me about Buffy's crush on you and I imagine how uncomfortable that might make you. But she needs you."

"It isn't about her feelings for me. It's about my feelings for her."

"Your feelings?" Mr. Summers didn't understand what the doctor was saying.

"Yes. It would be unethical for me to take Buffy's case again because I feel the same way about her that she feels about me."

He nodded. "I see."

"You have my word that I won't do anything to harm her recovery. Let me talk to her tonight and convince her to come home with you tomorrow morning. Is that okay?" he asked.

"Fine," Mr. Summers agreed. "I'll tell Joyce. I trust you, Dr. Donnelly. You won't hurt my daughter, will you? Because of your feelings?"

"No. I care about her too much to ever hurt her."

It was already well-past nine when Liam returned home. He had left the clinic forty-five minutes earlier, but spent that time driving around Los Angeles trying to sort things out in his head. Mr. Summers took the revelation of his feelings for Buffy rather well, which surprised Liam. He'd expected the father to try to strangle him or force him to bring Buffy back home, but he did neither. After making Liam promise to explain things to Buffy, Mr. Summers told him he'd see him tomorrow when he and his wife picked their daughter up.

And he still didn't know what to do about his feelings for Buffy. His heart screamed out to tell her and try to build a life with her. Liam had never been in love before, the feeling both frightened and excited him, and he didn't want it to end. But the rational part of his mind told him that it would only hurt him if he were to get involved with her. Being in a relationship might hinder her recovery, which from what he could ascertain, was going well. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her any grief. By the time he got home, he was still as torn as he had been before.

"I'm home!" he announced, closing the front door behind him.

Buffy sprung up from the couch. "Hi. You're awfully late tonight. Busy day at the clinic?"

"Yeah, something like that. What did you do all day?" He had to admit, it was nice having someone there to greet him when he got home from work.

"Not much. Watched television, took a walk around your neighborhood, did some cleaning. I like it here, Liam. Much better than my own house; I feel more comfortable here than I do there. Don't make me go back."

Liam frowned at her words. "You and I need to talk about that, Buffy. This morning your father came by my office to talk to me. We both agreed that you were being pushed too hard too quickly by your mother and by Dr. Myles. He hasn't been very good for your recovery. So when you return home tomorrow, you'll be seeing a new doctor."

Her green eyes lit up when he mentioned seeing a new doctor. "You? I'm going to be seeing you again? That's great news."

"No, Buffy, you won't be seeing me again. I'm sorry if I led you to believe that. I wish I could continue your treatment, but I can't. I explained it to your father and he understands my reasons."

"What are your reasons?" Buffy wanted to know. "This is my life we're talking about. Don't I have a right to know?"

"I just can't."

"Dammit, Liam, why won't you tell me? These had better be some damn good reasons then."

Liam felt himself break. This was the moment of truth, he would finally tell her. "Because of my feelings. Because every time I'm around you, all I seem to want to do is kiss you and tell you how much I love you. Is that a good enough reason for you, Buffy?" he demanded.

"You l-love me?" she repeated.

He nodded his head, not noticing her moving toward him. "Yes. I love you." Saying it out loud seemed to lift a weight off his shoulders.

"I love you, too."

Standing on her tiptoes, Buffy gently pressed her lips to Liam's, engaging him in a tender kiss. She ran her fingers through his dark hair and stroked his back through his white shirt with the other. Her tongue slipped inside his mouth, running it across his and engaging it in an erotic dance. The kiss grew in intensity, taking on a life of its own.

Liam was falling, he knew it. Not physically, but emotionally in the tiny arms of Buffy Summers. He could lose himself in her loving embrace and he felt himself doing so. Being in her arms brought a feeling of comfort to him, but it brought arousal as well. It was evident to him that he needed to stop before they took things too far. So he pushed her away.

Buffy looked up at him in confusion when he pulled himself away. "What are you doing, Liam? Why did you push me away like that?"

"Because we shouldn't do this."

"I don't get it. I love you and you love me, why shouldn't we?" she asked.

"You're not ready. You were just released from the clinic a few weeks ago. This is going too fast."

"We were just kissing, how is that moving too fast? I'm twenty-one, Liam. I think I'm more than ready to kiss the man I love," Buffy argued.

He sighed, dejected that he had to fight with himself every time she was around him. "It's not the kissing that you're not ready for. What I want, you're not ready for." Turning around, he headed for the bathroom to take a cold shower.

Buffy stared after him, the implication of his words sinking in. "Oh," she whispered.

A ten minute shower didn't help Liam as much as he thought it would. He was still as aroused as he had been when he'd entered the shower, and feared nothing would make it go away. 'It's going to be a long twelve hours,' he thought, wrapping a white towel around his waist.

When he opened the bathroom door, he found Buffy standing on the other side. He had to blink several times to make sure he wasn't seeing things. "Buffy. What are you doing? Do you need to use the bathroom?"

She shook her head. "No. I was thinking about what you said out there before. And you're wrong. Dead wrong. I'm ready, Liam; more than ready. The only thing keeping us apart is you, don't you see that? You make it sound like I'm a little kid but I'm not. I am twenty-one years old and I've had sex before. Okay, so maybe it was when I was in Sunnydale, but I know what to do and what to expect."

"Buffy–"

"No. So I'm a virgin, big deal. Wouldn't you rather I lose it to the man I love than some guy I've only known for a few hours? Liam, I want you to make love to me."

