"Home Before Dark "
Author: Deb Nockels
Email: Debnockels@aol.com
Disclaimer: Lyrics below are from the Broadway play Into The Woods
by Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine.
Notes: I decided to ignore that silly business with the demon ghost
thingy that Buffy brought back with her, because as far as I can see there's
no significance to it. So that whole day and night just didn't happen. When
Buffy wakes up the next morning, it will be to see Dawn off to school, as
per the episode "After Life."
Dedication: To Anja, my beta-reader, because she always has a word
of encouragement as well as help. You're the greatest!
"So you have not forgotten, even after all this time. How gratifying."
Cold hatred gleamed in the eyes of the man opposite. If looks could kill, Angel knew with certainty he'd be a pile of ashes by now. "No," he said, "I haven't forgotten you."
Buffy swiftly moved in front of Angel, although with her short stature she didn't provide much of a shield against a crossbow bolt. "Who are you?" she demanded. "And what do you want?"
"Buffy." Angel tried to move her aside but she refused to budge.
"I want justice," the man declared, "For two hundred years I have waited for it, and now I will finally find it."
"No, I don't think you will," Angel replied quietly ... painfully. "There is no justice for what I did to you."
"Who are you?" Buffy again asked.
The stranger inclined his head a trifle in greeting, but his eyes never left the vampire. "Daniel Holtz, vampire hunter. Who might you be, mistress?"
Buffy crossed her arms. "Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer."
"The Slayer!" The point of the crossbow wavered as Holtz stared at her. "*You* are the Chosen One?"
She raised her chin. "That's right."
Willow piped up, "She really is!" Xander and Dawn nodded, and Giles cleared his throat to contribute, "And I am Rupert Giles, her Watcher."
Holtz stared at Giles too, then sent his gaze around the entire group, ending back at Buffy. "Then the events I witnessed tonight become even more inexplicable. You claim to be the Slayer, yet not only have you not slain Angelus, I saw you in his arms, kissing him."
"No," Buffy replied. "I was kissing Angel, not Angelus. They're not the same."
"Indeed." Holtz narrowed his eyes, then reaching into his pocket pulled out a small glass bottle. He pulled the cork out with his teeth and tossed the liquid contents at the couple. Buffy instinctively flinched as the drops fell on her, but Angel cried out in pain. Whirling around, Buffy saw him vamp out in instinctive reaction, his skin sizzling and turning red wherever the liquid had struck.
"Holy water!" she exclaimed, rounding on Holtz furiously. Dawn, who had been standing frozen in the background, darted forward with a bottle of Evian. "Here, Buffy, use this," she urged. Buffy quickly doused the hot spots on Angel's skin with the spring water. Immediately the sizzling stopped, although the redness remained.
Angel closed his eyes, sighing with relief. "Thank you," he murmured.
After a quick glance to make sure she hadn't missed any of the holy water, Buffy turned back to Holtz. "Why did you do that?" she demanded, eyes flashing. Behind her, Angel's face returned to its human mode.
"To test the truth of your statement," he retorted, "and it failed the test. Your ‘Angel' is a vampire; therefore, he *is* Angelus . . . albeit with very strange hair."
Giles stepped forward. "Angel is a vampire, yes. But he is no longer Angelus; he has a soul."
"I doubt that he's interested in hearing this, Giles," said Angel. He slipped around Buffy and faced Holtz. Buffy started to move between them again, but he stopped her with a hand on her arm and a quiet "Buffy." Shooting Angel a hard glance she complied, but remained alert, watching Holtz's tiniest move like a hawk.
Holtz ignored the interruption. "Impossible," he said flatly.
"Not for the Romany," Giles told him. Holtz's eyes flickered. "More than one hundred years ago the Kalderash tribe cursed Angelus by restoring his soul - rather, the soul of the body Angelus possessed. It is that person you see before you, not Angelus. His name is Angel."
Holtz's face grew taut. Before he could speak the front door flew open and a horde of demons streamed in. The Scoobies instinctively spread out, grabbing weapons.
"Grapplar demons," muttered Giles, hefting the chunk of crystal he still held in his hand. "Mercenaries."
Holtz spun around. "Halt!"
The demons obediently stopped, looking first at Holtz then each other with confusion. "Hold your attack," Holtz ordered. "I must find out the truth here." He turned around. "Are you telling me that Angelus has been destroyed?"
"No," Angel and Giles said simultaneously. Giles added, "Angelus is still there, but he is helpless to act. Angel is in control of his own body, not Angelus, and Angel fights with us for the Powers That Be. In fact, he is one of Their greatest warriors."
"You expect me to believe this?" said Holtz with disdain. "This - story? It sounds like the tales I would tell my daughter at bedtime - while she still lived, of course." His glance at Angel was icy; the crossbow still pointed at him.
"It's all true," Giles said steadily, "as you can easily ascertain with a little research."
Holtz stared at him for a long minute, then turned to the demons. "Go. Return to your base and do *not* attack anyone on the way there." The demons hesitated, then reluctantly turned and left the building, shooting sullen glances over their shoulders. Once the door closed behind them Holtz lowered his arm so that the crossbow dangled at his side.
"Holtz," said Angel. "How did you come here, to this time?"
Turning around, Holtz gestured with his free hand, as if brushing that aside. "That isn't important."
"Yes, it is," Angel disagreed. "It's important to you. Only dark magics could have brought you this far. Was it a demon, or something else?" The vampire hunter only looked impatient.
Angel persisted. "Did something come to you - or did you seek it out? Holtz, what did you have to give up for this chance at vengeance?"
At that, Holtz's lips tightened. "Give up? I had nothing left *to* give up. You saw to that."
