"Troubled By The Way We Came Together"
Author: Pamela
Contact: destructo-girl@cox.net
Notes: This is the last story in a trilogy. First was "Under
the Influence" and the second was "Realizations."
"Troubled By The Way We Came Together" belongs to Natalie Imbruglia.
From hand to hand you bought and sold
Blood is the shield against the whaler
Became a stone for fear of being melted
Troubled from the day we came together
Buffy sat on a chair in the living room with a set of headphones on her ears and a pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food in her lap. She stared blankly at the television, the flickering images not even registering in her mind. Instead she busied her mind with thoughts. Thoughts about how it wasn't fair that she always seemed to fall for vampires. Thoughts about how it wasn't fair that she couldn't ever be with the one she loved. She had to be strong; she couldn't give in no matter how much she wanted Spike. He'd only hurt her. He'd leave, they always did.
As you breathe… as you breathe into life
You will leave, you will leave.
As you stray… as you stray far from hope
I will believe, I will believe.
She lost herself in the words of the song playing in the CD player. It seemed to fit so well. The writer must have known exactly how she felt.
My heart carries on,
But my head knows better.
Troubled by the way we came together.
She knew in her mind that if she tried things out with Spike she'd only get hurt. It was better to just close yourself up from other people. Sure, love was great, but she knew at a much younger age than most that the pain could be almost unbearable.
As you breathe… as you breathe into life
You will leave, you will leave.
As you stray… as you stray far from hope
I will believe, I will believe.
After Angel she had sworn to herself that she would live more of the life of a slayer. No ordinary guy would understand why she had to keep secrets. Sure, it got lonely, but she could deal.
'Cause you are here today
and gone tomorrow.
Basking in the fields of never never.
Spike was her mortal enemy. Yeah, he was working with her, but he was a vampire. A soulless vampire. It was hard enough having a soulful one, but with Spike it would just be asking for trouble.
You wanted today,
But I wanted forever.
Troubled by the way we came together.
He was a *guy*. Guys all just thought about sex. He would say whatever it took to get in her pants, but she was not going to allow herself to be used for sex. She wanted a relationship. She wanted love, and hand holding and dates and romantic anniversaries. Spike wanted a good lay.
My heart carries on,
But my head knows better.
Troubled by the way we came together.
She had to just keep in mind that if she allowed herself to go with the way she felt, she'd only get herself and possibly others hurt. That's the way it always happened, as far as Buffy was concerned, she might as well consider nun school.
As you breathe… as you breathe into life
You will leave, you will leave.
As you stray… as you stray far from hope
I will believe, I will believe.
'Cause you are here today,
and gone tomorrow.
The cool hand on her shoulder caused her to jump. She pulled the headphones off and looked up at the owner of the hand.
A smirking Spike clad only in a pair of jeans.
Buffy sighed and shot him a dirty look. "Don't *do* that!"
Spike chuckled as he moved to go flop down on the couch. "Do I frighten you Slayer?"
Buffy glared at him. "Aren't vampires supposed to sleep during the day? It's not even one o'clock, isn't it like the middle of the night?"
"We sleep during the day because we can't go out in the sun- thanks for covering the windows, by the way- and because there is nothing else to do... I was thinking about seducing a cute blonde slayer to occupy my time." He grinned.
Buffy gave him a disgusted look, using all her self-control not to kiss him like she was dying to do. "Well, I think you need a crossword puzzle or something, because you have time to kill."
Spike smiled and reached his foot out, rubbing it against Buffy's bare ankle. She pulled her legs up and hugged her knees to her chest. "Don't touch me."
"You didn't mind when I touched you yesterday."
"I was under a spell."
"Riiiiiight, the spell. Then explain what I heard Willow say to Giles last night."
"What did Willow say to Giles?" Buffy asked, playing dumb.
"That you love me." Spike answered, smiling triumphantly.
"I do not!"
"Oh yes you do, just admit it Baby." He coaxed, moving of the couch to kneel by the side of her chair. She slid his hand up her thigh, moving it slightly past the hem of her cotton shorts.
Buffy didn't fight him; she just closed her eyes and clenched her jaw, fighting her own desire. "Stop that."
"No."
"Please stop that." She begged her voice wavering.
He wrinkled his brow as he heard the pain in her voice. "What's wrong Pet?"
"I just don't want you to touch me." She told him, making sure not to look in his direction at all.
"Buffy… you better tell me... you know how bloody persistent I can be so just fess up."
Buffy sighed, suddenly exhausted. She just wanted to hide under the comforter of her bed for a few years. But she knew she couldn't hide; for one thing, it wasn't her style. So she bit the bullet and told him. "Fine, I do love you, okay?! But you know what? I want a guy that will love me back for me, that will stay with me. I don't want to give my heart to you just so you can leave me broken all over again. I'm still not completely fixed after Angel!"
"Oh Pet," Spike said, pulling her chin towards him to make her look him in the eye. "I love you, don't you realize that means I won't leave? You can't get rid of me; I am here to stay! Look at all the time I spent with Drusilla!"
Buffy let the tears stream down her face as she shook her head. "No, you won't stay, guys never do." She wanted to believe him so much, but she couldn't let herself.
Spike pretended to look offended. "I am *not* your average bloke! I am *Spike*!"
Buffy couldn't help but laugh. "You're incorrigible."
"I'm in love." He replied before leaning over and kissing her softly on the lips, moving his hand up to wipe the tears from her cheeks with his thumb.
He pulled back and looked at her with such love that her heart swelled. She knew all her resolve was long gone, so she might as well go with it.
When he gently pulled her to a standing position by the hand, she allowed him. He led her up the stairs to her bedroom. The stood by the side of the bed, their mouths engaged in a battle as old as time. Slowly, they stripped each other and fell on the bed with Buffy on bottom.
Spike soon found himself deep inside her scalding depths; their fingers entwined as they softly kissed and whispered sweet nothings to each other. They drew out their love making as long as they could, and when they felt orgasm draw near, Spike increased the pace of his thrusts as Buffy pushed her hips up harder. Their release wracked through their bodies and they collapsed back down on the bed, Buffy gasping for air as Spike rolled them over so she lay against his chest.
He traced small patterns with his fingers on her back as her breathing returned to normal. Buffy more relaxed than she had in years, just lying in his arms.
"I love you Spike."
"I love you too Buffy."
And they let sleep overcome them, dreaming happy dreams of their future... together.
The End