Tears burned her eyes as she realized that, with the exception of her mother, there would never be anyone waiting for her. She'd finally accepted that she could never be with a normal guy. But she couldn't have her Angel, so that was it. At eighteen years old, she was already through with love.

She crept into the mansion, realizing that one year earlier; she'd had a very similar ache in her stomach. She supposed it wasn't quite as bad this time, Angel would be in LA, not hell; but she still felt the same shock numbing her body.

Dully, she looked around the main room of the mansion, her mind flooded with memories of Angel... Angel doing T'ai Chi… of the two of them sparring... of the night they took a nap in his bed...

It all seemed so long ago, but it had been mere weeks. She wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes, longing for it to be just a few months earlier, just so she could let Angel hold her. Why had she let the sight of he and Faith bother her so much? Why had she told him she needed stupid space? Maybe if she hadn't he wouldn't have left.

"Buffy?"

She opened her eyes and whirled around.

"Angel, what are you..." She started, seeing the vampire standing there, looking just as lost and lonely as she felt. "I… I didn't think you'd be here. I'm sorry." She told him, heading past him towards the door.

"Don't go, please." He said softly, grabbing her arm.

She stopped and looked at him, surprised. Releasing her arm, Angel ran a hand through his hair.

"I… tried to leave, but I had to come back here, just for a moment. Just once more I wanted to be here where memories of you were. It was like I was close to you in a way."

Buffy nodded. "I felt the same way. Angel… I can be in a room full of people, but if you're not there, I am so alone."

"Buffy, please, don't do this."

"No, I think that if you get to decide what's in my best interest, you have to deal with how I feel!"

Angel sighed, looking down as he conceded.

Buffy took a deep breath and continued. "I know you think I need a normal guy, but I can't have a normal guy, Angel. How would you have felt if you weren't a vampire and I didn't tell you I was the slayer? I'd be out at night all the time and you wouldn't know where. Do you know what happened with that Scott guy I told you about? He dumped me. Right before Homecoming, he broke up with me because I was "distracted." I will always be distracted, Angel. Unless I date somebody who knows, which would leave Xander or Giles," she said, wrinkling her nose, "I will always not give them the time and attention they need. And even if I experience temporary insanity and try to make it work with another guy, he'll never come up to my standards."

"You've ruined me for any other man." She added with a sad smile.

"Buffy, there is so much I can't give you."

"But there is so much you can! You can give me true love, and without your love, all the rest of it is nothing. So, you can't give me kids. I'm not going to be able to get them with any other man when I can't bear to let them touch me! What is the joy of sunlight, when I am miserable thinking of how I miss you? With you I will never have sex, children, or a normal life. Well, without you I won't either. And without you I won't ever have love. I know you think I'm being naïve or whatever, but I don't *have* to make love to you…"

"My soul is permanent." He interrupted.

"What?" Buffy replied in shock.

"Giles' friend, the one who pretended to remove my soul when we tricked Faith… he told me that when he saw my soul, he could tell that I can't lose it."

"Oh, wow." Buffy said in amazement.

"But it doesn't change things, Buffy. Look at what happened last night. I almost killed you!"

"Angel, it's not like that's an every day thing."

"If I hadn't been here, you wouldn't have had to do it."

"Oh, if you want to play that 'Buffy's life without Angel' game, we can do that! If you hadn't been here, I'd be dead!"

"Buffy, please, I don't want you to hate me in fifty years."

"Maybe I will anyway!" she replied, her voice wavering as she fought back tears. "I'm in love with you, I will always love you, and you don't care. You, of all people, are treating me like a child! How could you? I always thought that you understood me like no one else, but you're just like them. Why is it that I can save the world, but I can't be trusted to... to tie my own damn shoes!"

Angel rubbed his face with his hands. "I feel wrong saying that. I feel like your mother knows what's best for you…"

"My mother? What does my mother have to do with this?"

Angel silently chastised himself for letting it slip.

Buffy came over to him and gripped his shoulders tightly, her hazel eyes imploring his brown to believe her. "She gave you this idea, didn't she?"

Angel reluctantly nodded. "She was worried about you, Buffy, and she only wants what's best for you."

Buffy sighed. "Maybe, *maybe* she believes that's what she wants, but she doesn't know what is best for me. She wants to believe that as long as I'm not the slayer I can be happy, but you and I both know that's not a possibility! Right now, she sees you as the problem. In a few months, when things still aren't the way she wants, she'll probably blame Giles or something."

Angel tried to think of an argument, but he found nothing but truth in her reasoning.

Seeing that he was caving, Buffy smiled and pulled him closer to her. Whispering in her ear, she asked "I know I told you it didn't matter, but since there really is nothing holding us back... Will you make love to me?"

Angel closed his eyes, his knees weak. She'd just asked him to do something he would give anything in the world to do.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down so she could kiss him tenderly. He gave into the feelings, allowing her to slip her tongue into his mouth the play with his. He picked her up and stealthily walked her to the bedroom, not breaking their kiss.

He lay her on the bed and removed his jacket. She looked up at him, her bright eyes shining with excitement. By the way she was fidgeting, he could tell she wanted to ask him something, but was too shy.

"What is it baby?" He asked, lightly stroking her cheek as he knelt before her.

"You'll think I'm a sick pervert."

"I promise I won't."

Buffy took a deep breath. "Well.. last night when I hit you and you bit me…"

"It turned you on?" Angel asked, astounded.

Buffy blushed. "Never mind."

"No." He replied, holding her chin firmly so that he could look her straight in the eye. "I… well I love that you liked that, I'm just surprised that my sweet little Buffy wants to do those things. Surprised, and pleased."

Buffy grinned as he leaned forward and kissed her harshly.

"You like it rough, do you?" He teased, using his 'Angelus' voice.

She smiled and punched him in the gut, knocking him to the floor. "The rougher, the better."

He jumped up and got into a battle stance. "I'll give you rough."

She hopped up from the bed and moved confidently over to him. His leg shot out and she grabbed him by the ankle, trying to use it to knock him down again, but he managed to kick her in the face. She was dazed for a second, but as he moved closer, she kicked him, effectively pushing him back.

They continued their sparring for quite a while, until they had both worked up quite a sweat and Buffy was panting. She allowed him to tackle her, kissing her fiercely as they ripped the clothes from each other's bodies.

Before Buffy knew it, they were both nude, and Angel was sliding himself inside her, touching her where no other man had or ever would. The pleasure of being together once again overtook them for a few moments as they moved together slowly, relishing the sensations.

The resumed their game once again, moving more aggressively against each other. Buffy scratched her nails down Angel's back, the scent of his own blood driving Angel wild, making him buck even harder into her. Buffy could tell that Angel was close to orgasm, as was she.

"Angel... I want you to... ooohh… I want you to bite me!"

For a second, Angel was unsure. However, when he looked into her eyes and saw trust, he knew he could do it. He allowed his demon face to come through and growled which, apparently turned her on, since she came violently, screaming his name as her tight vaginal muscles squeezed him.

He buried his face in her neck, puncturing the delicate skin that had just barely healed. He took less blood this time, his body wasn't full of the hunger and need as it had been the night before. He exploded into orgasm, pouring his cold seed deep inside her.

As he calmed down, he idly licked at the wound at her neck before sitting up, pulling her body against his chest. He carried her to the bed, covering them both with the blankets and wrapping his arm around her.

"I love you." She whispered against his chest.

"I love you too." He replied, kissing the top of her head.

"Stay with me?"

"Always, I'll never leave you."

She smiled, wrapping her arms tightly around him, before drifting off to sleep with the man she'd spend the rest of her life with.

The End

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