Everyone there knew what that meant, and they all flinched. Xander looked grim. Anya nodded to herself, her eyes flickering over Angel. Dawn's gaze dropped to the floor. Willow, Tara, and Giles all cast sympathetic looks at the man with the crossbow. Buffy too displayed compassion for Holtz's pain, but she also put her hand on Angel's arm, lightly, showing with that touch her understanding of *his* anguish.
Angel closed his eyes momentarily. "We took a lot from you, that's true. But we didn't take everything. We couldn't take your soul."
Holtz snapped, "What do you know about souls?" then stopped. "Oh yes," he said sarcastically, "I forgot. You have one now so I guess you're an expert? Should I expect you to take Holy Orders next?"
"No, I'm not an expert on souls," Angel replied evenly, "but I know yours will be destroyed if you allow yourself to be used in the service of evil. You know it too. You're a good man, Holtz ... a righteous man. And you're being used by something for some purpose other than justice."
"Why do you say that?" Holtz eyed him.
"Because there's a prophecy about something or someone called the Tro-clon. ‘Raised up from darkness to bring darkness.' " Angel glanced at Giles. "Wesley called me about it yesterday; I was going to tell you when this was all over. He believes it arrived about a week ago, in L.A." He sent his eyes back to Holtz. "When did you arrive here, in this time? And was it in Los Angeles?"
"One week ago," Holtz admitted with reluctance, "and yes, I arrived somewhere in Los Angeles. What else does the prophecy say about this Tro-clon?"
Angel shrugged. "The usual. Ruination of mankind stuff."
Holtz straightened. "Then it cannot refer to me. I did not come to destroy mankind, only two vampires."
"*You* didn't," Giles put in, "but what about whatever it was that brought you here?"
Holtz shook his head. "Sahjhan has no substance in this world; he cannot physically interact with it."
"Which might be why he brought *you* here, to be his tool." Surprisingly, it was Xander who spoke. "Which makes me wonder why he wants Angel dead so badly - not that there aren't a lot of people who might agree with him, but that's beside the point. And if I might just add something - why don't we all sit down and get comfortable? I don't know about anybody else, but I'm tired of standing here like we're posing for pictures."
"That's an excellent idea, Xander," agreed Giles. "Mr. Holtz, can I offer you anything in the way of refreshment? All I have here in the shop is water, coffee, and tea - "
"And chocolate chip cookies!" Anya darted over to the table holding the plate of cookies. Xander, Dawn, Tara, and Willow all found places to sit. Buffy, Angel, Holtz and Giles remained where they were.
"Er, yes, and cookies," Giles agreed. "However, if you would care to accompany me back to my flat I have a selection of beers and ales - and other drinks too, of course."
Holtz stared at him. "You are inviting me to your home," he finally said, "after I threatened you with a weapon?"
Giles shrugged. "Angel says you are a good man. For the moment, I'm willing to trust his judgment." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his handkerchief and began cleaning his glasses.
Holtz glanced at Angel, then said, "Thank you, Mr. - Giles, is it?" Giles nodded. "I accept your invitation. I must admit, a good English or German beer would be welcome right now." Then he added, "But first, I have a question for - " he hesitated "- for Angel."
He turned his head toward the vampire. "Where is Darla? If you are here she cannot be far away." Then he glanced at Buffy, at the hand that still lay on Angel's arm. "No, I suppose that has changed too?"
"Definitely," Angel nodded. "I haven't seen Darla in almost a year, when I told her to leave Los Angeles because the next time I saw her I would kill her. I have no idea where she is now."
"You had the chance to destroy her but you let her live?" Holtz's eyes flashed. "You claim to be a warrior for good but you set her loose to kill again? How can you possibly justify that?"
"I can't," said Angel bleakly. "It was wrong to let her go, but - I couldn't kill her. There are a lot of complicated reasons why not, but they would take all night to tell and they all boil down to the fact that at that particular time and place, I simply could not do it. However, if she crosses my path again, I will. Without hesitation."
Before Holtz could respond, Giles said, "Mr. Holtz, why don't we go get that beer now?" Holtz glared at Angel for a moment longer, then stiffly inclined his head and turned toward the door. Giles glanced at the paraphernalia from their spellcasting. "Anya, would you and the others mind cleaning this up, please?"
Anya sniffed. "Sure, leave the mess for us!"
Willow got up. "It's okay, Giles. We'll take care of it." Dawn made a face but also stood and began gathering up candles.
"Xander," said Buffy, "will you see that everyone gets home safely?"
"No problemo," Xander said, and Buffy looked at her sister. "I'll be home in a couple of hours." Dawn nodded and Giles and Holtz left, followed by Buffy and Angel.
Thirty minutes later the four of them were comfortably seated in Giles' living room with various beverages in their hands. "You say this Sahjhan is a dimension-traveler?" Giles asked.
Holtz took a hearty swallow of dark ale. "That is what he told me, at least."
"Since it's highly unlikely that he acted from altruistic motives when he enabled you to come to our time, do you have any idea why he would want Angel dead?"
Holtz shook his head. "I was not in the humor to ask many questions when he made me his offer - or when I arrived here."
Giles cleared his throat. "Er, no, I suppose not. Very well then, our first priority is to identify Sahjhan." Walking over to a bookcase, he selected several volumes and handed them to his guests. Buffy and Angel exchanged amused glances, then set their drinks on the coffee table and bent to their task.
Holtz stared at the one given to him, touching it reverently with his fingertips. "This is a wondrous time you live in," he said. "With the touch of a button you can hear the music of the ages, and centuries of accumulated knowledge are bound together in print, available to anyone."
"It's pretty amazing, all right," Angel agreed. Holtz slanted an enigmatic glance at him and opened his book. His attitude toward the vampire since they'd arrived at Giles's couldn't be called friendly, but neither did it contain the hatred and hostility he'd exhibited at the beginning. Neutral, that was the best word, thought Angel. Not that he believed Holtz was really feeling neutral. He resumed his study.