"I…"

Buffy took a step forward, pressing herself against his hard, muscled body. Her hands roamed across his skin, still cool from his cold shower. "I love you. I want it to be you; you're so handsome and smart and
incredible. Don't I deserve this?"

When her hands reached his waist, she tugged at the towel until it fell to the ground in a heap. Licking her dry lips, she kissed his chest, hearing him groan when her lips made contact. They swept across his
chest, swirling both of his nipples in her mouth, drawing circles around them with her tongue.

Suddenly, Buffy felt his hands on her shoulders and looked up. Liam stared in her eyes. She thought he was going to stop, but instead she felt herself being pushed up against the wall in the hallway. Liam
attacked her mouth, his hands seeking out each and every one of her curves. He slipped them inside her tank top to touch the skin underneath, making her shiver from his touch.

She lifted her arms over her head when Liam began to take off her shirt. He threw it to the ground before removing her flannel shorts. They had to break their kiss so that he could properly dispose of the shorts and her underwear. Their eyes connected, lust and love radiating from them. Liam picked her up from under her arms and she wrapped her long legs around his waist, feeling his arousal poking her behind.

"Are you going to make love to me now?" she asked in a hoarse voice.

"Do you want me to?"

"I thought I'd made it pretty clear that I do."

He nodded. "You did. But I had to ask anyway."

"One question, though. Do you have protection?"

"Yes."

"Good. Gotta cover all the bases, right?"

But she received no answer from him. He carried her to his bedroom, their lips fusing together as he bent down to place her on his bed. Buffy lay there unmoving while Liam stared at her, causing her to blush
from the attention. His gaze along her naked body made her feel somewhat uncomfortable, and he noticed it. He laid down on the bed next to her, running his left hand along the side of her body from shoulder to hip.

They kissed again, Liam taking her in his arms and rolling them over until he lay above her. He removed his lips from hers, moving them across her neck and shoulders as he made his way down toward her chest. He began to suckle on her nipple, manipulating the other one with his fingers. Buffy dropped her arms to her sides, paralyzed with pleasure from his ministrations. She couldn't move no matter how hard she tried.

He moved to the other breast, enjoying the sounds of her moans and mewls beneath him. The taste of her was sweet like honey and a total aphrodesiac for him. He became more aroused by the second, desperate to bury himself inside of her, but he had to wait. Nothing was more important to him than making it special for Buffy. With it being her first time, Liam had to pleasure her before letting himself enjoy it.

Although he found pleasuring her to be more fulfilling than anything she could possibly do to him. Liam continued his downward trek, leaving wet kisses along her stomach, across her hips and down her legs. He placed a kiss on each one of her toes before moving back up her body again. When their lips met for another kiss, he knew he had to do something for her. He slid his right hand between their bodies, touching her clit with his fingers. As he began to run them around the tiny nub, Buffy felt a tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach, moving to where he had his hand.

The world exploded around her as she cried out Liam's name, pleasure surging through her body. The sound played like music to his ears; hearing his name from her lips nearly brought tears to his eyes. So he continued to fondle her, wanting to hear her come again. She came two more times, and he had not even entered her yet.

In her short life, and limited sexual experience, Buffy had never felt so alive. Her heart pounded in her groin and her body was on fire with want. No one – not Angel, Parker, Riley nor Spike – made her feel that way. It was then that she knew this was real; Sunnydale had never been real, but this was. And Liam Donnelly was the man she was meant to spend her life with.

"Liam, please," she begged, her eyes closed as she tried to catch her breath from her most recent orgasm.

He knew what she wanted and wasn't about to deny her, because he wanted it just as badly. Reaching over to the nightstand, he grabbed a condom from the inside drawer and slipped it on his erection before evening his hips with hers and gently pushing himself inside. She was wet and tight and perfect, but he could feel her stiffen as he pushed more of himself in. He paused when he reached her blockage, dropped his forehead against hers and reassured her that it would be okay.

"I know," Buffy replied softly. "I remember from the first time with Angel. The hurt goes away after a minute, I just have to wait."

Liam tried his hardest to keep himself under control until Buffy was ready. Finally, after what seemed like forever from when he pushed himself through her hymen, she loosened her grip on his shoulders and
nodded her head to let him know she was okay. He captured her lips, pushing himself to the hilt. Buffy moaned with pleasure when he thrust in and out of her body, raising her hips to meet his halfway.

Their bodies slammed together, moving as one across the bedsheets, slick with sweat. The bedsprings creaked underneath their weight, ignoring the sound of the headboard hitting the wall. All that mattered to them was being with the other. With each climax, Buffy called Liam's name and he murmured words of love and devotion into her ear. He felt his orgasm approaching, and manipulated her clit one more time so she could come with him.

They exploded together, clutching one another until Liam was forced to leave her body. Buffy rested her head on his chest, trying to catch her breath after their lovemaking. "Mmm," she moaned.

"You okay?" Liam asked, concerned about her.

She nodded, placing a kiss on his shoulder. "I'm perfect. Couldn't be better. How about you? Any regrets?"

Liam pulled the sheets over them so they wouldn't catch cold. "Not one. I'm glad I stopped fighting my feelings for you. I love you, Buffy Summers. I think I have since I first saw you on my first day at the clinic six years ago."

"Good. Because I love you, too. And I'm not letting you go this time. I want my life to be with you."

He smiled. "So do I, Buffy. So do I."

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