An hour passed; discarded volumes littered the coffee table and floor. Buffy looked up. "Is this him?" She passed her book to Holtz, who took one look at the drawing and nodded.
"This is he," he said grimly. Giles walked over and read over his shoulder. "A Granok demon," he said, straightening. "Strange, there's no mention here of Granoks having the ability to pass through dimensions." He glanced inquiringly at Angel, who shrugged.
"Sorry, Giles. Never heard of them." He held out his hand. Holtz hesitated, then handed the volume over. Angel studied the illustration. "Doesn't ring any bells. As far as I can remember I've never met him, and I have pretty good recall." He returned the book to Holtz.
Buffy stood up. "Well, I need to get home to Dawn. Giles, I'll check in with you tomorrow morning to get any updates. Angel, will you walk me home?"
Angel smiled. "Of course."
Hiding his own amused smile, Giles turned another page as Angel rose to his feet. After the goodnights had been said and the door had closed behind them, Holtz turned to Giles. "Why is the Slayer afraid to walk home alone?"
Giles chuckled. "It has nothing to do with Buffy being afraid. She wanted some private time with Angel."
Holtz looked down. "I see." After a moment he reached for another book.
Buffy walked silently hand-in-hand with Angel, enjoying both his presence beside her and the night. Tilting her head back, she breathed in deeply. God, it was good to feel normal again! Above them the moon was bright and stars sparkled, playing peekaboo with a few wispy, drifting clouds. The temperature had dropped a bit, and the slight breeze was crisp but not chilling - fairly typical for southern California at that time of year.
"So tell me about Holtz," Buffy said finally.
Angel sighed. "What is there to say? He hunted Darla and me, and we got tired of it so we killed his entire family." He flinched away from the memory of a baby lying pale and motionless in its cradle, eyes staring, blood staining its white gown. "He'd hated us before simply because of what we were, but after that I think he went a little insane."
"Not hard to see why," noted Buffy. "So do you think he's accepted that you're not the same person now? That you're not Angelus, I mean."
"No," Angel said flatly. "We destroyed everything he loved, Buffy, and Darla Turned his eight-year-old daughter into a vampire. I heard later that he sat with her all night, then carried her in his arms into the sunrise."
Buffy bit her lip, a look of pain crossing her face. Angel went on, "He endangered his immortal soul by allying himself with a demon in order to exact his vengeance. Holtz put up a good front tonight, but it's going to take more than a few words from Giles or me - or anyone - to change his mind."
Buffy nodded soberly. "That's what I figured. So you need to be especially careful, Angel. Watch your back."
Angel squeezed her hand. "I'll be careful; I promise."
"You better be or I'll never forgive you," she said. Her tone was light but Angel heard the pain and worry beneath it. "You too," he told her. "The Holtz I used to know would never have considered using an innocent person just to get to me, but this isn't the old Holtz. I don't know what he's capable of now. You need to watch out too."
"I will," Buffy promised, then added without pause, "We haven't had a chance to talk about what happened this evening. Before Holtz entered the picture, I mean."
"No," Angel agreed. "That pretty much took our minds off everything else." He twisted his head to look into her face. "How are you doing?"
She smiled up at him, squeezing his hand. "I'm doing great. I feel alive again."
"You're not - " He searched for the right word. Earlier she'd said she wasn't angry, but that didn't mean she couldn't be "- upset? I mean, about that day."
Buffy sighed, growing serious. "Of course I'm upset about it. The whole thing upsets me. You were human and we were together and happy. Obviously something had to go wrong."
The bitterness in her voice wrung his heart. He stopped and faced her. "I had to do it, Buffy. I couldn't take the chance that you might die because you were protecting me - or because I wasn't strong enough to protect you. That would have killed me."
"I know." It didn't take *too* much effort to smile. "I probably would have done the same thing - I mean, you know, if I were you and you were me. It's okay, Angel. What matters is that we're together now."
"Yes," was all he said. Hanging between them was the unspoken acknowledgment that it wasn't the same, couldn't be the same, but what was the point in going there? It wouldn't change the stark truth that as long as his curse remained - or at least, the happiness clause in it - they couldn't be together fully, hearts *and* bodies. He bent down and their lips met.
"Yes," Buffy sighed when finally the kiss ended. Angel stroked strands of hair back from her forehead and kissed her again, tenderly and briefly. Clasping hands, they resumed their walk. When they reached Buffy's house, she paused beneath the big elm tree in the front yard.
"Meet me for patrol in an hour?" she asked.
Angel eyed her with a frown. "Buffy, are you sure you're up to it? You've been through a lot today; maybe you should rest."
She dismissed his concern with a gesture. "I'm fine, and I think I should let Sunnydale vamps know that the Slayer's back in business. Maybe *you* should rest, though. I mean, you've been doing my job for me the past few nights."
He raised an eyebrow. "And let you go out alone on your first night back? Not a chance."
"So - one hour, then?"
"One hour," he concurred. "I'll meet you here."
"Okay." Buffy moved closer and tugged gently at his head. Angel obediently leaned down and they kissed again. It was several minutes before they drew apart.
"One hour," she murmured.
"One hour."
Holtz prowled through the cemetery, every sense alert for his quarry. Giles (the Watcher had eventually persuaded him to drop the "Mr.") had offered him a bed for the night, but he knew sleep would be impossible. When he'd come to Sunnydale only a few hours earlier, his entire being had been focused on only one thing - finding Angelus and at long last bringing him to justice. Now ... now his mind was in turmoil.
If the story Giles had recounted was true, then the evil being he'd hunted for so long was already enduring a mental and emotional punishment far beyond any physical torment he could have devised. Angelus was held captive in the body he'd once commanded, forced to watch helplessly as the entity in control fought and destroyed his own kind and refused to give in to the blood-lust. For Angelus, there could be no greater torture; simple death would have been preferable.
But could he believe what he'd been told? It wasn't that he thought the Watcher had lied to him, but he knew he hadn't heard the entire story. Something was being kept back; he could sense it. And until he found out what it was, he intended to keep a close eye on Angelus or Angel or whatever he chose to call himself. Which was why he was here, in this graveyard. Giles had mentioned that Angel would probably patrol again tonight.
As he neared one of the numerous mausoleums he heard sounds of scuffling. Cautiously he peered around the corner. Angel and the Slayer - er, Buffy - were fighting vampires - six of them, he counted. A few feet away he spied a body lying crumpled on the ground. Keeping a wary eye on the combatants, Holtz stole over and checked for a pulse. Judging from his clothing and generally unwashed, neglected appearance, he appeared to be a vagabond, one of those called the "homeless" in this age. When he found no signs of life, he turned his attention back to the fighters just in time to see Buffy dodge a vicious blow. Moving in under the vampire's arm, she staked him then instantly aimed a kick at another vampire, sending him flying into a nearby tree.
Silently Holtz melted back into the shadows, where he could observe unseen. Angel was busy with his own opponents, but Holtz saw him glance in Buffy's direction. "Behind you!" Angel yelled.
Even as the words left his mouth Buffy dropped and rolled, and the metal bar aimed at her head whistled harmlessly above her. The momentum spun its wielder around in a circle. Buffy shot one leg out in a sweeping movement, and he crashed to the ground, where Buffy staked him before he knew what had happened. The vampire she'd kicked into the tree had now joined the three that were fighting Angel. Buffy ran over. Two of the Undead broke away and began circling her.
"Two of us against four of you," she observed, ducking a blow and then dodging a kick. "Doesn't seem very fair." One of the vampires, a tall man with short black hair, laughed. "Run away if you want to, Slayer. We'll find you again after we take care of your boyfriend here."
Buffy ran two steps and jumped, using a nearby headstone to take off from. She crashed straight into the vampire, at the last moment bringing her stake up against her body, pointed side out. Grabbing her, he started to grin, but then a look of utter astonishment covered his face. A moment later his ashes powdered the ground. Buffy turned to his female companion.
"I meant it wasn't fair to you."
The woman snarled, yellow eyes glaring through the long tangles of blonde hair straggling over her face. She darted in, landing a punch that sent the other woman sprawling, and jumped on top of her. They rolled about on the ground, Buffy struggling to keep the vampire away from her neck.
"Since when did you become the Slayer's lapdog, Angelus?" jeered one of the vampires circling around Angel. The second vampire, an older man with long gray-streaked hair fastened behind his neck, also began moving around him.
"A long time ago, Damien; where have you been?" Angel answered. Holtz pricked up his ears. So Angelus - Angel - knew his opponent!
"She must be really something." The second vampire leered, his insinuation obvious.
"More than you can even begin to imagine, Lasalle," Angel said softly. Holtz noted this use of a second name. "Oh, and just for future reference - not that either of you *has* a future - the name is Angel."
The two vamps continued circling, just out of his reach. He turned his head slightly from one side to the other, turning with them and keeping them in his peripheral vision. Suddenly they rushed him, one from each side. Angel flung his arms out and to Holtz's astonishment two sharp stakes shot out from the depths of his coat sleeves. Unable to stop in time, the vamps impaled themselves. Stunned, Holtz watched the powdery ash float down. One of his concerns was answered; he'd just seen Angel stake vampires he knew personally.
Instantly Angel started toward Buffy and the remaining vampire, but before he took more than a couple of steps there was another shower of dust, and Buffy was alone on the ground, coughing and waving her stake-free hand to clear the air. He helped her to her feet. "Are you okay?"
Still coughing, Buffy brushed ash off her clothing. "Yuck. Just think how much of this stuff I've inhaled in seven years. I hate to think what my lungs look like." She ran the back of her hand over her mouth and looked at it. "Probably the same as my face. Look, it's Chimney Sweep Buffy." She began swiping at her cheeks and forehead.
Angel laughed. Holtz narrowed his eyes. It was the same laugh he'd heard so many times in the past, yet there was a significant difference. This laugh entirely lacked the mocking tone so familiar to anyone who knew Angelus.
"It's not that bad," Angel told her. "Here, you missed a few spots." Pulling a white handkerchief from his pocket, he touched it to his tongue and dabbed her face here and there. "There you are."
Buffy smiled up at him. "So how do I look now?"
Angel kissed her on the tip of her nose. "Stop fishing. You know you look beautiful - as always."
Buffy moved a step closer. "You could show me," she insinuated, winding her arms around his waist. "Or not," she added, as more vamps suddenly streamed out of the mausoleum.
"Maybe later," Angel agreed, "when hopefully we'll have fewer interruptions." Separating, they resumed the fight.
From his place of concealment Holtz watched as, one by one, they destroyed their opponents. They worked as a team, their movements as smooth and fluid as if they'd been choreographed. In an amazingly short time the new group of vampires were only ashes blowing in the wind. And powdering the ground ... and headstones ... and shrubbery.
After checking the mausoleum to make sure no more vamps remained ("Were they having a Creature of the Night Convention in there or something?" Buffy wondered), the two continued their patrol, with Holtz their observant, silent shadow. They encountered and dispatched five more vampires before calling it a night. This time Holtz felt no surprise when Angel accompanied Buffy on the walk back to her house. Once there, he watched as they came together in a long kiss, drew apart, murmured their farewells, and then kissed again before Buffy finally went inside. Angel lingered beneath the tree until the light in an upstairs room came on - the Slayer's bedroom, Holtz assumed - and only then walked away.
Safely hidden from view, Holtz waited until Angel passed by, then once again fell in a discreet distance behind him. He tailed the vampire to a street that made him blink. Unlike most of Sunnydale that he'd seen, this area contained only a few large houses, each on its own extensive grounds. None of the houses showed any lights, but that wasn't exactly surprising for that time of night. Angel disappeared into the shadows in front. As Holtz prepared to follow, a car turned the corner onto the street, its headlights flashing over him. He ducked back into the concealment of a large shrub until the car had safely passed, then looked for Angel. The vampire was nowhere to be seen.
Holtz crept stealthily toward the house. A shadow passed by a window, inside, and he froze. It was unmistakably Angel. Alarm bells rang in his mind. Why had Angel come to this lonely place, at this time of night? Feeling something under his foot, he looked down. It was a rag doll. He picked it up and felt his heart swell. His little Sarah had once had a doll very like this one. So children lived here! Well, this was one family Angelus would not destroy!
He ran for the door, lips drawn back from his teeth. Prepared to smash his way inside, at the last moment he stopped and tried the handle. Maybe Angelus had been careless ... yes! The door opened at his touch. He strode inside and listened. All was silent; not even a whimper to be heard.
"Holtz?"
He jumped and spun around as the lights flared to life. The vampire stood in a nearby doorway, his hand on a wall switch. Holtz raised his crossbow. "This time you will not succeed, Angelus. This time I will stop you!"
Angel cocked his head. "You're going to stop me from sleeping?"
Taken aback, Holtz blinked. "What?"
"I was getting ready to go to bed."
For the first time Holtz really looked at the vampire. He was shirtless and his feet were bare. "What?" he said again. "You were going to sleep *here*?"
"Why not?" asked Angel, . "I live here. Well, I do when I'm in town. I own this house."
Again Holtz blinked. "This house ... is *yours*?"
"I bought it a few years ago," Angel confirmed. "Just had to pay the back taxes on it, mostly. The neighborhood isn't what it used to be, you know."
"But - " Holtz held out the rag doll. "If it's yours, why did I find this in the grounds? And don't try to tell me it belongs to you."
Angel gazed at it, then raised his eyes. "Holtz, have you taken a really good look at this?"
Holtz did so. The bright artificial lights revealed what the moonlight had helped disguise: the doll was not only covered with mold, it was missing both arms and one leg, and its dress consisted of a few rotting shreds of fabric.
Angel said gently, "It's probably been lying outside for fifty years at least. Little girls don't play with dolls like these anymore." Holtz could think of nothing to say. He stared dumbly at the vampire. Angel went on, "I think we need to talk."
Angel gestured toward the living room, behind Holtz. "Please, have a seat. I'll be right with you." Within a minute he reappeared, now fully dressed and wearing slippers, and without the doll. He sat on a chair across from the couch Holtz was on. "You have questions."
Holtz had used that time to collect himself. "Many of them," he replied. "Firstly, how did you become a vampire? I know Darla is your sire, but what were the circumstances?"
Angel blinked, surprised. "Why do you want to know that?"
"Indulge me," was all Holtz said. "I'm curious."
Shrugging, Angel said, "I was in the tavern one night, as usual, and I noticed a beautiful woman sitting at one of the tables. She was watching me. A while later, when my friend and I were thrown out of the tavern, to my surprise I found her waiting for me. She said she could show me things I'd never seen or even heard of." He smiled wryly. "I have to admit, she kept her word."
"Did she promise you eternal life?" asked Holtz.
"Ah." Angel understood now. "You want to know if I *chose* to become a vampire. No, Darla said nothing about eternal life, or demons, or dying; vampires seldom do when they decide to Turn someone. I was young, I was drunk as usual, and I was stupid, but I had no idea what I was agreeing to."
He shrugged. "Not that a refusal would have stopped Darla if she'd made up her mind."
Holtz couldn't argue with that. He asked, "What did Giles so carefully leave out of his tale about you?"
A corner of Angel's mouth quirked upward in a faint, brief smile; he'd known that Holtz wouldn't simply accept Giles' account without question. "What Giles didn't tell you is that the curse the Kalderash put on me had a clause in it, a loophole that no one else knew about, including me, until a few years ago: If I experience perfect happiness, even for one moment, then I lose my soul again."
Holtz regarded him with narrowed eyes. "And what happens then - you die?"
"Angelus returns," Angel said grimly.
Holtz stared. "You cannot be serious. Angelus must have done some great wrong to the gypsies for them to curse him like that - "
"I killed the favorite daughter of their tribe," supplied Angel.
With a slight nod, Holtz continued, " - so why would they allow even the tiniest chance for him to escape his retribution? They are a strange and lawless people, everyone knows that, but when it comes to vengeance they are implacable."
Angel shook his head. "I've asked myself that same question many times. Apparently all they cared about was that I should suffer eternal torment for all the evil I'd done, and if I stopped suffering, even for one moment - " He shrugged, shaking his head again. "I've never been able to figure out their logic."
"Because there *is* no logic to it!" Holtz declared with a disbelieving frown. "It makes no sense at all. What were they thinking?"
"They weren't thinking. That tends to happen when emotions are running high," Angel said.
Holtz gave him a sharp glance, but Angel's gaze was calm, without the slightest hint of any hidden meaning to his words. "You said you only recently found out about this part of the curse?"
Angel nodded. "Five years ago."
"How?" Holtz asked. "How did you discover it?"
Pain flashed over the vampire's face. "Unfortunately, by invoking it." He raised his eyes to Holtz. "I knew perfect happiness one night, with Buffy. We were ... together."
Holtz understood his meaning at once, although he could hardly believe it. The *Slayer* had fornicated with a *vampire*! How could she??? He'd seen them kissing, and that was bad enough, but this - ! Revulsion swept through him.
Some part of his feelings must have shown on his face, for Angel said, sternly, "Don't judge her by your standards, Holtz. Over two hundred years have passed and things are different today - very different. An unmarried woman having sexual encounters is nothing unusual. And we love each other."
Again Holtz was stunned. Love? The Slayer was in love with a vampire? A vampire loved a Slayer? Then he thought over the implications of what he'd just learned. Being with the Slayer had filled Angel with a happiness so complete it had broken a curse that had lasted for a century. He recalled the ceremony he'd witnessed earlier that evening, the tender concern that Angel had exhibited throughout and the way Buffy had stayed close beside him as long as possible. He remembered her protectiveness of him afterward, deliberately using her own body as a shield against his crossbow. He also thought about what the ritual had so astonishingly revealed - that Angel had voluntarily given up his humanity in order to prolong the Slayer's life - and about the way they had fought together while patrolling, each keeping an eye on the other's back.
Feeling his mind begin to whirl, he pushed all that to one side of his mind and decided not to correct Angel's misunderstanding. His long-held certainties had taken quite a beating that night. He needed to do some serious thinking, but now was not the time.
"I will not argue morality with a vampire, not even you," he responded, stiffly. "I will only remark that since the Slayer is the key to releasing Angelus, it is irresponsible of you to deliberately expose yourself to temptation by remaining here, where *she* is ... if you really care about keeping Angelus caged, that is."
Angel's eyes flashed. "Considering that if he were set free my first action would be to go after Buffy, I care very much! But he won't return that way again. We know about the clause now, and I'm on my guard."
Holtz asked abruptly, "How did you regain your soul after you lost it?"
"Someone, a friend of Giles', located a copy of the original curse." Angel's face grew bleak as he thought of Jenny Calendar. "Willow performed the ceremony and called my soul back, again."
"I see." Holtz studied Angel for a moment. "Giles and the Slayer are very careful to make a distinction between Angelus and you, but I've noticed that you don't. In fact, you refer to his deeds as if they were your own. Why? Are you in fact him?" He raised the crossbow slightly, eyes intent.
Angel didn't even notice. He hunched over, his hands loosely clasped between his knees, his gaze fixed blankly on the floor. "No, I'm not Angelus," he said slowly, "but it's not that simple. We're ... connected. I share his memories. All of them. Logically, I know that it was not by my will that these hands killed thousands of innocent people, that it was Angelus who did it, without my consent ... but *I* can see their faces in my mind and hear their screams, and *I* can feel the hellish delight he took in every second of their torment - "
He stopped, suddenly aware of what he was saying - and to whom it was being said. "God. I - I'm sorry," he stammered, "I didn't mean to -"
"Continue," Holtz interrupted harshly, his face drawn.
Angel got up, and began pacing. "A friend of Xander's got Turned a few years ago. Giles reminded Xander that when he looked at him he wasn't seeing his friend but the thing that had killed him, and that's true. But, again, it isn't that simple. When the demon takes possession of a body, all the original memories are retained, as well as the major personality traits, although those often fade with time. These things all influence the demon's behavior, but in a twisted way. Any softer emotions, such as love or even friendship, are perceived as contemptible weaknesses. They eat at the demon like acid - which is why newly fledged vamps so often kill the families and friends of the dead person. The demon also uses the darker feelings, but these are a source of power and strength."
He paused. "A portion of the original consciousness also remains - "
Holtz interrupted, leaping to his feet. "Then you did know what was going on with Angelus! You were part of him. You let him do those things!"
"No." Angel stopped and faced him. "I didn't ‘let' Angelus do anything, any more than that crossbow ‘lets' you fire it."
Holtz involuntarily glanced down at his weapon as Angel continued. "Yes, a portion of the original awareness remains, but it's no more than a fragment and it's as helpless as a newborn infant. Less so, because a baby can influence others to act by crying. In a vampire the demon is completely in charge, and even if that original fragment had any strength or power of its own, which it doesn't, the soul is gone. There's no conscience anymore, no remorse, or guilt. When the Kalderash restored my soul, all those things suddenly came rushing back with it. I almost went insane."
"Why, if it wasn't you who was responsible for the evil?" demanded Holtz.
"Because Angelus's memories are as much a part of me as my own," Angel said wearily. "And someone has to care - *he* sure as hell doesn't."
Holtz was silent for a minute, but he wasn't finished yet. "A moment ago you said Angelus wouldn't return again ‘that way,' which implies that there are other ways to set him free."
"You're quick on the nuances," Angel replied after a second, "You're right, unfortunately there are. A couple of years ago someone slipped some kind of drug in my drink without my realizing it. The drug induced an artificial happiness that allowed Angelus to escape for a short time. Luckily my friends were able to capture me - I mean *him* - before he could harm anyone, and to keep him under restraint for a few hours until the drug wore off."
Holtz regarded him coolly. "Keeping Angelus confined seems to me to rely far too much on luck. What happens if someone gives you another drug, or casts a happiness spell on you, and he is set free again, and this time there are no friends at hand to overpower him, or no witch readily available to do the resouling spell? This gypsy curse has too many escape possibilities in it for my peace of mind."
"I couldn't agree more," Angel told him grimly. "That's why I have someone working to find a way to attach my soul permanently."
Holtz snorted. "You should have done that long before now!" With a decisive gesture he disarmed the crossbow. "Very well; I have made my decision. I promised Sahjhan I would show no mercy to Angelus, and I won't - for the time being. He will remain locked helplessly inside you, unable to act, which in my opinion is a far greater punishment than death would be. But I will be keeping an eye on you, Angel, and I will not hesitate to kill Angelus should he escape again."
"I know," Angel told him, "and thank you. My friends have all made that same promise to me, but I know they would first try to bring me back - and that could be fatal, if not for them, for others."
Holtz eyed him for a moment in thoughtful silence. Then, with a curt nod, he swung around. Angel opened the door for him, watching as the vampire hunter set off in the direction of Sunnydale. When even his vampiric eyes could detect him no more, he closed the door and stood there a moment, then went into the kitchen and began opening cabinets. At last he found what he was searching for.
"I knew this was here somewhere." Drawing out a bottle of thirty-year-old whiskey, he blew the dust off, poured about an inch of the dark amber liquid into a glass, and downed it in one gulp.
"I really needed that." Angel replaced the bottle in a cupboard, rinsed the glass and put it on the counter to dry, and went to bed.
The next morning Buffy breezed into Giles' apartment with only the most perfunctory of knocks. "So what else did you find out?"
Giles looked blearily up from his cup of coffee. "Good morning to you too. Must you be so disgustingly chipper?"
"Ooh, someone's Mr. Grumpy this morning." She plopped herself down on the opposite side of the table, eyeing him shrewdly. "You don't look hung over. What happened, did you get out on the wrong side of the bed?"
"When one doesn't get *into* the bed until after three a.m., I'm not sure there's a correct side to get out *on*," Giles observed tartly.
"There isn't," Buffy agreed. "If you were up that late you must have found out more about this St. John dude."
"St. John?" The unexpected voice spun Buffy around. Holtz emerged from the hallway.
"She means Sahjhan," explained Giles, accustomed to Buffy's difficulty with names. "And yes, we discovered a few interesting facts. For one - "
Buffy interrupted, still staring at Holtz. "You're still here. I thought you'd be hot on Darla's trail. Isn't she at the top of your hit list now that Angel's off of it?" Her gaze sharpened. "Angel *is* off of it, right?"
"Good morning, Slayer." Holtz gave her a slight, courteous nod. "I'm still here because Giles very kindly offered me a place to sleep after we finished our research last night. However, you are right, I will be leaving shortly to search for Darla. And to answer your question, for the time being I am willing to leave Angel alone." He went into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee, adding sugar and cream.
Until that last sentence Buffy had been feeling rather ashamed of her brusqueness - okay, rudeness - toward him, but now she snapped to attention. "For the time being?" Instinctively she stood up, ready for confrontation.
Returning, Holtz met her gaze levelly. "Yes. For the time being. As I told Angel last night - we had a long talk after he escorted you home - I am not happy with the numerous possibilities that his curse allows for Angelus to escape by, and so I will be keeping in touch with his situation."
"Numerous possibilities?" Buffy raised her eyebrows. "There's only one way I know of for Angel to lose his soul, and that isn't going to happen again."
Holtz looked over at Giles, clearly deferring to him.
"Giles?" Buffy demanded, turning her gaze in that direction.
Her Watcher cleared his throat. "Er, Holtz and I also had a chat last night. I'm afraid we've all been terribly optimistic - indeed, careless - regarding Angel's curse. It appears that the loophole in the curse has its own loophole, which Angel discovered two years ago when he was given a drug and Angelus returned."
"What?" Some of the color left Buffy's face. "A drug did it? But - how? I thought it took true happiness for Angel to lose his soul; that's what Miss Calendar told us!"
"As I said, there's another loophole," Giles replied. "Angel was actually very fortunate. The drug was a powerful tranquilizer. It induced a, a euphoria that enabled Angelus to reappear, but because it was artificial - not true happiness - Angel did not lose his soul. Wesley and Cordelia managed to capture Angelus and kept him under restraint until the effects wore off."
"I see." Buffy was silent for a moment. "But ... if Wes and Cordy hadn't been there, or if they hadn't been able to capture Angelus - if he had escaped - all he had to do was find more of the drug and he could have stayed in control indefinitely."
"That drug or any number of similar ones that can be readily bought on the streets," admitted Giles with a sigh. "I'm afraid you're right. But to look on the bright side, Angel is now aware of this risk, so it is unlikely to happen again. Also, Wesley has already begun looking for a way to anchor Angel's soul permanently."
Buffy sat down rather abruptly, still pale with shock. "Yes, Angel told me he was - but I thought it was just for our sake. I didn't know how important it really is." Suddenly she slammed her fist down on the table. "God, I'd like to give those stupid gypsies a piece of my mind!"
Holtz had been standing quietly by, sipping his coffee. Now he said, "Then why don't you?" Giles and Buffy stared at him as if he'd suddenly begun speaking in tongues. "Get in touch with the elders," he clarified, "and request a hearing. Maybe after all this time they'll be more amenable to logic, and since they set the curse they should be able to alter it. After all, they of all people surely don't want Angelus loose again."
Buffy and Giles exchanged thoughtful looks. "Jenny said those magics had been lost to her people," Giles said slowly.
"But she found the original curse," Buffy reminded him. "Maybe they're not as lost as she thought."
"Perhaps since then she has rediscovered other magics too," Holtz suggested, "ones that could be helpful. Can you contact her?" A heavy silence followed. He looked from one to the other, but they both avoided his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Jenny's dead," Giles finally said. "Angelus killed her to stop her from restoring Angel's soul. He didn't know she'd made a copy of the curse, which Willow later found and used." Even after five years it hurt to remember his loss ... to think of what might have been. The ache was dull now, not the raw, tearing pain it had once been - but it was still there. He met Holtz's stunned eyes. "So, you see, I have some understanding of your own feelings."
Holtz had lost count by now of how many times he'd found himself speechless since arriving in Sunnydale. He stared at the Watcher. Angelus had killed a woman who was obviously dear to Giles, yet not only had he not killed Angel in retaliation, he worked alongside him in complete camaraderie. "Why didn't you destroy him?" he blurted out.
A touch of wry humor showed in the other man's face. "As you should already be aware, Angelus is not that easy to kill. I did make an attempt, but he escaped - something I am now grateful for, although it took me a long time to reach that point. Angel has proven his worth many times over."
"How - " Holtz stopped, turning the cup around in his hands, staring at the dark liquid inside.
Giles tilted his head. "Yes?"
"How can you bear it?" The words came in a rush, his voice low. "To look at his face ... be near him ... to work with him?"
Buffy drew in a breath, but Giles sent her a faint, reassuring smile that kept her from responding. "I couldn't at first," he told Holtz. "I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. But it became glaringly obvious that Angel suffered almost as much as I did from the memory of what had happened, and after he helped us unmask a rogue Slayer, saved Buffy's sanity and probably her life, and then worked with us to prevent a demon ascension - "
He shrugged. "As I said, it took time but finally I understood that he's just as much Angelus's victim as Jenny was."
For a long moment Holtz gazed at Giles. Buffy wisely refrained from saying or doing anything that might break the mood. Finally the vampire hunter looked away. "I have not your charity, Giles. I find it impossible to be where he is. That is why I am leaving now, to begin searching for Darla." Setting his cup in the sink, he moved over to the couch and picked up a duffel bag, pulling the long strap over his head so it crossed his body.
Giles made no attempt to urge him to stay. Instead he followed Holtz to the front door and asked, "What about Sahjhan? He enabled you to come forward to this time in order to kill Angel. I don't imagine he'll be pleased that you're letting him live ... er, exist."
Holtz shrugged, his hand already on the doorknob. "He has no substance; what can he do besides yell at me? Besides, I never told him I would kill Angel. I only promised to show Angelus no mercy, which is exactly what I'm doing."
Giles smiled. "Very true. Well, good luck with him." The two men shook hands.
"I thank you for your hospitality, Giles. I hope our paths will cross again someday."
"So do I," Giles returned sincerely, adding, "I hope you find Darla. No one here will shed any tears over her death, I promise you."
The sunlight streamed in as Holtz opened the door. He glanced over his shoulder. "Not even Angel? I wonder how many people have died because he let her go free?"
Buffy's eyes narrowed. She stood up and moved toward him. "Angel didn't tell you about Darla, did he? The whole story, I mean."
"Story?" With one foot already over the threshold, Holtz stopped short. "*Darla* has a story?" He drew his foot back into the house. "Don't tell me she also has a soul." His voice was almost pleading.
"No," Buffy said, "but she was dead for several years - really dead, not just Undead - and then last year an evil law firm in L.A. brought her back to life. Not only was she alive, she was human, and dying from the same disease that was killing her centuries ago. Shortly after they brought her back they turned her into a vampire again."
Holtz didn't move, only stared at her without blinking for a long moment. "Someone resurrected Darla?" he finally asked. "How is that possible? Are you sure she was truly dead?"
"Oh yes," Giles assured him. "Angel staked her; I saw it. We all did."
"Angel!" Holtz gawked at him. "But - he said last night that he couldn't kill her!"
"This time," reminded Giles. "But five years ago she was trying her best to kill Buffy, shooting at her with a pair of handguns. Angel didn't hesitate for even a moment."
Holtz's gaze went back to Buffy. After a moment he murmured, as if to himself, "He gave up his humanity and killed his sire for you; he must truly love you."
"And I love him."
Holtz's face instantly closed down, wiped clean of expression. He turned away. "Well. That's very ... interesting. Giles, if I learn anything about Sahjhan's motives regarding Angel, I'll be sure to let you know."
"Thank you," Giles said. He and Buffy watched the sturdy, somehow lonely, figure walk to the sidewalk and turn out of sight.
"We should have asked him to take out Drusilla too," Buffy mused. "You know, while he's there - wherever ‘there' turns out to be. She and Darla are bound to be together."
Giles chuckled. "I don't think Holtz needs urging to kill any vampires he runs across."
"No," Buffy agreed. "So what were these interesting facts you found out about Sahjhan?"
"Nothing much about him in particular, I'm afraid, other than that he is a confirmed dimension-traveler; but we did learn why the Granok demons are non-corporeal." Giles closed the door. "It seems they were exceptionally hot-tempered, violent beings who brawled wherever they went. Eventually the Powers got tired of the chaos they created in their wake and so caused them to become insubstantial except in their home dimension."
"Huh." Buffy pondered for a moment. "That doesn't explain why Sahjhan wants Angel killed, though."
"No, I'm fairly sure that must be a personal matter." Giles adjusted his glasses. "I did run across a reference to him trying to locate something called the Nyazian Scroll."
"So what's in this scroll?" Buffy asked. She sat on the couch arm, one leg dangling. "Something the Nazis created?"
"It's Nyazian, not Nazian," corrected Giles with a smile. "No, the scroll is much older than the Nazis. It's ancient, and it contains the usual: prophecies."
"Of course" muttered Buffy, casting her eyes upward. "So . . . maybe there's a prophecy in it that says Angel will kill this Sahjhan, or something."
Giles looked at her. "You know, that's a very good thought, Buffy. I'll call the Council and see if they know anything about the Scroll."
"Why not try closer to home first?"
"I'm sorry?" Giles blinked at her.
"Wesley," Buffy reminded him. "According to Angel he has all sorts of reference books, and didn't Angel say something last night about a prophecy Wes had discovered? He thought it might be about Holtz."
"The Tro-clon, who is bringing darkness to mankind," Giles remembered. He straightened up. "Yes, you're right. I'll give him a call straight away."
Buffy nodded, and stood up. "Giles - " She paused, then said, " - thank you for the things you said about Angel. I know it's still hard for you to be around him. It hurts, remembering what happened to Jenny."
"Yes, it still hurts," Giles said steadily, "but you're wrong that it isn't easy to be near Angel. As I told Holtz, that was true for a long time but not anymore. I know now in my heart that it was Angelus who killed Jenny, and Angel had nothing to do with it. I also know he grieves over her death and would change what happened if it were possible."
"Yes." Her eyes wet, Buffy gave him a hug. "Thank you."
Giles returned the embrace. "No thanks are necessary. It's simply the truth."
"I know, but thank you anyway." Buffy stepped back. "If you need me I'll be at the Magic Box, training. See you later." They exchanged smiles, then she left and Giles headed for the telephone.
To be continued...